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01x02 - Ruin My Life

Posted: 04/25/20 16:35
by bunniefuu
My name is Daniel Garcia.

My life used to be pretty normal.

I worked at my family's bakery in Little Havana with my mom, my dad,

my crazy brother, and my little sister.

I had a girlfriend. Life was good.

Until she decided to propose.

Will you marry me?

And I decided to say...

No.

That's when everything changed.

I met Noa Hamilton,

as in international superstar, fashion icon,

one of the most famous women in the world...

that Noa Hamilton!

What do you wanna do?

More than anything in the whole world?

- Change my shirt.
[LAUGHS]

- Okay.
That was your first wish.


The rest of the night was crazy.

It was fun, sexy, romantic.

At least until her manager told me

she picked up people like me all the time.

It's my hope that you leave now before you get humiliated.

So I left.

I went back to my normal life

figuring I'd never see her again.

You can imagine how surprised I was the very next morning

when she showed up.

I still owe you a wish.

No, I was just surprised.

I mean, you tracked me down, showed up unannounced.

Tracked you down?

You make me sound like a stalker.

It is kind of a red flag.

[LAUGHS]

Well, maybe I just wanted some more pastelitos.

Did you ever consider that?

[CHUCKLES]

So why are you here with me?

I mean, I talked to Lewis last night.

- He told me it was...
- That's why I'm here.

I wanna apologize for Lewis.

[SOFT MUSIC]

What he said is true.

Sometimes I like to go out and meet people and bring them along, but it's never planned and...

Look... you took a horrible night and turned it into something I'll never forget, so it's all good.



But it's not all good because I didn't want last night to end the way it did.

I wanted you to stay.



Was that really a typical night for you?

Rappelling down a building?

Well, the baking was a little extreme.

I could tell, because you were not that good.

[GASPS]

You said I was above average.

You had a handful of flour at the time.

And pretty soon, I might have a handful of sand, so...

Oh, so then I should really go then, right?

- [LAUGHING]
Maybe.

[SQUEALS]

- Whoa!
Whoa!

Hey, are you Noa Hamilton?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am, but my friends call me Noa.

That's so sick!

Hey, Mom! Noa Hamilton's on the beach!

Does that happen a lot?

Yeah, but he was so cute.

So it's my birthday this Saturday, and Lewis always throws me this big party, and I never know anyone there.

It would be nice to have a friendly face if you wanna come.



Yeah?

Yeah.



So, Daniel, you gonna go?

To the "movie star's" party?

- Well, I think...
- I got this, Daniel.

First of all, she's not a movie star, okay?

She's a member of the billion dollar babe club.

Yeah, but she's not really like that.

I think there's a connection, but I don't know, maybe she has that effect on everybody.

Which is exactly the reason why you should go.

To that party.

To figure that out.

That, and you need to bring and play my new demo.

♪ 'Cause I'm a Calle Ocho guy ♪

♪ A little macho, a little shy ♪

It's always about Mateo.

Have you met me?

- [LAUGHS]
- Trouble.

That's what women like her are.
Nothing but trouble.

Por favor, who cares what she is as long as she keeps the crowds coming in like this.

[SPEAKING SPANISH] _

Guys, will you please stop that and focus on what really matters here, which is our boy Daniel, our beloved Daniel, has a date with Noa Hamilton.

Uh, actually, that's... not all that matters.

That's today's total sales.

It's a new record.

- [GASPS]
- Did you...

- I checked it.
Twice.

- What about the calculator?
Did you check the calculator?

- The calculator's fine.
Everything's fine.

That's... that's the right number.

[ALL CHEERING]

ALL: Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

- Oh, yeah!
- [LAUGHING AND CHEERING]

[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]



Maybe she can't see us.

Yesterday, right around this time,

I was getting ready to propose to you.

Today, I'm the laughingstock of the neighborhood.

Vanessa, I know, and I'm sorry...

- Viral, Daniel.
That video went viral.

The only good thing about that is that I looked fabulous, my work phone is ringing off the hook, and every comment says I'm better off without you.

If I had known that any of that would happen, I...

- What?
You would've said yes?

Then how could you have ended up in bed with Noa Hamilton?

I didn't sleep with her.

[GENTLE MUSIC]

But you kissed her.

I didn't do anything.

Look, she was at the restaurant and saw what happened.

They saw me walking home and next thing you know, I'm on this insane ride.

I never thought that a few hours of hanging out was gonna turn into this thing everyone would know about.

- Daniel, she's Noa Hamilton.
You realize...

- Exactly.
Nobody cares about me.

I do!



I do!

[SIGHS]

So what now?



We're done?

After four years, it's just over?

I'm just confused.

It's like in the movies, it makes it so clear, but in real life, I...

That's because in real life, Daniel, people aren't perfect.

So you choose.

You can either accept them for who they are or focus on what they lack.



Look, I know I caught you off-guard with the proposal, but we can't let that one moment erase everything we have.

[SCOFFS]

[CHUCKLING] I mean, come on.

Look, I'm gonna make a reservation at our favorite place.

Bar Cove. Saturday, : p.m.

I say we go and have a date.

Not a proposal, a date.

V, I don't know.

If you show,

I'll be the happiest woman in the world.

If you don't...

I'll know I need to move on.



[SIGHS]

Well, as long as there are plenty of plant-based options for the guests, I'm happy.

- [SIGHS]
- Thank you.

You know, one of these years, I would love it if we could just have a party instead of this event we always do.

Lewis, you know we get more business done at this one event than we do in all of Fashion Week.

But it's not a birthday celebration, is it?

- Exactly.
You know I don't like birthdays.

- Are we ready?
- Yes, let's do it.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait, don't go.

Please don't judge it.

The damn paper was worse than origami.

Thank you.

[GASPS]

That is an original of your mother's first cover.

Took me forever to track it down.

What do you get the girl who's got everything, right?

Besides, I had to give Pipes something to put in that gorgeous frame.

Guys, this is so thoughtful.

[SNIFFLES]

See, now she's gotta get her makeup redone.

I told you you should've waited.

Well, I decided to ignore you.

I remember when we shot that.

Your mother had spent the entire day sh**ting in the Seychelles.

I mean literally straight hours.

But she kept on smiling.

I swear, your mother could light up a whole room with that smile.

And now I'm crying.

[LAUGHTER]

So you like it?

I love it.

- And I love you guys.
- You bet.

- Yay.
BOTH: Mwah.

[AWOLNATION'S "THE BEST"]



No, I'm sorry, sir.

Deliveries around back in the alley.

- [SIGHS]
Actually, I'm a guest.

I just wanna be the best



I just wanna be the best



I just wanna be the best

Daniel Garcia?

Daniel Gar...

Um, who are you with?

- I'm sorry?
- Your company.

Who are you with?

Oh, no, it's just me.

No company.

I'm with Ms. Hamilton.

She invited me.

Um...



Let him in.

♪ Oh me, I wanna feel a little bit stronger ♪

♪ Oh me, I wanna think a little bit smarter ♪

♪ Said I just wanna be the best ♪

♪ Me, I wanna walk a little bit taller ♪

♪ Oh me, I wanna think a little bit smarter ♪

♪ Said I just wanna be the best ♪



I just wanna be the best



All right, all right, ladies and gentlemen...

oh, sorry, wrong party.

'Cause I don't see any ladies or gentlemen here.

[LAUGHTER]

But seriously, I wanna thank you all for coming to this little shindig I throw for a woman who is so special to all of us.

You know, I've had the good fortune of knowing her since she was born.

One moment, bouncy and giggly.

The next, kicking and screaming.

She was like that as a baby too.

[LAUGHTER]

I kid!

Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together

for our birthday girl, Noa Hamilton!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[GALANTIS' "HOLY WATER"]





- Okay.
Thank you.

- Next.
- [PHONE RINGS]

Ah.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Rafael's.

Yes, pick-up only.

Pastelitos Magnificos?

Uh, well, yes.

They're not listed, but we can make them for you.

How many?

?

Okay. Please.

Last name first.

Thank you, Mr. Gold.
They will be ready at : p.m.

Adios. Bye-bye.

No more phone orders.
We're already overbooked, okay?

- Mi amor.
- Dimelo.


- Mira.
- Ah. [SPEAKING SPANISH]


[TRAY CLATTERS]



Why are you sneaking around like that?

I don't know, Mateo.

Here's an idea: why don't you ask me at the top of your lungs?

Are you going somewhere?

Yeah, and I'm really late, so...

- Oh, that's right.
You need a swimsuit for gym.

Oh.

Pero,mama, I thought we were gonna go together and have a little mother-daughter time.

- Ah, it's fine.
I've got it.

[BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH] _

Hey, hey, hey, Natalie.

I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.

Pick you up at : ?

- [LAUGHS]
Never.

Maybe.

Actually, yes. Yes, that's great.

- Okay.
Love you.

- Mm-hmm.
- Have fun.

Thomas Gold.

Your mother just took an order from Thomas Gold.

And not any kind of order.

Magnificos, the hardest pastries to make.

Mom, how could you do that to Papi?

Who's Thomas Gold?

- Tu ves?
- He doesn't even know either.


Wait.

Is he that star food critic from the "Miami Sun"?

- Yes!
- What?

And he just ordered from us, which means he might be writing about us.

Yeah, I mean, isn't that a good thing?

- No.
We have a line out the door.

We have customers who love us.

All this can vanish with one bad review.

We can go broke.

You remember what happened to Alberto's?

Eh?

- Camilo's?
- Ernesto's.

- All wiped out.
- We have to cancel this order.

I'm just trying to help, I'm just trying to help,

I'm just trying to help, I'm just trying to help!

Okay, mira, Papi.

Look, I can do that.

- Or...
- Hmm.

Mateo and I can handle everything else and let you and your magic hands get to work.

I know what you're trying to do.

Appeal to my ego.

- No, mi amor.
Not your ego.

Hey, g...

- [SPEAKING SPANISH]
[BOTH LAUGH]

- Mateo.
- Yeah?

Bring me my original baking sheet.

It's time for Magnificos.

[LAUGHS]

[SPANISH POP MUSIC]

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- 'Cause it's over here.

Daniel, you made it.

Yes, you did.

Gucci.

No hard feelings.

I accept your apology, but only because you returned my sweater.

Piper, I think Max Everts from Neiman's just got here.

Looks like he wants to talk.

Right.

Right. Lewis?

Shall we?



[BOTH LAUGH]

You made it.

Happy birthday.

It may not be as fancy as your other gifts, but this one comes with a free lesson.

So I'm not hopeless?

You might have potential.

- Oh.
I'll take that.

When do we start?



You tell me.



Hmm.

So this is...

A lot?

I was gonna say really impressive.

I mean, your name...

Is melting, yes.

[BOTH LAUGH] I know.

Sometimes I forget that it's even my name.



I have to go take care of some business.

But I'm gonna come back as soon as I can, okay?



And Daniel?

I'm really happy you came.



[WATCH BEEPS]



Chloe, I need a dress that sends a message.

Yes.

W-What message?

A message that says...

"I don't need you.

"I may not even want you.

"Yes, I may be sitting here looking fabulous,

"and yes, you may think that means

I want to go back to the way things were, but..."

What?

Why is she everywhere?

Hey.

Is he worth it?

Daniel.

Is he worth it?



He's kind.

And caring. And humble.

He likes that I'm ambitious.
He supports my dreams.

I mean, I don't have to tell you not every man does that.

Present moment of temporary insanity aside... he's always made me feel special.

So yeah.

He's worth it.

Now, where was I?

"You may think I'm ready to go back, but..."

"You may think I'm ready

"to go back to the way things were,

"but things are not gonna be the same this time.

"I am not a prize to be won.

I am a woman that needs to be appreciated."

I need a dress that says all of that and also has him biting his hand with desire for me.

Which means I need more than a dress.

I need lingerie.

I'm all shook up

[GALANTIS' "HOLY WATER"]

Shook up on you

We burn like fireflies

[TRILLING LIPS]

Burn baby blue

'Cause I'm so deep

- ♪ Deep into you ♪
- [PHONE CHIMES]


- ♪ You are my church tonight ♪
- [LAUGHS]


What's so funny?

My brother, he's into music, and he wants me to give his demo to the DJ.

Consider it done.

You serious?

I'm serious.

Thank you.

A-amen

A-amen

It looks like you're being summoned.

♪ I wanna drown in your holy water ♪

♪ You know a sin never felt so good ♪

Oh, nah, I don't...

- It's her birthday.
She's wearing a plastic crown.

You gotta go.

♪ I wanna drown in your holy water ♪

A-amen

♪ You know a sin never felt so ♪



Payback for the rolling pin?

[LAUGHS]

Oh, yeah

♪ Did I catch your attention? ♪

♪ You look like you lost your breath ♪

♪ When I circle the room, you an owl ♪

You gon' twist your head

♪ Don't you come at me green with an attitude ♪

♪ When my lips and my soles are red ♪

If I leave you behind

♪ You can look for the broken necks ♪

No, no

♪ 'Cause I've been here once or twice ♪



Never worry 'bout the eyes

♪ Come on, don't just stand there ♪

Staring, honey

Try to move your feet

♪ If you think they're looking at you ♪

They looking at me

♪ I could make it nice and easy ♪

I'ma take the lead

♪ They ain't even looking at you, baby ♪

They looking at me



- ♪ They looking at me ♪
- [PHONE CHIMES]




♪ Yeah, yeah, they looking at me ♪

♪ Yes, I'm young for a teacher ♪

[BOTH SCREAM]

♪ I can teach you the things that you wanna know ♪

[LOUD POP]

- [GASPS]
Ay, dios mio!

♪ Don't you bring any bull in the room tonight ♪

- [GRUNTS]
Oh, man, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

♪ You know that I'll steal the show, oh ♪

♪ Yeah, 'cause I've been here once or twice ♪

♪ I've been here once or twice, babe ♪

Never worry 'bout the eyes

♪ Never worry 'bout the eyes ♪

♪ Come on, don't just stand there ♪

Staring, honey

Try to move your feet

♪ If you think they're looking at you ♪

They looking at me

♪ I could make it nice and easy ♪

I'ma take the lead

I'ma taking the lead

♪ They ain't even looking at you, baby ♪

They looking at me



They looking at me

♪ I could make it nice and easy ♪

I'ma take the lead

♪ They ain't even looking at you, baby ♪

They looking at me

They just looking at me

They just looking at me

They looking at me

Yeah, they looking at me

♪ My baby, baby, they looking at me ♪



♪ Don't you know that they looking at me? ♪



They looking at me

Thank you.

It's the bakery truck.

- [LAUGHS]
That's funny.

Just get the truck.

[UPBEAT POP MUSIC]

[PHONE RINGS]

- Hey.
- Daniel.

The oven exploded.

How long till you can get here and fix it?

Uh...

It might be a while, but I can talk you through it.

What happened?

- Dad?

Dad, are you there?

Okay, walk me through it.

Open up the right side panel.

Look for a silver cylinder on the upper right.

If it blew out, there should be, like, a scorch mark.

- You see it?
- Yes, yes.


- Here it is.
- All right, all right.


We can do this. So now...

- [LINE BEEPS]
- Pop. Pop.


[GROANS] How is there no service?



[GROANS]

- He's gone.
- Well, hang up.

He'll call back.

I shouldn't have listened to you.

Making Magnificos for Thomas Gold.

What could go wrong?

This. This could go wrong!

- Pop.
- Ay, por favor.

If you would've taken that repair class that I'd found, maybe this wouldn't be happening right now, huh?

That's the whole reason that we have sons, Mari.

So I don't have to take a repair class!

Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

Hey, Pop.

I can fix it.

I can do it, Pop.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- You sure?
- Yeah!

Okay.

In the meantime, we take some of these upstairs and do 'em in the regular oven.

Vamanos. _

- Mm.
- I'm trusting you.

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

[UPBEAT POP MUSIC]



Natalie.

Hi.

I know this is super awkward, but do you think this is something your brother might like?

- [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Vanessa, wow, um...

There are so many things wrong with that question.

Oh, it's just we're practically sisters and, you know,

I'm in a fight with Noa Hamilton.

All's fair in love and w*r, so what do you think?

You look amazing!

I think you look amazing and that you should go in there and put some clothes on and then get out there and buy it and I will get out of here and get this for me.

Bye.

[ENGINE REVVING]

[CHATTER]

- Hey, man.
How much longer?

Sorry, we're going as fast as we can, man.

[SIGHS]

Vanessa's gonna k*ll me.

[UPBEAT POP MUSIC]

- Ah, Noa.
- Oh, hey.

Where did Daniel go?

- Baker Boy?
I don't know.

Listen, Terry called.

You have to call your mom.

Do you want me to go with you?

- I'm good.
Thanks.

Hey, if you see Daniel, tell him I'm looking for him.

Yeah, I'll get right on that.

- Hey.
Where's Daniel?

- [GROANS]
I know.

Why don't I change into an outfit that says I care?

Wow.

Here.

What is it about that guy?

God.

Mira.

I remember the first time I saw you.

[LAUGHS]

I was on stage in between numbers and I asked the stagehand...

[BOTH LAUGH]

And he said, "Oye, es Rafael, the pastry chef."

And I had all these butterflies in my stomach and a big smile because I knew that since we both worked at El Tropicana, we were gonna see each other every night.

[BOTH LAUGH]

- Ay.
- And now here we are.

years later.

Mm-hmm.

Watching our future bake in an oven.

[HEARTFELT MUSIC]

- Mi amor.
Mira.


That is not our future.

Okay?



- Okay.
- Okay.

♪ Every time I close my eyes ♪

[LINE RINGS]

- Hello?
- Hi, Mommy.


Did you call?

Happy birthday, Noa-Boa.

Thank you.

Did you have a party?

I'm actually having one right now.

Did you get a lot of presents?

Oh, my God.

I'm literally looking at a mountain of presents.

But you know what my favorite one was?

It was a picture of you that I had never seen before.

That's a strange present for a girl your age, isn't it?

Not as fun as a doll or a tea set.

Would you like a tea set for your birthday this year?

[SNIFFLES]

I would love that.

That sounds lovely.

We'll go for tea at the Plaza like...

like that girl in your favorite book.

What's her name?

Eloise?

Would you like me to read "Eloise" to you tonight?

I would like that very much.

[PEOPLE LAUGHING IN DISTANCE]


I have to go now, Mom, but I'll call you later, okay?

Okay, Noa-Boa.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

- [CRYING]
That was my daughter.

Have I told you about her?

[HEARTFELT MUSIC]



[UPBEAT POP MUSIC]



Here's your bakery truck, sir.

Thanks a lot.



[ENGINE GRINDING]



Are you serious right now?

- [ENGINE GRINDING]
- Come on.

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

Yes.



- Daniel!
- [BRAKES SQUEAL]

- What the...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Piper!
What are you doing?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Daniel, you can't leave.

I've been here for hours.

Look, I know that, but I think you like her, and she likes you too.

She likes everyone.

That's what celebrities do.
Make anyone feel special.

But with you, it's different.

You know how ridiculous that sounds?

I have known her since she was .

This "party," it's work.

She hates her birthday.
That's why she works.

And inviting you, well... that was new.

- I have a life.
Do you understand?

A real life.

Yeah, okay, well, if you leave, you're gonna be wondering for the rest of your real life what could've happened if you'd just listened to me and stayed.



[KABLITO'S "MI LOCURA"]



[SINGING IN SPANISH]



Hi, you've reached Vanessa Carmen Sanchez.

- Please leave a message.
- [BEEP]


Vanessa, it's me.

I'm not gonna be able to make it.



[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[PHONE CHIMES]

What?



Vanessa, it's me.

I'm not gonna be able to make it.



My mum first got sick when I was around eight.

[POP BALLAD]

At first,

I thought it was fun.

My mum liked to play make-believe.



To be honest, it's really hard talking to her because she goes in and out of reality.

It's really hard to watch.

I had no idea.

Well...

yeah.

It's not something I talk about a lot.

That's life, right?



And you don't have any brothers or sisters?

[LAUGHS]

What?

I can't remember the last time someone didn't know everything about me.

It's nice.

You just know me for me.

Everybody knowing everything?

I don't think I could handle that.

It's not all bad.

I mean, overall, my life turned out pretty good.

And yet you still don't like your birthdays.

Mm.



When I was little, my dad would always miss them.

And then when I was ten, my mum had a really bad episode at my birthday party.

So that was when I decided

I was done with birthdays.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

They're just, like, work events now.

Speaking of which, I should probably get back to "working" my birthday party.



Let's get out of here.

What?

Noa, let's get out of here.



I can't just leave.

Why not?

- Well, it's my party. I think people would notice.

Exactly.

It's your party.

Your birthday.

Change into something fun.

Fun like what?

You'll see.

[SCOFFS]

MC Cubano speaking.

Psych!

It's my voicemail. Hit it.

You go to Deering, right?

Yeah.

Waiting on a ride, huh?

My brother.

My mom.

Jeans.

- Swimsuit.
- Ugh.

If there's a hell, it's filled with dressing rooms and swimsuits.

Yeah, and I just lived it.

Why is it so horrible?

It must be the fabric or the lighting, the mirrors...

The whole concept.

Let's wrap you in / inch of stretchy fabric.

And my mom wanted to come with me today.

Mine too.

It's like she forgot what it's like to be young.

Yeah.

No, I don't wanna model for you, Mom.

I just wanna get in and out of there as quickly as possible.

- Like Navy SEALs.
- Yeah.

[LAUGHS]

[HORN HONKS]

That's my ride.

It was nice meeting you.

You too.

Hey.

Want a ride home?

[LATIN DANCE MUSIC]



One, two, three, four!

♪ 'Cause I'm a Calle Ocho guy ♪

Ocho, oh

♪ A little macho, a little shy ♪

Oh, oh



♪ And I will be your cabana boy ♪



♪ I'll bring you empanada-nadas and rum ♪

I fixed it.

[GASPS]

- I did it!
I did it!

I did it! I did it!

- Ese mijo!
Ese mijo!


- [LAUGHTER]
- Yeah!

- [LOUD POP]
- [BOTH YELP]

Oh.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]



- I did everything right.
I swear.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

What?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

What?

You're not mad at me?

No, mijo.

I love you for trying, and you made it work.

- Yeah, papi.
You know what?

Sometimes you just have to laugh.

Riete.

[LAUGHTER]

Uh, hello?

Geez!

[LAUGHTER]

Dare I ask what's with the mood lighting?

- Nat, I'm sorry.
I was supposed to pick you up.

- I know.
It's okay though.

- I got a ride home.
- [PHONE DINGS]

_

- Uh...
[TUTS]

Look at your mother.

- What?
What?

Who gave you this ride?

Because I'm thinking maybe it was a cute boy?

Huh? Hmm?

Was it?

Put down the flashlight.

I wanna have some fun

- Whoa.
I said to wear something...

- Fun.
This is fun.

Fine. Next time, I'll wear sweats.

- [LAUGHS]
- Where are we going?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

Are you leaving?

With this guy?

Well, you know, it is my birthday.

Just go.

- That was easy.
- [LAUGHS]

But be back by midni... it is midnight.

[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]

You know Daniel is an idiot, right?

I mean... you are beautiful.

And smart. And kind.

Screw him!

I know every book and magazine article say walk away.

Fighting for a man is just a sign of low self-esteem.

I think they're wrong.

I think love isn't always perfect.

I think sometimes a person loses their way, becomes infatuated, right?

Like, Daniel is off in his little fantasy world.

I can feel it.

But you know what?

He doesn't belong there, Chloe.

He doesn't. And he's gonna realize that.

They all are. His whole family.

And I'm gonna remind them that Vanessa Princesa is the real happily ever after.



Get a pen.

It's time to start planning.

- [GASPS]
That's it, papi!

- Yeah?
- Yes!

Hey, Pop.

- Good news.
I found the breaker.

Yeah, I got more good news.

Thomas Gold is here.

I ordered .

I know, but our oven broke.

[LAUGHS]

We fixed it, it broke again.

This was all I could manage. I'm sorry.

No charge for your inconvenience.

Gracias.



You know who I am?



I publish my column every Monday.

I'd have your ovens fixed by Tuesday morning.

Huh. Mmm.

[LAUGHS]

- All right.
- Okay.

- That's...
- Whoa.

That's enough.

- Aw, come on!
- Thank you. Thank you!

Ay, be quiet!

- Oh, very sweet.
- [PHONE DINGS]

Hey, it's Daniel.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is he at the party?

Is he still with her?

- I don't know.
He sent a link.

Well, click it!

♪ 'Cause I'm a Calle Ocho guy ♪

- ♪ Oh ♪
- That's...


That's my song.

What?

Noa Hamilton is playing my song at her party.

[GASPS]

Ay, dios mio, papi!

♪ 'Cause I'm a Calle Ocho guy ♪

- [LAUGHS]
- ♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ A little macho, a little shy ♪

Oh, oh

Sour, but it's delicious, right?

Mm-hmm.

What I love about food is that it's all about combinations.

Mm-hmm.

The two most unlikely ingredients make the best combination.

For example, prosciutto and melon.

You named the most obvious one.

I got a good one.

Pineapple and goat cheese.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Bacon and ice cream.

A little heavy, but what about...

[LAUGHS]

Vietnamese banana flower and fish sauce.

- Oh, my God, really?
- [LAUGHS]

Playing the world traveler card again.

I knew you'd like that one.

[LAUGHS]

[FREEDOM FRY'S "BEAUTIFUL DAY"]

I got an idea.



I thought I was supposed to do that.

Well, who needs a candle when you've got those?

It's a beautiful day

And I just wanna ride it

Ride the wave

Right there to your side

It's a beautiful day

Who am I to deny it?

We'll ride away

To a beautiful night



I have an idea.

Yeah?

Let's go for a swim.

But I don't have my swimsuit.

Neither do I.

- Watch your step!
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

♪ Here we go on a beautiful day ♪



♪ Here we go on a beautiful day ♪

Is the birthday curse broken?

[LAUGHS]



- What?
- Curse is broken.

Cool.

I'm filming in Puerto Rico next week.

I'd like you to come.