By Robert Holmes
Episode Four
Broadcast December 5th 1974
5:30pm - 5:55pm
INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP
(Sarah dashes at Linx trying to deflect his aim.)
SARAH: No!
(The Doctor falls and Linx brushes Sarah off.)
LINX: The female, too. It seems I am doubly fortunate.
(One of the scientists collapses with exhaustion.)
LINX: Get up! Get back to work!
DOCTOR: Linx, can't you see that your prisoners are physically exhausted? They've had no sleep and nothing to eat for days.
LINX: They can still work.
DOCTOR: Not for much longer.
LINX: I owe these primitives nothing.
(Rubeish hunts around stealthily for a w*apon.)
LINX: My only concern is to rejoin our glorious struggle for freedom.
DOCTOR: That's such an old tune. Don't you know there's no such thing as the super race?
LINX: Your Time Lord philosophy is egalitarian twaddle. It is a weakness.
DOCTOR: Every species has its own weakness, Linx. For instance, you can only be stunned by a blow on the probic vent, that small hole at the back of your neck.
LINX: In our case, Doctor, it is a strength, because it means we must always face our enemies.
LINX: Now, to return to the question of your demise. I think it would be better if you witnessed first the destruction of your female companion.
(Rubeish strikes Linx, who screams, falls, hisses and gurgles.)
DOCTOR: Well done, Rubeish.
SARAH: Doctor, are you all right?
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes. The blast was too brief. But I wouldn't have been in a few moments. Thank you very much, Sarah.
SARAH: Oh, pleasure.
(Sarah helps the Doctor to his feet.)
SARAH: Hadn't I better be getting on with the rest of your plan?
DOCTOR: Yes, all right, but be careful.
SARAH: You too, Doctor.
(Sarah exits.)
DOCTOR: Right, well, if we can secure our friend here, we can get on with the job of restoring his wretched victims.
RUBEISH: Will this help?
(Rubish passes the Doctor some cable.)
DOCTOR: Rubeish, you're invaluable, my dear chap.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL
(We see Irongron lift a r*fle from crate full.)
IRONGRON: Bloodaxe.
BLOODAXE: Captain.
IRONGRON: Fetch me Linx. Fetch me that scabby faced stoat from his burrow.
BLOODAXE: At once, Captain.
INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP
(The Doctor binds up Linx with the cable.)
DOCTOR: Well, that should hold him for a while, even on this planet.
RUBEISH: Why this planet?
DOCTOR: Well, in his own environment he weighs several tons. Fortunately his muscles have been designed for load bearing rather than leverage.
RUBEISH: Fascinating. I'd always assumed that creatures from a high density planet would have developed a pressure balanced physiology. For example, if you take certain types of seaweed
BLOODAXE (OOV): Linx! Linx!
(The Doctor runs to get Linx's helmet and puts it on. Bloodaxe is at the door.)
BLOODAXE: Linx?
DOCTOR: Who speaks?
BLOODAXE: Captain Irongron commands your presence.
DOCTOR: Tell him I'm busy.
BLOODAXE: Well, come soon or we come and fetch you.
(Bloodaxe exits and the Doctor takes off Linx's helmet.)
RUBEISH: Who is Irongron? Is he a nice chap?
DOCTOR: Well, I wouldn't recommend him for the Royal Society. All right, Rubeish old chap, now you know how to bring these people round?
RUBEISH: Yes. A simple repetitive optical
DOCTOR: Yes, quite so. I'll leave you to get on with it.
RUBEISH: Well, what do you propose to do?
DOCTOR: I was going to preset this osmic projector and send these people back to their own time, but now I have to find a way of stalling Irongron.
(The Doctor stopis in his tracks as he sees the robot knight.)
DOCTOR: The robot! Yes, of course. That ought to give him something to think about.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. KITCHEN
(Sarah cautiously enters, finds a small bag and starts filling it with food.)
MEG: Thief!
SARAH: You common scullion, stand aside. How dare you obstruct me? I shall have you flogged.
MEG: Oh, so, a lady, are you? A lady dressed as a serving wench?
SARAH: I'm hungry. Please let me go. I've tasted neither bread nor meat for nearly a month.
(Meg grabs Sarah's hand and studies it.)
MEG: No, nor done no work for longer by the look of you. All right, my girl, I'll give you bread and cheese, but you'll have to earn it.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL
(The robot appears through the open doorway.)
IRONGRON: Who are you?
DOCTOR (in the robot knight's suit): I am a gift to Captain Irongron from the one who made me, my master, Commander Linx.
IRONGRON: It is indeed the robot, Bloodaxe, though somewhat different in shape. And I remember, Linx promised to make me a second iron man, one that would obey my voice. But why has Linx sent you? Why has he not he himself obeyed my summons?
DOCTOR: My master toils in his workshop to make you more fighting robots. He sent me as proof of his goodwill.
IRONGRON: What?
DOCTOR: Now I must return.
IRONGRON: Hold. I would see something of the mettle of this gift. Can you fight, iron man?
DOCTOR: That is my purpose.
IRONGRON: Then fight me.
DOCTOR: I was programmed to fight for you, not against you.
IRONGRON: Cease thy gabble and fight.
DOCTOR: You will damage my circuits.
IRONGRON: Fight, iron man, or you'll return to Linx in as many pieces as did your brother.
(Irongron strikes and they launch into a sword fight, where the Doctor gets the better of him.)
IRONGRON: Hold.
BLOODAXE: It's truly a marvel, Captain. Never have I seen a finer swordsman.
IRONGRON: Ah, tis great sport this, Bloodaxe. Draw your sword and join me. We'll try this creature's strength to the upmost.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. KITCHEN
(Meg smacks a worker on the back of the neck.)
MEG: Get on!
(The sword fight can be heard.)
SARAH: What's that?
MEG: Oh, fighting again in the great hall, I'll warrant. Men were ever like children, fond of noise and brawling. Get about your work, girl.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL
IRONGRON: Hold. Hold, I say! We must slow this iron man's speed a little. Stick me some crossbow bolts in the creature. We'll see if it fights as well with a crossbow bolt or two in its gizzard. And if that fails, we'll lop off its head and try again then.
DOCTOR: Isn't that a bit unsporting, old man? I mean, sitting ducks and all that.
IRONGRON: This iron man talks like some Norman ninny. Lift up your visor.
DOCTOR: I cannot reveal my face, Irongron.
IRONGRON: Why?
DOCTOR: Because if I did, it might give you a seizure.
(Irongron raises the visor.)
IRONGRON: The wizard!
DOCTOR: Well, I did warn you, didn't I?
(The Doctor runs out the door.)
IRONGRON: Seize him!
(The Doctor is brought back by two men. Irongron removes the Doctor's helmet and raises his sword to strike.)
IRONGRON: No. The sword is too quick and clean a death for you. Well, since you are a wizard, then by wizardry shall you die.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. KITCHEN
MEG: Not so much of that oatmeal, girl. It's only pikemen we're feeding, not horses. Hey, watch that pot.
MEG: If you burn Irongron's stew, he'll have your liver cut out.
SARAH: Is all this for Irongron?
MEG: Him and his chamber guard.
SARAH: How many's that?
MEG: Half a dozen. You're full of questions, girl.
SARAH: Don't the guards on the gate get stew?
MEG: What, meat for those common creatures? I should say not. They'll have oatmeal the same as the rest of us, and lusty enough they are on that. So you watch yourself if ever you take out that skillet.
SARAH: I'm not afraid of men. They don't own the world. Why should women always have to cook and carry for them?
MEG: What else should we do?
SARAH: Stand up for ourselves. Tell the men you're tired of working for them like slaves.
MEG: We are slaves.
SARAH: Then you should set yourselves free.
MEG: Oh? And how should we do that?
SARAH: Don't you want to be free?
MEG: Women will never be free while there are men in the world, girl. We have our place.
SARAH: What subservient poppycock. You're still living in the Middle Ages.
MEG: Eh?
SARAH: Nothing.
MEG: You're young and foolish, girl. And I warn you, keep those thoughts to yourself or you'll not live long enough to grow wiser. I must tell them their food will soon be ready.
(Meg goes out the door. Sarah pours somthing into the stewpot. She then goes over to where the oatmeal is being prepared.)
SARAH: Look at that great spider!
(The girl screams and jumps back. Sarah tips the bottle into the pot.)
INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP
(Rubeish is singing to himself as he flashes a light at one of the scientists.)
RUBEISH: Oh see me dance the polka, oh see me dah dah dee. (hums the rest.)
(The scientist stirs.)
RUBEISH: Ah, that's it. Come on, stand up, my dear chap. Come on. Come on. That's it.
(Rubeish addresses five of the scientists.)
RUBEISH: Now listen, all of you. You've been kidnapped, but you're about to be rescued. I hope. There's a machine here that'll send you home again. Unfortunately, I don't know how to work it, and the chap who does has vanished. But I expect he'll pop up again. He usually does. But the important thing is, until then, you must carry on working as if you were still hypnotised.
MORRISON: Can I ask
RUBEISH: Oh, Morrison, don't start asking a lot of awkward questions. I assure you I don't know the answers any more than you do.
IRONGRON (OOV): Linx!
RUBEISH: Back to work, everyone. Someone's coming.
(They scurry and Irongron comes through the door.)
IRONGRON: Linx, you dog! Where are you hiding?
(Irongron notices the Doctor's jacket on a table, then finds Linx on the floor.)
IRONGRON: Oh, there you are, you dragon eyed toad. Who puts these bonds on you?
(Irongron draws his dagger and cuts Linx's bonds.)
LINX: The Doctor. I was struck from behind. Where is he?
IRONGRON: The Doctor is dying.
LINX: What method have you chosen to destroy him?
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL
(Irongron flings the jacket at the Doctor.)
DOCTOR: Thank you, sir, for your charm and old world courtesy. May I ask the purpose of this tomfoolery? If you're going to have me shot, why don't you get on with it?
IRONGRON: I would not have your death be in vain, good sorcerer. I intend that it shall be of some use to me.
DOCTOR: Nothing that I do will be of use to you, Irongron.
IRONGRON: Oh, nay, Doctor, but you're wrong. These knaves of mine lack practice with their star weapons. A living target will give them a chance to better their aim before tomorrow's battle. You, sh**t!
(The man cocks his r*fle and fires, missing the Doctor.)
IRONGRON: These knaves of mine aim so ill, Doctor, that you are mayhap safer to stand still. You, sh**t.
(The Doctor ducks this one.)
IRONGRON: The aim improves, Doctor. Be patient. We shall hit the target all in good time.
DOCTOR: I'm in no great hurry, I assure you.
IRONGRON: Oh, beshrew me, but I grow fond of this fellow. sh**t when you please, lads, and a bag of gold to the one that brings him down.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. KITCHEN
SARAH: That noise! I can hear sh**ting.
MEG: More tomfoolery.
SARAH: What is it? What's happening?
MEG: They've captured Sir Edward's sorcerer, this fellow the Doctor, and now they're slaying him in the great hall with these devil's weapons of theirs.
(Sarah runs up the stairs.)
MEG: For the life of me I can't see what's wrong with a good old-fashioned broad sword.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL
IRONGRON: By the stars, this fellow hops around like a flea on a griddle.
LINX: Give me a w*apon. I will destroy him.
IRONGRON: What? Would you spoil good sport, old toad?
(Sarah unties the candelabra let's it go.)
SARAH: Doctor!
(The Doctor seizes the swinging candelabra and runs out.)
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. CORRIDOR
(The Doctor battens the doors and Sarah appears.)
DOCTOR: Well done, Sarah. Just like a daring young man on the flying trapeze. Come on.
IRONGRON (OOV): Get them!
EXT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. COURTYARD
DOCTOR: Sarah, wait. Come on.
(They dash for the entrance, then slow down and stroll through. The Doctor whistles and beckons the two guards.)
DOCTOR: Hai!
(The Doctor strikes both guards simultaneously.)
INT. SIR EDWARD'S HALL
(The Doctor and Sarah are sitting at the table.)
DOCTOR: Do you know, I think that was one of the most active days I've had in years. Well, it's not as if I was a lad anymore, once you're over two hundred.
EDWARD: So then, Doctor, your plans have miscarried, I fear. What will you do now?
DOCTOR: Oh, wait a bit. Give the potion time to work and then go back.
SARAH: But Doctor, you can't!
DOCTOR: Sarah, I must. Rubeish and all those scientists are there. Now, Linx's spaceship is just about ready for takeoff, and when that happens, there'll be a tremendous expl*si*n and all that will be left of that castle will be a pile of stones.
EDWARD: But Doctor, how can the castle go?
DOCTOR: Just believe me, sir. When Linx goes, it goes.
ELEANOR: Irongron's castle is to be destroyed by sorcery? Then all is well.
DOCTOR: There are innocent people in that castle, my lady, and I don't like the idea of anybody going up in smoke. Not even Irongron.
SARAH: If you're going back, then I'm coming with you.
HAL: I too will come with you, if my master permits.
DOCTOR: Well, thank you. Thank you both. I can do with all the help I can get.
INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP
(Linx grabs a device from a scientist. Lights come on in the spaceship.)
LINX: Thank you, my friends. Your work is finished. You may rest now for a time until the power build up is complete.
(Linx goes out the door.)
RUBEISH: Doctor, I think you'd better get a move on. I've a feeling time's beginning to run out.
EXT. FOREST. IN FRONT OF THE TARDIS
(The Doctor exits the TARDIS)
EXT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. MAIN ENTRANCE
The guards slide to the ground as they fall asleep.
EXT. FOREST
(The Doctor joins Hal and Sarah, who are observing behind some scrub.)
DOCTOR: Good evening.
SARAH: It's working, Doctor. Look.
HAL: Aye, the villains sleep like innocent babes.
DOCTOR: Good. Well, we'll wait a bit to be on the safe side, and then we'll go in.
INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP
RUBEISH: At last, Doctor, there you are. Something most interesting happening here.
DOCTOR: Yes, so I see. Where's Linx?
RUBEISH: I don't know. He started his spaceship going then cleared off.
DOCTOR: Where's the osmic projector? It was over there on the table.
RUBEISH: He put everything back inside the ship.
DOCTOR: Well, I'll just have to take it out again, won't I. Hal, scout around the castle. See if Irongron and his men are sleeping. If they are, disarm them and come back here.
SARAH: What are you going to do, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Get the osmic projector. Fortunately it's an independent unit.
SARAH: Well, can't you switch this thing off?
DOCTOR: Well, I can try.
SARAH: Suppose you don't succeed?
DOCTOR: Then we've got between five and ten minutes to get out of here before we're all blown to kingdom come.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. CORRIDOR
(Hal relieves a guard of his sword.)
INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP
SARAH: Couldn't you shut it down?
DOCTOR: No, the drive system is sealed. Linx must have taken the activator key. I managed to get a hold of this, though. I was lucky to get it out with the drive running.
(The Doctor adjusts the device.)
DOCTOR: I think that should do it.
DOCTOR: I've got to send them back one at a time. Get the first one to stand over there, will you, Rubeish?
RUBEISH: Come on, Morrison.
DOCTOR: All right, Rubeish, come over here. I may want you to take over. Now then, all you have to do is this, this and this. Get it.
RUBEISH: Yes.
DOCTOR: Right, here goes.
(The scientist dematerialises.)
DOCTOR: Right, that ought to surprise them back at the Research Centre. Next gentleman, please.
RUBEISH: Come on.
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL
IRONGRON: For the last time, Linx, let there be no more talk of leaving.
LINX: And I tell you for the last time, I am leaving now. Our alliance is at an end.
IRONGRON: It ends when I say it ends and not before.
LINX: You would be well advised to march from this castle now and capture another. Soon you will have need of it.
BLOODAXE: He threatens us, Captain.
IRONGRON: He does not understand our ways. Tomorrow, Linx, we smite the enemy, hip and thigh. But tonight, we feast.
LINX: By your dawn I shall be seven hundred million miles from here. Can I be concerned with the fate of primitives?
(Linx marches out and the men laugh.)
BLOODAXE: What did he mean, Captain?
IRONGRON: He is a toad. Who know what a toad thinks?
BLOODAXE: Aye, Captain, 'tis truly said.
IRONGRON: This stew has made me heavy.
(The men start falling asleep.)
IRONGRON: Hey.
INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP
DOCTOR: That's Linx. Send the rest of them back. I'll try and keep him busy.
(Links fires at the Doctor, who shields himself.)
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL
(Hal is removing all the mens' swords. Irongron wakes and grabs him.)
IRONGRON: Trickery! Sorcery!
(Irongron knocks Hal to the ground.)
IRONGRON: What sorcery! Treachery! That toad Linx bewitched us all!
INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP
(The Doctor and Linx are still fighing.)
SARAH: Now you, professor.
RUBEISH: I really don't think I ought to go and leave you.
SARAH: Off you go now. Now then. This, this and this.
RUBEISH: Well, goodbye and good luck. It really has been a most fascinating experience. I hope you and the Doctor will be all right. See you back at the Research Centre.
(Rubeish dematerialises. Linx throws the Doctor head over heels.)
SARAH: Doctor!
(Irongron comes through the door.)
IRONGRON: So, destroy my castle by sorcery, would you, toad face? Well, Irongron's magic is too strong for you!
(Irongron goes to strike Linx and Linx uses his ray g*n on him.)
INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE. HALL
(Hal regains consciousness and tries to wake Bloodaxe.)
HAL: Now listen, dog. In minutes now this castle will be destroyed by the sorcery. If you'd save your miserable skins, then get you gone!
(Hal runs out the door.)
BLOODAXE: Flee, dogs! Flee for your life! Come on, waken, you dogs! And flee, flee for your lives, you dogs! Waken! Waken up! Now flee!
INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP
(Linx is in his spaceship. Sarah shakes the Doctor.)
SARAH: Doctor, do get up. We've got to get you out!
(Hal appears and deftly fires an arrow into Linx's probic vent.)
DOCTOR: Something's gone wrong. He must have hit the take off button too soon. Come on, we've got about a minute to get out of here. Quick, run!
(Equipment starts to spark.)
EXT. FOREST
(The Doctor, Sarah and Hal are running, when the castle explodes and knocks them to the ground. When the dust clears, they get up and walk over to the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR: Well, you can tell Sir Edward that his problems are over, Hal. Irongron, his castle, his magic weapons and his sorcerer, they're all destroyed.
HAL: Will you not tell him yourself, Doctor? He will reward you well. We owe you much.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry. I'm afraid we must be off. Goodbye, Hal.
HAL: Goodbye, Doctor.
SARAH: Goodbye.
HAL: Goodbye. You are truly a great magician, Doctor.
DOCTOR: To tell you the truth, Hal, I'm not a magician at all.
SARAH: I'm not so sure about that.
`
DOCTOR WHO
Jon Pertwee
SARAH JANE SMITH
Elisabeth Sladen
LINX
Kevin Lindsay
PROFESSOR RUBEISH
Donald Pelmear
IRONGRON
David Daker
BLOODAXE
John J Carney
HAL
Jeremy Bulloch
SENTRY
Steve Brunswick
MEG
Sheila Fey
WRITTEN BY: ROBERT HOLMES
TITLE MUSIC
Ron Grainer
and the BBC RADIOPHONIC WORKSHOP
TITLE SEQUENCE
Bernard Lodge
INCIDENTAL MUSIC
Dudley Simpson
SPECIAL SOUND
d*ck Mills
COSTUME DESIGNER
James Acheson
MAKE-UP
Sandra Exelby
FILM CAMERAMAN
Max Samett
FILM SOUND
John Gatland
FILM EDITOR
William Symon
STUDIO LIGHTING
Mike Jeffries
STUDIO SOUND
Tony Millier
VISUAL EFFECTS DESIGNER
Jim Ward
SCRIPT EDITOR
Terrance Dicks
DESIGNER
Keith Cheetham
PRODUCER
Barry Letts
DIRECTOR
Alan Bromly
COLOUR
© BBC 1973
Jon Pertwee
SARAH JANE SMITH
Elisabeth Sladen
LINX
Kevin Lindsay
PROFESSOR RUBEISH
Donald Pelmear
IRONGRON
David Daker
BLOODAXE
John J Carney
HAL
Jeremy Bulloch
SENTRY
Steve Brunswick
MEG
Sheila Fey
WRITTEN BY: ROBERT HOLMES
TITLE MUSIC
Ron Grainer
and the BBC RADIOPHONIC WORKSHOP
TITLE SEQUENCE
Bernard Lodge
INCIDENTAL MUSIC
Dudley Simpson
SPECIAL SOUND
d*ck Mills
COSTUME DESIGNER
James Acheson
MAKE-UP
Sandra Exelby
FILM CAMERAMAN
Max Samett
FILM SOUND
John Gatland
FILM EDITOR
William Symon
STUDIO LIGHTING
Mike Jeffries
STUDIO SOUND
Tony Millier
VISUAL EFFECTS DESIGNER
Jim Ward
SCRIPT EDITOR
Terrance Dicks
DESIGNER
Keith Cheetham
PRODUCER
Barry Letts
DIRECTOR
Alan Bromly
COLOUR
© BBC 1973