01x10 - A hit is a hit
Posted: 06/19/19 06:21
You woke up this morning got yourself a g*n your mama always said you'd be the chosen one she said you're one in a million you've got to burn to shine but you were born under a bad sign with a blue moon in your eyes when you woke up this mornin' all that love had gone your papa never told you about right and wrong but you're, but you're looking good, baby i believe that you're a- feelin' fine shame about it born under a bad sign with a blue moon in your eyes so sing it now woke up this morning you got a blue moon got a blue moon in your eyes? ?
Yeah you say you woke up this morning the world turned upside down lord above, things ain't been the same since the blues walked into town but you're, but you're one in a million'cause you got that shotgun shine shame about it born under a bad sign with a blue moon in your eyes, yeah woke up this morning got yourself a g*n got yourself a g*n got yourself a g*n talk it through.
Talk it through the opening.
Little left.
Little left on your end.
All right!
Open the door!
Any hinky shit, and you'll be refrying beans with pablo escobar again.
This is all a message to your friends.
Stay away from port newark.
Don't even drive out to jersey.
Not even on sundays.
I'll tell them.
They've been told.
Twice.
Now i'll tell them.
Here.
Holy shit.
Ha, ha.
Bingo!
We can't fit all this shit in the carton.
f*ckin' crackheads and their small bills.
This is just a little token of my appreciation.
for recommending dr.
Melfi.
She's a good shrink.
I'm not always a model patient-- what, what?
You didn't have to.
These are monte cristos.
These are cuban.
Yeah, they're the best, right?
- They're illegal, aren't they?
- They're cigars.
Oh, they're dreamy, ton'.
You're a good neighbor, bruce.
Hey, look, i'm a doctor.
I make referrals all the time, tony.
You don't have to-- - no biggie.
- I bet these m*therf*ckers were hard to come by.
Yeah, they fell off a truck.
Excuse me.
- Hello?
- It's done.
And it's the biggest f*cking refrigerator you've ever seen.
How about the other thing?
Juan valdez has been separated from his donkey.
You know, ton', i've been meaning to say, i've been watching you out back with your putter.
You ever play at the club?
No, i play minnisink, the public course.
You know, you ought to come to the club and play sometime.
Nah, you know, it's-- come on.
It's a wicked back nine.
And besides, some of the members, i think you'd like them very much.
Yeah, maybe, you know.
We'll see.
Here we go.
Fresh champagne, gentlemen.
Oh, that's beautiful.
I love a mixed salad.
I can stare at it for hours.
A score like this happens once in a lifetime.
Gotta make this work for us out in the open, legit.
Find a nice i. P. O.
Keep it spinning.
Live off the juice.
- I. P.
-- who?
- Go on in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I. P. O.
-- initial public offering.
Stock.
We gotta find some insider market trading shit.
Understand?
Where's my baby?
Paulie, baby, get that big d*ck in the jacuzzi now.
Whoa- ho!
Whoo!
Taking off.
We're gonna celebrate, just me and adriana.
Mother of mercy.
Could this be the end of rico?
Maybe.
Just maybe.
Have fun.
Say hello to the broad.
Say hello to your girl for me.
Thank you so much for taking me to the theater.
Rent.
f*ckin' broadway musicals.
I mean, we're all supposed to get all f*ckin' weepy- eyed 'cause they turned off the heat in some guy's loft?
I'm hummin' the scenery, chrissy.
Fifth- row, center, and dinner at la cirque?
Yeow!
I'm embarrassed to be hungry again.
Thank you.
Let's just say, after how many years with tony soprano's crew, some shit has finally worked out.
Just when i was starting to wonder if, you know-- whose f*ckin' welfare check you gotta cash to get a burger around here?
Shut the f*ck up!
Wouldn't it be cool to own a restaurant like la cirque?
Come on with the careers.
- That black guy over there-- he look familiar?
- You have my money.
Why don't you just forget about workin' and be with me?
Oh, yeah.
And be one of those wives like carmela soprano?
Breast- feed a bunch of rugrats and then spend the rest of your life at the gym, just you and your stretch marks.
You're right.
Cousin's always had a brain, but what does she use it for?
A husband who can't even tell you where the money comes from.
Yo, hair net central, what am i back here, mark fuhrman?
You a d*ck!
- Would you chill?
It's f*ckin' discrimination already.
Hey.
'Bout time.
Bold men make bold statements.
Why'd they send you over?
I'm lookin' for a burger, not converted rice.
- Your woman looks embarrassed.
- come on, eh?
Give me a couple of burger baskets.
He's only bold because he's semi- hooked up with the tony soprano crew.
What's with the attitude, christopher?
If it's not the blacks, it's somebody else.
Whoa!
Nice.
Must belong to the homie with the blue hat.
Yo!
Donnie brasco!
Yeah?
My name is orange j.
I'm down with massive genius.
That's who it was.
That gangsta rapper.
I told you to shut up.
We're having a party at g's crib.
Englewood cliffs.
You interested?
And i get served with black- eyed peas tomorrow?
I know what time it is.
Massive's heard of the f*ckin' crew you with.
There's business to be done.
This is a beautiful, beautiful home.
Smaller than my hamptons crib, but that's bigger than steven's.
That's italian contractors, obviously.
Look at all these gold records!
Whoa!
What do we have here?
You like that shit?
A christmas present to myself.
Isn't that a sight to behold?
I do so love a good firearm in my hand.
You people are all right.
Godfather?
I seen that movie Godfather iiwas definitely the shit.
The third one-- a lot of people didn't like it, but i think it was just misunderstood.
So what kind of business you want to discuss?
Mr.
Herman rabkin.
Hesh.
I don't know him personally, but i know his history.
In the late'50s and'60s, he owned f- note records.
I don't know what it was called, but, yeah, hesh was in the music business.
Little situation here.
A distant- but- deceased quasi- cousin on my mother's side-- little jimmy willis; '50s legend-- two seminal hit records was his legacy-- drug tragedy.
"Such a fool"-- oh, i love that.
They play it all the time on oldies radio.
Old herman?
He's just another in a long line of white m*therf*ckers stealing royalties from the black man that made them the money in the first place.
Jimmy's mother out in san bernardino who i call my aunt is owed that money.
Hesh is the world's sweetest guy, but i've heard his opinions on givin' back pieces of israel.
I can only imagine what he's gonna say about this shit.
Feel free to enjoy the food and any other enjoyments.
Champagne, sir, ma'am?
Yeah.
That guy's a gangster?
I'm a gangster.
I'm an o. G.
Original gangster, not him, f*ckin' lawn jockey.
And he's got the fly hamptons house, alec baldwin comes over, whitney houston-- what do i got?
I sit in the f*cking pork store, for christ sake.
But the moolies, they got it goin' on, and they're on tv.
- They don't take no shit.
- Soprano crew, it's always "secret this, omertathat.
" f*ckin' gets on my nerves.
Junior, with his moldy old sweaters, and he's a f*ckin' boss.
And you were just feeling so good about yourself.
Our thing once ruled the music business.
Did you know that?
No.
We bankrolled acts.
Blacks, everybody.
Paid the deejays or busted heads to get em' played on the air.
There was some great italian singers.
f*ckin' a.
Frankie valli.
Dion.
The rascals.
That whole philly thing.
My dad used to talk about those guys.
Now?
f*ckin' drum machines, some ignorant poetry, and every f*ckin' fourth- grade dropout ditsoon is chairman of the board.
- Gangsters.
- talk aboutpaisanpride.
Go joey!
Shot to the heart and you're to blame you give love a bad name bad name oh, you're home.
Hey.
Barb wagner called.
Remember her from the fund- raiser?
- The mayonaisses up the street?
- They invited us to a barbecue over at their house.
All right.
Didn't think so.
Are you still with the brochures?
Can you believe how much it costs for a college education for four years?
We got enough.
I know we got enough, but how much is enough?
I mean, god forbid, what if something should happen?
You dig up my blue suit.
You call up old man coletti.
You tell him not to put too much makeup on my face.
Don't joke around about this, tony.
You'll be taken care of.
You're always telling me the same thing.
I'll be taken care of.
By who?
What is with the look?
Did you just make a score?
No.
I wish.
You know, tony, it's a multiple- choice thing with you.
I can't tell if you're old- fashioned, you're paranoid or just a f*ckin' assh*le.
So what do i tell the wagners about this barbecue?
You want to go?
Sure.
Cusamano asked me to play a little golf with him at his club.
Sorry.
All right.
Fine.
Prick.
The maitre d' is really on the rag tonight.
I'll talk to him.
Remember richie santini?
Yeah, you used to f*ck him.
That really sums it up.
I knew him since we were three.
He lived next door.
Yeah, we had our little phase.
What about him?
You've heard his band.
Defiler?
I'm not into that headbangin' shit.
You were talkin' about the good old days.
Italians running the music business.
And here's richie, this musician who you know.
They're not a hair band anymore, and they're really good.
You said yourself how much money there was in this thing.
You mean like, uh, richie santini?
You think massive genius would be interested?
It's a whole different thing: Black.
But he's got a company.
Massive g productions.
Shit, they make movies, even.
Massive does owe me a favor.
I'm arranging a sit- down for him with hesh.
I was thinking about-- okay.
I know this sounds kind of funny.
Music management.
Huh.
And working here, i have met people, important people.
Learned people skills.
Had to deal with big egos.
Solved problems.
And with my love of all kinds of music-- maybe alec baldwin would come to our house.
You know who we are you know what we do we're comin' to defile defile you stay out of our way and don't be so gay we're comin' to defile defile you my- y- y lord - it's just an old demo.
- No.
You know what?
f*ck it.
Let's set you up.
What?
I got money.
You're right.
With how much you listen to the radio, you'd be good.
I can't believe it!
But i get to pick what you wear.
Dress you up.
I like that.
This place has the flava.
That gelding, name is sidney.
So how come you never wrote a song about him?
When you and little jimmy were writing partners on all his hits, did you write the music and him the lyrics, or the other way around?
We, uh, we had our own process.
So that "ooh, wacka- do, wacka- dooley- do, i'm so blue," that spring from your experience, or the little brother's?
One could write a song about a horse.
But in order for it to be a hit with your target audience, he'd have to have a mounted cop on him and ripped up the ass with a mac ten, no?
So you bought horses with your royalties.
And little jimmy's royalties, whatever became of those?
He bought horse.
Music business back then, we were breaking all the rules.
Makin"em, breakin"em as we went along.
You mean rapin' and pillagin'.
Things haven't changed much, huh?
Were we hard- nosed?
Yeah.
But we gave a lot of kids their start.
A lot of n*gro youth.
Took'em out of the ghetto, kids with talent, put'em on the stage.
Herman, ordinarily, i'd be more than happy to stroll down memory lane with you.
But it's reparations that i seek.
Why don't we call this what it is: A shakedown.
Your own father was a silent partner in f- note records.
Made sure that the records got airplay, isn't that right?
Yeah, that money built my house on the jersey shore.
What do you want to do, hesh?
I'm guided by you.
- He's got to do the right thing, that's what.
- Ohh!
Hey.
You're way our of line, kid.
Let's get some cold f*cking fizzy water on your head.
Thank you, jen.
Let's get right to the point, huh?
What's in this for you?
If you read chuck d's book, you know he advises that reparations be made by the jewish studio moguls in hollywood on account of the way black folks have been portrayed in film.
Now, that's only germane to this argument inasmuch as i feel that the grievances in the music business are far worse.
You're talking to the wrong white man, my friend.
My people were the white man's n*gg*r when yours were still painting their faces and chasing zebras.
And as far as louie b.
Mayer is concerned, what are you, f*cking nuts?
My lawyers have done a little research.
I think that the final figure is somewhere around four hundred thousand dollars.
Now, a cashier's check made to mrs.
Idella willis will set the record straight.
Or what?
What was it that she called him?
Oh, yeah.
"That nice man," i think she said.
So how's your neighbor, the one with no neck?
The sopranos?
Well, there's a new car in the driveway every other week, but besides that-- he gave me a gift of some excellent cuban cigars.
- And you accepted them?
- Mmm- hmm.
See?
Eroding the neighborhood values.
He was thanking me for referring him to a physician, which he's very happy with.
Really?
What does that do to property values, having a gangster living next door?
Are you kidding?
Safest block in the neighborhood.
- And bein' a gangster-- what does that mean, anyway?
- Yeah, that's true.
Some of the shit i see in the boardroom, i don't know if i'd make a distinction.
Oh, will you please?
It's not the same thing.
Bugging?
Bribes?
I don't know.
Sometimes i think the only thing separating the american business from the mobs is f*ckin' whackin' somebody.
Listen to you.
Whackin'.
What?
He hangs around with tony soprano for 15 minutes and it's "f*ckin'" this and "f*ckin'" that.
We were over there for that fund- raiser.
I didn't see any g*ns anywhere.
Oh, but that bar with the goombah murano glass?
I like murano glass.
Those monte cristos?
What do you say?
After dinner?
Just jaded tired and bored right or wrong i ain't strong like i used to be i want to erase myself i know it ain't your type of music, but-- i like any kind of music that turns shit green.
Richie's been through a lot.
It's deep in his writing.
As a metal band, they were f*ckin' great.
But this, as far as i am concerned, blows away matchbox 20.
- What do they all themselves?
- Used to be defiler.
Then some personnel changes-- bass and drums.
But richie and vito are still the core of the band.
Now they're called visiting day.
Mom and dad had left me down and now i want to erase myself this is some loud shit.
Oh, we are alone yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah whoo!
- Take me away - that's richie.
And that's vito.
I don't want to stay - f*ck you!
- Sit the f*ck down, you mullethead.
This isn't the right place for them.
You suck!
You know, without the right help from you, visiting day could end up in the miscellaneous "v" section.
Don't be sad it's not bad - nobody cares - you interested?
I want to erase myself yes!
That scene where pesci sticks the guy's head in a vise, and then he f*ckin' pops his eye out-- i mean, i thought i was gonna die.
I'll be right back, okay?
Excuse me.
It's this way, right?
Yes.
Thank you.
I don't know.
What?
Richie.
Guy's 30, still lives with his parents.
It's because of the accident.
Richie had third- degree burns from trying to grill that trout with a downed power line.
At the same time, being electrocuted turned his life around.
Well, you did some ace f*cking selling.
You think?
Yeah.
Thing is, though, music is not something you can hold in your hands, you know, like football betting cards or coke.
It's art.
Berry gordy, whatever, he had to see it in the supremes.
It's an instinct.
I see it in richie.
Yeah.
Probably is.
I'm really f*ckin' doin' it!
And it's all thanks to you.
I got to make a demo cd, like massive advised, and then-- yeah!
My wife thinks i need to meet new people.
So?
Come on.
You're italian.
You understand.
Guys like me, we're brought up to think themeddigan are f*ckin' bores.
The truth is, the average white man is no more boring than the millionth conversation over who should have won, marciano or ali.
So am i to understand that you don't consider yourself white?
I don't mean white, like caucasian.
I mean a white man, like our friend, cusamano.
Now, he's italian, but he's ameddigan.
He's what my old man woulda called the wonder bread wop.
Eats his sunday gravy out of a jar.
You seem to want to branch out.
What's stopping you?
The guys.
What they'd think if i started hanging out with themeddigan.
I was in your neighborhood last night, at the cusamano's.
- Oh, yeah?
- Dinner party.
Shoulda stopped by.
Live right next door.
You didn't hear any strange noises last night in your neighborhood?
Noises?
Like someone screaming in pain?
Uh, no.
Probably a television set.
You saw my house?
Mm- hmm.
Oh!
This looks good.
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
That sausage, huh, where'd you get it?
- Little place in garfield?
- Honey, where'd we get the sausage?
That little place in garfield.
You know, the only thing better than a little sausage is a pair of tits.
I don't know about that, but it's a hell of a piece of meat.
Sausage is kind of a phallic thing.
Whereas tits-- so, jack, you're a stockbroker, right?
Mmm.
Any changes in the market comin'?
They're always changing.
That's what keeps us coming back.
Oh, by the way, rand, you hear from ross on dexplex?
No, not yet, but the buyout is definitely goin' down.
Just give me a little warning.
I need to call the islands.
Dexplex?
Oh, it's a little company.
It's going public, maybe.
Hey, hey.
Come on.
Come on, will ya?
The sun is shining.
It's a beautiful day.
Let's not talk business for once, huh?
American biotics.
Barb, our stock guru.
She thinks american biotics may be a good investment.
It's supposed to be close to a side- effect- free anti- impotence drug.
You guys play the stock market?
We don't just play.
We win.
Friends say i'm crazy she's gonna make me cry but none of them know the way we steal a little kiss and my, oh, my fools follow angels wanna believe she's mine all mine alone why am i such a fool friends say i'm crazy she's gonna make me cry but none of them know the way we steal a little kiss and, oh, my fools follow angels wanna believe she's mine all mine alone why am i such a fool erase myself are we alone yeah, yeah yeah, yeah take me away i don't want to stay there must be another way that's take 62.
We oughta just bag it.
Okay.
We're baggin' it.
We shoulda bagged this two days ago when it was f*cking perfect.
I wish i had thought of that.
It's good.
You know, not bad.
I think it's as good as we're gonna get right now.
Oh, it wasn't too bad.
It was kind of good.
Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you saying?
Is something wrong?
No, i'm sure we're all trying our best here.
I just think we hit a brick wall.
Maybe some rest.
Hey, hey, f*ck that!
I paid for three days' studio time already.
It's only gonna cost me more money to pack it up and come in again, isn't it?
I don't get it.
We got through the instrumental tracks with no problem.
Ah, i'm f*ckin' beat.
What do you say we finish this shit?
Three days now we been slammin' our hams.
Look, kinkos gave me five days off.
It's not the end of the world.
Kinko's?
Buddy, this is costing me Here.
Try this.
Dude, i don't do dr*gs anymore, okay?
Well, hats off.
But for all the dynamic excitement in these songs, maybe we should get another downed power line in here, let you suck on it.
- Christopher!
- What you just heard was our balls- out, most introspective song.
- It's not supposed to rock.
- it'll be our first single.
No, dude, second.
"Sharon's chair" will be the one that busts out.
I like "melt.
" Come on.
Go sh**t the crank, let's wrap this up, all right?
- What?
- You heard me.
Spike up.
- No f*cking way.
- Christopher, i'm producing these sessions.
Go take the f*cking dr*gs.
I'm not f*cking around anymore.
Look, the problem, christopher, is that the bass and the drum tracks were miked wrong from the f*cking beginning.
Whoa, hey, king of rock, you're out of your depth.
Look, let me tell you something, dude.
Thank you, but i've recorded in denmark.
Okay.
You want to know what the problem is?
Where are the f*cking choruses?
All your songs, you got no choruses.
Your choruses are basically just another verse.
I mean, what happened to "she loves you," huh?
- "She loves you"?
- Yeah, the song.
Started with the chorus.
There is structure.
That's how you build a song.
The beatles, the beatles, the beatles.
Look, that's been It makes me sick.
- What is he, nuts?
- f*ck this, man.
Where are you goin'?
I'm goin' to a. A. , you f*ckin' jerk- off.
- Get back to work.
- Ooh, okay.
- Huh?
Huh?
Come on.
- Ooh, big man, huh?
f*ck!
You all right?
What?
What?
Get back in the booth!
So we take it from the top.
We'll use a ukulele.
I can't believe you.
Yeah, yeah.
Five thousand shares.
American biotics.
Can you place the order today?
Okay, great.
I'll have the money to you by tomorrow.
Okay.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
- Are you spying on people now?
- I live here.
Are you playing wall street now.
Women are better savers than men, and we are nurturers.
What do you know about the stock market?
I keep my ears open.
Cnbc is a very interesting channel.
Listen, your father, god bless him, he does very well.
But who knows, you know?
What if something unforeseen should happen.
What if he gets hit by a truck.
I mean, then what?
I got you kids to think about.
I don't know, mom.
Well, when you get married, you will know.
A woman's got to keep her sense of individuality.
This here is a life lesson.
Okay.
Let's go to georgette klinger's.
Massage, facial, joie de "beau- tay.
" On me.
Sure.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
It's a lily.
Now, that's a shot.
Ball runs like a frightened fawn.
W. C. Fields.
That thing's still runnin'.
I gotta tell ya, this is a nice place.
Didn't i tell ya?
We oughta see about making you a member.
Tony, you ever play that place in orlando?
No, i never get down there.
Well, disney world.
You know, al's place.
Mount plymouth?
- Al capone built it.
- No shit?
Capone was a golf fanatic.
That's right.
- So you guys watch a&e.
- tony, uh, let me ask you a question.
If i'm stepping on any toes, tell me.
How real wasthe godfather?
I mean, in your opinion.
What do you mean, real?
Authentic or not.
I don't know.
How would i know?
It was the'50s, right.
No, it was 1972.
What he means is the story took place in the'50s.
I wanna know if you really had to cut your finger and take an oath.
Like gridlock on times square on this golf course today, isn't it?
This traffic in manhattan's gotten worse since "don't block the box.
" You got a lot of friends in new york, tony?
Yeah.
You ever go down to little italy?
- You know, san gennaro, the feast, with the kids.
- Tell the truth.
What's the first thing you think of when you hear "mulberry street"?
Umberto's.
Hey, did you ever see that picture of gallante dead with a cigar hangin' out of his mouth?
- No.
- It's a f*ckin' beautiful hit, huh?
Sorry, tony.
You probably knew the guy, huh?
- How old you think i am?
- You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but i gotta know.
Did you ever meet john gotti?
Yeah.
I knew john.
Whoa!
f*ck!
What was he really like?
- Remember bungalow bar?
- The ice cream trucks?
Like good humor, except the trucks had bungalow roofs on'em.
Was gotti a silent partner in all that thing?
I don't know nothin' about that.
Just know that when the company folded and they were auctioning off the last bungalow bar truck, the one with the peaked roofs-- you're right, cooze-- cooze.
Well, they're auctioning off the last bungalow bar truck and i wanted it as a souvenir.
Gotti outbid me.
Gave me a ride home.
You know, he rang that bell the whole way home?
Oh!
They're wavin' at us.
Meow meow meow meow i love this part.
Now i've lost my inner child i should hope yeah, this is good.
He ain't been defiled i am just that's some good guitar.
Listen to that shit.
A tortured soul they got it goin' on.
Makin' money yeah.
Is an empty hole meow meow meow meow so?
I think it's, uh, not good.
Want to be a little more specific?
There's good and there's not good.
This is not good.
Okay, maybe it's not your era.
No offense.
Music is music.
Talent is talent.
I don't care who you are.
And i've seen them all.
I saw heavy metal invented by hendrix at the cafe wha.
Kid just came out of the army.
I said to him, "kid, i don't know what you call it-- talent, charisma, magic-- but you've got it.
" These kids, they don't.
Sorry.
You're just pissed that i went against you at the sit- down.
Get the f*ck out of here and stop wasting my time.
This vito is a great f*cking guitar player, hesh.
Fine.
Great.
He's a great guitar player.
However, there's one constant in the music business-- a hit is a hit.
- And this, my friend, is not a hit.
- Why?
Christ.
For reasons we couldn't comprehend or codify, you pathetic schlepper.
f*ckin' massive is a genius, so what the f*ck was he talkin' about?
I remember when i was a kid, there was this guy in my neighborhood.
We used to call him jimmy smash.
He wasn't Ret*rded, but we thought he was because he had one of these, uh, whatchamacallits.
Hey, how the f*ck are ya?
What do you call that?
Cleft palate.
Yeah.
Well, we was kids, right?
So what the hell do we know?
Every time he opened his mouth, we'd piss ourselves laughin'.
But jimmy didn't mind, because he got to hang out with us.
Popular crew.
Although we only called him when we were bored.
Called him, said, "hey, jimmy.
Sing'mack the knife'.
" And because he wanted to hang out with us, he'd belt it right out.
We'd f*ckin' roll on the floor laughing.
And then, you know, when the laughs got old, we stopped callin' him.
Wasn't till years later that i found out the poor prick was goin' home every night and cryin' himself to sleep.
When i found out, you know, i-- i felt bad.
But i never really understood what he felt.
To be used, you know, for somebody else's amusement like a f*ckin' dancin' bear till i played golf with those guys.
Well, you thought cusamano was your friend.
You live, you learn.
Do you mind if i ask you a question?
Whatever happened to jimmy?
Jimmy smash?
He's doin' 20 for robbery.
Wasn't too hard for the cops to figure out who it was.
He goes up to the bank teller with a mask, he goes, "give me your money.
" Some fucker's on the phone for you.
Good morning, herman.
I'm listening.
Good.
I wouldn't want you to miss anything i have to say.
I've been thinking about it.
- Go on.
- You'll have to find another schmuck to have a moment with.
You do know what this means, herman.
Stupid enough to say it over the phone, let's hear it.
I don't thr*aten, herman.
I act.
Genius, you're getting yourself in way over your head here.
Why don't you think about backin' up a little bit?
You know, let sleepin' dogs lie.
Hey, soprano.
Let me share with you what i suspect about this gangsta rap shit.
I think you probably got a degree in sociology from the city college.
I grew up in the projects.
Delta 13.
k*lled a man.
Later on, i got a degree.
But urban planning.
You were close.
Now, when it comes to which is mightier, the pen or the m*therf*cking sword, i let the situation dictate.
- Don't press it.
- I'm gonna do my part to keep mr.
Rabkin's people working.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Expect to hear from goldstein, baum and woronov.
They'll be representing miss willis in the lawsuit.
- You gonna sue?
- With what i pay in retainers, f*ck, yeah.
I hear that.
Yeah, well.
Listen, be advised that on your artist scratch's last single, you sampled a backing vocal from the chablis' for which f- note records controls the master recording rights.
No shit?
Yeah, shit.
I would of course have to counter sue.
I'll see you in court.
f*ckin' legal fees.
What kind of moolies are these?
They call themselves gangsters.
It's a new f*ckin' day.
f*ckin' depressing.
Okay.
Now this is a donatella versace.
- Nice.
- You like it better than the alaia?
- Keep'em both.
- Christopher, $2, 400!
- I don't think you really like it.
- I like it.
I like it.
Huh?
Mtv awards?
- What?
- Nothing.
I thought we put that fight behind us.
You want me to take all this back, i will.
No problem.
No.
f*ck, i want you to have it.
You know how i use the technique of positive visualization?
I know you talk about it.
You're fairly negative a lot of the time.
Well, i think you should mentally prepare for the f*ckin' possibility that visiting day sucks.
- What?
- I think the only reason you've gotten this far with massive is he wants to be in your pants.
Boy, oh, boy.
I let some experts listen to the demo.
They shit all over it.
I'm sorry.
Experts?
Who, hesh?
That old f*cking synagogue cantor?
Silvio.
He owned rock clubs in asbury.
You heard what squid said.
He's a professional engineer.
What about my opinion?
That it's good, that it's special?
His eyes are on your ass, adriana, 98% of the time.
You know that.
This is just a way for you to keep me down.
- Aw, that ain't fair.
- I don't want these clothes.
What's wrong with it, huh?
What's wrong with visiting day?
I don't know, but it's a problem that you don't know.
Richie, he'll sing anything.
You just don't want to believe that i could have a relationship with a man like massive that wasn't based on f*cking.
That was based on intelligence, respect, talent.
I'll shut up.
You sayin' i don't have talent?
I've branched out, made new friends, new horizons, and you can't stand that.
Yeah.
Go silent.
That's you.
Either screaming your head off or f*cking dead.
I don't think i can stay here anymore.
I love you.
That is such a lie.
Hey, carmela!
In here.
I need a finger.
What's in the box?
Sand.
I'm f*ckin' with cusamano.
Tony-- beautiful.
You look kinda cute when you're bein' a bad boy.
You're awfully chipper today.
So what are you gonna do with the box?
Give it to him.
Tell him to-- "hold on to it for awhile.
" Oh, tony!
That is so evil!
Yeah, i know.
That's why it's so much fun.
Oh, good.
Cooze.
Cooze.
Cooze.
Come here.
Hey, ton'.
How ya doin'?
Good.
How you doin'?
Fine, thanks.
Listen, ah, you know, that, uh, nickname-- what, cooze?
Cusamano.
Yeah, it's got that other connotation that-- no, not anymore.
Listen, pal, i need a little solid.
I need you to hang on to this for a while for me.
Hang onto it a little while.
I'll come get it when i need it.
How long?
A month, you know.
Maybe more, maybe less.
Okay?
Thanks.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, the club.
I meant to ask you about the club.
What's going on?
Oh, the club.
I'm sorry, ton'.
Membership's closed.
Closed?
Yeah.
No new members until old members die.
Nobody's dyin'?
Nothin' anybody could do anything about.
No biggie, cooze.
Thanks.
You sure?
I mean, because-- naw.
I'll live.
And all temptations i resist and nothing can compare to this oh, nobody loves me nobody loves me but you and for that i'd love to find i'd give it all away in gratitude now, uh, that's a hit.
And all temptations i resist nothing can compare what is it?
Heroin?
Shit, jean, i don't know.
A w*apon?
I don't know.
Could be anything.
Uh, uh!
Don't touch it.
You know who we are you know what we do we're comin' to defile defile you stay out of our way and don't be so gay we're comin' to defile defile you my- y- y lord my- y- y ford is a rocket stop the crush in the midst of a rock show i'm on the radio, yeah and know who we are and know what we do we're comin' to defile defile you
Yeah you say you woke up this morning the world turned upside down lord above, things ain't been the same since the blues walked into town but you're, but you're one in a million'cause you got that shotgun shine shame about it born under a bad sign with a blue moon in your eyes, yeah woke up this morning got yourself a g*n got yourself a g*n got yourself a g*n talk it through.
Talk it through the opening.
Little left.
Little left on your end.
All right!
Open the door!
Any hinky shit, and you'll be refrying beans with pablo escobar again.
This is all a message to your friends.
Stay away from port newark.
Don't even drive out to jersey.
Not even on sundays.
I'll tell them.
They've been told.
Twice.
Now i'll tell them.
Here.
Holy shit.
Ha, ha.
Bingo!
We can't fit all this shit in the carton.
f*ckin' crackheads and their small bills.
This is just a little token of my appreciation.
for recommending dr.
Melfi.
She's a good shrink.
I'm not always a model patient-- what, what?
You didn't have to.
These are monte cristos.
These are cuban.
Yeah, they're the best, right?
- They're illegal, aren't they?
- They're cigars.
Oh, they're dreamy, ton'.
You're a good neighbor, bruce.
Hey, look, i'm a doctor.
I make referrals all the time, tony.
You don't have to-- - no biggie.
- I bet these m*therf*ckers were hard to come by.
Yeah, they fell off a truck.
Excuse me.
- Hello?
- It's done.
And it's the biggest f*cking refrigerator you've ever seen.
How about the other thing?
Juan valdez has been separated from his donkey.
You know, ton', i've been meaning to say, i've been watching you out back with your putter.
You ever play at the club?
No, i play minnisink, the public course.
You know, you ought to come to the club and play sometime.
Nah, you know, it's-- come on.
It's a wicked back nine.
And besides, some of the members, i think you'd like them very much.
Yeah, maybe, you know.
We'll see.
Here we go.
Fresh champagne, gentlemen.
Oh, that's beautiful.
I love a mixed salad.
I can stare at it for hours.
A score like this happens once in a lifetime.
Gotta make this work for us out in the open, legit.
Find a nice i. P. O.
Keep it spinning.
Live off the juice.
- I. P.
-- who?
- Go on in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I. P. O.
-- initial public offering.
Stock.
We gotta find some insider market trading shit.
Understand?
Where's my baby?
Paulie, baby, get that big d*ck in the jacuzzi now.
Whoa- ho!
Whoo!
Taking off.
We're gonna celebrate, just me and adriana.
Mother of mercy.
Could this be the end of rico?
Maybe.
Just maybe.
Have fun.
Say hello to the broad.
Say hello to your girl for me.
Thank you so much for taking me to the theater.
Rent.
f*ckin' broadway musicals.
I mean, we're all supposed to get all f*ckin' weepy- eyed 'cause they turned off the heat in some guy's loft?
I'm hummin' the scenery, chrissy.
Fifth- row, center, and dinner at la cirque?
Yeow!
I'm embarrassed to be hungry again.
Thank you.
Let's just say, after how many years with tony soprano's crew, some shit has finally worked out.
Just when i was starting to wonder if, you know-- whose f*ckin' welfare check you gotta cash to get a burger around here?
Shut the f*ck up!
Wouldn't it be cool to own a restaurant like la cirque?
Come on with the careers.
- That black guy over there-- he look familiar?
- You have my money.
Why don't you just forget about workin' and be with me?
Oh, yeah.
And be one of those wives like carmela soprano?
Breast- feed a bunch of rugrats and then spend the rest of your life at the gym, just you and your stretch marks.
You're right.
Cousin's always had a brain, but what does she use it for?
A husband who can't even tell you where the money comes from.
Yo, hair net central, what am i back here, mark fuhrman?
You a d*ck!
- Would you chill?
It's f*ckin' discrimination already.
Hey.
'Bout time.
Bold men make bold statements.
Why'd they send you over?
I'm lookin' for a burger, not converted rice.
- Your woman looks embarrassed.
- come on, eh?
Give me a couple of burger baskets.
He's only bold because he's semi- hooked up with the tony soprano crew.
What's with the attitude, christopher?
If it's not the blacks, it's somebody else.
Whoa!
Nice.
Must belong to the homie with the blue hat.
Yo!
Donnie brasco!
Yeah?
My name is orange j.
I'm down with massive genius.
That's who it was.
That gangsta rapper.
I told you to shut up.
We're having a party at g's crib.
Englewood cliffs.
You interested?
And i get served with black- eyed peas tomorrow?
I know what time it is.
Massive's heard of the f*ckin' crew you with.
There's business to be done.
This is a beautiful, beautiful home.
Smaller than my hamptons crib, but that's bigger than steven's.
That's italian contractors, obviously.
Look at all these gold records!
Whoa!
What do we have here?
You like that shit?
A christmas present to myself.
Isn't that a sight to behold?
I do so love a good firearm in my hand.
You people are all right.
Godfather?
I seen that movie Godfather iiwas definitely the shit.
The third one-- a lot of people didn't like it, but i think it was just misunderstood.
So what kind of business you want to discuss?
Mr.
Herman rabkin.
Hesh.
I don't know him personally, but i know his history.
In the late'50s and'60s, he owned f- note records.
I don't know what it was called, but, yeah, hesh was in the music business.
Little situation here.
A distant- but- deceased quasi- cousin on my mother's side-- little jimmy willis; '50s legend-- two seminal hit records was his legacy-- drug tragedy.
"Such a fool"-- oh, i love that.
They play it all the time on oldies radio.
Old herman?
He's just another in a long line of white m*therf*ckers stealing royalties from the black man that made them the money in the first place.
Jimmy's mother out in san bernardino who i call my aunt is owed that money.
Hesh is the world's sweetest guy, but i've heard his opinions on givin' back pieces of israel.
I can only imagine what he's gonna say about this shit.
Feel free to enjoy the food and any other enjoyments.
Champagne, sir, ma'am?
Yeah.
That guy's a gangster?
I'm a gangster.
I'm an o. G.
Original gangster, not him, f*ckin' lawn jockey.
And he's got the fly hamptons house, alec baldwin comes over, whitney houston-- what do i got?
I sit in the f*cking pork store, for christ sake.
But the moolies, they got it goin' on, and they're on tv.
- They don't take no shit.
- Soprano crew, it's always "secret this, omertathat.
" f*ckin' gets on my nerves.
Junior, with his moldy old sweaters, and he's a f*ckin' boss.
And you were just feeling so good about yourself.
Our thing once ruled the music business.
Did you know that?
No.
We bankrolled acts.
Blacks, everybody.
Paid the deejays or busted heads to get em' played on the air.
There was some great italian singers.
f*ckin' a.
Frankie valli.
Dion.
The rascals.
That whole philly thing.
My dad used to talk about those guys.
Now?
f*ckin' drum machines, some ignorant poetry, and every f*ckin' fourth- grade dropout ditsoon is chairman of the board.
- Gangsters.
- talk aboutpaisanpride.
Go joey!
Shot to the heart and you're to blame you give love a bad name bad name oh, you're home.
Hey.
Barb wagner called.
Remember her from the fund- raiser?
- The mayonaisses up the street?
- They invited us to a barbecue over at their house.
All right.
Didn't think so.
Are you still with the brochures?
Can you believe how much it costs for a college education for four years?
We got enough.
I know we got enough, but how much is enough?
I mean, god forbid, what if something should happen?
You dig up my blue suit.
You call up old man coletti.
You tell him not to put too much makeup on my face.
Don't joke around about this, tony.
You'll be taken care of.
You're always telling me the same thing.
I'll be taken care of.
By who?
What is with the look?
Did you just make a score?
No.
I wish.
You know, tony, it's a multiple- choice thing with you.
I can't tell if you're old- fashioned, you're paranoid or just a f*ckin' assh*le.
So what do i tell the wagners about this barbecue?
You want to go?
Sure.
Cusamano asked me to play a little golf with him at his club.
Sorry.
All right.
Fine.
Prick.
The maitre d' is really on the rag tonight.
I'll talk to him.
Remember richie santini?
Yeah, you used to f*ck him.
That really sums it up.
I knew him since we were three.
He lived next door.
Yeah, we had our little phase.
What about him?
You've heard his band.
Defiler?
I'm not into that headbangin' shit.
You were talkin' about the good old days.
Italians running the music business.
And here's richie, this musician who you know.
They're not a hair band anymore, and they're really good.
You said yourself how much money there was in this thing.
You mean like, uh, richie santini?
You think massive genius would be interested?
It's a whole different thing: Black.
But he's got a company.
Massive g productions.
Shit, they make movies, even.
Massive does owe me a favor.
I'm arranging a sit- down for him with hesh.
I was thinking about-- okay.
I know this sounds kind of funny.
Music management.
Huh.
And working here, i have met people, important people.
Learned people skills.
Had to deal with big egos.
Solved problems.
And with my love of all kinds of music-- maybe alec baldwin would come to our house.
You know who we are you know what we do we're comin' to defile defile you stay out of our way and don't be so gay we're comin' to defile defile you my- y- y lord - it's just an old demo.
- No.
You know what?
f*ck it.
Let's set you up.
What?
I got money.
You're right.
With how much you listen to the radio, you'd be good.
I can't believe it!
But i get to pick what you wear.
Dress you up.
I like that.
This place has the flava.
That gelding, name is sidney.
So how come you never wrote a song about him?
When you and little jimmy were writing partners on all his hits, did you write the music and him the lyrics, or the other way around?
We, uh, we had our own process.
So that "ooh, wacka- do, wacka- dooley- do, i'm so blue," that spring from your experience, or the little brother's?
One could write a song about a horse.
But in order for it to be a hit with your target audience, he'd have to have a mounted cop on him and ripped up the ass with a mac ten, no?
So you bought horses with your royalties.
And little jimmy's royalties, whatever became of those?
He bought horse.
Music business back then, we were breaking all the rules.
Makin"em, breakin"em as we went along.
You mean rapin' and pillagin'.
Things haven't changed much, huh?
Were we hard- nosed?
Yeah.
But we gave a lot of kids their start.
A lot of n*gro youth.
Took'em out of the ghetto, kids with talent, put'em on the stage.
Herman, ordinarily, i'd be more than happy to stroll down memory lane with you.
But it's reparations that i seek.
Why don't we call this what it is: A shakedown.
Your own father was a silent partner in f- note records.
Made sure that the records got airplay, isn't that right?
Yeah, that money built my house on the jersey shore.
What do you want to do, hesh?
I'm guided by you.
- He's got to do the right thing, that's what.
- Ohh!
Hey.
You're way our of line, kid.
Let's get some cold f*cking fizzy water on your head.
Thank you, jen.
Let's get right to the point, huh?
What's in this for you?
If you read chuck d's book, you know he advises that reparations be made by the jewish studio moguls in hollywood on account of the way black folks have been portrayed in film.
Now, that's only germane to this argument inasmuch as i feel that the grievances in the music business are far worse.
You're talking to the wrong white man, my friend.
My people were the white man's n*gg*r when yours were still painting their faces and chasing zebras.
And as far as louie b.
Mayer is concerned, what are you, f*cking nuts?
My lawyers have done a little research.
I think that the final figure is somewhere around four hundred thousand dollars.
Now, a cashier's check made to mrs.
Idella willis will set the record straight.
Or what?
What was it that she called him?
Oh, yeah.
"That nice man," i think she said.
So how's your neighbor, the one with no neck?
The sopranos?
Well, there's a new car in the driveway every other week, but besides that-- he gave me a gift of some excellent cuban cigars.
- And you accepted them?
- Mmm- hmm.
See?
Eroding the neighborhood values.
He was thanking me for referring him to a physician, which he's very happy with.
Really?
What does that do to property values, having a gangster living next door?
Are you kidding?
Safest block in the neighborhood.
- And bein' a gangster-- what does that mean, anyway?
- Yeah, that's true.
Some of the shit i see in the boardroom, i don't know if i'd make a distinction.
Oh, will you please?
It's not the same thing.
Bugging?
Bribes?
I don't know.
Sometimes i think the only thing separating the american business from the mobs is f*ckin' whackin' somebody.
Listen to you.
Whackin'.
What?
He hangs around with tony soprano for 15 minutes and it's "f*ckin'" this and "f*ckin'" that.
We were over there for that fund- raiser.
I didn't see any g*ns anywhere.
Oh, but that bar with the goombah murano glass?
I like murano glass.
Those monte cristos?
What do you say?
After dinner?
Just jaded tired and bored right or wrong i ain't strong like i used to be i want to erase myself i know it ain't your type of music, but-- i like any kind of music that turns shit green.
Richie's been through a lot.
It's deep in his writing.
As a metal band, they were f*ckin' great.
But this, as far as i am concerned, blows away matchbox 20.
- What do they all themselves?
- Used to be defiler.
Then some personnel changes-- bass and drums.
But richie and vito are still the core of the band.
Now they're called visiting day.
Mom and dad had left me down and now i want to erase myself this is some loud shit.
Oh, we are alone yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah whoo!
- Take me away - that's richie.
And that's vito.
I don't want to stay - f*ck you!
- Sit the f*ck down, you mullethead.
This isn't the right place for them.
You suck!
You know, without the right help from you, visiting day could end up in the miscellaneous "v" section.
Don't be sad it's not bad - nobody cares - you interested?
I want to erase myself yes!
That scene where pesci sticks the guy's head in a vise, and then he f*ckin' pops his eye out-- i mean, i thought i was gonna die.
I'll be right back, okay?
Excuse me.
It's this way, right?
Yes.
Thank you.
I don't know.
What?
Richie.
Guy's 30, still lives with his parents.
It's because of the accident.
Richie had third- degree burns from trying to grill that trout with a downed power line.
At the same time, being electrocuted turned his life around.
Well, you did some ace f*cking selling.
You think?
Yeah.
Thing is, though, music is not something you can hold in your hands, you know, like football betting cards or coke.
It's art.
Berry gordy, whatever, he had to see it in the supremes.
It's an instinct.
I see it in richie.
Yeah.
Probably is.
I'm really f*ckin' doin' it!
And it's all thanks to you.
I got to make a demo cd, like massive advised, and then-- yeah!
My wife thinks i need to meet new people.
So?
Come on.
You're italian.
You understand.
Guys like me, we're brought up to think themeddigan are f*ckin' bores.
The truth is, the average white man is no more boring than the millionth conversation over who should have won, marciano or ali.
So am i to understand that you don't consider yourself white?
I don't mean white, like caucasian.
I mean a white man, like our friend, cusamano.
Now, he's italian, but he's ameddigan.
He's what my old man woulda called the wonder bread wop.
Eats his sunday gravy out of a jar.
You seem to want to branch out.
What's stopping you?
The guys.
What they'd think if i started hanging out with themeddigan.
I was in your neighborhood last night, at the cusamano's.
- Oh, yeah?
- Dinner party.
Shoulda stopped by.
Live right next door.
You didn't hear any strange noises last night in your neighborhood?
Noises?
Like someone screaming in pain?
Uh, no.
Probably a television set.
You saw my house?
Mm- hmm.
Oh!
This looks good.
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
That sausage, huh, where'd you get it?
- Little place in garfield?
- Honey, where'd we get the sausage?
That little place in garfield.
You know, the only thing better than a little sausage is a pair of tits.
I don't know about that, but it's a hell of a piece of meat.
Sausage is kind of a phallic thing.
Whereas tits-- so, jack, you're a stockbroker, right?
Mmm.
Any changes in the market comin'?
They're always changing.
That's what keeps us coming back.
Oh, by the way, rand, you hear from ross on dexplex?
No, not yet, but the buyout is definitely goin' down.
Just give me a little warning.
I need to call the islands.
Dexplex?
Oh, it's a little company.
It's going public, maybe.
Hey, hey.
Come on.
Come on, will ya?
The sun is shining.
It's a beautiful day.
Let's not talk business for once, huh?
American biotics.
Barb, our stock guru.
She thinks american biotics may be a good investment.
It's supposed to be close to a side- effect- free anti- impotence drug.
You guys play the stock market?
We don't just play.
We win.
Friends say i'm crazy she's gonna make me cry but none of them know the way we steal a little kiss and my, oh, my fools follow angels wanna believe she's mine all mine alone why am i such a fool friends say i'm crazy she's gonna make me cry but none of them know the way we steal a little kiss and, oh, my fools follow angels wanna believe she's mine all mine alone why am i such a fool erase myself are we alone yeah, yeah yeah, yeah take me away i don't want to stay there must be another way that's take 62.
We oughta just bag it.
Okay.
We're baggin' it.
We shoulda bagged this two days ago when it was f*cking perfect.
I wish i had thought of that.
It's good.
You know, not bad.
I think it's as good as we're gonna get right now.
Oh, it wasn't too bad.
It was kind of good.
Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you saying?
Is something wrong?
No, i'm sure we're all trying our best here.
I just think we hit a brick wall.
Maybe some rest.
Hey, hey, f*ck that!
I paid for three days' studio time already.
It's only gonna cost me more money to pack it up and come in again, isn't it?
I don't get it.
We got through the instrumental tracks with no problem.
Ah, i'm f*ckin' beat.
What do you say we finish this shit?
Three days now we been slammin' our hams.
Look, kinkos gave me five days off.
It's not the end of the world.
Kinko's?
Buddy, this is costing me Here.
Try this.
Dude, i don't do dr*gs anymore, okay?
Well, hats off.
But for all the dynamic excitement in these songs, maybe we should get another downed power line in here, let you suck on it.
- Christopher!
- What you just heard was our balls- out, most introspective song.
- It's not supposed to rock.
- it'll be our first single.
No, dude, second.
"Sharon's chair" will be the one that busts out.
I like "melt.
" Come on.
Go sh**t the crank, let's wrap this up, all right?
- What?
- You heard me.
Spike up.
- No f*cking way.
- Christopher, i'm producing these sessions.
Go take the f*cking dr*gs.
I'm not f*cking around anymore.
Look, the problem, christopher, is that the bass and the drum tracks were miked wrong from the f*cking beginning.
Whoa, hey, king of rock, you're out of your depth.
Look, let me tell you something, dude.
Thank you, but i've recorded in denmark.
Okay.
You want to know what the problem is?
Where are the f*cking choruses?
All your songs, you got no choruses.
Your choruses are basically just another verse.
I mean, what happened to "she loves you," huh?
- "She loves you"?
- Yeah, the song.
Started with the chorus.
There is structure.
That's how you build a song.
The beatles, the beatles, the beatles.
Look, that's been It makes me sick.
- What is he, nuts?
- f*ck this, man.
Where are you goin'?
I'm goin' to a. A. , you f*ckin' jerk- off.
- Get back to work.
- Ooh, okay.
- Huh?
Huh?
Come on.
- Ooh, big man, huh?
f*ck!
You all right?
What?
What?
Get back in the booth!
So we take it from the top.
We'll use a ukulele.
I can't believe you.
Yeah, yeah.
Five thousand shares.
American biotics.
Can you place the order today?
Okay, great.
I'll have the money to you by tomorrow.
Okay.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
- Are you spying on people now?
- I live here.
Are you playing wall street now.
Women are better savers than men, and we are nurturers.
What do you know about the stock market?
I keep my ears open.
Cnbc is a very interesting channel.
Listen, your father, god bless him, he does very well.
But who knows, you know?
What if something unforeseen should happen.
What if he gets hit by a truck.
I mean, then what?
I got you kids to think about.
I don't know, mom.
Well, when you get married, you will know.
A woman's got to keep her sense of individuality.
This here is a life lesson.
Okay.
Let's go to georgette klinger's.
Massage, facial, joie de "beau- tay.
" On me.
Sure.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
It's a lily.
Now, that's a shot.
Ball runs like a frightened fawn.
W. C. Fields.
That thing's still runnin'.
I gotta tell ya, this is a nice place.
Didn't i tell ya?
We oughta see about making you a member.
Tony, you ever play that place in orlando?
No, i never get down there.
Well, disney world.
You know, al's place.
Mount plymouth?
- Al capone built it.
- No shit?
Capone was a golf fanatic.
That's right.
- So you guys watch a&e.
- tony, uh, let me ask you a question.
If i'm stepping on any toes, tell me.
How real wasthe godfather?
I mean, in your opinion.
What do you mean, real?
Authentic or not.
I don't know.
How would i know?
It was the'50s, right.
No, it was 1972.
What he means is the story took place in the'50s.
I wanna know if you really had to cut your finger and take an oath.
Like gridlock on times square on this golf course today, isn't it?
This traffic in manhattan's gotten worse since "don't block the box.
" You got a lot of friends in new york, tony?
Yeah.
You ever go down to little italy?
- You know, san gennaro, the feast, with the kids.
- Tell the truth.
What's the first thing you think of when you hear "mulberry street"?
Umberto's.
Hey, did you ever see that picture of gallante dead with a cigar hangin' out of his mouth?
- No.
- It's a f*ckin' beautiful hit, huh?
Sorry, tony.
You probably knew the guy, huh?
- How old you think i am?
- You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but i gotta know.
Did you ever meet john gotti?
Yeah.
I knew john.
Whoa!
f*ck!
What was he really like?
- Remember bungalow bar?
- The ice cream trucks?
Like good humor, except the trucks had bungalow roofs on'em.
Was gotti a silent partner in all that thing?
I don't know nothin' about that.
Just know that when the company folded and they were auctioning off the last bungalow bar truck, the one with the peaked roofs-- you're right, cooze-- cooze.
Well, they're auctioning off the last bungalow bar truck and i wanted it as a souvenir.
Gotti outbid me.
Gave me a ride home.
You know, he rang that bell the whole way home?
Oh!
They're wavin' at us.
Meow meow meow meow i love this part.
Now i've lost my inner child i should hope yeah, this is good.
He ain't been defiled i am just that's some good guitar.
Listen to that shit.
A tortured soul they got it goin' on.
Makin' money yeah.
Is an empty hole meow meow meow meow so?
I think it's, uh, not good.
Want to be a little more specific?
There's good and there's not good.
This is not good.
Okay, maybe it's not your era.
No offense.
Music is music.
Talent is talent.
I don't care who you are.
And i've seen them all.
I saw heavy metal invented by hendrix at the cafe wha.
Kid just came out of the army.
I said to him, "kid, i don't know what you call it-- talent, charisma, magic-- but you've got it.
" These kids, they don't.
Sorry.
You're just pissed that i went against you at the sit- down.
Get the f*ck out of here and stop wasting my time.
This vito is a great f*cking guitar player, hesh.
Fine.
Great.
He's a great guitar player.
However, there's one constant in the music business-- a hit is a hit.
- And this, my friend, is not a hit.
- Why?
Christ.
For reasons we couldn't comprehend or codify, you pathetic schlepper.
f*ckin' massive is a genius, so what the f*ck was he talkin' about?
I remember when i was a kid, there was this guy in my neighborhood.
We used to call him jimmy smash.
He wasn't Ret*rded, but we thought he was because he had one of these, uh, whatchamacallits.
Hey, how the f*ck are ya?
What do you call that?
Cleft palate.
Yeah.
Well, we was kids, right?
So what the hell do we know?
Every time he opened his mouth, we'd piss ourselves laughin'.
But jimmy didn't mind, because he got to hang out with us.
Popular crew.
Although we only called him when we were bored.
Called him, said, "hey, jimmy.
Sing'mack the knife'.
" And because he wanted to hang out with us, he'd belt it right out.
We'd f*ckin' roll on the floor laughing.
And then, you know, when the laughs got old, we stopped callin' him.
Wasn't till years later that i found out the poor prick was goin' home every night and cryin' himself to sleep.
When i found out, you know, i-- i felt bad.
But i never really understood what he felt.
To be used, you know, for somebody else's amusement like a f*ckin' dancin' bear till i played golf with those guys.
Well, you thought cusamano was your friend.
You live, you learn.
Do you mind if i ask you a question?
Whatever happened to jimmy?
Jimmy smash?
He's doin' 20 for robbery.
Wasn't too hard for the cops to figure out who it was.
He goes up to the bank teller with a mask, he goes, "give me your money.
" Some fucker's on the phone for you.
Good morning, herman.
I'm listening.
Good.
I wouldn't want you to miss anything i have to say.
I've been thinking about it.
- Go on.
- You'll have to find another schmuck to have a moment with.
You do know what this means, herman.
Stupid enough to say it over the phone, let's hear it.
I don't thr*aten, herman.
I act.
Genius, you're getting yourself in way over your head here.
Why don't you think about backin' up a little bit?
You know, let sleepin' dogs lie.
Hey, soprano.
Let me share with you what i suspect about this gangsta rap shit.
I think you probably got a degree in sociology from the city college.
I grew up in the projects.
Delta 13.
k*lled a man.
Later on, i got a degree.
But urban planning.
You were close.
Now, when it comes to which is mightier, the pen or the m*therf*cking sword, i let the situation dictate.
- Don't press it.
- I'm gonna do my part to keep mr.
Rabkin's people working.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Expect to hear from goldstein, baum and woronov.
They'll be representing miss willis in the lawsuit.
- You gonna sue?
- With what i pay in retainers, f*ck, yeah.
I hear that.
Yeah, well.
Listen, be advised that on your artist scratch's last single, you sampled a backing vocal from the chablis' for which f- note records controls the master recording rights.
No shit?
Yeah, shit.
I would of course have to counter sue.
I'll see you in court.
f*ckin' legal fees.
What kind of moolies are these?
They call themselves gangsters.
It's a new f*ckin' day.
f*ckin' depressing.
Okay.
Now this is a donatella versace.
- Nice.
- You like it better than the alaia?
- Keep'em both.
- Christopher, $2, 400!
- I don't think you really like it.
- I like it.
I like it.
Huh?
Mtv awards?
- What?
- Nothing.
I thought we put that fight behind us.
You want me to take all this back, i will.
No problem.
No.
f*ck, i want you to have it.
You know how i use the technique of positive visualization?
I know you talk about it.
You're fairly negative a lot of the time.
Well, i think you should mentally prepare for the f*ckin' possibility that visiting day sucks.
- What?
- I think the only reason you've gotten this far with massive is he wants to be in your pants.
Boy, oh, boy.
I let some experts listen to the demo.
They shit all over it.
I'm sorry.
Experts?
Who, hesh?
That old f*cking synagogue cantor?
Silvio.
He owned rock clubs in asbury.
You heard what squid said.
He's a professional engineer.
What about my opinion?
That it's good, that it's special?
His eyes are on your ass, adriana, 98% of the time.
You know that.
This is just a way for you to keep me down.
- Aw, that ain't fair.
- I don't want these clothes.
What's wrong with it, huh?
What's wrong with visiting day?
I don't know, but it's a problem that you don't know.
Richie, he'll sing anything.
You just don't want to believe that i could have a relationship with a man like massive that wasn't based on f*cking.
That was based on intelligence, respect, talent.
I'll shut up.
You sayin' i don't have talent?
I've branched out, made new friends, new horizons, and you can't stand that.
Yeah.
Go silent.
That's you.
Either screaming your head off or f*cking dead.
I don't think i can stay here anymore.
I love you.
That is such a lie.
Hey, carmela!
In here.
I need a finger.
What's in the box?
Sand.
I'm f*ckin' with cusamano.
Tony-- beautiful.
You look kinda cute when you're bein' a bad boy.
You're awfully chipper today.
So what are you gonna do with the box?
Give it to him.
Tell him to-- "hold on to it for awhile.
" Oh, tony!
That is so evil!
Yeah, i know.
That's why it's so much fun.
Oh, good.
Cooze.
Cooze.
Cooze.
Come here.
Hey, ton'.
How ya doin'?
Good.
How you doin'?
Fine, thanks.
Listen, ah, you know, that, uh, nickname-- what, cooze?
Cusamano.
Yeah, it's got that other connotation that-- no, not anymore.
Listen, pal, i need a little solid.
I need you to hang on to this for a while for me.
Hang onto it a little while.
I'll come get it when i need it.
How long?
A month, you know.
Maybe more, maybe less.
Okay?
Thanks.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, the club.
I meant to ask you about the club.
What's going on?
Oh, the club.
I'm sorry, ton'.
Membership's closed.
Closed?
Yeah.
No new members until old members die.
Nobody's dyin'?
Nothin' anybody could do anything about.
No biggie, cooze.
Thanks.
You sure?
I mean, because-- naw.
I'll live.
And all temptations i resist and nothing can compare to this oh, nobody loves me nobody loves me but you and for that i'd love to find i'd give it all away in gratitude now, uh, that's a hit.
And all temptations i resist nothing can compare what is it?
Heroin?
Shit, jean, i don't know.
A w*apon?
I don't know.
Could be anything.
Uh, uh!
Don't touch it.
You know who we are you know what we do we're comin' to defile defile you stay out of our way and don't be so gay we're comin' to defile defile you my- y- y lord my- y- y ford is a rocket stop the crush in the midst of a rock show i'm on the radio, yeah and know who we are and know what we do we're comin' to defile defile you