[THEME SONG PLAYING]
♪Ace Ventura
Alrighty, then.
♪Pet detective on the run
[LAUGHING]
[TRUMPETING]
♪Ace Ventura
♪ Doesn't even have a g*n
Yes! Yes!
Whoa!
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[SCREAMING]
♪ Ace Ventura
Ace Ventura, pet detective.
♪ Pet detective on the run ♪
[LAUGHING]
[LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING]
Man, I love peanuts.
[GRUNTS]
[MUMBLING]
Peanuts are fresher and tastier when you buy them from the pet store.
Right, Spike?
[GASPS] Mega goober.
I just gotta have it!
[SCREECHING]
Hey, tiger!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Gee, I didn't know it meant that much to you.
-[SPIKE BURPS] -[SHUSHES]
Easy on the gas.
Shickadance has been barking for rent, and all I've got are peanuts.
[DOG BARKING]
He's really getting good at that.
Now, let's see if he drinks out of the toilet.
Bam! Surfside security. No pets allowed, buster.
Ventura.
Oh, Mr. Shickadance.
For a moment I thought I was in the wrong building.
I heard a dog bark. Looks like I heard right.
[GRUMBLES]
Congrats on the policy change, Mr. Shakalakadance.
I thought you'd never come around.
There is no policy change, and the mutt's not mine, Ventura.
-It belongs to my niece. -Hello.
[GASPS] You mean to tell me
this noble breed of Shar Pei, this heavenly creature,
hound of the flappy skin which lends itself to doing this...
-[DOG WHINING] -[GROWLING]
...is not allowed in your building?
Does Joey have to leave, Uncle Shicky?
No, no, no, Camila, honey.
Of course, Joey's allowed here.
You're my favorite, Uncle Shicky.
-[DOG BARKING] -[SCREAMS]
Then I guess I can whip out my monkey.
[SCREAMS]
No!
[THUDS]
I'll get you for this, Ventura.
Say it, don't spray it.
[FROGS CROAKING]
[SNORING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
SHICKADANCE: Ventura, I know you're in there.
[SCREAMS]
Spike, we own this place now, remember?
Ventura, sorry to disturb you.
-No bother. My monkey and I... -[GRUNTS]
...and some other non-human friends were just having a slumber party here
at the wonderful Surfside we-love-animals' apartments.
[GROWLING]
I can see where he might mistake you for a bug.
Listen, Ventura, that mangy mutt's been nabbed.
Camila woke up and he was gone, and I need your help.
I'll help but it'll cost you.
Sure. Sure. I'll pay.
Specifically, one, no, free month's rent, utilities included,
fur-resistant chic slipcovers for my sofa,
a year's supply of monkey chow,
and the three-ton bag of kitty litter behind door number one.
-[DOOR OPENS] -[SNIFFS]
Is Joey house trained?
Oh, yes. Joey would never do his business indoors.
Well, someone did right here.
Either your Uncle Shicky has some funny ideas in the potty department.
Or Joey made an uncharacteristic blunder
because something in this window scared him
before whisking him into the night.
[SPIKE CHOKING]
Oh, poor monkey's got a tummy ache.
I'll have you know old Shickity split
that Spike here just spewed our first clue.
This lowly goober is of the low-grade fuzzy and sour breed
found at certain public entertainment extravaganzas.
Therefore, either a baseball team took your Joey,
or the circus is in town.
[LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING]
[MONKEY SOUNDS]
Why do I get to be the monkey?
Because I'm too big to be a circus midget.
Look, suspects.
We'll interrogate them through the miracle of voice throw.
Yeah!
[LAUGHS]
Big top of the morning to you, gentlemen of the white face.
Mr. gentleman to you, shorty.
[LAUGHING]
Yes, that's why they call you clowns.
I'm looking for a dog. Seen one around?
Oh, yeah, we've seen him. He's over there on a stick.
[LAUGHTER]
I recommend you answer my question
unless you want to watch me transform this ordinary clown into a mime.
-Do what he says. -Okay.
Okay. I haven't seen any dogs.
Spank you. Lew-who-za-her.
Peons, we'll infiltrate central command.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Here, Joey, Joey, Joey. Here, Joey, Joey, Joey.
I will exchange confidences with the fellow simian.
[MONKEY SOUNDS]
Little dog about yea high.
[MONKEY SOUNDS] Goes by the name of Joey.
Alrighty, then.
Hey, pretty good tips in this business.
Pearls before six? Hmm?
Gold?
Hold it! Or should I say hold up.
This chimps robbing chumps blind.
Hmm.
Two clown outfits, cigar burns repairs,
one pair of chimpanzee overalls,
extra-large pockets added, one ring master's coat,
extra charge for polishing sequins.
Polishing sequins!
Only one person could be behind this,
and that one person is actually two persons.
[CROWD CHANTING] We want our money back. We want our money back.
They're on to us.
Nah, their show stinks.
They just think they got ripped off at the box office.
CROWD: Boo! Boo!
But they don't know the half of it. [LAUGHS]
I know. I'll bring up our showstopper.
Ladies and gentlemen, now for the highlight of our show.
The one and only, Butterball, the jumbo elephant.
[CROWD GRUMBLING]
That's not Butterball, the jumbo elephant.
No. He's Ace Ventura.
Here to pull the plug on the greatest scam on earth.
[CROWD GASPS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
CROWD: We want our money back. We want our money back.
Roy, they must really not like the show.
Now they're on to us, you twit.
All right. You got us, Ventura. We're guilty.
And untalented.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Stop that.
He's stealing our audience, and we haven't even had our show stopper.
Now, just one thing doesn't fit.
Why the puckered pooch?
-What puckered pooch? -What puckered pooch?
What puckered pooch?
BOTH: That's what we asked you. What puckered pooch?
-What? -Huh?
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
It's Butterball, our show stopper.
You hypnotized her to hop like a kangaroo?
No. We hypnotized her to balance on a big ball
while I singLady of Spain.
What have you maniacs done to her?
What have you done to her brain? [SOBBING]
We don't know anything.
Butterball was acting dazed and confused all morning.
Now this.
[DOG BARKING]
Oh, really?
[DOG BARKING]
CROWD: Aww!
For shame.
I'm telling you, we stole wallets.
We didn't steal no dog.
Maybe you better let me have that pup.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING]
[SCREAMING]
[LOUD THUD]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[MUTTERING]
Phew! That must mean nothing got stepped on.
[CROWD CHEERING]
The audience is actually entertained
which can only mean Uwe and Roy
aren't behind Butterball's behavior after all.
So an elephant stole Joey but why?
Baby kangaroos are called joey.
Does Butterball think Joey is her joey?
And if so, where would a kanga-phant or an ele-roo play out?
It just hit me.
I know where to find Butterball!
The world of wonder, the world down under.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
Why do I get to be mama kangaroo?
Because I'm too big to be a joey.
Good day, Sheila, cute little toy you have.
Looks just like you, sort of.
Dingoes! Watch out for the dingoes.
They'll steal your baby.
If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer.
[SPIKE SQUEAKING]
Today on Ace,
elephants who assume the identities of other animals.
Do they just want more out of life,
or are their actions related to a mysterious dazed and confused condition?
[DOG BARKING]
[WATER SPLASHING]
Now that could put out a fire.
That's it, boss monkey man, I mean, dog face.
Obviously, these dazed and confused elephants
assume the identity of the first animal they see.
WOMAN: Humane Society, we love animals. Yes, ma'am.
An elephant's building a dam in your backyard. Hold please.
Yes, sir, we have the report of an elephant building a bird's nest on the roof.
We're sending someone out.
What's the elephant doing? Cutting a tree in the alley?
Funny how one never stops to wonder
how many elephants inhabit an urban environment
till they all go berserk.
I've received a call about every elephant in town except one.
That actor elephant Bobkiss.
He's sh**ting a movie from Miami Studios.
I say we get there before it's too late.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
I hate it when it's too late.
So let me guess,
your woolly mammoth here spotted some ferocious feline moments
before turning into a saber-toothed tiger?
Yeah, yeah. We broke for lunch so I got additional lions
for the king of the jungle scene. How did you know?
I'm Ace Ventura, pet detective.
-[SCREAMING] Whoa! -[THUDS]
I believe I'm ready for a big slab of raw meat now,
Mr. DeMille.
Catering!
Spank you. Spank you very much.
The last normal elephant in Miami thinks it's a lion.
Now, we may never know.
It was weird. Only this morning...
I know. I know. He was acting dazed and confused.
That's right. He couldn't remember his lines.
I thought elephants never forget anything.
Elephants do not forget.
It's true to meant both the African and Indian oaf,
imposing large memory gland located in the brain's temporal lobe
which accounts for the pachyderm's well-earned reputation.
Elephants are assuming the identities of other animals
because they're forgetting who they are.
No! No!
Something's affecting the memory glands of elephants but what?
A mutant gene?
Radio waves from cell phones?
Too much bad cholesterol? Not enough good cholesterol?
-[TIRES SCREECH] -[CRASHES]
I've got to stop doing this.
[GROANS] Wrinkle cream, huh?
Now, that's an item you ought to cut a coupon for, pooch?
Memory cream. Memory gland. Memory cream. Memory gland.
I get this sudden feeling it's not a something tampering with elephant's memory glands,
it's a someone.
Yes, boys and girls,
any minute now Al the elephant will be here
to share in the excitement of Big Nut peanut butter.
It's gooey. It's fatty.
It's full of good cholesterol.
♪And good cholesterol Is good for elephants
♪ And elephants are good For tracking evil Blood-sucking criminals ♪
That's one obnoxious peanut that ought to get roasted and shelled.
Afterward, if you're good.
First, I must have that elephant.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Prepare for surgery.
[BOTH CHOKING]
-[GASPS] -[BARKING]
I think it's a toy pig or something.
The only pigs around here are you three scum-sucking pigs.
So we meet again.
You've met Mr. Bingo.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Mr. Ventura.
Just checking.
Always a pleasure, Odora,
the putting you behind bars part, that is.
This must be the apparatus which goes on the unsuspecting mastodon's head, and...
[SLURPING]
...out comes fluid from that famous memory gland
leaving one dazed, confused and very forgetful elephant.
All so you could sell some greasy ointment.
Impressive deduction.
You see, the precious fluid from the memory glands of elephants
really will make wrinkles go away by helping skin remember its youth.
Do you have a deodorant in your product line, B.O.-dora
'cause you're kind of stinky for such a delicate flower.
Now, I'll just take that precious memory fluid
and return it to my pachyderm friends, senorita prune pus.
You failed to anticipate one thing, Mr. Ventura.
Oh? And what might that be?
The brain cap you hold in your hands
has a remote-activated security system.
Do the honors, Sullivan.
-[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] -[ACE MUMBLING]
Oh. [GROANS]
One obnoxious peanut roasted.
Now, let's shell him.
[LAUGHS]
[WHIMPERS]
You see, Miami's elephants are just the beginning.
If my sales are good,
there won't be a single elephant safe from my gland-sucking siphon.
[LAUGHS] How about a little demonstration?
Here's a needy customer.
You fiend. You've turned Joey into a chihuahua.
I promise you, Odora,
I'll expose the truth to your buying public.
My dear, Ventura, in just a moment,
not only will you not remember the truth,
you won't even remember your own name.
Thanks for the memories, Mr. Ventura.
Zap! Pooch! Beast! Crackle box! Zap! Ping!
[LAUGHS]
Gee, my head feels so light and airy
like nothing's inside.
Who am I?
Why, I think I'm Atrocia Odora?
I must be.
I'm evil, and I like to suck animal glands,
and even though I'm a big, rich, perfume heiress...
I'm all stinky in the underarm department.
I am not stinky.
[SNIFFS] Oh, yeah. Stinky! Stinky! Stinky!
You make him stop.
He's unplugged.
Wait. It's all coming back to me. Yes.
I remember now.
-I want this! Here, doggy. -After him.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
-[SPIKE SCREECHING] -[BUTTERBALL TRUMPETING]
Hey, kid, official business. Need the wheels.
What the?
Say, Joey, ever do the limbo?
[SCREAMING]
Ooh! Hey, tilt me, doggy.
Careful, you idiot. He stole the memory fluid.
-Where'd he go? -Excuse me?
I hate to be a backseat driver,
but I think you were tailgating.
You could rear end somebody, or get in a crackup.
Give me my fluid!
-[DOG BARKING] -[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING]
Cowabanga!
[HORNS HONKING]
Spike, my man. Nice to see you.
Heads up.
Touchdown. Like a glove fit.
[ALL GASP]
[SCREAMS]
[GROANS]
Now, what was I just going to do?
Hmm.
Oh, Butterball,
just what Doctor Pet Detective ordered,
a nice memory-restoring smoothie.
Bottoms up.
[TRUMPETING]
Welcome back, Butterball.
Now what? No!
Economical with plenty of truck space.
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
[ODORA CHATTERING]
Camila, darling, I need to forewarn you.
Joey has a sassy new look.
I don't care what Joey looks like. He's home with me.
Mr. Shickadance fever, good thing about the policy change.
My friends need a place to crash for tonight.
[ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING]
SHICKADANCE: Ventura!
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]