14x17 - Kris Jenner's Legacy

[bunniefuu]

[Khloé] Previously on
Keeping Up with the Kardashians...

[Khloé] Alexa!

-I'm pregnant.
-Oh, my God.

[Khloé] I think I'm in a state of shock.

I almost can't believe it.
But a good shock.

We have an announcement.

KoKo, want to throw the hammer down?

We're having a baby!

-What? Oh, my God.
-[all exclaiming]

No way!

[Khloé] Yes, we are.

-Khloé! I am so happy for you!
-No wonder you gained a few pounds!

Oh, my God!

[Kim] I am so tired.
I cannot get up this early.

How early?

Saint was up at, like, 4:30.

What the hell was he doing at 4:30?

Crying and saying, "Baba, baba.
Downstairs. Go get."

[Khloé] Aw, he's so cute though.

So you know we're having the baby
in Cleveland.

Yeah. How is that gonna happen?
What if you're, like...

-I have my doctor.
-What?

She's flying to Cleveland
to deliver the baby.

What if it's an emergency

-and something happens?
-No, stop saying these things.

You have to be prepared.

[sighs]
Don't scare me.

I don't have another option.

And then are you gonna,
like, eat your placenta?

I'm gonna eat it in pills.

Yeah, so then,
you need the placenta person

-to come while it's still fresh.
-That's not just, like, a...

a thing at the hospital?

No. You need to find a placenta company.

And then, like, they knock on the door
when you're, like, just giving birth,

and they're like,
"The placenta pickup's here."

How do I know
that they're giving me back my placenta?

You don't.

But, like, with Saint,
my placenta was double the size.

It was really oddly big.

-Ew.
-And so, she gave me two jars.

What are your jars of?

Like purple pills, and it's, like,
you pick a grape flavor or whatever.

No, you're lying now.

Yeah, I swear.

-No.
-Yeah.

Grape-flavored what? Placenta?

Yeah.

What?

[Kim] Mm-hmm.

Ew.

[theme music]

[phone ringing]

[Kim] Hey.

Yeah, I said, I... Well, I started off
saying that this...

"I love you a lot like a sister,

and this conversation's really hard
for me to have,

but, you know, I just think that

you've outgrown your position here."

[somber music]

She's like, "I totally get it,
and I totally respect you,

and you've taught me everything,

and I'm so grateful I've been with you
for five years."

My assistant Stephanie and I
have decided to part ways.

She wanted a different role,
and I was moving in a different direction,

so I felt like, you know, for both of us,
it just wasn't the right fit anymore.

She's, like,
really been there for me, you know?

And so, I said, "I love you so much."

And I was like,
"Maybe this is good too, like,

push you to figure out
what you want to do."

It was, like... It ended, like, really well.
Like, she knew that she needed this time,

and she knew it, like, wasn't working.

Totally. Yeah.

All right.

Love you.

Bye.

-[phone chimes]
-[Kim gasps]

Oh, my God. TMZ just got a tip
that you're pregnant.

[tense music]

-Me?
-"Khloé too. Just a heads-up.

We're getting tips
that Khloé is pregnant as well.

I think it's just the buzz,
but just a heads-up here."

Tracy just wrote back question mark,
question mark, question mark.

[line ringing]

-[Tracy] Hey.
-Hey.

[Tracy]
So, they're not gonna do anything yet.

He just said,
"We're hearing buzz about it."

[Khloé] So far,
TMZ has not published the article,

but I'm just mad because

there's so many risks involved
when you're newly pregnant.

And if the doctor's telling me

not to announce anything
until a specific time,

I am respecting that, and I just hate
that everyone is prying and so nosy.

It's super frustrating.

[Tracy] If it gets to the point where
they're definitely gonna do something,

-I'll let you know.
-Okay.

But I think for now,
they're just beginning

to sort of hear about it.

And so, I'm sure
they're gonna start poking around.

At the moment, I've only told
my immediate family and friends,

and that's what I'm gonna
keep it to right now.

Can't believe all these rumors...
Like, where do they come from?

And, like...

I just don't understand
how everything happens.

Do you?

Yeah, I think people just talk.

[sighs]
I only have a few hours

to finish this puzzle.

I do not like puzzles like this.
This is a really hard one.

-Yeah, it's like...
-This is, like, for 90-year-olds.

Like, this is what you do
when you're really old.

Is this, like, a rabbit or a cheetah?

[North] Cheetah.

Cheetah. Yes!

I watch Kim Kardashian West's
The Look Book, and I text Kim.

I go, "You got to watch this."

It was so good. Going through
Kim's whole style evolution...

Yeah, I had no idea they were doing that.

-It was really cute.
-I don't watch TV.

Like, no one cares.

You don't get an award
because you watch less TV.

I do, 'cause I'm winning in life.

-You got to, like, stay relevant.
-[Khloé] You got to stay relevant.

[Kourtney] Um, so I've been thinking
about freezing my eggs.

Are you serious? You want another kid?

What if I do though?
I don't know what I want.

[Kourtney] What if I want a kid
in the next ten years?

Wouldn't you rather have the insurance,
like, sitting... like, sitting there?

Well, if you have a kid
when you're pushing 50, then...

Janet Jackson just did it.

Yeah, but...

[Kim] Who would you have a kid with?

-I don't know.
-[Khloé] She does.

-Look at that smile.
-No, I don't.

Wouldn't you just say,
"Hey, Scott, give me your sperm,"

and they take it in a turkey baster,
and they stick it up you and squishy?

[Kourtney]
I don't need a baby to have a baby.

I have three kids.

I'm saying if I am, like, in love,
and the person wants to have a kid,

-and...
-So you're thinking about a younger guy?

What are you talking about?

-[Khloé] I'm just trying to see...
-I get it.

...if I can get it out of you.

If I wanted to have it with...

with my situation right this second,

I would take out my IUD,
and I would get to work.

[grunts, whispers]
Get to work.

But I don't need...
That's... Right now, I'm good.

-Good. Got it. Got it.
-[Kourtney] Okay.

This is if you're in love
and want to fulfill

the man's dream of a baby.

-Yup.
-[Kim] Mm-hmm.

What if I want my love
to come into the world?

[scoffs]

Is that gross to you?

It's so weird that babies are born.

-My favorite girl. Who's my favorite girl?
-Me!

-[Kris] Hi.
-[Kim] Hi.

What are you doing?

-Nothing.
-[Kris sighs]

-No?
-What are you doing?

Just trying to get all my work done

so that I can go to this little meeting
that I have to do.

-So, I have a question.
-Yeah.

-Your hair looks fantastic.
-Thank you.

-So, who did it?
-Chris Appleton.

-He did?
-Mm-hmm.

I don't know. I'm feeling like,

I wanted to dye my hair blond
my entire life.

What?

[Kris] People have always thought
that Kim and I look a lot alike,

and that's always worked out
really well for me

because I get a lot of my inspiration

from some of the things
that Kim does and wears.

And since the blonde looks so good on her,

I don't know, maybe I can pull it off.

But it would have to be done.

-'Cause I remember he did yours so gentle.
-This took, like, 15 hours.

-But look how long your hair is.
-And your hair is never the same.

Why? What happens when you're blonde?

It's like gummy.

Gummy?

It's like you can feel it,
like, elasticky.

Wow, I had no idea.

But then it looks cute
when your roots grow in,

but your roots are white,

-so they're not gonna be, you know, dark.
-[laughs]

You're right.

[upbeat music]

-[Kourtney] Khlo?
-[Khloé] Yeah?

Hi. How are you?

Oh, how's your penis?

How's your penis?

I don't feel well.

Literally, I, like, can't walk.

[Khloé] I told Tristan. He was like,

"You haven't gone anywhere with me
in the last two weeks."

And I was like, "I'm so sorry."

When you did your progesterone,

did anything ever happen
to, like, the outside of you?

[Kim] Like what?

Like, it's so gross.

I was, like,
thought I was, like, spotting,

and I was like, "Okay, that's so weird."

And then the doctor was like,
"Where are you..."

Like, "How much are you spotting?"
I was like, "Not a lot." It's so weird.

So, like, I realized
it wasn't from the inside.

The outside is b*rned so bad
that it's bleeding.

[tense music]

[Khloé] My doctor realized that I have
really low levels of progesterone,

so I have to take progesterone supplements
two to three times a day,

and it is t*rture.

[Kourtney] Why are you even doing this?

[Khloé]
Or else the baby is gonna not be here.

-[Kourtney] Why? What...
-[Khloé] Your body naturally produces

progesterone. If you don't...

-My body after... Yeah.
-[Kourtney] And yours doesn't?

And after you conceive,

there's, I guess, a cyst
that's, like, filled with progesterone.

It normally pops, she says.

And that keeps the sac in place.

And if not, that's how you miscarry.

So she said, for sure,
I would have miscarried.

Can you text your doctor right now
and see if you can get the sh*ts?

[Khloé] It's... Yeah.

-They're pills you put inside your vag*na.
-Like a suppository thing?

-Yeah.
-[Kim] Yeah. I did that for a while,

and then I was like,
"I can't [bleep] do this."

It comes out like clumpy cottage cheese.

Yeah.

-So, like, I'd have to, like, time it out.
-[Khloé] No, no.

Like, put it in at night,
or, like, have sex.

Then put it in.

Can't have sex in the morning. It's, like...

No, but I have to put it
in 3:00 in the morning

and 3:00 at night

'cause my progesterone is so low.

[Khloé] I have to wake up and put it in.

I have to, like, literally lay my legs up,
and I have to wait an hour.

This is not fun.

Like, three more weeks of this.

[sighs deeply]

I just feel sick every night,
just feel gross.

But now, like,
my [bleep] vag*na hurts like crazy.

I physically, like, can barely walk.

[tense music continues]

[upbeat music]

-After you.
-[Kourtney] Thank you.

I'm meeting with Dr. Huang to get
some information about freezing my eggs.

I just want to be as educated as I can
about what the process is

because I just need to really be sure
if it's something that I want to do.

[Dr. Huang] All right,
let's go over a couple of things.

So, these are eggs, okay?
So you've seen this before.

So... But it helps us understand
egg quality and egg quantity,

and the difference between the two.

The orange ones are the good ones, okay?

So, not all of a woman's eggs
are always good, okay?

And our goal is to do everything we can
to get these eggs in the freezer.

Because if this is you as a 38-year-old,
watch what happens when you're 39.

Watch what happens when you're 40... 42... 43.

-Mm-hmm.
-See how things are changing?

-Mm-hmm.
-All right, so as you get older,

it's gonna be harder and harder
to find a good one, okay?

Today, if you have
these six or seven eggs,

I'm trying to get these in the freezer.

That way, even as you get older,
you'll always have these to fall back on.

To do this, we're gonna start you on sh*ts
for about 8 to 12 days.

These are FSH sh*ts.

Does it make you fat? Does it...

You do get a little bit bloated.

You won't look bloated,
but you'll feel bloated.

[Kourtney]
After hearing about all the steps involved

in just putting all the hormones
in my body

and giving myself sh*ts every day.

Look, I just really have
to think about it.

Is there a way to do it natural,

or, like, a less kind of,

-like, estrogen or is there...
-Yeah. Absolutely.

The most natural way to do this
is to do no medications.

-Okay?
-Okay.

And you're gonna make one egg a month.

Remember, I want to get


How long is it gonna take me
to get 10 to 15?

It's gonna take me every month
for the next 10 to 12 months.

-Yeah.
-So, it's not very efficient.

So instead, my hope was that
we can do it once and get,

you know, six to eight eggs, okay?

-Can they last forever?
-We don't know if they can last forever,

-but we know they can last a while, okay?
-Okay.

[upbeat music]

[Kris laughing]
Oh, my God.

This is the new me.

[Kim] Mom.

Hey, Kim.

What is going on?

Do you like it?

-Oh, wow.
-I think it looks really great.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

I've never worn a wig like this before.

[Kris] I've really wanted
to go blonde for so long,

but the process
is really grueling on your hair,

that I thought I would try a wig first.

It takes, like, a really strong woman
to pull off this, like, icy blonde.

-It does?
-Yeah.

Have you ever seen the movie
The Devil Wears Prada?

-Yes. I love that movie.
-You kind of look like Miranda Priestly.

-Stop. Really?
-Yeah. Yeah.

-Hmm.
-Don't you think?

I could see it a little bit.

[Kris] Miranda Priestly
represents this amazing chicness,

and a New York attitude,

and now I'm looking in the mirror,
and Kim is right.

I mean, we are the same person.

I could get used to this.

-Welcome to the club.
-[Kris laughs]

It's kind of a good club.

Have you ever seen
the Instagram Dr. Pimple Popper?

Dr. Pimple Popper?

Every single post
is about, like, squeezing something.

But it's a doctor, or it's, like,
her name, Dr. Pimple Popper.

-Do you want to look at my neck?
-Now?

-I might have one.
-No, Mom, you're fine.

-Are you sure?
-Yeah.

-I'm not gonna do it on TV.
-Okay.

-Will you do it off TV? Okay.
-Yes, Mom.

[chuckles]

-Love you, Mom.
-Love you too.

Grandma, get in this.

Hi.

[Dr. Aliabadi] How are you?

-How are you? Good.
-Good. Come in.

The outside of my vag*na...

[Dr. Aliabadi] Oh, let's do a culture.

Yeah, and will you just,
not look at, or whatever,

but it's just, like,
the inside feels fine,

it's the outside
that's still kind of, like...

-Raw?
-Yeah.

My doctor brought me in
because I'm so uncomfortable.

You just want to, like, lay
with, like, ice all over.

You're just like, "Oh, my God."

Your poor vag*na.

-I know.
-[soft chuckle]

Is that from the progesterone?

[Dr. Aliabadi] It's from pregnancy.

-Perfect.
-Stress and pregnancy.

-It will resolve.
-[Khloé] I know.

-Welcome to pregnancy.
-Thank you.

-[laughs]
-Thank you very much.

So your progesterone level was perfect.

You did well.

It saved your pregnancy.

This is one example
why you don't announce early.

There's a lot of complications.
A lot of things could happen.

I could have had a potential to miscarry.

-Just this first part I see you so often.
-Okay.

I know I keep bringing you back,

-it's because of your progesterone.
-[Khloé] No, it's fine.

As soon as I get to my second trimester,

I will have such relief,
and that's all I'm waiting for.

All right, cutie.
I'll see you whenever you come back.

-[Khloé] Okay, thank you, bye.
-Bye.

[upbeat music]

I mean, is that bag cute,
or is it just sentimentally cute

-'cause we both love it?
-[Kourtney] No, it's both.

I'm gonna take a photo.

[clicks tongue]

You have issues.

You have major issues.
[laughs]

I do.

[Kourtney chuckles]

Hi.

Why are you taking photos?

'Cause, you know, Kourtney, like,
sets everything up with a prop.

[Larsa] It's all OCD.

[Sarah] You're not hot at all?

Sweetheart, I stay hot.

-That's why I just keep it inside me.
-I, um...

went to Dr. Huang.

He said if you want to do it
the natural way

and not have to do
the sh*ts and the estrogen,

they can take out one egg a month.

-But you have to be put under still.
-You have to be put under.

-Yeah, I've done it. Yeah.
-You've done it?

Oh, that's right, you said that.

-When did you...
-29 out,

and 20 mature enough to freeze.

'Cause I'm deciding on which guy
I want to be the father of my children.

I feel like if you had to choose,
like, out of a lab...

Oh, I'm not choosing from a lab.

-I have real prospects.
-[Sarah] Oh, okay.

[Larsa] Yes, thank you.

Hey.

It is poppin'!

-Hi.
-Hi.

[Kourtney] Scotty.

Hi.

Mwah.

[Sarah] You want some?

No, but I will have some rosé.

I didn't get to talk to you
about this today,

but everyone's always like,

"Oh, what time do you have
to wake up? Is it so early?"

I'm like, "No. Me and Kourtney
are on the best schedule.

She drops off kids, works out,

I work out in the morning,
and we start by noon."

-It's the best.
-[Sarah] Why don't you guys

-have a kid together?
-[laughs]

'Cause I'm not...

No, but I'm not desperate for a kid.

That's what you're not understanding.

I'm doing it if I'm in love

and I want to, like, bring that love
into the world in a human being.

Combo is key.

That's it.

Honey, we all know
the Kourtney shop doesn't close.

-[Larsa] No, it's open 24/7.
-[chortles]

-[Larsa chuckles]
-[Kourtney] But really,

I feel like I should just do it,
so I don't have to think,

"Oh, my God, is this for me?
Is this who I want to have kids with?"

Is this this? Is it that?
It's, like, putting too much pressure.

So, I'd rather just, like, do this
and I don't have to think about it.

I... I know why you're really doing it.

-Why?
-[Larsa] Why?

Tell me. I want to know your thought.

You're doing it
'cause you're dating someone younger

-and... and you want him to know...
-[Kourtney] Okay.

...that all the options are open
if he wants to have kids,

-then you'll be able to have kids.
-Oh, my God. No.

Totally, but you're not sure
about him yet.

That's why you want to do it right now.

She's breaking it down so crazy right now,
but it's all true.

[Sarah] It's true, thank you.
It's so true.

No, but I feel like
I could just make it happen.

That's why I'm like,
"Do I even care to do this?"

[Sarah] Like, for me,
I'm so happy I did it.

-I don't regret doing it.
-Now?

I was so happy I did it
even while I was doing it.

I was like,
"Okay, I'm doing this for a reason.

I'm doing this for a reason."

Because I was so moody
when I was doing the sh*ts.

I mean, like, I couldn't be around anyone.
I wanted to just punch everyone.

And then after, it made me depressed
for, like, two months.

[tense music]

Like, I just felt so... I did not
feel myself. I was super down after...

[Larsa] Because your hormones are...

Go, like, here, up to here,
and then they go all the way down

because they take all of it out.

Yeah, I would not want to do it
more than once, ever.

After hearing that the hormones
can really mess with you,

and it's, like, a very common thing,
that just, like, was alarming to me

because being, like, depressed, like,
who wants to go through that?

I mean, I understand why people
who actually are trying to get pregnant,

couples, why they, like,
get divorced over IVF.

Okay, well, I don't want to do it anymore.

[lively music]

[Khloé] Crazy thing about Mom,
she copies everything I do.

Like, don't you find that
annoying as [bleep]?

I'm asking you a question
but you're not listening, are you?

[Kourtney]
"Don't you find that annoying as [bleep]?"

[laughter]

I can tell you're gonna be in a good mood
for nine months, aren't you?

[Khloé]
Mom, what the [bleep] are you doing?

Seriously, what the [bleep]?

[Kourtney] This is how you chill

-in your house?
-[Khloé] Yeah, what are you doing?

Please don't bore me with your questions.

[Khloé] What?

But what the [bleep] is going on
on your head?

Is that your real hair?

[Kris] Of course, darling.

And if you don't get the Harry Potter book
for the twins, you're toast.

-What?
-Who's the twins?

Oh, please move at a glacial pace.

You know how that thrills me.

[Khloé] What are you doing?

[laughter]

She's doing Miranda Priestly.

Meryl Streep, we're really sorry.
We're big fans of yours,

and this isn't a reflection
of your acting, of course.

By the time I'm done
with this whole new vibe of mine,

I am going to be feeling Miranda.

Let me ask you a question.
How much do you wanna be Kim Kardashian?

I gave birth to Kim Kardashian.

-She's nothing without me.
-[Kris] I was a Kardashian

-before you were a Kardashian.
-[Khloé] Miranda Priestly...

And I don't want to hear
another piece of [bleep]...

Miranda Priestly does not raise her voice.

She's that elegant.

And this frantic flickering...

That's more like Cruella de Vil.

Yeah, if you're trying to be
Miranda Priestly, study her.

Like, it's only the best movie ever,
Devil Wears Prada.

[Kris] Okay. I'm gonna go upstairs
and practice some more.

-[Khloé] Okay.
-Okay.

-[laughing]
-Go upstairs and practice some more.

I'm going to get you a zi... zipper
for your mouth.

[Kris] That's all. Ta-ta.

Kim, hang that up.

Matthew, where's my coffee?
Did you die or something?

-How long is this gonna last for?
-[Kim] I don't know.

[Khloé] She's hysterical.

I made one comment, and she's so extra
that she's channeling Miranda Priestly.

I mean, I think it's obviously stupid
but fun to see her having this much fun.

Kourtney said I'm gonna be a bitch
for nine months, but I'm not a bitch.

Okay, good. I hope not.
I hope I was wrong.

-But no one else has said that but you.
-We will see.

Love to love you.

-What are you gonna say, you're sorry?
-[Kourtney] Love to love you.

-And?
-Sorry, not sorry. Sorry, not sorry.

[laughs]
Ow.

-You can't hit my vag*na.
-Yes, I can.

-There's no baby up in there.
-Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[Kourtney]
We both did ponytail vibes today.

[Khloé] Oh, my God!

There's something brewing.

Look how funny Reign is in baby class.

Everyone's, like, on the floor chilling,
and he, like, thinks he's the king.

He's so, so crazy. Where is this?

[Kourtney] My theater.

So, it's your house.
That's probably why he's also, like,

-roaming around.
-Yeah.

-So, you went to Dr. Huang yesterday?
-Yeah.

And now I feel like I don't know
if I want to do it.

[Khloé] Why?

Sarah did it, you know?

Oh, my God, yeah. She said that.

So, I was... She was telling me
that when you do, when she did the sh*ts,

she was so on edge
that she could barely speak to anyone.

She was really depressed
for two months after.

'Cause the hormones.
It's like, they... You go so, so high,

and then it's like a crash.

Hmm. I'm on raging hormones now.

It makes me a lunatic.

Like, hormones suck.

But every person is different.

I mean, he said you could still, like...

Your chances go down, like, every year,

but I'm like,
"Is their information, like, correct?"

Let's be realistic. So, how many more kids

do you genuinely, genuinely want?

-Let's think about it.
-I don't feel like I'm done

having kids in life.

-I just don't.
-Okay.

Okay.

I mean, if you wanna get pregnant at 40,
if you have a partner, whoever,

Mom got pregnant at 40 and 41,
like, 100 years ago.

That's what I was thinking.

So then I'm like,
"Do I just let God's plan happen?"

[Kourtney]
I really don't like to take medication.

I try to do everything
as naturally as possible,

and so,
I just really have to think about it.

Do I want to freeze my eggs?

Because at this point right now,

I really don't know what I want to do.

[upbeat music]

Whoa, Mase. I'm in the bushes.

Northie, I'm coming to get you.

[screams]

[upbeat music continues]

[Khloé] Oh, yeah.

This is my kind of section.

[line ringing]

It took so long to connect.

[Kris] She's bawling.

-She has been bawling for three minutes.
-Oh, my God.

[Kris] She's hysterical...

-[Kourtney] Who?
-...crying in the middle of a restaurant.

'Cause you guys are probably
just wasted or something.

-[Kourtney] Who?
-Jen Atkin.

-Why?
-'Cause Mom told her.

-About you?
-Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

It's Jen Atkin? You little [bleep] whore.

[Jen] I'm so happy I could die.
[crying]

-Is that her crying?
-[Kourtney] I've never seen you cry.

[Jen] Because I'm just so happy,
and I love you.

And I feel like it's, like, more exciting
than if it was me.

Like, literally, I feel like my life
just got better. It's weird.

[Khloé] Aw.

I wanted to tell you the other day,
but I just couldn't.

'Cause right, now nobody knows.

So this is the true test
if you tell anyone or not, Jen.

[Khloé] Yeah.

[Jen] How is T? Is he good?

Oh, my God, he's so happy and so excited.

He's super cute.

He makes it more, like, fun.

I know, I love him so much.

-Do you think you're gonna...
-I mean, one day.

-But you don't care?
-No.

I was married before,
and it didn't do anything for me.

-[Jen] Right, I get that.
-I'm in a good, healthy relationship.

That makes me so happy.

Oh, my God. Well, Jen, you're next.

[Khloé] You're married, so...

-No, I'm next.
-[Khloé] Okay, Mom.

-Okay.
-[Kris] All right, love you.

-Okay, love you too. Okay, bye.
-I'll call you tomorrow.

[Jen laughs]
Bye.

[Kourtney] Khlo, you ready?

[Khloé] You don't remember 45 minutes ago
when I said, "Can we leave?"

-Yeah, sorry, I forgot.
-[Khloé] Yeah.

Penelope, let's get shoes on.
Let's go, let's go.

-[Khloé] Time to get out of here.
-[Kourtney] Okay.

-Me and Khloé are twins today.
-Twinning.

[laughs]

[birds chirping]

-[Khloé] Hi.
-[Kourtney] How are you, Khloé?

I feel fine. I really don't feel bad.

I just get nauseous sometimes,

but literally, I have a ginger ale
and I'm fine.

I'm not, like, crazy, which is good.

I just don't want to see anyone
after work,

and everyone gets mad at me.

This is Miranda?

This is definitely not Miranda.

[Kim] This is, like, Dolly Parton.

[Khloé] Oh, this is nowhere near Miranda.

Do we have, like, a long, sleek...

-[laughs]
-[Khloé] Oh, what is this?

So, what's the other option?

We can't let my mom make
a mockery of Miranda,

so we're all gonna dress up as Miranda
and put on our best show.

And hopefully, that will inspire my mom.

I don't have anything that's Miranda,

so I'm gonna borrow something of Kourt's.

Yeah, we're all borrowing

-something of Kourt's.
-Yeah.

-[Khloé] How many furs...
-Do you want a leopard trench?

[Kim] I was thinking that.
That could work.

[Kourtney] Do you want that?
Or I have this fur from Cleveland.

-[Khloé] Okay.
-So we're all gonna be Miranda Priestly.

[Khloé] Go balls to the walls
and show her how it's done.

[Reign] Come over here.

Reign, can you check on my martini for me?

Is my martini ready?

[Reign babbles]

I'm so confused.

I've really been doing my research,

and I'm getting close
to doing a pretty good Miranda,

and I can't wait to show the girls.

Vodka martini.

[gasps]

-[Kris] It's Belvedere, right?
-[Charlie] Absolutely.

[Penelope] What are you doing?

I'm drinking.

See you.

This is how we get [bleep] done.

[Kris] What?

What?

What just happened?

That is so last season.

[Kris] This is ridiculous.

We need to just bring back Dynasty.

What is wrong with us?

[Khloé]
Your voice is a little too loud for me.

No.
[shushing]

What do you use those nails for?
Like, can openers?

They're disgusting.

Darling, you would do anything
to be me even for a minute.

I took a chance hiring
the smart, fat one as my manager.

I probably shouldn't have done that.

That will be all.

Thank you.

Never thought she'd leave.

They are trying to poke fun at my Miranda,

but this is no contest.

I win, hands down.

[Kris] I mean, I don't know
what's happened to these little fools.

They must have fallen down
on the pavement, hit their head.

You're sitting here eating all this food,
you animals.

You're just gonna get fat.

[Kourtney] Who eats food these days?

-Who decided that you had fashion sense?
-[Kourtney] It's 2017.

Have you noticed
I'm trying to ease out of fur?

-[Khloé] Food?
-[Kim] Fur.

-[Khloé] Hmm.
-[Kris] Kourtney.

My name is Miranda.
I'd like to be addressed that way, please.

My name is Miranda.

My name is Miranda.

Charlie, get the [bleep] over here!

-Mom, stop. What's wrong with you?
-[Kris] I don't know.

It just came out.

[Kris] Can I not get a [bleep] martini?

Was it not strong enough? Okay.

Kim, slide me that piece of paper
I had in my hand yesterday morning.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

The details of your incompetence
doesn't interest me.

[Khloé] Mom, I don't think you get
how fab you look.

-[Kris] Mm-hmm.
-[Kourtney] You really do look good, Mom.

-Of course I look good.
-You do.

-[Kris] Would you expect anything else?
-[Kourtney] Mm-mm.

We wanted to do this
in honor of Miranda Priestly.

[Khloé] We thought you needed
some improvement,

but you actually are doing
a phenomenal job,

and I think you should emulate this

-more often.
-[Kourtney] Mm-hmm.

'Cause it's chic and sexy.

Yeah, this is how you need
to handle business.

Let's raise a glass
to Kris [bleep] Jenner.

Kris mother[bleep] Jenner.

-[Kourtney] Whoo!
-Yeah, that's it, ladies.

If you guys will come dressed like this
every single time I have a meeting,

I promise you we will rule the world.

[Kourtney] You got it.

-[Scott] Hey.
-[Kim] Scott's here.

Oh, I had no idea.

-What the [bleep] is going on here?
-[Kris laughing]

This a joke?

[Kourtney] Just having a dinner.

-[laughs]
-[Scott] Is that a wig?

Please, darling, bore somebody else
with your questions.

What is the vibe here?

[Kris] Uh, it's called a martini vibe.

-What? What?
-[Kim] She's wasted.

You better not be driving home.

[Kris] I don't have to drive home, I'm me.

[chuckles]

It's really been fun,
but being somebody else is a lot of work.

And I might just retire the blonde wig.

Okay, we're done.

Oh, it's...

[laughs]

It's clipped in.

I got to go.

[upbeat music]

Okay, guys, so my dream tutorial of life
has always been

to give my grandma, MJ, a little makeover.

But what I'm gonna do is
I'm gonna give you that Kylie Jenner lip.

You have to have huge lips.

Don't your lips look amazing?

You did a good job, Kim.

As Khloé would say, DSLs.

Do you know what that means?

-Go "F" yourself, or something...
-Something like that. Yeah.

[phone ringing]

-I went to see Kylie's house yesterday.
-[Kim] Hello?

Oh, she got a phone call.

[Tracy] They just called me and they said,

"If you don't call us
within the next five minutes

and tell us that it's not true,
then we're running the story."

[tense music]

[Khloé] Tristan said,
"Just don't comment, regardless."

TMZ was texting us that they know
that Khloé is pregnant.

[Kim] And it's such a tricky thing
'cause people expect us

to share every last detail of our lives.

It's almost like
we're not entitled to privacy.

[Tracy] Should I try to call them
and say, "Listen, it's true,

but will you work with us

and wait till she's at least 12 weeks

to do the announcement?"

Just to buy a little bit of time.

I mean, I think you can't lie about it.

How far along are you?

[Khloé] Ten.

So it's, like, so stupid.

[Tracy] I guess in the grand scheme of it,

it's really if you guys had plans

to, sort of, do the announcement
on your own.

Well, he said he's gonna put it up.

So if he's gonna put it up
within five minutes of us not,

we might not have a choice.

I think it's just really unfortunate
for Khloé

'cause she's not past her first trimester

and she just, you know,
isn't ready to talk about it yet.

But at this point,
there's nothing we can really do.

It's gonna get published.

And it's just really unfortunate
that people are so nosy.

[tense music continues]

[Khloé] How's your surrogate doing?

[Kim] She's doing good.

We went to the doctor
on Saturday together,

and I brought Kanye.

-That's good.
-Yeah.

-How's the babe?
-Everything's going good.

-Cooking? Just cooking in there?
-Yeah.

Yeah, she's getting big.

Even though I will appreciate
not having to gain the weight

and lose the weight, I will say,

like, I still would have rather done it
on my own.

-Really? You hated your pregnancy.
-Yeah.

I just would rather feel connected.

Like, I just hope I care as much.

-I think you will. Yeah.
-You know what I mean? That's what, like...

Everyone says it's, like,
no different, you know?

[Khloé] You'll love her.

I appreciate you and Trace,
like, helping me.

I always was like, "God, why do people
withhold their pregnancies?

Why don't they just say something?"

Like, in my situation, I'm sure
in so many others, like, they are...

I don't know
if it's high-risk or whatever,

but there are just chances
that, you know, God forbid,

you don't make it past a certain point.

[pensive music]

I'm like,
"Oh, my God, just show some respect."

Obviously, when I'm ready,

when there's a healthy point
where I can say something, I will.

I can totally relate.
Like, we didn't tell anyone.

So for it to get out
that we hired a surrogate,

now they're all writing me.

And we didn't want anyone to know yet
until we got to a certain point.

Tristan only told
a very limited amount of people.

So you don't want everyone
to find out via the Internet.

You want to tell people yourself.

Just, like, people take
all of that away from you.

I've tried really hard
to keep my pregnancy safe,

I guess I would say, and a secret.

And somehow, some way,

TMZ published the article.

There's nothing I can do
about the article. It's out.

But I'm not gonna confirm it yet.

[Khloé] Because I'm still waiting
to be in a safe spot.

And that's my choice to do that.

That's my decision.

At least, I would think.

My first baby book.

Isn't that funny? I saw it and I was like,

"Oh, my God,
I have to get this for Khloé."

I really don't want
to have to deal with that...

belly button and umbilical cord thing.

It's, like, so nasty.

Like, I can't take it.

Listen, with all the stories
you and Kourtney have thrown my way,

-what can you do?
-Pray for the vest.

-Did you say the "vest"?
-I did, by accident.

Pray for the vest.

[upbeat music]

What the [bleep] is wrong with you?
Take the [bleep] photo!

[Kris] This is your lucky day
'cause I have a present for you.

Wait, this little frame is yours
from when you were a baby.

-Oh, so cute.
-Isn't it cute?

Do you just not really know whose it is

-but you're taking a guess?
-No, it's yours. I remember it's yours.

There's another one that was yours,
but it got so rusted.

And I'm giving you this
as your present for Friday.

What was Friday?

I feel like I'm over it.

You don't like it?

-Okay, never mind.
-What was Friday?

No, I'm just saying,
it's, like, your Friday gift.

Okay, she doesn't want my gift. It's fine.

[Kourtney]
I was just gonna ask you something.

Um, so, I was deciding about...

-freezing my eggs.
-Yeah.

'Cause I kind of had to...
wrap my head around it.

Well, it's definitely challenging,

but it's really, obviously,
worth it in the end.

But do I leave it in God's hands

and if it's meant to be,
just, like, do it then,

when... if I want to do that?

No. Because the younger you are
when you freeze your eggs,

the better the... your result is gonna be.

Mm-hmm.

If I were you, I would really
take advantage of the technology

and give yourself that insurance policy.

And then if you get pregnant
on your own, yay.

I mean, I had Kendall at 40.
And Kylie at 41.

But I was lucky.

You know, some women don't make,

you know, eggs that are viable
after they're 35.

-Yeah.
-So you're too close to 40

to not take advantage
of this window of opportunity.

Get these eggs warmed up

before, you know, it becomes dormant,
if you know what I mean.

Yeah, but I just don't think
I'm gonna do it right now.

[sighs]

[Kourtney] I just don't feel ready.

Like, I feel like there's a lot going on,
and I just don't feel like I'm ready to...

Like, my body's ready to go through that
right this minute.

And I think, in a few months,
I can think about it again.

[Kris] I just...
I feel like it's a huge mistake.

[light music]

-How are you? Good to see you!
-[Khloé] Nice to see you.

-You by yourself?
-Yes.

-[Dr. Aliabadi] How are you feeling? Good.
-[Khloé] Good.

So I'm gonna do
your genetic blood test today.

And I'll call you, hopefully,
by the end of this week...

-[Khloé] Okay.
-...and tell you what you're having.

Kylie was like,
"I want to be the first phone call."

And I was like, "Why?"

-Oh, for me to call her?
-Yeah.

Well, if you give me permission, I can.

I wanted just to know
why she wants to know so badly. So...

If I say girl, she'll call you and say,
"You're having a boy."

[both laughing]

-Probably. Probably.
-Let's see.

[Khloé] I don't know why I'm nervous.

[Dr. Aliabadi] Lots of pressure.

[tense music]

Lots of pressure.

[Khloé] I don't know why I'm nervous.

[Dr. Aliabadi] Lots of pressure.

Lots of pressure.

Hello, munchkin.

Look at this baby.

[heart b*ating over speaker]

Look at that.

[Khloé] Thank God its head is evening out.
[laughs]

Its head was so big at first.

-It was so weird.
-It's normal.

[Khloé] I know.

[Dr. Aliabadi]
Almost five centimeters. Perfect.

-Here you go.
-Tristan loves these things.

You can't even see what this looks like.

[Dr. Aliabadi] You can.
So, the head is right here.

-You see it?
-Mm-hmm.

[Dr. Aliabadi]
Look at that arm right next to the head.

-[Khloé] It's moving it?
-[Dr. Aliabadi] It's waving.

[Khloé] Oh, my God.

-[Dr. Aliabadi] Hi, baby!
-[Khloé chuckles]

-Cute.
-[Dr. Aliabadi] The cutest.

[Khloé]
At least we know it's not camera shy.

-[Dr. Aliabadi] Can't be.
-No.

-This baby's perfect. Measures perfectly.
-Thank God.

[Khloé] I am so relieved.

I am finally over my first trimester.
I'm on to my second.

It's so exciting,
so I'm kind of out of that danger zone.

I'm off of my progesterone.
I'm feeling really good.

You know, I was told
the pregnancy will fly by, so to enjoy it.

And it's... I mean, it's really flying by.

-All right. Anything else?
-No.

So vitamins. Continue exercising.

I'll call you, hopefully, on Friday
and tell you what you're having.

-Well, does he care? Does he...
-Yeah.

-He wants a boy?
-Yeah.

I just said, "Don't [bleep] put
that pressure on me. It is... You did...

-You pick the sex, so that's up to you."
-[Dr. Aliabadi] Exactly.

I was like,
"You're gonna love it no matter what.

Trust me,
everyone who has a girl is, like... melts."

He'll be fine.

[Dr. Aliabadi] I mean, ask your mom.

Yeah, no, it's fine.

-It will be all right.
-[Dr. Aliabadi] All right, very good.

[Kim] On the next episode...

-We're going to San Fran!
-San Francisco, here we come.

[Khloé] We've been waiting for you

-for 30 minutes.
-I was getting ready!

[Khloé] I don't want to go on trips
if this is how you are every [bleep] time.

[Kim] My surrogate is in town,

so I thought it would be an amazing time
for her to meet my family.

Guys?

[phone ringing]

[Khloé] I'm dying to know
the gender of my baby.

[Kylie] Okay, are you sitting?

Kylie, say it!