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05x01 - RuPaullywood or Bust

Posted: 04/28/24 22:08
by bunniefuu
- My next drag superstars

had one thing in common.

They were all busted...

And found guilty...

[gavel bangs]

Of being sickening...

Order in the courtroom,

hunties!

A new trial begins,

as 14 queens prove

they can dance...

[baby crying]

Act...

- Aah!

[laughter]

[laughter]

- Swim...

- Whoo!

- And sing.

- ♪ Can I get

a haaaaaaooow! ♪

- More celebrities...

- How do you tuck your junk?

- Aah!

- [laughs]

- I love this show!

- Criminal fashion...

- You look absolutely terrific.

Honestly.

- In a word, sensational.

And not a dry eye

in the house.

- I was left, nobody cared.

[cries]

- We get to choose our family,

you know?

We get to choose the people

that we're around,

you know what I'm saying?

The new season

of RuPaul's Drag Race

is in session.

And these queens...

- Look at this.

- Are k*ller.

[screams]

- Look how orange

you f*cking look, girl!

- I'm not joking, b*tch!

- Step the f*ck off!

- No, no, no, no!

- Aah!

[apocalyptic music]

- I can't wait to see

how this turns out.

- [gasps]

Holy shit, we're here.

My name is Detox,

and I am 27 years old.

I can do everything.

I act, I sing, I rap, I dance.

Let's send the rest

of these clowns home.

Where is everybody?

I've worked

with huge celebrities

like Rihanna, Kesha,

and I'm the queen bee,

so eat it up

and crown it.

You're all f*cking welcome.

- My name is Roxxxy Andrews,

and I'm 28 years old.

Mash!

Are you kidding?

[both screaming]

Me and Detox started drag

together,

and I'm just so excited

to see her.

You look gorge.

- You too.

- I am a pageant girl...

big hair, big makeup.

From head to toe,

it's a Roxxxy Andrews project.

It all begins.

- Hey, girls, hey!

- Hey!

- What's going on, pussycats?

- What's going on?

- I am Jade Jolie.

I am 25 years old.

Honey, I'm serving up fish.

Tuna on a platter.

You look gorge.

- Thank you, you too.

- Jade is bubbly.

She laughs a lot.

[giggling]

I just like to be fabulous

and fun.

[giggling]

- Well, you both are going home

really early,

just so you know.

- [laughing]

- My name is Serena ChaCha,

and I'm 21 years old.

This is the best

quinceanera present ever!

- It's your quinceanera?

- I come from an art school

environment,

and I'm interested

in fine art drag.

So this is...this is...

[overlapping chatter]

Automatically,

Detox and Roxxxy were...

[rapid gibberish]

- Whoo! Ow!

[laughing]

- It's a little off-putting,

rather annoying.

So much fun.

[cheering]

- Shut up!

- My name is Alyssa Edwards,

and I am 32 years of age.

I'm known as

the Vanessa Williams of drag,

because after winning the title

of Miss Gay America,

the crown was taken away

from me.

Girl, I am gagging.

I am here

to show people

I still got it.

I need to get up in this gear,

girl.

Let me get a look.

- [whooping]

[laughter]

- You know, I can hear the

cackling from down the street.

all: Hi!

- My name is Jinkx Monsoon.

I'm 24,

and I'm Seattle's

youngest MILF.

Hi!

- Swimsuit competition.

- I'm theatrically trained

in the Broadway

school of singing.

- Ooh!

- Okay, Detox,

with the feathers.

- I don't know

about that Jinkx yet.

She's a little kooky.

- Pfft!

- Hello, boys!

My name's Penny Tration,

and I am 39 years old.

I'm here because I was chosen

by thousands of people

in the online voting contest.

- You're the web vote?

- You guys should be happy

to know

that everybody actually

wanted me here.

[laughter]

I hope that me being voted on

the show by a lot of people

makes the other queens

really intimidated.

- Hey, y'all.

- Hello.

- Whoo!

- Ohh!

We got another one.

- My name is Vivienne Pinay.

I'm 26 years old.

- You're giving me

pinup Kat Von D doll.

- Thank you.

Vivienne is all about glamour.

My beauty is everything.

- Vivienne's cute,

but I'm cuter.

[laughs]

- Oh, my God.

- Who is it?

- [imitates horse whinny]

- Uh...

- Hi!

- Oh, shit.

- Wow.

- My name is Alaska,

and I'm 27 years old.

And I also have

a very famous boyfriend

whose name is Sharon Needles.

- Sharon's girlfriend.

Girl/boyfriends.

- Oh.

- In this competition, dating

the previous winner

is definitely uncharted

territory.

- This trash bag couture is

something else.

- Yes. It's a plastic

tablecloth.

- Alaska definitely has

big shoes to fill.

- Hey, sisters.

all: Whoa!

- My name is Honey Mahogany.

And I'm 28 years old.

How are you?

- Honey Mahogany

is like

a RuPaul Drag Race poster.

But not quite as polished.

♪ Sorry about it ♪

- I think I'm the first queen

from San Francisco, actually.

- Hello, hippie!

- People get down on

San Francisco

for being a bunch of hippies.

But there's so much beauty

there.

Have you seen Honey Mahogany?

[laughs]

- Uh-oh!

- Hey, hey, hey, ladies!

Aah!

Oh, my God!

My name is Ivy Winters.

I'm 25 years old.

- Your top is awesome.

- Thank you.

- It's so well-tailored.

- I make dresses

out of cassette tape,

paper cups, condoms.

I will figure out a way

to turn it into a costume.

And I used to work as a clown

for like eight years.

- Well, you still do.

[laughter]

- Hello, girls.

I'm Monica Beverly Hillz,

with a Z.

I'm 27.

Monica Beverly Hillz

is very good at giving face.

This might be the fishiest

season ever, darling.

- I know!

- I have been called

ghetto, banji, trashy.

I was raised in the ghetto.

You know, I'm street smart.

And there's nothing wrong

with that.

- Oh! Look at this!

- I'm Lineysha Sparx,

and I am 24 years old.

Lineysha is so fierce,

so flawless, so sparkling.

I'm very excited to be here

representing Puerto Rico, so...

Lineysha's in the house,

so watch out, b*tches.

- How many more girls?

This has to be it, right?

- This has to be it.

- Lucky 13.

- This is 13?

- Oh, boys!

The diva has arrived!

I'm Coco Montrese,

and I'm 37 years old.

[all screaming]

[dramatic chorus]

- And then walks in

Coco Montrese...

the face-crack of the century.

- Oh, my God!

Alyssa Edwards.

What the f*ck?

Oh, Alyssa Edwards...again.

- Here she goes.

- What's the story?

- Alyssa, you wanna tell

the story,

or you want me to tell

the story?

- There's no story.

- What's the story?

- We haven't spoke in two years.

The pageant tore our friendship

apart.

- We were close, and I feel like

I was bamboozled.

- Coco was the one

backstabbing me behind my back.

- Alyssa and I will have

our moment later together,

'cause we need a moment.

I don't think she wants to talk

about it...

but we're gonna talk about it.

If she doesn't go home first.

- "Game on, b*tch,"

the sequel.

[siren]

- Ooh, girl, you got shemail!

[cheering]

Welcome, my queens.

I told you California

was the place you oughta be.

So you tightened up your tuck

and you flew to Beverly...

Hills.

Adjacent, that is.

[laughter]

So whether you're

a fresh princess of Bel-Air,

a Malibu Barbie,

or just serving

Real Housewife realness,

to get your big break

in RuPaullywood, you need

to make an even bigger splash

and really shake things up.

Oh...oh, my goodness!

An earthquake!

Oh, my God! My hair!

Ooh!

I think it's the big one.

Ooh! Ooh, faster, faster!

Ooh!

Slower, slower, slower.

Oh!

Cut!

[sighs]

Remember, to snatch this crown,

you need to fake it

until you make it.

[cheering]

Hello, hello, hello.

[all screaming]

Welcome to RuPaul's Drag Race.

- Yes!

- Now, I chose each of you

because I see in you the raw

charisma, uniqueness, nerve,

and talent that it takes to go

all the way.

In addition to winning

the title

of America's next

drag superstar,

the champion

of RuPaul's Drag Race

will receive a lifetime supply

of Color Evolution cosmetics,

a one-of-a-kind trip

courtesy of ALandCHUCK.travel,

and headline Logo's

Outrageous Drag Race Tour,

featuring Absolut Vodka,

cocktails perfected.

And some cash money, honey.

[cheering]

Yes, child.

To the tune of $100,000.

[cheering, chatter]

- Well, I feel so excited.

It's 100,000 of dollars!

And I want to win that money.

- No more kiddin' around,

girls.

You're in the enter-taint-ment

capital of the world.

- Yes!

- And to make it in

RuPaullywood,

you've gotta dive

in the deep end.

Are you ready for your close-up?

Coming up...

[slow-motion scream]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hi, Jade.

- Hey, Ru.

It's time for our first

photo sh**t.

I am eager to see

what the challenge is,

and I am super-nervous.

- What do you think is going on

right now?

- Um...[giggling]

I'm not sure.

- Well, turn around.

- Oh! [laughs]

Oh, my gosh.

Talk about the elephant

in the room.

Didn't see that.

[laughing]

- Now, say hello to the amazing

Mike Ruiz.

Mike is here to sh**t

your Hollywood splash photo.

What we're looking for

is underwater serving glamour.

- Like, give us fish.

- [laughs] Awesome.

- Let's do it.

- Today we're doing an homage

to old Hollywood

that's kind of a tribute

to old Esther Williams films.

- Please note that there's

no pee in the water.

- [laughing]

- All right, hit it!

- Jade Jolie,

you're soaking in it.

- Try not to look like

you're holding your breath.

Jade would inhale

a bunch of air

and would hold it all

in her cheeks like a chipmunk.

That doesn't make for

a very pretty glamour shot.

She's giving me parrot fish.

- I was giving Helen Keller

drowning realness.

[laughs]

- Ooh! Wet and wild.

Roxxxy Andrews!

Hit it.

- Acrobatic, graceful,

gorgeous face, glamour.

- Ooh, she's rolling

in the deep!

- Do it.

- On the Roxxxy with a splash.

Detox!

- Give us everything

you've got.

Yes!

It's the bumble fish.

- Aquawomana!

Oh, gorgeous!

- Gorgeous.

- Detox fell off the wagon

and into the pool.

Serena ChaCha!

The time has come for you

to sink...for your life!

- For my life.

- Uno, dos, tres!

Oops. Uh-oh.

- Oh, dear.

I can see your seafood platter!

Your paella is showing!

- At least Serena

was wearing panties.

Okay.

- Okay, there's a pole.

- Hold on to the pole.

Lookit.

It looks like frog legs.

[RuPaul laughing]

- What the f*ck

was that about, guys?

- It's not

your quinceanera anymore, is it?

- Your quinceanera is ruined!

- By a pool.

- I'm not tucked.

- Oh, you didn't tuck?

- I'm not tucked at all,

so the dress is doing this

the whole time.

- Showing all your bubblegum

and everything.

- See, you thought you were

being cutesie

by being comfortable

with your non-tuck,

and they got you together.

I'm not a fan of girls

who don't tuck.

Look like a woman.

It's female impersonation

at the end of the day.

- Deeper!

Don't be so shallow, Alyssa.

Your legs look like calamari

when you do that.

- Okay.

- Dance underwater.

Is that dress wash and wear?

- Whew!

- Careful on these

wet, slippery surfaces.

Oh!

Queen down.

- At least I did it gracefully.

- Very.

- Jinkx Monsoon, welcome to

the drag lagoon!

- I don't know how to swim.

I learned how to swim

by one of my uncles

pushing me off a log

into a river.

First time under the water,

I lost both my contacts.

I was blinded within seconds.

- Okay, you look a little scared

underwater.

- A more pretty face.

- Okay, too much splashing.

Uh-oh.

You're splashing aroun...oops.

- [gasping]

- Are you okay?

- Just a little tang...

[spits] Tangled.

- I think we're gonna

have to call it a wrap.

- Jinkx, there's got to be

a morning after.

Deeper, Penny Tration.

Girl, you're gonna put

Shelley Winters out of work.

- [laughs]

- Oh, wait a minute.

- And go.

- Yes, yes, yes!

Poseidon Adventure, darling.

- Hit it!

- Serving "Wettie" Page.

- Yes!

- Touch all of the skin.

The filet of Vivienne Pinay.

Oh, Alaska's underwater.

Damn you, global warming!

- Oh!

- Okay. Yeah, your head's not

going very deep.

- And keep your hair

out of your face.

- I can't get deep enough.

I don't know how to do it.

- Alaska...she got really

frustrated, and it showed.

Push yourself down.

Go!

No.

Nope...on your face.

- Oh!

- All right, all right.

- I can't do it.

I failed.

- We will offer you one more dip

if you wanna take it.

- I'm sorry.

That was terrible!

[laughter]

I can't believe that.

I'm in shock.

I did so bad!

I don't know how to swim.

- Oh, get that.

- I've completely blown it.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

- It's Honey Mahogany!

Honey, I sunk the kids.

Ooh! That was pretty.

Ivy Winters!

Throwing caution to the wind.

Fishy when wet.

Monica Beverly Hillz.

- Push your dress down

when you get underwater.

- You look like a jellyfish.

In the future, you should

hand-wash your woolens.

Oh...yes!

- All right!

Lineysha's body language

was so incredibly graceful

and dancerly;

it was amazing.

- Sparkle, Lineysha, sparkle!

Sorry to say, that satin will

never be the same.

Work!

Coco Montrese!

Chicken of the sea!

Serving "Tuna" Turner.

- Relax your face.

- Yes, mama.

Instant Coco...just add water.

- Okay, y'all, somebody forgot

to tell them...

- [laughs]

- That black people don't swim.

[laughter]

Thank God I'm Dominican.

- Oh.

- Y'all look cute.

- Seeing everybody de-dragging

for the very first time

is always exciting.

Detox...immediately, I'm like,

"Work done!"

- [smacking]

- Lineysha

is the Puerto Rican papi.

Oh, my gosh.

- Jinkx out of drag, uh...

Why does she have

an eye patch?

What is going on?

Oh, my God!

- I saw you sleeping earlier.

I was like, "Maybe she's just

really tired."

- I have narcolepsy.

So if I don't like stay active,

I start to slunk,

and then it's a whole big mess.

- Wait, Miss Thing.

So you fall asleep

out of nowhere?

- It's not how they do it

in the movies.

You know, like,

you can feel it coming on,

and if you're lucky, you make

your way to a sofa and...

[laughs]

- Jinkx is a special person.

- I am Seattle's premier

Jewish narcoleptic drag queen.

Thank you.

I'm not gonna make an excuse

for it.

I wear my narcolepsy

as a badge of pride.

It's something I've had to...

[snoring]

- [clears throat]

- Yes!

[all cheering]

- Thank you, Mr. Handsome.

- I know what I wanna drink.

- Hello, hello, hello!

[all cheering]

Um...who are you guys?

[laughter]

Now, Mike and I have reviewed

your photos,

and some of you were in

over your heads.

- Yes!

- But some of you took to it

like a fish to water.

- Fish!

- The one queen that surfaced

as the clear winner is...

Detox.

[all cheering]

- I was floored.

I may sit around and Kiki

with everybody,

but at the end of the day,

I'm here for one reason,

and that's to win.

- Detox, I love your photo

so much,

I'm tweeting it right now.

#RuPaullywood.

- Yeah, that's right!

- Ladies, take a moment

to unwind.

Because tomorrow,

your RuPaullywood adventure

continues with a Beverly Hills

shopping spree.

- Oh!

[cheering]

- I'm thrilled at the aspect

of going on a shopping spree.

- Let's go.

- Adios!

all: Bye!

- But I'm pretty sure

it's not gonna be

the shopping spree

that we imagine.

- Coming up...

- What's going on?

- Oh!

- Oh, my God!

- And where is my damn

shopping spree?

[all shouting]

- Wait!

- Mommy!

- [laughing]

[laughing]

- So today RuPaul

is sending us

on a exclusive tour

of RuPaullywood,

which culminates in a special

Beverly Hills shopping spree.

[horn honks]

- ♪ Stone cold city ♪

♪ Took a bite out of me ♪

♪ Love of my life ♪

♪ Said he had to leave ♪

♪ Said I love you ♪

♪ But I hate it ♪

♪ It's not for me ♪

♪ I'd rather take my chances ♪

♪ Back in Tennessee ♪

- Wait!

- ♪ Hollywood, USA ♪

♪ Hollywood, USA ♪

- I'm getting my life

on this bus.

Celebrities waving back.

Oh, my gosh, it's like a dream

come true.

- ♪ Going to be a star ♪

♪ Workin' in a bar ♪

♪ Change your name ♪

♪ To play the game ♪

♪ It all remains the same ♪

♪ Sing your song ♪

♪ You got the part ♪

♪ Don't forget your heart ♪

♪ You'll need it ♪

♪ When you reach the top ♪

♪ And you're alone in ♪

♪ Hollywood, Hollywood ♪

♪ Hollywood ♪

♪ I lost my love ♪

♪ In Hollywood ♪

♪ Hollywood ♪

♪ I lost my love ♪

♪ Hollywood ♪

[all gasping and cheering]

- Hello, ladies.

Hi!

- Who comes out the door

but Camille Grammer

from The Real Housewives.

Are you kidding me?

- Welcome to Beverly Hills.

[all cheering]

We've been expecting you.

But you can't come in here.

- Oh...

- RuPaul is waiting for you

at the VIP entrance...

that way.

- Oh!

- Over there?

- Wait. What?

- Ciao, darlings.

Mwah!

- We love you, Camille!

- [mouthing]

Call me.

- Whoo!

- So we walk around the store

to meet RuPaul.

We're looking,

and we see a gate.

- Oh!

What is this?

- We see dumpsters

and an alien from outer space.

What's going on?

And where's my damn

shopping spree?

- Girl...

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- Well, hey, pretty womens.

[laughing, chatter]

Welcome to the slums

of Beverly Hills.

- Hey!

- Now, I promised you

a shopping spree, but, girl,

Beverly Hills boutiques

can be so darn...

♪ Pricey ♪

But I know where you can get

a real bargain!

These dumpsters are overflowing

with some of the most exclusive

garbage in the 90210.

For your first main challenge,

you need to create

an award-winning look

that screams "Hollywood

red carpet couture," darling.

You'll have just one minute

to dumpster dive.

And, ladies...

all sales are final.

[chuckles]

- Oh, my God.

We're dumpster diving

for materials.

Great, it's a challenge.

- Gentlemen,

start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

[rock music]

[all exclaiming, yelling]

- I'm trying to get

everything I can.

Girls pushing and prodding

and jumping on top of my head.

Ow!

That's my leg.

This is crazy, honey.

- Out of my way! Oh!

- The girl next to me

throws the lid up...

[slow-motion voices]

I won't make it out of this

competition alive.

[laughs]

- Oh! My garbage!

[overlapping chatter]

- I can't get out of here!

- Ay, damn!

Penny Tration smacked my face,

honey.

My moneymaker!

I was pissed.

Don't knock me over.

- Don't knock you over?

This pushy little queen

over here getting on my nerves!

I am not afraid

to shove my way

through the little girls...

Mommy!

And get what I need to get.

- I am gagged,

and not in the good way.

- I got a steal!

- Five-finger discount.

Mm-hmm.

- Ooh!

- All right.

Let's get to work.

- Shopping spree,

shopping spree.

No credit card involved.

We entered back

into the workroom,

and it was time to get to work.

- Whoo, girl!

- Fabulous.

- What are you wearing, Roxxxy?

- This is my makeup dress.

- Why?

- Because I take my makeup off

in it.

Oh, y'all can't take me?

Oh, y'all cannot take

my fishy daytime dress.

- Miss Alaska,

put some clothes on, please.

- First one naked!

- Tucka-tucka-tucka-tucka!

- Look at this.

- The reason she walked in

the room with a horse face...

was 'cause she is a horse.

- Talk about letting it all

hang out, darling.

- b*tch, I live for this.

- Oh, my God,

how did you get that?

- ♪ Welcome to the ♪

♪ Jungle ♪

- What is that?

- Miss Thang!

- You found that?

- She hit the jackpot!

We got the winner.

- I am happy with what I got

from the dumpster.

I found fabulous

red sequined fabric.

- Ooh, girl,

you got paillettes!

- Mister sisters over here.

- Mister sister?

- Mister sisters.

- Mister sisters?

- Mister sisters.

- It's so funny.

As soon as she pulled out

all them red paillettes,

you are now her best friend.

She's trying to take

Miss Thing's fabric.

She can't be bothered

right now.

- She got Miss Thing

to cut it up.

- What are they talking about

over there?

- Jade, be careful, girl.

- Be careful with her.

- Why you say be careful

to me, Miss Coco?

- Just be careful.

That's all I'm saying.

- Here she comes.

- Miss Jade.

Find out who your real friends

are,

and you stick by

your real friends.

- Girl, you're my real friend,

b*tch.

- I'm not saying Alyssa's not.

- You can meet your friends'

longevity, right?

'Cause we've been in

competition.

- We have been in a lot of

competitions.

- And at the end of the day,

it's like you really, truly find

who your friends are

in the end.

- Yeah. That's true.

- That's what it's about.

- So we'll talk about it later,

Alyssa.

- We don't got nothing

to talk about.

- We do have...we have a lot to

talk about.

You say you'll find out later

who your friends are.

So you and I will sit down

and talk about that.

- I wanna know what the f*ck

happened.

- When are you gonna tell me?

- Not gonna answer that.

When I'm ready.

- I'm definitely feeling

the pressure because

I floundered

in the dunk t*nk.

So hopefully, I can redeem

myself.

- Alaska's a one-trick pony

at this point,

because yet again,

she's making another dress

out of plastic bags.

- Saran Wrap?

It's red carpet, honey.

This might get you

on the bottom two.

Good luck.

- Coming up...

- I just wanted to keep it

kinda classy.

- Yeah.

There's a lot of influences

there.

- This is my plastic

evening gown.

I just see it in my brain.

- Okay.

- I hope it's couture

enough.

- [laughing]

- I need like wire cutters.

This week's main challenge

is making dumpster

red carpet couture.

- Where's some pins,

straight pins?

- I don't know.

- The workroom's really tense

at the moment,

'cause everyone's designing

their first runway look.

And it's important to make

a first impression.

- Everyone's all quiet.

That means you guys are

stressed.

- Being an artist,

I feel like the best thing

to do is just, you know,

concentrate on your concept,

chew as much as you can chew,

and you hope that whatever

you spit out comes out right.

- Serena's going very slow.

She's doing this and that,

but there's just kind of

no product being made.

And time's ticking down.

- Hello, hello, hello!

all: Hi!

- Now, is this the real

drag queens of Beverly Hills?

all: Yes!

- Yes, ma'am.

- Well, hello, Coco Montrese.

- Hi, Ru.

- Now, this outfit...

- I want to give

Debbie Reynolds...

Marilyn Monroe

meets Madonna.

I just wanted to keep it

kind of classy.

- Yeah.

Well, there's a lot of

influences there.

- I don't wanna play it safe.

One way or another,

I need to stand out.

So take it or leave it,

this is me tomorrow,

and I'm gonna turn it.

- I know that you have a history

with Alyssa.

Has it gotten in the way so far

in the competition?

- It...kinda threw me.

This Alyssa situation

is a distraction for me

right now.

And I need to put it aside

and focus on

what Coco's gonna present.

- All right, Coco.

- Thank you.

- You're taking a risk,

and I love it, so go for it.

- Thanks, Ru.

- Serena ChaCha.

- Hi, Ru.

- How long have you been

doing drag?

- For three years.

Just turned 21,

just graduated art school.

I do performance art.

- Performance art.

- Yeah.

- Now, do you sew?

- Yes, but there is

a new art movement

called soft sculpture.

It's more about creating

a sculpture

rather than just tailoring.

- Well, that sounds great

on paper,

but what does it look like?

- It looks like this.

- That scares me.

- I'm trying to do detail

first,

just like when you paint.

- There's not a lot of time

here, you know.

- A little scared about that.

- And there's not a lot of dress

over here either.

- No, it's still really abstract

right now,

but I know it's gonna

come together.

- Serena said she went

to art school.

She might want her money back.

- I'm just surprised that

you're so calm and collected,

you know?

There's a lot of experienced

queens here

who are a little further along

in their execution

of their couture outfit.

- All I have to do is come up

with a whole

performative aspect for my

dress, and I'm totally calm.

I know this is gonna work out.

I totally do.

- Well, listen, I know you got

a lot of work to do here.

I can tell.

- I do.

- So get back to it.

- Okay, I will.

Thank you, Ru, I appreciate it.

- All right.

Roxxxy Andrews!

- RuPaul!

- Look at you, girl!

- Girl, I'm rushing.

- Do you sew?

- I do sew.

You know, losing weight

when I was a kid,

you know, I had to take

a lot of my clothes in

'cause we didn't have

a lot of money.

- Now, have you recently lost

a lot of weight?

- I did lose.

I've lost like 70 pounds.

- 70 pounds?

- 70 pounds.

- And how has that affected

the way you dress

and the way you feel?

- Well, girl, now I show

a little more body

than I used to be able to.

I used to be in eight corsets,

ten girdles and not being able

to breathe.

I used to be a big-ger girl.

But I still consider myself

a girl

who's got a little meat

on her bones.

And whether you're juicy, fat,

whatever,

embrace what you got

and work with it.

- You're not a big girl.

You're a thick girl.

- I'm a thick...I'm juicy.

- Oh, okay!

All right, I'm down with that.

- Right?

- Listen, I'm gonna let you get

back to work here.

- Thank you, Ru.

- Thank you.

Penny Tration!

- RuPaul!

- Hi!

You are our fan favorite.

The fans chose you.

- I know.

Which is amazing to me.

I now have a true respect

for politicians.

All the begging and the pleading

and the votes.

- So tell me what you're doing.

The silhouette has sort of

a drop waist.

- Yes, what I have

is this crazy torso,

so what I try and do

is elongate it a bit,

bring it down to my knees,

and then...

- You bring your torso down

to your knees?

- Well, ish.

Make the length come down here.

- Uh-huh.

Well, you know, you were very

enterprising

in your campaigning

to get here,

so you've gotta be able

to translate that

into your couture outfit.

- Yes.

I am going for

a look that is more classic.

Penny Tration is not Lady Gaga

and nor does she wanna be.

- Bring it, mama.

- I'll do my best.

- All right.

- Thanks, Ru.

- Get to work.

The 49th state!

Alaska.

- Hi.

- You're finally here.

- I know, yay!

- How many times have you

auditioned for this show?

- Um, every time that

you're allowed to

and sometimes when you're not

even accepting applications.

- Well, you've worked so hard

to get here for so many years,

and then I was a little bit

surprised that, in the t*nk,

you sort of kind of gave up.

I just want to encourage you

to just go for it

every single time.

Now, tell me, what are you

working on?

- This is my plastic

evening gown.

- Uh-huh.

- I didn't wanna shy away

from making it look

like it came out

of a dumpster.

- Well, the challenge

is to turn trash into flash.

- Ru is looking at this

a little funny,

and I know I'm taking a risk.

I hope it's couture

enough.

I just see it in my brain.

- Yeah. Okay.

I'm gonna let you

get back to work.

- Thank you.

- All right.

All right, ladies, gather round.

Now, tomorrow, for your

RuPaullywood premiere,

our extra-special guest judges

will be my old friend

Mike Ruiz...

- Yes!

- And from The Real Housewives

of Beverly Hills,

your new BFF, Camille Grammer.

[cheering]

And you only get one chance

to make a first impression.

So don't f*ck it up.

Coming up...

- Little bitty Serena...

she's f*cking irritating

the shit out of me.

- I have a feeling you just

like to be the only pretty one.

- You're so immature, it's just

really aggravating.

- [laughing]

- Oh!

- Here we go.

Let's get to work, ladies.

- Today is our first

elimination.

Somebody's going home.

Somebody's lip syncing

for their life,

and it's kinda scary.

- That's a lot of unique pieces

of couture clothing.

- I'm finna' get

all nasty rich!

You think Michelle

would like that?

Just pearls hanging off

her boobs, baby.

- Very you.

Very you.

- She likes to come over

and try to throw me off.

She used to do that when

we were in competition.

- Don't worry.

She thinks that

she is very fashion,

but she dresses like a Dracula.

- How are you feeling?

- I am, you know,

back and forth

between nervous and excited.

- I'm not nervous at all.

I don't know if I should feel

bad for it

or if I should feel nervous

about not being nervous.

- I always go by,

if you're not nervous,

then there's something wrong.

- Time to put on Little House

on the Prairie.

Category is "daytime realness."

- I see your

Laura Ingalls Wilder,

and I give you Africa.

- She's Africa, all right.

She's a muumuu.

[laughter]

- Look, guys, it's a picture

of me and Noodles!

- Aw, Noodles.

- I miss her so much.

- Um, Alaska, who's the top,

and who's the bottom?

- Is it competitive

with you guys being together?

Are you guys competitive

against each other?

- Are you guys jealous

of each other?

- Were you bitter last year?

- Go on, don't lie.

You can tell the truth.

- We have so many questions.

- I would have been.

- Is it difficult?

- I mean, we...we have fights,

'cause it's two giant egos

in one tiny house, so...

- And isn't Sharon the superstar

of the relationship now?

- We had some difficult times

last year.

It was very hard.

- Like when she was gone

or like before she even left?

- Before she left, while she

was gone, after she got back.

We fought viciously

about her getting on

Drag Race and me not.

I felt pain and rejection like

I've never felt in my life.

But as soon as that promo aired

for last year, like showing who

the cast was,

I just burst into tears...

- Aw!

- And I was like,

"I'm so proud of her."

- That's so sweet.

- Yeah, that's really classy.

- I had to choose:

Am I gonna be bitter

or become her biggest fan?

And I made the right choice.

- That's classy.

- But at the same time,

you're an artist,

so that must have been

difficult.

[dramatic note]

- Yeah.

I feel the pressure,

seeing as Sharon just won

this competition.

It's a huge insecurity of mine.

[sighs]

If I was the first to go home,

I would be absolutely

just devastated.

I would feel like I'd

let my family down

and let myself down.

[upbeat music]

- [off-key]

♪ Oh ah ah ♪

- Okay.

- ♪ Ah ♪

- All right.

- ♪ Ah ♪

- That was just right next

to my ear.

- That one's gonna bug me...

that little one.

She's already starting to bug.

Little bitty Serena...

she's kinda irritating,

and by "kinda,"

I mean she's f*cking irritating

the shit out of me...

on a constant.

- I was born and raised

in the republic of Panama.

- Where is Panama?

- It's in between Colombia

and Costa Rica.

It's one of the number one

retirement homes for Americans.

You should consider

going there.

- Not if they're all like you.

all: Ooh!

- Yeah, 'cause your mouth

doesn't shut.

- Oh, okay.

- It wears thin very quickly.

- You know, I have a feeling

you just like to be

the only pretty one.

- I just think you're annoying.

- I can handle annoying.

- I can't.

Serena tries to read b*tches

like she can.

She is loud,

she won't shut her mouth,

and I have had it with her.

- There's funny, and there's

just like blunt rudeness.

- Can you not take it?

Is that why?

- Oh, honey, I can take it.

You're just, like, so immature,

it's just really aggravating.

- I'm sorry.

You're only 21 once,

and you only audition

for this thing once being 21

and get in right away once.

- And then you think

because you're younger,

you think that's an advantage,

when we've all done drag

longer, so...

- Does it bother you

I keep saying I'm 21?

- Well, no, not at all, I mean,

because honestly,

I look just as young as you,

but you just...

- Are you sure about that?

- Ooh!

- Easy!

- Girl, you ain't that pretty.

Cover girl,

don't cover boy, baby.

- Go home, Jade.

Go home.

Just go home.

Well, girls, we will see.

- We shall see.

- [laughing]

Welcome to the main stage

of RuPaul's Drag Race.

From Jersey to L.A.,

it's my bi-coastal buddy

Michelle Visage.

- Can you believe

it's season five?

- Wow!

- Gorgeous.

- And my favorite leading man,

Santino Rice.

- You've come a long way, baby.

- Welcome, darling.

And fab photographer Mike Ruiz.

- What's up?

- And the very glamorous

Camille Grammer is here!

- Hello, Ru.

- Now, I hear they're letting

drag queens shop

in Beverly Hills.

- Oh, Ru, we've been doing that

for years.

[laughter]

- This week, it's a classic tale

of drags to riches

as we challenged our queens

to turn Beverly Hills trash

into Tinseltown class.

Now they're ready to make

their RuPaullywood

red carpet debut.

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

- Coming up...

- The shape is all wrong

for you.

You're gonna get lost in it.

- It was makeup for me.

It was just awful.

- Make a silhouette

and perfect it.

- Hello.

- Is that too much to ask?

- [laughing]

- Commence shake...down.

First up, the queen on

everyone's lips...

Roxxxy Andrews.

Foxy Roxxxy.

- Ooh,

and the hips don't lie.

- Aww...

- I'm walking down the runway,

giving them a little bit of hip

and body...bam!

This is exactly what I would

wear to an awards show.

- All that ass.

- Like to spend a night

in the Roxxxy.

- She has a huge opening...

weekend.

And her box office

ain't bad either.

[laughter]

Jinkx Monsoon.

- I'm ready for my close-up,

Mr. Demille.

- I'm serving 100% aquamarine

Grecian red carpet couture.

I am in heaven right now.

- I dream of Jinkx.

- Loofah, my ass!

[laughter]

Detox on the red carpet.

Oh, it's severe up in here.

- Well, now we know where

last season's backdrop went.

- Yes!

- I'm serving

Jem and the Holograms,

acid punk,

going to the Met gala,

and I feel really sexy

and gorgeous.

- Just another day in Hollywood.

She's detoxing from crack,

by the way.

[laughter]

Ivy Winters!

The ladyboy in red.

- I feel really amazing

because I know that

the garment

is completely hand-stitched,

and it's Hollywood

red carpet couture.

- Isn't she giving Jean Kasem

and...

- And Janice Dickinson.

- Janice Dickinson.

- Yes.

- Let's have lunch at the Ivy.

For your consideration,

Honey Mahogany.

- LaBeija.

- I'm serving Iman,

and I'm stomping my heart out

down the runway.

- The men love me,

the women love me.

[laughter]

- You can catch more flies with

Honey Mahogany.

Jade Jolie.

- I can see her

peacock-cock-cock.

- [imitates NBC chimes]

[laughter]

- I'm serving the judges up

red sequins in your face.

[giggles]

I am a million bucks,

and nothing can bring me down

right now.

- Here's lookin' at you, kid.

Alyssa Edwards.

Wow.

- She's all about the drama.

- It's very drama-filled.

- The bird flew the coop

on this one.

- Yes.

- I'm serving dark and twisted

Alyssa Edwards realness.

My blood is flowing

and my heart is pumping,

and my mind is in it

to win it.

- Somebody took the Black Swan

and mated with the matador.

- And now we've got bird flu.

- Yes.

Penny Tration.

- [laughs]

Yes, please.

- Penny for your thoughts.

- I'm walking slow and letting

them take

all the Penny Tration in.

And I make sure

they can get to see

the backside of Penny Tration.

- You better sissy that walk,

girl.

- All right!

- You better sissy that walk.

- Hey!

- I wonder if she has a twin.

She'd be double Penny Tration.

[laughter]

- Coco Montrese.

- Action!

- She is ready for her close-up.

- Somebody blow into those

bullhorns.

- I know.

- I'm booking it down

the runway,

giving it to you.

I am serving you

old Hollywood.

White woman fish, baby!

- Now, she's a drag queen,

but she really wants to direct.

- Don't we all?

You, on top.

- Vivienne Pinay.

- Oh!

- Oooh!

- Cache spokeswoman.

- Uh-huh.

- I'm giving face,

and I'm giving body.

Hands down, I am the fishiest

b*tch in this competition.

- Very J.Lo.

- Mwah!

Box office gold.

She's ready

for the casting couch.

The 49th state...Alaska.

all: Oh!

- That's gorgeous.

- Is that a Birkin bag

or a Glad bag?

[laughter]

- So that dress is made of

plastic,

but I am treating it

like the most expensive

couture gown ever.

And I just wiggle my way down

the runway as best I can.

- She must have

a really big dog.

[laughter]

Alaska.

Oh, dear, I can see Russia

from here.

- Is that Sarah Palin

in that dress?

- It's Saran Palin.

[laughter]

Lineysha Sparx.

- Ooh, glamour.

- Balenciaga!

- Yes.

- She's really working it.

- That's how she walks

to the grocery store.

What are you talking about?

- My dress is full extravaganza,

and my design is flawless.

- And she's got a shoe

on her head.

- Oh, yeah!

- She has a foot up

on the others.

- She does, she's pumped up

the volume,

I'll tell you that.

She's got Lisa Vanderpump

on her mind.

[laughter]

Monica Beverly Hillz.

- Ooh! Look at those legs.

Legs forever!

- I'm feeling extra,

extra fishy.

My legs are bronzed

for the gods,

and I'm just eating it all up.

- She is serving Lady Miss Kier

in the face...you see that?

- Yes, she is, meets Lil Kim.

- Lady Miss Kim.

Serena ChaCha!

- Hey!

- From Panama!

- Panama City, Florida?

- Panama City, Florida...

- Via the Suez Canal.

- Yes.

[laughter]

- Serena ChaCha

is a drag scholar.

I feel avant-garde, couture,

editorial, like some sort of

surreal painting.

I'm giving them something

different.

- It's like Shakira meets...

- Pinocchio?

- Who you calling a lederhosen?

[laughter]

- Cha cha cha!

Welcome, ladies.

Based on your Hollywood splash

photo session

and your red carpet

couture presentation,

I've made some decisions.

When I call your name, please

step forward.

Jinkx Monsoon.

Detox.

Honey Mahogany.

Monica Beverly Hillz.

Vivienne Pinay.

Alyssa Edwards.

Coco Montrese.

To be America's next

drag superstar,

you need to snatch

the world's attention

at every turn.

And unfortunately tonight...

you are...

the S word.

Safe.

- I didn't come to this

competition just to be safe.

I am here to show people

I still got it.

- Anyone who says it's an honor

just to be nominated...

is one lying b*tch.

You may leave the stage.

Oh, ladies...

one more thing.

Don't call us.

We'll call you.

That's all.

Coming up...

- I'm wanting to like pull

things off of you

just so I can see more

of who's underneath there.

- What's exposed just looks

like boy.

It was all a mess.

- The time has come...

for you to lip sync...

for your life.

[laughing]

Ladies, you represent the best

and the worst of the week.

It's time for the judges'

critiques.

First up, Roxxxy Andrews.

- Out of all the dresses,

this is the one

that I would be wearing.

Absolutely gorgeous.

- Everything you've done

was just perfect to your curves,

and you revealed enough skin

to keep it classy.

Look at that!

- You just wanna show your ass.

- [laughs]

- I don't know

if you guys noticed,

but when I showed you my shoes,

they're RuPaul shoes.

- I noticed.

- And I found them

in the dumpster.

- What?

- What?

- Who would throw those away?

- I don't know.

- Thank you, Roxxxy.

Next up, Ivy Winters!

- Ivy.

Ooh!

- This dress is absolutely

gorgeous.

You sewed this whole thing?

- I did. I hand-stitched it

completely.

- I was looking at you

and I'm like,

where's the trash?

You kinda have to bring in

some kind of

unconventional material

into this challenge.

- Thank you, Ivy Winters.

Next up, Jade Jolie.

- Hey, Ru, hey!

- You have the sweetest,

softest voice.

- [deep voice] You've never

said that to me, Mike.

[laughter]

- I'm wanting to like pull

things off of you

just so I can see more

of who's underneath there.

There's too many details all

crying out for my attention.

- This is very much my

personality,

kinda like taste

the crazy rainbow kinda girl.

- What does the rainbow

taste like?

- Butterflies and unicorns?

- Yeah. Lisa Frank,

all that good stuff.

- Oh, I love it!

You are just a cute little

thing, aren't you?

- You're a cute little thing.

- I could eat you up

in one bite. Argg!

- All right, thank you, Jade.

Next up, Penny Tration.

What do you got to say for

yourself?

- I'm so glad to be here.

There's a lot to see.

Take a look.

- I think with the dress,

it starts to fall apart

after the bust line.

The left and the right look like

different shapes.

- I just think if you took this

front slit

and made it into a side slit,

I think it would have

been just more flattering.

- One thing I notice is,

your shading is very dark.

Black, dare I say.

- The black on the side looks

like a sideburn almost.

- Next up, Alaska.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Now, did you have any difficulty

putting this outfit together?

- Getting it on my body.

I don't have a zipper.

You can't really sew into

plastic.

- You know, the thing is,

you can take something

that costs nothing

and turn it into something

that looks like

a million dollars.

And you did it tonight.

- Thank you.

- Why no earrings?

- I lost them in the dumpster.

[laughter]

- I like the way you have

accessorized it.

I don't think you need

anything more,

'cause you've got

a lot of shimmer going on

because of the plastic

Saran Wrap.

- Thank you.

- Next up, Lineysha Sparx.

- Puerto Rico in the house.

- Que bella.

This is really elegant.

What is that?

- It's wallpaper, actually.

- Is it really?

- Yes.

- It's brilliant.

- I mean, really impressed

because that is not an easy

thing to work with.

And you made it look

really couture.

- I love the shoe as well

in your hair.

- Yes.

- Repurposed.

- That's really using

your head.

[laughter]

- I love the way you've created

this piece.

- This is because if I need to

do the lip synch,

I can do it like this.

[singing gibberish]

[laughter]

- Thank you, Lineysha.

Serena ChaCha.

- Hola.

- I had a little bit

of an issue

with what you're wearing;

I'm not gonna lie.

The shape is all wrong for you.

You're gonna get lost in it.

And then what's exposed

just looks like boy.

- It looks like you've done

your makeup

in a lighter shade

than your body.

And it almost looks like

if you pulled the head

off of one doll

and put it onto the body of,

like, a G.I. Joe figure.

And this collar really adds this

big weight

around your neck that separates

your head from your body.

- Can I see it without

the neck thing?

- It looks so much prettier.

- I wanna say that I'm open for

all the criticism.

And I'm making sure to put it

toward the next challenge,

whatever that may be.

- All right.

Well, thank you.

Well, ladies, I think we've

heard enough.

While you enjoy

an Absolut cocktail

in the Interior Illusions

lounge,

the judges and I

will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

All right, kids.

Just between us "goils"...

let's start with Roxxxy Andrews.

- Roxxxy had a very convincing

couture red carpet look

and a great blend of fabrics

and unconventional materials.

- She combined goth with glam.

And I thought she looked great.

- Completely thought-out.

Like she knows what her shape

is all about.

- I do have a con

with Roxxxy Andrews.

I wanted to see more ass.

- [laughs]

- Ivy Winters.

- I mean, the dress

was beautiful.

But I really couldn't stop

looking at her hair

because I just didn't like it,

'cause this gown was

so "elegwent"...

"eloguent."

- You real "eloguent."

- That's my new word.

- You speak "eloguent."

- "Eloguent."

- Talk about couture.

I mean, she hand-stitched

that dress.

- As beautiful as the dress was,

where's the trash?

I didn't get that same kind of

feeling that I get

when I look at Alaska

or Lineysha.

- Lineysha's "eloguent."

- [laughs]

All right, let's move on to

Jade Jolie.

My goodness, Jade Jolie.

She had a lot on.

- I can't really tell where

her taste level is because...

- I think you can.

I think you can.

- She has a very fantastical

sort of outlook on life

about rainbows and unicorns

and all.

But I just don't think

it was very well ex*cuted.

- Let's talk about

Penny Tration.

- She came out

with a great attitude.

I get the whole Mae West kinda,

"Come up and see me sometime"

thing going on.

But then you kinda scroll down

a little bit.

- The padding was asymmetrical.

It looked like she had

a tilted pelvis.

Somebody call the osteopath

or something.

- [laughs]

- Make a silhouette

and perfect it.

- Hello.

- Is that too much to ask?

- It is not.

You could be a big girl,

make those proportions

work for you

and actually look couture,

and she didn't.

- Yeah, but it was the makeup

for me.

It was just awful.

- That was probably

the best part, Camille.

[laughter]

- All right, let's head on

to the 49th state,

Alaska.

- I wasn't really expecting much

from Alaska

based on her performance

in the photo sh**t.

But a little Saran Wrap

went a long way tonight.

The only thing is, it should've

had a little slit

'cause she had some difficulty

walking in it.

- My one thing was,

I would've loved to have seen

sparkly earrings up on that.

- Well, Michelle,

Alaska's not from New Jersey.

- [laughs]

- All right, let's move on

to Lineysha Sparx.

- What a gorgeous face

on this one.

- Yes.

- The gown was absolutely

gorgeous.

And when we found out that

it was wallpaper,

I was even more impressed.

- And to put a shoe, a pump,

in her hair,

I thought that was really fun

and whimsical.

- You're right.

And it could've very easily been

a disaster.

- But all in all, she's what

we call a TP.

- A total package,

that's right.

Let's talk ChaCha,

as in Serena ChaCha.

- Oh, God.

She literally

was drag Pinocchio.

It was lederhosen.

It was really like I was waiting

for yodeling.

It was all just a mess.

- She was showing so much of

this kind of, like,

oiled up chest.

- And it was like a little boy

with a costume on.

- I think that

she has to start thinking

about her tiny, little body

and the way she's gonna

execute her fashions.

- Well, she ex*cuted this

fashion.

[laughter]

- She sure did.

- Silence!

I've made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

[laughing]

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Ivy Winters, your red gown

looked like it was ripped from

the pages of Vogue.

You're safe.

Alaska,

you had this challenge

in the bag.

You're safe.

- Thank you.

- Roxxxy Andrews,

you dove deep

into the dumpsters

of Beverly Hills

and made rubbish

look ravishing.

Condragulations.

You're the winner

of this challenge.

[applause]

You receive a custom gown

by Marco Marco,

plus immunity from elimination

next week.

- Are you kidding me right now?

I'm on cloud nine.

Suck that...aah!

Thank you

for believing in me.

- You may join the other girls.

Lineysha Sparx,

you lit up the runway

in classic Hollywood glamour.

You're safe.

- I thought that

I was gonna win.

But whatever.

- Serena ChaCha,

on the runway

you moved like Jagger,

but your red carpet look

was "coutorture."

I'm sorry, my dear, but you are

up for elimination.

- Oh, crap.

You really messed up.

I do not wanna be the first

person sent home.

This cannot f*cking happen

at this point.

- Penny Tration, we love your

dangerous curves.

But your red carpet couture

veered off in the wrong

direction.

Jade Jolie, you didn't wear

your dress.

It wore you.

But still, your personality

shined through.

Jade Jolie...

you're safe.

- [exhales]

Thank you guys so much.

- Wait.

Hold up, mama.

May I give you a word of advice?

- Yes.

- Edit.

- Edit?

- That's right.

- Thank you so much.

- Penny Tration, I'm sorry,

my dear, but you are up

for elimination.

- [deep breath]

I'm disappointed

because there are

a lot of people who really

wanted me to be here.

And I'm letting them down.

- Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance

to impress me

and save yourself

from elimination.

The time has come for you to

lip sync for your life.

- This is my last chance

for the world to see

why I deserve to be here.

You better work.

Like, you better work.

That's it.

- Good luck.

And don't f*ck it up.

- ♪ I hopped off the plane ♪

♪ At L.A.X. with a dream

and my cardigan ♪

♪ Welcome to the land

of fame excess ♪

♪ Whoa,

am I gonna fit in? ♪

- I absolutely have never

performed

Party in the USA.

And I'm really just focusing on

doing the best job I can

with what I've got.

- ♪ Everybody seems so famous ♪

- The stakes are really high

right now.

Like this is

the real, real race.

And all I can think of

is deliver.

- ♪ Taxi man ♪

♪ Turned on the radio ♪

♪ And the Jay-Z song was on ♪

♪ And the Jay-Z song

was on ♪

♪ And the

Jay-X song was on ♪

♪ So I put my hands up ♪

- Serena is turning the party,

girl.

And then, ooh!

She drops into a split.

Now, I know this is

every girl's old faithful,

but she did it the right way.

- ♪ Got my hands up ♪

♪ They're playing my song ♪

♪ I know I'm gonna be okay ♪

- I'm looking at Penny

and I'm wondering,

"Why does she keep

turning around?"

- She didn't know the words.

You know, that's an old-school

drag queen trick.

When you don't know the words,

turn around,

do something

to distract them.

- ♪ Put my hands up ♪

♪ They're playing my song ♪

♪ The butterflies fly away ♪

♪ I'm noddin' my head ♪

♪ Like "yeah" ♪

♪ Moving my hips

like "yeah" ♪

- I'm thinking Penny Tration

is going to turn it out.

I was wrong.

[chuckles]

- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's a party in the USA ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Ladies, I've made

my decision.

Serena ChaCha...

Shantay, you stay.

You may join the other girls.

- [crying]

- Penny Tration, even though

this isn't

the Hollywood ending

you dreamed of,

never, ever stop

reaching for the stars.

- Don't worry about that.

- Now, sashay away.

- Thank you all.

[applause]

Given the circumstances,

I don't have any regrets.

I don't think there's much else

I would've done differently.

And I'm not sure

that there's much else

I would be able to show them.

And my family's

already proud of me,

regardless

of what happens here.

- My lucky, lucky 13,

condragulations.

Now remember,

if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna love

somebody else?

Can I get a "amen" up in here?

all: Amen!

- All right,

now let the music play.