04x04 - Queens Behind Bars
Posted: 04/28/24 15:04
- Previously on
RuPaul's Drag Race....
music makes the people
come together.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.
- Milan kept talking over
other people.
- '80s, it's about...
[laughs]
- It's getting real damn old.
- Just put some white powder
on your face and look gothic.
That's all we need you to do.
Sharon, she has
one good character,
so she might as well
use it.
- Did you work well
with Phi Phi?
- She definitely didn't bring
a strong leadership role.
- Sharon Needles...
condragulations.
- Yes!
- You're the winner
of this challenge.
Dida Ritz, shante, you stay.
- Thank you.
- The Princess, sashay away.
And tonight...
Ladies, you are all
under arrest.
The dolls do hard time.
- Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison
for Ladies.
- And tempers flare.
- Tired-ass showgirl.
- At least I am a showgirl,
bitch!
- With extra-special
guest judges Nicole Sullivan
and Will & Grace co-creator
Max Mutchnick.
[cheering]
The winner of
RuPaul's Drag Race
will receive a lifetime supply
of Nyx Cosmetics,
a one-of-a-kind trip courtesy
of alandchuck.travel,
headline Logo's Drag Race tour,
featuring Absolut Vodka...
cocktails perfected...
and a cash prize of $100,000.
And may the best woman win.
- ♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪
♪ Gentlemen ♪
♪ Start your engines ♪
♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪
♪ May the best woman win ♪
♪ Ru-Ru-RuPaul Drag Race ♪
♪ Gentlemen ♪
♪ Start your engines ♪
♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪
♪ May the best woman ♪
♪ Best woman win ♪
[tires squealing]
- Whee!
- Open space.
- Category is...
- Cheesecake!
- I'm sorry, but The Princess
is in another castle.
- "This is the beginning,
the only beginning."
- Dida, I think you should do
the honors,
since you beat her.
- You gave me everything
I needed, honey.
- I'm not gonna lie.
A lot of it came from anger
towards the judges.
I feel like the judges don't
really know me.
I just have to show them
what the entertainer in me
is like.
Next challenge,
I have a lot to prove.
- We have a three-way mirror,
and I just recommend
everybody do a turn
before you step out
on the runway,
because the lumps and bumps
and the bra strap.
- The thing is that I
usually don't pad.
- Somebody needs to teach
a course at the learning annex.
[laughter]
All right?
- Sharon Needles,
how does it feel
to have two wins under
your belt?
- I'm proud of myself.
I showed up here,
thinking I would probably be
the first girl home.
I was prepared to, like,
embarrass my entire drag family.
I can't believe how well
I'm doing here.
I'm getting kind of
used to winning.
Any time I've ever attempted
to run in a pageant,
I'm always last.
And for any one of those
"high class,"
you know, gown and crown
pageant queens
that ever gave me
a raised eyebrow,
who's laughing now?
Ha!
- I figured Sharon would win
this challenge
because I picked a character
for her
that she can excel in.
- Girl, shut up
before I smack you.
[siren]
- Ooh, girl!
You've got shemail.
Friends, you stand
on the shoulder pads
of a long line
of designing women,
golden girls who have
traveled down the road
and back again.
So whether you're looking
for Mr. Big
or just working
for Mr. Jefferson,
America's next drag superstar
needs the will and grace
to do whatever it takes to be
absolutely fabulous.
Now, kiss my grits.
[giggles]
[laughter]
Hello, hello, hello.
- Hi.
- Ladies, you are all
under arrest.
- What are you talking about,
girl?
- For today's mini challenge,
you'll be posing
for a memorable mug shot.
[laughter]
Now, you'll be working
in pairs,
so pick your favorite partner
in crime.
- I looked down the line
and I see one person
just looking, and I'm like...
[sighs]
You're with me, I guess.
What did I do
that was unchristian
that I have Madame
as my default partner?
- Oh, and one little detail.
Instead of doing
your own makeup,
you'll be responsible for
painting your partner's face.
- Oh, God!
- Oh!
- This couldn't possibly get
any worse.
- Oh, and one more thing.
You'll be handcuffed
to each other.
- [gasps]
- What?
[laughter]
- I have been to prison.
I don't plan on going in
no more handcuffs.
- Oh!
- Oh, I like this now.
- Book 'em, boys.
- Not too tight, officer.
- Now, you perps will have
to prep for your close-ups
before the photographer
from Polite and Public arrive.
On your mark, get set, paint.
- Let's go.
- Ooh!
- Ooh.
- Being handcuffed
and having to paint each other,
it's hard.
- [laughs]
- This is sick.
- I know, I need to get
something out of my bag.
I have a great idea
for a mug shot.
Madame's just like,
"Okay, I have ideas too,"
and I'm like,
"Well, we'll use mine."
Put this blue paint
on your face.
Take it and, like,
splotch it on me.
- Okay.
- Willam and Madame,
they both look like
they swallowed the smurfs.
[laughter]
- Willam and Madame LaQueer,
our first pair
of lady criminals.
Wow.
- We robbed a bank.
- Oh, that's the blue stuff.
- It's a dye pack.
- Of course, the dye pack.
- One, two, three...
violate the penal code.
Book her on the cover of Vogue.
Madame LaQueer is busting out
all over.
Toss that salad, girl.
Honey, you got me
scared straight.
Chad Michaels, Sharon Needles.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh!
Oh, dear!
You might need a breathalyzer,
honey.
- It's not my first time
at the rodeo.
- Deliverance!
Serving time!
Attica!
Excuse my beauty.
I was framed!
May I call you
Missy Misdemeanor?
- Yes.
- Don't drop the soap!
Serving time!
Salvation!
Child, you are serving some
Raggedy Ann realness.
It must be 5:00 somewhere,
because you got the shadow,
girl.
- [coughs]
[laughs]
- Acquittal!
Bad boys!
- What you gonna do?
- That's right, honey.
- Busted!
All right, girl.
If the wig don't fit,
you can't acquit.
All right,
that's a wrap...
sheet.
The verdict is in.
One pair is guilty of being
sickening in the first degree.
The winners of today's
mini challenge are...
Willam and Madame LaQueer.
- [laughs]
- Whoo!
[applause and laughter]
- Condragulations, girls.
Hollywood is a tough town.
One day, you're a big star,
and the next day,
you can't get arrested.
Today, you get to be both.
For this week's main challenge,
you'll be starring in the new
TV sitcom, Hot in Tuckahoe.
- A sitcom challenge
is my day job.
Come on.
I was like, sitcoms?
Oh, check.
- It's about four best
squirrel friends
who keep getting arrested
and sent to jail.
- [laughs]
- This acting challenge is
really exciting for me
because I have
a degree in acting.
This is my moment.
- You'll be competing
in two groups.
Willam, Madame LaQueer,
since you won
the mini challenge,
you'll be team captains.
- Finally, I'm not gonna get
picked last.
- Now, to choose your cast,
you'll be drawing names
from this iron fist shoe box,
which normally holds shoes
designed by yours truly.
Madame LaQueer, you go first.
- Dida Ritz.
- Cheesecake, yeah.
- Jiggly.
- Sharon Needles.
- Latrice.
- ♪ Ooh hoo ♪
- Kenya Michaels.
- Phi Phi.
- Milan.
- Milan goes to Madame LaQueer,
which of course means
that Chad Michaels
goes to Willam's team.
Willam, Madame LaQueer,
you are in charge
of assigning the parts.
I'll leave you
to learn your lines.
Gentlemen, start your engines,
and may the best woman win.
- All right, you'll be Karen,
I'll be Charlotte, uh,
you'll be Julia, and...
Kenya is performing Marge,
the guard
because it's just so funny
to see such a butch so small.
- Oh, my God,
Kenya's so fishy,
I don't even think she know how
to be butch.
- Okay, we gotta do
a quick read.
- Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison,
pretty ladies.
Says here you were arrested for
soliciting a "meenor."
- Minor.
- Minor, a minor.
- [clears throat]
- When you're in
a group challenge,
everyone's work reflects on you.
Go over this word with me
a couple times.
Tuckahoe.
- Tuckahoe, tuckahoe.
- Slower, tuck-a-hoe.
- Tuckahoe, okay.
- Soliciting.
- Soliciting a "meenor".
- A minor.
- Minor, minor, okay.
- Are you gonna let her
take over this?
Are you gonna let her direct?
- Girl, are you gonna keep
telling me
what I am going to do
with my group?
If she wants it her own way,
then she can win
a mini challenge
and then direct the group.
- I have to wear the tights
with this?
- Our main challenge today
is acting in a sitcom
called Hot in Tuckahoe.
He said, "Screw it."
I thought I just did!
- [laughs]
- For me, it's a day job.
I'm cool.
- Welcome to Tuckahoe
Prison for Ladies.
As soon as I saw that there was
a prison guard,
I knew that's
the role for me.
Well, hello, gorgeous.
I'll let you hide in my hedges
any day.
- I beg your pardon,
but I'm not into horticulture.
What the f*ck Is
horticulture?
- It's the study of plants.
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
I don't know what that means.
That's an S.A.T. Word.
- I'm not into horticulture.
That's the words
you're punching.
"I'm," 'cause that's you.
- But I'm not into
horticulture.
- I'm not into horticulture.
What are the most important
words in that sentence?
- I beg your pardon?
- No, no, no, you did it great.
- Leh-leh-leh-lah.
- I've been on sitcoms,
and I know about comedy.
Take your note and move on.
I beg your pardon?
- Just copy that.
Copy exactly how she said it.
- Exactly how they said it.
- I beg your pardon?
- But I'm not
into horticulture.
- But I'm not
into horticulture.
- Maybe I'll give Rose, like,
a Audrey from
Little Shop of Horrors voice.
This challenge is comedic
and character-driven.
I'm just starting to think
every challenge
is my kind of challenge.
- I thought you said it was
a Justin Beaver...f*ck.
- Oh, my God.
Hell no.
- The other group,
it's weird.
Sharon is talking like
she has something
stuck in her throat.
And it's like,
country bumpkin cartoon.
- It's a little tighter
than I expected.
- An oversized beaver
rubbing up against her kid?
I wonder why she got upset?
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are we talking about beavers?
Uh...oh!
- Are you doing an accent?
- Yes, I've got
a British accent.
- It's a little distracting.
Like, I think it might be a
little distracting to the text,
but that's your choice.
- I'm an actor, and I know
how to portray a character,
and that's actually my strength.
I asked the young man
next to me for his napkin
to wipe my friend's
sticky beaver.
- Oh, my God.
That's gonna be stupid.
[laughs]
- Hello, hello, hello!
- Hi, how are you?
- I smell Emmy.
[laughter]
- Whoo, that's correct, mama.
- Hey, kids.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Team Willam, you have a lot
of TV experience, don't you?
- Yeah, if you name a cop show
in the past ten years,
I've probably been on it.
- And what role
are you playing?
- Karen.
- Oh, is that the slutty one?
- She's man crazy.
[laughter]
- And why'd you choose that
for yourself?
- I'm very Samantha,
and I was on Sex and the City
with Samantha,
so that kind of works.
- Really?
- That's what you gotta do.
That's what you gotta do, honey.
- Latrice, you are playing...
- Large Marge.
- The prison guard.
Now, are you drawing this
from personal experience?
- The tables are turned, baby.
[laughter]
- And Jiggly,
what role are you playing?
- I get to play Charlotte.
- Is that the prissy one?
- The prissy one.
- Now, that...I would never
cast you as the prissy one.
- She said it.
I asked,
"Who do you identify with?"
- I mean, like,
I have my moments,
so, you know, there's things
that I'm just like, eww.
- Okay.
I want to hear how Jiggly
gets prissy.
- I beg your pardon?
But I'm not into horticulture.
- Jiggly, I think you could use
a little bit more work
of identifying
who your character is.
She's not really angry.
She's more prissy.
You got to commit to it;
you got to nail it.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- All right, kids,
get back to work.
I can't wait to see it.
It's very funny already.
- Thanks, Ru.
- All right, good.
Team Madame LaQueer.
- Hi, Ru.
- Madame, are you
a good director?
- I wrote and direct
a play myself twice.
- Oh, boy.
Milan, you're an actor.
How is Madame LaQueer
as a director?
- Um, I think she's a little
laid back.
She could be
a little bit more directorial
with her approach
but, uh, we seem to be doing
a great job.
- Okay, all right, all right.
Sharon Needles,
what role are you playing?
- Rose the idiot.
- Oh, my goodness.
And Madame LaQueer.
- Charlotte.
- Madame LaQueer prissy?
That's gonna be quite
a stretch for you, isn't it?
Wow.
Kenya, what role
are you playing?
- Marge.
- You're the butch
prison guard?
- [laughs]
Yeah.
- That's an interesting choice.
Who made that choice?
- I did.
- You made that choice.
- Yes.
I assigned the roles.
- Okay.
All right, all right.
I'm gonna let you kids
get back to it.
Remember that comedy
is precision.
Find the cohesive rhythm
together.
I'm sure you're gonna
work it out.
- Right.
- All right.
Gather 'round, ladykins.
Later, on the set of
your sitcom,
we'll be joined by our
extra special guest judge,
the Emmy-award-winning
co-creator of Will & Grace,
Max Mutchnick.
- Oh!
- Cool.
[applause]
- Awesome.
- Max Mutchnick,
he's a star-maker.
- Break a leg and...
don't f*ck It up.
All right, see you later.
- Bye, Ru.
- Bye, Ru.
- I couldn't be more thrilled
that Max Mutchnick is here,
because I've auditioned
for him before,
and I haven't gotten the job,
so I'd like a second chance.
- Jail scene, take one.
- Action.
- Ladies, no one needs to
go to jail for liking nuts.
Why, I have a huge sack.
- Oh, me first, gimme.
- Ooh, I like 'em honey-coated.
- Oh, I like mine raw.
- Wait a second,
are we still talking
about peanuts?
- Cut.
Jiggly, wait a second.
- Wait a second.
Are we still talking
about peanuts?
- Wait a second, period.
Are we still talking
about peanuts?
There's a period there.
- Wait a second.
Are we still talking
about peanuts?
Eww!
- You know, it...yeah.
Let's just keep going.
Action.
- Rose, what in the world are
you doing in that crazy get-up?
When the security guards
were chasing me,
the only thing I could find
to hide in
was this Mr. Happy uniform.
- Well, that's you in
a nutshell, Rose.
- [laughs]
- And cut.
- Chad, you're a pro.
You've obviously been doing it
for 3,000 years.
- [laughs]
- It's really working for me,
okay?
- Thank you.
- Ooh, me first, gimme.
- William.
- Willam.
- Willam, thank you.
- It's spelled right
on my headshot.
It's in there, so it's just
on the way out.
- So, "William," it's just,
make sure you get all the words
in there and...
- Why don't you correct Ru
when he says "William"?
- He's got a $100,000 check.
- [laughs]
- Oh, that's right, okay.
You make a good point.
- Yes.
- Ooh, I like 'em honey-coated.
- Oh, I like mine raw.
- Get those nuts
away from my face.
- Latrice, have a good time.
- Okay.
- "Get those nuts away
from my face,"
and then give...
look at the camera.
There you go.
- [laughs]
- I mean, you give us...
I mean, honey,
you could do that
for a half an hour,
and they would laugh.
- Well, I'm gonna let you have
it now.
Okay.
- There you go.
[laughter]
Action.
- Get those nuts
away from my face.
- [laughs]
- I was really tapping into
some serious acting skills there
because Marge
doesn't like nuts...
but Latrice does.
[laughs]
- That's a series.
Latrice in Get Those Nuts Away
From My Face, this fall.
- [laughs]
- Our main challenge today
is to act in a sitcom
called Hot in Tuckahoe.
- Action.
- Of all the stupid things.
Rose, why did you show up
at the Justin Bieber concert
in this ridiculous costume?
- Justin bie...oh.
I thought you said we were going
to a just...
f*ck.
- You can't do that on TV.
- No, I know.
I'm really good with dialogue.
It's just a real tongue-twister.
- All right, so you want to
just pick it up from...
- Okay, we'll pick it up again,
and we'll have no problems
this time.
- Rose, why did you show up
at a Justin Bieber concert
in this ridiculous costume?
- Oh, I thought you said
we were going to a dress
in beaver cos...gone...
God, that's a f*cking hard line.
- No F words.
And can we just make sure
that when you do that line...
- Well, it's a hard line.
I'm saying "dressed in beaver."
- Sharon keeps talking back.
- It's kind of
a hard thing to hear.
- I was like, girl, you need to
calm yourself down real quick.
- Please don't make me go
through that line again.
- Action.
- When was the last time
you washed this thing?
I mean, I nearly gagged
at the stench.
- Mmm, I kind of like
the smell.
Remind me
of high school gym class.
- Cut.
You were doing a one-woman
show out there.
You just seemed like
a crazy person
that's talking to yourself.
- Okay, okay.
- I nearly gagged on that...
on that stench.
- Ooh, I kind of
like the smell.
- Cut.
Kenya, you like
the smell of the beaver,
so don't hold your nose.
You love the beaver.
- I wonder why
she got so upset?
- It was just
a big old country boy.
I mean, that young man
looked pretty mature enough
to handle a beaver on his own.
- Milan, it's "mama's boy,"
not "country boy."
- I wonder why
she got so upset?
- He was just
a big old country boy.
- Cut.
- Sorry.
I mean, that young man looked
pretty mature enough
to handle a beaver
on his own.
- Um, Milan, Milan,
you're kind of
playing to stuff out here.
Be in the scene
with these people.
Look at the person
that you're talking to.
- It is extremely intimidating
to have the creator
of Will & Grace critique you.
I thought this evening
was kind of thrilling.
Me and this oversized beaver.
- Milan's not exciting enough.
I didn't want to see
more of her.
I didn't really care.
- Action.
- And then his mother told me
to get my tail out of his face,
and then she really
let me have it.
- Gee, a sloppy, oversized
beaver rubbing against her kid.
I wonder why she got so upset?
- Cut, print, Emmy.
You know how to do a sitcom.
It's what you dream of,
when you're writing
this kind of stuff,
that you come across an actress
who just takes the stuff,
takes it to a better place,
and it's really wonderful
to watch.
- Thank you.
I feel, like, tears almost
coming
'cause I'm doing exactly
what I prayed for,
just to redeem myself.
- Action.
- That was so mortifying.
I "actudentially" spilled a...
ah-la-la-la.
I "actudentially" spilled
a virgin Mary on Rose,
so I asked the, uh, oh!
- Cut.
It's a bloody mary,
not a virgin mary.
- Okay.
- And I asked this young man
next to me for a...
Oh.
I'm gonna go again, sorry.
- LaQueer,
it's really important
that you listen to the director,
okay?
When you make a mistake,
and you're in front of
a live audience,
you got to keep going.
You keep stopping as if
you're allowed to stop.
There is no stopping.
- So I asked the young man next
to me for a napkin
so I can wipe my friend's
hairy beav...
- Ooh.
Ouch.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We are talking about beavers
or...ew!
- Can you do the "ew"
as Lucille Ball, though?
Ewwwwww!
Do it like that.
- Ewwwwww!
- Ewwwwwwww!
- Ewwwww!
- Ewwwwwww!
- Ewwwww!
- Ewwwwwwww!
- Ewwwwww!
- That is a wrap.
Nice work, ladies.
Tomorrow, you'll sitcoms will
premiered on the main stage,
where we will be joined by
one of my favorite funny ladies.
Mad TV alum Nicole Sullivan.
- Oh, I love her.
[applause]
- Oh, my God, I'm so happy
Nicole Sullivan's
gonna be a judge.
I can't wait.
All right, ladies.
We will see you tomorrow.
All right, here we go.
all: Bye.
[alarm beeps]
- "Mornking."
- All right.
- All right, time to work.
- Hello, boo-boo.
- So were you guys
sweating it up
in that jail cell yesterday?
Any flashbacks in there?
- I tell you this,
it was nice to be
on the other side of it
for a change,
you know what I mean?
Being in prison gave me
that opportunity
to, like, think about
what my dreams were.
And you know what?
Your choices are to accept it
and move on,
or to beat yourself
up over it.
Everybody makes mistakes,
but, bitch, you better look
sickening when you get up.
Sickening,
and make them eat it.
- Latrice,
can you take us to church?
- ♪ Whoa, Jesus is a biscuit ♪
♪ He gonna sop you up ♪
♪ Ah, Jesus is a biscuit ♪
♪ He better sop you up ♪
[laughter]
- We all need a blessing at
this point.
Lord knows I do.
[laughter]
- ♪ Breaking out the Westwood ♪
- All right, this is gonna be
good enough.
It's not a pageant.
- It's a pageant for my life.
Every day I'm up for it,
I think "pageant."
- What I said about Phi Phi
on the runway last week
makes me feel bad.
- Did you work well with
Phi Phi?
- She definitely didn't bring
a strong leadership role.
Basically what she said is,
"You're spooky,
dress like a monster."
- Come talk to me for a minute.
- What's up?
- Well, I don't know if
any of the other girls
have said anything about it,
but I'd rather have you hear
it from me now
before it turns into
much bigger than it was,
but in the last runway, um,
I was pretty sure I was
in the bottom two.
- Uh-huh.
- So I brought you up,
and I just wanted to
let you know.
- What do you mean,
brought me up?
Brought me up, how?
- Well, basically,
what I said was,
I felt that you kind of
pushed me into, you know,
just doing my spooky look
and that it was irresponsible,
and I thought
it was kind of sloppy, just to...
- Because I told you to do
something that you're good at?
- Well, I wanted RuPaul to know
that if she wanted to say
that I just kept turning out
the same look,
it was because you just wanted
us to be what we always are.
- You're an adult.
You could have came up to me
and said, "You know what?
I don't want to do this."
- I was being realistic.
- Realistic is bullshit,
because I picked out a character
for you
to sit there and do,
and you did it great.
You obviously won
the g*dd*mn challenge.
- Because...because...
- Because of me.
Because I told you
to go in your closet
and dig out
that g*dd*mn gothic look.
So congratulations,
you're welcome,
because I was the one
that sat there
and picked that out for you.
- Okay, well,
if you think that I won
because of you,
you...you are wrong.
- Then what...
what do you want to do?
- It's my talent
that gets me to win.
- Sharon, you know what?
You are not even
on the same level as me,
so get the f*ck out of my face.
- That's right, because you...
- Get the f*ck
out of my face.
Go back and do your only
one look that you got!
- Oh, I have one look?
Tired-ass showgirl.
f*ck You.
- Tired-ass showgirl?
At least I am a showgirl, bitch!
Go back to Party City
where you belong!
- I'm the f*cking
future of drag.
You look f*cking 20 years ago.
- Oh, girl, please.
- I tried to talk to you
like a sister
and I tried to talk to you
like a grownup.
- We aren't sisters, though,
so I don't ever want you
talking to me.
- Whoa, time to go.
- To sit there
and tarnish my reputation
just because she felt insecure
is bullshit.
Bitch, don't come for me.
- Future of drag.
f*cking tired-ass lame shit.
Future, the future.
- ♪ Jesus is a visqueen ♪
[laughter]
[laughter]
[RuPaul's Cover Girl]
- ♪ Cover girl ♪
♪ Put the bass in your walk ♪
♪ Head to toe ♪
♪ Let your whole body talk ♪
And what?
Welcome to the main stage of
RuPaul's Drag Race.
Hey, it's that girl,
Michelle Visage.
- You spin me right round,
baby.
- [laughs]
Hey, Billy B., what's happening?
- You look sickening.
- Thank you, darling.
Max Mutchnick, how are you,
darling?
- Thrilled, and you get points
for just getting the name right.
- [laughs]
And Nicole Sullivan.
I'm so glad you're here.
Now, what would the Vancome
Lady say about my makeup?
- Looks like Little Orphan
Annie sat in the sun too long
and then got a boob job.
- [laughs]
Now, this week,
the queens were challenged
to play classic
sitcom character types,
and tonight,
they're all dolled up
for their television premiere.
Gentlemen, start your engines,
and may the best woman win.
- Up first, Phi Phi O'Hara.
She's so vaginal in white.
- If I'm gonna go
to red carpet,
I want a gorgeous gown
that everybody's gonna be, like,
"Ooh, that's Phi Phi."
- I see her halo.
- And that dress has wings.
Latrice Royale.
I see the Beverly Hills, Billy.
- [laughs]
- I'm blinging;
I'm feeling beautiful.
This is the sheer elegant side
of Latrice.
- I think Latrice has a
Cable Ace Award up her sleeve.
- Or she's just happy
to see you.
- Uh-huh.
Dida Ritz.
Wow, she's on fire.
- I'm all about showing body
and leg.
I am working it.
- She's walking like
she has somewhere to go.
She's got a meeting
in the ladies room.
- Madame LaQueer as Folk.
- [laughs]
- I'm going for something
I would actually wear
to a event premiere.
- Lainie Kazan's sexy sister.
- Kirstie Alley
better watch out.
Willam, serving
a little Taylor Swift.
- I chose some
Vivienne Westwood
because the only thing that
matters on the red carpet is,
who are you wearing?
- I love it accidentally
fell off the shoulder.
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
- "Did my boob fall out?"
- Standards and practices
will hear about this.
Lil' Kenya Michaels.
- Work, Lil' Kenya Braxton.
- Yes.
- I feel amazing.
I'm a model.
This is my moment.
- A pineapple smoothie.
- Delicious.
Chad Michaels.
- Ooh!
- Very Florence
and the Machine.
- The dog days are over.
- I'm wearing a tribute
to the Tudors,
the Renaissance,
and I just felt really gorgeous.
- Take it all in, darling.
Up next, Jiggly Caliente.
- This is Brooklyn prom,
b*tches.
- The girls that are edgy,
young Hollywood,
they don't wear
evening gowns all the time.
This gal looked pretty.
- It's always jiggly
in Philadelphia.
- [laughs]
- London, Paris, Milan.
All righty, man.
She's playing her gold card.
- It feels like I've been
poured in gold,
and if there was
a female version of the Oscar,
it would be me.
- She's just a bond girl.
- Octopussy.
- Sharon Needles.
- ♪ Here's to the ladies ♪
♪ Who lunch ♪
- I kind of wanted to ham it up
and dress like an old lady.
- And she's so generous
with her fans,
signing autographs.
- I think Carol Burnett
found her diva.
[laughter]
- I'm so glad we had
this time together.
Welcome back, bosom buddies.
Let's tune in to
an all- new episode
of Hot in Tuckahoe,
the one with the beaver,
starring team Madame LaQueer.
- ♪ They did their time ♪
♪ And they're out on parole ♪
♪ Now they're the ♪
♪ Hottest thing in tuckahoe ♪
- Of all the stupid things.
Rose, why did you show up
at the Justin Bieber concert
in this
ridiculous costume?
- Justin bie...oh!
I thought you said we were going
to a "dress in beaver" concert.
[canned laughter]
- When was the last time you
washed this thing?
I mean, I nearly gagged
at the stench.
- Mmm, I kind of
like the smell.
It remind me of
high school gym class.
Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison.
Pretty lady, so I hear you
were arrested
for soliciting a minor.
- That was so mortifying.
I accidentally spilled
my Bloody Mary on Rose,
so I asked for a young man
for his napkin
for me to wipe
my friend's sticky beaver.
- Did somebody say "beaver"?
[canned cheering]
- Finally, a big, strong man
who could get us all off.
[canned oohs]
- Now, let's all
put our heads together
and get this thing licked.
[canned cheering]
- Well, it's not gonna
lick itself.
- And my beaver is dirty.
[canned laughter]
- Are we talking about beavers
or...
[horror movie music]
♪ ♪
Ewwwwwwwww!
[canned applause]
- [laughs]
- I think we did
a pretty good job.
We delivered.
- Team Willam, it's time for
another episode of
Hot in Tuckahoe.
You know, the one with the nuts.
- ♪ They did their time ♪
♪ And they're out on parole ♪
♪ Now they're the ♪
♪ Hottest thing in tuckahoe ♪
- Of all the dumb ideas, Rose,
what made you think that
we could break into a nut farm
in the middle of the night?
- Well, Julia,
I was having such a bad day,
and the only thing
I could think of
to make me feel better
was a big mouthful
of Mr. Happy's tasty nuts.
- Welcome to
Tuckahoe Prison for Ladies.
Says here you were caught hiding
in the hedges.
Mmm, well, hello, gorgeous.
I'd like to let you hide
in my hedges any day.
- I beg your pardon,
but I am not into horticulture.
[canned laughter]
- Hey, guard, you seem like
a gal that loves nuts.
- Back off, chickapee.
I'm allergic to nuts.
Tried 'em once,
almost gagged to death.
- Did someone say "nuts"?
[canned cheering]
- Finally, a big, strong man
who can get us all off.
- No one needs to go to jail
for liking nuts.
Why, I have a huge sack...
[canned oohs]
Right here.
- Oh, me first, gimme.
- Hey, get those nuts away
from my face.
[canned laughter]
[canned cheers and applause]
- Wait a second.
Are we still talking about
peanuts or...
Ew!
[canned laughter]
[canned cheers and applause]
[theme music]
[laughter]
- Ladies, the ratings are in,
and one team was, in a word,
dy-no-mite.
- [laughs]
- The winning team is...
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Team Willam.
- Ah!
[applause]
- Condragulations.
But one queen in particular
was serving must-see TV.
The winner of this week's
main challenge is...
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Latrice Royale.
- Oh!
[applause]
- Condragulations.
You will receive a cruise,
courtesy of alandchuck.travel.
- Thank you so much.
I'm finally in the game.
I can get a little bit
of recognition
for what I've been doing.
That makes me feel incredible.
- Team Willam,
you are all safe.
You may leave the stage.
- Let's go.
- Bye.
- Team Madame LaQueer,
you've got some 'splainin'
to do.
First up, little Kenya Michaels.
Now, Kenya, you were playing
Marge, the butch guard.
Was that your interpretation
of butch?
- I was trying to be a Butch.
I tried to look like a man,
but...
- [laughs]
- There was nothing butch
about you.
- Runway was great.
You looked beautiful.
- So pretty, easy-going,
and I "lurv" the dress.
- Thank you, Kenya.
Next up, Milan.
Now, you're a trained actor,
aren't you?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Tonight, you are like
a stunning black Emmy award.
As for your performance,
I think you got lost,
and I think you were acting
all by yourself.
- You needed to
take it further.
It's always better to be told
to take it down
than it is to pump it up.
- Thank you, Milan.
Madame LaQueer.
Now, tell me about watching
yourself in the sitcom.
- I think I lost my accent.
- What accent
were you going for?
Can you give me an example?
- Of course.
I was going for this accent
because I am an uptight
and prissy woman.
- Hmm.
- Ah.
- You were working on an accent
that I don't think
worked for you.
I think that you were stretching
maybe a little bit too far.
- Thank you.
Next up, Dida Ritz.
- I think you could be sexier
and prettier,
and I think it's the hair
that is the issue.
- If you're going bare legged,
lotion up, girl.
Lotion up.
- Let's get to
the acting yesterday.
You have "it."
There's a quality.
It just comes out of you.
That's something
that cannot be taught.
- All right, thank you, Dida.
- Thank you.
- Sharon Needles.
- Hello, RuPaul.
- Here's my concern.
The whole thing,
the whole package
is just a little too jarring.
- This isn't the first time
I've caused concern
for being too far
out of the box.
- This is a little bit of what
happened yesterday.
You had something to say
about everything
that I had to say.
I need to know that you're gonna
take the notes,
not that you're just going
to say to me,
"This is just who I am,
and take it or leave it."
That throws up a flag
for a guy like me.
- Ladies, thank you.
I think we've heard enough.
While you untuck in
the Interior Illusions lounge,
the judges and I
will deliberate.
You may leave the stage.
Now, just between us "goils,"
what do you think?
Lil' Kenya Michaels.
- I think she's so, so pretty,
but it's my least favorite thing
to watch as an actor,
when they're just
really consumed with
how they look
instead of how they're acting.
- Why were you looking at me
when you said that?
- [laughs]
- Anyway.
- I think she was miscast in
the entire challenge.
- Madame LaQueer was the leader
of that group.
- She made some piss-poor
casting choices.
- Let's move on down to Milan.
- Kelly Rowland
better watch out,
but so should the crazy lady
at Coldwater Park.
This is a person
that talks to the sky
and tells imaginary
friends to watch out,
'cause she's coming.
- I was sort of shocked to hear
that she was trained.
I would have expected someone
who'd been trained a lot
would have been
a lot more at ease.
- All right, moving on down
to the team leader,
Madame LaQueer.
Well, she decided to give
herself a European accent.
- I legitimately thought she
was Russian.
- [laughs]
- This actress was not paying
attention.
She seems like a sweet lady,
but not for show business.
- All right, moving on
to Dida Ritz.
- I really was impressed
with the raw skill.
Dida has that innate ability
to sound sitcom.
- This is America's
next drag superstar.
This is $100,000.
I should not be having
to tell a queen
her hair needs to be bigger
and her legs
need to have lotion.
- All right, let's move on
to Miss Sharon Needles.
- My limited, sort of,
exposure to her,
I thought she was
kind of quirky and cool.
- I don't like the name.
I don't like the look.
I don't want to see a sitcom
starring the little girl from
The Ring.
- [laughs]
All right, silence.
I've made my decision.
Bring back my girls.
Welcome back, ladies.
I've made some
serious decisions.
Dida Ritz, you're safe.
- [mouthing words]
- You may join the other girls.
Madame LaQueer, the judges
were mad about you,
but not in a good way.
I'm sorry, my dear,
but you are up for elimination.
- I don't know why
I am in the bottom two.
There are people that actually
deserve to be here
in this position before me.
- Sharon Needles...
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
You're safe.
- Thank you.
- Is there anything
you'd like to say?
- I've spent my entire
adulthood creating a situation
where I didn't have to
answer to people
and, you know, I'll
really work on taking directions
in the future.
[sniffles]
- Sharon, you may join
the other girls.
Kenya Michaels...
You are safe.
Milan, I'm sorry, but you are
up for elimination.
- Being in the bottom two,
it's a terrifying rush.
- Two queens stand before me.
Ladies, this is your last chance
to impress me
and save yourself
from elimination.
The time has come...
for you to lip-sync
for your life.
Good luck...
and don't f*ck it up.
[Trouble playing]
- ♪ No attorneys ♪
♪ To plead my case ♪
♪ No orbits ♪
♪ To send me into outer space ♪
♪ I'm trouble ♪
♪ Yeah, trouble now ♪
♪ I'm trouble, y'all ♪
♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
- In lip-syncing for your life,
you have to try to
take the other person down.
- ♪ You can't take me ♪
♪ For a ride ♪
- I am really trying to
deliver the goods
that a drag superstar
should deliver.
- ♪ Yeah, trouble now ♪
- The pointer sisters
are the girls
who just point during
their lip-sync,
and Madame is
just a pointing queen.
She's a pointer sister.
- ♪ I'm trouble, y'all ♪
♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
♪ Here comes trouble ♪
♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
♪ I'm trouble ♪
- I'm just exploding
in energy at that moment,
because I don't want to go home.
- ♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
♪ So if you see me comin' ♪
- Madame LaQueer
wasn't doing much,
and I'm like, girl, Milan
just danced circles around you
and Swiffered the floor
with his taint.
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I got trouble ♪
♪ Yeah, trouble now ♪
♪ I'm trouble, y'all ♪
♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
- I don't understand why people
take their wigs off.
It's a drag show, not wig wars.
- ♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Ladies, I have made
my decision.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Milan...
Shante, you stay.
Milan, you may
join the other girls.
- Thank you.
[sniffling]
- Madame LaQueer, my queen,
hold your head high
and know that you represent
Puerto Rico
at its fiercest.
- Thank you so much
for this opportunity.
I wouldn't trade it
for anything in the world.
- Now, sashay away.
- This is history
in the making.
I'm proud to be part of it.
I made it.
I made my dream come true.
This is only the beginning.
- My prime time nine,
condragulations.
You are all kings of queens.
Now remember,
if you can't love yourself,
how in the hell you gonna
love somebody else?
Can I get an amen up in here?
- all: Amen.
> All right,
now let the music play.
- ♪ Right, right ♪
♪ Get-get-get it ♪
♪ Get it right ♪
♪ This is the beginning ♪
♪ The beginning ♪
♪ This is the beginning ♪
♪ Of the rest of your life ♪
RuPaul's Drag Race....
music makes the people
come together.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.
- Milan kept talking over
other people.
- '80s, it's about...
[laughs]
- It's getting real damn old.
- Just put some white powder
on your face and look gothic.
That's all we need you to do.
Sharon, she has
one good character,
so she might as well
use it.
- Did you work well
with Phi Phi?
- She definitely didn't bring
a strong leadership role.
- Sharon Needles...
condragulations.
- Yes!
- You're the winner
of this challenge.
Dida Ritz, shante, you stay.
- Thank you.
- The Princess, sashay away.
And tonight...
Ladies, you are all
under arrest.
The dolls do hard time.
- Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison
for Ladies.
- And tempers flare.
- Tired-ass showgirl.
- At least I am a showgirl,
bitch!
- With extra-special
guest judges Nicole Sullivan
and Will & Grace co-creator
Max Mutchnick.
[cheering]
The winner of
RuPaul's Drag Race
will receive a lifetime supply
of Nyx Cosmetics,
a one-of-a-kind trip courtesy
of alandchuck.travel,
headline Logo's Drag Race tour,
featuring Absolut Vodka...
cocktails perfected...
and a cash prize of $100,000.
And may the best woman win.
- ♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪
♪ Gentlemen ♪
♪ Start your engines ♪
♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪
♪ May the best woman win ♪
♪ Ru-Ru-RuPaul Drag Race ♪
♪ Gentlemen ♪
♪ Start your engines ♪
♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪
♪ May the best woman ♪
♪ Best woman win ♪
[tires squealing]
- Whee!
- Open space.
- Category is...
- Cheesecake!
- I'm sorry, but The Princess
is in another castle.
- "This is the beginning,
the only beginning."
- Dida, I think you should do
the honors,
since you beat her.
- You gave me everything
I needed, honey.
- I'm not gonna lie.
A lot of it came from anger
towards the judges.
I feel like the judges don't
really know me.
I just have to show them
what the entertainer in me
is like.
Next challenge,
I have a lot to prove.
- We have a three-way mirror,
and I just recommend
everybody do a turn
before you step out
on the runway,
because the lumps and bumps
and the bra strap.
- The thing is that I
usually don't pad.
- Somebody needs to teach
a course at the learning annex.
[laughter]
All right?
- Sharon Needles,
how does it feel
to have two wins under
your belt?
- I'm proud of myself.
I showed up here,
thinking I would probably be
the first girl home.
I was prepared to, like,
embarrass my entire drag family.
I can't believe how well
I'm doing here.
I'm getting kind of
used to winning.
Any time I've ever attempted
to run in a pageant,
I'm always last.
And for any one of those
"high class,"
you know, gown and crown
pageant queens
that ever gave me
a raised eyebrow,
who's laughing now?
Ha!
- I figured Sharon would win
this challenge
because I picked a character
for her
that she can excel in.
- Girl, shut up
before I smack you.
[siren]
- Ooh, girl!
You've got shemail.
Friends, you stand
on the shoulder pads
of a long line
of designing women,
golden girls who have
traveled down the road
and back again.
So whether you're looking
for Mr. Big
or just working
for Mr. Jefferson,
America's next drag superstar
needs the will and grace
to do whatever it takes to be
absolutely fabulous.
Now, kiss my grits.
[giggles]
[laughter]
Hello, hello, hello.
- Hi.
- Ladies, you are all
under arrest.
- What are you talking about,
girl?
- For today's mini challenge,
you'll be posing
for a memorable mug shot.
[laughter]
Now, you'll be working
in pairs,
so pick your favorite partner
in crime.
- I looked down the line
and I see one person
just looking, and I'm like...
[sighs]
You're with me, I guess.
What did I do
that was unchristian
that I have Madame
as my default partner?
- Oh, and one little detail.
Instead of doing
your own makeup,
you'll be responsible for
painting your partner's face.
- Oh, God!
- Oh!
- This couldn't possibly get
any worse.
- Oh, and one more thing.
You'll be handcuffed
to each other.
- [gasps]
- What?
[laughter]
- I have been to prison.
I don't plan on going in
no more handcuffs.
- Oh!
- Oh, I like this now.
- Book 'em, boys.
- Not too tight, officer.
- Now, you perps will have
to prep for your close-ups
before the photographer
from Polite and Public arrive.
On your mark, get set, paint.
- Let's go.
- Ooh!
- Ooh.
- Being handcuffed
and having to paint each other,
it's hard.
- [laughs]
- This is sick.
- I know, I need to get
something out of my bag.
I have a great idea
for a mug shot.
Madame's just like,
"Okay, I have ideas too,"
and I'm like,
"Well, we'll use mine."
Put this blue paint
on your face.
Take it and, like,
splotch it on me.
- Okay.
- Willam and Madame,
they both look like
they swallowed the smurfs.
[laughter]
- Willam and Madame LaQueer,
our first pair
of lady criminals.
Wow.
- We robbed a bank.
- Oh, that's the blue stuff.
- It's a dye pack.
- Of course, the dye pack.
- One, two, three...
violate the penal code.
Book her on the cover of Vogue.
Madame LaQueer is busting out
all over.
Toss that salad, girl.
Honey, you got me
scared straight.
Chad Michaels, Sharon Needles.
- Uh-huh.
- Oh!
Oh, dear!
You might need a breathalyzer,
honey.
- It's not my first time
at the rodeo.
- Deliverance!
Serving time!
Attica!
Excuse my beauty.
I was framed!
May I call you
Missy Misdemeanor?
- Yes.
- Don't drop the soap!
Serving time!
Salvation!
Child, you are serving some
Raggedy Ann realness.
It must be 5:00 somewhere,
because you got the shadow,
girl.
- [coughs]
[laughs]
- Acquittal!
Bad boys!
- What you gonna do?
- That's right, honey.
- Busted!
All right, girl.
If the wig don't fit,
you can't acquit.
All right,
that's a wrap...
sheet.
The verdict is in.
One pair is guilty of being
sickening in the first degree.
The winners of today's
mini challenge are...
Willam and Madame LaQueer.
- [laughs]
- Whoo!
[applause and laughter]
- Condragulations, girls.
Hollywood is a tough town.
One day, you're a big star,
and the next day,
you can't get arrested.
Today, you get to be both.
For this week's main challenge,
you'll be starring in the new
TV sitcom, Hot in Tuckahoe.
- A sitcom challenge
is my day job.
Come on.
I was like, sitcoms?
Oh, check.
- It's about four best
squirrel friends
who keep getting arrested
and sent to jail.
- [laughs]
- This acting challenge is
really exciting for me
because I have
a degree in acting.
This is my moment.
- You'll be competing
in two groups.
Willam, Madame LaQueer,
since you won
the mini challenge,
you'll be team captains.
- Finally, I'm not gonna get
picked last.
- Now, to choose your cast,
you'll be drawing names
from this iron fist shoe box,
which normally holds shoes
designed by yours truly.
Madame LaQueer, you go first.
- Dida Ritz.
- Cheesecake, yeah.
- Jiggly.
- Sharon Needles.
- Latrice.
- ♪ Ooh hoo ♪
- Kenya Michaels.
- Phi Phi.
- Milan.
- Milan goes to Madame LaQueer,
which of course means
that Chad Michaels
goes to Willam's team.
Willam, Madame LaQueer,
you are in charge
of assigning the parts.
I'll leave you
to learn your lines.
Gentlemen, start your engines,
and may the best woman win.
- All right, you'll be Karen,
I'll be Charlotte, uh,
you'll be Julia, and...
Kenya is performing Marge,
the guard
because it's just so funny
to see such a butch so small.
- Oh, my God,
Kenya's so fishy,
I don't even think she know how
to be butch.
- Okay, we gotta do
a quick read.
- Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison,
pretty ladies.
Says here you were arrested for
soliciting a "meenor."
- Minor.
- Minor, a minor.
- [clears throat]
- When you're in
a group challenge,
everyone's work reflects on you.
Go over this word with me
a couple times.
Tuckahoe.
- Tuckahoe, tuckahoe.
- Slower, tuck-a-hoe.
- Tuckahoe, okay.
- Soliciting.
- Soliciting a "meenor".
- A minor.
- Minor, minor, okay.
- Are you gonna let her
take over this?
Are you gonna let her direct?
- Girl, are you gonna keep
telling me
what I am going to do
with my group?
If she wants it her own way,
then she can win
a mini challenge
and then direct the group.
- I have to wear the tights
with this?
- Our main challenge today
is acting in a sitcom
called Hot in Tuckahoe.
He said, "Screw it."
I thought I just did!
- [laughs]
- For me, it's a day job.
I'm cool.
- Welcome to Tuckahoe
Prison for Ladies.
As soon as I saw that there was
a prison guard,
I knew that's
the role for me.
Well, hello, gorgeous.
I'll let you hide in my hedges
any day.
- I beg your pardon,
but I'm not into horticulture.
What the f*ck Is
horticulture?
- It's the study of plants.
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
I don't know what that means.
That's an S.A.T. Word.
- I'm not into horticulture.
That's the words
you're punching.
"I'm," 'cause that's you.
- But I'm not into
horticulture.
- I'm not into horticulture.
What are the most important
words in that sentence?
- I beg your pardon?
- No, no, no, you did it great.
- Leh-leh-leh-lah.
- I've been on sitcoms,
and I know about comedy.
Take your note and move on.
I beg your pardon?
- Just copy that.
Copy exactly how she said it.
- Exactly how they said it.
- I beg your pardon?
- But I'm not
into horticulture.
- But I'm not
into horticulture.
- Maybe I'll give Rose, like,
a Audrey from
Little Shop of Horrors voice.
This challenge is comedic
and character-driven.
I'm just starting to think
every challenge
is my kind of challenge.
- I thought you said it was
a Justin Beaver...f*ck.
- Oh, my God.
Hell no.
- The other group,
it's weird.
Sharon is talking like
she has something
stuck in her throat.
And it's like,
country bumpkin cartoon.
- It's a little tighter
than I expected.
- An oversized beaver
rubbing up against her kid?
I wonder why she got upset?
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are we talking about beavers?
Uh...oh!
- Are you doing an accent?
- Yes, I've got
a British accent.
- It's a little distracting.
Like, I think it might be a
little distracting to the text,
but that's your choice.
- I'm an actor, and I know
how to portray a character,
and that's actually my strength.
I asked the young man
next to me for his napkin
to wipe my friend's
sticky beaver.
- Oh, my God.
That's gonna be stupid.
[laughs]
- Hello, hello, hello!
- Hi, how are you?
- I smell Emmy.
[laughter]
- Whoo, that's correct, mama.
- Hey, kids.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Team Willam, you have a lot
of TV experience, don't you?
- Yeah, if you name a cop show
in the past ten years,
I've probably been on it.
- And what role
are you playing?
- Karen.
- Oh, is that the slutty one?
- She's man crazy.
[laughter]
- And why'd you choose that
for yourself?
- I'm very Samantha,
and I was on Sex and the City
with Samantha,
so that kind of works.
- Really?
- That's what you gotta do.
That's what you gotta do, honey.
- Latrice, you are playing...
- Large Marge.
- The prison guard.
Now, are you drawing this
from personal experience?
- The tables are turned, baby.
[laughter]
- And Jiggly,
what role are you playing?
- I get to play Charlotte.
- Is that the prissy one?
- The prissy one.
- Now, that...I would never
cast you as the prissy one.
- She said it.
I asked,
"Who do you identify with?"
- I mean, like,
I have my moments,
so, you know, there's things
that I'm just like, eww.
- Okay.
I want to hear how Jiggly
gets prissy.
- I beg your pardon?
But I'm not into horticulture.
- Jiggly, I think you could use
a little bit more work
of identifying
who your character is.
She's not really angry.
She's more prissy.
You got to commit to it;
you got to nail it.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- All right, kids,
get back to work.
I can't wait to see it.
It's very funny already.
- Thanks, Ru.
- All right, good.
Team Madame LaQueer.
- Hi, Ru.
- Madame, are you
a good director?
- I wrote and direct
a play myself twice.
- Oh, boy.
Milan, you're an actor.
How is Madame LaQueer
as a director?
- Um, I think she's a little
laid back.
She could be
a little bit more directorial
with her approach
but, uh, we seem to be doing
a great job.
- Okay, all right, all right.
Sharon Needles,
what role are you playing?
- Rose the idiot.
- Oh, my goodness.
And Madame LaQueer.
- Charlotte.
- Madame LaQueer prissy?
That's gonna be quite
a stretch for you, isn't it?
Wow.
Kenya, what role
are you playing?
- Marge.
- You're the butch
prison guard?
- [laughs]
Yeah.
- That's an interesting choice.
Who made that choice?
- I did.
- You made that choice.
- Yes.
I assigned the roles.
- Okay.
All right, all right.
I'm gonna let you kids
get back to it.
Remember that comedy
is precision.
Find the cohesive rhythm
together.
I'm sure you're gonna
work it out.
- Right.
- All right.
Gather 'round, ladykins.
Later, on the set of
your sitcom,
we'll be joined by our
extra special guest judge,
the Emmy-award-winning
co-creator of Will & Grace,
Max Mutchnick.
- Oh!
- Cool.
[applause]
- Awesome.
- Max Mutchnick,
he's a star-maker.
- Break a leg and...
don't f*ck It up.
All right, see you later.
- Bye, Ru.
- Bye, Ru.
- I couldn't be more thrilled
that Max Mutchnick is here,
because I've auditioned
for him before,
and I haven't gotten the job,
so I'd like a second chance.
- Jail scene, take one.
- Action.
- Ladies, no one needs to
go to jail for liking nuts.
Why, I have a huge sack.
- Oh, me first, gimme.
- Ooh, I like 'em honey-coated.
- Oh, I like mine raw.
- Wait a second,
are we still talking
about peanuts?
- Cut.
Jiggly, wait a second.
- Wait a second.
Are we still talking
about peanuts?
- Wait a second, period.
Are we still talking
about peanuts?
There's a period there.
- Wait a second.
Are we still talking
about peanuts?
Eww!
- You know, it...yeah.
Let's just keep going.
Action.
- Rose, what in the world are
you doing in that crazy get-up?
When the security guards
were chasing me,
the only thing I could find
to hide in
was this Mr. Happy uniform.
- Well, that's you in
a nutshell, Rose.
- [laughs]
- And cut.
- Chad, you're a pro.
You've obviously been doing it
for 3,000 years.
- [laughs]
- It's really working for me,
okay?
- Thank you.
- Ooh, me first, gimme.
- William.
- Willam.
- Willam, thank you.
- It's spelled right
on my headshot.
It's in there, so it's just
on the way out.
- So, "William," it's just,
make sure you get all the words
in there and...
- Why don't you correct Ru
when he says "William"?
- He's got a $100,000 check.
- [laughs]
- Oh, that's right, okay.
You make a good point.
- Yes.
- Ooh, I like 'em honey-coated.
- Oh, I like mine raw.
- Get those nuts
away from my face.
- Latrice, have a good time.
- Okay.
- "Get those nuts away
from my face,"
and then give...
look at the camera.
There you go.
- [laughs]
- I mean, you give us...
I mean, honey,
you could do that
for a half an hour,
and they would laugh.
- Well, I'm gonna let you have
it now.
Okay.
- There you go.
[laughter]
Action.
- Get those nuts
away from my face.
- [laughs]
- I was really tapping into
some serious acting skills there
because Marge
doesn't like nuts...
but Latrice does.
[laughs]
- That's a series.
Latrice in Get Those Nuts Away
From My Face, this fall.
- [laughs]
- Our main challenge today
is to act in a sitcom
called Hot in Tuckahoe.
- Action.
- Of all the stupid things.
Rose, why did you show up
at the Justin Bieber concert
in this ridiculous costume?
- Justin bie...oh.
I thought you said we were going
to a just...
f*ck.
- You can't do that on TV.
- No, I know.
I'm really good with dialogue.
It's just a real tongue-twister.
- All right, so you want to
just pick it up from...
- Okay, we'll pick it up again,
and we'll have no problems
this time.
- Rose, why did you show up
at a Justin Bieber concert
in this ridiculous costume?
- Oh, I thought you said
we were going to a dress
in beaver cos...gone...
God, that's a f*cking hard line.
- No F words.
And can we just make sure
that when you do that line...
- Well, it's a hard line.
I'm saying "dressed in beaver."
- Sharon keeps talking back.
- It's kind of
a hard thing to hear.
- I was like, girl, you need to
calm yourself down real quick.
- Please don't make me go
through that line again.
- Action.
- When was the last time
you washed this thing?
I mean, I nearly gagged
at the stench.
- Mmm, I kind of like
the smell.
Remind me
of high school gym class.
- Cut.
You were doing a one-woman
show out there.
You just seemed like
a crazy person
that's talking to yourself.
- Okay, okay.
- I nearly gagged on that...
on that stench.
- Ooh, I kind of
like the smell.
- Cut.
Kenya, you like
the smell of the beaver,
so don't hold your nose.
You love the beaver.
- I wonder why
she got so upset?
- It was just
a big old country boy.
I mean, that young man
looked pretty mature enough
to handle a beaver on his own.
- Milan, it's "mama's boy,"
not "country boy."
- I wonder why
she got so upset?
- He was just
a big old country boy.
- Cut.
- Sorry.
I mean, that young man looked
pretty mature enough
to handle a beaver
on his own.
- Um, Milan, Milan,
you're kind of
playing to stuff out here.
Be in the scene
with these people.
Look at the person
that you're talking to.
- It is extremely intimidating
to have the creator
of Will & Grace critique you.
I thought this evening
was kind of thrilling.
Me and this oversized beaver.
- Milan's not exciting enough.
I didn't want to see
more of her.
I didn't really care.
- Action.
- And then his mother told me
to get my tail out of his face,
and then she really
let me have it.
- Gee, a sloppy, oversized
beaver rubbing against her kid.
I wonder why she got so upset?
- Cut, print, Emmy.
You know how to do a sitcom.
It's what you dream of,
when you're writing
this kind of stuff,
that you come across an actress
who just takes the stuff,
takes it to a better place,
and it's really wonderful
to watch.
- Thank you.
I feel, like, tears almost
coming
'cause I'm doing exactly
what I prayed for,
just to redeem myself.
- Action.
- That was so mortifying.
I "actudentially" spilled a...
ah-la-la-la.
I "actudentially" spilled
a virgin Mary on Rose,
so I asked the, uh, oh!
- Cut.
It's a bloody mary,
not a virgin mary.
- Okay.
- And I asked this young man
next to me for a...
Oh.
I'm gonna go again, sorry.
- LaQueer,
it's really important
that you listen to the director,
okay?
When you make a mistake,
and you're in front of
a live audience,
you got to keep going.
You keep stopping as if
you're allowed to stop.
There is no stopping.
- So I asked the young man next
to me for a napkin
so I can wipe my friend's
hairy beav...
- Ooh.
Ouch.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We are talking about beavers
or...ew!
- Can you do the "ew"
as Lucille Ball, though?
Ewwwwww!
Do it like that.
- Ewwwwww!
- Ewwwwwwww!
- Ewwwww!
- Ewwwwwww!
- Ewwwww!
- Ewwwwwwww!
- Ewwwwww!
- That is a wrap.
Nice work, ladies.
Tomorrow, you'll sitcoms will
premiered on the main stage,
where we will be joined by
one of my favorite funny ladies.
Mad TV alum Nicole Sullivan.
- Oh, I love her.
[applause]
- Oh, my God, I'm so happy
Nicole Sullivan's
gonna be a judge.
I can't wait.
All right, ladies.
We will see you tomorrow.
All right, here we go.
all: Bye.
[alarm beeps]
- "Mornking."
- All right.
- All right, time to work.
- Hello, boo-boo.
- So were you guys
sweating it up
in that jail cell yesterday?
Any flashbacks in there?
- I tell you this,
it was nice to be
on the other side of it
for a change,
you know what I mean?
Being in prison gave me
that opportunity
to, like, think about
what my dreams were.
And you know what?
Your choices are to accept it
and move on,
or to beat yourself
up over it.
Everybody makes mistakes,
but, bitch, you better look
sickening when you get up.
Sickening,
and make them eat it.
- Latrice,
can you take us to church?
- ♪ Whoa, Jesus is a biscuit ♪
♪ He gonna sop you up ♪
♪ Ah, Jesus is a biscuit ♪
♪ He better sop you up ♪
[laughter]
- We all need a blessing at
this point.
Lord knows I do.
[laughter]
- ♪ Breaking out the Westwood ♪
- All right, this is gonna be
good enough.
It's not a pageant.
- It's a pageant for my life.
Every day I'm up for it,
I think "pageant."
- What I said about Phi Phi
on the runway last week
makes me feel bad.
- Did you work well with
Phi Phi?
- She definitely didn't bring
a strong leadership role.
Basically what she said is,
"You're spooky,
dress like a monster."
- Come talk to me for a minute.
- What's up?
- Well, I don't know if
any of the other girls
have said anything about it,
but I'd rather have you hear
it from me now
before it turns into
much bigger than it was,
but in the last runway, um,
I was pretty sure I was
in the bottom two.
- Uh-huh.
- So I brought you up,
and I just wanted to
let you know.
- What do you mean,
brought me up?
Brought me up, how?
- Well, basically,
what I said was,
I felt that you kind of
pushed me into, you know,
just doing my spooky look
and that it was irresponsible,
and I thought
it was kind of sloppy, just to...
- Because I told you to do
something that you're good at?
- Well, I wanted RuPaul to know
that if she wanted to say
that I just kept turning out
the same look,
it was because you just wanted
us to be what we always are.
- You're an adult.
You could have came up to me
and said, "You know what?
I don't want to do this."
- I was being realistic.
- Realistic is bullshit,
because I picked out a character
for you
to sit there and do,
and you did it great.
You obviously won
the g*dd*mn challenge.
- Because...because...
- Because of me.
Because I told you
to go in your closet
and dig out
that g*dd*mn gothic look.
So congratulations,
you're welcome,
because I was the one
that sat there
and picked that out for you.
- Okay, well,
if you think that I won
because of you,
you...you are wrong.
- Then what...
what do you want to do?
- It's my talent
that gets me to win.
- Sharon, you know what?
You are not even
on the same level as me,
so get the f*ck out of my face.
- That's right, because you...
- Get the f*ck
out of my face.
Go back and do your only
one look that you got!
- Oh, I have one look?
Tired-ass showgirl.
f*ck You.
- Tired-ass showgirl?
At least I am a showgirl, bitch!
Go back to Party City
where you belong!
- I'm the f*cking
future of drag.
You look f*cking 20 years ago.
- Oh, girl, please.
- I tried to talk to you
like a sister
and I tried to talk to you
like a grownup.
- We aren't sisters, though,
so I don't ever want you
talking to me.
- Whoa, time to go.
- To sit there
and tarnish my reputation
just because she felt insecure
is bullshit.
Bitch, don't come for me.
- Future of drag.
f*cking tired-ass lame shit.
Future, the future.
- ♪ Jesus is a visqueen ♪
[laughter]
[laughter]
[RuPaul's Cover Girl]
- ♪ Cover girl ♪
♪ Put the bass in your walk ♪
♪ Head to toe ♪
♪ Let your whole body talk ♪
And what?
Welcome to the main stage of
RuPaul's Drag Race.
Hey, it's that girl,
Michelle Visage.
- You spin me right round,
baby.
- [laughs]
Hey, Billy B., what's happening?
- You look sickening.
- Thank you, darling.
Max Mutchnick, how are you,
darling?
- Thrilled, and you get points
for just getting the name right.
- [laughs]
And Nicole Sullivan.
I'm so glad you're here.
Now, what would the Vancome
Lady say about my makeup?
- Looks like Little Orphan
Annie sat in the sun too long
and then got a boob job.
- [laughs]
Now, this week,
the queens were challenged
to play classic
sitcom character types,
and tonight,
they're all dolled up
for their television premiere.
Gentlemen, start your engines,
and may the best woman win.
- Up first, Phi Phi O'Hara.
She's so vaginal in white.
- If I'm gonna go
to red carpet,
I want a gorgeous gown
that everybody's gonna be, like,
"Ooh, that's Phi Phi."
- I see her halo.
- And that dress has wings.
Latrice Royale.
I see the Beverly Hills, Billy.
- [laughs]
- I'm blinging;
I'm feeling beautiful.
This is the sheer elegant side
of Latrice.
- I think Latrice has a
Cable Ace Award up her sleeve.
- Or she's just happy
to see you.
- Uh-huh.
Dida Ritz.
Wow, she's on fire.
- I'm all about showing body
and leg.
I am working it.
- She's walking like
she has somewhere to go.
She's got a meeting
in the ladies room.
- Madame LaQueer as Folk.
- [laughs]
- I'm going for something
I would actually wear
to a event premiere.
- Lainie Kazan's sexy sister.
- Kirstie Alley
better watch out.
Willam, serving
a little Taylor Swift.
- I chose some
Vivienne Westwood
because the only thing that
matters on the red carpet is,
who are you wearing?
- I love it accidentally
fell off the shoulder.
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
- "Did my boob fall out?"
- Standards and practices
will hear about this.
Lil' Kenya Michaels.
- Work, Lil' Kenya Braxton.
- Yes.
- I feel amazing.
I'm a model.
This is my moment.
- A pineapple smoothie.
- Delicious.
Chad Michaels.
- Ooh!
- Very Florence
and the Machine.
- The dog days are over.
- I'm wearing a tribute
to the Tudors,
the Renaissance,
and I just felt really gorgeous.
- Take it all in, darling.
Up next, Jiggly Caliente.
- This is Brooklyn prom,
b*tches.
- The girls that are edgy,
young Hollywood,
they don't wear
evening gowns all the time.
This gal looked pretty.
- It's always jiggly
in Philadelphia.
- [laughs]
- London, Paris, Milan.
All righty, man.
She's playing her gold card.
- It feels like I've been
poured in gold,
and if there was
a female version of the Oscar,
it would be me.
- She's just a bond girl.
- Octopussy.
- Sharon Needles.
- ♪ Here's to the ladies ♪
♪ Who lunch ♪
- I kind of wanted to ham it up
and dress like an old lady.
- And she's so generous
with her fans,
signing autographs.
- I think Carol Burnett
found her diva.
[laughter]
- I'm so glad we had
this time together.
Welcome back, bosom buddies.
Let's tune in to
an all- new episode
of Hot in Tuckahoe,
the one with the beaver,
starring team Madame LaQueer.
- ♪ They did their time ♪
♪ And they're out on parole ♪
♪ Now they're the ♪
♪ Hottest thing in tuckahoe ♪
- Of all the stupid things.
Rose, why did you show up
at the Justin Bieber concert
in this
ridiculous costume?
- Justin bie...oh!
I thought you said we were going
to a "dress in beaver" concert.
[canned laughter]
- When was the last time you
washed this thing?
I mean, I nearly gagged
at the stench.
- Mmm, I kind of
like the smell.
It remind me of
high school gym class.
Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison.
Pretty lady, so I hear you
were arrested
for soliciting a minor.
- That was so mortifying.
I accidentally spilled
my Bloody Mary on Rose,
so I asked for a young man
for his napkin
for me to wipe
my friend's sticky beaver.
- Did somebody say "beaver"?
[canned cheering]
- Finally, a big, strong man
who could get us all off.
[canned oohs]
- Now, let's all
put our heads together
and get this thing licked.
[canned cheering]
- Well, it's not gonna
lick itself.
- And my beaver is dirty.
[canned laughter]
- Are we talking about beavers
or...
[horror movie music]
♪ ♪
Ewwwwwwwww!
[canned applause]
- [laughs]
- I think we did
a pretty good job.
We delivered.
- Team Willam, it's time for
another episode of
Hot in Tuckahoe.
You know, the one with the nuts.
- ♪ They did their time ♪
♪ And they're out on parole ♪
♪ Now they're the ♪
♪ Hottest thing in tuckahoe ♪
- Of all the dumb ideas, Rose,
what made you think that
we could break into a nut farm
in the middle of the night?
- Well, Julia,
I was having such a bad day,
and the only thing
I could think of
to make me feel better
was a big mouthful
of Mr. Happy's tasty nuts.
- Welcome to
Tuckahoe Prison for Ladies.
Says here you were caught hiding
in the hedges.
Mmm, well, hello, gorgeous.
I'd like to let you hide
in my hedges any day.
- I beg your pardon,
but I am not into horticulture.
[canned laughter]
- Hey, guard, you seem like
a gal that loves nuts.
- Back off, chickapee.
I'm allergic to nuts.
Tried 'em once,
almost gagged to death.
- Did someone say "nuts"?
[canned cheering]
- Finally, a big, strong man
who can get us all off.
- No one needs to go to jail
for liking nuts.
Why, I have a huge sack...
[canned oohs]
Right here.
- Oh, me first, gimme.
- Hey, get those nuts away
from my face.
[canned laughter]
[canned cheers and applause]
- Wait a second.
Are we still talking about
peanuts or...
Ew!
[canned laughter]
[canned cheers and applause]
[theme music]
[laughter]
- Ladies, the ratings are in,
and one team was, in a word,
dy-no-mite.
- [laughs]
- The winning team is...
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Team Willam.
- Ah!
[applause]
- Condragulations.
But one queen in particular
was serving must-see TV.
The winner of this week's
main challenge is...
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Latrice Royale.
- Oh!
[applause]
- Condragulations.
You will receive a cruise,
courtesy of alandchuck.travel.
- Thank you so much.
I'm finally in the game.
I can get a little bit
of recognition
for what I've been doing.
That makes me feel incredible.
- Team Willam,
you are all safe.
You may leave the stage.
- Let's go.
- Bye.
- Team Madame LaQueer,
you've got some 'splainin'
to do.
First up, little Kenya Michaels.
Now, Kenya, you were playing
Marge, the butch guard.
Was that your interpretation
of butch?
- I was trying to be a Butch.
I tried to look like a man,
but...
- [laughs]
- There was nothing butch
about you.
- Runway was great.
You looked beautiful.
- So pretty, easy-going,
and I "lurv" the dress.
- Thank you, Kenya.
Next up, Milan.
Now, you're a trained actor,
aren't you?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Tonight, you are like
a stunning black Emmy award.
As for your performance,
I think you got lost,
and I think you were acting
all by yourself.
- You needed to
take it further.
It's always better to be told
to take it down
than it is to pump it up.
- Thank you, Milan.
Madame LaQueer.
Now, tell me about watching
yourself in the sitcom.
- I think I lost my accent.
- What accent
were you going for?
Can you give me an example?
- Of course.
I was going for this accent
because I am an uptight
and prissy woman.
- Hmm.
- Ah.
- You were working on an accent
that I don't think
worked for you.
I think that you were stretching
maybe a little bit too far.
- Thank you.
Next up, Dida Ritz.
- I think you could be sexier
and prettier,
and I think it's the hair
that is the issue.
- If you're going bare legged,
lotion up, girl.
Lotion up.
- Let's get to
the acting yesterday.
You have "it."
There's a quality.
It just comes out of you.
That's something
that cannot be taught.
- All right, thank you, Dida.
- Thank you.
- Sharon Needles.
- Hello, RuPaul.
- Here's my concern.
The whole thing,
the whole package
is just a little too jarring.
- This isn't the first time
I've caused concern
for being too far
out of the box.
- This is a little bit of what
happened yesterday.
You had something to say
about everything
that I had to say.
I need to know that you're gonna
take the notes,
not that you're just going
to say to me,
"This is just who I am,
and take it or leave it."
That throws up a flag
for a guy like me.
- Ladies, thank you.
I think we've heard enough.
While you untuck in
the Interior Illusions lounge,
the judges and I
will deliberate.
You may leave the stage.
Now, just between us "goils,"
what do you think?
Lil' Kenya Michaels.
- I think she's so, so pretty,
but it's my least favorite thing
to watch as an actor,
when they're just
really consumed with
how they look
instead of how they're acting.
- Why were you looking at me
when you said that?
- [laughs]
- Anyway.
- I think she was miscast in
the entire challenge.
- Madame LaQueer was the leader
of that group.
- She made some piss-poor
casting choices.
- Let's move on down to Milan.
- Kelly Rowland
better watch out,
but so should the crazy lady
at Coldwater Park.
This is a person
that talks to the sky
and tells imaginary
friends to watch out,
'cause she's coming.
- I was sort of shocked to hear
that she was trained.
I would have expected someone
who'd been trained a lot
would have been
a lot more at ease.
- All right, moving on down
to the team leader,
Madame LaQueer.
Well, she decided to give
herself a European accent.
- I legitimately thought she
was Russian.
- [laughs]
- This actress was not paying
attention.
She seems like a sweet lady,
but not for show business.
- All right, moving on
to Dida Ritz.
- I really was impressed
with the raw skill.
Dida has that innate ability
to sound sitcom.
- This is America's
next drag superstar.
This is $100,000.
I should not be having
to tell a queen
her hair needs to be bigger
and her legs
need to have lotion.
- All right, let's move on
to Miss Sharon Needles.
- My limited, sort of,
exposure to her,
I thought she was
kind of quirky and cool.
- I don't like the name.
I don't like the look.
I don't want to see a sitcom
starring the little girl from
The Ring.
- [laughs]
All right, silence.
I've made my decision.
Bring back my girls.
Welcome back, ladies.
I've made some
serious decisions.
Dida Ritz, you're safe.
- [mouthing words]
- You may join the other girls.
Madame LaQueer, the judges
were mad about you,
but not in a good way.
I'm sorry, my dear,
but you are up for elimination.
- I don't know why
I am in the bottom two.
There are people that actually
deserve to be here
in this position before me.
- Sharon Needles...
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
You're safe.
- Thank you.
- Is there anything
you'd like to say?
- I've spent my entire
adulthood creating a situation
where I didn't have to
answer to people
and, you know, I'll
really work on taking directions
in the future.
[sniffles]
- Sharon, you may join
the other girls.
Kenya Michaels...
You are safe.
Milan, I'm sorry, but you are
up for elimination.
- Being in the bottom two,
it's a terrifying rush.
- Two queens stand before me.
Ladies, this is your last chance
to impress me
and save yourself
from elimination.
The time has come...
for you to lip-sync
for your life.
Good luck...
and don't f*ck it up.
[Trouble playing]
- ♪ No attorneys ♪
♪ To plead my case ♪
♪ No orbits ♪
♪ To send me into outer space ♪
♪ I'm trouble ♪
♪ Yeah, trouble now ♪
♪ I'm trouble, y'all ♪
♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
- In lip-syncing for your life,
you have to try to
take the other person down.
- ♪ You can't take me ♪
♪ For a ride ♪
- I am really trying to
deliver the goods
that a drag superstar
should deliver.
- ♪ Yeah, trouble now ♪
- The pointer sisters
are the girls
who just point during
their lip-sync,
and Madame is
just a pointing queen.
She's a pointer sister.
- ♪ I'm trouble, y'all ♪
♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
♪ Here comes trouble ♪
♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
♪ I'm trouble ♪
- I'm just exploding
in energy at that moment,
because I don't want to go home.
- ♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
♪ So if you see me comin' ♪
- Madame LaQueer
wasn't doing much,
and I'm like, girl, Milan
just danced circles around you
and Swiffered the floor
with his taint.
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I got trouble ♪
♪ Yeah, trouble now ♪
♪ I'm trouble, y'all ♪
♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
- I don't understand why people
take their wigs off.
It's a drag show, not wig wars.
- ♪ I got trouble in my town ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Ladies, I have made
my decision.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Milan...
Shante, you stay.
Milan, you may
join the other girls.
- Thank you.
[sniffling]
- Madame LaQueer, my queen,
hold your head high
and know that you represent
Puerto Rico
at its fiercest.
- Thank you so much
for this opportunity.
I wouldn't trade it
for anything in the world.
- Now, sashay away.
- This is history
in the making.
I'm proud to be part of it.
I made it.
I made my dream come true.
This is only the beginning.
- My prime time nine,
condragulations.
You are all kings of queens.
Now remember,
if you can't love yourself,
how in the hell you gonna
love somebody else?
Can I get an amen up in here?
- all: Amen.
> All right,
now let the music play.
- ♪ Right, right ♪
♪ Get-get-get it ♪
♪ Get it right ♪
♪ This is the beginning ♪
♪ The beginning ♪
♪ This is the beginning ♪
♪ Of the rest of your life ♪