01x05 - It's My Party and I'll Lie if I Want To

[bunniefuu]

[MAN ON P. A:] Hannah
Montana, you're on in two minutes.

All right, now shake the nerves
out. Yes, get them out, now.

Now, loosen up the throat.

[BOTH VOCALIZING]

[BOTH SCREECHING]

[MONKEY-LIKE SCREECHING]

Good to go.

Remember when I started coaching you,

when you were embarrassed to do that?

I miss those days.

Hannah! Mwhah!
-Mwhah!

I am so happy you guys
are here, are you having fun?

Tons of.

Except there's this weird
girl in your dressing room

who keeps sticking her
tongue in the chocolate fountain.

She looks like my dog in a rain puddle.

Hannah!

You know her?

-Traci and Evan, this is my friend_
-Lola Luftnagle.

Daughter of oil baron Rudolf Luftnagle,

sister of socialites Bunny and Kiki Luftnagle,

cousin of...

But you can call me Lola.

Strawberry?

Oops! My bad.

Yes, it is.

So,

are you guys gonna hang backstage?

Oh, that'd be so cool. We could hang together.

But, then who would sit in our seats?

Good point. And it is getting
a little crowded back here.

I know what you mean.

Who let some of these people backstage?

Tell me about it.

Well, hasta la 'pasta'.

What a loser!

They seem nice.

Maybe I should go with them.

No,

'cause you're my good luck charm.

My chocolate covered good luck charm.

That's embarrassing.

Oh, no, no one noticed.

I'm gonna need another towel!

Okay,

so just stay right here where I
can see you, and no one else will.

Just pretend those little
feet are nailed to the ground.

[MAN ON P. A:] Hannah Montana
to the stage. It's show time.

Okay.

Nailed right there.

Okay.

[VOCALIZING]

[Audience CHANTING]

Don't worry, Hannah. Lola
will be right here for you.

[MAN ON P. A:] The bathrooms
are over here, Ms. Stefani.

Gwen Stefani. Gwen, wait
up, babe, I'll go with you.

Gweni, 'Gwendola'.

[MAN ON P. A:] Let's hear it,
San Diego, for Hannah Montana!

[All cheering]

[♫]

♪ So what you see is only half the story[/i] ♪

♪ There's another side of me ♪

♪ I'm a girl you know but I'm someone else, too ♪

♪ If you only knew! ♪

♪ It's a crazy life ♪

♪ But I'm all right ♪

♪ I got everything I've always wanted ♪

♪ I'm living the dream ♪

♪ So, yeah everything I've always wanted ♪

♪ Isn't always what it seems ♪

♪ I'm a lucky girl ♪

♪ Whose dreams came true ♪

♪ But underneath it all, I'm just like you ♪

[♫]

♪ Come on! ♪

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ Uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Hottest styles, every shoe, every color ♪

♪ Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ It's really you but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ Who would have thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ Would double as a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪

♪ Chill it out, take it slow ♪

♪ Then you rock out the show ♪

♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪

♪ Mix it all together ♪

♪ And you know that it's the best of both worlds ♪

[Laughing]

[Sighs] Ahhh..ahh

[Sighs]Ahhh..

Wake up!

Darlin', sometimes I wish
you came with a snooze alarm.

So what's this all about?

Lilly. I don't know what to say to her.

I mean, I don't want to hurt her feelings

but, she was so embarrassing backstage.

Well, how bad was it?

Let's just say Lilly made a
little unscheduled trip last night

to Dork Flats, Iowa.

Population, her.

Come on, Mile, Lilly's just
not used to being backstage.

I'm sure next time, she'll_

Won't follow Gwen Stefani
all the way into the bathroom

and ask her to sign her protective seat cover?
-Ha, ha

Ha, ha, ha

It ain't funny.

Dad, you don't know what it's like

to have someone you love
embarrass you all the time.

I think I do.

[Phone ringing-♪]

Hello?

Lilly landing in three... Two... One.

That concert last night was
so much fun. I had so much fun.

-Did you have so much fun?
-I had fun!

Did you see that dreamy
boy in the third row? Woo!

We don't sound like that,
and he was in the second row.

Come on, people, I make pancakes with that milk!

[Cell phone ringing-♪]

The Hannah line. It's always somebody so cool!

Let me get it, please!
-No, no, no, I'll get it.

Yo-la!

-Hey, superstar.
-Hey Trace, what's going on?

We're throwing a little
birthday bash for Kelly tonight.

[gasps]

Kelly? Kelly Clarkson?

I can't believe I'm actually
going to Kelly's party.

[Miley:] Trace, hold on a sec.

I'm not sure if I can bring anybody, Lilly.

Well, ask her.
-Ask her. Right.

I should ask her.

Now.

So, Trace, I can't bring anybody, right?

[Mouthing]

Sure, Kelly said you can bring anybody you want.

[Screaming]

Trace, it's Lola. I'll see you there!

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm
actually going to a big Hollywood party!

Excuse me.

[TRACl:] Hannah, I have a 'micro-problem.'

I know, but Lilly,

Lola is really great once you get to know her.

Right, okay, bye.

Lilly's not invited, is she?

What do I do now, Dad?

Look!

And that's before the party.

I just wish there was some type of magic spell

which could stop people
from acting like total.. geeksicles!

Me, too, honey; Me, too.

Babe alert, 11 o'clock.

[Exclaims] Wow!

Older woman checking me out.

In your dreams, Oken.

Normally, yes, but...

But she's only looking at you,
because you're sitting next to me.

Watch and learn, boys.

But don't applaud, it throws off my timing.

Please pretend to like me,
those guys are watching.

Oh, I don't have to pretend.

-You're cute.
-Really?

Yes, you are. You're just the cutest little boy.

Look at that face.

And those chubby, chubby cheeks!

-Not helping!
-I'm sorry, let me make it all better.

-Do you want some candy?
-No, I don't want any candy...

What kind is it?

[Scoffs]

Yuck it up, boys, I got nougat on the first date.

Now it's time for a real man.

-It's Rico time.
-Yeah, it's Rico's bedtime.

Prepare to cry yourself to sleep.

Hi!

Please pretend to like me,
my boss's kid is watching.

-But I do like you.
-Oh...

[Giggles]

-I'm Nina.
-Jackson.

Look, I don't mean to be pushy...

No, please, push. I like pushy. Pushy's good.

I'm a student at the Malibu School of Beauty

and I was just wondering
if I could borrow your head.

-What?
-Well, it's just that your hair

is so fantastic and I really
need someone to practice on

and I'd just give anything to get my hands on it.

Well, today's your lucky day.
Anything is exactly my price.

[Giggles]

Here, have a seat.

-How do I do it?
-You got me.

Or, I got you.

[RICO LAUGHS EVILLY]

[GASPING]

Wow. That's... That's interesting.

I'm so sorry.

My parents were right. I don't
have what it takes to be a beautician.

No, no, of course you do. Don't worry.

We'll fix this. We'll fix this, right?

Yeah, let me just go home and
practice on my dog one more time.

I'll see you tomorrow.

♪ [♫] Party, party, party! Party, party, party! ♪

♪ Everybody, now! Party, party... ♪

Hey,

what's wrong?

Lilly, we have to talk.

Well, let's talk on the way to the party.

No, Lilly, we have to talk now.

Why, what's the matter?

Okay.

You know how we promised to
always be honest with each other?

-Yeah.
-No matter how hard it may be.

You trying to tell me that this
shirt does not go with this hair?

Okay,

I'm just gonna come right
out and say this because

you're my friend, Lilly, and I owe you that much.

Truth is...

The party's been canceled.

Hannah,

I've been looking all over for you.

What are you doing out here?

[Sighs]

I'm waiting for my dad to come pick me up.

But Kelly's not even here yet.

I know. I guess I'm not really in the party mood.

Okay, love you, but you're downing my vibe.

TTYL.

[Cell phone ringing-♪]

-Hello?
-So, what you doing?

Lilly.

I'm not doing anything. Nothing.

Just... Just studying. I mean,
no party. Just me. Party of one.

[LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

-What's that?
-Oh, that's just Jackson

playing his stereo too loud.

Jackson, "Turn it down"!
I'm studying, fool!

-So, want to go to the mall tomorrow?
-Sure, the mall sounds like fun.

Hannah Montana! Say, "Cheese!"

-Who's that?
-Just my dad ordering pizza.

No, Dad; I don't want extra
cheese! Sorry, I gotta hang up

before he goes all deep dish on me.

Hi. I was just wondering if
you could be the good guy

-and not print out that picture.
-Sure, sweetheart, no problem.

Oh, wait a minute, I'm not a good guy.

[Chuckling]

Well, in that case, I'm not a good girl.

-Give me the camera!
-Get off me! What are you doing?

Hannah's not happy!

She was just trying to even out the sides

and get rid of the orange.

I'm not gonna say a thing.

-Well, thank you.
-I'm gonna sing a thing.

♪ [♫] I once knew a girl named Nina ♪

♪ And, boy, she was a find ♪

♪ So I gave my sweetie my golden locks ♪

♪ Now I look like a bluebird's behind ♪

♪ A bluebird's behind ♪

♪♪ A bluebird's behind ♪♪

Dad!

Whatever happened to using
your own misery to write a song?

I'm sorry, Son.

I only make fun because I've been there myself.

Heck, every guy has. But look on the bright side.

At least you got yourself
a date with a pretty girl.

Well, not yet.

Well, then you better hurry up before

somebody uses your head as a toilet brush.

Ouch!

[Sighs] Okay.

That's all the papers
between Lilly's house and here.

Holy Moly!

How desperate are you?
[Phone ringing-♪]

Well, look who's talking!

At least I'm not the one
taking "Hannah's wild ride."

[EXCLAIMS GLEEFULLY]

Listen, Shmohawk,

I don't care what I have to do.

If Lilly finds out why I didn't
take her to the party, it'll crush her.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

Well, darlin', then you better
make those newspapers disappear.

Lilly in ten.

-Ready?
-For what?

The mall. I gotta pick out a
slammin' outfit for the next party.

I mean, I wouldn't wanna embarrass you.

No, we wouldn't want
that. So, let's go to the mall.

Yeah, the good old mall with that
big newsstand and all those people

talking about what's in the
news and who's in the news.

On the other hand, the
beach sounds like fun, too.

-But the mall has cute clothes.
-But the beach has cute boys.

To the beach! Go!

Guys, there you are!

You'll never guess who made the
cover of the entertainment section.

Who?

Hey, Oliver, go long!

Too loooong!

You know what? I'm hungry, let's eat.

♪ Hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry. ♪

You know what? There is one hot grandpa.

There was a bee.

A big bee!

I think I got it.

You're welcome.

Seriously, I want you guys to see this!

Hey, dude with the board!

Never mind!

You know what? It's getting
really crowded back here.

Let's go look for sea glass.

Okay; Cross your fingers.

I think I fixed it.

Why do I feel a breeze on my head?

Why do I feel my head?

[SHUDDERING]

Well, at least I know you're done.

Oh, I messed up again!

No, no, no, it's okay.

When it grows back out, you can try again.

-You'd really let me try again?
-Well, sure.

I can't take this anymore.

You're bald! Why aren't you mad at me?

It's not like you did it on purpose.

But, I did.

Why? Why would anybody...

Oh, no.

Something smells like Rico.

The kid paid me.

I never would have done it
if I'd known you were so nice.

I just wish I could help you get him back.

Well, I'm sorry. I'm just too upset
to think about revenge right now.

Okay, I'm over it.

Tell me again what Jackson looked
like when he realized it was me.

[Laughing]

Don't forget the scream. That's my favorite part.

[Screams]

Life just doesn't get any better than this.

Okay, make me look Friday-night fresh.

You got it.

Just close your eyes, sit back and relax.

Ah, not too much off the sides now.

Mmm-hmm.

Wow, I've got enough sea
glass to make a coffee table.

-What about you?
-I've got enough sea glass to never,

ever look for it again.

Oh, are the comics in here?

We didn't get our paper
today. Nobody on our block did.

Who cares about the comics?

I mean the fat lazy cats
and the pumpkin-headed kid

who's always trying to
kick that football. Boring!

-Let's just talk, we never talk.
-We talked all day.

You know what? Good
point. I'm tired of my own voice.

Let's listen to someone else's.

[MAN ON TV:] Next on; This Week In Hollywood,

what pouty pop princess
pummeled a paparazzi last...

But I wanted to see that!

No, you don't.

Why is your couch so lumpy?

Oh, speaking of lumpy.

Let's make some oatmeal.

Nothing like a big bowl of oatmeal
after a long day at the beach.

[Cell phone ringing-♪]

-Oh, the Hannah phone!
-No!

Hello, Hannah Montana's
close personal friend Lola here.

Oh my gosh, Kelly!

It's Kelly Clarkson! Hello.

Lilly, give me the phone!

So, Kelly Felly, sorry to
hear the party was canceled.

Lilly, give me the phone!

What do you mean? Hannah said...

Lilly, don't listen to her!

She doesn't like me! Professional jealousy!

Petty, petty girl!

Okay, I'll tell her you called.

Bye.

Lilly; I can explain.

The only reason I didn't tell
you about the party is because...

You didn't want me there?

It wasn't me that didn't
want you there, it was...

Traci and Evan?

Yeah, they kind of thought you were uncool.

Even after you told them how cool I was?

You didn't tell them that, did you?

Not exactly.

No, Lilly, wait.

You don't need them as your friend.

You got me.

But if you were really my
friend, you'd tell me the truth.

Okay,

I'll come right out and say it.

[MILEY SIGHS]

You spit food on people,

you followed them into the bathroom,

and you walked around for about an hour

with a chocolate beard.

Oh, how embarrassing.

Why am I such a dork?

Why do I always do that?

Lilly, when are you ever gonna learn?

[SIGHS ANGRILY]

No, Lilly, don't be so hard on yourself.

I mean the first time I
saw the chocolate fountain,

I poured about half of it into my purse.

You're saying that to make me feel better.

What the heck are all these newspapers?

I'll tell you what they are.

They're me not being a good friend.

I got caught leaving the party
early and I didn't want you to know.

Why were you leaving early?

Because it was no fun without you there.

Really?
-Yeah.

And you know what?

It's never gonna happen again.

[ALL CHATTERING]

We don't have to do this.
We're still best friends.

I know, that's exactly why I have to do this.

Hannah, it's so awesome to see you with... her.

What was it again? Lola Loser-nagle?

It's Luftnagle!

-It is Luftnagle, right?
-I think.

Well, whatever it is, she's not on the list.

You know what? I like you Trace,

but if you wanna be my
friend she's part of the deal.

But she's just so uncool.

Not as uncool as you were
when you shot a snot rocket

so big it hit both of the Olsen twins.

That's not fair. You know I have sinus problems.

Well, we all have problems.

But a good friend doesn't
bail on you when you have 'em.

I didn't bail on you with the twins
and I'm not gonna bail on Lilly.

-Lola.
-Right.

Okay fine, but tell anyone about
the snot rocket and you're out.

-Deal.
-Meet you in there.

[SNIFFLING]

Well;

What you did for your friend was real nice.

I think so, too.

Is that Orlando Bloom?

[SQUEALS EX CITEDLY]

I'm cool. I'm cool.

-Just go for it.
-Thanks!

[Screaming]
Ahhhhh!

-She is kind of a dork.
-I know.

But she's my dork. Orlando!

[Chuckling]

That's real smart.

Laugh at the person who's handling your food!

You tell 'em, cue ball.

Thanks, Mini-Me.

Hey, we may look alike but
we will never be the same.

You know, I think what we learned here is that

there are no winners in a w*r like this.

Only hairless casualties.

You're right. Maybe we should call a truce. Deal?

Deal.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

-You're good.
-You're good.