01x08 - Death Spiral Smackdown

[bunniefuu]

Prepare yourselves, dingoes!

It's time for my annual
fitness challenge week!

This year, forget about
push-ups and sit-ups.

It's time for bruises,
sprains, and freak accidents!

I present

the death spiral smack down!

Well, say what you
will about her,

but she knows how
to bring the sizzle.

Why do you call it
the death spiral?

I mean... doesn't look
so scary to me.

Why don't I have
vice principal Cochran

demonstrate for you?

[ Laughter ]

It's not broken!
Walk it off!

S-so how does it work?

You wrestle your opponent
as it spins you silly.

It'll test your strength,
reflexes,

and ability to hold your bladder
against centrifugal force!

Ha ha ha!

What do you think, Leo?
Can you handle it?

Well, my bladder's strong,
but just to be safe,

I'm sticking to dark
gym shorts.

I myself will be wearing
a full-body diaper.

In the face of fear, you never
know where you're gonna leak from.

If you have the guts,
partner up,

and choose carefully.

Your survival depends
on the decision you make,

and there are very
few good options!

Ha ha ha!

Well, Leo, every year
we lose the fitness challenge,

but this year,
we're gonna do it in style.

I don't want to brag, but...

I totally earned
the sewing merit badge.

Listen, gordo,
I don't want to have a cape.

I want to be a winner,
so this year,

we're going
in a different direction.

Yes.re?

But by "we," I mean not you.

I'm going
with someone else.

Oh. I see.

That's okay because
most of the school

would give their right
hand to be my partner.

I'm sorry, gordo,
but with my new partner,

I'm gonna win this thing.

[ Snarky chuckle ]

You're gonna try this
again?

Last year you threw
your back out

picking your wedgie!

Ha ha ha!

Well, this year's
gonna be different

because I have
a secret w*apon.

Oh, what is it?

You.

Ah, that is a good secret.

I didn't even
know about it!

Narrator: The world's
first bionic superhumans.

They're stronger than us,

faster, smarter...

The next generation
of the human race is...

Living in my basement?

♪♪

All: Aaaahhh!

After school today is the big
death spiral smack down.

Me and Adam are gonna
unleash the fury!

You guys gonna come watch?

We'd love to, but we're
gonna go to the mall

and check out
the escalator.

I finally mastered the art

of stepping off
without tripping.

Ooh, um, were we
supposed to do that today?

sh**t, I-I can't make it.

I have a really big
test to study for.

What?

[ Sighs ] Okay, fine.

I just hope those old ladies
are there again

to clap for me.

Never had
this cereal before.

No, Leo!

Those are power pellets.

I don't care
what they're called,

as long as they make
my milk chocolaty.

No.

They're bite-sized pieces
of adrenalin

that activate our bionics.

We don't eat them anymore

because we learned how
to activate them ourselves.

They taste like dog treats

without the livery aftertaste.

I'm guessing.

I guess I'll just
have these.

Careful, Leo!

Those are powdered sugar
cookie donut o's.

Studies have shown they slow
down your brain activity.

[ Gasps ] Yummy powdered
sugar cookie donut o's!

So, Adam,

here is our smack down
game plan.

I will distract everyone

while you use your bionics
to crush our opponents.

I'm sorry, Leo,
bionics are for missions.

Using them for a school
competition would just be wrong.

But...

You ha to use
your bionics!

It's the whole reason
I chose you!

It's the w*apon part
of our secret w*apon!

Oh, bummer!

You thought I was
gonna use bionics,

and then you blew off
your old buddy gordo.

Coulda had yourself
a green cape, dude.

Oh, Adam, let me
help you out with that.

What are you doing?
You're ruining my cereal!

Oh, am I? Let's...

Oh, yeah, you're right.
That is not milk.

Here, let me fix that.

There ya' go.

There.

Eat up, teammate.

I can't eat this!

Not without a spoon!

Oh, yeah.

[ School bell rings ]

What is Bree
still doing here?

She said she had
to study for a test.

Yeah, she's not
studying for a test.

[ Whooshing sound ]

So, Bree, I was thinking
we could go to the park

and fish spare change
out of the fountain.

Last week, I made
a buck seventy-three!

Whatever we do,
I have to avoid my brother.

I totally ditched him
to hang out with you guys!

She lied to me!

Wow. Millions of dollars
of technology

for you to get a tiny
grasp of the obvious.

She thinks she can just ditch
me and get away with it?

Ohh. She is going down.

Mr. Davenport gave me
an override app

so in an emergency
situation,

I can take over Adam
and Bree's bionics.

[ Whirring sound ]

Connect to Bree.

[ Laughter ]

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Why am I hitting myself?

[ Lwhoa! Er ]

Time to wake up, Bree!
Not sleepy anymore!

Wake up!

I was friends with
a self-slapper once.

I'm not going down
that road again!

[ Laughter ]

Man, that cereal's
really got me going!

I could bite the head
off a gazelle!

[ Comical growling ]

Great!
Let's focus that...

Disturbing energy
on winning!

Greetings, Leo.

I'll have you know that I
also found a secret w*apon...

A second-year senior

who will conquer you
and your freakish teammate.

Who?

I think he's talking
about that guy.

Nervous? I would be
if I were you.

They call him destructo.

I'm not nervous.

I have him.

Yeah. They call me Adam-o.

Man, I need a better name.

Listen up, you flabby,
weak underachievers!

Here's how this works...
Two teams face off.

First team thrown
off the platform loses.

Sudden death...
No second chances!

Short kid and doofus,

you're up against
spaghetti legs and bowl cut!

Let's get ready to spiral!

[ Applause ]

Stupid thing's broken!

[ Imitates air horn ]

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Leo!

Way to stick the landing!
Ha ha! Next!

We won!

I am the death spiral
master!

Rrraaaahhhh!

He is the death spiral
master!

Whoo!

Uh, hey, guys.

Sorry about earlier.
It's this new school...

It's got me
all slap-happy.

[ Whirring sound ]

That's okay. We all
have our moments.

Great.
[ Speaking gibberish ]

Bree, you're having
a lot of moments!

No, it's just, um,
I speak Swedish.

[ Speaking Spanish ]

A-and Spanish.
[ Nervous chuckle ]

S'up, ladies?
How y livin'?

[ Speaking Swedish ]

I don't know what happened.
She wasn't this weird last week!

You did this to me.

You're using that stupid
override app.

Yep, because you lied
to me.

Well, since you used
bionics on me,

I'm gonna use mine on you.

And beware.

It's coming when you
least expect it.

Ooh! Those are big words
coming from

the manly Spanish-
speaking Swede.

Come on! Come on!

Yes! Whoo-hoo!

If they ask
at the hospital,

that did not happen
on school grounds!

You just keep getting
better and better!

I know, and I'm not
even trying!

All right, chase, time for
a little bionic revenge.

Aah! What the...?

You will pay for this!

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter ]

I want that tail!

This is it...
The final showdown.

Who'd have thought
you'd make it?

A 90-pounder like you should
have eaten it in round two.

Yeah, tell him!

Shut it,
little orphan Annie!

Come on!

[ Imitates air horn ]

Seriously?

Will!

Tell my mom I love her!

[ Spectators react ]

[ Celebrating ]

That's it? No way!

We're too pumped for
this thing to end!

I want more! More! More!

Leo!

What's going on with Adam?

Oh, he's just a winner,
like me.

Me and Adam winners.

I didn't do anything.

Did you give him
power pellets?

Just one...

Bowl.

What? Too many
of those pellets

will keep his
adrenaline going!

It'll snowball, and he won't be
able to turn his bionics off!

Doesn't matter now.
We won!

Now, on to the finals!

The what?

There can only be
one true winner

of the death spiral
smack down,

so tomorrow
we go mano-a-mano.

Gentleman,

your teammate
is now your enemy!

I need to go
[ Against him?]

Rrraaaahhhh!

Yep. So you go home
and get your rest.

I'm gonna go home
and get my camera.

Hey, Leo, do I seem
a little jittery to you?

Huh? Do I? Answer me!

Well, jittery, no.

Completely maniacal
and full of rage, maybe.

Oh, I need to sit down.

I'm hungry! Oh, I need
some more of that yummy cereal.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!

No more cereal.

Why not?

Because...
We're out of milk.

No we're not.

It's right... here.

Okay. We're out.

Hey, it's the little
drummer boy.

It's all that was left
in the lost and found.

And the hat?

It's part of the ensemble.

You can't break up the set!

Come on, Bree,
you have to help me!

I need to go against
Adam tomorrow,

and he's like a big,
strong, goofy Godzilla,

and I'm Tokyo!

What's the big deal?
Just quit!

I can't just quit.

The whole school is expecting
me to take on Adam tomorrow,

and if I quit,
I'll just be humiliated.

More humiliated.

If I wanted to lose,
I could have just

stuck with gordo
and kept a friend.

The pellets will
wear off eventually,

but until they do,
just keep an eye on him

and make sure he doesn't
destroy the whole house.

Can somebody help me
put this back on?

Whoever claimed
the drum major uniform

yesterday from
the lost and found,

it's not yours!

Give it back!

All those clothes,
and you couldn't find

something
to cover your face?

Go ahead.
Try to humiliate me.

I have 36 items
of clothing on.

Why would I try?
You're humiliating yourself.

Yeah? Well,
the tin man called.

He wants his neck back.

It's to deflect
your stupid app

from connecting
to my chip.

It's the heavy duty kind
they use in restaurants.

[ Laughter ]

Look what you've done.

Everyone
thinks we're weirdoes.

Hey, it's your fault
for lying and ditching me.

I-I didn't want to hurt
your feelings.

Katelyn's the first real
friend I've ever had.

Just 'cause I want
to hang out with her

doesn't mean I like you
any less.

Yeah, well, I have
other friends too now, so...

That's great. I mean, you should
go hang out with them sometimes.

Yeah, I don't really have
other friends.

But I'm gonna go get some.

Good.

Oh, and before you do that,

you might want to lose
a layer or two.

Yeah, and you might want to
lose the baked potato neck.

So, as it turns out,

Adam is too sick
to compete.

Such a shame. I guess that
means I'm the winner.

"Winner, party of Leo,
your trophy's ready."

Sick? He can't be sick!

He's supposed to be here
to annihilate you

so I can run you up the
flagpole and salute failure!

Adam is so sick,
he can... barely move.

Hey, what gives?

Who locked me in here?

[ Gasps ] Leo!

What was he thinking?

I coulda missed
the smack down!

It pains me deep to my core
to say this,

but the winner
by default is...

[ Stammering ]

Ahuh?

Sorry I'm late,
principal Perry.

Somebody locked me
in my cap... bedroom.

But I just had a gigantic
bowl of my favorite cereal,

so now I'm ready to compete,
crush, and destroy.

That's the dingo spirit!

Bring on the pain!

Whoo!

But wait, no!

We're like brothers.

Oh. Good point.

Um... well, then, I guess I
will crush and destroy you

as gently as possible while still
crushing and destroying you.

I bought a new one! Ha!

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Gasps and shrieks ]

Whoo-hoo!

Let's go! I'm paying these
paramedics by the hour!

Break something already!

Ohh!

Hey, hey!

Tickle-tickle!

Faster! Faster!

Aah! Stupid thing's
broken!

[ Audibly exerting ]

Hey!

You're not helping!

I'm not trying!

No, no, no!
Not again! Not again!

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Countdown to launch
in ten...

Nine... eight...

Seven...

Eight! Nine!

Ten!

Wait, stop!
Messing me up!

Adam ate a whole bowl
of power pellets!

He's gonna turn Leo into
a human wrecking ball

if we don't stop him from
finishing his countdown!

Nineteen!

Twenty!

Quick, use
your override app!

It's only for emergencies!

This is an emergency!

Twenty-four!

Twenty-five! Dam!

[ Speaking woozily ]

Wait, why... why aren't
I destroying you?

I... don't... know...
But...

What I do know is...

Aaahhhh!

I win!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Are you kidding me?

Life was so much
more gratifying

when I was
a prison guard!

Here.

[ Mockingly ]
Con-grat-u-la-tions.

Way to go, Leo.

I was secretly rooting
for you to win.

You were not.

Sure I was.

I even sewed you
this victory cake

because when
one loser wins,

we all get bumped
up a notch.

Oh.

Oh, right. Exactly.

That's why I did it.

I mean, I had you
in mind the whole time.

[ Cow! G ]

Watch it! That's
my sewing hand!

Hey, chase told me
about the power pellets!

Leo, I told you, I didn't
want to use bionics.

You took advantage
of me, Leo.

I'm sorry. I just...
I really wanted to win.

I didn't mean for it
to hurt our friendship.

Yeah, well, it did, and
nothing's going to fix it.

You can have my
victory cape.

Buddy!

Ooh!

[ Imitates airplane engine ]

Wait. So you can control what
I do from across the room.

The override app
is pretty cool, huh?

So you're the one that's been making
me do stupid stuff all these years.

No, that's all you.

Don't do it again.

I have a hard enough time
controlling myself.

Okay, but... that means
I can't ever do this.

Connect to Adam.

[ Whirring and plinking sounds ]

Ooh! Make me do
the chicken dance!

Adam, I disconnected.

I know, but it's just
too much fun!