02x08 - Armagedroid/Killgore

[bunniefuu]

[Jenny]
♪ 5:00, get a call
to go blading ♪

♪ at the skate park
down by the mall, ♪

♪ but my mom says ♪

♪ I gotta prevent
hostile aliens ♪

♪ from annihilating us all. ♪

Hyah!

♪ With the strength
of a million and 70 men, ♪

♪ I guess I really
shouldn't complain. ♪

♪ Still, I wish I could
go for a walk ♪

♪ without rusting
in the rain. ♪

♪ It's enough
to fry my brain. ♪

♪ So welcome to my life
as a teenage robot, ♪

♪ the story of my life
as a teenage robot. ♪

♪ My teenage robot life. ♪

slap!

slap!

[chomping]

[chomping]

Next.

You're not even
trying, XJ9.

I b*at them,
didn't I?

Yes, but your mind
was off at the skate rink

or the jukebox hall

or wherever you kids
hang on these days.

"Hang out."

You need to be ready
for anything.

There are creatures
more advanced than you.

Can we save the speech
and get on with it already?

Wait, how did you know
to take out your bow saw?

Please, Mother.

You've done the End
of the World Gelatin Mishap

and the Cannibalistic
Android att*ck.

The only thing left is
the Terrorizing Timberwolves.

[sawing]

So you know everything,
is that it?

I have nothing left
to teach you.

Finally,
we agree on something.

Ooh, and to think
I labored with that child

for nine months--
or was it ten?

[sirens blaring]

What on Earth?

Or what inEarth?

[rumbling]

[expl*si*n]

[bubbling]

Give you a nickel
to go in there.

[Jenny]
They make people
get a license

to drive and to fish.

But any old person
with a screwdriver

can be a parent.

I know.

It's like my dad
was never a kid himself.

Like he hatched
already old and unhip

and smelling of hickory.

I mean, please,

I've been fighting crime
for how long now?

What could she possibly
have to teach me?

[man over radio]
Giant creature...

Path of unparalleled
destruction...

[radio crackling]

Nation's defenses useless!

It can't be.

That was over 20 years ago.

It just can't be.

[ringing]

XJ9, you must come
straight home.

Why, for another round
of target practice?

XJ9, this is serious.

I've been monitoring
worldwide transmissions--

[muffled speech]

[muffled yelling]

He's headed this way.

But you cannot fight him.

He's far too powerful,
and I'm afraid--

You spent $75 on barrettes?

You don't even have hair.

XJ9!

[muffled]
XJ9!

You're gonna be
in big trouble.

The last time I bagged
someone's head--

I-I've never bagged
someone's head.

Whatever it is,
I can handle it.

[people screaming]

[doors slamming]

[screaming]

[frustrated sigh]

Let's see what it is
this time.

[metal creaking]

Okay, buddy,
what seems to--

be...the...

problem?

[ominous music]

Uhh...

can I help you?

slam!

I walk the path of justice.

Woe to anyone
who stands in my way.

[crashing]

Jenny, you okay?

[groaning]

That was awesome.

Do it again.

What the heck was that?

That was
Armagedroid.

He's the most technologically
advanced creature

on the planet.

He was built for combat,

and you cannot
defeat him alone.

Believe me, I know.

He just caught me by surprise.

The bigger they are,
the harder they fall.

XJ9, no!

plink!

Where did you go?

What is this?

Dirt and an old bottle cap?

And how much did you spend
on that, young lady?

[metal creaking]

[tapping]

Excuse me,
skyscraper-head.

But you need to clean
up this mess

before you become
a part of it.

You foolishly reveal
yourself as a w*apon?

You must be destroyed.

Right, right.

Another villain
with a chip on his shoulder.

Villain?

I am Armagedroid.

My purpose is noble.

My mission is pure.

I will not rest until I have rid
this planet of weaponry.

I am the peacemaker.

Now, perish!

clamp!

Hey, I was using that!

whoosh!

[whistling through air]

crash!

You can do it,
Jenn.

She's a goner, huh?

Oh, yeah.

[laser humming]

[metallic winding]

snap!

Jenny's in real trouble.

We need reinforcements.

[crackling]

crash!

I'm sorry, Mom.

I should have listened.

You have no reason to mourn.

Your destruction makes
this world a safer place.

Round one,
fire!

[clanging]

Fire round two!

[splashing]

[metallic creaking and winding]

[popping]

Ahh!

My best shirt!

His mom's gonna k*ll him.

clang!

I told you not
to bag your mom's head.

What goes around
comes around.

[metallic rustling]

[knocking]

You'd better have
a good excuse, young--

[gasps]

I've done all I can.

All that's left
is to hook her up

to a generator

and hope.

I can't help
but blame myself.

How could this
be your fault?

It's not like you
created Armagedroid

and unleashed it
upon the world.

Or were you about
to tell us a little story?

[Wakeman]
I was a volunteer
in Skyway Patrol

during the first
intergalactic w*r.

Earth was under
constant alien att*ck.

We created a planetary
defense system

and gave it a single objective:

Destroy all weapons
that came its way.

Armagedroid ended
the alien onslaught.

The world cheered.

But I grew uneasy.

Armagedroid was too driven,

too single-minded.

Armagedroid became
restless in peacetime

and began to seek out
other weapons--

our own weapons--
to destroy.

I couldn't stop my creation,

but I was able to trick him.

I warned him not to take out
our ultimate w*apon,

a molten magma b*mb housed
in the center of the Earth.

He tunneled to the Earth's
molten core.

We assumed he had melted.

We were wrong.

Boy, you sure
were on a lot

of magazine covers
back then.

Oh, you don't know
the half of it.

Remind me to show you

myScience Friction
swimsuit issue sometime.

[both]
Eww.

[Wakefield]
I started the XJ line of robots
to replace Armagedroid,

not fight him.

But he needs to be stopped

before someone
loses their life.

[humming]

Happy birthday!

Jenny!

Oh, thank goodness
my little girl is all right.

I'm sorry I wouldn't
listen to you, Mom.

Well, if you're ready
to listen now,

I've got a plan.

[rumbling]

Frolicking humans,

relinquish your weapons.

[metal creaking]

smash!

Spork neutralized.

Your efforts
are fruitless.

Nothing will stop
my noble mission.

Noble?
Please.

What good is saving people
from weapons

if you hurt people
in the process?

Your interference
can no longer be abided.

This ends now.

Not while I still have
artificial breath in my body.

fwoom!

[dull explosions]

snap!

[whistling through air]

[drill whining]

clang!

[buzzing]

snap!

Hurry up, XJ9.

We're running out of time.

[Jenny]
I'm doing the best
I can, Mother.

Come on, you overgrown
bulldozer.

I'll fight you down
to my last w*apon.

So be it.

[both gasp]

[beeping]

Oh, no, you don't.

crash!

Villains--
you're so predictable.

What reason
have you to smile?

If you'd paid attention,

you'd have seen
that last w*apon

was a protonic
expl*sive device

set to self-destruct.

My mom's so darn smart.

Enjoy the fireworks.

[expl*si*n]

I will liberate the Earth,

even if I must destroy it
to do so.

Thanks, Mom.

I guess you do still

have one or two
things to teach me.

Yeah, Mrs. Wakeman.

That was the b*mb.

Of course it was a b*mb.

That was my whole plan, silly.

No, I mean,
you're the man.

Oh, am I getting
that mustache again?

No, I'm saying
you're phat.

Fat, am I?

At least my head's not
the size of a watermelon.

I'm not dissing you,
I think that you're dope.

A dope, am I?

Well, I don't think
they put dopes

on the cover
ofHot Fusion Magazine.

It's a compliment.

Your moves out there
were def.

[rasping deeply]
Beware.

slam!

I am Killgore,

the supreme, the merciless,

ravager of kingdoms!

[bell dinging]

I am the destroyer of worlds.

The rankest compound
of villainous--

[pitch rising]
villainous--

villainous--

odor that ever
offended a nostril.

Good morning,
Killroy.

That's Killgore.

And you meanevil morning,

for it is the dawn of doom,

for I am the scourge of man.

I am--

[girl]
The cutest thing ever!

No! Did you not hear
my diatribe?

Can you not read my label?

It clearly states that I am--

[all]
The cutest thing ever!

[squealing]

[girl]
He's mine.
Tell them that you're mine!

Aha, in this chaos,
I shall make good my escape.

[evil laughter]

Now where should
a sinister robot

find allies for his
sinister purpose?

[doorbell rings]

Yes, can we help--

you?

I would like to destroy mankind.

[laughter]

Okay, let's see here.

You're ten inches tall.

Ten and a half.

Right; and you're powered
by a watch spring.

Correct.

Do you have
any weapons?

Of course.

[clicking]

Hmm, usually all we require
is A: a robot,

and B: you want
to destroy mankind.

But now we have
a brand-new policy.

You must be at least this tall
to destroy mankind.

[laughter]

Mock me for my size,
do you?

Well, from this acorn

a mighty oak
of evil shall grow.

I shall prove myself
worthy of the cause.

[laughter]

What if I capture the XJ9?

[laughter]

Capture XJ9, and we'll
make you our leader.

Agreed.

Beware, XJ9.

You will be mine.

[man]
Before class ends, I have
a quick quiz for you all.

Remember, no one
can use a calculator

except Miss XJ9,
who is a calculator.

[all groaning]

[Killgore]
Surrender!

Well, aren't you cute,
little fella?

Smack!

I am Killgore,

and I am here to destroy you.

[giggles]

That's nice,
but I'm in the middle

of something right now,
so maybe later, okay?

[rapid winding]

[screeching]

Beware my wrath!

[whirring]

snap!

Ow!
Surrender.

clunk!

[cracking]

Surrender!

clong!

You know, you're really
making a pest of yourself.

[bell rings]

[man]
All right, class,

turn in your quizzes.

But I didn't finish.

I didn't even start.

Sorry, Miss XJ9.

Perhaps if you hadn't
been playing with toys.

Oh, why,
that stupid little--

Surrender!

Hey, Jenn,
how's it going?

Terrible.

clang!

[Killgore]
Surrender!

This fellow
won't leave me alone.

I will not eat.

[voice lowering]
I will not sleep.

I...will...not...
stooooop.

What do you know?
He stopped.

Thank goodness.

What a pest.

[girl]
He's just darling!

[all squealing]

He is absolutely precious.

And he's got a wind-up key.

[slowly]
I--

I--

I will destroy you!

[giggling]

I love him.

Well, then
you can keep him.

[Killgore]
This isn't over.

Killgore will not stop
until you surrender.

[yawning]

What a beautiful morning.

Good morning, XJ9.

Good morning, Mother.

Surrender!

clang!

Surrender.

Surrender.

Surrender.

Surrender.

Surrender.

[winding]

Surrender.

Surrender.

You've got--
Surrender.

Surrender.

pow!

splash!

[metallic jangling]

slam!

[whinnying]

[winding]

Surrender.

Surrender.

Surrender.

Surrender.

Surrender.

Surrender.

[Killgore echoing]
Surrender!

Ahh!

Su--

Ahh!

--prise?

He's--he's everywhere.

He could be in this cake

or in this punch

or in this present.

Cahh!

clong!

crash!

Told you she'd be surprised.

[Brad]
Wow, Jenny, you gotta relax.

You're going to pieces.

How can I?

Everywhere I turn,
it's, "Surrender,

surrender, surrender!"

Most villains give up
after 10 or 20 failures.

Surrender!

[crashing]

I just don't get it.

Why does everybody like him?

He's an annoying little punk.

Surrender.

[laughter]

[Brad]
So is Tuck.

Surrender.

[laughter]

But everybody likes him.

Annoying plus small
equals popular.

That's one equation
that does not compute.

[stomping]

Surrender!

All right, Killgore.

That's it.

The kid gloves are off.

Stop!
How could you?

What kind of
a heartless freak

would hurt such
an adorable creature?

I shall eviscerate
your bowels.

You're a total freak,
Jenny,

a freak!

[wailing]

It's not fair.

If I fight him, I lose.

And if I don't fight him,
I lose.

How can I b*at a villain
who's more popular than me?

There, there, XJ9.

Things will look better
in the morning.

[scraping]

Raugh!

It's the middle
of the night.

Everyone's asleep.

[whispering]
Everyone's asleep.

That means
there's no one to see.

thunk!

The questions now
are what w*apon to use

and what dumpster
to leave the pieces in.

[light beeping]

Killgore fears nothing!

No--whaa!

Oof.

[grunting]

[strained grunting]

I can't do it.

I can't destroy
a defenseless creature

no matter how annoying it is.

Okay, little fella.

What's it going to take
to get you off my back?

Killgore will accept
nothing less

than your complete
and utter surrender.

When Killgore hands you
to the Cluster,

they'll see he is a force
to be reckoned with,

not belittled, not humiliated,
but reckoned!

Sounds like the Cluster
were pretty hard on you.

Hmm.

Okay, little guy.

Jenny will surrender
to Killgore

tomorrow after school,
okay?

Victory is mine!

[all]
Killgore! Killgore! Killgore!

[cheering]

Crikey, Killgore.

How many people
did you tell about this?

Killgore has many admirers...

that he shall destroy!

I've arranged for
the Cluster to meet us here.

But before they show up,
ask yourself:

Wouldn't you rather
spend your life

with humans who like you

instead of robots that don't?

[all]
We love you, Killgore.

Killgore, yeah.

You rule.

You're the cutest thing ever.

Y-hoh! Where are the Cluster?

[bells ringing]

[electronic voice]
Greetings,
fellow robot.

Thank you
for capturing the XJ9.

We now totally won't mock you
or anything, and we'll, uh,

like, make you
our robot leader.

Isn't he a little small?

clong!

I mean--uh,

[electronic voice]
yeah, you can even
ride on my handlebars.

Please hand over XJ9.

[rumbling]

[blasting wind]

My bike!
Uh, I mean--

[electronic voice]
My bike.

Oh, give it up, Tuck.

Ungh!

The real Cluster.
But how?

Killgore arranged
for them to meet us.

Killgore is small.

Killgore is not stupid.

All right, shrimpy,
hand over XJ9.

Not so fast.

If you want Jenny,

you have to get through--

Ahh!

Sorry Jenny, gotta run.

Okay, peewee,
let's have her.

What about our deal?

Oh, yeah, right,
the whole, uh, leader thing.

Here's the new deal.

Hand over XJ9, and we'll
let you wax our spaceship.

What?
Killgore refuses.

Jenny was right.

Why would Killgore want
to join forces

with such
double-dealing tricksters?

Killgore did in two days

what they couldn't do
in two years.

Killgore is too good
for the Cluster.

He shall destroy mankind
without them.

Ehh, yeah, that's nice,

but I'm afraid the Cluster
don't take "no" for an answer.

Hand over XJ9.

You are making a grave mistake.

If I become your enemy,

I will not stop
until you are destroyed.

We'll take our chances.

pop!

clang!

[laughing]

Killgore!

Wait, why didn't
I think of that?

Whuhh!

Let's go.

Queen Vexus is waiting.

[laughs wickedly]

No!

[clanging]

Kids with wind-up keys?

I'm on it.

[laser blasting]

Yikes!

[winding]

ding!

click

Hey, Killgore,

what should we do
with those big jerks?

Killgore has an idea.

Uh-oh.

[whinnying]

[crowd cheering]

Nice work, Killgore.

Put 'er there.

Smack!

Make no mistake.

Killgore is still a villain
through and through.

Black is his heart
and sinister his purpose.

And once Killgore
crushes the Cluster,

he shall return
to destroy mankind.

Put me down!

[all]
Aww, he's so cute.

No!

Did you not hear
my diatribe?

Can you not read my tag?

I am not cute!

I am Killgore!

Killgore!

[rock music]

♪ ♪