07x07 - Smashton

[bunniefuu]

[Ashton] Previously, on Below Deck...

Tonight I want Courtney to show you
how to do breakfast pull

because you're gonna be
late snacks charter.

I'm excited about being on service

because I've mostly been
doing housekeeping and stuff.

I have a lot to learn on service.
I'm ready.

I think I just need to quit.

I've got your passport
along with your share of the tip.

Thank you very much.

Yachting's not for quitters.

-Get home safe and all the best.
-Bye.

****ing hell. I'm feeling like dog ****.

Come on, man. Are you ****ing done?

[Lee] Tanner's really sick,
Abbi's leaving.

I mean, Christ,
they're dropping like flies.

We can't afford to lose anyone else,
or we're ****ed.

I'm bummed that I can't go out tonight.

We can trade places.
I'll take your illness for you, Tanner.

I'm sad that Tanner's
not coming out tonight

because he is so hot.

No! I don't wanna do this!

I love you but not that way!

I wish we had, like, girls

that are just wanting to ****ing have fun
and bang.

I'm ****ing tired of working so hard
to get my **** sucked.

[horn blowing]

[opening theme song playing]

[alarm ringing]

[Ashton] ...man. I don't even remember
coming home.

I kissed Courtney last night.

Oh, my God. What happened last night?

[Ashton] Sh** went down last night, bru.

[Lee] Morning.

-Jesus Christ, don't do that to me, girl.
-Sorry.

-Oh, my God.
-I thought I was loud.

Wanna come cuddle?

[Simone] It's time to go iron.

Exhale, Simone.

Good morning, lover boy.

-How are you, Kate?
-Great.

Good morning, Kate.

Ew.

Kate, how did you and I
hook up last night?

We did not hook up last night.
You put your tongue in my mouth.

That's all that happened,
and let's stop saying it.

I'm not sure where my head was at
when I kissed Kate.

I love you, but not in that way.

But I know that when there's
a few drinks involved,

that wasn't me. That was Smashton.

That's the way Smashton operates.
I don't know.

See you later. Get out of here, go away.

-Do you wanna start this side?
-That's cool.

-Yeah?
-Yeah, whatever side you want.

I'm ready to go this morning.
I feel like a new person.

Sleep's exactly what I needed.
Thailand steroids are starting to kick in.

I'm excited to get out and get back to it.
Here you go, brother.

[Kate] I don't want to play
this yachting game anymore.

I wanna play...

Ashton put his tongue in my mouth.

It's a little awkward.
I look at Ashton as a brother,

and I'm not that kind of family.

-[Tanner] How's everyone feeling today?
-[Kate] Great, how are you feeling?

-So much better than all of you.
-Nope.

-Ashton put his tongue in my mouth.
-No way. How was that?

[Kate] Ew.

[Tanner] Disgusting.

-Court, any magic happen?
-Absolutely not.

-Brian put his tongue in her mouth.
-He did not. It was a peck.

-You two are cute.
-So cute.

-A hundred percent.
-Again, never gonna happen.

I don't know how I feel about Brian.
I don't know, I suppose I'm a bit picky,

but not really... I mean, yeah, I am.

-You have to make babies.
-Yeah. Absolutely.

Like, did I cringe
or do I wanna kiss him again?

-Those are the two options.
-Hey, Courtney.

-Katie-boo-boo.
-How you feeling?

-Fine.
-You look good.

♪ Boiling water ♪

[Kate] You'll go do the master,
and you'll get laundry going.

One of you on the hose,
one of you on the brush.

[Tanner] Perfect.

-Do you guys need anything while I'm up?
-No, thank you.

Well, I was trying to stay
inside a little bit longer,

but, damn,
you guys can't even do that for me.

-OMG, Tanner's totally my type.
-No!

I promise you, it was like...

I just have to focus on breathing
when he's around.

Oh, my God, that's so funny.

Heard you both locked some lips
last night.

[boys laughing]

[sighs]

Simone, I'm gonna have you on lates,
so it's gonna be more service than normal.

I'm gonna be earlies,
Courtney's gonna be middle.

OMG! Like, thank you!

What parts of service
would you like to work on?

-What do you think I need to work on?
-How are you at opening a bottle of wine?

[Simone] Uh...

I actually really appreciate the fact
that Simone is showing initiative.

It's like we're a sports team,

and you got somebody who's,
like, "Put me in, Coach."

They're on the B string,
they're not on the A squad.

I don't know sports.

Basically I don't want
to crush Simone's soul.

-Let's go upstairs.
-Thanks.

For ****'s sake, Kevin.

♪ Put your hand in the boiling water
Just burn yourself ♪

[Kevin] Right?

Let's see your skills.

[Simone] I haven't opened a bottle of wine
in a long time.

That step is slightly unnecessary,

because you're just gonna carve
the foil off.

-[Simone] Exactly. Is this okay?
-[Kate] You go under the lip.

-No, but...
-Yep, do it without using the counter.

-Really? Can I... No.
-No.

Okay.

The fact that Simone does not even know

how to open a bottle of wine
is a little troubling.

-So like that?
-No.

Her resume says
she's worked on yachts for a year.

No one drank on that boat?

Well, hold on. It's easiest if you get

-the point facing down.
-Okay.

-I always start with the first one...
-Like a full one...

...just to get it going.
And then pull the trigger.

-All right. Now let's do pouring.
-Okay.

Kate, I need you,
Ashton, and Kevin in the crew mess

-for a preference sheet meeting.
-Copy for Kevin.

-Copy.
-Copy.

-See you in a little bit.
-Okay.

Most of my yachting experience
is in terms of laundry

and, like, doing housekeeping,

so I wish that I could get the time of day
for a full service lesson.

But all I was shown was
how to open a bottle of wine.

Which is great, but, like, hello?

That's so annoying.

-Hi.
-How we doing?

-Hi, Cap.
-Good.

Okay, Michael Blackton. He's got
his own helicopter charter business

He met most of his closest friends

while attending the nation's
most infamous party school,

-Florida State.
-I know Florida State people.

The only major there is drinking beer.

[all laughing]

It's true.

I don't think there's any employer
that's like, "Oh, Florida State, wow."

He and his college pals
are all single and ready to party.

And they say that we are not prepared
for what is going to transpire on board.

I'm only using red Solo cups,

because that's
what Florida State people like.

Day one, they want lunch on the beach
and a college-style party

with garnet and gold decorations.

And they want Jell-O sh*ts, so gross.

Day two, pirate theme day on the yacht.

And they want us to speak
to them in pirate lingo.

And they want you to come up with
another theme dinner of your creation.

-[Kate] They're gonna party a lot.
-It's gonna be full-on,

and we're gonna be down an individual.

-Fine.
-How's Tanner doing?

He's nearly 100 percent, he's good.

-It's imperative that we have him back.
-Yeah.

Going into this charter short-handed,

a lot can go wrong.

But being bosun,
I need to have a calm exterior,

even though inside I'm pretty nervous.

All right, we're done.

-Bye!
-Thanks, Cap.

Hi, it's Kate from Valor again.

I need a few more things
for the next charter.

I need tailgate, college party décor.

[wincing] **** God damn it.

Pirate-themed hats, wigs, hooks.

It's very important
that you get a pirate hook.

Yo, you think we're gonna have to wear
pirate hats and eye patches and ****?

[Brian sighs]

-[Courtney] Honestly.
-[Simone] What are you doing?

-[Courtney] I don't know.
-[Simone] There's no crease there.

-[Courtney] Don't look over here.
-[l] Well, I have to look over there,

because those are my clothes.

It's just like an iron
that's malfunctioning at the moment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, slightly. When she tries
to iron, it doesn't steam up.

-There you go.
-Did you know about that...

-Did you know about the button?
- I was asking about the button.

-Did you know about the button?
-[Courtney] Yeah!

[Lee] Oh, yeah, check this out.

First thing you iron is the collar.

It's really quite simple.
Here's what I need.

You wanna make sure
you iron the seams as well.

You guys, this is an honor and a privilege
to be learning from the best.

Now we're cookin'.

-[Brian] ****, my knee's sore.
-Hi.

-You think you're gonna fall asleep now?
-Maybe.

[Ashton] How's your tongue doing
after your attack last night?

[Kate] It recoiled into the back
of my throat briefly.

-Jesus!
-[Kate] Oh, shut up.

[Brian sighs] My knee.

[Kevin] Jiminy Cricket.

[Ashton] Brian, when you're ready
let's meet on the aft deck.

I can't be bothered.

-Let's do this thing.
-Let's do it!

Well, boys,
it's just us for this charter,

so we're gonna have to pull through.

-We got this.
-I'm excited.

Should be fun.

You know, I just want us to get the boat
looking nice and sharp. Let's do it.

Yeah, boys.

Where'd these all come from?

Took them all off
'cause it's getting a bit windy.

Don't want them to fly off
when we're underway.

-I'm reading what you're writing.
-Sweet.

Smelling what you're stepping in,
you know?

[Brian] ****, that thing that
I hit my knee on,

it got a little skin off,
skin came off of it.

**** God damn it.

I don't know what's going on
but it's all swollen and ****ing sore.

[Tanner] Yeah,
you got a nice little bubble.

[Brian] My knee is hurting a little bit.

I'm not too sure what's happening with it.

-Simmy-Sims.
-Hey.

-What happened?
-I hit my knee.

-It's ****ing swollen and sore.
-Oh, so it's inflamed.

I can still walk on it, still do my job.

I just can't focus 100 percent
on what I'm doing.

I hope the pain goes away soon.
I just don't need that on deck.

All crew, all crew,
provisions are on the dock.

I wanna hire day workers
just to carry on provisions.

Thank you.

[Kate] Yay, Florida!

My knee!

-I love beef jerky.
-It's not bull tongue.

-Thank you so much.
-[Kate] "Tito's vodka is life." Oh, God.

Anyone who says "blank"
is life, it's a red flag.

Attention all crew,


All righty, guys,
let's start with a good attitude.

[Brian] The universe is testing us,
I think.

One person down,
my knee is starting to hurt.

"Let's see what the boys got."

[Kate] This carpet looks fine.
Let's go change real quick.

-And I think we're done.
-Sweet.

[Tanner] Jesus Christ,
I'm already dripping with sweat.

Attention all crew, attention all crew,
we got about four minutes to show time.

-[Ashton] You look pretty.
-[Courtney] No, I don't.

-[Kate singing]
-[Lee laughing]

[Kevin] Gonna knock this one
outta the park, brother?

-Yeah.
-Got a lot on your mind?

-We're one hand down.
-You're right.

-[Lee] And here they come.
-[Michael] You guys ready for this?

-Hope they got drinks waiting for us.
-[Lee] I need everybody back here now.

-Sims?
-Yeah, on my way.

Let's get ****ed up!
Hey, we're getting lit every night.

-Oh, Jesus, really?
-Yeah.

I'm not ready for these guys.

[woman] Oh, they have no idea
what's coming for them.

[Michael] You guys ready for this?

[woman] They have no idea
what's coming for them.

-Hi!
-Welcome aboard.

-Hello, everybody. Michael.
-Captain Lee.

-Kelly.
-Kelly, my pleasure.

-Nice to meet you.
-Shaely, so nice to meet you.

-Hi.
-Hi, Kelly.

-I'm well, how are you?
-Good.

-I'm Kim, nice to meet you.
-Hi, Kim, Ashton.

Woah!

Kimberly's beautiful, Patty's beautiful,

Kelly's beautiful, Shaely's beautiful.

This is gonna be a distracting charter.

I'm a good bosun, I'm a good bosun,
I am a good bosun.

-Welcome aboard Valor.
-Thank you.

So glad to have you on board.
We've got a fun few days for you,

so Kate is gonna give you
a tour of the boat

and then we'll get this party started.

Right this way, guys.
Just watch your step right here.

And we'll go to your room first.

[Ashton] All right,
let's get the luggage, guys.

I hope you like
your Florida State colored leis.

Oh, they're garnet and gold.

Holy ****! Stay focused, boys.

-So this is your master state room.
-Dope.

And your master bathroom.
Your toilet, that is remote-controlled.

That's perfect, because I don't wipe
my own butt. So this thing will do it.

[Kate] Now we'll go up to your sun deck.

-Oh, yes.
-Very cool.

And then we have
a really nice bunny pad.

-[Kelly] Bunny pad?
-Just let me know when they come up

and they're kinda starting to order drinks

-and everything, yeah?
-Cool beans.

[Kate] We'll have lunch on the beach
around 2:00.

-Awesome. I would love an Old Fashioned.
-Okay, sure.

Brian, you're on the bow.
You'll be on the stern with me, okay?

All right, let's do this.
Bow to stern, starting now.

-Copy, Cap.
-Pull it in! Come on, hurry up.

-Let's go, Brian.
-Just keep pulling.

-Let's go, next one.
-Let's go.

That's all lines on deck,
all lines on deck.

-Headed inside.
-Copy.

Good job, everybody. Well done.

-Thanks, Cap.
-Oh, my God, so ****ing hot.

This one right here.

-Ashton!
-Yes?

I was just wondering
when your shirt comes off.

[both giggling]

All right, who wants some sh*ts?

-Hello.
-Hi.

-Can we just get a vodka shot?
-For two?

Make, like, two extra, just in case...

-What does he seem like?
-Like he was in a fraternity

and, like, golfs on the weekends.

And he's got, like,
that Republican haircut.

-He does.
-Oh, yeah.

If you guys don't vote for Trump in 2020,

you're never getting invited
on a trip again.

So if you will go down
to laundry for a little bit...

-Can I change?
-Yeah, you can change. Thank you.

[Simone] I just learned how to make
an Old Fashioned.

Oh, where did they go?

-I don't know, you have to go find out.
-Does anyone want a drink?

Go out there, check there's food
that can be cleared,

-if there's an empty platter.
-Okay.

-Maybe they want a water.
-I just wanna see pirates.

-I wanna see pirates already.
-Pirates!

How come everyone else's boats
aren't this size? Are they...

[Michael] Peasants.
Peasant b*tches can't kiss kings.

[man] Yeah.

[Kate] You know, Simone says
she wants to improve on service,

but when I say "Go check on the guests,"
that doesn't mean just wander around.

She literally did not speak
to one of them.

-[Kate] How are they doing?
-[Simone] Good.

-They don't need any drinks or anything?
-No, they didn't say anything.

-Does anyone want a drink?
-All right, let's get into our blues.

-OMG here.
-Can I get a, like, a vodka-Sprite?

-Sure.
-Thank you.

-Sprite. Vodka.
-Okay, now you're gonna bring it to him,

then look at every guest and say,
"Can I get you anything?"

-"A water, champagne?"
-Okay.

-We never want them to ask us.
-Okay, I see. Thanks.

[Kate] Ugh.

-'Sup, bru.
-****

-What's wrong?
-My knee.

Simone, Simone...
All these drinks, I'm gonna be Simone-ing

-over the toilet tomorrow.
-OMG. Okay.

You like that one? Was that a good pun?

[whispers] Gross.

-Everyone else okay?
-Yes. Are you good?

-I'm good.
-Yes, she is.

[man] Simone's pretty cute.

[Courtney] That looks pretty gross.

I think you should have
an actual bandage, and not that.

-Oh, I love it, I love it. Like a plaster.
-Like a Band-Aid.

You don't know what a Band-Aid is?

-I'm gonna go change.
-Okay.

-What are you putting on it?
-Antibacterial.

-I wanna see those guests...
-Super happy.

-Like... And drinking.
-I was gonna say super hammered, but okay.

[Courtney] Stop touching it
with dirty fingers.

Thanks, Court. You're a legend.

Where have all the cowboys gone?
Where have all my polos gone?

It really surprises me sometimes
how good I am at cooking meat, you know?

Oh, I thought you were gonna say
how good I am.

Michael is fantasized
by American kind of steak house.

So we're just gonna do some smoky ribs,
chipotle beans, sweet potatoes.

My mouth's kind of watering now.

Your hair looks pretty.
Must have really spent time on that.

And your face looks well put on.

-"Put on?"
-Well, it normally does, but today, extra.

-Extra.
-Yeah.

Is she acting different today?

♪ Love is in the air ♪

[Kate] I just have a sore back,
so I'm, like, sleepy.

Oh, yeah?

So, are you gonna text Courtney
to marry you, or...

What the ****?

-Maybe it's just a glow.
-A glow.

-That I got from the sun yesterday?
-Yeah, he's the son of someone.

You better step up, send a GIF.

Where's the deck crew at
with their shirts off?

Well, we're both going
through a divorce and...

-Yeah, so not a bad view.
-But maybe...

But you're cutting free
from like the bad stuff, so enjoy.

Let's get lit.

Ready to drop the anchor.

[Ashton] Be on the way to the bar
to ready the anchor.

****, my knee, man.

When do you get to drink? Once the charter
is over, you guys get...

-Oh, yeah.
-... the day to go hang out and relax?

Simone, Simone.
Just wanna help you with the door.

Thank you, I thought
I was hearing things.

-No, it was me. I'm behind you.
-Here's your drink.

I was bringing my girlfriend,
but we broke up right before the trip.

I found that she was a hooker.

Oh, my God.

Come on, let me see your left hand.
What size is your ring finger?

-You're a six and a half.
-Oh, my God, Mike.

-I'm good at that.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-All right, on my mark, gimme four sh*ts.
-Copy, Cap, four sh*ts.

And drop.

-Simone, Simone.
-She going for the ****.

Stop there.
That's four sh*ts at the waterline.

-I think that's hooked, Captain.
-Roger that.

-Oh, my God, it's so beautiful.
-Oh, my God.

That main guy. I just... I can't deal.

He's like let me look at the size
of your wedding ring.

-Yeah, you're a six and a half.
-Jesus.

[Simone] I'm here tryin
to be professional...

Learning how to do service
and be like a well-rounded stew.

Meanwhile,
Michael is just being so creepy.

I'm out of air. I can't breathe.

Get me out of here.

[Courtney] I don't understand ironing.
It just re-wrinkled.

I wonder how it tastes. Not good.

-Is that a pickle?
-Cucumber.

-Aren't cucumbers pickles?
-No, I didn't know that.

You didn't?

-'Sup, bru?
-Hi, bro.

I kind of wanna go over
with Kate to put the food up.

Yeah, I'll take you on the initial run.

While you set the food up,
I'll go back to get the guests.

By the time we get the guests back,
then the food's set up. Does that work?

Yeah. I wish I did trust Kate
with serving a beach picnic,

but she's checked out
of the stewardessing side of things.

I was just waiting for Kate's call.
I'm ready to serve.

That's why I'm doing other stuff.
Let's find Kate.

You start on the right.
Oh, wait but they don't have plates.

-You all right?
-I'm good.

I need to manage it

because there's no aspect of Kate
that is a chief stew at all.

-Okay.
-Thanks very much.

-I'm gonna come over.
-Really?

-Go over and then come back.
-You really don't have to.

No, because I just don't wanna make
so much work for you.

-Cool.
-Yeah.

-Prosecco for you.
-I think, I'm gonna go with whiskey.

-I'll take a refill as well.
-Two of us should get onto the rev

while somebody starts to pack.

Yay, beach parties.

****ing knee!

[Lee] What'd he do to his leg?

[Ashton] That was actually
how hard he fell

for Courtney the other night.

sh*ts fired!

What you looking at, Shaely?

[Shaely] Ashton.

He asked me what I was looking at,
and I said you.

-Enjoy the view.
-I am, thank you.

-How's your knee?
-Yeah, it's ****ed.

Oh, good.

Oh, you smell delicious.
I just wanna lick you up and down.

Don't say that, that's weird.

g*ng's all here, Tito, Jack, and Jim.

Shaely's gonna love this.

-Here you go.
-Michael, this is yours.

Yes, ma'am, thank you.

You guys seeing this? This is insane.

Why is this whole ****ing
outfit so tight?

[Ashton] Today must be the hottest day.

Shaely, look,
he's trying to cool himself off.

[Kate] You're gonna do
the beach party with me.

I'm gonna go over and set up
and then you'll come over.

-Okay.
-And once all the guests are on the beach,

-Courtney will go on her break.
-Okay.

-I say we just go.
-Looking schnazzy.

[Kate] Valor, Valor,
we got Kate, Kevin, Ashton,

-and Brian off the boat.
-Roger that.

Oh, my God, it's so beautiful.
We have enough to live for a while.

[Kelly] So you guys have banana daiquiris?

-I'm not sure.
-Or could you make one?

-Okay, I'll try to make one for you.
-You don't have to if you can't.

All right, let's hustle. Hey, it's coming!

[Simone] She wants a banana daiquiri.

[Courtney] It's just a daiquiri
with bananas.

[Ashton] Yeah, but I don't know
how to make a daiquiri either.

[Ashton] Where would you
like your gazebos?

I guess right there.

-Up there in the shade.
-Really?

-We'll do it next to that one.
-That's good.

I just reckon if you go shade here,

and then it's gonna be all shade
all the way through there.

Fine, Kev,
let's do the things you wanna do.

-Yeah, bru, what about you, mate?
-Welcome to my life.

Usually I would like it
if a chef would at least show up

at a beach picnic to help carry
some dishes and participate.

Can you guys leave
a couple of chairs there?

I just need to plate up on something.

But Kevin is very OCD,
which makes everything more difficult.

-Can I have the cooler now?
-Yeah.

Jesus.

-Thank you so much.
-You're very welcome.

All right, Cap, we're coming back
to get the guests.

Roger that, thank you.

-That's a proper beach setup.
-Anyway, thank you.

Fancy. Delicious, too.

-Sorry.
-All right.

-Are you guys ready for us?
-I'm ready.

-Am I making you uncomfortable?
-Oh, man.

Just gonna do a pumpkin risotto.

-Are you talking about dinner right now?
-Yeah.

-Boats and hos.
-Boats and hos?

-Can we wait till we're...
-Yeah, I just want your opinion.

Done building a luxury lunch
on a remote island

in Thailand that I've never been to
with the guests on their way right now?

-Yeah.
-Okay, great.

-Oh, it's hot. I almost fell on my ass.
-Yeah, I know.

-Thank you.
-Oh, wow.

[Shaely] Oh, look at how
beautiful this is.

-[Kate] Hi, guys, welcome to lunch.
-Thank you.

-[Kevin] Who needs a drink?
-[Michael] I'll take a beer.

-Jack and diet, please.
-Anybody else want a Corona or a Singha?

-I'll do the Prosecco today, thanks, Kate.
-Sure.

All right, so we've just got
some smokey pork ribs,

a chipotle bean
and grilled vegetable salad

with some burrata, and then
just some grilled lemon chicken.

-Kate, don't forget the salt and pepper.
-It's on the table.

-Ribs there?
-Yes, please.

-No problem.
-Thank you.

Whenever Kevin jumps
into the service realm,

he's doing it to overpower me.

-Any chipotle bean salad for you?
-Please.

Kevin needs to stay in his lane,

or he can fully take over
the chief stew job

and I'll go take a vacation.

-Is everyone all right for now?
-It's perfect.

-Okay, enjoy, guys.
-Thank you for lunch.

Thank you.

-Is the chicken good?
-It's delicious.

-Need a chef all the time.
-Cheers, guys, to an awesome meal.

-Okay, Simone, you be on guest service.
-Okie-dokie.

What would be the next thing
you would say when you went up?

I would have started with more waters
but I'm already looking so I won't...

[Kate] Would anybody like more of anything
that I can serve to them?

-So they don't have to get up.
-Oh, I see.

So that's what I have to do now?

Practice makes perfect,
I already know how to do it.

-Oh, you're doing mornings?
- Kate's gonna do mornings,

so I'll be in the middle of the day.

It sounds like you've got chill charter.
Till all the laundry starts coming in.

-We'll see.
-Bed sheets and everything.

Of course laundry sucks.

But with these charter guests,
I don't really mind.

It's like they're at a frat party,
but they're, like, 40.

-Spring break, 2019.
-Spring break, 2019!

It's pretty sad.

I don't really like ironing, though.

-Who would?
-It doesn't work.

[Courtney laughing]

Ashton, Ashton, Kate.

-They wanna be picked up now.
-Copy that.

[Kate] Would you rather go back
with the guests to do service

-or stay here and pack up the beach?
-[Simone] I'll pack.

Brian or Tanner, who wants to go back?

-Chill here or go back?
-I'll go back

See you on the boat. Bye!

-So what do you think of the guests?
-Kim is hot, bru.

-Who? Kim is a scorcher, I know.
-Kim.

Like, when she walked on,
I was like, "Can I please have your legs?"

I make comments about guys sometimes.
So it's okay.

Any comments about the guys on the boat?

Oh, my God. Honestly, Tanner, seriously.

-So you like him a little bit?
-A little bit?

Or a lot. Hey?

Jiminy Cricket.

-He makes me like... I can't.
-Makes you flustered?

I'm like, who's this person?
It's just a man.

What can I help with?

Tonight is garnet and gold,
with beer pong and beer bong.

And we're doing Jell-O sh*ts.

-Do you want me to do that now?
-Yeah.

These guests want
a college theme party, naturally.

Those were the best years of their lives.

I'm gonna let you
be the creative director

of the Jell-O sh*ts.
I trust your judgment.

Anybody that's still
talking about college,

peaked in college,
and that's embarrassing.

Booze cruise, what, what.

I haven't made Jell-O in so long.

-Oh, hey, Simone.
-Oh, hey, Tanner.

-So glad you're back.
-I'm glad to be back.

You guys can go drown yourselves.

-Simone's back!
-Hello!

-You made it.
-Yep.

-How's your Jell-O coming along?
-It's coming.

The slide is ready
if you guys wanna go down.

-Ashton.
-Talk to me.

-How long are you gonna make me wait?
-How much can you take?

Everything. I can handle it.

I have returned.

-So we're all jumping off?
-Yeah, of course.

[guests cheering]

There's always one late.

I want you to go down
and have a bit of a break.

Oh, thank you, mate,
my leg is ****ing so sore.

Definitely getting worse, bru,
something's wrong.

-Is it?
-Yeah.

Now it's like so intense
on the sides, bru.

So it's obviously spreading.

[Ashton] His knee is not looking good.

By the end of today,
I might lose half of my team.

There's a massive difference
between being one man down

and being two men down.

-Just rest for now, yeah?
-All right.

I haven't had a full-strength
deck team this season.

Like, oh, my goodness, I'm exhausted.

Is there room for me
to put these up here,

-or do you want me to put them in the...
-I'd rather them downstairs, sorry.

Okay. It's fine.

Right on cue. He just picked up his beer
and was like...

Is it dead?

Captain, Captain, Ash. Could I have a word

-with you in the wheelhouse, please?
-[Lee] Of course.

-Do you want a lint roller?
-Yeah, can you give me one?

-Hey, Cap, sorry to bother you.
-Not a problem.

Brian banged his knee.
It's just been swelling.

I'm a bit worried that it's infected.

I'll go down and take a look at it.

Now I've gotta come up with a backup plan
in case Brian can't work tomorrow.

Christ, I feel like a one-legged man
at an ass-kicking contest.

-Whatever you need.
-All right, thanks, Cap.

Kevin, you just let me know
when a good time for you is

-to discuss dinner.
-We can talk about that now.

Okay, great.

Start off with pumpkin risotto
with seared beef fillets.

-Nice.
-And pecorino and corn.

-And is tonight cheesecake?
-With chocolate pretzels.

I'll get you the temperatures
on the steak.

-Awful weather here.
-It's miserable.

-Hello.
-What's up, lady?

-How's it going for you?
-It's going good.

I think this is the coolest spot
we've been to.

-It is.
-Sucks when you're stranded on the boat.

-I know.
-I just wanna go explore.

I'm trying to get my buzz on.
Way too sober. Where they at?

So how's everyone else doing inside?

-Chilling.
-Brian's resting.

-Is his foot okay?
-It's his knee.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

Now I'm just waiting for our group sh*ts.
Where's our group sh*ts?

I was quite worried when you were sick.

I was like, shame, you might have
to go home. Like, what's wrong?

-You missing home at all?
-I miss my gran.

I talk about her all the time,
it's so bad.

I do, too.
Once I graduated college, I was living her

-for, like, three years.
-Oh, that's so nice.

Yeah, we became such best friends.
Just drinking and chain-smoking

-and playing cribbage.
-Hi, girls.

You treat each experience
that you have with them

like you don't want it to be the last one.

Every time I would say bye to her
and start bawling.

Not only does Tanner have
a perfectly symmetrical,

God-given face,

but he's actually appreciative
of his grandparents. Breathe, Simone.

-How old's your gran?
-Ninety-five, and she...

-Thank you.
-You're welcome. Anybody else want water?

-I'm okay, thanks.
-Okay.

...and she goes, "I'm already ashes,
what would ashes be doing with teeth?"

Simone is exhibiting
all the telltale signs

of a yachtie with no experience.

If I can hear you,
the guests can hear you.

This is not your cruise, Simone.

I am a little freaked out right now

because Tanner and Simone are having
a conversation on the sundeck,

but I can fully hear Simone
on bridge deck aft.

Like, the guests are now listening
to her life story.

Can't you wait till you get that old?

Actually, I can wait,
but, like, I look forward to it.

She talks way too much.

It's like when you have a puppy

and you wanna train it,
but you don't wanna k*ll its spirit.

Yes, you need to give it house rules.

Look at the sunset.

This is so pretty,
I can watch this all night.

-What you looking at, Shaely?
-Ashton!

Go and eat sine dinner quickly.
I'll stay on deck.

Simone, change into your blacks,
dinner's at 8:30.

-Timer, timer, timer.
-I've got it. That's the dryer!

I guess I should probably get dressed.

-Look at how happy you are.
-I am. That looks perfect.

New York cheesecake.
You wanna try some?

-I'll get it to the crew.
-OMG.

****ing what's her name,
Shelly... Is it Shelly or Shaely?

I think it's Shaely,
because it's S-H-A-E.

She's, a naughty-naught.

I feel like she's gonna have
some requests for you tonight.

**** me!

I hate it here.

What do you need me
to bring me out? Glasses?

-Yes, please.
-Red wine?

-Um, yes, please and water.
-Okay.

[Brian] Someone likes Tanner.

-[Tanner] Wait, what?
-[Brian] Simone. She does really like you.

-Oh, that's dangerous.
-[Ashton] What do you think of her?

[Tanner] You know, I definitely get along
with her the best and stuff,

but it's like ****, crushes are tough,
because then it's like you go hook up

with another girl
and she's upset, and it's like...

-Once you commit to that, then it's...
-[Tanner] That's it.

-What can I do, what can I help with?
-I want you to stay down tonight.

-The hard work today is done.
-Serious?

I'll be fine on lates.

-Okay.
-Thank you.

If you need, just get Courtney
to give you some TLC.

[men laughing]

-So Simone, it was a beautiful sunset.
-I was surprised by it, yeah.

Is that when you were talking to Tanner?

Because I was serving the guests
just below,

and I could hear your voice.

And then it's like I could hear
everything you were saying...

-Oh, really?
-...and but I... So could the guests.

I was kind of busy making drinks,
so I didn't hear really what it was about.

Should I ask the guests what it was about,
or are you gonna tell me?

We're just like talking.

I'm getting very annoyed with Simone.
She's very good at playing,

"I wanna learn, I wanna learn,"
but then she's just off in her own world.

If you wanted to learn,
a little less this,

a little more this.

If there are guests around,

-you have to be a little bit careful.
-I hear ya.

I hear you.

-[Ashton] Hey.
-[Kate] How's it going?

Doing good, except
I've got another man down.

How down is he?

Oh, well, he's just down enough
that he just needs to rest.

It's eight****-ing-twenty.

**** off, Mr. Dobson.

-That looks pretty.
-This looks like a diaper.

-Perfect. Cool.
-You're good.

-Hey, we're getting lit.
-Yeah!

We've got guests
coming out of their rooms.

-Need about five minutes.
-Okay.

Where's my boy toy?

Now during dinner service,
let's keep conversation to a minimum.

-Okay.
-Because the guests can hear us in there.

Cool beans.

[men wolf-whistling]

-You guys are punctual.
-Kevin, the final two came out.

Courtney, can you go to the galley
for service, please?

-Copy.
-Can I get you girls anything to drink?

-Pinot grigio.
-Sure.

-Old Fashioned, please.
-Sure.

-It feels nice outside.
-It does.

-We got a nice little breeze going.
-Yeah.

Oh, I know. I haven't had a blowjob
this good in years.

Beautiful.

I went to culinary school in a little town

called Timaru in New Zealand
at the age of 15.

So I haven't really been
around college students before,

and I don't know what they'd eat.

Getting ready to get lit.

These charter guests are toasted.

I think they're gonna be impressed
with anything.

[Simone] I'm trying to keep
this station clean.

[Kate] Very good.

[Kevin] What's that? I'm doing very well?

-Thank you.
-As always.

Should we do drinking games,
never have I ever?

[Michael laughing loudly]

-Are you coming up?
-Yeah.

Cool.

-Thank you.
-[Kate] Evening, guys.

There he is.

The foam itself, it's like
a corn and pecorino cream.

So you're gonna smash
that through the risotto.

Pumpkin seeds and pine nuts
on top of that,

and then just the beef filet on the side.

-Thank you. Enjoy.
-We appreciate your efforts.

-Yay.
-Thanks, man.

-Oh, my God.
-That's really good.

Get lit.

-Let's give this deck a quick rinse.
-Okay.

Anybody else feeling drained?

**** my hands are sore.

Wish I could go right to bed.
I'm exhausted.

So tired.

-How's the leg?
-Yesterday, it was just that area there,

and now it's just getting sore
all around here.

-Is it from that cut right there?
-It's more like from there.

Oh, this is gonna be a pain in my ass.

We're probably gonna have
to get a doctor out here.

-Okay.
-Get some ice on it.

All right. Thanks, Captain.

-They want to take a group shot.
-What sh*ts do they want?

-They just said, "A green tea."
-Gotcha.

-Thank you, love.
-You're welcome.

-They wanna have sh*ts quickly.
-Jell-O sh*ts?

Like, green tea sh*ts
with, like, Red Bull.

-Is that cheesecake?
-Yeah, crew.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

[Courtney] Brian? Do you want cheesecake?

-I was just thinking about you, actually.
-Why?

-Because I need to get more ice.
-Oh, okay. I'm just your nurse.

You know, I'm not certified,
I'm just doing my best.

You're doing amazing. I owe you one.

I'll take you out for champagne
on the boat.

[Courtney] Okay.

[Kate humming]

-[Kevin] What sh*ts are those?
-Seminole sh*ts.

They're delicious.

[Kate] Simone, Simone,
we're ready when you are.

[Kevin] ♪ Once, twice,
three times a cheesecake ♪

-Come to Papa.
-Oh, my God.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

So this one is just
a New York style cheesecake.

Oreo base, down at the bottom.

Salted pretzels covered
in white chocolate on the top.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

To waking up and not getting pissed on.

Cheers.

-Yum.
-Yeah, that's not bad at all.

Probably one of the best cheesecakes
I've had.

So what time are we doing the streaking?
Is that college night? Tonight?

[Kate] We have beer pong set up,
and then we also have...

-Beer pong, what?
-...a two-story beer bong.

Lit!

Ashton, Ashton. Heads up,
the guests are going

to be headed up to the beer pong.

-You wanna go down and change?
-Yeah.

-Yeah, let's do it.
-Tanner.

-Oh, yeah, dude.
-**** yeah!

Decks gone wild.

-Gonna start clearing the table.
-Okay, cool.

-I usually like to do the linens first.
-Okay.

You got this, bitch! Let's go!

Hey, hey, hey!

[whooping loudly]

Hi. It's looking good.
How have you liked being laundry?

-Isn't it kind of nice for a change?
-It is nice.

Like, I don't think
I'd wanna do it every time,

-because it would get boring.
-Thank you for doing such a great job.

-Let's have you go up, help Simone.
-Sure.

-Who's doing a beer bong?
-Probably Jess.

Liz, are you gonna do a funnel?

Mary, mother of Jesus, please forgive me
for all the sins I'm gonna commit.

-All right, babe, here you go.
-Go ahead.

-Coming out of his nose.
-Am I riding this kayak down by myself?

I feel like this is actually
pretty dangerous, Mike.

-It is.
-No. No. No.

What the hell are you doing?

Please, please, please don't do that.

[Michael] Am I riding
this kayak down by myself?

I feel like this is actually
pretty dangerous, Mike.

-It is.
-No. No. No.

What the hell are you doing?

But why'd you **** up
my kayak experience?

Please, please, please don't do that.

[Ashton] What do you think's gonna happen?

The kayak's gonna snap,
you're gonna snap...

This does not make sense.
You are beyond drunk.

He's like, hey, you're a ***ing weak
****ing nice guy,

-but you said it so proper.
-All right.

At least, you got the message.

Good night.
We'll see you in the morning.

-[Kate] Simone, I'm going down.
-Okie-dokie.

Fesinator.

Do you want to just go to bed?
I'll finish.

-All right.
-See you, good night.

[grunting]

[Ashton] Oh, got my workout in.

**** man. ****ing sore.

[groaning]

****'s sakes.

-I am tired.
-Me hates the mornings.

Have you been practicing talking
like a pirate at all?

Arr! I'll be forever grateful.

-That's good, that's good. Keep...
-Really?

I don't think they ever said "grateful."

I'm forever blessed
to be in your presence.

Yay, pirate day.

Is a pirate theme party
the most genius, elegant thing?

No, but can I play along with it?
Shivery in me timbers.

No wonder Captain Hook was in a bad mood.
You can't do **** with a hook.

My knee is just getting worse
and worse and worse.

I couldn't really sleep last night,

but I'm not the type of person
that can just lay around

and do nothing, especially
me being lead deckhand.

I feel too guilty.

Hello, Matey.
How's the old peg leg feeling?

****-ing worse.

[Ashton] Oh, that does look more swollen
than it was, bru.

-There's no painkillers on board, though.
-Let me see what I've got.

Up until this point,
I've kind of just been keeping

a positive mindset about Brian's knee.

But I need to start dealing with the fact
that I might lose Brian.

Relief of pain and inflammation.

-How many do you take?
-Just one.

I'm so stoked for our pirate day.

-Good morning, mateys.
-Mateys.

I hope Simone gets up soon
or whoever's next,

because I could really use a hand.

-Why's that?
-Because I only have one.

-Morning, gents.
-Ready to get catcalled today?

Yeah.

Tan-man.

-What can I get you?
-Actually, a Bloody Mary.

Sure.

[Ashton] Look how cool that looks,
with the light coming through it.

[Tanner] Yeah, **** this place is cool.

You like your Bloody Mary
with the chunks.

I'm Irish, I'm a leprechaun pirate.

-[Lee] Ashton, Ashton, Lee.
-Shiver me timbers, the captain is awake.

Just make sure we're ready
to rock and roll at 8:30.

-Copy that.
-Captain, Captain, Kate.

Just a gentle reminder
that today is pirate day.

-Them's that die be the lucky ones.
-Totally.

-Oh, we're up.
-We're coming for your booty!

-What was that?
-We'll be having fun on this vessel.

-It's 8:30.
-That's good, Tanner.

-Anchor's in the pocket.
-Yarr, me bones, eh?

-Hello, mate.
-Anchor's secure, Cap.

Roger that, we're on our way.

[Tanner] Hey, Ashton, you check out
the new suit today?

[Tanner] She's gonna break his heart
by the end of this trip.

-Hello.
-Morning, Courtney.

You're looking like a very lame,
non-team player.

Look at me, I'm working with a hook,

and this is your last chance
at a pirate costume that you choose.

-Worst day of my life.
-After that, I choose.

-Such a bitch.
-You say that like it's a bad thing.

No, it's not a bad thing.

It seems like we'll have
smooth sailing today, Cap.

Looks like it,
as soon as we get outta this traffic.

[Lee] Swelling go down in his knee at all?

[Ashton] No, it's gone up.

-Is he off it now?
-Yeah, he's resting, Cap.

Tell him if I see his ass
up and around, I'll have his ass.

[Lee] Okay, we should be good.

-You have the helm, sir.
-I've got the helm.

Just thought I'd let you know,

I have a new deckhand
coming for you today.

-Okay.
-With us so close

-to being down two hands...
-Two men, yeah.

I wanna go ahead and get her
on board as quickly as possible.

[Lee] On board a yacht,
when you're doing it short-handed,

you run the risk
of somebody getting injured,

so it's dangerous.
We just can't continue down this road.

Do you have a copy of a CV
that I can have a look at?

Oh, you already know it.

It's Rhylee.

You have to be ****ing kidding me.

[Lee] We'll see if she's learned anything.

[Kate] Later this season on Below Deck...

[elephants trumpeting]

[Lee] I only have two rules:

don't embarrass yourself
and don't embarrass the boat.

Seems all of us
aren't getting that message.

There's sometimes about a sunset
that makes me so horny.

-Oh, well, that's a bit weird.
-Surprise!

-How you doing?
-I'm back, b*tches.

-Pleasantly surprised, are you?
-I'm not ready for this.

Shut the **** up.
Who the **** are you?

I'm not gonna allow her to rock the boat
with this happy family we ****ing have.

Holy ****.
He looks better than Ashton.

Yeah, I would be all over that right now.

I'd **** the **** out of Brian to where
he doesn't remember who Courtney is.

Was it my fault?

It's getting heated,
and it is getting heated quickly.

I went down on Simone last night.

Okay.

-Orange County housewife.
-Yay.

-Alexis Bellino.
-Oh, boy.

You'll **** up dinner, you won't.

You'll **** up dinner, you won't.
This could take a while.

What respect do you have
for your ****ing captain?

[Lee] Not a lot.

I was good enough to make you
a ****-ton of money, you ****ing d*ck.

That's not the way to talk to me.

Don't come here
with your attitude again.

What I care about going forward
is this charter.

We should go
a little bit more upscale tonight.

So pizza wasn't good yesterday? Really?

-We're not getting on your nerves, are we?
-No, I'm sorry you feel that way.

You ****ing bitch, **** off.

I really just hope this boat sinks.

[gasps]

[grunting]

[cheering]

♪ Espresso martini for everyone ♪

[laughing]