Previously on "Below Deck"
Fastest two
will get two-hour breaks.
The slowest two
will get one-hour breaks.
I've tried training Jen.
I can lead a horse to water,
but I can't make her think.
Bri is done.
Jen is still f-- ing going.
I'm working the hardest
and Bri is being rewarded
for it.
It's f-- ed up.
I left my daughter
to go after my dreams,
but this is a living nightmare.
[electronic music]
Josh is my older brother.
It's actually really good
that he's coming down.
Easy J. I wanted to ask
if you want to go
to dinner with me.
True gentleman knows
how to court a lady,
and he takes the time
to make the right move.
I got my own steak juice
up in the club.
We're doing it big-time,
girl.
See you later.
I'll be back on the 22nd.
Did you want to get together?
Nope.
It's hard as a chef
to not have your life
affect your work,
and that has to stop for me.
Me being the boatswain
and all,
if we can all just work
together…
I just broke up
with my girlfriend.
It's just an emotional burden
and it's something
I don't want to deal with.
Recently got engaged
and looking forward
to celebrating their engagement
with some of their
closest friends.
We gotta get
this party started.
I have nothing against
an older gentleman
wanting to date a younger lady.
I'm not happy with that.
More champagne for you.
They haven't done our luggage?
If you're gonna do that,
you should probably pick
a quieter one.
What the f--? [laughs]
Get inside right now.
We need to put
all the luggage away.
I want everybody
to get in their swimsuits.
It's gonna be a long
Oh my God, I hate this!
Ooh, I hate this.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[swelling electronic music]
What are you doing?
We gotta go get
in our swimsuits.
Oh…
I feel like
I've been waiting on luggage
-for a long time.
-I'll do it right now.
Anchor?
Bruno, I need you right now.
All this luggage
is still sitting here.
We need luggage in rooms.
Like, yesterday.
We need to put
all the luggage away.
EJ is my boss,
and I'm trying my hardest
just to embrace the situation,
but it's hard not to just
jump in and lead everybody
and just be the boatswain.
-We're good?
-Yep. Thank you.
Thank you, buddy.
I really appreciate it.
Hey, Jen?
Go unpack the master.
-Oh, I hate this.
-Yeah.
It may be too soon to tell,
but I'm getting the feeling
that I hate these people.
Yeah.
I feel like
I'm back in elementary school
with the way that
Brianna and Kate are acting.
Maybe I should be
giving myself
the advice that I'm giving
to my daughter.
Don't worry about it.
It's nothing to be
stressed about.
-Okay.
-I love you.
I'm allowing these b*tches
to get to me.
I'm just gonna let the sh--
roll off my shoulders.
Okay, perfect.
You are awesome.
Thank you.
If there's anything
I can get you,
-just let me know.
-Yeah, perfect.
♪ ♪
Margarita.
I want it
a little less sweet.
Okay. Skinny Girl margarita,
not as sweet.
Further in I get,
the better off we're gonna be.
-Whoa, hey…
-Hi!
That's a heck of a swimsuit.
Er, what?
Looking good.
Very nice.
-Mm.
-Oooh!
-I like that.
-Yeah.
Get ready to drop
on my mark.
Give me three sh*ts, now.
What's it looking like?
It's getting harder.
Come on, baby.
Okay, it's getting harder
now.
Come on, baby.
Okay, we got a hard stay,
hard stay.
Copy that.
Let's lock it in.
I think we're good.
-Jen, Jen, Kate.
-Go ahead.
Can you please come meet me
in the twin guest cabin?
Aww, you bought me
a teddy bear!
[laughter]
That's exactly what I would
bring with me as an adult.
We've already got a boatload
of crazy with these guests,
so the fact that Jen's
laughing again--
I'll take it.
When she's happy, I'm happy.
When she's mad,
I can't wait for it to be over.
I think they are all nuts.
[low string music]
♪ ♪
-Love you.
-[kisses]
Ah, so you guys look cozy.
-Yeah.
-We're relaxed.
Is that the new principal there?
-Yeah.
-I have a talk-to.
Hi.
I'll be your chef
the next couple days.
We have, for lunch,
a beautiful sirloin,
cut really thin,
on top of a nice salad
with Italian dressing.
Then we do, for dinner,
a grouper or a snapper.
I'm in great head-space
right now.
There's no more baggage
with my ex,
so I'm gonna do
what I do best,
and they're gonna love it.
-Awesome.
-There you go.
[electronic music]
Let me get your booty.
-Oh, it hurts.
-Sun's out, buns out.
-Perfect.
-There we go.
Dude, that chick
in her f--ing bikini,
-is f--ing amazing.
-I know.
Do you know whenever lunch…
is to be served?
I'll double-check
with Chef Matt.
Because if anything
we can get it out fast…
-Sure. I'll let him know.
-Yes? Okay, perfect.
Sara just
asked me about lunchtime,
because they want to
go in it fast.
Okay, great.
I'll set the table for them.
Can I get a whole deck crew
just to run
from top to bottom,
just making sure
everything's stowed,
no pillows have blown away?
Copy that.
-Another day on the water.
-Yeah.
This is a pretty little spot.
Paradise.
Down in the islands, man.
[imitates Jamaican accent]
Yah, man.
What's going on, Bru-ster?
Swim platform's
all set up, yo.
Whoo-hoo!
Where is the music?
Cheers! I'm gonna go
ask him for music,
-but cheers in the meantime.
-Cheers.
Hi. We're looking for music.
Um, we realize--
They will arrange it for you.
Okay, perfect, yeah.
We need the jams.
A couple more margaritas,
you'll never be able
to get outside.
[electronic music]
Salt, salt, salt, salt, salt.
♪ ♪
I'm gonna follow you up
when I have more ice.
♪ ♪
-Pinot. You're welcome.
-Thank you.
Lunch is ready
whenever you are.
-Fantastic.
-Cool.
Yeah, we-- oh, music!
We can do that.
Okay.
Hi, how can I help you?
-I'm looking for Malbec.
-We are-- do you have a Malbec?
You mean from Argentina?
Yeah, I have them upstairs.
Is that
-what you want with lunch?
-Yes.
-Okay.
-I think so.
-Perfect, we'll bring it out.
-Fantastic.
-Hey, hottie!
-Where's the music?
I requested music.
Ugh. Can't stand it.
Um, Bri?
They're requesting music.
Do you guys keep it somewhere?
Uh, the music?
It was last seen
on main deck, aft.
You want to look there
or in the sky lounge?
They're pushing my buttons already.
[dance music]
♪ ♪
Let's do this now.
Steak Greek salad with feta.
Thank you.
We gotta cheers to
this wonderful life we have.
-Yes.
-Who gets to do this?
-Yes.
-We do.
Excellent.
I don't know.
I'm picky with salad.
What do you think, babe?
Really good.
Mm.
Can anyone see
the speaker for this?
♪ ♪
Sorry, I don't know.
I don't work on interior.
This was excellent.
-She's cute.
-Yeah.
Just curious of
what our lunch could be.
♪ ♪
Is this our full lunch?
-Yes.
-Okay, I'm good with that.
Settle down.
They seem so happy
about their engagement.
Such a beautiful thing.
-Definitely true love.
-[laughs]
All right,
I'm gonna go change swimsuits.
Do you guys know
where is the speaker?
Let the interior
just worry about that stuff.
I'm asking them everything.
They don't know nothing.
On the bridge now… guys.
That's, uh, interior
for you.
Not hired for their brains,
are they?
[percussive dance music]
Gonna jump with me?
-No.
-Oh, yeah.
Jen loves cool sh--.
Three, two, one.
Oh!
Belly flop.
[motor whirring]
Whoo!
Oh my gosh.
I feel like I'm at
a summer camp
for drunk third-graders.
[laughs]
Whoo!
[mockingly] Waaa!
Whoo!
You see anything down there?
I like that more New Zealand one.
Okay.
Where's the sh*ts?
Certainly they've got to
slow it down at some point.
Whoo!
Coming up
-My husband likes you.
-Well, thank you!
You are not allowed to leave.
-Let's just take it all.
-Don't take it off.
Whoo!
[electronic music]
-[electronic music]
-How they doing out there?
Good.
Guys doing okay on drinks?
Lots of Patrón, on the rocks.
It's 5:39. Where's our crew?
I need a shot.
Uh-oh.
-Okay, ladies.
-Hi.
Everybody is ready
for something.
They're about to freak out,
so…
Yeah, I'm bringing it out,
right now.
Let me know when you have.
Okay. Sara came and told
y'all
sh*ts, right?
'Cause that was like a request.
Do you want sh*ts now?
Now you can
do a cucumber gimlet,
-and then, um…
-We're on it.
Okay! Perfect.
Thank you, ladies!
[both] You're welcome.
Nothing worse than
drunk people in the galley.
Oh, I know.
Jen? You can drop that off?
I'm going to break.
-Bri…
-You can go on break
for two hours.
There's three, yep.
-Thank you.
-Amazing!
You made a cucumber gimlet!
-Yes!
-Thank you.
That is blonde service.
-Yay.
-Thank you so much.
That makes me feel good.
[electronic music]
♪ ♪
-So…
-Mm?
Two days.
-Yes?
-While my brother's here.
Ah! A-ha!
Everything moves
a lot faster in yachting.
If this was a land-based
relationship,
I probably wouldn't be
meeting the family,
but I think this
is exactly what
Nico needs.
He's a really, really
cool guy.
-That's cute.
-Yep.
You guys have
a nice relationship.
Yeah.
♪ ♪
Be great yachting AF.
Yachting AF!
♪ ♪
Do you guys have lime,
uh, soda?
Yes, ma'am.
You're beautiful.
Thanks.
I'll be back.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Are you guys about ready
to move to the table
for dinner?
Yeah, absolutely.
♪ ♪
This looks so pretty.
Congratulations
on your engagement.
Yay!
Cheers, yes.
Cooking for
intoxicated guests
isn't the most pleasant thing.
Are they really liking the food
or are they just
blowing smoke up your ass?
It makes the job
a little easier,
but tonight, I'm making
some great seafood dishes
that even their palates
should be able to handle.
Yes, yes, yes.
You guys are amazing.
So Matt has prepared
a garlic corn
with a sesame-sear tuna
and a ginger glaze bok choy.
Oh my God, I love this.
[bass-heavy music]
Local grouper
with a red pepper sauce.
I love it, Matt.
The colors are beautiful.
Thanks.
Here you are.
The local grouper,
a jasmine rice,
and that's a little
lemon-lime fennel on the top.
I can tell that Matt's trying
a little bit extra-hard.
If I could have this Matt's
food all the time,
that'd be great.
-Great.
-And then you guys
were going to change
into your pajamas?
And we've got such a fun
little pajama party
up on the bunny pad,
under the stars.
Cheers.
♪ ♪
Can you help me, please?
They want to have
a pajama party,
so I'm thinking bunny pad
is perfect place,
so let's make, like,
a pillow fort up there.
I have a sarong
that has the universe on it.
[chuckles]
That's exactly
what we need.
I'm so impressed.
I love this chef.
I want to take him home
with me.
Can we have a chef?
Sure.
And I got a lot of sheets.
What I'm thinking is
we build the pillows
all around it
make an entrance to it,
like an igloo.
Nice.
You know Mandi wants her
pajamas ironed.
I've never seen pajamas
so not-wrinkled.
You want a pajama party?
We need pillows lined up
in a cool manner
Some cushion
for all the pushin'.
Baker's a little aggressive,
and it makes me
a little nervous,
but it's also
kind of intriguing,
'cause it's different.
The lighting is good, though.
Yeah. [laughs]
Pajama party ace, stat.
It's up top in the bunny pad?
Okay.
I think these
will be cute for you.
The red ones,
and then the black ones
for him.
My husband likes you.
Well, thank you.
-She's cute.
-Yeah.
[rhythmic music]
-Leave our door…
-You are not allowed to leave.
She's… hot.
-Um…
-Let's just take it all.
Don't take it off!
And all of a sudden,
there's titties in my face.
No, no, no, stop, stop, stop.
I'm giving you
what you want
-lots of sexiness.
-No, no.
And the titties are…
not titties that I'm used
to seeing--
not that I'm used
to seeing titties.
-All right.
-Give me a hug.
-Give me a hug.
-Oh, do you want a shirt?
They're--
They're old titties?
Well, you have options.
Aah!
I don't like this.
I'm gonna go
take a hot shower.
Color-changing lights
that I had, in, like, the--
In the cas--
like, the casino party,
and they are all, like, bars…
I am not going down those stairs for
the rest of this charter.
-What happened?
-I got trapped in a room
and I was told to hug
and undress.
Oh, wow.
I have not ever
been propositioned
by a married couple before.
Maybe she smells that
it's been a while since
you know, I went downtown,
but no.
[screams] Sorry.
I'm a little bit traumatized.
I just need to breathe for
a second.
Don't let me go
get cozy bear
and have you show the crew
where the mean charter
guest touched you.
- Aight.
-[laughs]
Well, I was very excited
to have a pajama party.
However, now that
I've met these guests,
I understand they meant
"lingerie party."
♪ ♪
This is awesome!
♪ ♪
Welcome to the ultimate
pajama party.
Oh, perfect.
Oh, wow, look at this.
You have panties on?
No, I have no panties on.
-Scotch on the rocks.
-Second. Second!
Okay, okay, uh,
the guests would like
Scotch on the rocks.
They want to know
what's the best kind
-of Scotch we have.
-Whoo!
-Let me see that sucker.
-No.
Jerry would like a Coke.
What year is that Scotch,
by the way?
I think you'd probably
prefer a Glenmorangie.
This isn't a drive-through
at McDonald's for alcohol.
If I came
to a chartered boat,
you better believe
we are going to drink
every drop of alcohol,
so I can't hate them.
I can just be jelly.
This is not so bad.
I love you, lady.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Come on in!
Oh yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
-Over.
-Love it!
This is awesome.
This is fun!
This is so adorable.
Whoo!
All right.
Let's go to bed.
Going to bed.
Have fun.
It's not even midnight,
and we're going to bed.
Yes, indeed.
♪ ♪
The guests have all gone to bed so let's
get everything in here and clean it.
-Damn.
-I love you!
Dreams really do come true.
Mm-hm. Living the dream right now.
[electronic music]
♪ ♪
I'm gonna help you.
You don't need to.
Damn, girls. You are…
This is neat, considering…
Like, when Kate's up here,
there's trash everywhere,
and just, like…
I always got used to…
make things always clean.
Just something that…
I got used to.
Kate, Nico, and EJ,
could I see you
in the wheelhouse
for a moment?
On my way.
-Okay, cap.
-Hi.
I was thinking of
going over to Crocus.
For the beach party?
Crocus is where we had
the beach party last time.
I'd like to put it up.
I can handle it.
Gonna be interesting.
By all means, buddy,
let's do it.
Put your money
where your mouth is.
Crocus it is.
What time
do you want to do that?
I would be doing that
relatively soon…
-Okay.
-'Cause it's gonna take us
an hour to get over there.
Okay.
And that will keep them
occupied.
Coming up:
Everyone's just moving
slow as f-- today.
I've missed
all sun-time,
'cause we've been
sitting here.
[growls]
Great. It's what the f--
I need.
Grab it, Bruno!
[peppy music]
[peppy music]
EJ, are we going straight to the beach,
right?
Yeah.
We're not gonna put
any toys out.
We're just gonna do
the beach setup today.
Canopy chairs,
cooler, cornhole.
Three of us set up,
if you don't mind.
Go ahead, man.
I respect the ranks
and hierarchy,
but I want to prove
to Captain Lee
that I can be boatswain,
so if I need
to run a beach picnic,
I'll run it,
Yeah. Sounds good
to me, man.
-Here you go. You're welcome.
-Thank you.
The chef suggested
we start breakfast.
You don't have
to ask twice.
Okay, so this is the plan.
They are going to the beach.
-Right.
-And…
I was thinking
make an awesome bar setup.
I wanna encourage them
to do water sports
-and maybe less alcohol.
-Yeah.
Bruno, honey, it's 9:35 a.m.
Nobody needs your
cooler of drinks yet.
How many chefs
are too many chefs
in the kitchen?
What did she just say?
I said, Bruno,
"How many chefs
are too many chefs
in a kitchen?"
-Two.
-Huh. Yeah.
[percussive music]
There you go.
You're welcome.
-Morning.
-Hello.
"Good evening."
[upbeat music]
Would that be ready now?
-All set.
-Okay. Thank you.
[talking indistinctly]
The special today is
a mushroom, onion,
and cheese omelet.
Perfect.
What we're planning next
is guys in ties,
girls in pearls…
-Ugh.
-Beach party.
I know. I just can't…
Jen, I got a pearl necklace
for you
to wear to the beach party.
But it also comes with
a whistle.
-Yes.
-If you're ever
not feeling safe.
I have a question
-for you, Kate.
-Yes.
Everybody
on their preference sheets
says lunch things like
deli meats, ham,
prosciutto, bread,
I was thinking of, like, um,
tacos.
What?
No, no, no.
I heard Bill
talking about prosciutto.
Okay.
And three different
kinds of sandwiches, right?
With, like, a toothpick,
with an--
with an olive on the top,
kind of thing.
-Oh, yeah. Or--
-And with cucumber.
Or, like, a nice spread,
or a different cheese.
-That's a great idea.
-Bow tie
and, like,
a mozzarella ball salad.
-Ooh, nice.
-Because they want
bow ties and pearls.
-That's easy.
-I know.
I do like working with Matt,
because,
I mean, I'll just suggest
the most obvious things,
and it's like I am a genius.
Cool.
[instrumental pop music]
♪ ♪
-That's a cute swimsuit.
-Thanks.
He's gonna do
the beach stuff,
she's gonna do snorkeling,
you're gonna do the cooler.
-Oh, I love that.
-Ooh, ooh, ooh.
-Vodka, Patrón, and limes.
-Whatever you need.
Bacon. BLTs.
So what, kinda,
is the plan for today?
There's a really beautiful
beach for your lunch
called Crocus Bay.
We'll be there
in about an hour.
Yay!
Kumatoes.
♪ ♪
Half of the beach towels
are in the inflatable
F***, are you kidding me?
We'll just have to
make two runs.
♪ ♪
Some of them
brought their own.
Those are cute
for, like, the party, though.
So we have four ninja things
that are fully functional.
Ok, who took the limes today this morning?
It's probably there, I think, right?
We don't have any limes.
This is a joke.
Would you like one?
Yes.
Seriously?
There's limes there.
These f***ing girls, they don't know
anything.
I think this interior team
is the most dysfunctional team
I ever met in my life.
You'd be fired in a second
on the cruise ships.
[growls]
Hey, Baker, how many towels
do I need to grab?
Five.
Hey, Bruno, Bruno, Kate?
I feel like they're
not ready to touch.
Yeah.
Deck crew, deck crew, Kate?
Nobody answering
their radio.
Kate, whenever you're ready.
I'm gonna run to the beach.
[upbeat music]
I hate… the beach.
EJ, EJ, I should have
the beach set up by 2:00.
Roger.
Hey, Nico.
-Right here?
-Yeah.
[grunts with exertion]
Ah.
See if this will fly away.
Um…
Open here, close here.
You need a hand?
Jesus, f--.
-It's like a sail.
-Hopefully not.
Ready to, like,
actually do something.
Everyone's just moving
slow as f-- today.
I don't know why.
We're waiting on a schedule,
but we're ready to do something.
Let's get that up as quick
as you can, guys, okay?
These guys do wanna
go to shore.
They're not set up
on shore yet.
Transporting a bunch of chairs
to the beach,
setting up the tent,
and helping the girls
in transporting the food--
It's not rocket science here,
and Nico should be
more on top of this.
Yeah, bocce ball, we brought.
I forgot the cornhole. F--.
-Hey, Baker.
-Uh-huh?
Can you help me
get the tables ready,
in case the guests come?
F--.
Grab it, Bruno!
Like, what the f--.
-It's broken.
-Oh, yeah.
I think that one's garbage.
Yeah, it's broken.
Great. It's what the f--
I need.
I mean, I've missed
all sun time
'cause we've been sitting here.
-What time?
-2:37.
[laughs nervously]
It's all f--ed up.
Unbelievable.
Typical Tuesday on
motor yacht Valor.
You know what would've
been really nice?
If we could've used
that cabana.
That would've been so great.
I just don't think Nico's
thinking clearly right now.
I think he's stressed out,
and I think he's just
in over his head.
This charter's just
starving to hell already.
Nobody's on the same page,
and no wonder,
when no one wants to listen.
Nico, Nico, Lee.
Tell me something, please.
Okay, do we need
to start complaining?
Because this is taking forever.
Kate, Kate, Bri.
Hey, when can we
send the guests over?
Um…
Coming up:
[singsong] Jen, Jen, Jen,
Jen, Jen.
I think you're very pretty.
Pick up that deck of cards.
Yep, hm,
that's my butt.
She's got a cute butt.
-This is taking forever.
-Kate, Kate, Bri.
Hey, when can we
send the guests over?
Um…
That was our wheels-up time
for the beach.
We are good.
We're ready
when you guys are.
-Copy. Are you guys ready?
-Yep.
Well, this better be
a hell of a beach setup.
They've taken a long
f--ing time.
I don't know
what's going on with Nico,
but this whole thing's
going nowhere fast.
It's a clusterf--.
-All right, wheels up!
-Whoo!
Let's do it!
[electronic music]
You're gonna stand here,
'cause you're so petite
and perfectly-sized,
and you're gonna tell them
what is what.
-I'm still scared to go like make beds.
-Oh, yeah.
Bill's gonna love this.
Hey, Kate,
is there a little boys' room?
Yeah, just right around
that way.
I think the guests might be
lucky that Jen declined
their proposition,
because, in my experience,
she never finishes
any job she starts.
That's dish is
actually delicious.
Mm! Bowtie pasta's good.
[rhythmic music]
I'm a bubble connoiseur.
Okay. Now he's--
These bubbles suck A.F.
They're cheap A.F.
Aren't they?
They really are.
-Hey, thank you!
-Here you go.
You're a rock star.
These bubbles suck.
-Gorgeous.
-I need water.
Yeah, absolutely.
Hey, Jen, I'm gonna leave you
with the guests.
I'll take this stuff back.
I'm not-- I'm not
a cigar connoisseur.
No, but it was good.
We're not either.
[laughs]
Water.
Water?
Yeah, I've asked for it,
like, three times now.
-Did you ask her?
-Yes.
Just so you know,
it does get dark at 6:00.
-Can we go back now?
-Whenever you want.
-Now?
-I think now.
Get your bums up!
[electronic dance music]
You got all that?
You need any help?
No.
♪ ♪
Nico, this is Baker.
My radio was off.
Did you need me right now?
The guests are coming back now.
Watch yourself.
Dude, I'm sexy AF.
This swimsuit is
giving me life.
Yeah, the beach
was my sh-- show.
How do you think interior's doing?
This is extremely slow.
A guest asked me
for a water, and I'm like,
"Let me grab water
for you," and she's like,
"Yeah, just to let you know,
I was waiting for that."
It was-- it wasn't
high-end yacht charter.
No, it wasn't.
♪ ♪
You look fabulous.
Oh, you look good, too.
♪ ♪
It's hot.
There are days as a chef
where I went, "Oh, I am sh--.
I am terrible at this."
Really?
And then there are charters
where I'm going, "Yes,
it's back.
Flavors are perfect."
♪ I am so good! ♪
-Hi.
-Whoo-hoo!
I get to look at
a pretty picture.
Oh, I was just thinking
the same thing.
Cheers to Rob.
This trip would not be possible
if I didn't have this man
right here
-working his butt off.
-I'll say.
I have to say.
Hey, here's to Mr. Wonderful.
-Yes.
-Whoo!
EJ, EJ, Lee.
-Go ahead.
-Grab Nico
and meet me on the bridge.
Roger.
Yes.
-Let's do this now.
-Looks amazing.
Thank you so much.
[laughter]
First course:
vegetarian truffle carbonara.
Mm.
That is so good.
More.
♪ ♪
-Matt, they're loving it.
-Thank you.
Today, to me,
was just a clusterf--.
We were just kind of
behind the eight ball all day.
We're not paying attention
to the details.
I don't know how many times
I heard you call somebody
on the radio today.
Nobody's f--ing
paying attention.
I'm disappointed in Nico,
and I don't think he's
living up to his potential.
Everybody knows, if I've got
a f--ing pet peeve,
it's this g*dd*mn radio.
I gave Nico the chance
to be the boatswain
for the day,
and put his money
where his mouth is,
and he still messed it up.
It upsets me a lot,
because I want him to succeed.
I want him to be at the level
where he needs to be
to handle the rest
of the season,
because if he keeps messing up,
he's out of here.
Let's just try
and keep it focused
and keep it going until
we get to the end.
-Okay?
-All right, Cap.
Oh, Cozy has a chair!
There we go.
That sweet little buddy.
I love that guy.
Wasabi mash,
with a caper-ginger reduction
with a local mahi.
It looks really,
really pretty.
-Thank you.
That's right, honey.
[chanting continuously]
♪ Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen ♪
Oh, yeah. Oh, my Jen-let!
Go girl, go girl.
This is local mahi
with a wasabi mash.
Ooh, and capers!
I love.
-And capers.
-Mm.
Jen, I think you're very pretty.
-You have brown eyes.
-Yes.
-Very beautiful.
-Cute AF.
One of the captain's
biggest pet peeves
is, like, the radio bullsh--.
People not answering back.
I completely understand.
Nico boy…
You know, I just kind of
in a sense lost hope with him.
Getting on his ass
to do things
is not gonna make him
a better person,
'cause he's not trying to
do any better.
You know?
-So…
-Yeah.
-Whoo!
-Yeah, yeah!
Hey, guys. This is called
an Eton's mess.
I love this.
-Jen, you reappeared!
-Huh?
I want… a bottle of ice water.
When I go to bed.
-Got it.
-Jen, could you pick up
that deck of cards?
Just pick up
that deck of cards.
This is great.
Yep. Mm, that's my butt.
Look at her cute butt.
She's got a cute butt.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-I'm ready.
She just touched my butt.
It just-- it happened.
Unfortunately, I guess
we serve too much,
so they think, maybe,
"Hey, I can
sexually harass
the yacht crew."
However, as an experienced
yachtie,
you learn how to deal with
these kind of charter guests,
and unfortunately,
Jen is not a yachtie.
Y'all are having
too much fun.
I know it.
Okay, I'm gonna…
do a glass of that.
I think it's on the table.
-I brought it for you.
-Thank you.
It's out here.
Yeah, you're fine.
Can you ice that for me?
Yes. We will get it
super ice-cold.
-Listen, Jen…
-Yeah?
I think you might be
giving them
mixed signals
you don't realize
that you like this.
"Oh, no." And the hand
was, like, around here.
'Cause I didn't want her coming--
I was protecting you guys.
Okay. All right.
I was getting her the f*** out of here
and I didn't want her to fall.
I'm gonna go to bed soon.
If you need anything,
my radio's on.
-Word up.
-Word to your mother.
[low-pitched jazz music]
♪ ♪
I wanted to step up
and just prove to Captain Lee
I can run this team,
I can take the responsibility,
and we don't need EJ,
and clearly, I failed at that.
♪ ♪
So, it's 10:30.
That's fine. Just hand me
that glass and good night.
Good night, guys!
Thank you, Bri.
[electronic pop music]
Hey.
-Whoa!
-Come here.
♪ ♪
Can I help you get a little
bit closer?
Holy smokes, Baker.
Lord have mercy.
Baker's got this style
about her that I like.
Yee, all right!
Something about that accent.
I don't know what it is,
but it just--
it kinda turns me on.
Have a good sleep.
Let's go check
the guest rooms
really quick
before they go to bed.
Sh--.
Okay, love you. Good night.
-Babe, let's go to sleep now.
-Goodnight.
I don't know. Are they--
-[laughs]
-In and out.
-In and out.
-Don't say "in and out."
-They'll hear you bellowing.
-[laughs]
Come on, baby, let's go.
Run!
They're coming down!
♪ ♪
Please tell me they didn't see us.
Night time, honey.
I know.
♪ ♪
I'm scared.
Coming up:
I, for one, am not really
happy with being mediocre.
[man] Come on , baby, let's go.
Run!
They're coming down!
♪ ♪
Please tell me they didn't see us.
That was so close.
[mellow rhythmic music]
♪ ♪
Good morning.
Good morning.
What a day, huh?
Lee thinks this charter
went horrible.
[blows raspberry]
Uh, honestly,
I think that too.
-Yeah.
-I mean, you've not only
stepped up to help
as a sous chef,
but you've also helped
the interior
-as a steward.
-Yep.
I'm so glad that
I'm not alone on this one.
Perfect, thank you.
Let's go, Bru-bru.
[laughs]
Good morning, Captain.
Good morning.
We got the anchor at 9:00,
sir.
Start getting it up.
♪ ♪
Anchor waterline.
Put it away.
Lock her up.
Anchor in the bucket.
Copy that. Well done.
Perfect pull, my friend.
Good job.
Let you know, we're gonna
have breakfast out really soon.
Okay.
Love the stovetop.
It's the best stovetop ever.
-Trip's flown by, hasn't it?
-Yeah, it kinda has.
At least we weren't
the snooze cruise.
We were extra booze cruise.
Port Louis marina,
motor yacht "Valor."
Motor yacht "Valor,"
this is Port Louis.
Good morning.
Good morning.
We're on our way in.
Is our dock free and clear?
That's a negative, captain.
Um, there was an emergency.
One of the boats--
it placed itself on the docks,
and for now we've got to
put you on standby
on the brick wall.
That son of a bitch.
How long are we gonna
be on that wall?
Hopefully,
for the next two hours.
What if we, um,
dropped anchor
and cut them off by tender
until the slip's clear?
That's what
we're gonna have to do.
Scrambled eggs?
-How soon?
-Would you like some?
Yes, please.
-Bonjour!
-Bonjour!
-Good morning.
-How'd y'all sleep?
Well, I slept like a baby.
I don't even remember
going to sleep.
[laughs]
So, someone's in our slip,
so that's a problem.
We're dropping anchor.
All crew.
I'm gonna need everybody
on the main deck aft at 15.
Bruno and Nico,
when you're done changing,
uh, check out the rooms.
See if anyone's
ready with luggage.
Copy that.
Give me two sh*ts now.
♪ ♪
-Two in the water.
-That should do us.
We're tendering them
to shore.
-Yes, we are.
-Okay.
-I've dropped the hook.
-Yep.
The "Intrepid's" approaching.
Okay, guys, I need
this luggage all down.
Hey, you look so pretty.
Thank you.
You guys look great.
There's been a change
in our plans.
So, we're gonna take
the "Intrepid"
-to take you to shore today.
-Okay.
Oh, you go. You do it.
Let's get everybody
on the aft deck now
for guest departure.
What's up, Burnsy?
I'm excited to meet
your bro.
Dude, I'm so excited.
[electronic pop music]
♪ ♪
-[laughs]
-Thank you, thank you.
Hey, thanks for everything.
There you go. Thank you.
Great.
-I couldn't anything.
-Yeah. No worries.
What a margarita maker.
We appreciate that.
Captain, thank you so much.
I know that we can
try people's nerves at times,
-Not at all.
-With a little bit
of, uh, alcohol going around,
but I'm sure you're
used to that on the charter.
I think it's only fair that
you, uh,
-have this for the crew…
-Thank you so much.
And I hope you enjoy it.
Thank you so much.
Hot mess express, out!
HME out.
Bye, guys!
If I had to give an acronym
for these guests,
it would be GTFO.
We'll try to come back
next week!
[laughter]
N.
CCOS: coolest crew
of the sea.
Let's go to work.
♪ ♪
Attention, motor yacht
"Valor."
Your slip has opened up.
Head on in.
All right, let's get
this anchor up.
♪ ♪
-…charter.
-Thanks, yeah.
Stay sane.
You went, like,
above and beyond.
-You really, like, k*lled it.
-Oh. Thank you.
Showtime, ladies and gents.
Do this smooth
and steady, Baker, you know?
-Yeah.
-No nervousness.
Chuck it to him. Go ahead.
I just appreciate.
I like this conversation,
and I 100% agree.
You did so well.
It means a lot to me.
Lock it in.
Good job, Bruno.
[blues music]
♪ ♪
So my-- my brother's
in town right now.
-I told him if I get--
-What time he's coming back?
Well, I told him
I want to take him
to the beach,
and then get into, uh,
like, a party bus,
and do, like,
some bar-hopping.
I'll talk to whoever else
wants to go,
but if you guys
want to come with…
-I'm in.
-All crew, all crew,
I need you guys
down in the crew mess ASAP.
-Copy.
-Roger that.
♪ ♪
What's up, guys?
Hello, hello.
♪ ♪
The envelope.
I think some of us are
making some strides forward.
I think some of us
are just treading water.
I, for one, am not really
happy with being mediocre.
Hearing the Captain Lee saying…
meedeecure… medeecures…
Thats's a hard word to say.
Well, basically,
it makes me feel horrible,
'cause I want to hear
that we all are the best.
We got 18 grand.
That's okay.
I want to see that $23,000,
$24,000 tip roll in,
but we're not earning
that kind of money now.
So that's like, 1,620 apiece?
Bru-bru.
There you go.
Please, take to heart
what I said.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
My brother's in town.
I'm gonna grab us some beer
and then, um, we're gonna
leave at 4:00.
That's a great idea.
Maybe his brother is cute.
Heck yeah, yeah.
You never know.
Like, it's a vibe thing.
♪ ♪
Ooh.
Where's everyone at?
Ah, hey!
[laughter]
-What's going on?
-Oh!
F--.
Man, this is awesome.
-How's it going?
-Good. How are you?
Take your f--ing shoes off,
man.
Just scrubbed the deck.
Given the circumstances
with my brother passing away,
it's amazing to have
my older brother come
and kind of reset my brain
and just kind of help
me out emotionally.
Not too bad, huh?
And you want to
come back to Chicago?
I don't know anymore.
-Bruno!
-Hey, how're we doing?
-Josh.
-Bruno.
Bruno? Nice to meet you, man.
This is, uh,
big brother man.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
Welcome aboard.
Thanks, thank you.
[electronic pop music]
Jen…
Move your culito.
We are ready to go.
-Okay.
-Burnsy!
-Well, hello.
-Hey. Hello.
-This is, um…
-Josh.
-Sh--. Burnsy.
-Nice to meet you, Josh.
Nice to meet you.
Captain.
this is my brother Josh.
-How're you doing, sir?
-Older brother?
-Yes.
-Older brother, yeah.
What are you doing on board?
Bri, this is Josh.
-How're you doing? Josh.
-Good. How are you?
Nice to meet you, Bri.
-What was your name?
-Josh. And yours?
-Josh. Jen.
-Jen. Nice to meet you.
He's cute.
I feel like he has the potential
to be an ex-lover of mine.
[laughs]
Coming up:
Holy moly!
[all carousing excitedly]
Let me see the bottom
of your feet, homie.
-All right, they're dirty.
-You're walking
on our f--ing yacht.
EJ, why don't you chlll out.
-Talking sh-- again?
-Yeah, I am.
Let's do this sh--.
-Vámonos, chicos.
-Yeah, man.
Brothers McFly.
-Dangerous duo.
-Party bus tonight. Whoo.
[percussion-heavy music]
It's so pretty.
Beautiful.
This is us.
This is really happening.
Ah, I wanna get in there.
Nico.
Is that a third nipple?
Yes.
-I have one too.
-Do you?
Yeah, triple nipple club!
Triple nipple club.
Yeah, man.
We shoulda brought shorts.
Damn it.
Cheers, Brus!
Cheers, big ears!
Let's take a walk,
check out the water.
God, I gotta get
some color on. [laughs]
Yeah.
What's been going on?
Just working hard?
Mom's doing good?
Uh, she's doing all right,
yeah.
It's been pretty crazy,
us being down here,
and starting over
with new crew,
and we gained a boatswain,
which surprised me.
Which one's the boatswain?
-EJ.
-EJ. Oh.
You know which one
the boatswain is.
Douchebag.
Going from being a mate
to a deckhand,
and then having a boatswain
above me--
not too happy about that.
In yachting, you always,
like,
move through the dating process
-pretty quickly, you know?
-Mm-hm.
Like, you guys are already
living together.
[laughs]
So now you're meeting
the family.
[laughs] Now I-- yes.
The thing that's happening
between Nico and I--
it's fun, it's fun now,
but we haven't talked
long-term.
I don't think like that.
Been kind of f--ing
misbehaving a bit.
-Have-- yeah?
-Yeah.
Well, f--ing Melissa
was putting
a lot of stress on me.
She didn't want me
to come down.
She wasn't getting along
with me,
and I told her, I was like,
"We need to hold this off,
and I'm gonna do what I need to
do here," and so,
she's like, "All right, fine.
F--ing do
what you want to do"
and, you know,
this chick, Bri,
she's a f--ing cool chick.
She's beautiful, and…
-Uh-oh.
-Yeah.
[laughs]
I didn't-- I didn't s--
I didn't--
well, I slept with her,
but not, like…
With her?
Just be open about it, man.
I am being open about it.
I'm being honest to her
and, you know, the thing is,
is right now,
I don't need someone
you know, giving me
that troubles.
It's hard.
When things get rough,
don't-- don't always
look to run, you know?
But I'm not saying
I can't get
a little bit loose.
[laughter]
-We need a bonfire!
-Huh?
Make me a fire, bitch.
-Whoa.
-Whoa, all right.
Josh is like,
"Give me a machete
and give me the tree.
Everybody back up!"
You're so hot.
All you gotta do is just, like,
hold a dry leaf
and then, whoosh!
-Whoosh?
-That's how fires are made.
[percussive music]
♪ ♪
God, this is nice, though.
Look at where we are.
Yeah, this is dope.
I'm a little nervous.
Do I hug her?
Do I kiss her?
What do I do?
I need to go check on
these mo-fos.
Oh, I don't know…
Let's go have a seat somewhere
or something.
EJ-- he got some moves
up the sleeve.
Oh. Ugh.
-Sand in my eyes.
-Whoo!
[man] arrrgghh!
Damn it, Baker.
That was my bad.
Oh, damn it.
-Ah!
-Let's go, people.
♪ ♪
-That happened.
-Let's go.
-Hi.
-Hi.
This is pretty cool.
-Like an old English bus.
-Hey, guys!
Welcome to the party bus.
He's already getting started.
Cheers, captain.
Can I get two of those?
Tonight, I'm getting loose.
Freako is coming out!
It's happening.
There's a stripper pole!
-Yeah, man!
-And the bus,
she rolling, man.
♪ ♪
I know you're looking for some p****
tonight, bu uh…
don't ditch me!
Whoo!
Holy moly!
Whoo!
[all talking and yelling excitedly]
[rhythmic party music]
[laughter]
Oh, crazy eyes.
That's awesome.
Whoo!
I definitely feel
Josh's vibes.
He's a little young,
but he's definitely my type.
Whoo!
I mean, I could…
Rock the cradle a little bit.
Something's happening.
Ooh, that was a workout.
I got some cigars for us.
Josh, I'm f--ing
hooking you guys up.
Gosh, I have to pee.
I have to-- I have to
change into yoga pants.
Last, last.
Oh my God, dude.
Holy f--.
I gotta clean my feet.
-Ew.
-I'm so thankful
I didn't walk on the teak.
The party bus was f--ing
skanky as all could be.
I have to go somewhere.
I don't know where.
If anyone's feet
look like this,
please wash them.
-Baker, wash your feet.
-Shut up.
Where did Jen go?
Hey. Hey, Josh.
Let's see the bottom of
your feet, homie.
F--.
Get the hell out of here.
You're walking on our
f--ing yacht. Let's see
-the bottom of your feet.
-All right, they're dirty.
Well, wash them.
You wanna get that sh--
all over our boat?
-You were.
-Come on.
What do you mean, "come on?"
You come on.
EJ, why don't you
chill out?
You see what I'm doing here.
I really don't care.
Yeah, well, I do.
These guys are dicks.
Like brother, like brother.
Congratulations. Why don't you tell my
brother again how it tastes?
What?
-Talking sh-- again, boy?
-Yeah, I am.
[dramatic music]
Next, on "Below Deck"
Excuse me.
I'm eating food.
No, I'm just saying we have
a lot to do.
Last I checked,
Kate was my boss, not you.
Our feet are f--ing dirty.
I don't want our deck
getting dirty.
[slurred] Congratulations.
Why don't you clean up?
One drunk Nico is bad.
Now I got two drunk Nicos.
I'm just running away
from drama.
Eden Alpert.
Owns her own restaurant.
Mahi Mahi, shrimp and salmon
all mixed up.
I'm sure
we can accommodate you.
I'm not even hungry anymore,
so it's okay.
F--, I need help.
Somebody jump in the water
and get in the f--ing boat.
I need Bruno.
I need you.
Moron.
I need to go to the hospital.
05x09 - Hot Mess Express
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Show chronicles the lives of the crew members who work and reside aboard a superyacht during charter season.
Show chronicles the lives of the crew members who work and reside aboard a superyacht during charter season.