01x08 - CrossFit

[bunniefuu]

- Subscribe to my weightlifting
channel today, idiot.

And get RIPPED!

[grunts]

- And cut.

- Whew. Wow. Thank you guys so,
so much.

You are the sweetest.

- It's been a pleasure,
Mr. Pecs...

Wow, your hands are so warm.

- [Ryan] Oh, sorry I'm
so late guys.

- Where were you?

I had to run camera and direct.
We look so unprofessional.

- Uh, no. I'm pretty sure our
new business cards

did that for us.

- [Micah] I told you, okay?

I'm sorry I didn't
catch the typo.

- Well, can you say sorry


because that's how many
we've rented.

- Oh, clip art.

- Nah, we couldn't afford clip
art, that's clap fart.

- Oh, clap fart.

- Where were you?

- I'm sorry. I had to help my
grandma change a flat tire.

- She still drives?

- Technically.

- Here's a Werther, love.

- My favorite. Thanks, Grandma.

Where are you going?

- I've gotta hit the freeway
before rush hour.

[upbeat music]

- So, video should be
done Thursday?

- Yes. We would have it
to you sooner,

but we got invited to a black
tie gala tomorrow night.

- Well, we got invited to film
a black tie gala,

but we're all still very excited
because the food is free.

- I shaved my legs for this.

- ♪ Fancy, francy,
dancy thighs. ♪

- Okay. Truth time.

I don't have the money
to pay you guys.

- What?

And you waited until after we
filmed to tell us?

I rescind my attraction to you.

- What?

- Oh, don't be coy.

- No, listen.

I just don't have the money to
pay you right now, okay?

We got set back thousands
of dollars because

some weird drifter came in this
morning and broke the sauna.

- How do you break a sauna?

- It's not easy, but
it can be done.

- Saunas in Copenhagen could
withstand far more pressure.

- Mr. Gandolfini?

- What do you mean
more pressure?

- What does he mean,
more pressure?

- Aren't you a pretty pony.

- Okay, get out of here.

Leave before you break something
else here. Creeper.

- Farewell, my friends!

- Not that, we're not friends.

- Love you!

[upbeat theme music]

[electronic b*at]

- Sanitize this.

Look, I'm so sorry what
happened with the payment,

but this is a pretty nice gym,
okay?

You guys can work out
here free today.

We've got some women's yoga
pants in the lost and found,

you can borrow those.

And I'll even throw in
a free case of

Mr. Pec's pec juice.

It's got a real kick because
it's not approved by the FDA.

- Oh.

- Well, we do have to get
into red carpet shape

for the gala tomorrow.

- Takes more than a day to
get into shape.

- By this time tomorrow,
we're going to look

like the Rock's left arm.

- Oo.

- What does that even mean?

- Okay, work out rule
number one, don't eat.

Rule number two, sharp pains
are your friend,

rule number three, spotters
are for quitters.

- The more you talk, the
more concerned I am.

- And we can work out here
all day, you say?

- Yeah, but I meant
work out all day.

- Oh, we're going to get
our money's worth.

[upbeat electronic beats]

- Ah!

- Ahhh!

♪ Let's go ♪

[electronic beats]

- It's a protein expl*si*n.

♪ Let's go ♪

[electronic beats]

- Your muscles have muscles.

- Mom!

- Woo! Aha.

- You've gotta pec yourself
before you wreck yourself.

- Ah!

- You're doing great, Micah.

- We've gotta get rid of that
expired pec juice.

[electronic beats]

- Ow.

- Where's the bathroom?

[electronic beats]

- Ah!

[birds chirping]

- Oh, it hurts to blink.

I can't move. I'm so sore,
I can't move.

Devin! Devin!

- Ahhh! What you need, girl?

- I can't move at all.

- I got you. Here I come.

Ah, no, I'm paralyzed too,
except for this hand.

But I can't move the fingers.

- This is not good.

- What time is it?

- I don't know, morning?



- We slept for 21 hours?

- Oh, 1,045 minutes. Owen,
wake up!

- Ryan, wake up!

[vomits]

- Whew. Ugh.

- What was that?

- Mr. Pec's pec powder.

It layers the esophagus.

- Ryan, we have to get dressed
and get to the gala

in 45 minutes. Owen!

- Owen, woo.

I can kind of move my left
leg a little bit.

I don't have much control, but
I'll try and arouse him.

Yeah.

- Oh

[vomits]

Why? Ugh.

- Wait. Where's Micah?

- He's on the futon perch.
Micah!

- Micah!

We're going to need to
shake him awake.

Help me out here, Ryan.

- Okay. [grunts]

Hey, we make a good team.

- Team Hand-foot.

- Oh.

- Ah!

- He dead.

- Ahhh. [mumbles]

- Oh my gosh, he can't talk.

- Oh, he brain dead.

- [cries]

- Micah, look at me.

Communicate with your eyes. He
needs licorice, STAT!

- Wait, no guys.

I think his mouth's just
screwed up from all those

mouth curls he did.

- 45, 46, 47, 48,

It's so hilarious that we're
just watching this.

- Right?

- 49, 50!

- Ah!

[cheering]

- Woo hoo!

- But mouth curls should only
make his mouth stronger.

- I think we have to face the
fact that none of us

know how to work out properly.

- Speak for yourself!

I'm sorry. I don't know why I
felt so defensive about that.

- Okay. Everyone on the
count of three,

try to get up.



[grunting]

- Oh!

- Come on!

- Ahhh!

- What's popping?

- Okay, does anybody have
a phone on them?

We can call for help.

- There's nowhere to
put a phone.

We're all wearing yoga pants.

- Wait, I have my phone.

My yoga pants have a
back pocket.

- Zona, can you reach it?

- I can't move my hands.

- Neither can I. Here.

I'll get closer.

- I don't, I don't
want to do this.

- You must.

- It's not that weird. He's
practically your brother.

- That's exactly what
makes it weird!

- Think of your brother's butt.

- I can't look away because I
did too many neck lurches.

- Don't you mean lunges?

- That's where I went wrong.

[gagging]

- Could you please
stop groaning?

You're hurting my feelings.

- Oh, and it's dead!

- Ah, that's right.

While we were at the gym, I
dropped it in the toilet.

[gagging]

- Well, friends,

I think we need to prepare to be
found dead this way.

- Bet they have all kinds of
fancy foods at that gala.

Meats, cheeses, skittles.

- Oh, [mumbles].

- I'm not ready to die, guys.

I still need to watch
The Cosby Show.

- No, you don't.

- I wanted to go back and
look for clues.

- Guys, come on! We can do this,
okay?

We just have to get our clothes
on and get to the gala

in 40 minutes, and then the
free feast is ours.

- How are we going to do that,
Zona?

We only have one hand and one
foot functioning between us.

- Don't underestimate the power
of team Hand Foot.

- A bird in the foot, is
worth two in the hand!

- Makeover!

[upbeat music]

- Am I beautiful?

- No, you look insane.

- ♪ I've got the power, the
power's in me ♪

- Do you guys hear that?

I'm gonna call for help.

- From Mr. Gandalfini?

- So our death is
better than Mr.,

- No!

- Mr. Gandalfini?

- Yes?

- Zona!

- We really need your help.

You have permission to
enter the premises.

- I've been waiting
for this day!

I'll bring my tote bag.

- Did he say tote bag
or toad bag?

- I thought he said toe bag.

- I don't want him to bring
any of those things.

- Ah!

- How did you get in
here so quickly?

- I know a secret passage.

So, this is where the
magic happens.

What can I do for you?

[electronic beats]

- Do we all agree to never speak
of what's just happened?

- Absolutely.

- Yup.

- Looks like my work
here is done.

Toodaloo. [singing]

- This gala better be amazing.

- Guys, I still can't
move at all.

How are we going to get there?

- I have an idea.

Alexa, call grandma.

- We don't have an Alexa, Ryan.

- Grandma!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ We just got to
stick together ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ To survive the
stormy weather ♪

- You always come when I call.

- And I always will, moose.
Always.

♪ You know it's going to
be all right ♪

♪ As long as we all
stick together ♪

- We made it.

- Did anybody bring our
film equipment?