01x03 - Karate!

[bunniefuu]

- [Man] The best treatment can
only be found here

at JP´s pharmacy, we stock the
latest in medical,

and non-medical..

- Is it just me or does it
sound like someone

is dying in the background?

- Huh, that, that
might've been me.

What happened was I
worried that my breath

would be picked up on
the microphones,

so I try to hold it,

but some of the takes were
really, really long,

so I ended up gasping.

- This take was 15 seconds.

- That is a decent amount of
time, Miss judgy.

[door opening]

- Oh, really?

- Yes, it is.

- Guys, we've got the
coolest client.

- Danny DeVito?

[table crunches]

- What?

- Is that no?

- I'm sorry, you
think Danny DeVito

is the coolest client
we could have?

What would we even do for him?

Make an ad for short pants?

- They´re just called shorts.

- I don't have to defend
myself on this.

That man is a legend, have
you seen Twins?

- Have you seen Batman returns?

- Have you seen Field of Dreams?

- I don't think he's
in that one.

- Hmm, you passed the test.

- I'm not even saying I don't
like Danny DeVito.

I'm just saying that out of the


- Seven.

- 7 billion people on earth,





you think Danny DeVito is
the number one?

- Where do I rank on this list?

- So you think you are cooler
than Danny DeVito?

- Sure.

- Danny DeVito while only a mere
four feet, 11 inches tall

is twice the man you are.

- You know his height?

How long have you been
obsessed with this man?

- Hmm, as long as I've had two
eyes and a heart!

- Was there ever a time where
she didn't have those things?

[Micah gasps]

- We're not on speaking
terms you and I,

not until you would
tone for this.

- Oh, okay, how would I do that?

By telling you that his voice
portrayal of the Lorax

makes him a modern James Dean?

- One more word Owen Darby
and I will end you!

- Good, cause I don't wanna
live in a world where

Danny DeVito is the
coolest man alive!

- You already do.

[steps on floor]

- So... Who was the client?

- It was this guy with one arm
who runs a taco truck.

[glass breaking]

- So you think it's cooler
than Danny DeVito?

- He makes tacos with one hand!

[slap on face]

[Ryan gasps]

- I did that with one head.

I guess you must think I'm
pretty fly now.

[Arizona panting]

[Devin takes breath]

[stopwatch beeps]

[Devin breathing heavily]

- Sweet Glory!

[upbeat music]

[bouncy music]

[door opens]

- Hey guys, how'd it go
with the dojo?

- It was awesome.

- So good!

- That´s great!

It's about time we had an ad we
could be proud of.

- Oh yeah, yeah, that'll be
great or whatever,

but afterwards we'd have to
do a free lesson.

We learned the ways of
the ancient, Zona.

[Micah screams]

- Sensei taught us how to focus
and center our chis,

and now, we are
machines of death.

- Hmm

Oh!

[Micah laughs]

I almost d*ed.

- Man, why are you guys
telling me this?

You know I have serious FOMO.

Are you talking it up so
I'll be jealous?

- These hands...

These hands.

[traditional flute music]

- I never knew they could create
such beautiful things.

- Or destroy them.

[guys scream]

We call ourselves the
karate cobras.

[guys hiss]

[door opens and closes]

- Guys guess what?

I got a new vehicle.

[Micah laughs]

- Yes! Now we can finally
transport sound equipment.

Praise!

[Devin and Micah shout]

[birds singing]

- I feel deceived.

[Devin hits vehicle]

- I won her in a back alley
game of crazy eights.

And I'll tell you that can
live up to its name.

Isn't she beautiful?

- I suppose, after today's
enlightenment though,

I'm not really interested in
material things.

- Like fabrics?

- They did an ad for the dojo
today and now they think

they're Bruce Norris.

[light traffic in background]

- Bruce Norris?

- Please.

[Micah chuckles]

I know I made a mistake,

but I can't take the
ridicule right now.

- Very well.

[Micah breathing heavily]

We will forbear.

- Let's go cobras.

[steps away]

- If you're feeling stressed,
perhaps a scooter ride...

- No.

- They´ll come around
Scoots McGoots.

They´ll come around.

[Devin hits the vehicle]

[techno music]

- Owen, can you look at this
edit for the wedding venue ad?

The deadline's tomorrow night,

- Young Zona, the universe
has no deadlines.

When you become one

with everything, you'll
understand that

the past and future are
merely illusions.

All things are in the present.

- So this is what it feels like
to want to k*ll somebody.

- Control your emotions,
young padawan.

Or your emotions..

[Arizona shouts]

will control you

[flute music]

I feel so cool right now, I
can't even describe.

[steps away]

- Savor this moment,
Owen Darby,

she can never know you were
reaching for the slinky.

[Owen sings "you´re the best"]

[spring sound]

[bouncy music]

[Devin humming]

- Scoots!

Who did this to you?

Tell momma!

[metal crushes]

[Devin groans]

My girl...

I forgot my keys and my wallet.

These are not my pants.

[cheerful music]

Did anyone of you see who
knocked over my scooter?

- Did you just forget to put
the kickstand down?

I assume it has a kickstand,
since it's basically

a bicycle for adult children.

- You just lost
scooter privileges.

[Owen chuckles]

- Like I care.

Dang it!

- Just let me...

[Devin gasps]

[jumps on floor]

- Ohh, Scoots!

It's tipped again.

Heads will roll for this,
faces will be eaten!

Calm down Devin and it was
probably just a raccoon,

they're always rummaging
through that alleyway.

- What?

They know that's my
rummage territory.

Gotta find their leader,
make an example.

Do these pants belong
to any of you?

- No.

- Where did they come from?

Ghost pants.

[door closes]

- Cause you can't see them.

- Oh!

There it is.

- It took me a minute.

[playful music]

[Owen brrs]

[Owen breaths in]

- Gettin itchy, it's been too
long since I punched a man.

- Me too. I need an outlet to
release my new powers.

- We should go for a walk.

- Yes, please leave.

- A walk? Oh, I need to use
my new skills, man.

I'll walk in the bad
part of town.

- Aren't we in the bad
part of town?

- Hmm hmm, lucky for us.

- Unlucky for our enemies.

- And your friends who
you have left out!

- [Owen] Ryan?

- You guys seriously want to
walk around the streets

at night on the off chance
that we'll run into

some criminals and have to
use our ninja skills

to exact vigilante justice on
them like Batman?

Okay, I am in.

[Micah gasps]

- Seriously?

You guys gonna wear
ninja masks too?

- We should wear ninja masks!

- Yes, please

- I was mocking you!

- Let's roll cobras.

[guys hiss]

- Zona.

We'll see you later.

[steps on floor]

[bouncy music]

[scooter falls]

- No! Who in the world
could be that fast?

[flute music]

- Ninjas!

- Guys, we've been
prowling for an hour

and haven't even
seen one felony!

Prime Time television has really
screwed up my expectation!

- You're right.

I don't know what I
was hoping for.

[guys gasp]

[battle music]

- This is what I was hoping for.

- Ohh, Prime Time television
perfectly understands

the world we live in.

- Oh, I hope they're a bad guy.

Do you think that they are?

I mean the fog and
everything is very ominous,

but I would hate to assume.

[guys scream]

- Owen!

[guys scream]

[high intensity music]

[door opens and closes]

[guys complaining]

- Zona!

Help us!

- What happened?

- We were att*cked by a
crazy person!

- Who was too much for us.

He was a shark and we were a
fish that clearly

don't know karate.

- Oh! Guys! The craziest
thing just happened!

What happened?

- The cobras were att*cked by
a mongoose tonight.

- You saw a mongoose?

Where?

Was it in my rummage territory?

- No, we got beaten up, Devin,
by some David Crockett

looking homeless dude.

[fabric sliding]

- Was he wearing this?

- Yes!

- It was you?

[rock music]

[guys screaming]

[electric charge]

[Owen screaming]

- How am I still conscious?

- Why did you att*ck us?

- I lost full control of
my body, Devin!

Full control!

That ally was a
health hazard now!

- I didn't know it was you guys.

Although there was a point
where I thought

I recognized Owen´s crying.

[rock music]

[Owen screaming]

- Full control!

- I thought you guys were the
ones tipping over my scooter!

- No it was I!

[guys gasp]

- I forgot you were here.

- How could you have tripped
over the scooter?

You were inside with
all of us...

- I hired
Mr. Gandolfini to do it.

- He touched my scooter?

Now I gotta bleach
the whole thing!

I knew that if Devin's beloved
new scooter were in danger,

she'd go to great lengths
to protect it.

And so she did.

All I had to do was point her
towards some likely culprits

- Our masks!

[Micah gasps]

- You guys gonna wear
ninja masks too?

- We should wear ninja masks!

- And so the trap is set.

For you, Danny.

[Arizona sings "Livin´
DeVito loca"]

I thought that if I planted
the idea inside

your foolish heads, you'd
take the bait.

Once Devin saw a group of ninjas
roaming around her scooter,

it was a "fait de complete".

It was a done deal.

- Ohhh

- Okay

- Zona, that is not cool!

My gorgeous lips got busted up
and Owen can barely walk,

and Ryan as a dent in his head.

- What?

- Three dents actually.

But it was two before tonight,

both were from the
same golf ball.

- Wow, I had no idea Devin
could be that brutal.

- You didn't think I
would savagely injur

a group of random strangers?

You think so little of me!

- What have I done? I, I
manipulated you.

I've exacted revenge on you.

Owen,

I completely emasculated you.

- Well, are we
saying completely?

- Completely emasculated.

- We don't have
to repeat it, no.

- It´s just none left.

- I have some left.

- So sorry everyone.

- [Owen] We forgive you, Zona.

- We do?

- Even though her actions were
cruel and manipulative

and strangely attractive to me,

we are the ones who drove
her to those actions

through our cruelty.

Forgiven, forgiven.

- Forgiven, forgiven.

- Plus, I had to go
full John Cena,

and you know I like to go
full John Cena.

- You have my respect, Devin.

- You would've made
Bruce Norris proud.

[everyone laughing]

- I've been waiting all day to
bring that one back.

[Micah grunts]

- Oh, Okay, let's get
me do my urgent.

- Oh, yeah

- Urgently!

- Okay, we got it, we got it.

- Urgently!

- Here we go, here we go!

- Coordinate!

[car traffic in background]

[scooter falls]

[man giggles]

[scooter falls]

[man giggles]

[scooter falls]

[steps on floor]

- Shh

[man doing run noises]

[scooter falls]