01x04 - The Ghouls

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music playing]

[coughs]

[Ghoul] Ain't much stays clean
up here, Vaultie.

[g*n cocks]

You'll see.

[Norm] I don't think it's our job
to help these people.

They're murderers.

So what do you propose we do?

We can do what they would've done to us.

- [crowd gasps]
- Wow.

They k*lled my husband.

If your father were here, he'd...

he'd do the right thing.

You okay?

[Chet] The whole
"opening the vault door for Lucy" thing

didn't sit too well
with the council, so...

I guess I'm not Gate-Keeper anymore.

[Lucy] I need the head.

It's the only way
I can get my father back.

[screams]

You can't treat people like this!

[growls]

[Ghoul] Yeah, why is that?

[grunts]

Because of the Golden Rule.

[Ghoul] Wasteland's got
its own golden rule.

Thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit
every g*dd*mn time.

[♪ Jack Shaindlin: "Let's Go Sunning"]

♪ Let's go sunning ♪

♪ It's so good for you ♪

♪ Let's go sunning ♪

♪ Neath the sky of blue ♪

♪ Greet the sun every morn ♪

♪ Feel as free and happy
as the day you were born ♪

- [Ghoul coughing]
- ♪ Let's go native ♪

♪ Sun your cares away ♪

♪ Be creative ♪

♪ Learn to live and play ♪

♪ Pretty flowers need the sun ♪

♪ This applies to everyone ♪

♪ Life's worth living ♪

♪ When nature's giving ♪

- ♪ Happiness to everyone ♪
- [Roger] Roger!

- My name is Roger!
- ♪ So let's go sunning ♪♪

[Roger snarling]

[Lucy panting]

[Roger snarling]

[Roger] My name is Roger.

[tense music playing]

My name is Roger.

[snarling]

Roger.

[yelping]

Roger. My name is Roger.

My name is Roger.

My name's Roger.

[grunting]

My name is Roger.

[Ghoul] Hey, Rog.

[laughing] Hey. Hey.

Fancy seeing you out here.

You out for that bounty, too, huh?

Yep.

[snarling]

[wailing]

Oh, sh*t.

- How you feeling?
- Oh...

[chuckles]

[exhales]

You know... it's hard out here.

Dang smoothies can be so unkind.

[panting]

I see you got a smoothie of your own.

[snarling]

- You're turning.
- [grunts]

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

Maybe. [chuckles]

Hey, you-you don't happen
to have any vials, do you?

[sniffles]

Just one little puff
and I'll be back on my feet.

You know I'm good for it.

I'm sorry, Roger. I'm all out.

That's okay. That's okay.

Though, um, you and your
smooth-faced friend, you, um...

might want to clear out...
before things get ugly.

[snarls]

I did okay.

Twenty-eight years
since I first started showing.

[yelling]

Oh, hell.

[grunting]

Not as long as you, though.

You've outlasted us all.

How long since
you first started wastelanding?

A long time.

That's a lot of vials.

[Ghoul] Well, I've always been good

at making money, Roger.

[exhales]

Say...

...you remember how good
food used to taste?

Yeah. BlamCo Mac & Cheese.

- Ice cream and apple pie.
- [laughs]

Hot damn.

Apple pie.

You know, my mom used to...

[holsters g*n]

[Lucy] Wait...

Why'd you do that?

He was sick.

[grunting]

[crunch]

Stop. Stop, stop. Please, I...

No, I know it's hard up here,
but you don't... you don't have...

you don't have to resort to... to...

What'd you say your name was?

Lucy MacLean.

[suspenseful music playing]

MacLean?

Huh.

- [squishing]
- Well, Lucy MacLean,

it ain't all canned peaches and marmalade
left up here, sweetheart.

Sometimes a fella's got to eat a fella.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm.

You know, my vault
has endured hardship, too.

In the Great Plague of '77,

everyone had to quarantine,
they couldn't work the farms together.

People starved.

My mother included.

My dad dropped to 128 pounds,

and he still refused
to do anything like this.

[laughs]

What? What's so funny?

Well, there's what people say they did

and what they really did.

I'll bet your daddy
was first in line at the cookout.

I bet he had a bib with a drawing
of his neighbor's ass on there.

How do you live like this?

Why keep going?

[dark music playing]

Well, one good question deserves another.

Why the f*ck am I doing all the work?

Now come on, Vaultie.

Ass jerky don't make itself.

[vocalist yodeling]

[tense music playing]

- [♪ Michael Brown: "Just Fine"]
- ♪ Hello, ladies, how are you? ♪

♪ Just fine, just fine ♪

- ♪ Hello, fellas, how are you? ♪
- ♪ Just fine ♪

♪ It's real fine weather
when we all can get together ♪

- [Reg whistling]
- ♪ And we're all just fine, just fine ♪

♪ Are you glad that you are here...

- Morning, Woody.
- Morning, Reg.

- Nice work on your posters.
- Oh, thanks, Reg.

I've been admiring yours as well.

- Any luck?
- [snoring]

I asked him all sorts of questions.

Who he is, who he works for,

why his colleagues kidnapped
Overseer MacLean.

What organizing principle, if any,
they operate under.

Nothing, huh?

[exhales]

[Reg] Two hundred years with no contact.

The terrible things this creature
must have been through.

- [shouts]
- What's he doing?

[Woody] Oh, no.

Sir? Please stop.
You will injure yourself.

f*ck you!

We better tranq him again.

- For his own safety.
- We'll try again tomorrow.

♪ ♪

There you are.

Thought you might be up here.

Made pie if you'd like a piece.

I was there the first time that you tried
rhubarb pie and ice cream.

You sure did like pie that day.

You came here to talk to me
about what I said at the assembly.

And why do you think that is?

It upset people.

You don't like it when people get upset.

But you do?

You're not the only one that feels
the absence of your father.

People here are hurting.

Disoriented.

And with your sister gone,
you're the last standing MacLean.

Your voice carries more weight
than you might realize.

I hid.

During the raid,
I got in a storage space and I hid.

[dramatic music playing]

Does that make you angry?

Why does it matter?

Regular boys...

...can get angry
and they'll just pee on the wall.

When clever boys like you are angry...

Hmm.

You're lucky not to have seen
where that can lead.

Just tread lightly.

That's all I ask.

[Ghoul coughing]

[vocalist yodeling]

[panting]

[rad meter peaking]

[Ghoul clears throat]

Mmm.

[dramatic music playing]

[peaking intensifies]

[pants]

Now you're getting it.

[gulping]

How does that Golden Rule jibe with what's
going through your head right now?

What are you?

Oh, I'm you, sweetie.
You just give it a little time.

[labored coughing]

[tense music playing]

[Lucy grunting]

[jarring music playing]

[groaning]

[grunting]

Where you think you going?
You ain't going nowhere.

There you are, you little k*ller.

Aah!

[screams]

[panting]

Now, that right there is the closest thing
we've had to an honest exchange so far.

[♪ Buddy Holly: "What to Do"]

♪ What to do
now that she doesn't want me ♪

♪ That's what haunts me ♪

♪ What to do ♪

♪ What to do to keep from being lonely ♪

- ♪ Want her only ♪♪
- [knock at door]

- Hey.
- Hey.

I thought I'd just stop by
and see how you're doing.

- Not great, to be honest.
- Mm.

First I lost Lucy, and then
I lost my job as the Gate-Keeper.

- Right.
- How are you handling the, uh...

...death of the father
of your unborn baby?

Same.

I was actually just organizing
some of Bert's things, and,

well, I thought maybe
you might want some of them?

Oh.

[mutters]

This is all that's left of him.

He was a good man, Steph.

You think so?

Of course. I mean, what can you say?

Well...

He took great care of his shoes.

You know, it was one
of the few things he truly loved.

Get him talking about shoe maintenance,

and... [chuckles]

he'd just carry on
until everyone left the room.

I loved him so much.

And those monsters took him away from me.

Awful.

Hate those guys.

It would mean a lot to me
if you took Bert's shoes.

Wow.

Thank you, Steph. I'll...

- I'll try to wear them.
- Oh, good.

And this...

[gasps]

Oh, Bert.

Bert... Bert. [crying]

- Okay...
- Oh, Bert.

Oh, Bert. [sobs]

Oh, Bert. [kisses]

Oh, Bert.

Bert.

Bert.

[♪ The Swallows:
"It Ain't the Meat [It's the Motion]"]

Oh, no, no, no.

Could you just keep it on while we...?

Oh, yeah, of course, I'm sorry.

- What was I thinking?
- [chuckling]

♪ Makes your daddy want to rock ♪

Oh, Bert.

- Yes, I am Bert.
- Yeah.

[Steph panting]

[Steph moans]

Now, that is one wet lady.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

[gasping]

[both chuckle]

- Bert!
- Oh! - ♪ It's the movement ♪

♪ That gives it the sock. ♪

[suspenseful music playing]

[Ghoul] Transaction.

[attendant] Yes?

Two-month supply of vials.

Exchange one female.
Mint condition.

Near mint condition.

[attendant] Condition grading requires
physical evaluation.

Please send her in.

[lock buzzes, latch clicks]

What's in there?

You're about to find out.

You're selling me?

You got problems
out here, too, sweetheart.

Best you try your luck behind that door.

Go on.

[dramatic music playing]

[wheezing]

[♪ Sam Fonteyn: "Journey into Melody"]

Welcome.

- What the fudge?
- Fudge? There's no fudge here.

Only a General Atomics International
Mark 4.

That's what I am.
You seem to be a woman.

Please, sir, my name is Lucy MacLean.

My dad's been taken
and I-I-I've been kidnapped.

[stammers] He's right outside...

I say, you've lost a finger.

Ah, that won't do at all.

Let's get you taken care of.
Follow me.

Okay.

Apologies for the mess.

Time flies by lately.

Especially since my temporal sensors
went out in the Great w*r.

That must have been a week ago, at least.

Would you mind taking a seat
on that gurney in front of you?

Now, what have we here?

Too fat, too withered.

Ah, this one'll do it.

Eh, you're lucky
I don't have to use a thumb.

Our finger inventory's in a sorry state.

Now, if you give me your hand...

[Lucy panting]

Okay, you're going to feel a slight pinch.

[soft whirring]

[Lucy] Thank you.

- I say.
- I really do appreciate this.

But listen, a big fish ate my head,
and I need my head to get back to my dad...

There now.

That's much better, isn't it?

- Thank you, that...
- Not a problem.

That feels really, really nice.

Now, would you prefer a dressing
of high-quality synthetic fibers,

classic cotton,
or a comforting synthetic-cotton blend?

You have... real cotton?

Of course. Don't you?

[sighs softly]

Thank you.

You know, that...
that creature that brought me here, he...

You seem unhappy.

- He did not treat me very courteously.
- Really?

When I pointed out that he wasn't
following the Golden Rule,

he put a leash around my neck
and he made me drink from puddle water

that I'm pretty sure was just
some kind of animal pee.

Well, that is interesting.

- And I thought I was here to be a sex sl*ve.
- What?!

No! What a disgusting idea.

[chuckles]

I'm simply going to harvest your organs.

Huh?

[grunts softly]

[guard] Dessert tray incoming.

[prisoners chattering indistinctly]

[prisoner] Hey, hey.

[prisoner 2] You gonna take that from her?

You gonna take that?

Hey, Norm.

Veronica.

Wait, they're getting Jell-O cake?

Those are my orders.

[sighs]

I wonder what your dad
would say about this.

He'd be handing them the cake himself.

Yeah. He was a saint.

Do you want it?

Mm-hmm.

Nobody's gonna know.

[chuckles] Yeah.

I'm gonna put this in my fridge.

What are you looking at?

[door closes]

A m*rder*r in a cage

paying the price for what you did to us.

For what you did
to the innocent people in Vault 32.

[ominous music playing]

I don't know what the people
in Vault 32 were up to.

But it was anything but innocent.



[ominous music playing]

[Steph groaning]

Norm. Hi.

[Steph screams]

Feel like getting out of the house?

Yes.

[screams]

[mysterious music playing]

[Norm] Maybe he was messing with me,

but one of the raiders told me
there was something up in 32.

[Chet] Uh-huh.

Well, this isn't exactly fun for me, Norm.

[Norm] Then why'd you come?

[Chet] To be honest, I don't know.

You don't think it's because
you're still in love with my sister

and being around me reminds you of her?

[Chet scoffs]

Hmm.

[grunts]

This is so wrong.

Come on. [grunts]

You have to see this.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

♪ ♪

You see?

Whatever happened here
happened a long time ago.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[clicking, beeping]

The last bio-signal detected
was two years ago.

[faint, indistinct chatter on TV]

[TV announcer] This rodent colony
is called a mouse utopia.

Inside, the mice enjoy all the amenities...

all the food they can eat,
all the padding they can sleep on...

but eventually overpopulation occurs.

The mice fight for the once bountiful
food, the once endless space.

They eat each other
in their desperation to survive.

So, if they were already dead
when the raiders got here,

who k*lled them?

I mean, it looks like they strangled
each other with their hands.

It just doesn't make any sense.

[♪ Sam Fonteyn: "Journey into Melody"]

[Snip Snip whistling]

[Rose] Lucy.

[Rose] Lucy, sweetie,

what are you doing out here?

♪ ♪

[Martha] My name is Martha.

Martha. My name is Martha.

Martha. My name is Martha. Martha.

My name is Martha.

Martha.

[Snip Snip] Pardon the interruption.

Our latest arrival has arrived.

Oh, sh*t.

What are they asking, Snip Snip?

Sixty vials.

We can do 60.

- Fantastic.
- Oh, do her now

so she's ready for the next pickup.

Excellent idea as always, sir.

Thanks, Snip Snip.

Do excuse me.

Nice robot.

[Snip Snip] Where are you from again?

[Lucy groaning]

Never been there myself.
Hope to go there someday soon.

♪ ♪

Here we are.
Let's get on with it, shall we?

We don't want to keep
your associate waiting.

[ominous music playing]

Sir, you can't do this.

Please, I need my organs.

Now, don't be afraid.

A little snip-snip
and it will all be over.

Hold still now.

This won't hurt a bit.

Excuse me.

[paddles charge]

[garbled, overlapping phrases]

There's no fudge here.

I am ever-ready to serve...

to serve... to serve.

[cartoon sound effects on TV]

[chuckles]

Hands up.

Do as I say,
and Snip Snip doesn't get hurt.

[man] [on TV] Calling all cars.

It's a f*cking robot.

Yeah, you might as well be holding
an air conditioner hostage.

[Huey] Well, an air conditioner
sounds nice, though.

[Squirrel] Yeah, an air conditioner
would be a big deal.

But you know what I mean.

Totally. The question was,

does she know what you mean?

[Lucy] Yeah. I think I do.

That's why I put
Abraxo Draining Fluid in his syringes.

Snip Snip, tell them what Abraxo does
to the human body.

If you've got a c-c-clog
that's full of muck,

trust Abraxo Draining Fluid
t-t-to get it unstuck.

It's v-v-very poisonous.

Okay, you can walk out of here.

Not just me.

Them, too.

[uplifting music playing]

[ghouls snarling]

Hey, thank you.

I said all of them.

Lady, those-those ones,
you don't understand...

Whoa.

[alarm blares]

Don't be scared.

You're free. Go.

[snarling]

Oh, gosh.

[snarling]

[intense music playing]

- [shouts]
- [Snip Snip] Hello there.

Goodbye.

Martha. My name is Martha.

[snarling]

[tense music playing]

Martha. My name is Martha.

That's right. Your name is Martha.

[snarling]

No. No.

[growling] Martha. My name is Martha.

Please, please.

Come on, I know there's someone
in there. Talk to me.

Please!

[panting]

[somber music playing]

[Snip Snip] Pardon me, madam.

Could I help you have a better day?

No, thank you.

[dramatic music playing]

Oh, geez.

[grunts]

[Chet] Okay.

I think it's safe to say
they went bananas.

This still doesn't explain
how the raiders got in.

These people were crazy.

If there were any survivors down here,

they probably opened the door
and welcomed the raiders right in.

[typing on keyboard]

[suspenseful music playing]

It says it was opened from the outside.

No.

They'd need a Pip-Boy to open the door.

They had one.

Whose?

My mom's.

[dramatic music playing]

[labored breathing]

You don't get these,
you turn into one of those?

That how it works?

I may end up looking like you...

...but I'll never be like you.

Golden Rule, m*therf*cker.

[majestic music playing]

- [♪ The Andrews Sisters: "I Can Dream, Can't I?"]
- ♪ Dream on ♪

♪ Dream ♪

♪ On...

[grunting]

♪ I can see ♪

♪ No matter how near ♪

♪ You'll be ♪

♪ You'll never belong ♪

♪ To me ♪

[coughs]

♪ But I can dream, can't I? ♪

♪ Can't I pretend that I'm locked ♪

♪ In the bend ♪

♪ Of your embrace? ♪

♪ For dreams ♪

♪ Are just like wine ♪

♪ And I am drunk ♪

♪ With mine ♪

♪ I'm aware ♪

♪ My heart is a sad affair...

Are you sh1tting me?

♪ There's much disillusion ♪

♪ There ♪

♪ But I can dream ♪

♪ Can't I...

Whoo!

Ah. I'd love to share
some of this with y'all, but...

[grunts]

...y'all weren't invited to this party.

[chuckles]

♪ There ♪

♪ But I can dream ♪

♪ Can't I? ♪

♪ Can't I adore you? ♪

♪ Although we are oceans apart? ♪

♪ I can't make you open your heart ♪

♪ But I can dream ♪

♪ Can't I? ♪♪

[grunts]

[sighs]

[clicks]

[Western-style music playing over TV]

[g*nsh*t]

[man groaning over TV]

There's an old Mexican eulogy,
"Feo, fuerte y formal."

Means he was ugly, strong,

and had dignity.

- Well, Joey...
- [g*n cocks over TV]

...I'll give you
two out of three on that front.

[g*nsh*t]

[grunts]

I hope you like the taste of lead,
you commie son of a bitch.

[triumphant music playing over TV]

Yee-haw!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[♪ Sam Fonteyn: "Journey into Melody"]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪