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John: welcome,
Welcome, welcome
To "last week tonight."
I'm john oliver.
Thank you so much
For joining us.
We have been away for most
Of july.
So we've clearly missed a lot,
From kid rock possibly running
For the senate to
O.j. Simpson getting parole to
Jared kushner actually speaking
Out loud following his testimony
Before a senate committee.
My name is jared kushner.
I am senior adviser to president
Donald j. Trump.
When my father-in-law decided to
Run for president, I served his
Campaign the best I could.
John: I told you that's what
His voice sounded like!
I told you, and you wouldn't
Believe me!
That happened on monday.
That happened this monday.
And if it feels like it happened
A month ago, that's all thanks
To president trump, who seems to
Be bending the space-time
Continuum in order to fill
A week with more news than it
Can scientifically contain.
And this week may've actually
Been notable not just for
The terrible things trump tried
To do but for how terribly
He tried to do them.
Take what happened on wednesday
Morning.
A policy pronouncement
From the president of
The united states.
He just took a major stance,
Saying that he will ban
Transgender people from serving
In the u.s. Military.
John: look, that's as hateful
As it is pointless.
We may be entering the mad libs
Portion of trump's presidency,
Where he persecutes groups
At random.
Transgender people banned
From the military.
Pacific islanders can no longer
Use the postal service.
And jews can no longer
High-five.
Sorry, jews.
And to make this even worse,
Trump not only announced this
Policy over twitter, but across
Three tweets, the first of which
Read, "after consultation
With my generals and military
Experts, please be advised that
The united states government
Will not accept or allow..."
Then there was a nine-minute
Gap, presumably while
He finished his breakfast of
Deep fried big macs
And mashed doritos.
And according to one report,
Even his own generals were
Concerned about what might be
Coming next.
It was reported that generals
At the pentagon were nervous for
Nine minutes until the second
Tweet came out, because they
Thought the president might be
Declaring w*r on north korea.
That's a pretty scary thought.
John: a "pretty" scary
Thought?
No.
Donald trump declaring w*r
On north korea with a tweet
Is the scariest ten consecutive
Words in the english language,
And I'm including on that list:
"A clown waits for you in your
House, softly whistling,"
And "sharks can fly now,
And they know where you live."
And as the military soon
Informed the president,
It doesn't take its marching
Orders from f*cking twitter.
General joseph dunford said
"There will be no modification
To the current policy until
The order goes through
The proper channels."
John: exactly.
The military needs instructions
Delivered through the proper
Chain of command.
You can't change policy over
The same channels that
Justin bieber once used to tweet
"Random shout-out to all my sexy
Ladies.
Haha."
Meanwhile, there was also
A development regarding
The repeal of obamacare,
Which, remember, was a signature
Goal for donald trump's
Presidency, along with,
Presumably, passing
Comprehensive
Pro-daughter-dating legislation
And getting to second base
With a truck.
Well, this week, the repeal
Ran aground
In spectacular fashion.
The g.o.p. Drive to appeal
Obamacare fell apart
At 1:29 a.m. Eastern time.
Mr. Mccain.
When arizona senator
John mccain flashed
A thumbs-down,
Drawing gasps and some applause
From democrats.
John: wow, I haven't seen
A group of senators break into
Spontaneous applause like that
Since every time ted cruz
Leaves a room.
Oh, he's going.
Mccain's vote was an incredibly
Dramatic moment, although cnn
Couldn't help trying to amp up
The drama even more.
1:29 A.m., Senator mccain
Re-enters the chamber.
Senate majority leader
Mitch mcconnell stands at the
Front of the room like he had
Most of the night.
Mccain waves his hand to get the
Attention of the senate clerk,
Pauses for just a moment,
And gives a dramatic
Thumbs-down.
Senator elizabeth warren
Leans in to get a better look
And breaks into applause.
Senator dianne feinstein,
A single, assertive clap.
John: "meanwhile,
Senator roy blunt shakes his
Fist at the heavens, wondering
How an omniscient god could be
So cruel, while senator
Claire mccaskill does something
That looks like the macarena
And the ghost of strom thurmond
Carves a racial epithet into a
Wooden desk using the blunted
Edge of a mechanical pencil."
But all this drama somehow took
A back seat this week to the one
Unfolding within the white
House, where both
Sean spicer and reince preibus
Have resigned, following the
Appointment as communications
Director of anthony scaramucci,
A former hedge-funder
And "long islander of
The frickin' month"
For 643 months in a row.
Scaramucci's nickname is
"The mooch," which already
Sounds like the name
Of a cow std.
"So, neither one of us has been
With anyone else.
And yet somehow I have
The mooch.
Is there anything you want
To tell me?"
Anyway, "tony mooch" wasted
No time cracking down
On leakers, going on cnn
To explain his philosophy
With an unexpected reference.
Why don't you honor the job?
You remember joe paterno?
What would he say?
"Act like you've been there
Before.
Act with honor and dignity."
John: whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
It's a little loaded quoting
Joe paterno, particularly in the
Context of "everyone needs
To keep their mouths shut."
And the crazy thing is, that
Whole "act like you've been
There" quote has been attributed
To multiple coaches,
Including vince lombardi.
And yet the mooch still picked
The guy with a "child sex abuse
Scandal and dismissal" section
On his wikipedia page,
Which is just weird.
If you were pregnant and someone
Asked you if you knew the sex
Of the baby, your response
Wouldn't be, "like casey anthony
Once said: it's a girl!"
That would've been the
Craziest thing scaramucci said
Until this.
White house medications
Director anthony scaramucci
Unloaded on the chief of staff.
And this was the most
Disgusting thing he said.
"I'm not steve bannon.
I'm not trying to blank
My own blank.
John: "suck my own cock."
Scaramucci said,
"I'm not steve bannon.
I'm not trying to suck my own
Cock."
That's what he said.
To a reporter.
On the record.
There's just no point in anyone
Being coy about this anymore.
In fact, scaramucci's remarks
Were so extreme, they put news
Networks in a tricky position.
But leave it to gayle king
On "cbs this morning"
To cut right to the chase.
How is that even physically
Possible, number one?
And number two, when you hear
Something like that, bob,
Are you offended?
Are you offended
Or are you disappointed?
Are you saddened by it?
John: she's talking to
Bob schieffer.
And nothing in his half-century
Of edward r. Murrow award
Winning journalism could have
Possibly prepared him for the
Question "does the idea of steve
Bannon sucking his own cock
Make you angry or sad?"
And that's where we are,
Six months into the trump
Administration
With a president who has
No major legislative
Accomplishments, no conception
Of even the very basics of how
His job works, and a
Communications director
Who answers the question,
What if a tanning bed
Was a person?
And yet, frustratingly, there is
No public indication from trump
That he thinks he's doing
Anything wrong.
In fact, on friday, this was his
Takeaway from the failed
Obamacare repeal.
They should have approved
Health care last night,
But you can't have everything.
You know, I said from
The beginning, let obamacare
Implode, and then do it.
I turned out to be right.
John: "I turned out
To be right."
No one is better than trump
At claiming victories
From overwhelming defeats.
I could honestly see him, at the
End of his term, saying, "I
Always said I didn't have the
Ability, experience, or
Intelligence to
Be a successful president.
I turned out to be right."
And now this.
Announcer: and now more
Newscasters desperately trying
Not to say the words "suck my
Own cock."
I am not trying to expletive
My own expletive.
I'm not trying to suck my own
[Bleep]
Not trying though, this is
Really graphic.
He is saying bannon should
Perform physically impossible
Acts on himself.
Acts which are impossible,
Requiring flexibility none of us
Have.
What he is saying about steve
Bannon, that would make him a
Gymnast.
It's not like anything I've
Ever seen.
The way she expressed it.
John: moving on.
For our main story tonight,
We're going to talk about
The media.
Specifically, one increasingly
Influential member of it:
Alex jones, the walter cronkite
Of shrieking batshit gorilla
Clowns.
And I know you may be thinking,
"There's nothing more I need
To know about alex jones."
Because you've probably seen
Crazy clips like this.
What do you think
Tap water is?
It's a gay b*mb, baby.
And I'm not saying people didn't
Naturally have h*m*
Feelings, I'm not even getting
Into it.
You think I'd, I'm like, oh,
Shocked by it, so I'm up here
Bashing it because I don't like
Gay people?
I don't like 'em putting
Chemicals in the water that turn
The friggin' frogs gay!
Do you understand that?
Ugh, ugh, ugh, it's crap!
John: wow.
If he's that upset about
A government conspiracy that's
Not happening, imagine how upset
He's going to be when he finds
Out about one that is.
Like the fact that the
Government is turning raccoons
Bilingual.
Oh, that's right.
They're all fluent in french now
And they will be working that
Into conversation.
And that famous clip
Is by no means an outlier.
Jones is a charismatic performer
Who gets charged up
On a regular basis.
So there are plenty
Of lesser-known outbursts,
Like this.
My spirit gets close to that
Evil and I feel it and my spirit
Just goes "ahhh!
Ahhh!
Ahhh!"
They call that crazy.
That's not crazy.
That's my will.
My human spirit saying crush
Those that would hurt
The innocent!
Go after the enemy!
Build a civilization!
Be honorable!
Crush the snakes
Under your feet.
John: now we know what
"Friday night lights" would've
Looked like if they'd given
Coach taylor a nasty pcp habit.
"Go after the enemy!
Crush the snakes
Under your feet.
Clear eyes, full hearts.
Oh, god.
There's snakes everywhere!
Stomp those snakes,
m*therf*ckers!"
Ahhh!
Ahhh!
Now, ideally, the first thing
You should know about
"The alex jones show"
Is nothing.
But unfortunately, it's an
Important part of a lot of
People's media diets.
An estimated 6 million people
Listen to his radio show or
Watch it online every week,
And we know at least one jones
Fan seems to be russian
Ambassador to the united states,
Donald trump.
He supposedly called
Jones after the election,
Has tweeted content from
Infowars and one of its editors,
And just a year and a half ago,
Even appeared on his show.
I just want to finish
By saying your reputation
Is amazing.
I will not let you down.
You will be very, very
Impressed, I hope.
And I think we'll be speaking
A lot.
John: the only thing that
Could've made that moment
Any grosser is if
Nigel farage, bill cosby,
And phil spector were all
On the same call.
So it's no wonder that jones
Has been getting a lot of
Coverage recently.
We even mentioned him on our
First show of the season,
Back in february.
And in his response to it, he
Seemed a little annoyed with me.
Your ratings
Are in the toilet.
You're a joke.
They brought you back, revamped,
Out of the gates to attack yours
Truly, after you lectured us
That donald trump could never
Win over and over again,
'Cause you know, you're
The intellectual.
Everybody knows a british accent
Is intellectual.
You know, there's no facts
Behind it.
And now you make fun of me
Out of context and go
"Look at this loon."
Hey, boy!
People want legitimacy.
They want real.
They want to hear somebody that
Can speak to 'em and touch 'em
Inside.
John: okay, okay.
A few things there.
One, don't call me "boy."
And two, my british accent
Does not sound intellectual.
I sound like a chimney sweep
Passing through
A wood chipper.
But I will give him this.
Jones is right that too often,
People don't present him
In his full context.
So tonight, we're going to do
That.
And let's first set aside the
Key context that alex jones has
Repeatedly used his show to fuel
Speculation that the
Sandy hook m*ssacre was staged
By the government, which has
Been deeply hurtful for the
Parents of those children
Over the years.
That is disgusting and should be
Disqualifying in terms of ever
Taking him seriously.
Sadly, doing things that
Disqualify you from being taken
Seriously doesn't really seem
To be a thing anymore.
But there's a piece of context
You may be less aware of,
And that concerns the nature
Of his show itself.
It's four hours long, and if you
Tune in to the whole thing, your
Most shocking discovery might be
How frequently and shamelessly
He pitches products he sells.
In fact, remember that clip
From him earlier yelling about
Snakes?
Let's go back and play
That out a bit.
Be honorable!
Crush the snakes
Under your feet.
Get behind me, satan!
Now before I go any further,
Before I go any further,
We gotta fund this operation.
We got the very best
Nutraceuticals out there.
I don't know if I can run this
For another week or so.
We want to run it through
The end of the month.
That's like 11 days.
I don't want it to sell out
Before more gets in.
X2 the good halogen,
Infowarslive.com.
Infowarslive.com.
Infowarslive.com.
John: whoa, that is
A hard turn.
"The satan-worshipping,
Deep state globalists are going
To m*rder you and your entire
Family!
Open your eyes, sheeple!
They're coming for you!
They're coming for all of us!
But first...
Mcgillicuddy's oatmeal.
The perfect way to start
Your day!"
And that clip is not an anomaly.
In one week of recent broadcasts
On his site, we found he spent
Nearly a quarter of the time
Either talking about or playing
Ads for his products or pointing
You to the infowars store.
And if you have never gone
Shopping on infowars,
You are in for whatever
The opposite of a treat is.
There's the kind of
Survival gear you'd expect,
Alongside more surprising items,
Like organic shampoo,
Body wash and deodorant,
As well as products like
Combat one tactical bath wipes,
A $10 pack of moist towelettes
That can be "used anywhere
Needed, including the perineal
Area."
Which, if you're wondering,
Is this region right here.
That's right.
Alex jones is trying to sell you
Sloppy wet rags for your taint.
And when you're done wiping down
The area between your genitals
And anus with a glorified
Wet nap, why not pick up
A bill clinton r*pe whistle,
Which, according to infowars,
Should be used to "let bill know
You're in the crowd and that you
Know the truth."
That truth?
You just spent $6 on a whistle.
Oh, that's right.
We bought this.
And by the way, our order came
With a free "9/11 was an inside
Job" bumper sticker we most
Assuredly did not ask for.
And look, radio hosts doing ads
Is not inherently unusual.
But since 2013, jones has
Increasingly focused on
Developing his own products,
Which he sells on his site,
Under his
Infowars life brand.
Particularly vitamins
And "nutraceuticals," which I
Believe are the result of the
Word "nutrition" f*cking
The word "pharmaceutical"
From behind.
I'm pretty sure that's what it
Is.
This is a big part of
His business.
Two-thirds of jones's funding
Reportedly comes from selling
His products.
And there are a lot of them.
And the reason I know that is,
We bought a whole bunch.
There is super male vitality.
Super female vitality.
Wake up, america, patriot blend
Coffee.
Lung cleanse.
"Brain force plus.
Something called
Dna force, that costs $120
A bottle.
And child ease, a herbal blend
Which, according to infowars, is
"Designed to soothe the mind and
Bodies of children,"
Which is a profoundly creepy
Phrase.
And then there's
Caveman true paleo formula with
Bone broth, a chocolate-flavored
Drink mix made from bee pollen,
Stevia, and the dust
Of chicken skeletons.
According to infowars, it is
"One of the most popular new
Health trend in the world
Today."
And by the look on jones' face,
It tastes exactly as good
As it sounds.
You pour that in on a couple
Ice cubes, and folks, it tastes,
When it's creamy and thick,
I think better than ovaltine
And it is got all the bone broth
And so much more.
This is why the ancients,
They believe, had so much better
Bones and were so much
Healthier, you can look it up.
This, you could freeze this
And this would be better than
Blue bell chocolate ice cream.
Mmm.
John: okay, I know for a fact
That alex jones did not enjoy
Drinking that glass of caveman.
Because I've got a glass
Of caveman right here.
And I can confirm that it tastes
Exactly how you'd imagine
A drink would taste that's made
From chocolate and domesticated
Bird corpses.
It comes at you in waves.
And that is not the only time
Jones has used himself
As a guinea pig to sell his own
Products.
And a warning to our younger
Viewers.
The following footage of a man
Graphically too comfortable with
His own body may be disturbing.
Just ten minutes before
We taped this, decided to do
This 'cause I haven't done this
In a while.
We took photos a year ago and
Then again about six months ago
And the weight loss is dramatic
Already from what happened
Before.
John: okay, so you're redder
And you're wearing a belt.
The only thing I can discern
Happened between those two
Photos is that you walked
Shirtless in the sun for two
Hours to a belt store.
You could flip those two photos
Around and the effect would be
Exactly the same.
Also...
And to be fair to jones, he does
Have a medical expert
Who consults on many of his
Supplements.
Dr. Edward group iii,
Who looks like the lead
In a direct-to-dvd kato kaelin
Biopic, but he's actually even
Less impressive than that.
Here he is in an infowars ad,
Explaining the importance of one
Of the products.
If you're suffering from
Abdominal pain, allergies,
Even like headaches, anemia,
Weakened immune system,
Gut problems, depression,
Hair loss, excess gas,
Muscle pain, nervousness.
I mean, all these things, if you
Look at some of these conditions
And then us opening up our
Borders and all the other
Countries opening up our --
Their borders, you're just
Dealing with a mass amount of
Parasites or harmful organisms.
You can type in
"Refugees spreading disease."
I mean, the cdc is going crazy
Right now.
John: actually, I'm pretty
Sure if you type
"Refugees spreading disease"
Into google and press enter it
Takes you right to the wikipedia
Page for xenophobia.
Which is a real time saver!
But despite the fact that
Dr. Group looks like what would
Happen if tom petty
Was machine-washed instead
Of dry-cleaned,
Alex jones swears by him.
In fact, he's been pretty
Defensive about dr. Group's
Credentials.
It doesn't matter.
You've got degrees from mit,
And everywhere else,
And a bunch of other degrees.
The media makes fun of you
And says that you're an idiot.
That's right.
I mean literally, they say we
Cannot sell coffee.
It's a fraud.
That's right.
That's right.
I've been a research scientist
For a long time.
I do have a --
I am mit alumni, and I can
Tell you that I do research all
The time.
John: okay, stop.
Let's break down that
"Bunch of degrees"
Jones mentioned.
Group does have a doctor of
Chiropractic degree from texas
Chiropractic college.
But while he lists all these
Other schools on linkedin,
We checked, and he didn't
Graduate from any of them.
In fact, we asked him,
And he admits he does not have
An undergraduate degree.
And as for whether he's an
"Mit alumni," he only completed
A non-degree certificate program
There.
In fact, just to be sure,
We actually contacted mit,
And according to them,
"It is not accurate to say
He has a degree from mit and
Calling him an alumni would be
Inaccurate and misleading."
Which does makes sense,
Because this man does not look
Like an mit alumnus.
He looks like a fifth-year
Senior at the university of
Falling off a surfboard.
So just to clarify, alex.
That is what we're making fun of
When we make fun of dr. Group.
Well, that and the fact that he
Looks like what would happen if
Iggy pop got "the rachel."
And look, jones can inflate
Dr. Group's credentials
All he wants.
He says a lot of crazy shit
On his show.
But it's noticeable that when it
Comes to selling his
Supplements, he can sometimes
Show a caution that is pretty
Out of character.
Just watch him bend over
Backward to repeatedly qualify
What he says, seconds after
He's said it.
Maybe you've had back pain
Before.
Maybe you've had nerves that
Were cut off.
This creates tingling, this --
A lot of people had their
Feeling come back.
I'm not gonna make claims,
Just research true organically
Based bio pqq.
And it's not technically
Organic, the other stuff,
Synthetic, lab made.
This is made from organic
Sources, but the bacteria's gmo.
I'll just tell you upfront.
But it's not like the super
Hi-tech stuff.
It's a bacteria that's just been
Bred to be able to then secrete
And produce.
That's just like beer
Is bacteria, a lot of good
Bacteria, obviously.
But this one, that's how
The japanese do it.
But it's bio identical.
The stuff is only found
In comets and in trace amounts
In blueberries.
John: wait.
Wait.
Let's break that down.
It repairs nerves but maybe
Doesn't.
It's organic but not really.
It contains gmos, which is bad,
Except for when he's selling
You something.
And you can only find its
Ingredients in comets.
Oh, and blueberries.
And it's the dropoff after that
Last one that's incredible.
"You can only find this stuff
In dinosaur bones and in trace
Amounts in ritz bitz."
And jones's products
Don't come cheap.
For instance, he sells this
D3 for $29.95.
But consumerlab.com,
A supplement watchdog,
Points out you can buy the
Same amount of d3 from other
Sources for less than $4.
But jones will often give
You a hard sell.
Sometimes, he'll tell you his
Products are different than
The ones you can find in stores.
And sometimes, he'll go even
Bigger.
It is absolutely in the
Crystalline form,
The strongest --
You absorb it!
So, folks, don't go out to the
Store and get iodine from, say,
One of the big chains.
It'll k*ll you.
John: wow.
I honestly didn't know you could
Imply your competition k*lled
People.
"Four out of five dentists
Prefer trident gum, and the
Fifth dentist is dead, because
He put a piece of wrigley's in
His mouth, and that is basically
su1c1de."
And to hear jones tell it,
To hear jones tell it,
His products are marked up just
Enough to keep his business
Going, as he explained
In his recent appearance on
"Rationalizing low ratings
With megyn kelly."
I mean, it costs $45 million
To $50 million a year
To run this.
How much money is being made?
Well, the money that's made
Is pretty much put back
Into things.
John: that's remarkable for
Two reasons.
$45 Million to $50 million
Is a lot of money to
Be making, and yet, jones would
Have you believe that every
Penny is pretty much being spent
On a show that looks like it was
Filmed on the set of
A low-budget porn parody
Of itself.
In fact, as he frequently tells
His audience, he needs them
To buy more to keep his
Truth-telling crusade solvent
And growing.
We need to fund ourselves and
We fund ourselves by you buying
The products.
We're at a shortfall now because
Of the massive, sustained
Economic att*cks we're under.
But the listeners in just two
Weeks have almost narrowed
That gap.
I could have to sell my house to
Keep this place running three,
Four months.
I could have sponsors every
Segment.
I don't do it.
I plug enough to fund things.
Fund us!
Give me the energy and I will
Attack the enemy.
John: exactly.
It's like an npr pledge drive
For people who hate npr.
Because to listen to jones,
Infowars is perpetually on the
Edge of disaster.
He even has a link
On the infowars store
Where you can just give him
Money to "help fund the fight
Against tyranny" and
Contributors have left comments
Like, "$25 may not be much, but
I know every little bit helps."
But jones seems to be doing
A bit more than keeping his head
Above water.
Ex-employees describe a thriving
Business, with one saying,
"He can sell 500 supplements
In an hour.
It's like qvc for conspiracy."
And in one of those
Clips we showed earlier,
We noticed he's wearing
What looks like a rolex watch
Worth around $8,000, which --
Cool.
And as we looked around,
We noticed he also seems to own
Another two different rolexes,
You know -- cooler.
And that's honestly fine.
He can have fancy watches.
There's nothing wrong with him
Getting paid.
I get paid to make this show.
But it does fight with his
Message that he needs you to buy
Products to help
Keep his show going.
And even alex jones seems to be
A little self-conscious about
That disconnect.
But don't worry.
He's reconciled it in a truly
Amazing way.
I wear a blue sports coat and
A rolex because it's a symbol of
Middle class and humanity having
Prosperity and promoting human
Prosperity for the respect of
Empowering humanity and stealing
The image of a man in a sports
Jacket with a rolex, that is the
Satanic image, so I dress as a
Satanist so that I can enter
Their world and show you that
None of it means anything.
John: oh, bullshit.
How stupid do you think
Your audience is?
Okay, you bought a rolex so you
Could dress up like a satanist.
What are the other two for?
And incidentally, tormenting
The parents of sandy hook should
Comfortably get you into the
Satanic club.
I believe that's the e-z pass
To whatever hell's version of
"The champagne room" is.
And so, at the start of this
Piece, I promised alex jones
That I would put his statements
In context.
Because he's right that if you
Play small clips in isolation,
He looks like a loon.
But if you play them in context,
He looks like a skilled
Salesman, spending hours a day
Frightening you about problems
Like refugees spreading disease
And then selling you an answer.
Remember that gay frog clip?
He did a followup show
Explaining how chemicals were
Being placed in tap water to
Feminize society and reduce the
Population and then immediately
Segued to this.
We sell five different brands
Of the very best water
Filtration systems out there.
They're amazing.
They cut out 99.99% of the
Glyphosate, the herbicides,
The pesticides, the fluoride.
John: wow.
To an untrained eye, it sure
Seems like he was using the idea
Of a gay frog to sell his
Products, which, incidentally,
Is the same mistake
The wb network made.
And listen, I'm not saying
The only reason jones is talking
About the deep state
-- Globalists systematically
Feminizing us
To sell overpriced
Nutraceuticals so he can buy
Luxury watches.
But if I were, it certainly
Wouldn't be the stupidest
Conspiracy theory you've heard
Tonight.
So if alex jones wants his words
In context, this is it.
The fact that he happens to sell
So many solutions should really
Recontextualize how you think
About what he is claiming are
Problems.
Think about it like this.
How would you feel if, at the
End of this segment that may've
Made you feel a little dirty,
I tried to sell you something to
Wipe that gross feeling away?
Would you question my motives?
Well, I certainly hope not,
Because that's what we're doing
Right now!
Come with me.
Come with me.
Because I'm proud to say we've
Been working with a leading
Medical expert, and I'd like
You to meet him now.
Please welcome dr. Throup iii.
So happy to be here!
John: so happy to have you.
And we're here to offer
You the john oliver
Moisture-armored tactical
as*ault wipes.
The first tactical wipe for use
Exclusively on the perineum.
That's right.
For goodness sake, don't use
This anywhere else.
You're gonna want to just
Focus on this area here.
John: now, doctor, how is
This going to make people feel
Better about what they've seen
Tonight?
Well, my studies show that
When you vigorously apply this
Taint wipe, it causes
A sensation that distracts
The brain from whatever it had
Previously been thinking about.
John: and, again, you've got
Degrees from mit and everywhere
Else and a bunch of other
Degrees.
The media makes fun of you and
Says that you're an idiot.
They do!
John: but you did go to mit,
Right?
Well, I've definitely
Physically been there.
John: that's essentially
The same.
That's what I've been telling
Everyone!
John: now, you can buy one of
These wipes at infowipes.com
For one million dollars.
This is real.
They're actually available for
A million dollars apiece.
And don't even think about
Buying a similar wipe in a
Store, because those wipes
Will k*ll you.
Also, these wipes have the
Power to heterosexualize frogs.
So that's nice to have, because
That's been a real problem
What with all the refugees.
John: right.
And look, this tactical
Taint wipe has demonstrated
Incredible results, hasn't it?
Absolutely it sure has!
Look at this
Photo of me.
And now look at
This photo of me 45 minutes
Later, after applying the taint
Wipe.
John: you're much redder.
I'm so much redder.
John: so if you want to spend
A million dollars on a taint
Wipe, go to infowipes.com.
And if you're thinking,
"No one's going to do that,"
All I'll say is, people pay
Alex jones $45 for a jar of
Chocolate-flavored chicken
Juice, so anything is possible.
That's our show.
Thank you so much
For watching.
Thank you to dr. Throup.
Good night!
04x19 - Alex Jones and InfoWars
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American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.
American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.