03x14 - Debt buying industry

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♪

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome,
welcome, welcome

to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us,

and let us dive right in
this week

with the 2016 election,

or, as it's increasingly known,

America's Fucktastic
Cirque de Dismay.

Now, the big news this week

surrounded Donald Trump,

a punch line that is quickly
becoming a nightmare,

like--like--
like if you said,

"Take my wife, please,"

and then she was actually
kidnapped by !sis.

Now, this week revealed

a somewhat startling statistic.

Witt: A new report
from "USA Today"

found Trump and his businesses

have been involved
in at least 3,500 lawsuits

over three decades.

- 3,500 lawsuits.

That is unprecedented
for a presidential nominee.

In fact, if each lawsuit
involving Trump

were the basis of an episode
of "Law & Order,"

they could sustain all


all 389 episodes
of "Law & Order: SVU,"

all 195 episodes of
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent,"

and all 22 episodes
of "Law & Order: LA,"

as well as every episode
of "The Practice,"

"Ally McBeal,"
"L.A. Law,"

"Boston Legal,"
"Night Court,"

"The Good Wife,"
"Matlock,"

"JAG,"
"Perry Mason,"

"Judging Amy,"
"The Guardian,"

"The Public Defender,"

"Owen Marshall:
Counselor at Law,"

"Harry's Law,"
"Courthouse," "Suits,"

"Family Law,"
"Sweet Justice,"





"Reasonable Doubts,"
"Damages,"

"Shark,"
"The Defenders,"

"The Paper Chase,"
"Head Cases,"

"Judd for the Defense,"
and all three episodes

of NBC's "First Years,"
and at that point,

you're still missing
one lawsuit,

but you've also basically

run out of television shows
about lawyers,

meaning Trump's lawsuits

exceed the limits
of the f*cking genre!

Well--well, lately,

lately, there have been
some new developments

with Trump-related litigation

after he complained
about a judge

presiding over two particular
cases against him.

- I have a judge

who is a hater of Donald Trump,

a hater.

He's a hater.

His name is Gonzalo Curiel.

[crowd jeering]

And he is not doing
the right thing.

The judge, who happens to be,

we believe, Mexican,
which is great.

I think that's fine.

- Oh, oh, you do,
do you?

You think that's fine?

Great news,
people of Mexican descent.

Donald Trump thinks it's "fine"

for you to be a human being
existing on this planet.

Now, for the record,

the judge in question
was born in Indiana,

but that's not the point,

because, as he later clarified,

it was the judge's
Mexican heritage

that made him unfit
to judge Trump.

- You're invoking his race
when talking about

whether or not
he can do his job.

- Jake, I'm building
a wall, okay?

I'm building a wall.

I'm trying to keep business
out of Mexico.

Mexico's fine.
There's nothing--

- But he's Amer--
he's an American.

- Uh, he's of Mexican heritage,

and he's very proud of it,

as I am where I come from.

- But he--

- Wait.

Where are you--
where exactly are you from?

Because you look like
you came out of a clogged drain

at the Wonka factory,

and--and you know what?

That's great.

I think that's fine.

But think about--

think about what
he's implying there.

The judge is unfit to do his job

because of his
ethnic background,

and just this morning,
Trump took it a step further.

- What if he was
a Muslim, though?

You've had--been very
tough on temporary

Muslim immigration bans.

If it were a Muslim judge,
would you also feel like

they wouldn't be able
to treat you fairly

because of that policy of yours?

- Uh, it's possible, yes.

Yeah, that would be possible,
absolutely.

- I would say that was

the dictionary definition
of "bigotry,"

except after this campaign,

the definition of "bigotry"
might just become

"See: Trump, Donald."

Now, as it happens,

the judge he initially insulted
is overseeing cases

involving the controversial
Trump University,

and he ordered a cache
of documents

to be released this week,

which was very exciting to us,

'cause we actually
looked into his university

when we did
our big piece on Trump

back in February,

and it wound up
on this very long list

of awful Donald Trump stories

that we literally
didn't have time to delve into,

even in a 22-minute piece.

But once we started reading
through these new documents,

we figured,
"Oh, f*ck it.

Let's take some time
to talk about it now,"

because Trump University
is kind of amazing.

Back when it opened,

Trump made some big claims.

- At Trump University,
we teach success.

That's what it's all about:

success.

It's going to happen to you.

If you don't learn
from the people

that we're going to be
putting forward--

and these are all people
that are handpicked by me--

then you're just
not gonna make it

in terms of the world
of success.

- [scoffs]

"The world of success."

It--it sounds like
what Donald Trump

calls his bedroom.

"Welcome to the world
of success.

"Please enjoy a mint

and a nondisclosure agreement."

Now, unfortunately,
Trump University

ran into problems
in several states,

starting with the name itself.

- We started looking
at Trump University

and discovered that it was

a classic
bait-and-switch scheme.

It was a scam,

starting with the fact
that it was not a university.

- Holy shit.

Trump University
wasn't even a university,

which is enough
to make you wonder

what the f*ck
was in Trump Steaks.

Oh, God, it was possum,
wasn't it?

It was possum, you monsters.

But the name
was just the beginning,

'cause remember how he had
handpicked instructors?

Well, according
to his own depositions,

he did not personally select
instructors for live seminars

and was...

And it's probably good

that he didn't
handpick them himself.

That would be dangerous.

Anything Trump's
tiny fingers touch

turn into an ex-wife

or an abandoned casino.

And--and it doesn't stop there.

According to the sworn testimony
by several former employees,

many instructors
and mentors had...

In fact, one had worked
as a salesman for Lowe's,

and another had been manager
for Buffalo Wild Wings,

or, as I call it,
B-dubs-dubs.

And--and even a former member
of Trump's own sales staff

testified that it was,
among other things,

"a joke,"
"a facade,"

and was "just selling
false hopes and lies."

And, to be fair,
every university

has sold some of its students
false hopes and lies.

It's just, most of the time,

they call it
a theatre arts degree.

Now, these--these new documents
also include

several revealing playbooks
of sales tactics.

For instance,
the room temperature

was to be
"no more than 68 degrees,"

which is partly
to keep students alert

and partly because
Professor Wild Wings

doesn't want the ranch sauce
getting all gamy.

There are also instructions
on how to sell

and up-sell students,

or, as the playbooks call them,
"buyers,"

on expensive courses,

with typo-riddled tips like...

And if prospects
seemed at all wary,

there was advice
for dealing with that.

man:
"You must be very aggressive,"

one passage
from the playbook reads.

- You might laugh,
but that is the same technique

that Trump has been using
to run for president,

and apparently,
it f*cking works.

These playbooks are rife
with sleazy salesmanship.

For instance, employees were
told to "substitute the words

'thank you'
with 'congratulations,'"

so that the potential customer

ends up thanking you,

which is pretty obnoxious.

If I started this show
every week with,

"Welcome to
'Last Week Tonight.'

Congratulations on joining us,"

you would quite rightly
turn it off.

And I know what you're thinking:

"Well, what about people
who simply

didn't have the money?"

Trump U didn't really
have a problem with that.

Smith: A set of playbooks
for the sales team

coached them on how
to market the courses

even to single mothers
with three children

who "may need money for food."

Money,
instructed the playbook...

- "Lack of money
is not an excuse"

is not what single parents
need to hear.

It's what Donald Trump
needs to hear

when a fifth company of his

inevitably files
for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

And as you might expect,
some of the customers

on the other end
of that hard sell

wound up feeling duped,
like Carmen Mendez,

who put a $35,000 course
on her credit cards

and was left disappointed.

Mendez: I thought that
I'm going to be a millionaire,

because Donald Trump
is a millionaire,

and they were offering a course
for people to get rich.

Chernoff: This is the closest
Mendez got to Trump

during the course:
a picture of her

with a picture
of Donald Trump.

- Oh, that's not a one-off,

'cause another former student
said, "We were told that..."

Which is actually a perfect
metaphor for Trump University.

You're expecting the real thing,

but in the end, all you get

is a tacky,
two-dimensional facade

with Donald Trump's face
slapped on it.

But perhaps the most
suspicious thing of all

is that the playbooks even
include specific instructions

on what to do
if an attorney general shows up,

and believe it or not,
the answer is not

"kick over a table
as a distraction

and get the f*ck out of there."

No, apparently,
you "contact April immediately,"

and it also reminds you
"you do not have to show them

any personal information
unless they have a warrant,"

which is suspicious advice
for a university employee.

I'm pretty sure Harvard
doesn't tell its new professors,

"Welcome.

"Here's a g*n
and a cyanide capsule

"in case the fuzz show up.

Don't let them take you alive."

Now, Donald Trump...

Donald Trump has broadly denied

the claims in the lawsuits,

and his attorneys
have gathered statements

from satisfied customers.

In fact, to hear Trump tell it,

the school was very good value.

- 98% of the people
that took the courses--

we have report cards
from everybody.

They report-carded
on the course.


that took the courses--



They thought they were terrific.

- Okay, first,
there is something

instantly fishy about 98%.

The only things that have
that level of unanimous approval

are dictators, Pixar movies,

and Neapolitan ice cream.

Yeah, it's got chocolate
for the chocoholics,

vanilla for the borings,

and strawberry for the perverts.

In fact,
according to plaintiffs,

the reason
those numbers are so high

is because the surveys were
not anonymous...

Such as assistance

or mentoring from the instructor

they were evaluating.

So listen to why
one former student

gave it a good review
that he now regrets.

- I really look at it like this.

Is--is--say you go to a really
nice restaurant and--

really expensive restaurant,

and you eat
this really gorgeous dinner,

and the chef comes out
near the end of your meal

and asks you
how you liked the meal,

and you really, really loved it,

but then by the time
you go home,

you realize that you'd gotten
food poisoning,

and you're really, really sick.

man: What do you think
about Trump University?

- I felt like
I had been poisoned.

I just felt like I was
just duped and poisoned

and ripped off.

- The only thing worse than that

is having that same feeling
and then realizing,

"Oh, shit, he's got three years,


in his first term."

But--but perhaps the most
valuable lesson

to come out of Trump University
is the one that it is

currently giving all of us

in what's behind
Trump's campaign strategy,

because the playbook
tells his salespeople...

And that is what
is happening now.

Crowds at a Trump rally
may not be able

to point to a concrete benefit
or solution he offers,

but they know
how he makes them feel,

and that is jacked-up
and ready to boo any name

that sounds vaguely Latino.

So if you are planning
to vote for Trump in November,

I'd like to direct you
to a quote from the top

of Trump University's
old homepage.

Donald, I could not have said it
better myself,

so thank you,
or should I say,

"Congratulations."

And now this.

- We will hear
from the president.

Uh, the cameras
will be in there.

They'll be rolling, obviously.

He's got Ebola,
and that's obviously

a source of great concern.

They would like
a good solution, obviously,

one that prevents Iran
from developing a nuclear b*mb.

An 18-point lead
for Hillary Clinton

in South Carolina.

Obviously, that's welcome news
for her campaign.

Apparently kills
about 1/3 of those

who get this virus,

and that's obviously
very, very terrifying.

Bringing in Nazis and Hitler
and all of this--

obviously not appropriate.

If anyone sees them, obviously,

don't get near them.

Mitt Romney, obviously,
is a Mormon.

Obviously a lot of media there.

Obviously we have a gas mask.

[light instrumental music]

- Moving on,

our main topic tonight
concerns debt.

It's the reason Nicolas Cage

has made so many great choices
in recent years,

and--and presumably,
it's the fuel he uses

to power performances
like this one

from his recent movie
"The Trust."

- Open it!
Open it!

Open it!
Open it!

Open it! Open it!
Open it! Open it!

- Holy shit.

He--he delivered that line

like a child on PCP
opening birthday presents,

which he clearly hopes
are full of more PCP.

Now, American households

collectively owe
over $12 trillion in debt,

and right now,
$436 billion of that debt

is seriously delinquent,

meaning it's 90 or more days
past due,

and it is not good
when anything is that late.

If your baby
were three months overdue,

you'd effectively
just be giving birth

to a floppy toddler.

And look,
clearly, if you have debts,

you should pay them
if you can,

but many people
can find themselves in debt

for no direct fault
of their own.

Take Bob Weinkauf.

A few years ago,
he was in intensive care

over breathing trouble,

and after four days
of treatment,

the hospital told his wife
that their insurance

was not going
to cover the costs.

- She said,

"The bill is up to $80,000
already,"

and she said, "Mrs. Weinkauf,
I hope you realize

that you're responsible
for this bill."

I was just hysterical.

I thought,
"What am I gonna do?

"I've worked my whole life.

Is this how my life
is gonna end?"

- Now, that's terrible,

because some debts
are completely unavoidable.

This isn't someone
spending $80,000

on this Versace coat

that looks like a banana
f*cked a Rorschach test.

No, this is someone
spending $80,000 to breathe,

but the fact
that so many people

have money trouble
is not really surprising.

What may surprise you
is the extent to which

seriously delinquent debts
have now given birth

to an entire
debt-buying industry.

- When most consumers
get a call and say,

"I'm calling
on your Bank of America debt,"

you assume that it's someone
at Bank of America,

but what happens is,
Bank of America

sold off that debt for pennies
on the dollar years ago,

and it's been bought and sold

and bought and sold
and bought and sold.

Most of the big banks do it, and
not just banks but payday loans.

Brzezinski: Mm-hmm.

- Book club membership,
gym fees,

auto loans.

Every year, billions of dollars
of this debt

is sold off cheap.

- It's true.

Debt-buying companies like these

that you've probably
never heard of

have amassed a huge amount
of Americans' debt.

In fact, the largest,

Encore Capital Group,

which has these subsidiaries,

tell investors
that one in five consumers

either owes them money now

or has owed them money
in the past,

which is incredible,

because that means,
statistically,

one member of Evanescence

owes or has owed Encore money,

and I think we all know
who that would be.

It would be guitarist
and backing vocalist

Troy McLawhorn.

But--but as you will see,
almost every step

of how this industry
is allowed to operate

is problematic,

and let's start
at the very beginning.

Let's say you have
$1,000 credit card debt

that you can't pay.

At a certain point, your bank

might write off the full $1,000
on its taxes

and then, to make
just a little extra money,

sell it off to a debt buyer

for a tiny fraction of the cost,
maybe $50,

and that debt buyer
can then come after you

for the full original amount,

and if it can't collect,

potentially,
it can then resell that debt

for a fraction of what it paid
to someone else,

who can still come after you
for the original amount,

or sell it for a fraction
of what it paid,

and so on and so on
and so on.

Now, you might think
the information changing hands

would include a lot
of verifiable information,

but you would be wrong.

- It's, I think,
helpful to understand

that when I talk about debt

that's being bought
and sold here,

we're really just talking
about an Excel spreadsheet.

The spreadsheet will have
debtor's name,

social security number,

address, balance,

date that the account
was opened,

maybe one or two other fields,

but that's basically about it.

- That's right.

The information about your debt

may be sold
in an Excel spreadsheet,

which is troubling
for two reasons.

First, nothing good
happens in Excel.

Most of us go into a cold sweat

if we just open it by accident.

Oh, God!
Oh, no!

Please, no!

Let me go back in time
and fix this!

No!

And--and second,
in many states,

there is little obligation
on the part of the debt seller

to provide
additional documentation.

Many leaked contracts
have explicitly stated

the debts
are being sold "as is"

and "with all faults,"

which are weird terms to see

in a major business transaction.

They'd even be troubling
in the context

of an OkCupid profile.

"As is, with all faults.

"Sometimes I masturbate
to 'The Little Mermaid.'

"Hey, hey.

It's the fish half
that does it for me."

Now, as for debt buyers,

they aren't always scrupulous
about checking their information

before collecting, which is why
it is not surprising

to see incidents like this.

- I opened the door,

and a envelope
was thrown at me,

and the guy said,
"You've been served" and left.

Supposedly, it was a debt
that I owed.

It was right under $5,000.

It was with a company
I never had a card with.

It's humiliating.

It's intimidating.

It--it provokes
a lot of anxiety.

- "Humiliating, intimidating,

and provokes anxiety."

Now, to be honest,
I've had a similar experience,

but at least afterwards
I got to brag

that I finally
lost my virginity.

It was--it was--

it was some years after that.

But it's not--it's not just--

it's not just being sued
for a debt you don't recognize.

Buyers can end up
harassing you over debt

that is past
the statute of limitations

or that you've discharged
through bankruptcy

or that you've paid.

You may have seen stories
like this on local news,

because it's got a fun name.

- It's called zombie debt.

That's debt
that you thought was dead

but starts to take on
a whole new life,

much like a zombie.

Chapman: Buried old debt
coming back to life.

It's called zombie debt.

man: We're not talking
about the kind of zombies

that terrorize humans each week

on "The Walking Dead."

man: Old debt, thought to be
settled and buried,

coming out of the grave,

if not to eat your brain,

then certainly
to give you a headache.

- Yeah, zombies are fun,

but the comparison
is actually quite apt,

'cause just like
on "The Walking Dead,"

zombie debt comes back
from the grave,

is incredibly hard to deal with,

and seems to disproportionately
impact minorities.

So--so once--
once a company

has bought your debt,

whether the information
is accurate or not,

they are going to try
to collect on it,

and they can either
do that themselves

or assign it
to a collection agency.

And while many collectors work
within the bounds of the law,

some behave like this.

- Whoa, whoa,

that is not just horrifying.

It's stupid.

How are you gonna
put handcuffs on a dog?

They don't have wrists.

The cuffs are just gonna

slip straight off
their doggy paws.

Your plan is silly.

And some debt collectors
won't just stop at calling you.

Listen to an employee of
an upstate New York debt buyer

explain one of his tactics
to a hidden camera.

- That's your favorite thing?

That is the weirdest
favorite thing I've ever heard,

and I am including
"whiskers on kittens"

and "brown paper packages
tied up with string."

That's a parcel b*mb.
She's describing a parcel b*mb.

Also, what's wrong
with the rest of the kitten,

you creep?

Now, tactics like the ones
that man described are illegal,

but debt buyers have been caught

operating in flagrant disregard
for the law.

Just look at Williams, Scott
& Associates.

Federal prosecutors allege
in a criminal trial

that will start next month

that they lied to debtors,

telling them they were part
of a "government task force

set up to investigate fraud"

and using this letterhead,

featuring a clip-art image
of scales and the logo of,

for some reason,
the State Department.

And they even gave
their employees aliases, like...

Which sound like the stage names

of understudy Chippendales.

"Sorry, Ace.
Sorry, Joe.

"Everyone's here again tonight.

Please put your shirts on
and leave."

And look,
the debt-buying industry

will tell you that
all these abuses are outliers

and that most debt buyers
work within the law,

but one way they do that

is that they sue people a lot.

Debt buyers are among
the heaviest individual users

of our state court systems.

In fact, in some cities, like
Newark, St. Louis, and Chicago--

and this is true--

debt buyers have been found
to file more cases

than any other type
of plaintiff.

And if you're wondering how

the lawyers representing
debt buyers

possibly have time
to review all those cases,

they often don't.

When one New Jersey
collection firm was sued,

they found
that one attorney reviewed

up to a thousand cases a day,

reviewing one case
for just four seconds.

And look,
there are definitely things

that you can review
in under four seconds.

Lay's Biscuits & Gravy
Flavored potato chips,

for instance.

One, two, three.
Awful.

There you go.

Or your mother's new boyfriend.

One Mississippi, two Missi--
not my real dad!

But--but judging whether
you have enough information

to sue someone should really
take a little longer than that,

and it turns out
there is a strategy

behind filing
so many lawsuits.

Howard: These companies bank on
consumers ignoring

the lawsuits, which means
they're automatically

responsible for the debt.

- They're dealing with 90%
to 95% of these lawsuits

going unanswered.

- It's true.

They go unanswered,

meaning people don't turn up
to their court dates,

and the debt buyers win
by default,

and the phrase "by default"

makes any situation
sound less legitimate.

"Hi, I want you to meet Carson.

"He's my boyfriend...

by default."

Oh, hi, Carson.

I have a lot of questions, then.

And if they win,
in many states,

they then have the power
to garnish your wages directly,

and given all of this,
it is hardly surprising

that the debt collection
industry,

of which debt buyers
are a major part,

can claim a dubious honor.

- We receive more complaints
about this industry

than any other,
and last year alone,

consumers filed
over 280,000 complaints

with federal authorities
related to debt collection.

- Wow.

There aren't even


on the Yelp page
for Hitler's bunker.

Although--although I'd actually
like to add one more:

"Why is there a Yelp page
for this?

One star.
One star for you."

Now, regulators and prosecutors

have taken some successful
actions against big players

in the debt industry,

and some states have
tightened their laws

concerning debt buyers,
but others, like these,

have all loosened regulation.

Just look at Arkansas,
where in 2013,

representative John Vines
proposed HB 2028,

which he claimed
didn't do much at all.

- What it does is it defines
the term "credit card,"

which has apparently
not been defined

throughout our many
UCC provisions,

so all this does is define

"credit card" and, uh...

other terms

that are germane
to credit card

and credit card usage,


- Now, I know that sounds

like the world's
most boring man

describing the world's
most boring bill boringly,

but that's not all it did,
because that bill actually

defined the legal term
"creditor"

to include debt buyers

and established
a "presumption of correctness"

of the information
in favor of the debt buyer.

That is a very friendly deal
for them

or anyone--like a bank--

that would want to sell to them,
and it's worth noting

that representative Vines's wife
works for a bank,

and I'd say
he should've disclosed that,

but there was really no need to,
because the legislature

was too busy
creepily joking about it.

Williams: And is this
considered a pro-consumer bill,

or not a--not--neutral,
or is it helpful for banking?

[stammering]

- I don't--don't know that
it's going to have

any effect on the consumer.

It's more just to clarify
the terms of usage

I think presently
used in the industry.

man: Representative Williams,

if it's not good for banking,

I suggest that Representative
Vines not go home tonight.

Williams: Well, I--
I would suggest the same way.

I want to make sure that he's
taking care of the bankers.

[chuckling]

- Always.

[all chuckling]

- Ugh.

"Always."

Tell you what, if I don't
take care of the bankers,

I'm gonna be takin' care
of myself in the shower

for the rest of the week,
y'all know what I mean?

Five, give me five.

I'll take another five.

Let's make it a 20.

Now, by the way, that--
that bill

passed the Arkansas House


but perhaps what's most
concerning about all of this

is that in some states,

there is a shockingly low
barrier of entry

into this industry.

In these states,
you can purchase debt

with no license,

and in these states,
you can collect on debt

with no license.

Essentially, that means
there are places in this country

where you need to fill out
less paperwork

to start collecting money
from people's pockets

than you do to collect fish
from a f*cking lake.

Now, the debt-buyers'
trade group, DBA International,

claims the industry
is working to regulate itself.

In fact, it's developed
a code of ethics

it calls "the gold standard"
of the industry.

It actually has an annual
conference in Las Vegas,

which does makes sense,

as Vegas, as we know,
is the gold standard

of shitty places.

Anyone can go
to their conference,

though I frankly
wouldn't recommend it.

It's pretty bleak,

and the reason I know that is,

we sent people
with a hidden camera,

and the footage they brought
back was fascinating.

Not fascinating
like a good book,

more fascinating like a rat
carrying a wedding ring

across some train tracks.

There's a story there,

and it's a f*cking sad one.

But right from the start
of the conference,

there was a defensive tone.

One seminar
was actually titled...

Although their argument for that

seemed shaky at best.

- Oh, yeah, they're really

helping people
get their ducks in a row,

but only in the "window
of a Chinese restaurant" sense.

This "good guy" conference

also featured
a free shoeshine booth

for a business promising to
"liquidate your bankrupt

and deceased debt,"

which is exactly
what it sounds like,

because their business
includes...

And that is the sleaziest way
of making money imaginable,

other than
a petting zoo attendant

charging ten bucks extra
to let you get to second base

with a goat.

And whenever the law
did come up,

speakers could be
surprisingly glib.

For instance, some debt buyers

try to collect
on out-of-statute debt,

which is debt
that has grown so old,

you can no longer
be sued over it,

and that is something
that some states

now require debt buyers
notify you about

in letters that they send.

But watch the contempt
with which one speaker

dismisses those warnings.

- Oh, f*ck you.

No--no "good guy" business model

has ever been based
on the logic of,

"Well, don't worry
about people's legal rights.

"I'm pretty sure half
these unsophisticated morons

"can't read.

"Right, guys?
Right?

Am I right, though, guys?"

Look, it is pretty clear by now,

debt-buying is a grimy business

and badly needs more oversight,

because as it stands,
any idiot can get into it,

and I can prove that to you,

because I'm an idiot,

and we started
a debt-buying company,

and it was disturbingly easy.

Let me explain.

Back in April, we spent $50

to incorporate
a debt-acquisition company

online in Mississippi,

and incidentally,
"over the Internet"

is the best way
to experience Mississippi.

We called it--
we called it

Central Asset Recovery
Professionals, or CARP,

after the bottom-feeding fish.

I became chairman of the board,

and CARP set up
this very bland website

and dipped our toes
into the debt market,

and with little more to go on
than that website,

we were soon offered a portfolio
of nearly $15 million

of out-of-statute
medical debt from Texas

at a cost of less than
half a cent on the dollar,

which is less than 60 grand.

For that amount,
CARP would be sent

the personal information--
including names,

current addresses,
and social security numbers--

of nearly 9,000 people.

So we bought it,

which is absolutely terrifying,

because it means if I wanted to,

I could legally have CARP
take possession of that list

and have employees
start calling people,

turning their lives upside down

over medical debt
they no longer had to pay.

There would be absolutely
nothing wrong with that,

except for the fact
that absolutely everything

is wrong with that,

and that is why we actually

decided to go another way,
because we thought, well,

instead of collecting
on the money,

why not forgive it?

Because on one hand, it's
obviously the right thing to do,

but much more importantly,

we'd be staging
the largest one-time giveaway

in television-show history,

because as best we can tell,
the most anyone

has ever given away
on a TV show at one time to date

was this...

- You get a car!
You get a car!

You get a car!
You get a car!

Oh, my goodness!

Everybody gets a car!

- [yelling]

Yes, yes, yes!

[cheers and applause]

Now, that giveaway

was worth nearly $8 million,

but we bought nearly twice that
in medical debt,

so instead of having
the file sent to CARP,

we had the seller
send it directly

to a nonprofit organization

which specializes
in forgiving medical debt

with no tax consequences
for the debtor,

and tonight, at my signal--
with the power vested in me

as chairman
of the board of CARP--

they will commence
the debt-forgiving process.

So what do you say?

Are you ready
to make television history?

[cheers and applause]

Let's do this.

Now, clearly,

this is only going to help

the 9,000 people
whose medical debt we bought.

The larger issue is,

we need much clearer rules

and tougher oversight
to protect consumers

from potentially predatory
companies

like the one that we set up,

but in the meantime,

it seems the least we can do
with this debt

that I cannot f*cking believe
we are allowed to own

is to give it away.

So are you ready to do this?

[cheers and applause]

You are about to watch me

give away $15 million.

f*ck you, Oprah.

[upbeat music]

It's done!

It is done.

I am the new queen
of daytime talk!

♪

Thank you so much
for watching the show.

Thank you
to the debt-buying industry

and all of our irreparable
problems associated.

See you next week.

Good night.

[bright tone]