05x02 - A New Mom

[bunniefuu]

Hey, don't touch that dial.

There's nothing wrong with your TV.

I'm in black and white for a reason.

I'm demonstrating how you can take something old,

like a black and white movie,

and suddenly make it seem new again.

All through the modern miracle of colorization.

Voila!

Here I am.

Of course, this colorization technique

isn't always totally accurate.

There. That's better.

At least, it's one way to make something old,

look like something new.

And that's exactly what I have to do

for Mr. Bowdenback's history class...

take something old, tired and worn-out and reinvent it.

Well, you can't get more worn-out than these sneakers,

but with a little help

from with Dad's trusty magic markers,

good as new, only better.

And what about these jeans?

You've seen them once.

You've seen them a thousand times,

but by just roughing them up...

Now, new jeans look like old jeans,

which makes them even newer jeans.

It's a whole new concept.

I guess it's just a matter

of looking at an old thing in a new light.

Sis, can I borrow bucks?

I'd ask somebody else

but I wanted to do you the favor

of helping you establish credit with a future financial giant.

Let me take a nanosecond to think about it.

No!

Then again maybe some things aren't worth changing.

In that case, it's best just to get rid of them.

So off with the old and on with the new.

♪ Na na na-na

♪ Na na-na na-na

♪ All right, all right

♪ Na na na-na na

♪ Na-na na-na na-na

♪ Way cool

♪ Na na na-na

♪ Na na-na na-na

♪ All right, all right

♪ Na na na-na na

♪ Na-na na-na na-na

♪ Way cool

♪ Na na na-na

♪ Na na na-na na

♪ Na-na na-na na-na

♪ Just do it

Chocolate-chip-flavored postage stamps?

Pairs of socks that attract each other

with hidden magnets.

Could be. I'll write that one down.

Here's one.

Jellybeans that don't roll off your desk,

'cause they're flat like pancakes.

How about pancakes

that don't stick to the ceiling,

because they're shaped like jellybeans?

Sam, why would pancakesbe stuck

to the ceiling in the first place?

I don't know. I thought it would be fun.

Well maybe we should try to improve something

that actually has something to do with the real world.

You know something that could actually make our lives better.

Mr. Bowdenback just wants us

to take something old and make it new.

How can that improve our lives?

Well, if it's something old and really annoying,

we can make it new by getting rid of the annoying part.

Hey, I know.

Isn't it really annoying

the way you can never get a rolled toilet paper started

without ripping the first few sheets to shreds?

New and improved toilet paper?

Not great, but better.

I've got an idea.

What's the most annoying, obnoxious, irritating thing

about school assemblies?

Mrs. Pringletwicker's beautiful thoughts of the day.

That's pretty annoying.True.

But I'm talking about...

The school anthem.

♪ Thomas Tupper High

♪ Thomas Tupper High

♪ Hallowed halls of Thomas Tupper High ♪

♪ Honor and excellence forever at Thomas Tupper High ♪

Yuck!

If that ancient excuse for a song

doesn't need improving, I don't know what does.

Hey, we can give it rhythm, we can give it soul,

we can give it that hip-hop, happening sound.

Maybe even a few lyrics, besides "Thomas Tupper High."

Who says you can't teach an old song new tricks?

So let's improve the anthem.

Great. We can work on it now.

Okay.

But first, I've got to run to the one-hour photo place.

What for?

My dad dropped off some pictures

of him and that guy

from the Jai alai half-time show.

Wow.

So I promised him, I'd pick them up.

Okay.

Oh, no! The adzuki beans!

The what?

I promised my mom I'd pick them up for dinner.

She's really gonna be steamed.

What's the big deal? It's just beans.

That's the problem. It's not just beans.

Yesterday, I forgot to program the VCR

to tape that painting show,

A Dab Here, A Dab There.

And two days ago, she was picking me up,

and I was a half an hour late.

I've been forgetting her stuff all week.

Well, we've been kinda busy at school.

Yeah, but now mom won't be able to make

her adzuki bean burritos.

Adzuki bean burritos?

Makes you appreciate frozen pizza.

Yeah.

And some old things you don't want to make new.

Like what?

Mom's leftovers.

I better get going.

See you later.

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Oh, hi, Clarissa.

What are you doing?

I've been looking all over for you.

Oh...oh, it's nothing.

I've been here all the time.

Well, didn't you hear me call?

Well, I guess I just got absorbed

in what I was doing.

Mom, I forgot the adzuki beans.

What's that?

I know you ask me to pick them up

and I know I've been forgetting stuff all week,

but I've been busy at school.

Oh, don't worry about it.

I can go get them now.

Never mind, dear. I know how busy you are.

But...

It's no big deal.But I...

I can make do without.

Mom, are you okay?

I'm fine.

Okay. I'm going now.

Okay.

I'll see you later.Okay.

Yell if you need anything.

Okay, dear.

Yell if you don't need anything.

Okay.

Yell if my real mom has been kidnapped by aliens

and you're a pod person.

Okay.

Ferguson,

that's your fifth lemonade break in an hour.

Dad, we deserve a break.

Refinishing furniture is hard work.

Whew!

I think these fumes are starting to get to me.

I guess I'll have some, too.

Here you go.Thanks.

You know, Ferguson,

I really appreciate you pitching in to help.

Oh, sure.

The way I figure it,

however much we sell this worthless old furniture

for is pure profit.

Ferguson, we are not selling this worthless old furniture.

I happen to love this worthless old furniture.

Dad, dad, dad, love and profit

have nothing to do with one another.

I mean, we deserve something for our manual labor.

Well, how about the satisfaction

of a job well-done?

All right, one old chair.

Just let me sell off one old chair.

Yeah. I'll think about it.

Hey!

Hi, Clarissa. Would you like some lemonade?

Or perhaps I could interest you

in a beautiful antique chair,

expertly refinished by skilled artisans.

Notice the faux graining.

Thanks, but I think I'll stick with the lemonade.

Dad, don't let Ferguson talk you into anything.

What?

No, Ferguson would never

talk me into anything, would you?

Never.

Here you go.

Expertly squeezed by a skilled sucker.

Thanks.

Hey dad, have you noticed anything different about mom?

No. Why?

What about you, Ferguson?

Hmm...did she cut her hair?

You know, us guys don't notice those things.

Yeah.

So neither of you noticed anything different?

No.No, no.

She seems fine.

Oh, well, just wondering.

I mean, your mom's been real busy lately,

but that's natural.

Clarissa, can you pass me that rag?

Sure, dad.

Thanks.

Okay, Ferguson, back to work.

But I haven't finished my lemonade.

Come on, Ferguson.

Oh, hi, mom.

Oh, hi, Clarissa.

Mom, you dropped one of your...

Cards.

"To the best mom in the world.

Every day is your day.

You're loved by all."

Weird.

What is this? A Mother's Day card?

Did we forget Mother's Day?

When is Mother's Day?

And who is she making this card for?

It must be for the kids

at the children's museum to copy.

She couldn't be making it for herself,

could she?

Now, where did I put that date book?

[thud]

Hi, Sam.

[twangy guitar chord]

Hi, Clarissa.

Sam, how come nobody told me it's Mother's Day?

Well, because it's not.

Are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure.

Pretty sure.

My mom always calls me from the road on mother's day.

I think she'd call me.

Well, it's not this Sunday and it's not next Sunday

or the Sunday after that!

Or that!

Or that!

When is Mother's Day anyway?

Why are you so anxious for it to be Mother's Day?

If it's not Mother's Day,

my mom's getting weird on me.

Look at what she was working on all afternoon.

"To the best mom in the world."

Why would your mom be making a Mother's Day card?

Good question.

Maybe it's for her mom.

But it's not Mother's Day.

All right.

Well, is she the type of the person

who buys Christmas presentsin July?

Maybe she's just planning ahead.

You know, Sam, I've got the funniest feeling

she's making cards for herself.

What?

And I think I'm to blame.

How?

All that stuff I've been forgetting.

That doesn't soundso bad.

Is there anything else?

Besides forgetting stuff?

Well, let's see.

She did get kind of quiet last night at dinner

when I mentioned taking the PSATs

and then going to college.

That's it.

That's it?

ENS.

ENS?

ENS.

Okay, what is ENS?

Empty nest syndrome.

Empty nest syndrome?

You know, when the little itsy-bitsy baby birds

grow up to learn how to flap their little wings,

well soon they'll take off on their own.

And the big old mommy bird has a big old empty nest,

no one to feed worms to.

So you think my mom's afraid that we're all gonna be

leaving the nest soon?

That's right.

She's feeling unwanted, unneeded.

She's wondering what to do with those worms.

But my mom's so independent.

Plus, I'm not even gone yet.

And there will still be Ferguson.

Nobody can forget that.

I know he can't wait till I leave.

So should I go and get my dad's book on ENS

or do you just want to work on our school anthem?

Let's just work on the anthem.

How about, uh...

Oh, mom. What's wrong with her?

I'll just be getting those books.

Thanks, Sam.

Hi, Clarissa.

Mom, we love you.

We don't want to leave.

Who's leaving?

Not me, that's for sure.

Clarissa, are you okay?

Yeah, great. Are you?

I'm fine.

Listen, I just want to let you know

I won't be home for dinner.

You won't be home for dinner?

Well, you're not the only ones

who lead independent lives of your own.

But, I know you guys can fend for yourselves.

But we can't fend for ourselves

as well as you can fend for ourselves.

You'll be fine.

What's the basket for?

Oh, it's just a little something

I'm doing to make someone feel good.

You mean it makes you feel good?

Well, yes, in a way,

it does make me feel good.

Clarissa?

Yeah, mom?

The casserole on the bottom shelf of the fridge

will be delicious heated up.

Thanks, mom.

Well, it looks like mom's overcompensating

for this ENS thing by flying the coop herself.

I better do something fast

before she gets anymore cuckoo.

♪ Na-na na-na na-na

♪ Na na na-na-na

♪ Na na na-na na-na na-na-na

♪ Na-na na-na na-na

Okay, I think it's time for a Darling family update.

Here's what's been happening.

Sam and I are still trying to come up

with a school anthem you can groove to.

♪ Thomas Tupper High

♪ Thomas Tupper High

[speeding up] ♪ Oh, hallowed halls of Thomas Tupper High ♪

♪ Honor and excellence forever at Thomas Tupper High ♪

♪ Thomas Tupper High, Thomas Tupper High ♪

[singing quickly]

Ferguson and dad's idea of fixing up old chairs

is turning into a brush with disaster.

And mom's tearing through the arts-and-crafts bin

for the Mother's Day in her mind.

Hey, give the gift that keeps on giving...

the one you give yourself.

Do I mind that my mom flipped out?

Yes!

Diagnosis?

A major bad case of ENS,

Empty Nest Syndrome.

So what's a poor daughter to do?

Count the days till I leave for good?

I've got a better idea.

I've hatched a plan.

I'm about to make my mom feel so needed in her nest,

the only thing she'll need will be a break.

Hi, mom.

Hi, Clarissa.

Mom, I don't know what it is with my hair,

but do you think you could give me a hand?

Oh, well, sure.

I haven't brushed your hair

for you since you were a little girl.

Oh, you were always so much better at it than I was.

Maybe you could braid it.

You want me to braid your hair?

You used to braid it for me.

Well, not since you were years old.

Well, who says those days have to end?

I miss those days.

I miss those braids.

Well, I'm sure you know how to braid your hair yourself.

Let me at that lemonade.

Ferguson, we haven't even started working yet.

Oh, yeah, I know, dad.

But I need to build up my energy.

I'm still worn-out from yesterday.

Honestly, I did not know

this project was gonna take this long.

Yeah, well maybe, if we took fewer breaks...

Dad, the more we energize,

the more productive we'll be once we finally get started.

Hey Ferguson, maybe mom could help you,

you know, be more productive.

Your mom's busy, Clarissa.

Yeah, and I'm plenty productive when I want to be.

Oh really?

Well, that's because of mom.

After all, she's the one who taught us

how to flap our wings.

I mean...

Mom's always got a few good pointers.

Clarissa, what are you talking about?

Mom, Ferguson needs you to teach him

how to be productive.

I do not.

Oh, yes, you do.

Mom,

we love your pep talks.

Pep talks?

Yeah. We depend on you to keep us going.

Right, Ferguson?

Do you have something in your eye?

No.

I mean, yeah, mom,

I need you to help me get something out of my eye.

What's with her?

I don't know.

Let's go, Ferguson.

Clarissa, I don't see anything.

Oh, well, you must have gotten it.

It feels so much better.

Great, but I don't think I did anything.

It must have been an eyelash.

You just have that magic mom touch.

Say mom,

do you think this shirt goes with this,

or should I change it to that green one?

Since when do you need help picking out your clothes?

A girl always needs her mom's clothes advice.

I may not always follow it,

but let just say I'm finally mature enough

to admit how much I need it.

Clarissa, if anything

I'd go to you for clothes advice.

You've already left me way behind.

No, I haven't!

What do you mean?

I mean,

you're the best cook around here.

I don't know what I'd do

if it wasn't your knack for food.

Do you think maybe you could

pack my lunch for me tomorrow?

I stopped packing your lunches for you years ago.

How about once for old-time's sake?

Well, Clarissa,

I think it's better for you to do it for yourself,

that way you get the things you like.

Mom, let's get something straight.

Uh-huh.

I need...

I need...

I need you to pour me a glass of milk.

A glass of milk?

Yeah, a glass of milk.

So much for plan A.

I guess she's just so busy showering herself

with attention that she's not getting from anywhere else

that she doesn't need any attention from me.

[thud]

Hi, Sam.

[twangy guitar chord]

Hey, Clarissa.

How's this?

♪ Thomas Tupper High

♪ Thomas Tupper High

♪ Thomas, Thomas

♪ Tommy, Tommy, Tommy

♪ Thomas Tupper High

Definitely hipper, but can it stand the test of time?

Well, I was thinking it could be

the start of a whole new song cycle...

Tommy Tupper,

the high-school wizard.

It could even go on Broadway.

Could be a sensation.

Well, I got an idea.

Let's go downstairs and ask my mom.

Your mom?

Well.

She's still singing the ENS Blues?

Look, Sam, every day is now Mother's Day

in the house of Darling.

I tried to make her feel needed,

but I think all I did was confuse her.

I think you should just talk to her.

I tried. She's so distracted.

Well, why not just tell her to save ENS

for when the nest is really empty.

You're right.

She's got premature ENS.

She'll snap out of it.

Look, I've got to clean up my nest,

I mean, my room.

Bye, Clarissa.

Bye, Sam.

I guess the nest will really be empty soon enough.

I'll be going to college.

I'll be living away from home hundreds,

maybe thousands of miles away,

never to come home to roost again.

The rain, I'll always remember the rain.

Standing there...

afraid to go,

afraid to stay.

It seemed to wash away all thought,

all time, all my life,

and finally,

I could see the world clearly,

finally,

when it would do me no good.

Clarissa,

I made you this pound cake.

I hope it's all right

I only had half a pound of sugar.

Mother, you didn't need to do that.

I know.

You don't need me to do anything for you anymore.

You can do it all for yourself.

Now, that's just foolishness.

Is it?

It was only yesterday you were so tiny,

my little girl, and now...

and now...

and now you're all grown-up.

You must be strong!

Let me dry your tears.

I will always be your little girl,

this will always be home,

and I will always have time for you.

Mother, I have to go.

I can't say good-bye.

Then sayau revoir.

Oh!

Keep in touch, will you?

Clarissa! The pound cake!

You grow up, you start doing everything for yourself,

you leave home to make it on your own.

Hey, is that any way to treat a mom?

Why didn't I think of this before?

If my mom has a premature case of Empty Nest Syndrome,

I must have a premature case of LNS...

Leaving Nest Syndrome.

Is this a contagious disease or what?

I better spend some quality time with mom

before our time together is over

and my premature LNS gets even worse.

Hi, mom.

Hi, Clarissa.

You sure are spending a lot of time up here.

Oh, it's just something I'm working on.

I know, mom. I understand.

And mom, I was just wondering

if maybe we could spend some more,

you know, quality time together.

Quality time?

Yeah, you know, girl to girl,

woman to woman, mother to daughter...

that kind of thing.

Oh, well, um...

Sure.

So, what should we do?

Maybe we should just talk.

Great idea.

So what do you want to talk about?

I don't know. Um...

What about Mobius strips?

Mobius strips? What about them?

You know what's so cool about them?

That there's no inside or outside,

that there's only one side?

Yeah.

Do you know that reminds me of my very first boyfriend.

Timmy Hackensash?

My sixth-grade sweetheart.

He's really was into origami.

So I folded up this note to him.

Only by mistake,

I wrote the note on the back of my homework.

Did he like it?

I don't remember,

but it's the first time I got a bad mark for neatness.

Can you believe it?

I just remembered.

I had a dream last night about math.

I was a fraction

on the run from an eraser.

Wow! How abstract.

You have the most amazing imagination.

Actually, we were all fractions,

you, me, dad, Ferguson.

I wonder what it means.

Well, dreams are so strange that...

I've got it!

What?

Well, in my dream, we were all different fractions,

but together, we added up to a whole,

a unit, a family.

What a nice thought.

Sometimes isn't everything just great?

Yeah.

It's nice to see you feeling so...

Great?

Yeah. It's great.

Now I really better get going.

Going? Where are you going?

Oh, I just have to drop something off.

But we just sat down together.

Clarissa, I'll be back.

But you've been so busy

and I just wanted to spend some time with you.

Well, usually, you're the one who's so busy.

I know, and I'm sorry.

And I won't forget anymore of your stuff.

And it's not that you don't matter anymore.

What? Really, it's fine.

I'm pretty busy myself.

Now, I really better get going.

Well, where are you going? I'll go with you.

Clarissa, we can spend some time together later.

Later.

Later. Soon it will be too late.

Dear, what's gotten into you?

Don't get so worked-up.

Look, if you'd really like,

you can help me deliver this basket to Mrs. Flinchrod.

Mrs. Flinchrod?

Who's Mrs. Flinchrod?

You know her.

She's that very sweet old lady

who volunteered for the children's museum.

And she's been ill some time now.

And lately, she took a turn for the worse,

so she needed some extra cheering up.

And the kids and I have been making her gifts

and bringing her little surprises.

Oh.

She's been such a great mom to all of us,

and we want her to know she's appreciated.

So all the cards and flowers were for...

Mrs. Flinchrod.

In other words,

all the stuff you've been preoccupied with

is kind of like an every-day-is-Mother's-Day

for Mrs. Flinchrod sort of thing?

She's great lady.

It's a shame she's not feeling well.

You can come along.

Sure.

And all this time I thought you were suffering from ENS.

What?

You know, Empty Nest Syndrome,

because someday I'm gonna leave home,

and you're gonna miss me.

I will miss you,

and you will leave home someday, and...

who knows, go to college,

travel around the world in a balloon.

Maybe get married.

But you're not gonna do it tomorrow, are you?

Me? Boy, I hope not.

Well, I better get going.

To Mrs. Flinchrod's, that is.

Wait. I'm coming.

This ENS thing is just something

we're gonna have to get through together.

Janet.

Oh.

Is that the old rocker from my college dorm?

Yeah. Doesn't it look great?

It really does.

Yeah. First it looked old.

Now it looks antique.

I think, this quaint old thing

could fetch a pretty penny.

Nice idea, Ferguson,

but you're not selling it.

Oh mom, you didn't even know you had it.

But now I do.

This is great.

This chair took lemonade breaks.

Well, it will be perfect for my old age

when the kids leave home.

What's your hurry?

So how'd your school anthem go?

It was a big hit.

♪ T-t-t-Thomas, Thomas Tupper, what's the deal? ♪

♪ We've got you on our minds

♪ From the lockers to the fields ♪

♪ Since you got to go to school ♪

♪ Thomas Tupper is the place

♪ But when we graduate

♪ We'll be out of your face

Oh, that's great.

You know, you two songwriters

might really be going places.

Don't rush us, mom.

Right now, I'm staying right here.

♪ Na-na na-na na

♪ Na-na-na-na-na

♪ Na na na na