01x11 - Top Dogs
Posted: 04/08/24 12:10
was
right fight Wast and always being
cool cuz I'm a man not a boy and you you
have them when you're not prepared to
[Music]
them
stand
[Music]
[Music]
up
oh they're here the Freshman Facebooks
are finally
[Music]
here
[Music]
lady as I suspected those medical
supplies were not intended for us so
please stop using them
immediately so now when I remove these
bandages you should be completely
invisible oh my God I can see invisible
people the good news is the Freshman
Facebooks have finally arrived these
books contain pictures and phone numbers
of every
freshman now I know you're all eager to
receive your copies so if you would
please break into two smaller Angar mobs
I can more efficiently address your
Facebook and traveling
needs
I said two
mobs everyone looks so stupid in this
book D you look like a total tool you a
cheerleader cheerleading is for girls
that's my field hockey uniform oh at
least I'm in here Ed doesn't even have a
picture my daddy says pictures steal
your soul you're all going to
hell look at my picture totally rad and
check out that booger his name is green
my mom didn't want me to bring him to
college because he's a bad inent but I
did anyway didn't I greeny yes I did yes
I
did what no I will not play chicken in a
pickup
truck all the cool kids you say Facebook
let me see slide that book in a chuckery
Direction they ought to call this book
barbecue cuz that is some sweet meat I
say that every year and every year it's
true
this book is for one thing only
searching for SE if you know what I mean
whenever anyone says you know what I
mean I never know what they mean I know
what you mean huh listen up my little
chling cuz love making 101 is now in
checking hey Mama how's just checking
you out now I'm calling to take you out
so we can make out so as soon as this
number's back service I hope you give me
a shout out over and
out I can do
this hello there Abby
McBride how long is a chinan what no
stupid how long is the guy's name and
he's Chinese it's not a question man
you're are so
stupid let's do another
one hello it's k*ll me you're supposed
to hang up before you dial again dag off
oh really well if you're such a
knowitall Miss know-it-all maybe you can
answer this how long is the
chinan and then I told her it wasn't a
question at all how long is
a
j Stamford you okay quit watch it down
with
something
his name is how long and he's a chinan
that's
rich Shin is a r*cist term Joe we're
talking about a chick that dug me hard
she was totally into me I'd hate to
break it to you but college women aren't
into illiterate jackasses like you
really what kind of jackasses are they
into women are attracted to accomplished
intellectuals like myself I'm not a
woman but I think you're attractive wait
did I say that out loud well I don't
know hold on this is in my head this is
out loud this is in my head this is out
loud all right now I'm
ready I wonder what Joe would look like
with
bre anyway if you're so accomplished why
don't we ever see you with a woman I
mean besides Stanford bur oh wait I'm
too busy with my studies yeah us too if
we didn't study so much we'd get a ton
of action don't make me laugh what woman
would ever want to go out with you guys
we could totally get chicked before you
could oh yeah I'd like to see you try oh
yeah I'd like to see us try
too for the last time this week's exam
will not have any rhetorical question I
mean how many times do I have to explain
this to you Mr har four
correct good thing they don't deduct
points for clumsiness
if they did I might not have a perfect
grade point average but I do I do have a
perfect grade point average
perfect whoa size six French pedicure
intense arches mother would be so
jealous all right so I'll say I'm like
an astronaut or a basketball player this
chick stake tall guy I be a secret agent
definitely like an FBI agent so you
should kind of act as serious you know
like this
yeah didn't you two figure this all out
before you hit on us hello ladies I
couldn't help overhearing that I'm a
basketball astronaut and I'm Dell an
undercover HIV agent are you sure about
that yeah I'm HIV
positive let's face it Stanford we're
just not ladies men like Joe well at
least you could say you learned one
thing in college in fact I just just
came from class where I decided to give
Wendy boner a little taste of Joe Tate
and I think she
likey and there she is what a specimen
why would you be interested in her she's
only 3 in tall well four wait now she's
five oh my God she's growing she's
turning into a giant we're all going to
die she's walking toward us idiot hey
Wendy what's your name it's me Joe Tate
from your no I'm talking to your friend
aren't you Stanford that depends who's
asking I am silly then uh what was the
question again I was wondering you want
to go to my sority date party with
me I must be dreaming quick somebody
Pinch A Lo fine I'll do it
myself whoa I'm not dreaming yes I'll
[Music]
go
a corage is cool cuz you get to pin it
on and that way you get really close to
her boob now let me try again
ow better but keep practicing cuz if you
accidentally poke her you'll get a face
full of milk I don't get it why is Wendy
asking you out why didn't she ask me and
more important why why am I after you I
think she's attracted to him because
women dig danger yeah I'm dangerous
check this out that's a novelty picture
you got at the fair that's your face on
evil conal's body Joe are you jealous or
[Music]
something man oh man was that funny we
don't laugh like that nearly enough have
we forgotten what it's like to be
children anyhow Joe are you jealous or
something hi my name is Brooks my best
friend Wendy told me a cutie named Dell
lived here that's me I'm Franklin churg
I mean Dell oh my God Wendy was right
about you would you go to my sorority
date party with me well let me answer
your question was another question yes
I'm thinking of switching from anorexia
to B
because I mean my parents bought the
meal plan did you guys get dates for the
dog
party my date is totally Mega ugly he's
all
like my date's totally going to be the
ugliest date ever he's
all I'm sorry this Botox I can't make
any facial expressions oh my God Sanford
and Dell got invited to a dog party this
is great I can't wait to rub their cool
moist noses in it
but if me and Wendy have a girl we'll
name her Han Solo I always like that
name for a girl Dame rumor tells me that
you two are entering into the dangerous
world of dating sorry dude you're too
late yeah we're spoken for I don't want
to go out with you guys but as your ra
it is my responsibility to give you the
hard cold facts about women oh playing
hard to get okay you've got my interest
to avoid serious dating dangers you must
follow the simple to follow guidelines
for dating number one no means no so
don't be afraid to say no if she wants
something from you that you're not
willing to give you mean like my
collection of American coins with
president's heads on them if my
collection of American coins with
president's heads on them you mean
you're innocent then yes man I had no
idea T knew so much about dating well
I'm starting to wonder if get a hold of
yourself man thanks stford I needed
that why are you taping us am I the
Osborne because I want to Forever
document the moment you realize that you
two are the most undesirable people on
the planet okay but I want a copy I just
learned an interesting tidbit about your
little sori event it's actually a dog
party I love Snoop Dog from Good Times
hey hey hey every year Wendy sorority
has a party where they bring the ugliest
State they can find and this year you
guys were chosen so if we're dogs uh-huh
and this is an annual dog party that's
right you got it then we're going to
have hot dates like this every year this
is totally sweet what the hell is wrong
with you guys are you too stupid to be
humiliated I guess so stupid Joe or
[Music]
m*rder at least I've avoided the Dignity
of being invited somewhere because I'm a
hideous freak hey PewDiePie what are you
doing Saturday night k*lling myself oh
well after
that could I really be that ugly why do
I waste my time studying no one cares
about intellect if I put as much effort
into my looks as I do into my studies I
could be one of the Beautiful People
well for God's sakes shut the yapper get
out there and make it happen you know
what I think I will and as long as we're
talking could you quit popping your zits
on
me ow crap holy crap it
hurts mama's
boy
I'm telling you I really think I pulled
something this
[Music]
time come on
sucker
yeah wheel it off mama's
boy boy you are really cut I'm strong
enough for a man but made for a
woman you have the most beautiful blue
eye oh that uh yeah uh my dog he's a
husky was actually he just passed away I
thought I'd honor him I think it's very
sexy we should talk more about my sexy
innocent dead dog over dinner that
sounds great here's my
number Rachel that's a pretty name I
went to high school with a girl named
Rachel she was kidnapped and later found
decapitated in a dumpster
behind so uh Saturday good for you D
this is going to be the greatest night
of our life in fact I'm going to go out
on a limb
here all right now where were we oh yeah
I think it might be a little tight hey
you're turning the same color as a time
you're like one of those chameleon
lizards let's cut your arm off and see
if it grows back not before the party it
might not grow back in
time have you ever kissed a girl kiss
girls no Dell I kiss winning and the
elderly I haven't what if we have to
kiss our days there's nothing to it I'll
show you how
step one close your eyes step two Lean
Forward step three do
this e gross just because it's a dog
party doesn't mean that we have to kiss
like dogs kiss like dogs what the hell
are you talking
about so that's when I called them a
couple of morons and left in a huff well
you did the right
thing what's wrong with your food
nothing it's great I'm just full full
huh maybe you shouldn't have ordered an
$8 appetizer now you can't even finish
your regular meal maybe we could finish
this conversation back at my place well
don't you live kind of far
from uh at the risk of being frank are
we going to hook up could be okay but
then I get to tell you about the time I
mistook magnesium chloride for magnesium
chlorate I'm laughing just thinking
about
[Music]
it but then again and everything makes
me gazy D dude you're drooling
blood well it's that time of the month
again when I FL we are the two luckiest
girls in the whole Sor welcome everybody
to the tri Sigma P date party now it's
tradition for every day to totally
introduce themselves and receive their
handsome name tag and party bro hello
ladies I'm wolf mittman sternal with
Todd wolf midman St stal this is my
first date ever women never used to
respect me until now thanks my name's Ed
pickle and the stain here on my trousers
is p i mean how long I told you but I
Vietnamese Dam it do I look tiny no
that's because I Vietnamese my bad and I
6'7 now I'm going to do a machine
g*n and a cow
now a cow getting shot by a machine
g*n and now a cow getting shot by a
machine g*n extended house
mix uhoh Head
Rush here we
are oh good God oopsie Daisy I forgot my
sorority sisters were having a party
tonight but since we're here you can be
my date here he is girl totally bring
him up here get up there stud tell him
about how you call an entree a regular
meal she didn't even finish
it
fine you know when I think of a bully I
usually think of a big muscular guy in a
speedo kicking sand in some little
scrawny disys spectacle guy's face yeah
I hate that scrawny guy with his stupid
sandless face all spectacles and stuff
screw him well today that big muscular
guy is the girls of Tri Sigma Pi you
were all invited tonight because you are
ugly these women are treating you like
dogs yeah right prove it all they care
about is what you look like they don't
care about who you are what kind of
intellect you have or your dreams of
becoming a doctor well I will not let my
fellow dogs be humiliated any longer
come on boys we're going
home want to go outside come on let's go
I'm sorry my date ruined the party it's
not all bad at least we don't have to
have sex with them this year that's
totally my least favorite of all the tri
Sigma Pai Traditions oh no what about
those
three Miss sority was totally founded on
[Music]
tradition hey wait up guy who made
speech I would what you said in there
and it got me
thinking oh yeah I heard you say you
were going to be a doctor yeah so we
should keep in touch what oh I see you
just want to stay in touch with me
because I'll be a rich and successful
doctor will you not
listening okay I'll call you well I
wouldn't say it was a total loss yeah
this your cone keeps me from licking my
hotpots and I found out I have five of
the warning signs for hpto
you oh make that
six wow I never want to do that again I
know he's messy and smelly and even kind
of leaked a little I felt like I didn't
know what I was doing well every so
often you got to try new stuff now you
can say you've eaten an omelet so how
about that sex last night that was
totally awesome
totally
it's go time Paco a lot more nonsense on
the next three
sou I'm a bad man I'm a bad
man
right fight Wast and always being
cool cuz I'm a man not a boy and you you
have them when you're not prepared to
[Music]
them
stand
[Music]
[Music]
up
oh they're here the Freshman Facebooks
are finally
[Music]
here
[Music]
lady as I suspected those medical
supplies were not intended for us so
please stop using them
immediately so now when I remove these
bandages you should be completely
invisible oh my God I can see invisible
people the good news is the Freshman
Facebooks have finally arrived these
books contain pictures and phone numbers
of every
freshman now I know you're all eager to
receive your copies so if you would
please break into two smaller Angar mobs
I can more efficiently address your
Facebook and traveling
needs
I said two
mobs everyone looks so stupid in this
book D you look like a total tool you a
cheerleader cheerleading is for girls
that's my field hockey uniform oh at
least I'm in here Ed doesn't even have a
picture my daddy says pictures steal
your soul you're all going to
hell look at my picture totally rad and
check out that booger his name is green
my mom didn't want me to bring him to
college because he's a bad inent but I
did anyway didn't I greeny yes I did yes
I
did what no I will not play chicken in a
pickup
truck all the cool kids you say Facebook
let me see slide that book in a chuckery
Direction they ought to call this book
barbecue cuz that is some sweet meat I
say that every year and every year it's
true
this book is for one thing only
searching for SE if you know what I mean
whenever anyone says you know what I
mean I never know what they mean I know
what you mean huh listen up my little
chling cuz love making 101 is now in
checking hey Mama how's just checking
you out now I'm calling to take you out
so we can make out so as soon as this
number's back service I hope you give me
a shout out over and
out I can do
this hello there Abby
McBride how long is a chinan what no
stupid how long is the guy's name and
he's Chinese it's not a question man
you're are so
stupid let's do another
one hello it's k*ll me you're supposed
to hang up before you dial again dag off
oh really well if you're such a
knowitall Miss know-it-all maybe you can
answer this how long is the
chinan and then I told her it wasn't a
question at all how long is
a
j Stamford you okay quit watch it down
with
something
his name is how long and he's a chinan
that's
rich Shin is a r*cist term Joe we're
talking about a chick that dug me hard
she was totally into me I'd hate to
break it to you but college women aren't
into illiterate jackasses like you
really what kind of jackasses are they
into women are attracted to accomplished
intellectuals like myself I'm not a
woman but I think you're attractive wait
did I say that out loud well I don't
know hold on this is in my head this is
out loud this is in my head this is out
loud all right now I'm
ready I wonder what Joe would look like
with
bre anyway if you're so accomplished why
don't we ever see you with a woman I
mean besides Stanford bur oh wait I'm
too busy with my studies yeah us too if
we didn't study so much we'd get a ton
of action don't make me laugh what woman
would ever want to go out with you guys
we could totally get chicked before you
could oh yeah I'd like to see you try oh
yeah I'd like to see us try
too for the last time this week's exam
will not have any rhetorical question I
mean how many times do I have to explain
this to you Mr har four
correct good thing they don't deduct
points for clumsiness
if they did I might not have a perfect
grade point average but I do I do have a
perfect grade point average
perfect whoa size six French pedicure
intense arches mother would be so
jealous all right so I'll say I'm like
an astronaut or a basketball player this
chick stake tall guy I be a secret agent
definitely like an FBI agent so you
should kind of act as serious you know
like this
yeah didn't you two figure this all out
before you hit on us hello ladies I
couldn't help overhearing that I'm a
basketball astronaut and I'm Dell an
undercover HIV agent are you sure about
that yeah I'm HIV
positive let's face it Stanford we're
just not ladies men like Joe well at
least you could say you learned one
thing in college in fact I just just
came from class where I decided to give
Wendy boner a little taste of Joe Tate
and I think she
likey and there she is what a specimen
why would you be interested in her she's
only 3 in tall well four wait now she's
five oh my God she's growing she's
turning into a giant we're all going to
die she's walking toward us idiot hey
Wendy what's your name it's me Joe Tate
from your no I'm talking to your friend
aren't you Stanford that depends who's
asking I am silly then uh what was the
question again I was wondering you want
to go to my sority date party with
me I must be dreaming quick somebody
Pinch A Lo fine I'll do it
myself whoa I'm not dreaming yes I'll
[Music]
go
a corage is cool cuz you get to pin it
on and that way you get really close to
her boob now let me try again
ow better but keep practicing cuz if you
accidentally poke her you'll get a face
full of milk I don't get it why is Wendy
asking you out why didn't she ask me and
more important why why am I after you I
think she's attracted to him because
women dig danger yeah I'm dangerous
check this out that's a novelty picture
you got at the fair that's your face on
evil conal's body Joe are you jealous or
[Music]
something man oh man was that funny we
don't laugh like that nearly enough have
we forgotten what it's like to be
children anyhow Joe are you jealous or
something hi my name is Brooks my best
friend Wendy told me a cutie named Dell
lived here that's me I'm Franklin churg
I mean Dell oh my God Wendy was right
about you would you go to my sorority
date party with me well let me answer
your question was another question yes
I'm thinking of switching from anorexia
to B
because I mean my parents bought the
meal plan did you guys get dates for the
dog
party my date is totally Mega ugly he's
all
like my date's totally going to be the
ugliest date ever he's
all I'm sorry this Botox I can't make
any facial expressions oh my God Sanford
and Dell got invited to a dog party this
is great I can't wait to rub their cool
moist noses in it
but if me and Wendy have a girl we'll
name her Han Solo I always like that
name for a girl Dame rumor tells me that
you two are entering into the dangerous
world of dating sorry dude you're too
late yeah we're spoken for I don't want
to go out with you guys but as your ra
it is my responsibility to give you the
hard cold facts about women oh playing
hard to get okay you've got my interest
to avoid serious dating dangers you must
follow the simple to follow guidelines
for dating number one no means no so
don't be afraid to say no if she wants
something from you that you're not
willing to give you mean like my
collection of American coins with
president's heads on them if my
collection of American coins with
president's heads on them you mean
you're innocent then yes man I had no
idea T knew so much about dating well
I'm starting to wonder if get a hold of
yourself man thanks stford I needed
that why are you taping us am I the
Osborne because I want to Forever
document the moment you realize that you
two are the most undesirable people on
the planet okay but I want a copy I just
learned an interesting tidbit about your
little sori event it's actually a dog
party I love Snoop Dog from Good Times
hey hey hey every year Wendy sorority
has a party where they bring the ugliest
State they can find and this year you
guys were chosen so if we're dogs uh-huh
and this is an annual dog party that's
right you got it then we're going to
have hot dates like this every year this
is totally sweet what the hell is wrong
with you guys are you too stupid to be
humiliated I guess so stupid Joe or
[Music]
m*rder at least I've avoided the Dignity
of being invited somewhere because I'm a
hideous freak hey PewDiePie what are you
doing Saturday night k*lling myself oh
well after
that could I really be that ugly why do
I waste my time studying no one cares
about intellect if I put as much effort
into my looks as I do into my studies I
could be one of the Beautiful People
well for God's sakes shut the yapper get
out there and make it happen you know
what I think I will and as long as we're
talking could you quit popping your zits
on
me ow crap holy crap it
hurts mama's
boy
I'm telling you I really think I pulled
something this
[Music]
time come on
sucker
yeah wheel it off mama's
boy boy you are really cut I'm strong
enough for a man but made for a
woman you have the most beautiful blue
eye oh that uh yeah uh my dog he's a
husky was actually he just passed away I
thought I'd honor him I think it's very
sexy we should talk more about my sexy
innocent dead dog over dinner that
sounds great here's my
number Rachel that's a pretty name I
went to high school with a girl named
Rachel she was kidnapped and later found
decapitated in a dumpster
behind so uh Saturday good for you D
this is going to be the greatest night
of our life in fact I'm going to go out
on a limb
here all right now where were we oh yeah
I think it might be a little tight hey
you're turning the same color as a time
you're like one of those chameleon
lizards let's cut your arm off and see
if it grows back not before the party it
might not grow back in
time have you ever kissed a girl kiss
girls no Dell I kiss winning and the
elderly I haven't what if we have to
kiss our days there's nothing to it I'll
show you how
step one close your eyes step two Lean
Forward step three do
this e gross just because it's a dog
party doesn't mean that we have to kiss
like dogs kiss like dogs what the hell
are you talking
about so that's when I called them a
couple of morons and left in a huff well
you did the right
thing what's wrong with your food
nothing it's great I'm just full full
huh maybe you shouldn't have ordered an
$8 appetizer now you can't even finish
your regular meal maybe we could finish
this conversation back at my place well
don't you live kind of far
from uh at the risk of being frank are
we going to hook up could be okay but
then I get to tell you about the time I
mistook magnesium chloride for magnesium
chlorate I'm laughing just thinking
about
[Music]
it but then again and everything makes
me gazy D dude you're drooling
blood well it's that time of the month
again when I FL we are the two luckiest
girls in the whole Sor welcome everybody
to the tri Sigma P date party now it's
tradition for every day to totally
introduce themselves and receive their
handsome name tag and party bro hello
ladies I'm wolf mittman sternal with
Todd wolf midman St stal this is my
first date ever women never used to
respect me until now thanks my name's Ed
pickle and the stain here on my trousers
is p i mean how long I told you but I
Vietnamese Dam it do I look tiny no
that's because I Vietnamese my bad and I
6'7 now I'm going to do a machine
g*n and a cow
now a cow getting shot by a machine
g*n and now a cow getting shot by a
machine g*n extended house
mix uhoh Head
Rush here we
are oh good God oopsie Daisy I forgot my
sorority sisters were having a party
tonight but since we're here you can be
my date here he is girl totally bring
him up here get up there stud tell him
about how you call an entree a regular
meal she didn't even finish
it
fine you know when I think of a bully I
usually think of a big muscular guy in a
speedo kicking sand in some little
scrawny disys spectacle guy's face yeah
I hate that scrawny guy with his stupid
sandless face all spectacles and stuff
screw him well today that big muscular
guy is the girls of Tri Sigma Pi you
were all invited tonight because you are
ugly these women are treating you like
dogs yeah right prove it all they care
about is what you look like they don't
care about who you are what kind of
intellect you have or your dreams of
becoming a doctor well I will not let my
fellow dogs be humiliated any longer
come on boys we're going
home want to go outside come on let's go
I'm sorry my date ruined the party it's
not all bad at least we don't have to
have sex with them this year that's
totally my least favorite of all the tri
Sigma Pai Traditions oh no what about
those
three Miss sority was totally founded on
[Music]
tradition hey wait up guy who made
speech I would what you said in there
and it got me
thinking oh yeah I heard you say you
were going to be a doctor yeah so we
should keep in touch what oh I see you
just want to stay in touch with me
because I'll be a rich and successful
doctor will you not
listening okay I'll call you well I
wouldn't say it was a total loss yeah
this your cone keeps me from licking my
hotpots and I found out I have five of
the warning signs for hpto
you oh make that
six wow I never want to do that again I
know he's messy and smelly and even kind
of leaked a little I felt like I didn't
know what I was doing well every so
often you got to try new stuff now you
can say you've eaten an omelet so how
about that sex last night that was
totally awesome
totally
it's go time Paco a lot more nonsense on
the next three
sou I'm a bad man I'm a bad
man