01x10 - Night Shift

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

the Dame was as sultry as a Rio Sunset

but tougher than the last level of Doom

2 she moved gracefully like a jungle cat

smooth and sure as a cling on warship

and twice as

deadly hey buddy boy what's your hurry

huh Alex trailing that goth babe again

uh no no I was just um you know enjoying

the day yeah right nice day for a

stock I wasn't stalking right I've been

watching you follower for 20 minutes I

was just I hey what the hell are you

doing following me girls don't like

being spied on Alex it's creepy either

tell her you like her or give up and put

us all out of our misery oh you not

misery

impossible

damn and I'm just trying to get to know

her better by lurking in dark alleys let

me tell you all you need to know okay

superficial poser all right I hate girls

like that yeah like you know so much

about her look I know that anyone with

10 bucks can buy fish in its stockings

it doesn't automatically make you exotic

actually I really like the kind with the

black and white stripes she not even

worth stalking I'm not stalking it's

never going to go any place oh it will

you'll see oh I'll see someday I'll get

with her mhm if she doesn't file a

restraining order first look I got to go

I'm late for work I thought you were

just getting off so to

speak I got to pull the night shift cuz

I screwed up a big job the other day can

I Bor that umbrella thanks hey

hey she's as deep as a puddle

Alex hey Jen you looking for Alex cuz he

hasn't been in

today no it's not like everything in my

life involves Alex okay then what are

you looking for oh I don't know got any

more alternative comics about lonely

loser guys who draw alternative comics

about lonely loser guys you make my life

seem exciting sure back wall on the left

I am captivated do you think she looks

like a fetta please don't make me look

at her anymore ooh too slow caught

looking seems like you have quite a

little fan club those guys again I wish

theyd go back to whatever basement they

crawled out of you want me to toss their

pasty asses out nah they're harmless

they wouldn't know what to do with a

real girl anyway what I do for just a

few minutes with that yeah I'd give up

my old school 12-in Darth vade in a box

for just one night with her but Ron it's

it's Darth listen wedge I know you don't

want to hear this but there are some

things that are worth trading a 12in

doth for besides his articulation sucks

no I'm not listening it'd take a lot

more than old Darth to get Serena even

to look at the likes of us she is a

woman of mystery and power you'd

probably need a Yoda I bet she studies

the magical larts and dances in Central

Park and naked Pagan

rituals n she ain't the new age type

she's probably the leader of a g*ng of

tough bisexual motorcycle chicks you're

right probably warrior class yeah I

definitely you guys really need to get

laid oh um hey Jen laid never heard of

him is she part of the Star Wars

expanded universe because I'm sure I

have all the ones from the movie Man

blade is not an action figure wedge he's

not oh well I guess I don't have to get

him after

all um Alex we can't have any more

screw-ups you've been there spacing out

lately hey the other day that lady asked

for 4,000 copies not 400 I know how it

is you see a nice piece walking and you

think that if you slide her a few extra

copies chill you know uh what the what

are you talking about I used to be young

once too but but I'm still going to have

to take the difference out of your

paycheck oh that seems fair anyway this

is an important job some big sh*t lawyer

needs these charts for a big case

tomorrow Jimmy will be in tonight to

help you the Messenger will pick the

stuff up at 6 a.m. and Alex yeah try and

keep it in your pants tonight oh yeah

hey Jen sorry about my geeky friends

there but they are simply hopeless when

it comes to women so you know the

archive is showing spidal Tap tonight

don't even bother

Mikey okay well I'm off to find me a

chick who can appreciate fine cinon oh

hey wait a sec what do you know about

that goth girl you guys are all so stiff

over H Serena yeah I know that she's

super hot oh but of course nothing

compared to you my dear yeah yeah I mean

what's her deal I didn't want to get

into it back at the store let the

kitties have their little fantasies you

know but she's bad news she's into all

kinds of illegal stuff well take care

all I heard about a sweet old wall up on

18 first just crying and be b*mb I'm

going home for some Monday night tra any

plans tonight Serena wouldn't you like

to know and not an upscale strip club

like scores but the kind where the girls

have nasty implant scars not that I

there or

anything um so about s sorry I got to

go but here just so there's no hard

feelings I'll buy you

dinner hey Alex I'm promoting this ecob

bondage event tonight so could you do a

rush job on these flyers sorry Lizzy

you'll have to selfs serve here's a copy

key Repro mans oh hey Jimmy

oh man you're

kidding well I hope you feel better I

guess

bye what's up the guy that's supposed to

come in and help me is too hung over

speaking of which have you seen Chaka

around no she hasn't stopped

by hey um uh Lizzy huh you ever run into

that Serena girl at one of your clubs

the mortia from Starbase yeah yeah do

you know anything about her I think that

she has a p*rn website really uh do you

know the address by any chance no but I

think it's called Serena land or

something I'm not into the goth thing

it's too

depressing

oh no I didn't even ask you yet what I

didn't even ask you for any money yet

can you please bot me a 20 we started

out with enough but coach check is like

$2 an item I told you not to wear one

but it's called cold here now leave I'm

in the middle of something m whatever I

screwed up the printer okay please tell

me she's not humping that gravestone oh

by the way you just missed your friend

Lizzy Lizzy she is so not one of our

friends she is like bottom of the barrel

really she's like not connected with

reality at all hello she's like always

walking around weirdly preaching like

raver Pride except she never dances at

any parties she's always looking like

she's about to die seriously that's like

the eeriest thing about her she looks

like death impersonated it's so weird

it's not like black makeup and black

hair she's not God but it's like it's in

her face you can see that her eyes and

her nose and it's so creepy it's like

like death like she's like dead like

frozen dead totally don't you think so

Alex yeah yeah she does now why don't

you two just get out of here she takes

your whole body and starts like sucking

you in she's all like

Su cha she's not that bad oh my God shut

up yes she is guys I really have T I was

like I just like had to go out you know

and I was like calling everyone in my

phone book and nobody was home so I was

like oh my God I cannot believe I'm

calling Lizzy I couldn't believe and out

of nowhere My Savior Mecca walks by and

I'm like uh Lizzy um call me right back

or something yeah right right so we like

ditched or whatever we didn't even like

wait for her to call back here it's all

I have now please just get out and let

me finish this job thanks bro love you

love you shut

up oh

no Tito you've cut into my Turk one too

many times I'm going to have to put you

down oh yeah chica you and what army

huh this

one hey we want to have a word with you

yeah someone just held up the liquor

store over on a you wouldn't know

anything about that would you m-m mhm

yeah all right up against the

wall he's clean hey hey I'm a girl

you're a

girl oh yeah she

is I think watch it buddy hey Alex we

just got the midnight Show's final tap

and uh we were wondering you know if we

could just get on the net you know what

I'm saying just for a few minutes hey

guys come on I have this huge job due

tonight any other night would be fine

but just just not tonight oh man I

didn't know that comic chick had her own

website oh you've been holding out on us

Alex oh man bastard try F1 what you

can't download p*rn on your own

computers well yeah but you got the

super fast modem oh come on Alex um I'll

trade you the naked code for Tom way to

three for 1 hour of internet access plus

you get a zip disc of all the best stuff

we download damn okay okay but stay off

my workstation savag lo.com anyone roll

initiative get out of my

way easy or rough what's your pleasure

easy

rough give the man a

prize poor poor

Alex

and face it Alex you're never going to

escape you have to get with a girl to

get out of the

bent screw you guys I'm getting out when

you say get with a girl exactly what do

you mean well you have relations with a

female

relations like my

mom Alex just give it up the pit is our

lot in life an ongoing daily hell of

self-loathing isolation and common quots

that will only get worse until you're

finally released by the sweet kiss of a

357 what I want to know Alex is why

haven't you done anything with that fine

looking friend of yours Serena no no no

Jen Jen S no no way I kind of I think of

Jen kind of like I think of you guys

well maybe not but the point is I don't

see her that way yeah right like you

never thought about doing it with her no

no I haven't what do you think about me

doing it with her oh guys my

Constitution

hey you didn't Network the computers

together to play Quake again did you uh

no the charts I didn't save the file why

are you so fussy I mean it seems like

lettuce is the only oh

Mickey Janice 2f are you the one that

plays that awful rap music so loud oh no

I hate it I can't stand that couple and

eight with a crying baby how long have

you been in the building

um years and what about that girl Serena

you know the one black dress black hair

black soul she's so selfish never puts

the top back on the garbage can huh I

don't think I know her sure you do men

in and out of our apartment at all hours

oh sure the

divorce divorce about 45 tries to look

half her age has that nasty Ste parrot

never mind and what's that horrible

smell coming from 12d why is the change

machine always broken in the laundry

room do you like Tony

Bennett hey a I was just heading out you

up for some action I can't goat I'm here

until 600 I got to finish this huge ass

job and everyone in their mother keeps

interrupting me oh yeah I love girls who

are into that whole death trip you can

pull the life is short crap and before

you know it you got black lipstick all

over you I'm dead I have to finish this

job and there's all these screw-ups

don't sweat it man I screwed up on the

job once job yeah I was employed this

was before I developed my credit card

juggling skills anyway look I was

working at this country club go don't

tell me you were a preppy well no I was

just more clean cut back then we used to

joy ride around on the carts in the

middle of the night couldn't see a damn

thing so one night I drive on right into

the lake completely wrecking the Ducks

are freaking out and you get fired well

now me and my buddies dragged the card

out got a couple of shovels and buried

it took hours but no one ever noticed it

was gone the key to solving any problem

get rid of the

evidence you here to

dance are you kidding well we're not

picky you'd be surprised what some guys

go for I'm not here to dance then

that'll be 25 bucks 25 bucks to watch

some Third Rate reject from scores

jiggle her implants plus a three drink

minimum oh hey man I didn't see the one

with the boots before don't throw it out

I'll take it

Goat oh damn it's locked and there's no

way out of this alley you know sometimes

I really hate you H you're just

confusing hate With

Envy oh there goes my minimum wage job

cool now The World is Yours wait hold up

do you think we can get to that hey I'm

a regular Escape artiste did I ever tell

you about the time me and this sales gal

were doing it in the dressing room at

closing we got locked in had to use the

heating ducks to get out goat just give

me a hand up oh man three-way mirror oh

it was

beautiful

keep going little guy ah sorry just just

passing through not a problem how's it

going lny therey you go what's

shaking it's so sad when it

stops at least nothing got stolen well I

try to control myself after all you do

work here oh it can't be 4:00 a.m. I'll

never finish on

time oh no not him I told you last time

I can't Xerox any organic matter it's

nothing like that I need this at 83% not

82% not 84% exactly

83% actually can you do fractions I

don't have time for this what's this a

novel in progress I finally finished the

introduction it draws upon two rarely

combined genres Espionage and high CO

I'd read that you wrote this all by hand

why don't you get a computer I hate

those boogers I'm a neolite I like liked

it better when surfing was on the water

and the web was for spiders I like this

guy don't worry I'll help him out you

know I once wrote a poem about my

scrotum hey I wrote a threea play about

mine hey go lock the door okay I don't

need any more stupid interruptions don't

let anyone in sure thing

boss come on you guys hurry up let me in

you said to keep everyone out right not

her open the

door Alex my love I've come Serena my

tulip I'm so glad I have you to myself

now a prying little Jen isn't

around yeah I told her I had to work the

night shift so I could get rid of her

good I hate her she's stupid and

immature and don't forget that how could

I want to do it on the coffee machine

sons of Alex I'm being stalked I

went to pick up some stuff from my

herbalist then I went to my aunt's house

to water her plants I don't know was I

had to go pick up some dead can Dan

tickets for my friend Christy too and

the entire time this guy was following

me this short dumpy guy with a knit cap

I keep trying to lose him but he's all

over me I think he's outside I'll call

the cops hold on a second she's here

with us now and she's safe but he could

be dangerous exactly come here listen

I'm trying to help you out man if you go

out there and prove your manhood by

trouncing this guy she'll be yours but

what if he's a psycho and I still

haven't started the job what's more

important a hot chick or a mind-numbing

spirit crushing job that a lobotomized

monkey could

[Music]

do I need a portrait for my dust

jacket the girl me and big a here are

going to go throw out some trash if you

know what I mean so you just sit

tight you know Alex I could just call a

cab we'll be right back lock the door

behind us and you'll be fine but I'm

claustrophobic

hey goat you got any more of that home

boo beer can't talk now got to go kick

some ass go

go always go for the balls that's what

my mom taught me goat Alex what the hell

you guys doing

Jen I should ask you the same thing are

you the star a stalker yeah Serena came

in all freaked out and told us about

some guy trailing her all night some

guy what and you said she wasn't worth

stalking you know Alex look I was just

trying to help you out okay I just

didn't want you to get b*rned by some

skis that's all yeah right oh guys can I

get a hand up I'm telling you she picked

up what looked like at least 2 kilos

right yeah I followed her into this

ritzy building where I don't even want

to know what she was up to right yes and

then she pulled a shift at The Cheeky

doll oh my God yeah so I think it's only

fair that you know that the love of your

life is a drug dealing SNM hooker

stripper rock on was that before or

after she watered the plants Jen I don't

know where you get your info my own eyes

baby so Jen I'm sorry I kicked you in

the balls goat contrary to popular

belief I'm female oh you know what I

mean yeah yeah I know I know I'm sorry I

kicked you the balls too um how they

doing uh they're a little swollen but

nothing that can't be fixed with some

healthy exercise oh lucky for me that

lawyer's witness got whacked last night

otherwise I'd be filling out

unemployment forms hey guys just wanted

to stop in and thank you again for

kicking that dumpy guy's ass you know

escorting me home

dumpy well you know it wasn't really all

that damn right it was my man Alex was a

beast oh really come on I got you a

little something oh you really didn't

have to go ahead open it yeah go ahead

open it hero you know Matt said you were

a fan a Helen wolf thanks sure and uh

here's something for you

too deodorant all right well take care

you guys see you later hey bye take it

easy thanks a

lot did you guys see that you told her

you b*at up some psycho I can't believe

you lied to her what was I supposed to

say oh it's just my lunatic stalker

friend Jen hey Jen's stalking Days Are

Over stalking now is for desperate

pathetic losers only uh

Jen goat walk me home huh yeah sure

thing

babe