01x04 - Insomnia

[bunniefuu]

my forehead is huge I hate my

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ears choco what the hell am I supposed

to do with this I mean it's bad enough

you're making me fake an ID but at least

give me something I can work with it's

the only Booth I could find you got all

these like high tech Jazzy SCH smazzy

computers in here just take out Mecca in

the pain and it'll work come on wait I

can I can it'll take like 2 seconds the

boss will have my ass for this it's

illegal it's against store policy oh but

downloading p*rn on company times

like all good

right can I help

you um yeah I need to make some posters

well let me see here make me 22 21 is

like so obvious oh I'm not made out of

money

oh

Serena in the comic shop or whatever are

you ever going to ask that girl out I

got to find the right moment right

moment my ass what about now she's like

right over there what no no not now no

way I'm not in the right mindset God

Alex we got a PR job here can you take

care of it he's the expert I just tell

the

place uh

can I help you so you're the expert huh

you might say that this has to be just

right I want the ink blood red not you

know

orang this is uh really cool did you do

do you I I mean are you involved with

this so how many copies do you want Oh

My Bro the sex

machine you see you're going to have a

problem with this one the plastic is

just too thin for New York any common

bouncer will spot this in a second what

you need is a Florida Driver's License

cuz they really are laminated

cheaper US m*llitary this should get you

in a lot of trouble

but it usually works Canadian perfect

but humiliating I hear the best way to

break in an idea is in a restaurant you

know order a lot of food and sneak in a

drink oldest trick in the book works

though what do you say one to grab a

burger I'm

hungry vile yeah meat is so vile I meant

fruity talking vile you guys hear about

the Malaysian place that just opened up

on first I hear they serve fried slugs

Matt come on now that's nasty puke

what's wrong with fried slugs they're no

worse than charred cow or processed pig

guts that's hot dogs to you oh yeah but

hot dogs taste good snails on the other

hand what's the matter are you

scared fru not scared fruity smart um

yeah well whatever fruti I'm not scared

I'd try them how about you Mecca uh no

way what Matt I know you'd eat them nah

I think I'll pass what do you think you

want to check this place out seems like

we're the only ones with any balls

around here I bet you eat those too not

nice not nice at all I'm down how about

Saturday night 9: CL cool yeah I should

be up by them hey is it okay if I bring

my brother along he loves all that weird

and exotic crap she's all like sure why

not oh plus I told you you'd insist on

paying oh Chaka I don't know if I don't

sweat it I made you look good now you

get to go out with Serena without even

asking her you owe me big time oh God I

can't believe what you did do you know

what you did I can't believe what you

did oh my you didn't tell her I'm the

guy from the copy shop did you g of

course not do you want me to ruin you oh

man and after dinner I'll make up some

excuse to cut out and leave you guys

alone genius huh oh I'm going to vomit

what's wrong with you God can't you Chow

on a few fried slugs for the chance to

be with your woman the slugs are no

problem but I I don't know I mean I mean

what am I going to say that's the beauty

part you don't have to say anything

we'll all be too busy gagging to talk

well I mean it's just a little get

together it's not exactly like a a real

dat no I mean it's not like a date it's

just casual right I mean just just a

casual exercise and utter humiliation

Jen I'm okay I can handle it you have

nothing in common with this girl what

can you possibly have to talk about

there's such a thing as universals hello

life makes no value judgments it is up

to us to decide what course of action to

take another

slug I had no idea your brother was

so fascinating and perceptive he is

pretty

cool universals huh yeah you know

philosophy and crap what you babbling

about I can't even believe we're related

you're going to make a total idiot of

yourself and you know it but you're

still going to walk right in and take

what's coming to you there's nothing to

fear but fear itself oh I beg to differ

you could drop food in your lap forget

to put on deodorant that day spit in

Serena's face while you talk you're not

helping here and where you ever got the

idea you'd hit it off with a Vampire is

beyond me for your information she's not

a vampire she just likes to dress that

way oh I'm sorry all pad pouty people

look alike to me plus she's a very

talented zither player which you know

all about and love so much you realize

you're really going to humiliate

yourself hey thanks man I really needed

that positive

reinforcement no problem glad to be of

service stop by anytime good luck on

your

date black holes the common metaphors

linking world religions joke I heard the

other day on Howard St you alone I am so

intoxicated by your charms I feel like

I'm floating fainting or Carousel let us

merge our soul would you like a bread

stick I sure would isn't this Frey it

sure is slby

I am concerned about our situation

follow me and your cares will subside

enveloping womanness awaits

wow you're in 10it are being H Serena

wait I'm right behind you oh no I'm

stuck I'm stuck don't go damn this

sticky discus

goo

ah ah

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ah damn

stop you no no no

no how's it coming fine fine I hope so

you're you're using expensive paper

there's a there's a customer why don't

you handle it you look like hell oh gee

thanks how come you can never say that

to a girl you look like hell today Jen

thank you you know I think that's the

first time you referred to me as a girl

and not as like the asexual friend that

you have oh you know so how come you

look like death warmed over what are you

trying to appeal to the vampire chick I

told you she's not a vampire she's a

goth she's highend ah highend goth yeah

I mean I I just I woke up last night and

that's why I look like hell I couldn't

get back to sleep it's some big deal

yeah I know I know I've been trying to

get a good night's sleep since puberty

try warm milk and turkey before bed the

trip to fans will put you right to sleep

I mean it's not that it's really nothing

it was just one night one night one

night will that's how it starts you see

but then the next night you want to

sleep even more desperately which makes

it even much less likely and then pretty

soon it's this never ending hell of

restless nights and washed out days like

Night of the Living

Dead the key is to put it right out of

your mind start obsessing and you're

screwed yeah you're I I mean you're

definitely you start to think your mind

starts to go how do I function I mean

will will I ever sleep again what's that

sound oh my God Is there is there a

problem in the house what what's the bed

bug oh my God it's 3:00 a.m. it's it's

4:00 a.m. it's 5 a.m. I can count J you

you know what helps counting back from

100 sometimes works that'll put you

right out but if that doesn't work you

can try the Home Shopping Channel you

know Matlock if you're really really

desperate what's wrong with Matlock he's

crafty I don't know Jak the fat man is

good and when all else fails clean the

bathtub even if you can't sleep there

will be a clean bathtub waiting for you

in the morning all right I appreciate

the advice but this is no big deal don't

blame in when the t*rture begins but

like I said best not to think about it

thanks thanks for your help but I don't

think I'll have any trouble sleeping

tonight

what uh hello hello who's there hey Alex

a hi Jen you awake I'm awake now oh I

can't sleep I finally dozed off but then

the phone rang and sorry I figured you'd

be up and I just had to unload on a

fellow inom Leia brought this guy back

and they are having the loudest sex I

ever heard she's making All These Foo

noises but what really kills me is that

can you keep it down when she was

getting ready to go out she was telling

me all about her date he has a leus not

the lowend kind but the highend kind and

he does some Wall Street job where you

make money when the stocks go up and

when they go down sounds like he could

be the one oh but he has the tiniest

little thing I mean I can hardly find it

remember Jack his was the biggest he had

to wear those Mega condoms or whatever

most guys are in the middle not that it

matters to me since I really don't like

sex very much really but what about all

those noises you make Jen guys expect

that especially if you order appetizers

oh I don't know if I can even describe

his it's kind of like um so she looks

like she's trying to remember how how

you know nonmassive he was and then she

gets a bright idea one of the few of her

life I might add she stares at her

lipstick she takes it and let me make

sure and then she puts it in her

mouth oh yeah that's about

right can you b*at that and now she's

acting all

like oh with Larry lipstick in there and

you should have seen the one she brought

home last week believe this I mean he

she Andy

kidge where did she was that much yeah

hey sounds like they finally passed out

thanks Alex I think I can finally get

some sleep I'm tired oh lucky you I've

been up like 36

hours I'm starting to see things

whatever

bye

better a

rule what you think Mister pretty cool

huh and only two bucks get away from me

get away

oh I know what you're up to you can't

fool

me no not

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again apple pie with that no

oh just coffee do I know you I've seen

your face some birs it must have been

one of those lists in the post office I

don't think so don't worry about me

sweetie I wouldn't call police on pain

customer maybe I will have that apple

pie good

boy

31 32 33 34 35

36 hey Alex man you look like I should

feel seeing as how I woke up with a new

tattoo next to a girl who looks like ass

and I'm just a little out of it I didn't

get any sleep last night nice sh**ting

Tex I'm happy for you how's it feel to

be a man hey I've had chicks before all

right but no wasn't like that I had

insomnia damn man thought you finally

got some oh well should I make a

separate pile for the

Canadians hey bro ready for the big

night

uh dinner with Serena and the Slugs

remember tonight Saturday damn of course

I know Chaka and there's no way I'm

sorry I knew you'd bail I'm not bailing

I've been up for two nights in a row I'm

sorry I whatever like I haven't yeah but

you sleep all day after all went through

I can't believe you'd blow it you don't

deserve Serena you can stay home with

your fists of Fury we'll eat our slugs

and then maybe the two of us will go out

and pick up some real

men brothers of creation who he knows

them well just the drummer but since

they were in town he felt like he had to

hang out he was pretty bummed so am I

now he's going to pay for dinner oh I

bet he'll want to pick up the tab anyway

he's like

that ah they've got some bizarre things

here this caramelized frog do you think

it's like a whole frog

apparently ladies your Trang Pang

galloon do you prefer them with or

without the heads um which end is the

head oh God

oh uh with the heads

please so I blew it at least I'll

finally be able to get some sleep yeah

probably wait what's that supposed to

mean nothing just don't start obsessing

okay I'm not count sheep don't start

counting all the things you did wrong

all what things I didn't do anything

wrong you know you don't think I'm going

to get another chance with Serena do you

huh admit it admit it

Alex settle down all right okay all

right I don't know I'll talk to you

later all

right hey look at me Alex Hensen

Manhattan's number one loser oh yeah

look at me Constantine BS off I'm

Manhattan's number one

[Applause]

loser not me ah

I got to sleep I got to

[Applause]

sleep hello

hello I know you're from somewhere don't

I I really don't think

so what's with the smile

smile wait a minute the copy shop you're

doing our poster hey this is where we're

having the event event event yeah I know

stupid word just a bunch of freaks

parading around no it's a good

word I mean I've run from normal people

cuz they look so strange M I totally

know what you mean do you do you know

about the Slugs too the Slugs God that's

so weird I ate slugs tonight I know you

and my sister you know you're wow wait

you're chaka's brother aren't we all

chaka's brother well yeah of course we

are but I mean you really are and you're

the guy who knows Brothers of creat

sometimes it feels like there are too

many brothers and

sisters sometimes I feel like a

motherless

[Laughter]

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child it's true

though

oh

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God hey you know you owe me 49 bucks for

dinner slugs are

expensive

hey

hello National Merit

scholar

here's a 10 keep the

[Applause]

change and I I was walking and walking

but but this time it was all really

beautiful somehow and and I felt I felt

like I was like like part of it you know

yeah and then and then like I said I was

in this place with Serena and and then

you just woke up in your own sticky bed

no idea how you got there you were

dreaming Alex no no it wasn't a dream it

was dr*gs

no maybe it was a dream damn it I'm late

for work again see you yeah um I should

take off too got to meet a hotti for

anyway sorry you didn't hook up with

Serena maybe next time you won't choke

so bad

lers hi Alex you got home all right

Serena hi yeah I mean that's where I

woke up so I guess I must have hey you

know I had a great time hanging out with

you I had no idea you were a night owl

like me oh are my posters ready oh yeah

I mean no you see I I use too much red

ink on the letter I'm such an idiot W I

like it it's all dreamy and distorted

this is great great here you go I don't

know you know if you're into this kind

of thing but maybe if you'd like to come

you know I didn't know you only dress

like this because you have to I mean

because of your job I thought you were

some kind of geek or something I didn't

realize you had so much weird cool stuff

going on in your head me well yeah I

mean that'd be

great say Friday Friday five sleepless

night that should be just enough time

h

h

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