03x01 - A Fiñata Full Of Death Bugs

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on Henry Danger...

- Someone left this note in my locker.

- What's it say? - It says "I know your secret".

- That's right Henry. I know.

- Jasper thinks that's Henry's secret?

- What other secret does Henry have?

-Hey kid, we have a little emergency.

- Jasper left the note! - I know.

- You're Kid Danger!

- Yeah.

You knew that. Ooh...

- We have to erase Jasper's memory.

- Uh, what? - No.

We leave Jasper the way he is,

or else... I can't be Kid Danger anymore.

- Wait, does that mean you're saying...

- Yes, Jasper can keep his stupid brain the way it is.

- Ooh! I can even help you fight bad guys and stuff.

- Uh, well... - That's not a good idea.

- C'mon, it's my dream!

- I don't know about this, man, I dunno.

- C'mon, it's gonna be great.

- Oh, that's exactly what you said when you talked me

into eating one of those "women's energy bars".

Then I couldn't stop reading books about princesses!

- Dude, I've known Jasper my whole life.

- That does not mean he's qualified to have a job here.

D'ah!

[ alarm blares ]

- Oh, hey. Happy Saturday morning.

- Yo. - Maybe you're happy.

- Char, will you tell Ray that Jasper

working at Junk-N-Stuff isn't gonna be a problem?

- I can't tell lies before breakfast.

- Here ya go.

- What's this? - Lady bar.

- Scrambled eggs.

-Scrambled eggs.

[ computer beeps ]

- Oh, he's here.

[ Ray groans ]

- Hey, what's up. - Hey!

Jasper Dunlop, here to see Captain Man and Kid Danger!

- Shh! - D'oh!

- Did ya hear that?

He's gonna blab all our secrets to the whole world!

- No, not after we show him our video.

- Fine!

Just get him down here, get him down here!

- Hey, I think something's wrong with the auto-snacker.

- What's the problem?

- I ordered scrambled eggs

and I'm still standin' here, eggless.

- Well, I'm stressed out! I need my wireless headphones.

- What about the...

Scrambled eggs!

Eggs-o-day scramble-dee-oh-so!

-Mashed potatoes.

- Wh-- what did I say that sounded anything

like mashed potatoes?

Ray!

- I'm sorry, I need to listen to my meditation music

and calm down my inner parts.

- Ooh, here we go.

- Om... My God I'm freakin' out.

- All right. Where are my scrambled eggs?

- Om...maha is not the capital of Nebraska.

[ screams ]

- Help! Get me out of here!

- Omm...makasi is when you let your sushi chef

choose your sushi for you.

[ screaming ]

- Why are you wearing a tie?

- Oh, 'cause it's my first day at work

and I wanna make a good impression.

- Take off the tie.

- My tie.

- Whoa, the back room.

- Uh-huh.

- Now, don't get scared.

- Dude, this ain't my first elevator ride.

- Yeah, okay.

[ Jasper screams ]

[ elevator beeps ]

- Oh.

- Okay, I got him.

- Hey boss!

- Good morning, Jasper.

- Guess what I'm wearing.

- A goofy tie?

- No, what I'm wearing down here.

- Okay.

- Son, I uh... don't wanna know...

- Captain Manderpants!

- Henry?

- Put your underwear back in your pants,

you're making him uncomfortable.

- Uh, where'd Charlotte go?

- I dunno, probably somewhere.

[ Charlotte screams ]

- Now, Jasper...

- Yes, Captain! - First, never do that.

Secondly, if you're gonna work upstairs in Junk-N-Stuff,

the most important thing to remember

is to never reveal my identity, or Henry's.

- I get it.

- You will get it.

When you watch this video.

-Never tell the secret.

Captain Man and Kid Danger.

If you're watching this video,

that means you know their true, secret identities,

Ray Manchester and Henry Hart.

- I love that pic of us. - Yeah, we look good.

- Help!

-Revealing the secret could have terrible consequences.

Such as tragedy.

The end of the Earth as we know it.

And loss of bladder control.

- Aw, no!

[ Charlotte screams ]

- And now, a personal warning to you,

from Captain Man and Kid Danger.

- Never reveal the secret.

- Or this could happen to you.

- Hey friend! Guess what?

Captain Man is really Ray Manchester.

And Kid Danger, why he's really

a boy named Henry Hart.

Ain't that a juicy secret?

[ giggles ]

-Don't do it.

- Any questions?

- How'd you guys get that watermelon to talk?

- Help!

- Wait, what was that... - Help me!

- Charlotte!

- I'm uncomfortable!

- Help me get her outta here!

- Charlotte!

You're not supposed to crawl into the machine!

[ alarm blares ]

- Uh-Oh!

- What's going on?

[ Henry groans ]

- There's an emergency at the airport.

- Ooh, is a flight delayed?

- No!

- C'mon, Kid...

- What are you guys gonna do?

- We've got a crime to thwart. - At the Swellview Airport.

- Whoa. Do you guys plan those rhymes?

- Uh, no. No. - No. They're super organic.

- Wait, what about Charlotte?

- Hey Charlotte, how's it goin' in there?

- It's going bad!

Get me out of this thing!

- We can't-- we've got an emergency.

- I'm an emergency!

- Well, I mean, can you breathe okay?

[ muffled shouting ]

- Okay, what'd she say?

- Uh, I'm pretty sure she said,

"Hey, I'm good, you guys go do whatcha gotta do."

- Okay. Don't worry, Char.

Schwoz'll be back here in, like, two or three hours!

- Two to three hours?

- Wait!

What am I supposed to do while you guys are out fighting crime?

- Just go up to Junk-N-Stuff and watch the store!

- But I have some questions about my job.

- We'll answer all your questions right after

we say "up the tube".

- Up the tube! - Up the tube!

- Okay, um...

When a customer comes into the store, am I supposed to--

Well, this is dumb, they're not even here.

- It all just kind of happened.

I wanted an afterschool job.

But then, an indestructible superhero hired me

to be his sidekick.

- Ah!

- Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

- Call it. - Up the tube!

Oh, my boot.

- Ha!

And according to officials, the elderly woman failed

to engage her safety bar, which is what caused her

to go flying out of the roller coaster

and crashing into a corn dog stand.

- Uh... hang on, we have some breaking news.

- Ooh, what's happening?

- Shh! Shut up, shut up...

Okay, this just in...

Captain Man and Kid Danger have stopped a criminal

who was trying to smuggle a container of

highly aggressive bugs called Zom-bees,

insects that att*ck humans by flying into their ears,

then feeding on their brain matter.

- OMG, they eat your brain?

- Don't worry, Mary, you have nothing to worry about.

[ grunting ]

- Okay, I've got the head!

[ grunting ]

- Oh, what a pretty fish you have!

- You're squeezing my head too hard!

- Well, what you want me to do?

- Let go! - 'Kay-kay.

[ Charlotte screams ]

- Uh, did Charlotte just get sucked into--

- Relax, I'll get her out in a minute.

Why do you have that thing?

- This thing is a fiñata. - [ fiñata buzzes ]

- Yeah, see, it's like a piñata, but, like, fish-themed.

- I know what a fiñata is.

- Well, I bet you don't know that this fiñata

is filled with live Zom-bees.

- Ayee!

You can't bring Zom-bees into the Man Cave!

If that fiñata breaks, they will fly into our ears

and munch on our brains!

- We know.

- Yeah, so, how do we get rid of it?

- Take it upstairs to Junk-N-Stuff.

I'll call animal control and have 'em come

pick up that fiñata of death.

- Okay, I'll bring it upstairs.

- Don't forget to change your clothes.

- Oh yeah.

- Hey hey! - Geez, Henry!

- Be careful with that thing!

- Guys, chill out. I'm not gonna drop it.

- Do you have it? - Yeah.

- Are you good? - It's fine.

- Are you good? - Ray... it's fine.

- Okay.

- Here you go.

And, here's your receipt. - Thank you.

- And enjoy your vintage waterbed.

- I will. And so will my cats.

- Uh, you want I should help you carry that to your car?

- Please. - I got it.

- It's so heavy.

- Well, probably vintage water inside.

- You're so helpful.

- Well, you're so nice. - Oh stop.

- Are those real? - What?

- Your earrings. - Oh, yes.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Hey, Jasper? Yo, Jasp?

[ communicator beeps ]

- Hey, what's up?

- Schwoz and I are tryin' to pull Charlotte

out of the auto-snacker and we need another pair of hands.

- Okay, I'll be down in a sec.

♪ You know I flaunt ya, 'Cuz girl I really want ya ♪

♪ And you lookin' nice

♪ You got me cooler than a bag of ice, now freeze... ♪

- ♪ Freeze, freeze, freeze

♪ Now go

♪ Drop it fast and move it real slow, oh!♪

♪ What?

♪ You smell so fruity, I'm a pirate and you're my booty ♪

♪ Arg

- Oh my God. Are you rapping?

- Yeah.

- Well, don't.

- Hey, I work here now, so you have to be nice to me.

- No, I'm here as the customer,

so you have to be nice to me.

- No-- - The customer is always right!

- Yes, ma'am.

- Hey, we're gonna be late. - Late for what?

- A birthday party for our friend.

So help us pick out a present, would ya?

- Does she like dogs? - Yeah?

- This is a dog skeleton.

Woof, woof, woof.

We'll keep looking.

- Hey, is this a fiñata?

[ fiñata buzzes ]

- Ooh, cool. How much for the fiñata?

- Lemme check...

- We don't care if it's a boy or a girl.

- I'm checking for a price tag!

I don't see one anywhere.

- Good, then it's free, thanks.

- Wait, I didn't say you girls could--

- The customer is always right!

- Okay, you may take it.

- Pull!

[ grunting, shouting ]

- She's still stuck!

[ shouting ]

[ Charlotte screams ]

- Well, how are we gonna get her outta there?

- Ehhh... - Hey... how 'bout this?

- Charlotte.

-Charlotte.

[ Charlotte screams ]

- Hey! - Hey!

- It's a girl!

- You okay?

- No, I am not okay!

And I still never got my scrambled eggs.

-Scrambled eggs.

- You uh...

Ya got some...

[ communicator beeping ]

- That's Jasper, upstairs.

Hey Jasper, what's up?

- There's two guys here from animal control,

asking about some Zom-bees?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, Jasper.

The Zom-bees are inside the purple fiñata.

- Oh. I sold the fiñata.

- Great, then just give it to-- You sold the fiñata?

- Yeah. And a waterbed.

- Wh-- Well, who'd you sell it to?

- Piper. - Pi--?

My sister?

- Do you realize what'll happen

if those Zom-bees get outta that fiñata?

- Okay, okay, don't worry about it!

I'm sure Piper just, like, took it home

and put it in her room or something.

[ girls shouting ]

- How?

How could you give my sister a fiñata full of death bugs?

- I didn't know there were bugs in it!

- Well, there are!

There's at least fifty Zom-bees inside that fiñata!

- Okay, yelling at Jasper isn't gonna help anything.

- Thank you.

- Do you realize how dangerous those bees are?

- Yah! They fly into your head, through your ears,

and then they feed upon your brain!

- You should not have worn that tie.

- Okay, just...

Did my sister say she was going anywhere?

- Uh... yeah.

Some friend of hers' birthday party!

- Oh yeah, uh... Gabby Birch!

- Who's Gabby Birch? - Her friend!

C'mon, let's blow and go.

- No, are you insane? - What?

- We can't just run in there as Captain Man

and Kid Danger and be like, "Hey kids!

"We're here at the party because we were worried that

"some k*ller bugs might fly into your heads

and eat your brains, happy birthday, Gabby!"

- All right, all right, then...

We just gotta sneak in, grab the fiñata,

and get outta there fast.

- Okay. - Oh, c'mon!

- What?

- How are you guys gonna sneak into a birthday party

without being seen?

[ kids chattering ]

- Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray! - What, what?

- They're whacking the fiñata!

[ Ray gasps ]

- I don't get why this stupid fiñata won't break.

- Here, I found a shovel.

- Whack it, Piper!

- Dear God, she's using a shovel.

- Hello...?

- Uh...

- Hey. - Hi. How are you?

- I'm Mrs. Birch, the birthday girl's mom.

- How are you doing?

- Okay, so, which one of you is Burples,

and which one is Schmuütz?

- Uh, I'm Burples. - I'm Burples.

- I'm Schmuütz. - Schmuütz.

- I okay... - He's Schmuütz.

I'm Burples most the time.

You know, we swap. - We trade off.

[ laughs ]

- You two really are clowns.

- Thanks a lot. - Yeah, okay.

- Well... I'll just leave the entertainment

up to you guys, then.

- That'll be great, ma'am, thank you.

- Yes, we are professional clowns.

- Okay.

- Dang it, they're gonna break that thing open any second!

- Uh... Ooh, I got a plan. I got a plan.

Hey kids! Hey!

Over here, kids!

- What are ya doin'? - Shhh!

- What?

- You wanna know what's more fun than whackin' a fiñata?

- Tell us.

[ chattering ]

- Whackin' Burples the clown!

- No, no. No, no, no, no.

- You're indestructible! - So?

- So just take it!

[ screaming ]

[ screaming continues ]

- Take that!

[ Ray screaming ]

- Oh, the kids are having such fun.

- Why do you have a brick?

[ kids screaming ]

- Where are your parents?

- Come on!

[ kids screaming ]

- Another backyard fulla stupid kids.

- I hate kids' birthday parties.

- Maybe we can steal some good presents.

- Yeah, that'd be nice.

- Uh... who are you people?

- We're the clowns.

- But, I thought--

- Hey, hey, who are those clowns?

- Hey!

- That clown ain't supposed to be here!

- Yeah, we booked this job!

- Huh?

- Uh, look, uh...

there's a perfectly rational explanation--

- Why don't you shut up and get outta here!

- Uh, are you guys threatening me?

- Maybe.

- Ah!

Oh, that's it.

You're goin' down, clown.

- Come on!

- Clown fight! Clown fight!

- Clown fight! Clown fight!

Clown fight! Clown fight! Clown fight!

Clown fight! Clown fight! Clown fight!

[ chanting continues ]

- The Zom-bees!

[ screaming ]

- It's hurting my brain!

- They're k*lling us!

- Uh...

- Happy birthday, Gabby.

- We hope you have more. Okay, we gotta go.

- Whoa, clowns? Mister clowns?

- Yeah, what's up? - Yeah, what's up?

- You're supposed to stay and entertain

the children until five o' clock.

That's two more hours.

- Oh. Uhhh... - The thing about that is...

- Hey!

Gabby wants you clowns to make some stuff with balloons.

- Oh!

- But we.. got to go. - Uh...

- So do it.

- Look kids, airplane.

- Uh...

Look, I made an X.

[ coughs ]

- Uh, excuse me.

How much longer do we have to be here?

- An hour and fifty-five minutes.

- Oh, God.

[ oven bell ]

- Mmm...