03x16 - Zoey's Ribs
Posted: 03/28/24 21:08
WOMAN: Are you ready?
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪
♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪
♪ Do I look good today? ♪
♪ Today, today ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪
♪ And you want
to see my world ♪
♪ So come and run away ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ If you wanna play ♪
♪ Come and play today ♪
♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪
♪ I will make you see ♪
♪ All of the things ♪
♪ That you can be ♪
♪ Believe in yourself ♪
♪ Come follow me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[pop music]
[honks horn]
- Oh, come on.
- You come on.
- Like you've ever been
stranded on a deserted island.
- Neither have you.
- Uh, well, if I was
and I could only have one thing,
I would way rather have
a pair of socks than a knife.
- Why?
- One, socks will keep
your feet warm
so you don't freeze to death,
two, you can stick
your hand up a sock
and use it as a puppet
to keep yourself company,
and, three,
you drop a rock in a sock,
and, bam, you got yourself
a swingable w*apon.
- How is a rock in a sock
a w*apon?
- Why don't you close your eyes
and I'll show you?
- I don't want to close my eyes
and you show me!
- Why do you always talk?
No, you are not!
- No. I'm not gonna close
my eyes, and you'll show me!
- But you always talk.
- I know I'm always gonna talk.
- Just listen.
- Why do I have to shut up?
- One, two...
- Stop it!
- Can't we live in a world
where socks and knives
coexist peacefully?
- Hey, Zoey,
there's a delivery guy out there
looking for you.
- Wait!
Tell him that a rock in a sock
is not a w*apon.
- You don't make any sense.
- I'm handsome!
I don't have to make sense,
you know that?
- Let's stop talkin', okay?
I'm always right!
- No, you're not!
- Or a w*apon.
- It doesn't matter.
- Hi. You lookin' for me,
Zoey Brooks?
- Yeah. Sign here.
- What am I signing for?
- Ribs.
- Ribs?
- Who sent me ribs?
- Here.
- Would you--
- Sure.
Oh, my god.
- What?
- Your great Uncle Morris
passed away.
- I have a great Uncle Morris?
- Well, had.
- Aw.
- And he left you some ribs.
That's sweet and...
kind of weird.
- Yeah, this is a lot of ribs.
- Uh, you got more than that.
[light music]
- Okay. Write down three drops
of ammonium paraphite.
- What's the point
of making a liquid candle?
- An everlasting liquid candle.
You never have to relight it.
- I wish I was everlasting.
- All right.
Here, you light the candle.
- Okay.
- And I'll videotape the moment
for posterity.
And...go.
Aah!
[fire alarm whooping]
Oh!
[squealing/talking shrilly]
- What?
- Your eyebrows blew off.
- [whimpering]
[music]
♪ ♪
- All right.
You can keep your ribs in there
until Sunday.
- Thank you so much.
- But then
I need the space back.
I got a big shipment
of tater pops
coming in Monday morning.
- Oh, I love tater pops!
They're like French fries
in ball form.
- You're in ball form.
- Look, why do you have to say
the most ridiculous--
[both shouting]
- Hey, hey!
- Cool it!
- Hey, enough!
Okay. I did not suffer
through two years
of cafeteria college for this.
- You see what you do?
You guys upset a lunch lady.
- There's no such thing
as cafeteria college.
- Just stop fighting
for two seconds
and help Zoey figure out
how she's gonna eat
a thousand pounds of ribs
before Monday.
- What do you guys think
about a rib cook-off?
- What do you mean,
like a contest?
- Yeah. Kids form teams,
everybody sets up a booth,
best ribs win.
- I think people
will be into it.
- Probably.
- And the four of us
could be a team.
- I'm in. Cool!
- My dad's got an awesome
baby back rib recipe.
- Ooh, that works,
'cause my grandma makes
this homemade barbeque sauce,
you'd cry it's so good.
- Sweet!
- Yeah.
- Oh, you see?
Now, that's nice.
- What do you mean?
- What's nice?
- Seein' you guys cooperate
and not fight for once.
- Well, ribs do bring people
together.
- The magic of pork.
- [laughs] Amen!
- Amen.
- Amen.
- Yeah.
[music]
- Ow. Ow. Ow!
- Do you want eyebrows or not?
- Yes, please.
- Then hold still
and stop being a baby.
There.
- Dear god.
- Those were the only
fake eyebrows they had
in the drama department.
- I cannot walk around PCA
with two red gerbils
on my face.
- Hey, guys.
Oh, my god!
Mark, you look ridiculous!
- See?
- Would you rather have
no eyebrows at all?
- By tomorrow morning,
he'll have
his own eyebrows back.
- You found them?
- No. I made this.
It's a follicular stimulant.
- A follicu...huh?
- It accelerates hair growth.
You just dab a little
on whatever skin
you wish to become hairy,
and within hours, hair.
- And it works?
- You tell me.
- Oh!
- Oh, my--
- Your pit's all furry.
- Well, I had to test it out,
so last night
I put some of this under my arm,
and now, tuft.
- Oh!
- Stop showing us.
- Well, calm down.
I'll shave it off
before I go to bed tonight.
Now, get those caterpillars
off Mark's face.
- Okay.
- Uh, wait.
Is this gonna hurt?
'Cause I have
a low threshold of...
[ripping]
[screaming] pain!
[echoing]
Pain.
[music]
- Hey, want to play some pool?
Your loss.
- Coco.
- Hey, Coco.
- What?
- Look.
Dean Rivers just signed this.
- Am I fired?
- No.
- It just says we're allowed
to have a rib cook-off
this Saturday in the quad.
- If we get an adult
to supervise.
- Ribs? Can I be the judge?
- Well, yeah,
we were just gonna ask--
- I want to be the judge!
- Okay!
- You can be the judge.
- Yes!
Ha ha!
- Lola, come on, come on.
Let's go.
- I'm comin'.
- Where are you guys going?
- To grab some breakfast
before class.
Want to come?
- Yeah.
Let me just throw on
some clothes.
- Aah! Aah!
- What? What do you--
Aah!
What happened?
- I thought you shaved it off
last night.
- I did.
It must've grown back overnight
while I was...
Mark.
- Aaah!
[music]
[horns honk]
- You know, I like ribs,
but I feel bad
for the poor pigs.
- Oh, they don't have
to hurt the pigs anymore
to get the ribs.
- That's not true.
- Shh!
Now, you just lay the ribs
down there.
- Okay.
- And I'll apply
the Reese family's
world-famous rib rub.
- World famous?
- Yes. World famous.
- So if I'm walkin' down
the street in Bangladesh
and I turn to some Bangladonian
and say,
"Hey, you heard about
the Reese family's rib rub?"
he's gonna say,
[East Indian accent]
"Oh. Well, of course.
That is a world-famous rib rub.
World famous."
- I have to put up with this?
- Just rub the ribs.
- Okay. Step one.
You sprinkle it
all over both sides of the slab
like this,
then just rub it in
really good like this.
And...there.
- Nice.
- Okay.
Now what about the sauce?
- Ha! All right.
Now, we're just gonna take
a little of the sauce
with this brush, you see?
Then we're just gonna spread it
evenly across the slab.
- That's too much.
- Excuse me.
- You just put a little sauce on
before you cook 'em,
and then when they're almost
done, you put more on.
- You're a moron.
- Just tryin' to help.
- I'm doin' it
the way my grandma does it.
- Well, your grandma's wrong.
- Did I tell you
how to rub the ribs?
- No, 'cause I did it right.
- Come on, boys, play nice.
- No, no, no, no. It's cool.
Ha. Ha ha.
He did do it right.
Ha ha.
In fact, let me see if I have
the rib-rubbing technique down.
First, you get some rub,
then you apply it to the ribs.
That's right,
all in the rib cage area.
All in there, like that.
[laughs]
- Okay, maybe this would be
a good time
to take a little break.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Let me see if I understand
how to apply the sauce.
- The sauce?
That how your grandma does it?
- Ha ha. Yeah.
Let me show you
how she takes out the trash.
- Oh! Oh!
[shouting]
- One more time!
My grandma does so--
- Get off of him!
Guys, break it up! Stop!
- Don't talk about my grandma!
- Break! Break!
Okay. Okay. Okay.
- All right, since you two
can't act like grown-ups...
- We're gonna form
two separate teams.
- Michael, you're with me.
- Good!
- Sadly, I got you.
- Good.
Our ribs are gonna make
your ribs taste like...
bad ribs.
- Well, we'll settle this
on the grill.
- Quinn!
[students hooting and talking]
Quinn?
Quinn!
[music]
- Wait.
I thought you guys
and Michael and Logan
were all
on the same rib team.
What happened?
- Well, there was a rubbing.
- There was a saucing.
- Some grandma-bashing.
- And now I'm cooking ribs
with Michael.
- And I'll be ribbin' it up
with Logan.
- Zoey. Zoey!
- Oh, hey, Dean Rivers.
- What's up, Dean-o?
- Too casual.
- Dean Rivers, how are you?
- Very excited.
Guess who's right outside
the building.
- Who?
- Pierre Le Mange.
- From the food channel?
- No way!
- He's like the most famous
chef in the world.
- What's he doing here?
- He wants to judge
your rib cook-off.
- What?
- How did he even know about--
- I was at the gas station,
he pulls up next to me.
I say, "Aren't you
Pierre Le Mange?"
and he says, "Oui, oui."
- Really?
- Yeah.
So we start talking,
I mention the rib cook-off,
and he just offered
to be the judge.
- That's so cool.
- That's the best.
- That's awesome.
- You want to meet him?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
- Totally.
- Wait here.
- You got a celebrity judge.
- Yeah,
and who's gonna tell Coco?
- Who's gonna tell me what?
- Uh, Coco.
Um...
Zoey, why don't you tell Coco
the exciting news?
- Thanks, Chase.
Um...
on a scale of one to 10,
how mad would you be
if you didn't judge
the rib cook-off?
- [shrieks]
What?!
- Students, Pierre Le Mange.
- I can't stand it
when I'm promised something
and then--oh, my god,
you're Pierre Le Mange!
[giggling]
- Bonjour, mademoiselle.
Mes amis.
- I watch you on TV
all the time.
I made
your butternut squash fries.
- And were they delicious?
- Yeah!
- I knew your answer
before you responded.
- I'm Coco.
- Coco, named after my favorite
warm, chocolatey beverage
with the small marshmallows
that float upon the surface.
- [giggling]
- See, we were hoping
you'd be okay if Mr. Le Mange
judged the rib cook-off
and, uh...
- You were the assistant judge.
- Okay!
- Ah, you are a food expert?
- Oh, you bet your sweet bippy.
- I find you all delightful,
and I look forward
to tasting your ribs.
- I am in love with that man.
- Hey, Coco.
you dropped your pillowcase.
- That is my underwear!
- Well, I'm gonna go
boil my hand.
[music]
♪ ♪
- Look at this.
- Look at this!
- Well, what are we
supposed to do?
[music]
♪ ♪
[razors buzzing]
- This is one of
our brand-new dormitories.
Notice the extra wide hallways?
- Fantastique.
I have never seen
a school hallway so wide.
[cell phone ringing]
- Excuse me.
I should take this.
Just give me one second.
- But of course.
- Rivers here.
Sure, what time?
- Hey, Mr. Le Mange.
- Oui?
- I, uh...I hear
you're judging
the rib cook-off.
- Indeed, this is true.
Are you one of
the students competing?
- Yeah, me and my friend--
a tall, skinny kid, weird hair.
- Ah, it is nice to see
a young person
so interested in cooking.
- Interested in winning.
Oh, hey. What's this?
I think you dropped some cash.
- But I don't think--
- Take it.
- Oh.
- And, uh, when you're judgin',
just remember, Logan Reese,
the guy who found your $300.
[razors buzzing]
- There. I'm all fixed.
- Well, I'm not.
I have no eyebrows.
I look like a freak.
- No, you just look more...
aerodynamic.
Now, come on.
Let's go meet Zoey and Lola
for dinner.
- I'm not going out in public
like this.
- [sigh] All right.
I'll bring you something back.
- Thanks.
Can I get a plain potato
and a napkin?
- Sure. No butter, sour cream?
Plain potato and a napkin.
- Oh...
[cracking sound]
Oh! This is helping my back
more than you can understand.
- Oh, that's good to hear.
You just relax and enjoy.
- Very well,
but you must let me pay you
for this massage.
- Now, now,
you just remember me,
Michael Barret,
when you're judging
that rib cook-off.
- Oh. How can I forget?
You have hands
like a lumberjack.
- Oh! You flatter me.
Look out!
Here comes the chop-a-matic.
- Ohhh!
Ohhh! Ohhh!
- Ha ha. You like that.
I know.
[music]
♪ ♪
- Hey, sweety.
I got you the biggest
baked potato I could--
Mark!
- They're back.
- I've only been gone
for an hour.
How could--
Aah!
How could this happen?
- You tell me.
It's your follicular stimulant.
- Yeah, but I never knew
it would regenerate hair
this aggressively.
Oh, we're freaks.
- Yeah.
Can I have my potato?
- Oh.
[music]
- ♪ Grab your things,
get in the car ♪
♪ ♪
♪ We'll watch the sun
turn into stars ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Spread your arms
in groovy air ♪
♪ It's a perfect day ♪
♪ There's no one
bossin' you around ♪
♪ ♪
♪ So just get lost
until you're found ♪
[music stops]
♪ ♪
♪ Spread your arms
in groovy air ♪
♪ It's a perfect day ♪
- [sobbing]
♪ ♪
- They are fantastique.
- Oh, yes!
♪ ♪
- That's my grandma's
barbecue sauce!
- No talking
while Pierre's chewing!
[music]
- He stopped chewing.
- Well, what do you think,
Mr. Le Mange?
- Your ribs are excellent.
- But not better than 9.6,
right?
- Well...
[sirens wailing]
- Why are the police here?
- Jambon!
- There he is!
[blowing whistle]
- He's running!
Get him!
Don't let him get away!
- Cuff him, fellas.
- What was that about?
- You're under arrest.
Come on.
Let's go.
- Why is Pierre Le Mange
under arrest?
- This guy
is not Pierre Le Mange.
- What?
- He's an impostor.
He goes around the country
pretending he's Mr. Le Mange
so he can get free stuff
and special VIP treatment.
- No way.
- For real?
- Yeah.
We've been chasing this guy
ever since
the Burbank tamale festival.
- Oh, my god.
- Burbank has
a tamale festival?
- Put him in the car.
[police radio chatter]
- Wait! Wait for Coco!
- [on speaker] Step away
from the car!
- [American accent] Uh, you
have sauce all over your face.
[siren wailing]
- Great.
This whole rib cook-off
was for nothing.
- No, it wasn't.
- Yeah.
We had some fun, had some ribs,
got to see some cops
tackle some fake dude.
- Yeah.
Right before he picked
our ribs as number one.
- Your ribs don't even come
close to our ribs.
- You don't know about my ribs!
- I know about your ribs!
- My grandma made my ribs!
- All right!
[both shouting]
All right!
All right!
We're all sick and tired
of you two screaming
at each other.
- So from now on,
no more arguing.
- Seriously.
- They're right, you know.
- Yeah.
- So, uh, let's just--
- Oh.
- Beautiful.
- How sweet.
- All right,
everybody grab some ribs.
You guys crank up the music,
and let's get this dance goin'.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- ♪ Looking for you,
looking for me ♪
♪ Looking for somewhere else
to be ♪
♪ Life is better
when you're around ♪
♪ Just take me
out of this town ♪
♪ Small minds
can bring you down ♪
♪ Everything's better
when you're around ♪
♪ Put me in the spotlight ♪
♪ ♪
- I understand.
Thanks, Professor.
[music plays in distance]
- Well?
- He said, um,
based on the chemicals
and compounds that I used,
he thinks
the hair accelerator effect
should wear off
in three to four weeks.
- Great.
We gotta hide for a month.
[distant music continues]
[whooping, laughter,
music thumping]
- [sigh]
You know,
this is what's wrong
with being a teenager.
We're all so worried about what
everybody else thinks.
So what if you have
giant shrubberies for eyebrows?
Who cares what people think?
- You're saying I should
go out there like this?
- Why not?
- Okay.
And you're gonna go out
with that wad of fur
under your arm?
- ♪ Dim all the spotlights,
la da da dum ♪
♪ It's been
a permanent midnight ♪
♪ Permanent midnight ♪
♪ Permanent midnight ♪
- Why does Quinn even date him?
♪ ♪
- Oh, my grandma's sauce
is amazing.
- I know, dude.
- Your rib rub
is pretty good, too.
- I know, I--
- Hey, either of you guys
want to dance?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
[both shouting]
- Stop talkin' about my nana!
- I wasn't talkin' about
your grandma!
- Oh! Ow! No, you're not!
Not one more time!
Don't ever talk
about my grandma!
- Ow!
WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪
♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪
♪ And do what you
choose to do ♪
♪ Don't walk away ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ If you want to play ♪
♪ Come and play today ♪
♪ Let's just get away ♪
[bell dings]
MAN: Mmm!
LOGAN: The magic of pork.
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪
♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪
♪ Do I look good today? ♪
♪ Today, today ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪
♪ And you want
to see my world ♪
♪ So come and run away ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ If you wanna play ♪
♪ Come and play today ♪
♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪
♪ I will make you see ♪
♪ All of the things ♪
♪ That you can be ♪
♪ Believe in yourself ♪
♪ Come follow me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[pop music]
[honks horn]
- Oh, come on.
- You come on.
- Like you've ever been
stranded on a deserted island.
- Neither have you.
- Uh, well, if I was
and I could only have one thing,
I would way rather have
a pair of socks than a knife.
- Why?
- One, socks will keep
your feet warm
so you don't freeze to death,
two, you can stick
your hand up a sock
and use it as a puppet
to keep yourself company,
and, three,
you drop a rock in a sock,
and, bam, you got yourself
a swingable w*apon.
- How is a rock in a sock
a w*apon?
- Why don't you close your eyes
and I'll show you?
- I don't want to close my eyes
and you show me!
- Why do you always talk?
No, you are not!
- No. I'm not gonna close
my eyes, and you'll show me!
- But you always talk.
- I know I'm always gonna talk.
- Just listen.
- Why do I have to shut up?
- One, two...
- Stop it!
- Can't we live in a world
where socks and knives
coexist peacefully?
- Hey, Zoey,
there's a delivery guy out there
looking for you.
- Wait!
Tell him that a rock in a sock
is not a w*apon.
- You don't make any sense.
- I'm handsome!
I don't have to make sense,
you know that?
- Let's stop talkin', okay?
I'm always right!
- No, you're not!
- Or a w*apon.
- It doesn't matter.
- Hi. You lookin' for me,
Zoey Brooks?
- Yeah. Sign here.
- What am I signing for?
- Ribs.
- Ribs?
- Who sent me ribs?
- Here.
- Would you--
- Sure.
Oh, my god.
- What?
- Your great Uncle Morris
passed away.
- I have a great Uncle Morris?
- Well, had.
- Aw.
- And he left you some ribs.
That's sweet and...
kind of weird.
- Yeah, this is a lot of ribs.
- Uh, you got more than that.
[light music]
- Okay. Write down three drops
of ammonium paraphite.
- What's the point
of making a liquid candle?
- An everlasting liquid candle.
You never have to relight it.
- I wish I was everlasting.
- All right.
Here, you light the candle.
- Okay.
- And I'll videotape the moment
for posterity.
And...go.
Aah!
[fire alarm whooping]
Oh!
[squealing/talking shrilly]
- What?
- Your eyebrows blew off.
- [whimpering]
[music]
♪ ♪
- All right.
You can keep your ribs in there
until Sunday.
- Thank you so much.
- But then
I need the space back.
I got a big shipment
of tater pops
coming in Monday morning.
- Oh, I love tater pops!
They're like French fries
in ball form.
- You're in ball form.
- Look, why do you have to say
the most ridiculous--
[both shouting]
- Hey, hey!
- Cool it!
- Hey, enough!
Okay. I did not suffer
through two years
of cafeteria college for this.
- You see what you do?
You guys upset a lunch lady.
- There's no such thing
as cafeteria college.
- Just stop fighting
for two seconds
and help Zoey figure out
how she's gonna eat
a thousand pounds of ribs
before Monday.
- What do you guys think
about a rib cook-off?
- What do you mean,
like a contest?
- Yeah. Kids form teams,
everybody sets up a booth,
best ribs win.
- I think people
will be into it.
- Probably.
- And the four of us
could be a team.
- I'm in. Cool!
- My dad's got an awesome
baby back rib recipe.
- Ooh, that works,
'cause my grandma makes
this homemade barbeque sauce,
you'd cry it's so good.
- Sweet!
- Yeah.
- Oh, you see?
Now, that's nice.
- What do you mean?
- What's nice?
- Seein' you guys cooperate
and not fight for once.
- Well, ribs do bring people
together.
- The magic of pork.
- [laughs] Amen!
- Amen.
- Amen.
- Yeah.
[music]
- Ow. Ow. Ow!
- Do you want eyebrows or not?
- Yes, please.
- Then hold still
and stop being a baby.
There.
- Dear god.
- Those were the only
fake eyebrows they had
in the drama department.
- I cannot walk around PCA
with two red gerbils
on my face.
- Hey, guys.
Oh, my god!
Mark, you look ridiculous!
- See?
- Would you rather have
no eyebrows at all?
- By tomorrow morning,
he'll have
his own eyebrows back.
- You found them?
- No. I made this.
It's a follicular stimulant.
- A follicu...huh?
- It accelerates hair growth.
You just dab a little
on whatever skin
you wish to become hairy,
and within hours, hair.
- And it works?
- You tell me.
- Oh!
- Oh, my--
- Your pit's all furry.
- Well, I had to test it out,
so last night
I put some of this under my arm,
and now, tuft.
- Oh!
- Stop showing us.
- Well, calm down.
I'll shave it off
before I go to bed tonight.
Now, get those caterpillars
off Mark's face.
- Okay.
- Uh, wait.
Is this gonna hurt?
'Cause I have
a low threshold of...
[ripping]
[screaming] pain!
[echoing]
Pain.
[music]
- Hey, want to play some pool?
Your loss.
- Coco.
- Hey, Coco.
- What?
- Look.
Dean Rivers just signed this.
- Am I fired?
- No.
- It just says we're allowed
to have a rib cook-off
this Saturday in the quad.
- If we get an adult
to supervise.
- Ribs? Can I be the judge?
- Well, yeah,
we were just gonna ask--
- I want to be the judge!
- Okay!
- You can be the judge.
- Yes!
Ha ha!
- Lola, come on, come on.
Let's go.
- I'm comin'.
- Where are you guys going?
- To grab some breakfast
before class.
Want to come?
- Yeah.
Let me just throw on
some clothes.
- Aah! Aah!
- What? What do you--
Aah!
What happened?
- I thought you shaved it off
last night.
- I did.
It must've grown back overnight
while I was...
Mark.
- Aaah!
[music]
[horns honk]
- You know, I like ribs,
but I feel bad
for the poor pigs.
- Oh, they don't have
to hurt the pigs anymore
to get the ribs.
- That's not true.
- Shh!
Now, you just lay the ribs
down there.
- Okay.
- And I'll apply
the Reese family's
world-famous rib rub.
- World famous?
- Yes. World famous.
- So if I'm walkin' down
the street in Bangladesh
and I turn to some Bangladonian
and say,
"Hey, you heard about
the Reese family's rib rub?"
he's gonna say,
[East Indian accent]
"Oh. Well, of course.
That is a world-famous rib rub.
World famous."
- I have to put up with this?
- Just rub the ribs.
- Okay. Step one.
You sprinkle it
all over both sides of the slab
like this,
then just rub it in
really good like this.
And...there.
- Nice.
- Okay.
Now what about the sauce?
- Ha! All right.
Now, we're just gonna take
a little of the sauce
with this brush, you see?
Then we're just gonna spread it
evenly across the slab.
- That's too much.
- Excuse me.
- You just put a little sauce on
before you cook 'em,
and then when they're almost
done, you put more on.
- You're a moron.
- Just tryin' to help.
- I'm doin' it
the way my grandma does it.
- Well, your grandma's wrong.
- Did I tell you
how to rub the ribs?
- No, 'cause I did it right.
- Come on, boys, play nice.
- No, no, no, no. It's cool.
Ha. Ha ha.
He did do it right.
Ha ha.
In fact, let me see if I have
the rib-rubbing technique down.
First, you get some rub,
then you apply it to the ribs.
That's right,
all in the rib cage area.
All in there, like that.
[laughs]
- Okay, maybe this would be
a good time
to take a little break.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Let me see if I understand
how to apply the sauce.
- The sauce?
That how your grandma does it?
- Ha ha. Yeah.
Let me show you
how she takes out the trash.
- Oh! Oh!
[shouting]
- One more time!
My grandma does so--
- Get off of him!
Guys, break it up! Stop!
- Don't talk about my grandma!
- Break! Break!
Okay. Okay. Okay.
- All right, since you two
can't act like grown-ups...
- We're gonna form
two separate teams.
- Michael, you're with me.
- Good!
- Sadly, I got you.
- Good.
Our ribs are gonna make
your ribs taste like...
bad ribs.
- Well, we'll settle this
on the grill.
- Quinn!
[students hooting and talking]
Quinn?
Quinn!
[music]
- Wait.
I thought you guys
and Michael and Logan
were all
on the same rib team.
What happened?
- Well, there was a rubbing.
- There was a saucing.
- Some grandma-bashing.
- And now I'm cooking ribs
with Michael.
- And I'll be ribbin' it up
with Logan.
- Zoey. Zoey!
- Oh, hey, Dean Rivers.
- What's up, Dean-o?
- Too casual.
- Dean Rivers, how are you?
- Very excited.
Guess who's right outside
the building.
- Who?
- Pierre Le Mange.
- From the food channel?
- No way!
- He's like the most famous
chef in the world.
- What's he doing here?
- He wants to judge
your rib cook-off.
- What?
- How did he even know about--
- I was at the gas station,
he pulls up next to me.
I say, "Aren't you
Pierre Le Mange?"
and he says, "Oui, oui."
- Really?
- Yeah.
So we start talking,
I mention the rib cook-off,
and he just offered
to be the judge.
- That's so cool.
- That's the best.
- That's awesome.
- You want to meet him?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
- Totally.
- Wait here.
- You got a celebrity judge.
- Yeah,
and who's gonna tell Coco?
- Who's gonna tell me what?
- Uh, Coco.
Um...
Zoey, why don't you tell Coco
the exciting news?
- Thanks, Chase.
Um...
on a scale of one to 10,
how mad would you be
if you didn't judge
the rib cook-off?
- [shrieks]
What?!
- Students, Pierre Le Mange.
- I can't stand it
when I'm promised something
and then--oh, my god,
you're Pierre Le Mange!
[giggling]
- Bonjour, mademoiselle.
Mes amis.
- I watch you on TV
all the time.
I made
your butternut squash fries.
- And were they delicious?
- Yeah!
- I knew your answer
before you responded.
- I'm Coco.
- Coco, named after my favorite
warm, chocolatey beverage
with the small marshmallows
that float upon the surface.
- [giggling]
- See, we were hoping
you'd be okay if Mr. Le Mange
judged the rib cook-off
and, uh...
- You were the assistant judge.
- Okay!
- Ah, you are a food expert?
- Oh, you bet your sweet bippy.
- I find you all delightful,
and I look forward
to tasting your ribs.
- I am in love with that man.
- Hey, Coco.
you dropped your pillowcase.
- That is my underwear!
- Well, I'm gonna go
boil my hand.
[music]
♪ ♪
- Look at this.
- Look at this!
- Well, what are we
supposed to do?
[music]
♪ ♪
[razors buzzing]
- This is one of
our brand-new dormitories.
Notice the extra wide hallways?
- Fantastique.
I have never seen
a school hallway so wide.
[cell phone ringing]
- Excuse me.
I should take this.
Just give me one second.
- But of course.
- Rivers here.
Sure, what time?
- Hey, Mr. Le Mange.
- Oui?
- I, uh...I hear
you're judging
the rib cook-off.
- Indeed, this is true.
Are you one of
the students competing?
- Yeah, me and my friend--
a tall, skinny kid, weird hair.
- Ah, it is nice to see
a young person
so interested in cooking.
- Interested in winning.
Oh, hey. What's this?
I think you dropped some cash.
- But I don't think--
- Take it.
- Oh.
- And, uh, when you're judgin',
just remember, Logan Reese,
the guy who found your $300.
[razors buzzing]
- There. I'm all fixed.
- Well, I'm not.
I have no eyebrows.
I look like a freak.
- No, you just look more...
aerodynamic.
Now, come on.
Let's go meet Zoey and Lola
for dinner.
- I'm not going out in public
like this.
- [sigh] All right.
I'll bring you something back.
- Thanks.
Can I get a plain potato
and a napkin?
- Sure. No butter, sour cream?
Plain potato and a napkin.
- Oh...
[cracking sound]
Oh! This is helping my back
more than you can understand.
- Oh, that's good to hear.
You just relax and enjoy.
- Very well,
but you must let me pay you
for this massage.
- Now, now,
you just remember me,
Michael Barret,
when you're judging
that rib cook-off.
- Oh. How can I forget?
You have hands
like a lumberjack.
- Oh! You flatter me.
Look out!
Here comes the chop-a-matic.
- Ohhh!
Ohhh! Ohhh!
- Ha ha. You like that.
I know.
[music]
♪ ♪
- Hey, sweety.
I got you the biggest
baked potato I could--
Mark!
- They're back.
- I've only been gone
for an hour.
How could--
Aah!
How could this happen?
- You tell me.
It's your follicular stimulant.
- Yeah, but I never knew
it would regenerate hair
this aggressively.
Oh, we're freaks.
- Yeah.
Can I have my potato?
- Oh.
[music]
- ♪ Grab your things,
get in the car ♪
♪ ♪
♪ We'll watch the sun
turn into stars ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Spread your arms
in groovy air ♪
♪ It's a perfect day ♪
♪ There's no one
bossin' you around ♪
♪ ♪
♪ So just get lost
until you're found ♪
[music stops]
♪ ♪
♪ Spread your arms
in groovy air ♪
♪ It's a perfect day ♪
- [sobbing]
♪ ♪
- They are fantastique.
- Oh, yes!
♪ ♪
- That's my grandma's
barbecue sauce!
- No talking
while Pierre's chewing!
[music]
- He stopped chewing.
- Well, what do you think,
Mr. Le Mange?
- Your ribs are excellent.
- But not better than 9.6,
right?
- Well...
[sirens wailing]
- Why are the police here?
- Jambon!
- There he is!
[blowing whistle]
- He's running!
Get him!
Don't let him get away!
- Cuff him, fellas.
- What was that about?
- You're under arrest.
Come on.
Let's go.
- Why is Pierre Le Mange
under arrest?
- This guy
is not Pierre Le Mange.
- What?
- He's an impostor.
He goes around the country
pretending he's Mr. Le Mange
so he can get free stuff
and special VIP treatment.
- No way.
- For real?
- Yeah.
We've been chasing this guy
ever since
the Burbank tamale festival.
- Oh, my god.
- Burbank has
a tamale festival?
- Put him in the car.
[police radio chatter]
- Wait! Wait for Coco!
- [on speaker] Step away
from the car!
- [American accent] Uh, you
have sauce all over your face.
[siren wailing]
- Great.
This whole rib cook-off
was for nothing.
- No, it wasn't.
- Yeah.
We had some fun, had some ribs,
got to see some cops
tackle some fake dude.
- Yeah.
Right before he picked
our ribs as number one.
- Your ribs don't even come
close to our ribs.
- You don't know about my ribs!
- I know about your ribs!
- My grandma made my ribs!
- All right!
[both shouting]
All right!
All right!
We're all sick and tired
of you two screaming
at each other.
- So from now on,
no more arguing.
- Seriously.
- They're right, you know.
- Yeah.
- So, uh, let's just--
- Oh.
- Beautiful.
- How sweet.
- All right,
everybody grab some ribs.
You guys crank up the music,
and let's get this dance goin'.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- ♪ Looking for you,
looking for me ♪
♪ Looking for somewhere else
to be ♪
♪ Life is better
when you're around ♪
♪ Just take me
out of this town ♪
♪ Small minds
can bring you down ♪
♪ Everything's better
when you're around ♪
♪ Put me in the spotlight ♪
♪ ♪
- I understand.
Thanks, Professor.
[music plays in distance]
- Well?
- He said, um,
based on the chemicals
and compounds that I used,
he thinks
the hair accelerator effect
should wear off
in three to four weeks.
- Great.
We gotta hide for a month.
[distant music continues]
[whooping, laughter,
music thumping]
- [sigh]
You know,
this is what's wrong
with being a teenager.
We're all so worried about what
everybody else thinks.
So what if you have
giant shrubberies for eyebrows?
Who cares what people think?
- You're saying I should
go out there like this?
- Why not?
- Okay.
And you're gonna go out
with that wad of fur
under your arm?
- ♪ Dim all the spotlights,
la da da dum ♪
♪ It's been
a permanent midnight ♪
♪ Permanent midnight ♪
♪ Permanent midnight ♪
- Why does Quinn even date him?
♪ ♪
- Oh, my grandma's sauce
is amazing.
- I know, dude.
- Your rib rub
is pretty good, too.
- I know, I--
- Hey, either of you guys
want to dance?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
[both shouting]
- Stop talkin' about my nana!
- I wasn't talkin' about
your grandma!
- Oh! Ow! No, you're not!
Not one more time!
Don't ever talk
about my grandma!
- Ow!
WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪
♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪
♪ And do what you
choose to do ♪
♪ Don't walk away ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ If you want to play ♪
♪ Come and play today ♪
♪ Let's just get away ♪
[bell dings]
MAN: Mmm!
LOGAN: The magic of pork.