01x22 - Drac to the Future

[bunniefuu]

[ghostly vocalizing]

[rap b*at playing]

[hard rock playing]

[screaming]

Yes, load it up!

Fire!

[all exclaiming]

[Hank] "The Monstroso Serioso

is a living,

self-updating record

of all of monster history,

from the dawn of time

'til now."

And now.

And now...

[hisses]

I can't believe Aunt Lydia

trusts me enough

to guard the Monstroso Serioso

while everyone's watching the

anniver-scary fireworks show.

Is it really trust, though?

I mean, the snake

won't let us get near it.

Ten to one she's keeping you

inside so you can't

wreck the fireworks.

Hey! That's probably true.

[sighs] It doesn't matter

why we get to be alone

with the Monstroso,

just that we do.

Look at it.

It's pulsing with romance.

And prehistoric monsters,

up top!

[growling]

It's the coolest book ever.

My favorite part is--

[all] The Vampire versus

Human Battle for Peace.

It's a scary story

with a feel-bad ending,

it happened right here

in your home,

and the heroes

are vampires.

You're right,

the Battle's the best.

I just wish we knew

more about it.

The book just says

two humans and two vamps fought

in a test

of stamina and focus.

Vamps won, peace ruled.

Boom drac-alacka.

Welcome back

to K.H.U.M.A.N. Radio,

where we're interviewing

the infamous author,

Kitty Cartwright.

Kitty, you've written

so many books about monsters.

Our listeners

are dying to know,

do you ever worry about

sounding, well, how can I

put this, nutty?

[scoffs] Never!

I'm a truth teller.

I should be celebrated

for trying to save humankind.

The world's monster problem

is out of contr--

-[rumbling]

-[screams]

Will you be quiet!

Okay.

Sorry, my neighbors

are the worst.

Trust me, I'm the most rational

person you will ever--

[grunts angrily]

Right.

Thanks for talking to us.

It's been a real eye-opener,

really has.

Hello? Hello?

[grunts]

Trying to promote a book here!

Donald! We're going to be late!

-[toilet flushes]

-[Donald] Ready in a jiff!

Tennis anyone? [chuckles]

Sorry.

How'd the interview go?

Terrible,

thanks to that cannon.

Ah. It'll be nice for you

to get away from the noise

for a while, Kitty cakes.

[thudding]

-[tires screeching]

-[both exclaiming]

[Kitty screams]

[engine pops]

I want to see the manager!

[screams] Human!

What is she doing here?

[whimpers] I'll get rid of her.

She'll ruin the whole

anniver-scary vibe.

Hi, I'm the manager, sorta.

Huh. Feels good to say.

Can I help you somehow?

And quickly?

Stop f*ring

that infernal cannon!

Oh, sorry, can't!

We're celebrating the most

cherished book of monster

history ever written.

The Monstroso Serioso!

Terrible title.

Still, kind of a big deal.

-[growls]

-[hisses]

You're not the only one

promoting a book.

My latest is a big deal, too!

"The Awful History of

Monsters Volume 3"?

It documents

all the worst things monsters

have ever done to humans.

Cute.

But the truth

is in the Monstroso.

You can't rewrite history.

[chuckles] Is that a dare?

[ringtone plays]

[hisses]

[all gasp]

[Hank] Mavis!

[Donald on cell phone] Kitty?

Kitty!

Can I change

the radio station, please?

[Kitty on voicemail]

You've reached the voicemail

of the Kitty Cartwright.

-Lucky you!

-[dial tone]

[sighs] I'll just wait.

Excuse me, how long

do your celebrations last?

Uh... A week, maybe two?

Two weeks? I've got

three more interviews tomorrow!

-That's great. Okay, bye-bye!

-[screams]

[grunts] All right, that's it.

I'm calling the police!

Unless...

-[Hank] Hello, hi!

-[screams]

[all yelling]

[Mavis] Hey, you!

Come back here!

[Mavis grunts]

[all groaning]

This is how you

rewrite history. [chuckles]

Ha! Kitty, you slay!

What?

[groaning continues]

Oh, yeah?

Fine. [grunting]

Come on. [grunts]

Somebody help us!

-[Kitty screaming]

-[all gasp]

[belches]

Do you have any idea

what this means?

-Nope.

-Not really.

Is it robots?

Okay, I don't know either,

but it can't be good.

Although, how much trouble

can she really cause?

-[bat squeaking]

-Uh-oh.

Mavis, is everything okay

at the hotel with the book?

Strange things are

happening here at the council.

Nobody has

sharp fangs anymore!

See?

[gasps] Whoa.

I can see my reflection!

I look good.

Wait. How can I see myself?

[Hank] That is not normal.

Let's check the book!

It says, "Whomever attempts

to rewrite these pages

will unleash

an unspeakable doom!"

[all scream]

This book is the glue

that holds

our Underworld together!

[gulps]

My fangs are dull

and I can see myself.

Could Mrs. Cartwright actually

be in there, rewriting history?

Is she getting rid of vampires?

I have to fix this!

Heh! What're you gonna do,

climb into the book

and go after her?

[gasps] I was joking!

I have to get her out of there.

Who's with me?

[all] Uh...

We'll guard the book!

Ooh! Nice thinking, Wendy.

Here, hold onto this so you can

find your way back out.

[gasps] Wish me luck!

[all gasp]

[Mavis yells]

[grunting]

Get my robe!

[Mavis yelling]

[grunts]

Okay.

That idea

didn't last five seconds.

[all screaming]

No.

It couldn't be. Is that...

-Dad?

-[gasps]

Yeah, no "dads" here.

I'm the Immortal Dracula,

Drac, for short. And you?

Seriously? It's me, Mavis.

Your daughter.

[chuckles] I definitely

don't have a daughter,

but welcome to my

new hotel, Mabel!

Not Mabel, Mavis!

Wait, new hotel?

What year is this?



I've gone back in time?

Wait, the hotel didn't open

until after I was born.

So Kitty must've altered

the entire monster timeline?

Do you want some privacy?

I've got so much to tell you,

Dad... Uh, Drac.

Boy, is that weird to say.

Sorry, no time for chit chat.

You've come here

in your strange clothes

at the worst time.

We've been invaded

by a fearsome beast!

One, my clothes

are so not strange.

And two, if you're afraid,

the beast must be scary.

So, what's the plan?

I was thinking, wait a bit

and hope it works itself out?

Wow, I never thought

I'd hear my dad say that.

I'm not your dad!

I don't know who he is!

Why don't you go find him

and just leave me be, please!

But this is your hotel!

You have a duty

to protect the monsters in it.

I know, don't remind me!

Wow.

Okay, where is the beast?

[whimpering]

No way.

[cackling]

[all screaming]

Beware my magic light wand!

-[humming]

-[cat meowing and

horse neighing on phone]

-[music playing]

-[all exclaim]

[fart sound]

Ignore the last one.

She has power

beyond comprehension!

She's no beast.

And it's just a phone.

You know, a telephone?

Te-fa-lone?

You guys don't have phones yet.

Bow down before Queen Kitty!

Trust me,

that woman is no queen.

I said bow down!

[baby giggling over cell phone]

Ha! I can't believe

that app finally worked!

All hail Kitty,

Queen of the Underworld!

Hmm!

Get up, Dad... Uh, Drac.

Ugh. You again!

Clovis? She knows you?

It's Mavis.

And, yeah, we're kind of

neighbors in a way.

Not for long.

I'm going to rid the world

of monsters,

starting right here

in this flea-bitten hotel!

Thanks for noticing.

Our fleas are a point of pride.

True, but you can't

get rid of monsters.

It's impossible!

[ringtone playing]

[Dracula grunts]

Oh, dear, I'm going

to miss my tennis match.

But it's worth it

to make the future monster-free

for me and my little girl.

Oh, and Donald, I guess.

Capture them or feel my wrath!

Don't worry, we'll bat

out of here in no time!

Uh-oh.

Or not!

[grunts] I turn my back

on her for a second

and now monsters are

gonna be wiped from history?

Wait, you did this?

[gulps] And now it's worse.

Of course it's your fault!

Look at you!

Why did I listen to a stranger

dressed like a circus tent?

I'm no stranger.

I'm your daughter!

Or I will be, eventually.

I hope.

Okay, that's where

you're wrong.

My child would never

mess up this badly.

You'd be surprised.

[sighs] Of all the days

to be imprisoned.

My horror-scope said

I'd engage

in some kind of cool

"battle for the ages" today.

I was looking forward to it.

[gasps] It's 1898.

When the vamps and humans

battle for peace.

Wait! You're one

of the vampires?

Maybe.

Too bad I'm locked up!

Huh. Tell me about it.

[all gasp]

[gasps] Pedro,

quit pawing the book!

Ah, I'm sick of this page.

It just keeps

re-writing itself.

I want to find something fresh.

[Wendy] Seriously, Pedro!

[both grunt]

[Pedro screams]

Pedro!

-I know, big guy.

-[sobs]

I'm worried about him, too.

He has my favorite watch.

[Pedro screams]

Oh, man.

What page did I land on?

Really hope this isn't the page

with the big space meatball

that wipes everybody out,

'cause that'd...

-[growls]

-Aah!

Uncle Lance?

[laughs]

Wha... Come on!

Gimme the family handshake!

-[grunting]

-[Pedro laughs]

[Dracula sighs]

There must be another way out.

You gonna help?

There's no point.

It's impossible.

Nothing's impossible

when you're a Dracula.

That is a great line.

Who told you that?

Uh, you did, Dad.

Nice, but I'm not your dad!

You're not acting like him,

that's for sure.

Come on!

[mocks Mavis]

"You're not acting like him,

that's for sure."

I do not sound like that!

[grunts]

I hope he's okay.

I really miss him.

-Pedro?

-[chuckles]

No, my watch, he's a him.

[Donald] Kitty, hon?

You didn't happen to fall

into a space and time wormhole,

did you?

[Wendy] Don't move.

[laughs]

I cr*ck me up!

-[metal rattling]

-[shrieks]

What the...

[screams]

[belches]

Did you see that?

Of course I saw that!

What do we do?

Stay like this 'til everything

goes back to normal.

Uh-huh.

[Mavis]

And this is the kitchen.

How do you know

this place so well?

I grew up here.

Or I'm supposed to,

unless Kitty messes with it.

[rumbling]

[Kitty] Again!

This hotel is going down.

Kind of think

we should move now.

[yelps] Or not.

[Mavis gasps]

[Kitty laughs]

[both] Holy rabies!

We have to stop her!

You can't! It's too dangerous!

What?

Why do you suddenly care?

Because you're my daughter.

Eventually.

Although, how you got here,

I have no idea.

You know the hotel

better than I do.

And I came up with that cool

"holy rabies" saying

this morning.

Total no-brainer!

"No-brainer,"

is that a zombie thing?

[giggles] I'll explain later.

First, we have to stop this.

[baby giggling over cell phone]

Monsters!

We can't let her do this!

She's trying

to rewrite history!

I'm not rewriting it.

I'm erasing it!

You can take yourself

apart now.

[continues giggling]

We're monsters, not cowards!

Are we really gonna let

one annoying human

with a dumb cell phone

destroy everything?

-[Kitty grunts]

-[giggling continues]

[all whimper]

[laughs]

Too bad, so sad.

Hey!

This is for monsters past,

present, and future!

[Kitty in sing-song voice]

Never leave home

without a backup!

[ringing]

[all gasp, whimper]

And now, I'm gonna

demolish the rest of

this horrific hotel,

and all you monsters with it!

I can see myself!

And I look good.

We still have to fix

the mess Kitty made.

History needs to play out

the way it's meant to,

with a four player test

of stamina and focus.

The Vampire

versus Human Battle for Peace.

My horror-scope did also say

I would learn a new game today.

It's hopeless.

The battle is two vamps

against two humans.

[Dracula] Well,

we're two vamps, aren't we?

I'm vamp number two?

This is huge!

Wait, who's the other human?

-[Donald whimpers]

-[gasps]

Kitty-bootle!

-Oh, there you are!

-Donald?

Okay, seriously,

how do you know

all these people?

A test of stamina and focus...

New game...

How many rackets

are in that bag?

Four, why?

[gasps] Do you play?

I challenge you

to a doubles game of tennis.

What's in it for me?

Um...

Winner gets the hotel?

You b*at us

and we'll fly away forever!

-Wait, what?

-Deal.

It's your funeral!

We got this.

You know how

to play tennis, right?

We're history!

[giggling]

All I'm saying

is a roadkill burger

will legit

change your life, dog.

[chuckles] For real.

Tennis anyone?

Welcome to the match

of the century!

Where the very existence

of monsters

rests in the claws

of our very own Count Dracula

and some

weirdly-dressed stranger.

I'm no

weirdly-dressed stranger!

I'm your niece!

Nice try, stranger!

I don't know any geese!

And here come the humans!

[monsters booing]

-[cell phone rings]

-[monsters gasp]

So hit it over the net,

and don't let it bounce twice

on our side?

You've got this.

Red blood, black hearts,

can't lose!

Spoken like a true Dracula.

I'm in!

I'm out!

Game on!

Ow!

Oh, you're pretty good

at this game, Skip!

Humans lead!

Ow!

And we're tied.

-High-five!

-[monsters cheering]

Uh... Hello five to you, too.

Ow!

Uh, yeah, I can't do this.

Yes, you can!

In the future,

you're the greatest vamp ever!

And if we don't win this,

there's no future for any of us

and you won't be my dad!

[hisses]

[yells]

Oh, boy.

-This is no time for

the downward Donald, Donald!

-[monsters cheering]

-[Kitty grunts]

-[yelps]

[gasps]

[both grunt]

This is it, Skip!

The end of monsters!

[groaning]

[slow-motion] Mavis!

The Vampires win!

[yells]

[all cheering]

Yes!

The future of monsters

is saved!

Which, I guess, means

I owe you five clams, Skip.

[Donald] Oh, no, is that

the wormhole thing again?

Wait, how do we know

it's safe?

Now you sound like my dad.

I wish I could stay,

but I really gotta go!

Take care, Mavy Wavy!

Hey, that's, uh,

that's kind of catchy.

[screaming]

[belches]

Where did the time go?

Why am I using

my backup phone,

and why are we

in this horrible place?

Okay, come on, sweetie,

let's go home.

[gasps]

Yes!

I did it!

History is saved!

Sure, I put it in jeopardy

in the first place,

but it's saved!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

So, you think

it's safe to move again?

Another couple of hours

and we'll know for sure.

Smart.

I was so wrong.

This is not awesome!

[Pedro screaming]

[music playing]

[vocalizing]