01x01 - Enter the Nosepicker/Hide & Shriek

[bunniefuu]

[GHOSTLY VOCALIZING]

♪

[RAP b*at PLAYING]

♪

[HARD ROCK PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

♪

♪

[WOLF HOWLING]

♪ Now that Dracula's
gone away

♪ Mavis thought
this was her day

This could have
been her day, man!

[TRUMPET PLAYING]

♪ But instead of living large

♪ And finally
being in charge

♪ La la lay, la la lay
la laaaaaa

♪ Her father,
summoned-his-sister

♪ The-evil-and-the-sinister

♪ La la lay,
la la lay, la laaaaaa

Lydia, the Dark Baroness.

[CLUCKING MUSICALLY]

♪ And that
is where we begin ♪

[BARKING AND CHEERING]

[SCREAMING]

Wendy, how did you get stuck
in a ketchup bottle?

[VOICE ECHOING]
I can't help myself.

The crusty bits at
the bottom are the best part.

[VOCALIZING
FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM]

[SCREAMING]

[GROWLING]

QUASIMODO:
Stay out of my kitchen!
MAVIS: Sorry! Sorry!

[SCREAMING]

Whoa!

Hey, Mavis!

Did you hear that
Gretchen Squib
from Scream-cation

is comin' to review
the hotel today?

Today?
[SCREAMING]

One bad review
and she can sink a hotel!

[SCREAMING]

Aunt Lydia demanded I...

[IMPERSONATING LYDIA]
"...maintain order..."
so nothing goes wrong,

which really
just means "do nothing."

But you're not gonna do that?

Of course not.

I'll fix up the hotel myself,
nail the review,

land us a five-skull rating,
and score all the credit!

Boom drac-alacka!

Not that I don't totally
believe in you, Mavis,
because I do,

but this just sounds
like the kind of thing

that always blows up
right in your face.

Oh, come on,
how's this gonna...

[BARKING]

[SCREAMING]

[BARKING]

Totally gonna
blow up in her face.

[BARKING]

[BARKING MEEKLY]

Huh, you were right, Pedro.

There is a kazoo wedged
inside your brain.

Told ya.

[BARKING]
[SCREAMING]

Hey, girls.
Hey, Hank and Pedro!

[COUGHING]
Where do you think
you're going?

[LAUGHING AND KAZOO SOUNDING]

Wait a sec, where's Winnie?

Careful with that statue!

Oh, so terrifyingly beautiful.

[BARKING]
[CLUCKING]

[BARKING]
[SCREAMING]

[GROWLING]

[BARKING]

[BARKING]
[SCREAMING]

[ROARING]

[GRUNTING]

LYDIA: Ahem, ahem.

Aunt Lydia! Hi!

I was just...
getting us ready
for the review.

You know, with my Dad away
at the vampire council,

I'm, like,
basically in charge.

Except you are not
in charge. I am.

That's why I said,
"like, basically?"

Anyway,
I'm maintaining order. Look!

I found all but one wolf pup,

and when you think
about how many there are,

that's really pretty good.

Young lady,
Hotel Transylvania

has had a sterling reputation
for a thousand years.

Loose wolf pups upset order.

Secrets upset order.

Teenage vampires upset order!

Just a quick question...
Doesn't freezing people
upset order?

You will maintain order,

or it is puppy duty for you.

No! No!
Not "Catch the Boulder!"

Great, just so I'm clear,
finding the lost pup
would count

as a first step
in maintaining order?

[CLUCKING]

[STAFF SLAMMING]

I'll take that as a yes.

[CHITTERING]

So, again, why are you wasting
perfectly good cake?

I'm not wasting it,
Hank, I'm using it.

I don't have time
to hunt for the wolf pup,

so I'm bringing
the wolf pup to me.

With ground cake?

Devil's food cake
to be precise.

[IN DEEP TERRIFYING VOICE]
I'm delicious.

What he said.

Know who else loves cake?
Who?

[GIGGLING]
PEDRO: Humans.

[SCREAMING]

Oh, no!

PEDRO: Yep, you've got
the Nosepicker

from that human
tribe across the way.

Honey, have you
seen the baby?

The Nosepicker.

You know, I always thought
she was just a myth,

like sweet potatoes
or unicorns.

Who you callin'
a myth, girl?

MAVIS: Holy rabies!
She went in the hotel!

Aunt Lydia will freak!
[GASPING]

And Winnie is following her!

We've gotta find the human
before Aunt Lydia does

or she'll never
believe I can run things!

Five minutes
till Gretchen's here!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[SNIFFING]

I smell human.

It has been centuries
since I've been
on a good human hunt.

[CLUCKING] Centuries!

If there is a human
in this hotel,
I will find it.

And I will eat it!

[LAUGHING]
Well, I likely won't eat it,

but a scolding it will get.
[CHUCKLING]

Diane! [CLAPPING]

Come!
[CLUCKING]

[SNIFFING]

[BARKING]

[CRINKLING]

[CRINKLING]

Just put it in
your mouth already.

[BARKING]

[GASPING]
The Nosepicker and Winnie.

It's a two-for-one.

[PANTING]

Go on without me!

Gotcha!

[GIGGLING]

[PANTING]
[BARKING]

[GIGGLING]

LYDIA: Where is that human?

Shush! Aunt Lydia is coming.
We've gotta hide you.

It's very close!

Mavis!
[WHISTLING]

What are you hiding?

Fine.

I guess he must've found it
outside and rode in on it.

Good thing I caught him,

so he couldn't upset
the order of the hotel, huh?

[SNIFFING] And I guess this
explains the human smell.

Order maintained.

[ROARING] Very well.

[HORN HONKING]
We shall incinerate it

before any of the guests catch
it's disgusting human scent.

[ROARING]

Wait, wait! [CLUCKING]

Pretty car! [CLUCKING]

Fine. Well, I guess
if it makes you
feel like a chick again...

[CLUCKING]

[CLUCKING]
[HORN HONKING]

She's here!

I'm here!

The hotel reviewer is here!
Oh, no!

Nosepicker!

So, where do ya think
that goes?

[GIGGLING]

Go to your happy place,
go to your happy place...

[SCREAMING]

Order not maintained.

Okay, Mavis, think!

There's gotta be something
worse than a three-headed dog!

[GROWLING AND BARKING]

Hank! Didn't you take three
years of wolf pup calling?

[CLEARING THROAT]
Four years, actually.

My teacher said I had
the most scarred trachea
she'd ever seen.

Can you just do it, please?

Okay.
[CLEARING THROAT]

[TONGUE WAGGING
AND PANTING]

I'm guessing
that didn't work.

[BARKING]

[WHIMPERING]

[SCREAMING]

HANK: Wait, come back.
Where are you going?

Uh, body?

See? No prob.

Y'all know
I was faking, right?

Okay, I need you guys
to get her home before
anybody finds out.

[BARKING]

No!
Not through the lobby!

Stop!

Ah! Please, no!
No more running!

[SOBBING]

Careful! Careful with my
beautiful statue.

[BARKING]

[BARKING]

[GROANING]

[SCREAMING]

Fire, fire, fire, fire!

[PANTING] Whoa!

SHRUNKEN HEAD:
Announcing Gretchen Squib!

What's going on here?

No!

[GASPING] I love it!

Huh?

[SCREAMING]

Five skulls!

Except for that. Ew.

[BUZZER SOUNDING]

Could be worse.

Could it?

[SNEEZING, KAZOO SOUNDING]

Hey, I forgot about you.

[KAZOO PLAYING]

Here's your key,
enjoy your stay.

[BARKING]

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]

Goin' up.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]

[ELEVATOR CREAKING]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]

Or down works, too.

Free-range organic larvae.
Enjoy!

Ugh! So many responsibilities.
This night is the worst.

Mavis, pose for a Smell-fie!

[FLATULENCE]
[SNIFFING]

Mmm, it's blob-berry.

Mavis, stop posing
for scientifically
impossible photos

and get back to work.

Oh. Diane!

[ROARING]
Still with the painting?

Chicken minions
and their ridiculous hobbies.

Uh, Mavis, remember that box
we were told to never
ever-ever-ever open?

Spoiler... We opened it!

[MONSTROUS ROARING]

And it's time for my break.

[SCREECHING]

[CONTENTED SIGHING]

The only place where I can
get some peace and quiet...

[MONSTROUS ROARING]

Is this...
all my old stuff?

Aw, the first mouse I caught.

Stuart, you were so slow.

Hansel and Gretel?

[SHUDDERING] So scary.

I hated how those evil kids
tormented that nice old witch.

[LAUGHING]

Mavis, you found me!

And it only took 90 years.

Okay, what's happening now?

It's me! Your Debbie.
Don't you remember?

I... remember.

ANNOUNCER:
The Fatale Corporation brings
you "My First Ghost Doll."

♪ Debbie, you're terrible,
you make we wanna scream

♪ My Debbie Doll
is really mean

Debbie will be
your best friend...

forever.

So, you've been playing
Hide and Shriek

and waiting all this time
for me to find you?

Yep. You were looking
for Debbie, right?

Oh, of course, I was.

I knew you wouldn't quit.

A best friend would
never stop looking, right?

So, what should we play next?

Uh, I don't know.
You choose.
'Kay.

Yeah!

[LAUGHING]

Debbie loves tea parties.

[SIGHING CONTENTEDLY]
You know, this was kinda fun.

Sometimes
it's just nice to chill
with the simple things.

Not "sometimes," Mavis.
All times.

So, um, can we play tomorrow?
And tomorrow's tomorrow?

And tomorrow's
tomorrow's tomorrow?

Uh... sure?

[SNORING]

Wake up, wake up, wake up!
It's time to play!

Huh? Debbie?

Race ya to a billion.
[GIGGLING]

[GROANING]

[DEBBIE VOCALIZING]

[VOCALIZING, GIGGLING]

Debbie loves tea parties!

And what's a tea party
without finger sandwiches?

Hey, come back!

Hey, get outta there!

I don't just let
any finger pick my nose.

Uh, yesterday you
used my finger to do it.

Well, you I know.

Mavis, how long we
gonna keep this up for?

Yeah, I'm getting pretty full
drinking all this tea.

But it isn't real tea.

I like to give 100%.

Oh! So. my tummy
and all this tea...

Come on, Debbie was
my favorite toy as a kid.

She was a gift from my dad

for getting an A-plus
in Sunlight Avoidance.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Mavey Wavey.

ANNOUNCER:
The Fatale Corporation brings
you "My First Ghost Doll."

[GIGGLING]

Even when you don't
want to play ever again,

Demented Debbie is
ready for more fun.

[CHILD SCREAMING]

Daddy, Daddy,
can I have one? Please?

Fatale Inc. is not responsible
for any dolls that annoy

and torment you until
the end of time and beyond.

All dolls are no stamped it,
double-locked it,
no erasies, yours forever.

Sure, honey bat.

What's the worst
that can happen?

Um, I'm starting to think
maybe there was a reason

my Dad locked all
my stuff in the attic.

[DEBBIE GIGGLING]

Who's ready for
a game of Hearts?

Oh, Debbie,
I'd love to, but I...

[ALL CLEARING THROATS]

We.
We. W-E.

We, sorry. We need to
go pour acid on some plants.

If that's all right?

Sure. Why would
that be a problem?

Huh. That was easy.
See, nothing to worry about.

No, nothing to worry about.
Debbie will be fine.

Just like Debbie
was fine for 90 years.

[SCREAMING]

So, are we, um,
are you brewing up more
of that imaginary tea,

or are we just sort of,
living in this space?

[DEBBIE LAUGHING]

[SCREAMING]

Hey, keep it steady.

[SCREAMING]

Hot buns!

[SCREAMING]

Pedro, stop. Stop!

PEDRO:
Put it out!

Mavis!
What is the meaning of this?

I swear it wasn't our fault.

My ghost doll
won't leave us alone.

Blaming a ghost?
How unoriginal.

Not just a ghost,
but a ghost doll.

[GROWLING]

Not helping.

[CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY]

Clean up this mess or else.

[CLUCKING] Like it?

[SIGHING]

Man, I like how she didn't say
what she was gonna do there.

A nice touch.
Totally terrifying.

We've got to get
rid of Debbie!
She's wrecking everything.

[EXCLAIMING]
How much fun was that?

Debbie, enough.

I can't play with you
all the time.

I think we need
to take a break, okay?

'Kay.
Break over!

Tag, you're it.
[LAUGHING]

[GROWLING]
Debbie just won't quit.

There's no place to hide.

Hang on. Hide.

So, Debbie wants to play, huh?

Come on, guys.



Dead or not, here I come.

I don't get it. I thought
you didn't want to play

with that
demented doll anymore.

Pedro, we're playing
Hide and Shriek
to get rid of her.

Oh, yeah, right.
Of course.

So, shouldn't
we go looking for her?

I do feel kinda bad
ditching her, though.

She was like
my oldest friend.

So sorry, I'm late.
Somehow I got
stuck in a coffin

at the bottom of
a quicksand pool.

Strange, no idea how
that happened.

But nothing can stop me
from hanging with my Mavis.

Dude, she's just a toy,
a really, really
annoying, toy.

That's for sure.
[YAWNING]

I'm going to go take a nap.

I'm gonna do a whole
lot of nothing.

I'm gonna... just go.

Mavis' new friends are
trying to brainwash her.

But soon everyone
will like Debbie.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

[COUGHING]

Phew!
Thought she'd never leave.

[YAWNING]

Hey, have you seen Hank,
Pedro or Wendy?

We were supposed
to go see that new
horror flick, Human Shoe.

NARRATOR: Human Shoe.
It's coming...

to kick your butt.

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING] I don't know.

Thanks.
You're a big help.

HANK: Help.

Hank?

WENDY: Help!

PEDRO:
Somebody help us.

Mavis, help.

Debbie is throwing us
a never-ending tea party.

She says we're going
to be here forever.

Yeah. She wants to play
with us all the time.

Aw, yeah, well,
that is kinda sweet.

No!
This is t*rture!

She only has fake chamomile
and these costumes
are super itchy!

Oh, I can help with that.

[LAUGHING]
Yeah. Thanks dude.

Wait a minute.

If your arm could scratch me,

why didn't you just
use it to untie us?

Sometimes it's nice to be
invited to a fancy party.

Right?

DEBBIE:
Be right there, new friends.

You know how Debbie
hates to be alone.

She's coming.

Mavis, you gotta
get us outta here.

Puce is not my color.

We'll be trapped
for all time like the girl
in the commercial.

♪ It's been
eight hundred years

♪ Debbie's batteries
last forever

♪ I'm starting to think

♪ She's the worst gift ever ♪

I'm never gonna leave!

Debbie hates to be alone, huh?
Be right bat.

[SCREECHING]

Please hurry.

I'm back!

Debbie found these
chocolate treats

at the bottom of a rat's nest.

Too salty.
This tea party stinks!

Hey.
[GASPING] Mavis.

You made it.

[CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY]
Hi. Yeah.

I just had to wrap my gift.

Can't come to a tea party
without a present
for the host.

[SIGHING]

So, you do understand
tea party protocol.

Debbie thinks we're going
to be best friends...

forever!

[SCREAMING]

I got you your
very own Debbie doll.

Don't you just love it?

Get it off!
Take it back!

Get her away from me!

But, Debbie, don't you see,
now you've got someone to

"stamped it, double-locked it,
no erasies" play with forever.

So, you'll never be alone.

Where you going?
[LAUGHING]

See that?
If you can't b*at 'em,
buy another one.

Wow, you really are
the worst at giving gifts.

Hey, wait.
Oh, come on!

At least toss me
another one of them

not so delicious
chocolate balls!

♪