01x02 - Bad Friday/Hoop Screams

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Screaming)

♪

(Bats squeaking)

Hello, Hotel Transylvania!

I'm Frankenstein,

and this is Bad Friday!

One, two, three!

♪ Once in 100 years ♪

♪ We get to make 'em scream ♪

♪ Once every 100 years ♪

♪ We scare 'em till they pee ♪

♪ It's your day, it's my day ♪

♪ It's Bad, Bad, Bad,
Bad Friday ♪

♪ It's your day, it's my day ♪

♪ It's Bad, Bad, Bad,
Bad Friday ♪

(Cheering)

Here's how it works.

Whoever scares Larry the Leech
the most, wins!

Highest scores are tracked on
our Scare-O-Meter 2000! Booyah!

Bad Friday is about monsters
scaring humans to death,

not giving each other
the heebie jeebies.

(Clucking)

Progress!

Yes. And it is disgusting.

(Speaking gibberish)

My first ever Bad Friday card?

Aww, you're such a softie.
Thanks, Dad!

(Sniffling)

Aww, Bad Friday to you too, Jim.

Thanks!

It's from my dad.

"Dear Mavis, just do your best,
which means win!"

Ugh, unbelievable!

Yikes, no pressure.

Your dad is the greatest
Bad Friday champ of all time!

Every 100 years on Bad Friday,
there's your dad,

winning the Screamie for scoring
the most blood-curdling scream!

But I guess now,
with your dad away,

for the first time
in a millennium,

that baby's up for grabs!

(Screaming)

Then again, you kind of have it
in the IV bag,

being in your blood and all.

No, thanks!
Bad Friday is my dad's deal.

I want nothing to do with it.

Mavis the rebel, love it.

Poor kid can't hack it.

Yeah, she's terrified.

Ooh, it's from my dry cleaners!
That is so thoughtful.

You, uhh, clean those things?

Nope! They press all my
grilled cheese sandwiches.

Bad Friday to you, Hankie!

I'm so glad I'm here
for your first one.

Don't worry.
I know you won't win.

It's Mavis all the way!

Aww, thanks, Dad!
Oh, come on!

Sorry, Mavis,
but you're a Dracula.

You got this in the IV bag.

(Sighing)

The pressure is off!
Man, that feels so goo--

I mean,

I wish my dad
expected more of me.

(Barking)

(Screaming)

(Dinging)

And the first scream is in!

Taking an early lead,
it's, uhh--

Anyone know which pup that was?

(Thundering)

♪

(Screaming)

(Dinging)

(Screaming)

(Dinging)

Whoa!

Seriously? Hello?

(Snoring)

Quit staring at me with eyes
full of expectation.

Honey bat, come on!
At least try to get a scream.

Is there a rule somewhere that
says every Dracula has to win?

It's unspoken.
Great, let's keep it that way.

(Muffled speaking)

Make an effort!

Scare up some initiative!

Put your fangs into it!

Does this shirt
make me look pale?

Get out of my head, Dad!

Teenagers!

I'm kind of glad
Mavis isn't trying.

At least I won't be the only one
who doesn't get a scr-- Whoa!

(Screaming)

(Snoring)

All right, a tiny, but noble
first effort by my son,

Hank N. Stein!

Atta boy.

Sorry, dude, but also, booyah!

Whoo!

(Humming)

How can you celebrate?

That barely ranks
on the curdle scale.

Hey, man, at least he tried.

True, unlike my niece, Mavis,
daughter of Dracula!

(Groaning)

Or you. Am I right?

She has won it before, though.

She did?

You did?

Wait. How do you know?

I have a bad habit

of accidentally on-purpose
reading diaries.

(Clucking)

"Accidentally"?

It's true.

I did indeed win,
five times in a row,

before Mavis's father was born.

Back then,
we only scared humans.

You should have seen
the high score in my day!

But then,
baby brother came along,

and won and won and won.

Still, it is a tradition.

Now, who would like to see me
win the Screamie?

Ooh, me! Oh, do it! Oh, I want
you to do it so bad!

(Clucking)

(Screaming)

(Dinging)

And Lydia takes the lead with
a rare triple slay! Booyah!

And that is how a Dracula
wins the Screamie.

(Groaning)

Fine.

Everyone wants me to win
the Screamie so bad. I'll do it!

Ha ha!

The only way to b*at a triple
slay is to scare a human.

Done and done.

Ah, Mavis, you silly bat,
you can't make a human scream.

You're only 114.

Relax. I got it.

Like my dad says,
"It's in our blo-blo-blood!"

Yeah, he totally
doesn't say that.

Okay, I'm going to spook
the humans, win the Screamie

and spend the next
100 years gloating.

Piece of worm-cake.

I've got this.

(Children laughing)

How hard can it be?

(Dog barking)

BABY:
Boo-boo!

(Screaming)

(Cheering)

(Dinging)

(Gasping)

(Panting)

Can you believe it?

It was only the most
blood-curdling scream tonight!

Mavis Dracula, one question:

How did you do it?

I--

(Chuckling)

There's not much to tell.

♪ It's the ballad of Mavis,
frightener of humans ♪

♪ And the scream
heard round the world ♪

Well, okay,
I went behind a tree.

And I saw an open window.

♪ Hidden by the tree
of decisions ♪

♪ With sap of purest gold ♪

♪ Mavis spied
the gateway to terror ♪

♪ Could she be so bold? ♪

So, I went up to the window.

♪ She could,
she could be so bold ♪

♪ She could be and she was ♪

And I saw Mrs. Cartwright, and--

(Screaming)

♪ She scared her prey
on Bad Friday ♪

♪ Mavis, frightener of humans ♪

Umm, that's not exactly--

♪ I didn't think
she'd pull it off ♪

♪ She's soft,
she's just a child ♪

♪ She's scarier than you
by far ♪

♪ Or playing fast and wild ♪

♪ She scared the humans
and b*at your score ♪

♪ And blasted aliens with
a whole bunch of lasers ♪

(Imitating sh**ting)

Oh, you want some of this?

(Imitating sh**ting)

(Blowing)

(Laughing)

♪ She scared her prey
on Bad Friday ♪

♪ And blasted aliens
with lasers, hey ♪

♪ Mavis, frightener of humans ♪

♪ Mavis,
frightener of humans ♪

((Owl hooting)g)

(Sighing)

(Gasping)

Your father will be so proud.
I wish I'd seen it myself.

I know. Let's go back.

You can scare her again
with me as your witness.

I'd love to.

But it was once-in-a-lifetime,
element of surprise and all.

I bet you could do it again
anyway. You are good.

Yeah! Do it! Do it!

Yes!

It's settled. Come, Mavis.

I can't wait to see
exactly how you did it.

Right behind you!

I'm the one who screamed,
not Mrs. Cartwright!

Oh, no.

But the song!

Yeah, that's not what happened.

Now, let's see
what we've got here.

(Screaming)

What was it? What did you see?

I can't even.
It was too horrible!

Well, this time, you've got us.

We're scare masters!

Well, sort of.

Not really.

Actually, at all.

Mavis, I said let's go!

Uhh, coming!

♪

So, this is
the tree of decisions

with sap of purest gold?

And that is
the gateway to terror?

Yeah, but, you know, it's
scarier when the light's on.

But it's off.
So, I guess we should go.

(Light switch flicking)

Oh, yes, that is much worse.

Stop!

Once you see what's in there,
you can never un-see it!

I knew it!
You didn't scare anyone!

Please, Aunt Lydia,
I'm warning you.

You are warning me?

Child, I have seen it all,
including seeing my niece

fake her way through
the glory of Bad Friday.

Now watch and learn!

Who's a bunny bunny?

(Sniffing)

Oh, my!
Did someone go boom-boom?

What is your father feeding you?

(Baby giggling)

Next time, it's Daddy's turn!

We have a winner!

Why would she touch it? And what
are they saving them for?

I don't know. And I don't ever
want to know either!

We must never
speak of this again.

It's a deal, Aunt Lydia.

SNHB

Hey!

(Grunting)

Boom! You just got Pedro'd!

My mother said "Sheldon, why not
become a doctor or a lawyer?"

But, no, I had to weave nets.

Mavis, Mavis, over here!

My turn!

Rats! I thought I had it!

It's okay, man.
You're good at
doing other stuff,

like watching me do
my victory dance! Kick it!

(Grunting)

Oh, man.

(Grunting)

And that's how
you play basketball!

Boom-Drac-alakca!

I got this!

Yeah, right.

Would it k*ll you to at least
pretend he's going to score?

(Grunting)

Ah!

Oh, stitches!

Poor guy, too bad he's just--
how do I say this--

really good
at not being very great.

If only there was a way to give
him the gift of basketball.

Wait a sec. That's it. I'll give
him the gift of basketball!

You and gifts? No.

What are you talking abo

Right, Wendy?

Okay, how do I say this?

Some of your presents are really
good at not being very great!

Name one.

Uncle Archie? Is that you?

Great, an invisible tie.

(Screaming)

This time,
it's going to be different.

I know just what Hank needs.

FRANK:
Help.

Whoa!

Two points!
Yay!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Ah!

(Thundering)

Famous Igors,
wicked step-monsters,

faceless henchmen.
Ooh, there it is, athletes!

Hmm, is this the one?

(Grunting)

Only one way to find out.

(Rumbling)

Boom!

Guess whose gravestone's
going to say

"Here lies
an amazing gift giver."

(Thundering)

Hmm, got any fours?

No. Go fish.

(Screaming)

Ha! Fished my wish!

Did someone say "Wish"?

No need for those
when you've got Mavis,

the greatest gift giver around!

For me? Wait a sec.

It's not going to
try to k*ll me, is it?

As if!

Ooh! Antlers!

What's he going to do
with extra hands? Clap more?

Oh, oh, I don't know,

maybe play basketball
super awesomely?

Whoa! Cool!

(Spitting)

Look! I'm already clapping more!

Fits like a gloves!

I got to take these puppies
for a test drive.

(Whimpering)

Oh, yeah, who's got
two thumbs pointing at her

and is the best gift giver ever?
This vampire!

♪

Yes! Mama, there goes that man!

And that's a slam-dunk
for Mavis's gift-giving!

Oh, also, yay, Hank!

(Crying)

Whoo!

(Gasping)

Mavis, I'll never, ever forget
who gave me these hands.

I can't wait to see
what else these guys can do!

Whoa, way to stay in shape,
new hands!

Old hands used to take breaks
all the time, so lazy.

♪

(Toilet flushing)

Uhh, guys,
it's been a lot of fun.

But believe it or not,

there's more to life
than just basketball.

I'm not saying balling
isn't super important.

But maybe we could, you know,
try brushing my teeth?

Nice. Thanks, guys.

Ow!

Hey, uhh, easy or you'll
hit my brain.

(Groaning)

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Oh, good, you're up.

Remind me to
never give you a job

in the wake-up call department.

Mavis, you got to help me.

Sorry. The gift-giving
help desk is closed for sleep.

But this is
a gift-giving complaint!

A gift-giving who-what-now?

I can't eat. I can't sleep.

And you don't even want to know

what going to the bathroom
is like, okay?

Umm, maybe don't touch anything,
okay?

They're awesome at basketball
and terrible at everything else!

Umm, have you tried
taking them off?

Oh, you know,
I never thought of that.

Of course I thought of that!

Ow!

Holy rabies, this is a job
for a professional,

or something close to one.

Mm-hmm, uh-huh,
just as I suspected.

These are definitely hands.

We know what they are! We need
to know how to get them off!

Classic case
of reverse limb rejection.

They're too comfy cozy
on Hank's arms.

The only cure is to have your
old hands reclaim their spot.

Hopefully, you've put them
somewhere safe.

What if, by accident,
Hank threw away his old hands

like they were
totally worthless?

I have just the prescription.
You've got to woo 'em.

Uhh, "Woo"? How do we woo?

If I knew that,

I'd still have my old girlfriend
and my ex-dog!

Gone! Gone!

Don't worry. I have a plan.
And it involves wooing gifts.

You know how to "Woo"?

You don't get to be 114

without reading a few
Teen Fang magazines.

We need flowers
and grand gestures!

What about, uhh, you know who?

Oh!

They're staying here.

I have just the body-sitters
for the job.

Uhh, we're not flying high,
are we?

Oh, no, no, not at all.

What's tickling my chin?

Uhh, blades of grass.

Ooh, roses for wooing!
Open wide.

Hank! I see your hands!

(MUFFLED):
Here, these are for you.

He says
"Here, these are for you."

Huh?

This next song
goes out to Hank's hands,

from his head and his heart.

(Spitting)

♪ Handy hands, come back to me ♪

♪ Forgive me, please ♪

♪ We were meant to be ♪

♪ You know me like the back of ♪

Uhh, you.

Stop! Guys, come on!

Think of the good times,
like, uhh,

when we'd play pull my finger
to freak out the wolf pups!

Or how you'd clean dandruff
off my shoulder

and pretend it's snow?

Aww, happy memories, good times!

It's working! It's totally
disgusting, but it's working.

It's just not the same
without you!

Aww, I missed you so much too!

Ow, ow, ow!

The noogies less so.

(Sobbing)

Okay, this was fun
the first 967 times.

Who am I kidding?
It's still fun!

Hey, new hands,
time for a showdown!

(Dinging)

(Spritzing)

(Growling)

I can't watch.

But I also can't cover my eyes,
or clap for the winner!

(Groaning)
What's the winner
get anyway?

Duh! Me!

Oh, cool, cool stuff.

(Growling)

(Dinging)

(Cheering)

Awesome!

Ooh, pretty!

(Gasping)
Oh, no!

New hands wants to play
guillotine, pitchfork, icepick!

Old hands never wins that game!
Somebody do something!

I know.

Hey, new hands, think fast!

No leaving the ring!

Old hands wins!

(Dinging)

(Growling)

Glad to have you back, buds.

(Gasping)

And as for you two...

Thanks, foot!

I'm sorry about
the whole gift-giving thing.

I promise to stop.

No way. You made me
awesome at something,

even if it almost
completely ruined my life.

Yeah, I did!

Wait. What?

High five!

Uhh, okay!

(Grunting)