02x05 - It Must Be The Shoes
Posted: 03/19/24 16:36
♪
(Honking)
Whoa!
Whoa!
Ah!
♪
Boo yeah!
A little Eggert Shake ’n Bake,
he sh**t and ohh he scores!
And the ball is back in play.
(Computer beeping)
Dude, you faked me right out
of my underwear.
Eww, putting them on wrong is
probably a factor.
TV ANNOUNCERHe scores, he
scores, he scores!
Three pointer!
You really are amazing, you
ought to play real b-ball.
I do play real b-ball.
Real B-Ball by Talbendo.
You press R to harass the
coach and get a three game
suspension.
BASKETBALL PLAYERWhatdo
you mean I’m out?
Actually, I mean, real real
basketball.
You know, with people and sweat.
Do you think?
(Crowd cheering)
ANNOUNCEREggert weaves
through the defence, he stops,
locks and scores!
An incredible three pointer, a
lucrative shoe contract and his
own hip hop CD.
I’m serious, you’ve got
moves.
This joystick, that one.
What’s the difference?
Don’t get me wrong, I like
pro sportsthe jets, the limos,
the girls, the money.
Thegirls holding the money, in
the limos, on the jets.
But there’s stuff I don’t like
about real sports, like
exercise and pain and having to
pretend you actually read books
in public service announcements.
Yes, I’m out, woo hoo!
(Crashing)
♪
(Horn blowing)
(Crowd cheering)
ALLTouchdown, touchdown,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
(Whispering)
(Girls giggling)
Basket, basket, yeah, yeah,
yeah!
Hmm, maybe I will go out for
the team.
They could use someone who can’t
accidentally trip over his own
feet.
Over here, over here!
Yeah!
Ah!
(Crashing)
(Crowd booing)
ALLOuch, ouch, yeah, yeah,
yeah!
Boo, you stink!
On the other hand, there’s a
lot of pressure on an athlete.
Pressure?
There’s no pressure, as long as
you don’t stink!
You guys stink!
What do you care whether our
jocks beat their jocks?
Yeah, we know we hate
our jocks.
Like, their jocks might be nice.
Well, we want our team to win
because, well, because their
uniforms are a better colour.
And the other team’s mascot’s
a p*ssy cat.
A wild cat, ohh, it’s scary.
Roar, roar.
ACEYeah, right.
We’ve got Beaky the Birdman.
Somebody help me, I’ve been
smelling my own face sweat for
three hours.
Okay, Beaky’s lame, but
sports are cool.
Not the way boys play them.
If the girl’s, like had a
basketball team we’d play just
for fun.
The girl’s don’t have a team?
How dare you deny us women, our
rightful opportunity to dribble!
Girl’s, you’re the victim of
budget cuts.
Sadly, there’s not enough money
for a girl’s team and this
year’s Charles Dickens themed
spring musical!
Ah.
Like wow, costumes,
choreography, Cockney accents.
♪It was the best of times ♪
♪ It was the worst of times
Can we focus here?
It was a hard decision.
Years ago, Alcatraz had a proud
tradition of girl’s basketball.
We also had a proud tradition of
holding our hands like this, as
if eating a big submarine
sandwich.
Munch, munch, munch.
(Throat clearing)
Sorry, ahem, in those days, the
star of the team was Pricilla
"Elbows" Eggert.
(Crashing)
The hoop was just a peach
basket, it was Elbows who
ex*cuted the first slam dunk.
Thereby, inventing the hole.
Glory days girls!
We can’t use the gym because
he wants to rehearse the
musical, so let’s just do the
musical!
And add a few basketballs,
hoops, whistles and a score
board!
♪
Eggert fakes left, behind the
back pass, ohh yeah!
I got skills!
Exciting news!
I’m tutoring some under
privileged children who
need a responsible father figure
right here in our home.
That’s great dad.
...okay.
(Computer beeping)
Homeboy’s all that with the
joystick, but can he take a real
ball to the hole?
You want to trash talk?
Try this.
Ow, ow, ow!
Dude, watch the nose.
Oh!
Not bad, why don’t you try out
for the team?
The school team?
They’re hopeless they can’t even
dunk their own doughnuts.
(Sizzling)
Ahh hot!
Sorry!
Cream?
Ohh.
Plus the fans are hostile,
they’d boo me like they’d boo
everyone else on the team.
(Throat clearing)
The day they boo is the day
you’ll play.
What kind of advice is that?
I could do better with one of
those plastic -balls.
Great ’cause I need a break.
(Zapping)
(Ship horn blowing)
(Water bubbling)
The day they boo is the day
you’ll play.
Whatever.
♪
Before we start, I must say,
it’s nice to see students so in
love with chemistry, they come
to class with their favourite
atomic numbers written on their
shirts.
We’re just trying to pass the
dumb makeup finals, so we don’t
get kicked off the dumb team.
I see, so you aren’t
academically needy, so much as
you are um--
Stupid jocks?
We never ever use that word.
Sorry.
Stupid athletes?
Enough thinking you eggheads,
you want to give him brain
bruises?
Time for a sh**t round!
(Whistle blowing)
Gram-Gram, they have to pass
chemistry or they can’t play.
Oh, don’t sweat it.
I’ll drill them during layups.
Hydrogen, helium, tsk boom ba!
Lithium, beryllium, ra ra ra!
♪
Oliver Twist, don’t forget
when you’re being double-teamed
you have to pitch up to the open
guard.
Yes Sir!
Oh, I mean...(in cockney accent)
yes, sir.
Work on your lines while I go
fetch the Tale of Two Cities’
guillotine.
♪Tis a far far better♪
♪thing I do ♪
He’s gone, let’s play!
Remember, we’ll all make
mistakes, so let’s remain
supportive not like those silly
boys.
(Buzzing)
Good try!
Yay for Kelly, she hit
something!
(Gasping)
It like, went in, cool!
Yeah, if your goal is to make
others feel inadequate!
Like sorry.
Sorry!
♪
Sorry!
Hi Pelswick.
Hey Julie, why are you
dressed like Dr. Quinn?
It’s a long story.
So, uh, Ace says you’re a
basketball hot shot.
You know how Ace exaggerates.
I need a full time personal
coach.
He doesn’t always exaggerate.
Sandra’s better than me and
it’s coming between us.
Can you teach me to play as well
as her so we can still be
friends?
Sure, I can do that.
I’m like, so much better than
Julie it’s coming between us.
I want you two to teach me to
play worst than her so we can,
like still be friends.
I’ve seen her play, oh that’s
going to be tough.
What made you come to us?
(Crashing)
Ohh.
Yeah, just like that.
♪
I did it, I did it!
I made a shot, I’m just like
Sandra now.
Way to go Julie.
Maybe we should quit here,
since we have to be in school in
three hours.
Thanks, really, I think I owe
you a little something.
Oh yeah.
(Lips smacking)
So you can find your way
home!
Another session before
tomorrow’s rehearsal-- I mean,
practice?
If you think the neck can
stand it.
Great, I have to be careful
though, I don’t want to get
better than Sandra.
I think you’ve got a pretty
comfortable buffer zone there.
♪
Luke, I am your guardian
angel.
And did I mention, the day they
boo is the day you’ll play!
Welcome to the dark side.
(Heavy breathing)
♪
SANDRAWhat’s up first
governor,I mean Kelly.
Layups.
Sandra!
(Grunting)
(Crashing)
Sandra, are you okay?
Did it like go in?
Uh no, it rolled into the
supply cupboard.
Then I feel great, I’m just like
Julie!
(Door creaking)
Julie, you wouldn’t believe
what I just did!
Oh yeah?
Watch this!
♪
Wow Julie!
I know, I know.
You’ve become a vain boastful
show-off who makes the rest of
us look like garbage.
C’mon Sandra, us girls who
play with equal non-competitive
awfulness want to buy you a
burger.
But but--
Thanks a lot Pelswick!
But you asked me to make you
good!
In a more better kind of way.
Not that good!
(Bubbling)
Personally, I favour
abolishing tests and exams, but
if you don’t pass today’s
chemistry test you’ll be
benched.
This pudding tastes weird.
You’re eating a petri dish
full of slime mould, Einstein.
(Dramatic organ playing)
Not bad.
♪
So Julie got real good and
now the team’s mad at her
because they’re not trying to be
so good so they won’t be like
the boys who aren’t good but
want to be good.
It’s kind of confusing-ish.
Pelswick, Pelswick, Pelswick!
No, it’s Goon, Ace, Pelswick.
Vice Principle Zeigler wants
to know if you’ll play a key
role in tonight’s big game.
Oh he does, does he?
That’s what he was saying,
our team’s lousy they’ll boo,
I’ll play and save the day!
Of course I will!
Great, he was right, he said
your nose would fit perfectly
inside the beak.
I don’t understand.
Our last Beaky the Bird had
an accident.
Are there any eggs you need
me to sit on until you recover?
(Squawking)
Oh, Mr. Jimmy!
Come out of there you coward!
Don’t look straight into
that, you’ll go blind.
Or, no wait, was that the sun?
Anyway I got some advice for ya.
I know, when they boo you
will play.
You call this playing?
I’m a bird, they’re going to
mock me!
That’d make you a mocking
bird.
This looks more like a cardinal.
I don’t want to be any bird!
I thought I’d be on the court.
Want the -ball again?
That depends if you’re
planning on standing within
throwing range.
I’ve seen your sh**t, I’d
have to be pretty close.
You will meet a tall dark wasp,
it’s for you.
Is this thing on?
ALLYes, it’s on!
Welcome to the final game
between the Birdmen of Alcatraz
and the Wasps of Gated Community
Private School.
(Crowd cheering)
On a personal note, I hope
you’ll all turn out next week
for our spring musical!
Don’t you even look at her
Sandra, if she’s going to work
hard and excel she’s not worth
bothering with!
Can we crawl under the
bleachers to look for lose
change?
Don’t you want to see your
brother in a bird suit?
I’d rather play in sticky
stuff.
And now, our beloved mascot,
Beaky the Birdman will lead us
in a cheer!
This bites.
ALLThis bites, this bites,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
And here to throw out the
ceremonial first elbow, is
Alcatraz Junior High’s own--
Hush up and play some hoop!
I got next.
Where’s Pelswick go?
What a move, you’re missing a
heck of a game.
You can’t see anything under
here but saggy seats and gum
stalactites.
How are you watching the game?
On the future channel.
What?
Well, I’m going to go watch
next year’s game.
Popcorn’s fresher in the future.
Remember--
I know, when they boo I’ll
play, I heard ’em already,
thanks.
Look Bobby, some primo change
dropping butts and your
humiliated big brother.
♪
ZEIGLEROh, nice try by the
big mean triangular boy.
(Crowd cheering)
Hum the jaunty going in the
net song.
♪ Going in the net
♪ I’m going in the net ♪
♪ I’m a biggie bouncy ball ♪
♪ I’m going in the net ♪
(Buzzer sounding)
It’s half time and our boys are
down by ten.
But they’ll be right back.
No they won’t, they’ve failed
chemistry, they’re disqualified.
(Gasping)
Oops.
The school’s rule is pass or
don’t play.
Time’s about to run out on
Alcatraz Junior High.
In a long long history of
humiliating Alcatraz Junior High
sporting events, this baby takes
the cake.
You know Sandra, there’s no
reason for us to argue.
I only got better to be more
like you.
You did?
I like, only got lousy at
sh**ting and passing and
dribbling and almost unable to
walk to be more like you.
Really?
Pardon me in coach!
I’m sorry Elbows, you can’t
play, we have no girl’s team.
Yes we do!
Vice Principle Zeigler!
Hello little bird!
South is that way.
Fly, fly to your warm winter
heaven.
Right, uh, but before we
forfeit can you give me five
minutes and the key to the
costume room?
(Nervous laughing)
♪
I’m tickled pink to announce
that the game will continue.
(Crowd gasping)
But for the second half,
Alcatraz will be represented by
the high kicking, fun singing,
smash hit musical of the year,
Little Dickens.
(Gasping)
Play this right boys and
there’s soundtrack money in it
for all of us!
Timpani!
♪
What is this?
We may look like David
Copperfield, Martin Chuzzlewit,
Oliver Twist, Tiny Tim and like
one of the beggars from Bleak
House but we’re all academically
qualified.
Little Dorrit?
Oh here’s my chem. final,
there was only four chemicals
then but I knew them all.
Let’s play some ball!
(Crowd cheering)
It’s the famous urchin chorus
line.
♪ We had the expectations to
♪rise above our stations ♪
♪ In this filthy dirty world
♪ of ours
(Crowd cheering)
Alright!
Boo!
Buzz off!
(Crashing)
Ow.
(Whistle blowing)
(Buzzing)
ZEIGLERAt the break with
three seconds on the clock and
two free throws to Alcatraz,
we’re behind by one point.
(Crowd cheering)
We’re pounding them!
We’re creaming them!
(Weeping)
We’ve hurt and humiliated
them.
We’ve become the same as the
boys.
Except sweeter smelling with
a better offensive rotation.
But we did this to make a
statement that it’s not about
winning, it’s about having fun
and being with friends.
(Weeping)
We have to lose.
But how?
If I like take those last two
sh*ts, they’re going in, I’ve
got nothing but net.
Me too, my hands are swish
machines.
If we can’t take the sh*ts,
we all foul out of the game.
Don’t look at us, Walkie and
me are on fire.
(Crowd booing)
CROWDPlay ball, play ball,
play ball, play ball!
Pelswick, you passed
chemistry.
Of course, have Pelswick take
the foul sh*ts.
Me?
Like what a wonderful way to
say we don’t care about winning.
Please Pelswick, could you do
it?
Excuse me.
Good game next week.
They weren’t booing before,
they were laughing at me.
Uh huh.
Now, they’re booing.
You got it.
Now they’re booking, I better
take these sh*ts and lose the
game.
They’re counting on ya.
What if I through it and it
goes in?
Just have faith in yourself
kid and there’s no way you can
win.
(Crowd booing)
♪
I can do this.
(Gasping)
That was awfully close.
One more chance folks.
Is it overtime, or must I fill
this bucket with my salty tears?
C’mon Pelswick!
Please Pelswick!
(Buzzing)
Hooray!
Oh yeah, yeah!
Oh, Pelswick!
(Team cheering for Pelswick)
(Crowd booing)
You hate me, you really hate
me.
♪
♪
(Honking)
Whoa!
Whoa!
Ah!
♪
Boo yeah!
A little Eggert Shake ’n Bake,
he sh**t and ohh he scores!
And the ball is back in play.
(Computer beeping)
Dude, you faked me right out
of my underwear.
Eww, putting them on wrong is
probably a factor.
TV ANNOUNCERHe scores, he
scores, he scores!
Three pointer!
You really are amazing, you
ought to play real b-ball.
I do play real b-ball.
Real B-Ball by Talbendo.
You press R to harass the
coach and get a three game
suspension.
BASKETBALL PLAYERWhatdo
you mean I’m out?
Actually, I mean, real real
basketball.
You know, with people and sweat.
Do you think?
(Crowd cheering)
ANNOUNCEREggert weaves
through the defence, he stops,
locks and scores!
An incredible three pointer, a
lucrative shoe contract and his
own hip hop CD.
I’m serious, you’ve got
moves.
This joystick, that one.
What’s the difference?
Don’t get me wrong, I like
pro sportsthe jets, the limos,
the girls, the money.
Thegirls holding the money, in
the limos, on the jets.
But there’s stuff I don’t like
about real sports, like
exercise and pain and having to
pretend you actually read books
in public service announcements.
Yes, I’m out, woo hoo!
(Crashing)
♪
(Horn blowing)
(Crowd cheering)
ALLTouchdown, touchdown,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
(Whispering)
(Girls giggling)
Basket, basket, yeah, yeah,
yeah!
Hmm, maybe I will go out for
the team.
They could use someone who can’t
accidentally trip over his own
feet.
Over here, over here!
Yeah!
Ah!
(Crashing)
(Crowd booing)
ALLOuch, ouch, yeah, yeah,
yeah!
Boo, you stink!
On the other hand, there’s a
lot of pressure on an athlete.
Pressure?
There’s no pressure, as long as
you don’t stink!
You guys stink!
What do you care whether our
jocks beat their jocks?
Yeah, we know we hate
our jocks.
Like, their jocks might be nice.
Well, we want our team to win
because, well, because their
uniforms are a better colour.
And the other team’s mascot’s
a p*ssy cat.
A wild cat, ohh, it’s scary.
Roar, roar.
ACEYeah, right.
We’ve got Beaky the Birdman.
Somebody help me, I’ve been
smelling my own face sweat for
three hours.
Okay, Beaky’s lame, but
sports are cool.
Not the way boys play them.
If the girl’s, like had a
basketball team we’d play just
for fun.
The girl’s don’t have a team?
How dare you deny us women, our
rightful opportunity to dribble!
Girl’s, you’re the victim of
budget cuts.
Sadly, there’s not enough money
for a girl’s team and this
year’s Charles Dickens themed
spring musical!
Ah.
Like wow, costumes,
choreography, Cockney accents.
♪It was the best of times ♪
♪ It was the worst of times
Can we focus here?
It was a hard decision.
Years ago, Alcatraz had a proud
tradition of girl’s basketball.
We also had a proud tradition of
holding our hands like this, as
if eating a big submarine
sandwich.
Munch, munch, munch.
(Throat clearing)
Sorry, ahem, in those days, the
star of the team was Pricilla
"Elbows" Eggert.
(Crashing)
The hoop was just a peach
basket, it was Elbows who
ex*cuted the first slam dunk.
Thereby, inventing the hole.
Glory days girls!
We can’t use the gym because
he wants to rehearse the
musical, so let’s just do the
musical!
And add a few basketballs,
hoops, whistles and a score
board!
♪
Eggert fakes left, behind the
back pass, ohh yeah!
I got skills!
Exciting news!
I’m tutoring some under
privileged children who
need a responsible father figure
right here in our home.
That’s great dad.
...okay.
(Computer beeping)
Homeboy’s all that with the
joystick, but can he take a real
ball to the hole?
You want to trash talk?
Try this.
Ow, ow, ow!
Dude, watch the nose.
Oh!
Not bad, why don’t you try out
for the team?
The school team?
They’re hopeless they can’t even
dunk their own doughnuts.
(Sizzling)
Ahh hot!
Sorry!
Cream?
Ohh.
Plus the fans are hostile,
they’d boo me like they’d boo
everyone else on the team.
(Throat clearing)
The day they boo is the day
you’ll play.
What kind of advice is that?
I could do better with one of
those plastic -balls.
Great ’cause I need a break.
(Zapping)
(Ship horn blowing)
(Water bubbling)
The day they boo is the day
you’ll play.
Whatever.
♪
Before we start, I must say,
it’s nice to see students so in
love with chemistry, they come
to class with their favourite
atomic numbers written on their
shirts.
We’re just trying to pass the
dumb makeup finals, so we don’t
get kicked off the dumb team.
I see, so you aren’t
academically needy, so much as
you are um--
Stupid jocks?
We never ever use that word.
Sorry.
Stupid athletes?
Enough thinking you eggheads,
you want to give him brain
bruises?
Time for a sh**t round!
(Whistle blowing)
Gram-Gram, they have to pass
chemistry or they can’t play.
Oh, don’t sweat it.
I’ll drill them during layups.
Hydrogen, helium, tsk boom ba!
Lithium, beryllium, ra ra ra!
♪
Oliver Twist, don’t forget
when you’re being double-teamed
you have to pitch up to the open
guard.
Yes Sir!
Oh, I mean...(in cockney accent)
yes, sir.
Work on your lines while I go
fetch the Tale of Two Cities’
guillotine.
♪Tis a far far better♪
♪thing I do ♪
He’s gone, let’s play!
Remember, we’ll all make
mistakes, so let’s remain
supportive not like those silly
boys.
(Buzzing)
Good try!
Yay for Kelly, she hit
something!
(Gasping)
It like, went in, cool!
Yeah, if your goal is to make
others feel inadequate!
Like sorry.
Sorry!
♪
Sorry!
Hi Pelswick.
Hey Julie, why are you
dressed like Dr. Quinn?
It’s a long story.
So, uh, Ace says you’re a
basketball hot shot.
You know how Ace exaggerates.
I need a full time personal
coach.
He doesn’t always exaggerate.
Sandra’s better than me and
it’s coming between us.
Can you teach me to play as well
as her so we can still be
friends?
Sure, I can do that.
I’m like, so much better than
Julie it’s coming between us.
I want you two to teach me to
play worst than her so we can,
like still be friends.
I’ve seen her play, oh that’s
going to be tough.
What made you come to us?
(Crashing)
Ohh.
Yeah, just like that.
♪
I did it, I did it!
I made a shot, I’m just like
Sandra now.
Way to go Julie.
Maybe we should quit here,
since we have to be in school in
three hours.
Thanks, really, I think I owe
you a little something.
Oh yeah.
(Lips smacking)
So you can find your way
home!
Another session before
tomorrow’s rehearsal-- I mean,
practice?
If you think the neck can
stand it.
Great, I have to be careful
though, I don’t want to get
better than Sandra.
I think you’ve got a pretty
comfortable buffer zone there.
♪
Luke, I am your guardian
angel.
And did I mention, the day they
boo is the day you’ll play!
Welcome to the dark side.
(Heavy breathing)
♪
SANDRAWhat’s up first
governor,I mean Kelly.
Layups.
Sandra!
(Grunting)
(Crashing)
Sandra, are you okay?
Did it like go in?
Uh no, it rolled into the
supply cupboard.
Then I feel great, I’m just like
Julie!
(Door creaking)
Julie, you wouldn’t believe
what I just did!
Oh yeah?
Watch this!
♪
Wow Julie!
I know, I know.
You’ve become a vain boastful
show-off who makes the rest of
us look like garbage.
C’mon Sandra, us girls who
play with equal non-competitive
awfulness want to buy you a
burger.
But but--
Thanks a lot Pelswick!
But you asked me to make you
good!
In a more better kind of way.
Not that good!
(Bubbling)
Personally, I favour
abolishing tests and exams, but
if you don’t pass today’s
chemistry test you’ll be
benched.
This pudding tastes weird.
You’re eating a petri dish
full of slime mould, Einstein.
(Dramatic organ playing)
Not bad.
♪
So Julie got real good and
now the team’s mad at her
because they’re not trying to be
so good so they won’t be like
the boys who aren’t good but
want to be good.
It’s kind of confusing-ish.
Pelswick, Pelswick, Pelswick!
No, it’s Goon, Ace, Pelswick.
Vice Principle Zeigler wants
to know if you’ll play a key
role in tonight’s big game.
Oh he does, does he?
That’s what he was saying,
our team’s lousy they’ll boo,
I’ll play and save the day!
Of course I will!
Great, he was right, he said
your nose would fit perfectly
inside the beak.
I don’t understand.
Our last Beaky the Bird had
an accident.
Are there any eggs you need
me to sit on until you recover?
(Squawking)
Oh, Mr. Jimmy!
Come out of there you coward!
Don’t look straight into
that, you’ll go blind.
Or, no wait, was that the sun?
Anyway I got some advice for ya.
I know, when they boo you
will play.
You call this playing?
I’m a bird, they’re going to
mock me!
That’d make you a mocking
bird.
This looks more like a cardinal.
I don’t want to be any bird!
I thought I’d be on the court.
Want the -ball again?
That depends if you’re
planning on standing within
throwing range.
I’ve seen your sh**t, I’d
have to be pretty close.
You will meet a tall dark wasp,
it’s for you.
Is this thing on?
ALLYes, it’s on!
Welcome to the final game
between the Birdmen of Alcatraz
and the Wasps of Gated Community
Private School.
(Crowd cheering)
On a personal note, I hope
you’ll all turn out next week
for our spring musical!
Don’t you even look at her
Sandra, if she’s going to work
hard and excel she’s not worth
bothering with!
Can we crawl under the
bleachers to look for lose
change?
Don’t you want to see your
brother in a bird suit?
I’d rather play in sticky
stuff.
And now, our beloved mascot,
Beaky the Birdman will lead us
in a cheer!
This bites.
ALLThis bites, this bites,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
And here to throw out the
ceremonial first elbow, is
Alcatraz Junior High’s own--
Hush up and play some hoop!
I got next.
Where’s Pelswick go?
What a move, you’re missing a
heck of a game.
You can’t see anything under
here but saggy seats and gum
stalactites.
How are you watching the game?
On the future channel.
What?
Well, I’m going to go watch
next year’s game.
Popcorn’s fresher in the future.
Remember--
I know, when they boo I’ll
play, I heard ’em already,
thanks.
Look Bobby, some primo change
dropping butts and your
humiliated big brother.
♪
ZEIGLEROh, nice try by the
big mean triangular boy.
(Crowd cheering)
Hum the jaunty going in the
net song.
♪ Going in the net
♪ I’m going in the net ♪
♪ I’m a biggie bouncy ball ♪
♪ I’m going in the net ♪
(Buzzer sounding)
It’s half time and our boys are
down by ten.
But they’ll be right back.
No they won’t, they’ve failed
chemistry, they’re disqualified.
(Gasping)
Oops.
The school’s rule is pass or
don’t play.
Time’s about to run out on
Alcatraz Junior High.
In a long long history of
humiliating Alcatraz Junior High
sporting events, this baby takes
the cake.
You know Sandra, there’s no
reason for us to argue.
I only got better to be more
like you.
You did?
I like, only got lousy at
sh**ting and passing and
dribbling and almost unable to
walk to be more like you.
Really?
Pardon me in coach!
I’m sorry Elbows, you can’t
play, we have no girl’s team.
Yes we do!
Vice Principle Zeigler!
Hello little bird!
South is that way.
Fly, fly to your warm winter
heaven.
Right, uh, but before we
forfeit can you give me five
minutes and the key to the
costume room?
(Nervous laughing)
♪
I’m tickled pink to announce
that the game will continue.
(Crowd gasping)
But for the second half,
Alcatraz will be represented by
the high kicking, fun singing,
smash hit musical of the year,
Little Dickens.
(Gasping)
Play this right boys and
there’s soundtrack money in it
for all of us!
Timpani!
♪
What is this?
We may look like David
Copperfield, Martin Chuzzlewit,
Oliver Twist, Tiny Tim and like
one of the beggars from Bleak
House but we’re all academically
qualified.
Little Dorrit?
Oh here’s my chem. final,
there was only four chemicals
then but I knew them all.
Let’s play some ball!
(Crowd cheering)
It’s the famous urchin chorus
line.
♪ We had the expectations to
♪rise above our stations ♪
♪ In this filthy dirty world
♪ of ours
(Crowd cheering)
Alright!
Boo!
Buzz off!
(Crashing)
Ow.
(Whistle blowing)
(Buzzing)
ZEIGLERAt the break with
three seconds on the clock and
two free throws to Alcatraz,
we’re behind by one point.
(Crowd cheering)
We’re pounding them!
We’re creaming them!
(Weeping)
We’ve hurt and humiliated
them.
We’ve become the same as the
boys.
Except sweeter smelling with
a better offensive rotation.
But we did this to make a
statement that it’s not about
winning, it’s about having fun
and being with friends.
(Weeping)
We have to lose.
But how?
If I like take those last two
sh*ts, they’re going in, I’ve
got nothing but net.
Me too, my hands are swish
machines.
If we can’t take the sh*ts,
we all foul out of the game.
Don’t look at us, Walkie and
me are on fire.
(Crowd booing)
CROWDPlay ball, play ball,
play ball, play ball!
Pelswick, you passed
chemistry.
Of course, have Pelswick take
the foul sh*ts.
Me?
Like what a wonderful way to
say we don’t care about winning.
Please Pelswick, could you do
it?
Excuse me.
Good game next week.
They weren’t booing before,
they were laughing at me.
Uh huh.
Now, they’re booing.
You got it.
Now they’re booking, I better
take these sh*ts and lose the
game.
They’re counting on ya.
What if I through it and it
goes in?
Just have faith in yourself
kid and there’s no way you can
win.
(Crowd booing)
♪
I can do this.
(Gasping)
That was awfully close.
One more chance folks.
Is it overtime, or must I fill
this bucket with my salty tears?
C’mon Pelswick!
Please Pelswick!
(Buzzing)
Hooray!
Oh yeah, yeah!
Oh, Pelswick!
(Team cheering for Pelswick)
(Crowd booing)
You hate me, you really hate
me.
♪
♪