01x02 - Episode 2
Posted: 03/19/24 12:23
what a beautiful day
what a view
ah how you doing
doing a little ladder testing today
wow this one seems to hold up pretty
good
with the old maxwell stamp of approval
on this baby
nice day huh feels great
you like the cartwrights you know all of
them rolled into one
put on the old work shirt work up the
sweat
sweat like a son of a guy
doing what i can loving what i do
there's nothing like working with your
two hands to me
uh to me see even that that's that's
good because that
that makes you feel alive in a certain
way you know what i mean
[Music]
um
[Music]
kitty what is it what happened oh
that's my stupid thumb i i hit it with a
hammer oh
yeah let me have a look at sit down yeah
i don't know how it happened
you say that 75 of all accidents occur
right in the home
yeah it happened to anybody this time it
happened to me
let me get the eye down i don't know you
know things like this have been
happening a lot lately i don't
understand it funny thing is i don't
seem to mind it
i don't know whether it's the fresh air
the food or what
like that breakfast this morning steak
and eggs
biscuits waffles grits
did you like the corn fritters are the
corn fritters listen can we do that
again tomorrow please
look this is gonna sting so hold on
mm-hmm that's so cool yeah that's
yeah that's good oh you're good at this
administration huh it is what i do for a
living
such as it is what are you thinking
about
i was uh just thinking about all those
stars we counted out the window last
night
did you make a wish on one didn't have
to
got everything i need right here
you know what i wish right we should go
see your daddy
now why would you say something like
that it's on my mind
you know he's here he's over at the va
yeah
i see him a couple times a month seems
only right that you should
pay your respects seeing how you are his
only son yeah
right wow
he wants to see me
he can come over here he can't he's in a
wheelchair
well that's too bad slack
well i'll go see him when i feel like it
you haven't seen him in 25 years so
boy you're a hard case aren't you
i'm a hard case you didn't know stan
maxwell
big stan that's what they used to call
them
big chest big boys big hairy knuckles
big leather belt with the bull moose on
the buckle
he used to work about 16 hours a day or
with the crankshaft shop
he'd come home at night not in a real
good mood
he'd wave that belt around his head to
scare the hell out of my mom and me
and then he'd uh do real nice fatherly
things like if i made a little noise if
he was listening to his favorite radio
program he had to
throw a steel tip work boot at my head
and my mom she didn't fare much better
i i don't know why she took it
in fact i asked her once
i said what makes you get up
in the morning
she said it's the clock slam
when the clock goes off i get up
she was a saint kitty
she served her time with him
so did i
when i left this place i swore i'd never
see that man again
slap i understand hard times and
families
why don't you bury the hatchet
forgive and forget
you know i i see him on my rounds
he's not all you say he is i mean he
he's kind of gentle and sweet
never threw nothing at me
wow
but maybe it's because you never made a
noise when he was playing the radio
i told him you'd come see him i know
it's none of my business but i did it
i hope you forgive me
i gotta run
kitty
i can't go over there you know what my
horoscope said today
said i should spend the evening with
somebody special
meet me at jake's after my shift
charlie do you know anything about these
um what are they
they're flowers charlie
actually miss walton i do know a little
bit about them
they're um they're from a secret admirer
from slab no they couldn't be from slap
they're alive
they're from me miss ralston charles
wilson as a token of my sincerest thanks
for being so kind with me and
with all that's happened what do you
mean charlie miss ralston
i want you i need you yeah charlie i
thought we talked this all over the
other day
yes but then i asked myself how often
does an opportunity like this come along
and i had to tell myself not very often
charlie
oh you'll get over it believe me in
another 20 years
all you'll remember about this are my
legs
thanks ralston i'm putty in your hands
uh okay
but still i i think we made the right
decision
now we've just got to get on with our
lives
you've got to go your way and i've got
to see nelson
you'll write a sports column no way
howard i'm telling you nelson
right now there is a sports writer
inside me trying to get out what do you
want
you're looking at a man who is no
stranger to coits the latest circulation
figures chief
they're way down i'm gonna make my move
today no more beating her on the bobcat
i'm gonna follow my nose on this one
nelson do you mean you're gonna replace
slap with somebody out of a folder
somebody we don't even know you're darn
tootin i'm replacing the primavera
lock stock and sinker i thought you said
we weren't gonna have any sports column
at all
i'm higher in this guy it reads like
silk off a spoon
and look at that handle even sounds like
a sports writer
lou harper sounds like a guy with a
mortgage and six mouths to feed
he's due here at 11. show him in right
away
nelson i really think you should give
this some more thought
now we've all lost a valuable person in
slab and besides if you hire somebody
else what's gonna happen when slap comes
back
look far be it from me to burst your
appendix
but the man is not coming back and i'm
telling you now
unless this harper guy turns out to be
some kind of carpet sweeper
i'm hiring him this afternoon
hey big juke hey dutch give me the usual
two fingers of something diabetic
running a special today
anything green half off plus all the
maraschino cherries you can eat
make it a double what's the occasion in
case we have to detail it for the
paramedics
i don't know what's happening to me
dutch driving to work this morning i saw
a dead bird by the side of the road
reminded me of my life believe i've seen
that same bird from time to time
nelson doesn't think slap's coming back
what do you think dutch
have you heard anything from him
not a people well if you had
would you know whether or not he's all
right not have you ever known our slap
not to be
harper didn't show harper harbor who
the guy was gonna get to phil's slap
spot my monkey's really cooked that this
guy's a no-show
i've got no other prospect you know
there's an amazing lack of black
colonists on that paper i noticed
in this whole southwest area i noticed
why do you think that is nelson
well i'm not making a pitch for myself
you understand but you could do a lot
worse
first it was judy then howard's walking
around with a baseball cap
now you what do i look like a featherbed
you got a glass of water or someplace to
clean up
[Music]
are you krueger yeah
the guy with the beetle haircut back at
the office he told me i'd find you here
oh you found me who the hell are you i'm
your new sports writer
harper call me lou
[Music]
a and e we'll be right back with daphne
coleman in slap maxwell
amd is back with dabney coleman as slap
maxwell
how late am i anyway blade ain't the
problem well i ran a lemon rolled down
by some cactus somewhere it must be 150
degrees out yeah that's why they call it
a desert i had to walk the last eight
miles
well if you put a picture on your resume
this would have never happened lou
harper what kind of a name is that for a
woman
short for louise i didn't say louise it
said lou and that's what i was expecting
a lou
well let's just say that's the last time
i'll disappoint you
where's my desk what are you talking
about i ain't giving you a desk you're a
woman
oh trying to use logic on me huh hey
wait a minute you got something chiseled
in stone that says a woman can't hurt
sports what are you some kind of
misogynist
a presbyterian what's religion got to do
with it the point being
you hate women only when they write
sports oh
well that's logical look i need somebody
to haul the lemons fill the jugs not
somebody who's going to open a daycare
center right after maternity leave and
you hate kids too
i love kids i'm not married but you're
likely to be
someday suppose you fall in love with
somebody who wants you to move to east
uranus with him
what do i do i'm not going anywhere
nelson i like it here
already look don't take offense it's
been a long day and you're not exactly
what i had in mind besides
you're sitting in my chair
did you read my stuff yeah it's good
isn't it yeah
well you might as well call off your
search right now because you're not
gonna do any better than me
i just walked eight miles through
flintstone country to get here so you
could tell me i don't fit your dubious
requirements
and i haven't broken your nose yet i'm
showing a lot of restraint for a sports
writer
especially the kind this paper tends to
favor
what's that supposed to mean i know who
i'm replacing
i know he was good i also know he left
you under a big black cloud well guess
what
here's your silver lining i don't need
the lining i need the whole damn coat
just let me show you what a real writer
can do
that's all i'm asking and let's just say
i don't mind seeing a lot of guys
soaping up in the shower while i prove
my point
my job is writing about people and the
games they play and i'm
real good at my job you should remember
that because if it ever comes to a
showdown
and you have to choose between my riding
and slap maxwell's
you would know what in the world to do i
suppose you're a hard worker too
i am i'm knocking the ball
right out of the park right now and you
don't exactly know why you can't quite
put your finger on why i intrigue you
but i do come on nelson
you're a newsman what's your gut telling
you
i know what mine's telling me we're
gonna do business here because
i'm your man
that's it mr maxwell i'm calling the
supervisor what is she saying you've got
to do something for the circulation
right just deposit writing time for your
bath
all right come on you're breaking up my
game
come on come on who wants to play cards
here
i do pop peel me in
[Music]
you're standing in my light
in or out how are you pop
you sticking you ain't got it
well that was a lot of fun pop what are
you doing here
i live here not you him
he came to see you you still doing
whatever
whatever it is you do yeah don't
sabbatical
don't research just passing through town
went up to the old house stan who is he
aubry um would you excuse us
we we haven't seen each other in uh at
25 years
i think you got something there those
damn
democrats already i said shut up
so what do you want
just want to see if you're okay
i'm not dead that's what you were hoping
for no
he wasn't heard you got married
that's right got a kid too a boy
big boy very tall he's a writer too
just like his old man that's so yeah
matter of fact uh he's he's very proud
of me these days i uh
i sort of won this award well i didn't
sort of i've
i actually won this award which is a
pretty big deal there's a
magazine my pictures right there on the
cover oh any girls in there
take it easy bob this old couch driving
me crazy somebody had to sh**t him
why don't you just throw a boot at him
provo time's sake i don't need you
around here either
well as a matter of fact this wasn't my
idea
i wouldn't even be here kitty hadn't
suggested i'd come over here
kitty huh ain't that the way some panty
waste you letting a woman tell you what
to do
you just just
speak up bubba what are you stuttering
now too huh
look at you i'm getting mad huh you want
to take a poke at me
well go ahead see if you can whip an old
man
in a wheelchair
i'm still tough enough to send you
yelping out of here turning tail just
like you used to do
never ran from you that's what you say
damn it bob
don't you ever let him i really tick you
off don't i
yeah you do
our visiting hours are over i'm leaving
that's not true you know what that fella
says in that article about me working in
the factory i was a farmer
you tell them that when your mom didn't
have to sew her own clothes she did it
because she liked it
you tell him i'll straighten him out
let me know
well i don't know about that i'm not
real sure i'll be back through here
i'm not sure i want you to fine
put me for it you get high cut you won't
have to come back here for another 25
years
low-cut you bring me a case of beer
it's a deal
go for it son gopher ah you whack em
over the head with a shovel
so you beat him
tied both to a three of hearts
i should have told you about those decks
over the va
i'll tell you thank you i'll tell you
one thing
he is still full of hell i walked in
that place i felt like a six-year-old
kid in short pants
[Music]
but you know for a minute there i
thought maybe
maybe we could settle something maybe
maybe not
you're glad you went to see him yeah
i should have fought him though i think
i think maybe i could take him now maybe
with him dragging that iv
around
[Music]
no you're looking better you're not
scowling tonight
i feel easy with you i feel like no time
has passed at all i mean i
picture you 16 years old most
vivacious cowgirl i've ever seen in my
life slap
i don't know what mirror you're looking
into but i'm not that girl you remember
are you sure no i'm not i don't want to
be
i wouldn't go back and do that all again
for all the tea in china
those are pretty good for some
hey you know what happened to my story
today
what story a soap oh it came out just
the way i
thought it was pamela's doing
you know she's a little i told you
that
[Music]
i do
do you ever feel like just packing up
and leaving this
town getting restless huh no i'm happy
it's a bear in the basement
what's that mean i don't know
i just heard someone say it one time
i feel like raising a little hell here
why don't we see if we can
find ourselves a mechanical bull maybe a
drive-in with some adult movies
4-h is holding its second annual corn
chuck
ooh one shot yeah that could be fun not
often you get to see a good corn shuck
i'll say it was gonna be good well
that's a beauty part you never know do
you
[Music]
a and e will be right back with slap
[Music]
maxwell
[Music]
wow
[Music]
wow
you
what a view
ah how you doing
doing a little ladder testing today
wow this one seems to hold up pretty
good
with the old maxwell stamp of approval
on this baby
nice day huh feels great
you like the cartwrights you know all of
them rolled into one
put on the old work shirt work up the
sweat
sweat like a son of a guy
doing what i can loving what i do
there's nothing like working with your
two hands to me
uh to me see even that that's that's
good because that
that makes you feel alive in a certain
way you know what i mean
[Music]
um
[Music]
kitty what is it what happened oh
that's my stupid thumb i i hit it with a
hammer oh
yeah let me have a look at sit down yeah
i don't know how it happened
you say that 75 of all accidents occur
right in the home
yeah it happened to anybody this time it
happened to me
let me get the eye down i don't know you
know things like this have been
happening a lot lately i don't
understand it funny thing is i don't
seem to mind it
i don't know whether it's the fresh air
the food or what
like that breakfast this morning steak
and eggs
biscuits waffles grits
did you like the corn fritters are the
corn fritters listen can we do that
again tomorrow please
look this is gonna sting so hold on
mm-hmm that's so cool yeah that's
yeah that's good oh you're good at this
administration huh it is what i do for a
living
such as it is what are you thinking
about
i was uh just thinking about all those
stars we counted out the window last
night
did you make a wish on one didn't have
to
got everything i need right here
you know what i wish right we should go
see your daddy
now why would you say something like
that it's on my mind
you know he's here he's over at the va
yeah
i see him a couple times a month seems
only right that you should
pay your respects seeing how you are his
only son yeah
right wow
he wants to see me
he can come over here he can't he's in a
wheelchair
well that's too bad slack
well i'll go see him when i feel like it
you haven't seen him in 25 years so
boy you're a hard case aren't you
i'm a hard case you didn't know stan
maxwell
big stan that's what they used to call
them
big chest big boys big hairy knuckles
big leather belt with the bull moose on
the buckle
he used to work about 16 hours a day or
with the crankshaft shop
he'd come home at night not in a real
good mood
he'd wave that belt around his head to
scare the hell out of my mom and me
and then he'd uh do real nice fatherly
things like if i made a little noise if
he was listening to his favorite radio
program he had to
throw a steel tip work boot at my head
and my mom she didn't fare much better
i i don't know why she took it
in fact i asked her once
i said what makes you get up
in the morning
she said it's the clock slam
when the clock goes off i get up
she was a saint kitty
she served her time with him
so did i
when i left this place i swore i'd never
see that man again
slap i understand hard times and
families
why don't you bury the hatchet
forgive and forget
you know i i see him on my rounds
he's not all you say he is i mean he
he's kind of gentle and sweet
never threw nothing at me
wow
but maybe it's because you never made a
noise when he was playing the radio
i told him you'd come see him i know
it's none of my business but i did it
i hope you forgive me
i gotta run
kitty
i can't go over there you know what my
horoscope said today
said i should spend the evening with
somebody special
meet me at jake's after my shift
charlie do you know anything about these
um what are they
they're flowers charlie
actually miss walton i do know a little
bit about them
they're um they're from a secret admirer
from slab no they couldn't be from slap
they're alive
they're from me miss ralston charles
wilson as a token of my sincerest thanks
for being so kind with me and
with all that's happened what do you
mean charlie miss ralston
i want you i need you yeah charlie i
thought we talked this all over the
other day
yes but then i asked myself how often
does an opportunity like this come along
and i had to tell myself not very often
charlie
oh you'll get over it believe me in
another 20 years
all you'll remember about this are my
legs
thanks ralston i'm putty in your hands
uh okay
but still i i think we made the right
decision
now we've just got to get on with our
lives
you've got to go your way and i've got
to see nelson
you'll write a sports column no way
howard i'm telling you nelson
right now there is a sports writer
inside me trying to get out what do you
want
you're looking at a man who is no
stranger to coits the latest circulation
figures chief
they're way down i'm gonna make my move
today no more beating her on the bobcat
i'm gonna follow my nose on this one
nelson do you mean you're gonna replace
slap with somebody out of a folder
somebody we don't even know you're darn
tootin i'm replacing the primavera
lock stock and sinker i thought you said
we weren't gonna have any sports column
at all
i'm higher in this guy it reads like
silk off a spoon
and look at that handle even sounds like
a sports writer
lou harper sounds like a guy with a
mortgage and six mouths to feed
he's due here at 11. show him in right
away
nelson i really think you should give
this some more thought
now we've all lost a valuable person in
slab and besides if you hire somebody
else what's gonna happen when slap comes
back
look far be it from me to burst your
appendix
but the man is not coming back and i'm
telling you now
unless this harper guy turns out to be
some kind of carpet sweeper
i'm hiring him this afternoon
hey big juke hey dutch give me the usual
two fingers of something diabetic
running a special today
anything green half off plus all the
maraschino cherries you can eat
make it a double what's the occasion in
case we have to detail it for the
paramedics
i don't know what's happening to me
dutch driving to work this morning i saw
a dead bird by the side of the road
reminded me of my life believe i've seen
that same bird from time to time
nelson doesn't think slap's coming back
what do you think dutch
have you heard anything from him
not a people well if you had
would you know whether or not he's all
right not have you ever known our slap
not to be
harper didn't show harper harbor who
the guy was gonna get to phil's slap
spot my monkey's really cooked that this
guy's a no-show
i've got no other prospect you know
there's an amazing lack of black
colonists on that paper i noticed
in this whole southwest area i noticed
why do you think that is nelson
well i'm not making a pitch for myself
you understand but you could do a lot
worse
first it was judy then howard's walking
around with a baseball cap
now you what do i look like a featherbed
you got a glass of water or someplace to
clean up
[Music]
are you krueger yeah
the guy with the beetle haircut back at
the office he told me i'd find you here
oh you found me who the hell are you i'm
your new sports writer
harper call me lou
[Music]
a and e we'll be right back with daphne
coleman in slap maxwell
amd is back with dabney coleman as slap
maxwell
how late am i anyway blade ain't the
problem well i ran a lemon rolled down
by some cactus somewhere it must be 150
degrees out yeah that's why they call it
a desert i had to walk the last eight
miles
well if you put a picture on your resume
this would have never happened lou
harper what kind of a name is that for a
woman
short for louise i didn't say louise it
said lou and that's what i was expecting
a lou
well let's just say that's the last time
i'll disappoint you
where's my desk what are you talking
about i ain't giving you a desk you're a
woman
oh trying to use logic on me huh hey
wait a minute you got something chiseled
in stone that says a woman can't hurt
sports what are you some kind of
misogynist
a presbyterian what's religion got to do
with it the point being
you hate women only when they write
sports oh
well that's logical look i need somebody
to haul the lemons fill the jugs not
somebody who's going to open a daycare
center right after maternity leave and
you hate kids too
i love kids i'm not married but you're
likely to be
someday suppose you fall in love with
somebody who wants you to move to east
uranus with him
what do i do i'm not going anywhere
nelson i like it here
already look don't take offense it's
been a long day and you're not exactly
what i had in mind besides
you're sitting in my chair
did you read my stuff yeah it's good
isn't it yeah
well you might as well call off your
search right now because you're not
gonna do any better than me
i just walked eight miles through
flintstone country to get here so you
could tell me i don't fit your dubious
requirements
and i haven't broken your nose yet i'm
showing a lot of restraint for a sports
writer
especially the kind this paper tends to
favor
what's that supposed to mean i know who
i'm replacing
i know he was good i also know he left
you under a big black cloud well guess
what
here's your silver lining i don't need
the lining i need the whole damn coat
just let me show you what a real writer
can do
that's all i'm asking and let's just say
i don't mind seeing a lot of guys
soaping up in the shower while i prove
my point
my job is writing about people and the
games they play and i'm
real good at my job you should remember
that because if it ever comes to a
showdown
and you have to choose between my riding
and slap maxwell's
you would know what in the world to do i
suppose you're a hard worker too
i am i'm knocking the ball
right out of the park right now and you
don't exactly know why you can't quite
put your finger on why i intrigue you
but i do come on nelson
you're a newsman what's your gut telling
you
i know what mine's telling me we're
gonna do business here because
i'm your man
that's it mr maxwell i'm calling the
supervisor what is she saying you've got
to do something for the circulation
right just deposit writing time for your
bath
all right come on you're breaking up my
game
come on come on who wants to play cards
here
i do pop peel me in
[Music]
you're standing in my light
in or out how are you pop
you sticking you ain't got it
well that was a lot of fun pop what are
you doing here
i live here not you him
he came to see you you still doing
whatever
whatever it is you do yeah don't
sabbatical
don't research just passing through town
went up to the old house stan who is he
aubry um would you excuse us
we we haven't seen each other in uh at
25 years
i think you got something there those
damn
democrats already i said shut up
so what do you want
just want to see if you're okay
i'm not dead that's what you were hoping
for no
he wasn't heard you got married
that's right got a kid too a boy
big boy very tall he's a writer too
just like his old man that's so yeah
matter of fact uh he's he's very proud
of me these days i uh
i sort of won this award well i didn't
sort of i've
i actually won this award which is a
pretty big deal there's a
magazine my pictures right there on the
cover oh any girls in there
take it easy bob this old couch driving
me crazy somebody had to sh**t him
why don't you just throw a boot at him
provo time's sake i don't need you
around here either
well as a matter of fact this wasn't my
idea
i wouldn't even be here kitty hadn't
suggested i'd come over here
kitty huh ain't that the way some panty
waste you letting a woman tell you what
to do
you just just
speak up bubba what are you stuttering
now too huh
look at you i'm getting mad huh you want
to take a poke at me
well go ahead see if you can whip an old
man
in a wheelchair
i'm still tough enough to send you
yelping out of here turning tail just
like you used to do
never ran from you that's what you say
damn it bob
don't you ever let him i really tick you
off don't i
yeah you do
our visiting hours are over i'm leaving
that's not true you know what that fella
says in that article about me working in
the factory i was a farmer
you tell them that when your mom didn't
have to sew her own clothes she did it
because she liked it
you tell him i'll straighten him out
let me know
well i don't know about that i'm not
real sure i'll be back through here
i'm not sure i want you to fine
put me for it you get high cut you won't
have to come back here for another 25
years
low-cut you bring me a case of beer
it's a deal
go for it son gopher ah you whack em
over the head with a shovel
so you beat him
tied both to a three of hearts
i should have told you about those decks
over the va
i'll tell you thank you i'll tell you
one thing
he is still full of hell i walked in
that place i felt like a six-year-old
kid in short pants
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but you know for a minute there i
thought maybe
maybe we could settle something maybe
maybe not
you're glad you went to see him yeah
i should have fought him though i think
i think maybe i could take him now maybe
with him dragging that iv
around
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no you're looking better you're not
scowling tonight
i feel easy with you i feel like no time
has passed at all i mean i
picture you 16 years old most
vivacious cowgirl i've ever seen in my
life slap
i don't know what mirror you're looking
into but i'm not that girl you remember
are you sure no i'm not i don't want to
be
i wouldn't go back and do that all again
for all the tea in china
those are pretty good for some
hey you know what happened to my story
today
what story a soap oh it came out just
the way i
thought it was pamela's doing
you know she's a little i told you
that
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i do
do you ever feel like just packing up
and leaving this
town getting restless huh no i'm happy
it's a bear in the basement
what's that mean i don't know
i just heard someone say it one time
i feel like raising a little hell here
why don't we see if we can
find ourselves a mechanical bull maybe a
drive-in with some adult movies
4-h is holding its second annual corn
chuck
ooh one shot yeah that could be fun not
often you get to see a good corn shuck
i'll say it was gonna be good well
that's a beauty part you never know do
you
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a and e will be right back with slap
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maxwell
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wow
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wow
you