[Music]
foreign
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you know you are making excellent
progress mr hills
and remember you know your wife isn't
out to her opinion but personally
i love the shoes
see you next week
okay i'm out of here any calls lisa uh
yeah your mother called your father
called your father called your mother
called and your father called
nothing from h*tler mussolini huh
why are you avoiding your parents
stephen hey listen if i call them back
they will have nothing to do tomorrow
i'd take you on as a patient but i'm not
that good
freud wasn't that good yeah well uh
neither was new heart
after my psyche i'm off on a date now
with a stewardess
ingrid a dutch goddess who brings new
meaning to my cab ride through the
holland tunnel
look at you divorced six months and
already you're dating a stewardess what
a cliche yeah fine i hope in an hour
will be a smiling cliche i just hope
none of my bag it shifts around during
the flight you know what i mean
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even yes
oh my ninja turtle party thing did i
mention that i had a son of mine
but he's at the sleepover he'll be back
tomorrow afternoon you will you know
because you know he's really not over
his mother leaving so like you know do
me a favor if he asks you who you are so
you're like the new gardener or
something like that
shut up and kiss me stephen
i want you oh and whoa you're gonna have
me
i want to do everything you've ever
dreamed of
really
well let me get like a ladle and some
armenian string cheese
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[Applause]
oh
oh god oh oh please please you got you
got to be gentle really the last time i
was with a woman i was like getting
nutrients to an umbilical cord
shut up
what's the matter with you i'm sleeping
here
what are you doing here maybe if you'd
answer a phone message once in a while
who is he
al mitchell my father
a man who just fulfilled my worst sexual
nightmare wow look at the size of those
things
don't listen to him he was raised by
wolves
i'm going to go no no wait amy please he
was just leaving i was not i was in here
quiet sleeping sound and you blotched in
judged in this is my house
call me steven we'll talk
no way david please wait
oh i had the condom ready since
thanksgiving
well
maybe it's better
she looked like a screamer
and we both need our sleep
what both
i took naps all week just to prepare for
this
what are you even doing here go sleep in
your own house your mother threw me out
ken what did you do this time huh
nothing the woman belongs in an asylum
what stupid investment did you make now
never mind yeah come on how much did you
lose tell me
well all of our retirement money
all of it oh geez this is this is bad
well it gets worse today the bank
foreclosed on the house
what are you oh dad why the hell didn't
you come to me huh i did i'm here
this is unbelievable
does larry know
i don't want to upset you brother he's
got enough problems but you can upset me
huh
hey you get paid for it don't you doctor
at least i'm not some idiot sitting
around watching sheep dress up and
lingerie
stop making fun of my job i can't help
but that's what i do with my car
salesman i'm quick with the jokes
before you retire to retire the jokes
all right
oh god look what's happening
it's happening again you're happy you're
happy look i'm starting to twitch again
fabulous huh like that woman across the
street with a glandular problem
man look i'm gonna call mom and we're
gonna take care of all this tomorrow
morning lots of luck the last time i saw
your mother she was out on the lawn
tearing a rabbit apart with her teeth
will you just shut up and go to bed dad
all right
i'm taking your bed
and you can sleep in the room with the
cowboys on the wall
fine but i'm warning you don't scratch
any of your body parts while you're in
there
[Applause]
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is that famous mitchell combination
father son they're going for the td
hey what's the difference as long as you
have your health am i right am i wrong
let me see that
damn new gardener
i promise i'll fix it
how do you want your hamburgers
hamburgers hey we don't eat beef here
dad hey danny remember the story i told
you about the sad little cow yes and
remember how his brother jacob became a
299 specialist roy rogers
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no hamburg is that sorry thanks you
could have told me that before i turned
on the burner
so
you have fun at brett's sleepover yeah
so sometimes i wish mommy still lives
with us like brett's mommy does
yeah i know you do buddy did your mommy
and daddy ever have a divorce no no
and believe me
i begged
hey a cadillac just pulled up looks like
the one i sold your brother it is
boy sounds good
guess the front end was realigned
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who's the ugly guy in the passenger seat
that's mom dad cut it out
what's she doing here quick danny hide
the silverware
invited her here dad i don't know if
you've noticed but we're having a family
crisis
oh yeah he brought the kids
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you've gotten what are you now about 12
four
what are you feeding him larry honk ciao
where's arlene she's home fixing the
trunk hey don't look at me like that it
was fine when she drove it off the lot
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well i'm here damn it
helen what do you want us to do throw
your party uh quick stephen uh put on
some rumba records
hi ma
what is he doing here i live here
we don't live
kids here everybody just run upstairs
and and play okay and if you hear any
screams just uh ignore them unless of
course you know they're for me
don't make me go up there with them
daddy they always sit on
me promise this will not take a long
time
don't sit on your cousin
well what did you want i'm very busy i
need to find a cardboard box to live in
please
let's all sit down and know that we're
all here to make some peace huh
maybe that's what you're here for
i'm here to get in a few good sh*ts
let him talk al
god you're such an ass
[Laughter]
what can i say
look
what will it take to get you two back
together come on
cancer of the liver
oh please come on look
dad's been screwing up for 40 years
you've been hawking him for 40 years why
leave him now i only stayed with him
because of you kids you have no idea
what hell i put up with to create a
loving and happy environment for you to
grow up in damn it
i'm sorry i screwed up helen okay what
do you want me to do rob a bank will
that make you happy this isn't about the
money al this is about me
finally have a chance to experience life
without this piece of baggage dragging
me down
i want thrills i want romance i want
multiple orgasms
oh that must be a pretty sight
you never satisfied me in bed al oh jeez
i satisfied you plenty
i didn't even know i had an o spot till
i was 58 years old 58 years old a lady
on a bus how to tell me
a big zero
oh uh i'm not feeling too good right now
is good sex too much for me to ask for
before i drop dead is it why don't you
drop dead and we'll find out
i mean here's a woman with no hope
reason already she's a swinger isn't she
okay there goes my sex life i guess i'll
just become a priest or something i
don't know no that's not a bad idea from
what i hear they've been getting a lot
of action lately
oh shut up al
i'm moving in with my sister adelaide
dude the mental case that's not a fault
dad a television fell on her head
adelaide has been very good to you every
time you screwed up she lent us money
hey i gave her a good deal on that el
dorado didn't i and the white walls were
free free
look
ma
dad if we could just open up a line of
communication communication hey don't
throw those fancy psychology words
around with us i've been married to this
woman over 40 years and we don't have to
communicate he's right stephen there
isn't a thought that he has that i can't
finish
except for this
bastard
hey hey wait a minute doesn't anybody
here
care about this family
like i do
doesn't anybody here
have any sort of you know kind loving
compassionate thought you want to sort
of like express you know
okay well then i guess mock and just go
live with crazy aunt adelaide and i can
just go live with
jack can go live
can i talk to you for a minute
hey don't be long huh she's got a
scissors in her purse and i think she's
hitting the sucky again
jeremy sat on me
ma can you please do something about
that i'll handle this
dad
you no he's not you think i need another
mouth to feed you've seen my kids they
can wear dad's pants
but he belongs with you you have a
family life you've got more money than i
do i had more money than you when dad
blew his savings he blew my savings too
oh wait wait a minute
you let dad invest your money what are
you a
oh i guess i am stephen i guess i am
now do you really expect me to ask
darlene to share her house with the man
who cost our kids their private
educations yes yes i do i am a single
guy i cannot live with my daddy anymore
don't you understand what i want to make
love on the kitchen sink you do that oh
god and i ate off your plates
he's going with you no he's not ma let's
go i'll drive you to anti-adelaide kids
come on
larry
run
grandma's sad on me that's right and
you'll never sit on your cousin again
will you
have a nice life
girl i'd like to give her one sh*t in
the chops
i'll call you ma
bye dad
i'll see you stephen you're doing the
right thing
he's a good kid god love him
oh
larry
you should be a son like that
sure
larry
the son that lived
hey hey hey dad you all right
yeah yeah i'm okay
it's your mother's perfume
smells like landfill
people are talking behind my back but
the thing you have to remember mr rashad
is you're a cab driver
you told your brother i'm an ungrateful
parasite hey get out
dr mitchell he's not in the group dad i
am in the middle of a session what you
mean you're not waiting for jack
nicholson and a big tall indian
i'm sorry dr mitchell i was on the phone
he just ran right by me so did the
allies
they'll take care of this
let's take this outside huh
i'm sorry
by the way we discussed your case and
there's no hope for you
[Applause]
he was kidding and i'll be right back
wait dr mitchell you always tell us to
explore our emotions as they come up it
might help us to watch you explore yours
i know it would help me
mind your own business aladdin huh
by the way
7-eleven called and your camels are
blocking the island
will you just cut it out already i mean
really do you ever think before you even
open your mouth you you're like a shark
at a feeding frenzy dr mitchell you
sound so hostile
i don't know where he gets it from
oh you're kidding me uh i'll take
childhood for a thousand
maybe you two should talk it over oh no
no no no no i don't think it's a very
good idea mr leech oh what we're not
good enough to share your stinking life
with it could be helpful i know it would
help me
it's too late for you
phew
i think your falafels are burning
you're such an ass
look at me i'm turning into mom
oh we'd better cover our eyes this could
get ugly
oh no oh no we're gonna work this
through right here and right now just
sit down
suit yourself tough guy but i have
nothing to say
what's your story
i can't get enough sex
get away from me
damn japanese i'm chinese what that's
better
i'll make you feel at home table 27 no
msg
will you shut off a minute let your son
work he's a genius you know he's done so
much for me i can tell
very good choice the vertical stripes
why don't you go out the back door the
schooners are circling
dad you are absolutely you're k*lling me
you're k*lling me here real you know i'm
ashamed to be related to you i mean
you're even a bigger family
embarrassment than cousin phil you know
the guy with the with the woolen hats
and the kulas
brother doesn't talk to me like this my
brother
let me tell you about your favorite son
he doesn't even want you in his own
house in fact he was even thinking of
repainting it in the hopes you wouldn't
even recognize it
he said
he said he didn't want me
well actually it was uh he was
more of a more of a look you know just
uh come to think of it uh you know he
maybe he was i don't know maybe a little
irregular at the time
i can't believe he said he didn't want
me
look
dad
larry didn't say that all right he loves
you
he loves you he loves you very much he's
a great guy all right
he's a putts
you think i don't know what larry is why
do you think i baby him so much because
i like him
because i want to protect them
you always were able to take care of
yourself you always did
your mother and i uh we've made a lot of
mistakes along the way but you turned
out pretty good you turned out real good
how come i i never knew that you felt
like this huh
i don't know maybe you
always had an awful big head when you
were a kid
[Applause]
i guess you're right
it's my problem
i'll survive
i survived 25 bombing missions
your mother's hot flashes
a bad oyster
and i could survive this too
goodbye stephen
wait though don't go
what
wait don't sound good
what are you saying
don't go
live with us
but there's gonna have to be some new
rules i mean you cannot make any cracks
about the women i date i can do that
yeah no mocking my job i can try to do
that
absolutely no interfering in the way i
raised danny
definitely no problem
i'm gonna change stephen i really am i
promise absolutely
just keep me away from porky and betty
hunner over there
right zunkadin
[Music]
[Applause]
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daddy it's your life when mommy lives
here
which explains why our marriage failed
really brexit says it's because we're
flopping the el saco
what
hey danny don't sit like that you want
to end up doing judy garland
impersonations at the rainbow room
[Applause]
here they are
thick and juicy
and blood rare hey dad i told you about
our no beef rule what happened to the
eggplant i made uh i threw it out
looked like that thing growing on
grandma's neck
grandpa was a car salesman daddy that's
why it's quick with
he's jokes great grandpa of course they
are your father loved him when he was
your age
damn it dad danny come on what are you
doing what happened to the sad little
cow krampus of the sallow cows of wuss
and all the other cows b*at the milk out
of it
right danny don't worry steven the kid
has no idea he doesn't even know what it
means
[Applause]
yes danny you're not gonna get sick of
daddy and leave like mommy did are you
no danny
i'm gonna stay here with you forever and
ever
[Music]
in fletch but on tuesday he'll be a late
night host on the premiere of the chevy
chase show
now stay tuned for tribeca
[Music]
foreign
01x01 - Pilot
Watch/Buy Amazon
Revolves around Dr. Steven Mitchell, a psychologist who lived in Manhattan with his young son and, despite his constant insults and put downs, his father Al , an obnoxious used car salesman who was recently separated from his wife Helen.
Revolves around Dr. Steven Mitchell, a psychologist who lived in Manhattan with his young son and, despite his constant insults and put downs, his father Al , an obnoxious used car salesman who was recently separated from his wife Helen.