900x19 - The Mike Judge Collection 210
Posted: 03/10/24 17:10
[Chuckling]
[Bluesy rock music]
♪
[Knocks on door]
- Is there, like, a reward for your kids?
- What are you talking about?
- Yeah. We found 'em.
- What do you mean?
They were just playing in the yard.
- Uh, no they weren't.
They were, like, out on the sidewalk.
- Yeah, they were just, like, wandering around and stuff,
But--you know, but they're all safe now,
So, um, can we have some money?
- Yeah.
Could we, like, just have some money for our troubles?
- Well, if you boys need money that bad,
Maybe you can watch the kids for me.
What are you boys doing tonight?
- We're gonna watch tournament of warriors .
It's gonna rule.
- Well, their dad's in town and wants to meet me,
But I can't leave without someone to watch the youngsters.
I'll pay you each $,
And you can watch your warrior program on the tv.
- Whoa.
She's gonna pay us money just to watch tv.
- Yeah. This is gonna be cool.
Ha-hoo!
- Just make sure they stay out of trouble
And are in bed by :.
I'll be back in a few hours.
[Chuckling]
- Hey, man. How's it going?
- You're not supposed to touch 'em, beavis.
It's, like, against the law or something.
- Oh. Oh, yeah.
- When me and heart att*ck boyak get into the ring,
We're gonna rip off his mask,
And we're gonna show the world who he really is.
- This is going to be the coolest thing we have ever seen.
- Yeah.
- These are my power fighters,
And this is their x- sonic night scope.
- That's stupid.
- Yeah.
Get out of the way, butt-munch. You're blocking the tv.
- This is my house, and I don't want to watch this.
- Uh. - Hey, what are you doing?
- [Babbling]
- Uh-huh.
- [Babbling]
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, check this out.
[Gibberish]
Hey, butt-head, this kid's pretty cool.
Check this out.
[Gibberish]
Caca poo poo.
- Settle down, beavis.
- You're supposed to feed the baby and put him to bed.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Here you go.
Booby booby.
- Are you stupid, beavis?
How's he gonna open that thing?
Dumbass.
- Oh, yeah.
[Metallic clanking]
Um, there you go.
Uh...
[Sniffing]
Uh, beavis...
[Coughs]
Did you cut the cheese?
- Um, I don't think so.
- The baby's diaper is dirty.
- Really?
That's cool.
- Yeah.
I'm telling you, butt-head, that kid kicks ass.
- Read me a story.
- No way.
You don't have to read if you're not in school, dude.
Don't you know anything?
No.
- No.
- No.
- These toys suck.
- Yeah, really.
They're for, like, little kids or something.
- Yeah.
Um...
Hey, butt-head, didn't that old chick, like,
Want us to do something?
- Uh...
I think she said we're supposed to, like, go to bed.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Um, and then she's gonna, like, pay us and stuff, right?
- Of course she is, butt-munch.
She better.
We're doing our jobs.
- The everything bag comes initialed
And includes four separate compartments
And a detachable key holder.
The everything bag comes in bone, tan, and black.
- [Belches]
- [Snoring]
- Hi, mommy.
- What in the hell are you doing still up?
[Sniffing]
Where are those two babysitters I left you with?
What are you doing? - What?
- Get out of my kids' beds.
- Uh, we're not done.
- Yeah. Just give me a few more hours.
- I'm giving you ten seconds to get out of those beds
And get the hell out of my house.
- Uh, what about our money?
- Oh, yeah.
And, um, we're gonna have to charge you a little extra,
Ma'am, because of the poop.
- Get out!
You're the worst damn babysitters I've ever seen.
- Damn it, beavis.
She was probably gonna pay us
Until you started blabbing about poop.
- Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
That's okay, though, because, um--
Because I left a little something in the bed.
- Cool.
- Poop!
[Bluesy rock music]
♪
[Both chuckling]
- Whoa, check it out.
- Yeah.
- You touch me, I shiver.
Your tongue, I quiver.
My loins, my liver.
I, the taker.
You, the giver.
- Whoa.
I've got something to give her.
- Yeah.
- Did you like my poem?
- Uh... Your what?
- Yeah, yeah.
Your loins, your liver, yeah.
- There's plenty more inside.
- Cool.
[Chuckling]
- And then, my friend,
You die.
[Louder] and then, my friend,
You die, man!
And then...
[Gasps]
My friend.
[Scattered applause]
- You die! Yeah.
- Thank you.
- That was cool.
- Thank you, omar.
Is there anyone who'd like to read now?
Any new blood?
- Check this out.
Uh...i got some rhymes for the house.
- What's your name, young brother?
- Uh... Butt-head.
- Cool.
Let's groove for a while with butt-head.
- Yeah.
[Scattered applause]
Groove with me, people.
[Chuckles]
This is gonna be cool.
- Um...i'm just gonna sit here, yeah.
- Yeah, man, take a load off.
- [Chuckles]
Take a load.
- Check this out.
Uh...
There once was a man from venus
With a rocket ship for a...a... Wiener.
- Yeah, yeah!
[Pounding table]
- Uh...okay, here's--
- Hi, what can I bring you guys?
- Um... - Here I sit--
- Uh, yeah, get me a triple amaretto cappuccino,
Low on the foam, a double sh*t,
And bring the man here one too, right?
- The phone is ringing, and I cannot linger.
So look out, butt,
Here comes my finger.
[Audience groaning]
And then, my friend, you die.
- Yeah, yeah! You die!
[Pounding table]
- That was cool.
- Um...um...
- Try it, man, come on. It's--it's cappuccino.
- [Chuckles] crappuccino? Crappuccino.
[Chuckles] yeah. - Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha.
- Yeah, copasetic, dialectic.
- Wahhh! Copasetic, copasetic!
Gimme that.
- This is a peepee--no.
- Hi, more cappuccino?
- I need crappuccino for my bunghole!
Gimme that!
[Chittering]
- Uh, I'll tell that one later.
- [Speaking gibberish]
[Bones creaking]
- There once was a lady from china
With a popsicle in her--
- Thanks, thanks, kid.
[Microphone feedback whines]
That was organic.
Let's give someone else a sh*t at the mic.
- [Chittering]
I am cornholio!
My bunghole will speak now!
Ah, hey.
Are you threatening me?
I must have more crappuccino for my bunghole.
Bungholio, bungholio.
[Slurping]
[Gibbering incoherently]
I am cornholio!
I need t.p. For my bunghole!
I want all your crappuccino!
- Do it, brother beavis.
- Are you threatening me?
You do not want to face the wrath of my bunghole.
My bunghole, it goes bungo.
Tungo, tungo, tungo. Tungo!
Rap-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa.
And one for you.
Parrrrr!
[Gulps]
- Hi, I run the multicultural poetry program
At the university.
Your friend is, uh, unusual. What is he?
Hispanic? Russian?
- Uh... Yeah, he's russian.
[Chuckles]
- Uh...hmm.
Amazing energy.
I'd love to see his portfolio.
- Portfolio? Folio, folio?
Arriba, arriba, yeah.
I come from lake titicaca.
- Hey, man, you been holding out on us.
Where'd you get all these crazy rhymes?
- Would you like to see my portfolio?
I have a portfolio in my bunghole with my oleo.
- Wow, this is groundbreaking stuff, man.
- [Gibbering]
[Groaning]
Thud!
[Microphone feedback whines]
Hey, how's it goin'? Oh, yeah.
Um, roses are--no, um...
Heh. Oh, I know.
Uh... Here I sit brokenhearted.
I pay the quarter--
You got a quarter?
- Well, his minutes of fame are over.
I guess nobody can keep up that kind of intensity.
- Wait, I want more. Man, he's not done.
Alfons.
Bring my boy another cappuccino, a quadruple.
- Quarter, pay the dime...
- Yeah, leave the pot.
- Oh. Thanks.
Yeah.
[Slurping]
Yep.
[Mug clinking]
[Slurping]
Mmm.
[Gibbering incoherently]
Yeah!
I am the great cornholio!
You have awakened my bunghole!
And now you must pay!
[Chittering]
The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers!
[Chuckles]
That would be cool.
[Gibbering]
[Chuckling]
[Bluesy rock music]
♪
- Isn't this the same place that those other kids
Got k*lled two years ago?
- Don't be crazy, tina.
You act like you don't even want to get it on.
[Chain saw buzzing]
Ahhhhh!
[Chuckling]
- That dude with the mask is messed up.
- Yeah, really.
He didn't even wait for that chick to take off her shirt.
- Yeah.
It's, like, this could never happen in real life.
[Doorbell rings]
Damn it.
That's, like, the tenth time tonight, or something.
[Doorbell ringing repeatedly]
- Um, maybe we should see who it is.
- Uh, oh, yeah.
Together: trick or treat.
- Cool.
- Um, who was that?
- Just some dudes passing out free samples.
- Cool. Free samples rule, yeah.
[Banging at door]
- You take my kids' candy, and I kick your ass.
- Ugh! - Ah!
- Oof! [Coughing]
- Happy halloween.
- Uh...
"Ween."
- Yeah.
[Both chuckling and coughing]
That sucks that we're, like, too old to get candy.
- No way, beavis.
There aren't any laws about halloween.
- Really? Cool.
[Doorbell rings]
- Um, can I help you?
- Uh, yeah, we need some candy.
- Yeah, give us some of that,
Come on.
- Fellas, you're a little old for this,
And I really think you ought to have costumes.
- Um, are you sure there's no laws, butt-head?
- Uh...
Let's switch sides, dude.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
[Doorbell rings]
- Come on, I mean it, no costumes, no candy.
- This sucks.
- Yeah. Eh! Eh!
[Chuckling]
- Um, these sheets smell funny.
- Yeah.
These are my special monkey sheets.
- Ah, damn it! Get it off me!
Ah! Ahh! Ah!
[Chuckling]
- Uh...
Uh...
You've got your head up your butt.
- No way. Check it out.
I'm a nad. Get it? See?
A big old nad.
- You're a dumbass.
Whoa, I got it.
[Chuckling]
- Hi, I'm a nad.
No, wait, um, "hi, I'm a nad."
[Chuckles]
How's it going?
Can I have some candy, please?
I'm a nad.
- Um, whoa, cool.
Well, um, what are you supposed to be?
- Uh...
Guess.
Uhh-uhh.
- Whoa.
[Chuckling]
I'm nachos.
- Yeah, that's cool.
We should do this all the time.
- Ween. - Yeah.
[Chuckling]
[Doorbell rings]
Together: trick or treat.
- Yeah.
- Hello, kemosabes.
Got something for you right over here.
Ah-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
- Check it out, I'm nachos.
- Yeah, yeah, I'm a nad.
Get it? See?
- I there, white ranger.
There you go, young fella, ah-heh-heh-heh.
There you go, and one for you too,
Ah-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
Happy halloween, and remember,
Satan wears disguises too.
- Hey, you forgot our candy.
- Boys, these pamphlets will make
For some scary halloween readin'.
- Uh... - Um.
- What?
- You know, most boys your age don't go trick-or-treatin'.
- Yeah. Some kids are stupid.
- Yeah, yeah, really.
- What a dumbass.
- Yeah, yeah, damn son of a bitch.
[Doorbell rings]
- Uh, hey, baby.
- Yeah, yeah, hey, baby, I'm a nad.
- Oh, sh**t, boys, stewart just left.
- Uh, we don't want stewart. We want some candy.
- Now, come on, I'm saving that for the trick-or-treaters.
Maybe you can catch up with him.
He's with his youth group.
- Damn it, this is starting to piss me off.
- Yeah, it's, like, I got all dressed up as a nad,
And it's, like, no one's given me any candy.
[Doorbell rings]
Um, hi, I'm a nad, and I need some candy for, like,
Poor people and stuff, yeah.
- Well, beavis, all I have are some organic walnut clusters
And these "my other car is a bike" bumper stickers.
- Uh...
- Um.
- Uh, I'll take the sticker.
- Um, yeah, me too, yeah.
- Okay, guys, happy hunting.
- Butthole.
Damn it.
We need to find, like, a stupid dude to give us some candy.
- Whoa...
That's a good idea.
[Chuckling]
- Yeah.
- Now, what in the hell are you boys supposed to be?
- [Chuckles]
I'm a nad.
- I'm a dumbass.
Check it out.
Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
- Yeah.
- Uh, can we just, like, have some candy?
- Yeah, yeah, really.
[Telephone rings]
- Well, now, hold on a minute.
- Tom?
- Well, john thomas, how long's it been?
- [Speaking indistinctly] - that long, huh?
[Chuckling]
- My, my. Oh, sure, I got d*ck's number.
Hold on a minute. I've got to rummage it out...
[Chuckling]
- Yeah.
- Uh...
- Well, you don't say.
Yeah, I've got some trick-or-treaters here.
Uh, yeah, I know.
- Uh, hey, give me some, butt-munch.
- Ahh! No way. Get out of here.
- Settle down.
[Doorbell buzzes]
- Trick or treat.
- Ahhhhhh!
- Hmm, um, I tell you what,
Why don't we go to another house, okay?
Yeah, this is not a good one, yeah.
- Ahhhhh!
Ahh! Ahhh!
Ahhhh!
- Okay, john, good talkin' to ya.
Now, where was i?
Oh, right, I was gonna give you boys some candy.
What in the hell?
- Ahhhh!
Ooh-aaah! Ahhh!
- Hey. Hey, now, damn it.
Get the hell out of my house, boy.
- [Chuckles]
- Well, you're welcome, you damn, ungrateful bastards.
- Yeah, really.
That bastard didn't let me have any.
- Aah-eee-ooooh,
Aah-eee-ahh-oooh.
- I'm the great pumpkin.
Who are you supposed to be?
- I am cornholio!
I need t.p. For my bunghole.
Yeah.
You will give me all your caca.
Ooooh, oooooh, ahhhhh.
I have no bunghole. I am bungholio.
- Get the hell off my property, you son of a bitch.
- Ahh-ahh-ahh-aaahh.
- No way, stewart. What if your mom finds out?
- She won't find out.
Besides, this year, I'm really gonna t.p. Something.
- Oooh-dom-dom-dom, errr, ahhhh!
Oooh, ahhh, t.p.
You must give me your t.p.
- G-gosh, beavis, ha-ha, you scared me.
- Trick or treat, son of a bitch!
Hm-hm-arrrgh.
- Come on, beavis, I know it's you.
- Ah! - Is he on dope?
- Give me your t.p.!
- Okay, okay, take it easy, man.
- Raaaaah! Hm-hm-hm, yeah.
You will not be safe from the almighty bunghole.
I am cornholio.
Bunghole.
- Damn it, beavis, come back here with that bag.
You owe me, bungwipe.
- Ahhh, rolio,
Rolios for my bunghole.
Oooh.
Ooooh.
- [Speaking hyper gibberish]
Gada-ga-ho for my bunghole.
I am cornholio.
I need rolios for my bunghole.
- Beavis, get back here with that candy
Before I kick your ass.
[Car engine revving]
Whoa, todd.
[Tires screeching]
- Hey, man, move your ass out of the street.
- Are you threatening me?
- What did you say, punk?
- Do not underestimate the power of the almighty bunghole,
Ahhhh-waaah.
- This is messed up, man.
- Oh, you think this is funny?
- Uh, yeah.
So, like, uh, can I come with you guys?
Let's go kick some ass.
- Yeah, okay.
Let's take this little turd out into the country.
- Uh!
Ugh!
[Engine revving]
[Tires squealing]
- You cannot escape the almighty bunghole.
Run as you may.
You cannot escape... Bungholio.
[Speaking hyper gibberish]
You cannot run from your own bunghole.
- Gosh, dad, this graveyard sure is spooky.
- [Speaking hyper gibberish]
Wow, here lies the great bunghole.
- Did you hear something, dad?
- Oh, god. I'm frightened.
- Come on, it's just the wind.
- Or a ghost. - Ahh!
I am cornholio... - Daddy!
- Guardian of the great bunghole.
- Honey, let's go.
- You must give me your candy.
I need rolios for my bunghole.
A-a-all right, just do as he says.
Put down your bag.
- No, I don't want to give him my candy, no.
- Just put your bag down, son.
We'll buy you some more tomorrow.
- No.
- Come on, put down your bag and run.
- No, no.
- Aaah, rolio,
Rolios for my bunghole.
[Engine revving]
[Tires screeching]
- Uh-uh...
That was cool.
Uh, so what are we gonna do now?
- I don't know, man.
- Uh...
Uh, uh-oh.
- Yeah, yeah.
Mm-mm-mm-mm, aahhhh.
Arr-arrh-ehh-aahhh...
I am cornholio.
Rah-holiooooo....
Rah-holiooooo...
Bungholiooooo.
I have no bunghole.
I have no bunghoooolio.
I am the great cornholio,
The almighty bunghole...
The great, almighty,
One-and-only bungholiooooo.
I have no bunghole.
I have cornholio in my bunghole.
That was pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah.
I am cornholio.
Have you seen the almighty bunghole?
Lead me to the almighty bunghole.
- Oooh, get in that barn, boy,
Ah-ha-ha-ha-hooo.
- Do you have candy? Do you have t.p.?
- Ha-ha-ha-ho, oh, yeah.
Ooooh, ooh-ho-ho-ho,
I got lots of goodies in the barn.
Ha-ha-ha, ah-ha-ha, yeah, ooh.
Take a looksie, ho-ho-ho, oh-ho.
- In this barn there will be t.p.
And candy for my bunghole.
- [Laughs creepily]
- Err...
Hm, ow.
H-hey, hey, what's going on?
[Chickens clucking]
Whoa, cool.
Ow.
Hey, what is this thing? This hurts.
Ow!
- [Laughing creepily]
- [Chuckling]
[Haunting music]
♪
- Hey, butt-head, come on, get me down,
And we'll go get some more candy.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, butt-head, let's get out of here.
- Well, there's a time to reap and a time to sow.
[Chain saws buzzing]
- This is gonna be cool.
- Oh-ho, yeah.
This is liable to get messy.
- Butt-head... Come on, butt-head.
Come on, butt-head.
Ah!
- Ooh, chill, son. It's not funny.
- No!
Ahhhhh!
[Dramatic music]
♪
[Bluesy rock music]
♪
[Knocks on door]
- Is there, like, a reward for your kids?
- What are you talking about?
- Yeah. We found 'em.
- What do you mean?
They were just playing in the yard.
- Uh, no they weren't.
They were, like, out on the sidewalk.
- Yeah, they were just, like, wandering around and stuff,
But--you know, but they're all safe now,
So, um, can we have some money?
- Yeah.
Could we, like, just have some money for our troubles?
- Well, if you boys need money that bad,
Maybe you can watch the kids for me.
What are you boys doing tonight?
- We're gonna watch tournament of warriors .
It's gonna rule.
- Well, their dad's in town and wants to meet me,
But I can't leave without someone to watch the youngsters.
I'll pay you each $,
And you can watch your warrior program on the tv.
- Whoa.
She's gonna pay us money just to watch tv.
- Yeah. This is gonna be cool.
Ha-hoo!
- Just make sure they stay out of trouble
And are in bed by :.
I'll be back in a few hours.
[Chuckling]
- Hey, man. How's it going?
- You're not supposed to touch 'em, beavis.
It's, like, against the law or something.
- Oh. Oh, yeah.
- When me and heart att*ck boyak get into the ring,
We're gonna rip off his mask,
And we're gonna show the world who he really is.
- This is going to be the coolest thing we have ever seen.
- Yeah.
- These are my power fighters,
And this is their x- sonic night scope.
- That's stupid.
- Yeah.
Get out of the way, butt-munch. You're blocking the tv.
- This is my house, and I don't want to watch this.
- Uh. - Hey, what are you doing?
- [Babbling]
- Uh-huh.
- [Babbling]
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, check this out.
[Gibberish]
Hey, butt-head, this kid's pretty cool.
Check this out.
[Gibberish]
Caca poo poo.
- Settle down, beavis.
- You're supposed to feed the baby and put him to bed.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Here you go.
Booby booby.
- Are you stupid, beavis?
How's he gonna open that thing?
Dumbass.
- Oh, yeah.
[Metallic clanking]
Um, there you go.
Uh...
[Sniffing]
Uh, beavis...
[Coughs]
Did you cut the cheese?
- Um, I don't think so.
- The baby's diaper is dirty.
- Really?
That's cool.
- Yeah.
I'm telling you, butt-head, that kid kicks ass.
- Read me a story.
- No way.
You don't have to read if you're not in school, dude.
Don't you know anything?
No.
- No.
- No.
- These toys suck.
- Yeah, really.
They're for, like, little kids or something.
- Yeah.
Um...
Hey, butt-head, didn't that old chick, like,
Want us to do something?
- Uh...
I think she said we're supposed to, like, go to bed.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Um, and then she's gonna, like, pay us and stuff, right?
- Of course she is, butt-munch.
She better.
We're doing our jobs.
- The everything bag comes initialed
And includes four separate compartments
And a detachable key holder.
The everything bag comes in bone, tan, and black.
- [Belches]
- [Snoring]
- Hi, mommy.
- What in the hell are you doing still up?
[Sniffing]
Where are those two babysitters I left you with?
What are you doing? - What?
- Get out of my kids' beds.
- Uh, we're not done.
- Yeah. Just give me a few more hours.
- I'm giving you ten seconds to get out of those beds
And get the hell out of my house.
- Uh, what about our money?
- Oh, yeah.
And, um, we're gonna have to charge you a little extra,
Ma'am, because of the poop.
- Get out!
You're the worst damn babysitters I've ever seen.
- Damn it, beavis.
She was probably gonna pay us
Until you started blabbing about poop.
- Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
That's okay, though, because, um--
Because I left a little something in the bed.
- Cool.
- Poop!
[Bluesy rock music]
♪
[Both chuckling]
- Whoa, check it out.
- Yeah.
- You touch me, I shiver.
Your tongue, I quiver.
My loins, my liver.
I, the taker.
You, the giver.
- Whoa.
I've got something to give her.
- Yeah.
- Did you like my poem?
- Uh... Your what?
- Yeah, yeah.
Your loins, your liver, yeah.
- There's plenty more inside.
- Cool.
[Chuckling]
- And then, my friend,
You die.
[Louder] and then, my friend,
You die, man!
And then...
[Gasps]
My friend.
[Scattered applause]
- You die! Yeah.
- Thank you.
- That was cool.
- Thank you, omar.
Is there anyone who'd like to read now?
Any new blood?
- Check this out.
Uh...i got some rhymes for the house.
- What's your name, young brother?
- Uh... Butt-head.
- Cool.
Let's groove for a while with butt-head.
- Yeah.
[Scattered applause]
Groove with me, people.
[Chuckles]
This is gonna be cool.
- Um...i'm just gonna sit here, yeah.
- Yeah, man, take a load off.
- [Chuckles]
Take a load.
- Check this out.
Uh...
There once was a man from venus
With a rocket ship for a...a... Wiener.
- Yeah, yeah!
[Pounding table]
- Uh...okay, here's--
- Hi, what can I bring you guys?
- Um... - Here I sit--
- Uh, yeah, get me a triple amaretto cappuccino,
Low on the foam, a double sh*t,
And bring the man here one too, right?
- The phone is ringing, and I cannot linger.
So look out, butt,
Here comes my finger.
[Audience groaning]
And then, my friend, you die.
- Yeah, yeah! You die!
[Pounding table]
- That was cool.
- Um...um...
- Try it, man, come on. It's--it's cappuccino.
- [Chuckles] crappuccino? Crappuccino.
[Chuckles] yeah. - Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha.
- Yeah, copasetic, dialectic.
- Wahhh! Copasetic, copasetic!
Gimme that.
- This is a peepee--no.
- Hi, more cappuccino?
- I need crappuccino for my bunghole!
Gimme that!
[Chittering]
- Uh, I'll tell that one later.
- [Speaking gibberish]
[Bones creaking]
- There once was a lady from china
With a popsicle in her--
- Thanks, thanks, kid.
[Microphone feedback whines]
That was organic.
Let's give someone else a sh*t at the mic.
- [Chittering]
I am cornholio!
My bunghole will speak now!
Ah, hey.
Are you threatening me?
I must have more crappuccino for my bunghole.
Bungholio, bungholio.
[Slurping]
[Gibbering incoherently]
I am cornholio!
I need t.p. For my bunghole!
I want all your crappuccino!
- Do it, brother beavis.
- Are you threatening me?
You do not want to face the wrath of my bunghole.
My bunghole, it goes bungo.
Tungo, tungo, tungo. Tungo!
Rap-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa.
And one for you.
Parrrrr!
[Gulps]
- Hi, I run the multicultural poetry program
At the university.
Your friend is, uh, unusual. What is he?
Hispanic? Russian?
- Uh... Yeah, he's russian.
[Chuckles]
- Uh...hmm.
Amazing energy.
I'd love to see his portfolio.
- Portfolio? Folio, folio?
Arriba, arriba, yeah.
I come from lake titicaca.
- Hey, man, you been holding out on us.
Where'd you get all these crazy rhymes?
- Would you like to see my portfolio?
I have a portfolio in my bunghole with my oleo.
- Wow, this is groundbreaking stuff, man.
- [Gibbering]
[Groaning]
Thud!
[Microphone feedback whines]
Hey, how's it goin'? Oh, yeah.
Um, roses are--no, um...
Heh. Oh, I know.
Uh... Here I sit brokenhearted.
I pay the quarter--
You got a quarter?
- Well, his minutes of fame are over.
I guess nobody can keep up that kind of intensity.
- Wait, I want more. Man, he's not done.
Alfons.
Bring my boy another cappuccino, a quadruple.
- Quarter, pay the dime...
- Yeah, leave the pot.
- Oh. Thanks.
Yeah.
[Slurping]
Yep.
[Mug clinking]
[Slurping]
Mmm.
[Gibbering incoherently]
Yeah!
I am the great cornholio!
You have awakened my bunghole!
And now you must pay!
[Chittering]
The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers!
[Chuckles]
That would be cool.
[Gibbering]
[Chuckling]
[Bluesy rock music]
♪
- Isn't this the same place that those other kids
Got k*lled two years ago?
- Don't be crazy, tina.
You act like you don't even want to get it on.
[Chain saw buzzing]
Ahhhhh!
[Chuckling]
- That dude with the mask is messed up.
- Yeah, really.
He didn't even wait for that chick to take off her shirt.
- Yeah.
It's, like, this could never happen in real life.
[Doorbell rings]
Damn it.
That's, like, the tenth time tonight, or something.
[Doorbell ringing repeatedly]
- Um, maybe we should see who it is.
- Uh, oh, yeah.
Together: trick or treat.
- Cool.
- Um, who was that?
- Just some dudes passing out free samples.
- Cool. Free samples rule, yeah.
[Banging at door]
- You take my kids' candy, and I kick your ass.
- Ugh! - Ah!
- Oof! [Coughing]
- Happy halloween.
- Uh...
"Ween."
- Yeah.
[Both chuckling and coughing]
That sucks that we're, like, too old to get candy.
- No way, beavis.
There aren't any laws about halloween.
- Really? Cool.
[Doorbell rings]
- Um, can I help you?
- Uh, yeah, we need some candy.
- Yeah, give us some of that,
Come on.
- Fellas, you're a little old for this,
And I really think you ought to have costumes.
- Um, are you sure there's no laws, butt-head?
- Uh...
Let's switch sides, dude.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
[Doorbell rings]
- Come on, I mean it, no costumes, no candy.
- This sucks.
- Yeah. Eh! Eh!
[Chuckling]
- Um, these sheets smell funny.
- Yeah.
These are my special monkey sheets.
- Ah, damn it! Get it off me!
Ah! Ahh! Ah!
[Chuckling]
- Uh...
Uh...
You've got your head up your butt.
- No way. Check it out.
I'm a nad. Get it? See?
A big old nad.
- You're a dumbass.
Whoa, I got it.
[Chuckling]
- Hi, I'm a nad.
No, wait, um, "hi, I'm a nad."
[Chuckles]
How's it going?
Can I have some candy, please?
I'm a nad.
- Um, whoa, cool.
Well, um, what are you supposed to be?
- Uh...
Guess.
Uhh-uhh.
- Whoa.
[Chuckling]
I'm nachos.
- Yeah, that's cool.
We should do this all the time.
- Ween. - Yeah.
[Chuckling]
[Doorbell rings]
Together: trick or treat.
- Yeah.
- Hello, kemosabes.
Got something for you right over here.
Ah-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
- Check it out, I'm nachos.
- Yeah, yeah, I'm a nad.
Get it? See?
- I there, white ranger.
There you go, young fella, ah-heh-heh-heh.
There you go, and one for you too,
Ah-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
Happy halloween, and remember,
Satan wears disguises too.
- Hey, you forgot our candy.
- Boys, these pamphlets will make
For some scary halloween readin'.
- Uh... - Um.
- What?
- You know, most boys your age don't go trick-or-treatin'.
- Yeah. Some kids are stupid.
- Yeah, yeah, really.
- What a dumbass.
- Yeah, yeah, damn son of a bitch.
[Doorbell rings]
- Uh, hey, baby.
- Yeah, yeah, hey, baby, I'm a nad.
- Oh, sh**t, boys, stewart just left.
- Uh, we don't want stewart. We want some candy.
- Now, come on, I'm saving that for the trick-or-treaters.
Maybe you can catch up with him.
He's with his youth group.
- Damn it, this is starting to piss me off.
- Yeah, it's, like, I got all dressed up as a nad,
And it's, like, no one's given me any candy.
[Doorbell rings]
Um, hi, I'm a nad, and I need some candy for, like,
Poor people and stuff, yeah.
- Well, beavis, all I have are some organic walnut clusters
And these "my other car is a bike" bumper stickers.
- Uh...
- Um.
- Uh, I'll take the sticker.
- Um, yeah, me too, yeah.
- Okay, guys, happy hunting.
- Butthole.
Damn it.
We need to find, like, a stupid dude to give us some candy.
- Whoa...
That's a good idea.
[Chuckling]
- Yeah.
- Now, what in the hell are you boys supposed to be?
- [Chuckles]
I'm a nad.
- I'm a dumbass.
Check it out.
Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
- Yeah.
- Uh, can we just, like, have some candy?
- Yeah, yeah, really.
[Telephone rings]
- Well, now, hold on a minute.
- Tom?
- Well, john thomas, how long's it been?
- [Speaking indistinctly] - that long, huh?
[Chuckling]
- My, my. Oh, sure, I got d*ck's number.
Hold on a minute. I've got to rummage it out...
[Chuckling]
- Yeah.
- Uh...
- Well, you don't say.
Yeah, I've got some trick-or-treaters here.
Uh, yeah, I know.
- Uh, hey, give me some, butt-munch.
- Ahh! No way. Get out of here.
- Settle down.
[Doorbell buzzes]
- Trick or treat.
- Ahhhhhh!
- Hmm, um, I tell you what,
Why don't we go to another house, okay?
Yeah, this is not a good one, yeah.
- Ahhhhh!
Ahh! Ahhh!
Ahhhh!
- Okay, john, good talkin' to ya.
Now, where was i?
Oh, right, I was gonna give you boys some candy.
What in the hell?
- Ahhhh!
Ooh-aaah! Ahhh!
- Hey. Hey, now, damn it.
Get the hell out of my house, boy.
- [Chuckles]
- Well, you're welcome, you damn, ungrateful bastards.
- Yeah, really.
That bastard didn't let me have any.
- Aah-eee-ooooh,
Aah-eee-ahh-oooh.
- I'm the great pumpkin.
Who are you supposed to be?
- I am cornholio!
I need t.p. For my bunghole.
Yeah.
You will give me all your caca.
Ooooh, oooooh, ahhhhh.
I have no bunghole. I am bungholio.
- Get the hell off my property, you son of a bitch.
- Ahh-ahh-ahh-aaahh.
- No way, stewart. What if your mom finds out?
- She won't find out.
Besides, this year, I'm really gonna t.p. Something.
- Oooh-dom-dom-dom, errr, ahhhh!
Oooh, ahhh, t.p.
You must give me your t.p.
- G-gosh, beavis, ha-ha, you scared me.
- Trick or treat, son of a bitch!
Hm-hm-arrrgh.
- Come on, beavis, I know it's you.
- Ah! - Is he on dope?
- Give me your t.p.!
- Okay, okay, take it easy, man.
- Raaaaah! Hm-hm-hm, yeah.
You will not be safe from the almighty bunghole.
I am cornholio.
Bunghole.
- Damn it, beavis, come back here with that bag.
You owe me, bungwipe.
- Ahhh, rolio,
Rolios for my bunghole.
Oooh.
Ooooh.
- [Speaking hyper gibberish]
Gada-ga-ho for my bunghole.
I am cornholio.
I need rolios for my bunghole.
- Beavis, get back here with that candy
Before I kick your ass.
[Car engine revving]
Whoa, todd.
[Tires screeching]
- Hey, man, move your ass out of the street.
- Are you threatening me?
- What did you say, punk?
- Do not underestimate the power of the almighty bunghole,
Ahhhh-waaah.
- This is messed up, man.
- Oh, you think this is funny?
- Uh, yeah.
So, like, uh, can I come with you guys?
Let's go kick some ass.
- Yeah, okay.
Let's take this little turd out into the country.
- Uh!
Ugh!
[Engine revving]
[Tires squealing]
- You cannot escape the almighty bunghole.
Run as you may.
You cannot escape... Bungholio.
[Speaking hyper gibberish]
You cannot run from your own bunghole.
- Gosh, dad, this graveyard sure is spooky.
- [Speaking hyper gibberish]
Wow, here lies the great bunghole.
- Did you hear something, dad?
- Oh, god. I'm frightened.
- Come on, it's just the wind.
- Or a ghost. - Ahh!
I am cornholio... - Daddy!
- Guardian of the great bunghole.
- Honey, let's go.
- You must give me your candy.
I need rolios for my bunghole.
A-a-all right, just do as he says.
Put down your bag.
- No, I don't want to give him my candy, no.
- Just put your bag down, son.
We'll buy you some more tomorrow.
- No.
- Come on, put down your bag and run.
- No, no.
- Aaah, rolio,
Rolios for my bunghole.
[Engine revving]
[Tires screeching]
- Uh-uh...
That was cool.
Uh, so what are we gonna do now?
- I don't know, man.
- Uh...
Uh, uh-oh.
- Yeah, yeah.
Mm-mm-mm-mm, aahhhh.
Arr-arrh-ehh-aahhh...
I am cornholio.
Rah-holiooooo....
Rah-holiooooo...
Bungholiooooo.
I have no bunghole.
I have no bunghoooolio.
I am the great cornholio,
The almighty bunghole...
The great, almighty,
One-and-only bungholiooooo.
I have no bunghole.
I have cornholio in my bunghole.
That was pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah.
I am cornholio.
Have you seen the almighty bunghole?
Lead me to the almighty bunghole.
- Oooh, get in that barn, boy,
Ah-ha-ha-ha-hooo.
- Do you have candy? Do you have t.p.?
- Ha-ha-ha-ho, oh, yeah.
Ooooh, ooh-ho-ho-ho,
I got lots of goodies in the barn.
Ha-ha-ha, ah-ha-ha, yeah, ooh.
Take a looksie, ho-ho-ho, oh-ho.
- In this barn there will be t.p.
And candy for my bunghole.
- [Laughs creepily]
- Err...
Hm, ow.
H-hey, hey, what's going on?
[Chickens clucking]
Whoa, cool.
Ow.
Hey, what is this thing? This hurts.
Ow!
- [Laughing creepily]
- [Chuckling]
[Haunting music]
♪
- Hey, butt-head, come on, get me down,
And we'll go get some more candy.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, butt-head, let's get out of here.
- Well, there's a time to reap and a time to sow.
[Chain saws buzzing]
- This is gonna be cool.
- Oh-ho, yeah.
This is liable to get messy.
- Butt-head... Come on, butt-head.
Come on, butt-head.
Ah!
- Ooh, chill, son. It's not funny.
- No!
Ahhhhh!
[Dramatic music]
♪