01x11 - The Princess and the Everlasting Emerald: A Royal Woods Fairytale (Part 1)

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Come on!

It's picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud house ♪

♪ Really Loud house ♪

[pleasant music]

- Read me a bedtime story, Lincoln.

- Okay, Lily.

- How about "Wake Up Moon"?

- Mm, no.

- How about "Who Needs to Fart?"

- [farts] - [sniffs]

Ohh. You already got that one covered, huh?

- Yeah. - All right, Lily.

I'll read you a new book.

Do you like fairy tales?

- Of course.

- Okay.

"The Princess and the Everlasting Emerald."

- Yay!

"There once was a boy from Royal Woods

named Lincoln."

- You're Lincoln.

- That's right, Lily.

"And the boy fell in love

"with a beautiful princess named Charlie

who came from a faraway land called Tennessee."

- Princess. - "But the princess

"fancied a different boy from Royal Woods

named Rusty."

- Aww.

"But soon, young Lincoln won the heart of the princess,

and they became the toast of Royal Woods."

- They have crowns! Yay!

- "They had never been so happy.

But then, Princess Charlie had some terrible news."

♪ ♪

- I don't know how to tell you this, Lincoln,

but I'm moving back to Tennessee.

I'm leaving.

Tomorrow.

I guess I did know how to tell you.

- She's leaving?

- Yep. She was leaving forever,

and he'd never see her again.

- Oh, no!

- "So there was only one thing left for young Lincoln to do.

Lincoln, and his most faithful companion, Clyde McBride..."

- Clyde McBride!

- Yeah. "Ran clear across Royal Woods

to a place called Flip's Food & Fuel..."

- Flip.

♪ ♪

- "To get the one thing that would

keep Princess Charlie from forgetting."

How much for the Everlasting Emerald?

[shimmering tone] "The Everlasting Emerald,

the most priceless gem in the land."

- $,.

- Would you accept cents and a lint ball?

- And a Lincoln head penny.

- Isn't that just a penny?

- You're blowing this.

- Prices have gone up, boys.

Flip's fallen on hard times.

Looks like I'm gonna lose the store.

Not even my lucky $ bill can get me out of this one.

This is the first $ I ever made in this store.

That's why it's so lucky.

[register dings] Ohh!

[grunts]

Ooh.

Wait a minute.

Lincoln, you're the only one that can help me.

If you help me save Flip's,

the emerald's all yours.

- We're in.

There's nothing I can't do without my best friend, Clyde.

- [whispering indistinctly]

- Really, Clyde? Birdwatching?

- Someone spotted a spruce grouse

at Tall Timber Park.

I can't miss that.

- [sighs] Okay. I'm in.

[upbeat rock music]

- First order of business,

we gotta go talk to your parents.

♪ ♪

- Why?

- You'll see, Lily.

The story's just beginning.

"Across town, the boy's father was very excited

about his favorite time of the year."

- Hey, hon, it's Charity Week!

Let us get ready

to humble-la-la-la-la-la-la-ly

give back to our community! [chuckles]

That sounded so much better in my head.

- Didn't it? - Yeah.

- [laughs] It's Charity Week already?

- Sure is! Why do you think I'm wearing this dope uniform?

Figure I'll go get Lynn,

we'll go down to the youth center

and teach those little pipsqueaks a thing or two

about America's favorite pastime.

Ah! I'm gonna go get her.

- Touchdown!

- That's the wrong sport, honey.

Throw on your uniform, we'll do a little

pitch, catch, slide, hit, bunt--all the classics.

We'll even teach 'em how to spit sunflower seeds.

[spitting] [chuckles] What do you say?

Just me and my number one girl.

- I've got a soccer tournament, Pops.

But maybe you could try-- - Luan! My number one girl.

What do you say? You and me?

A little "Who's On First?"

for the old folks at Sunset Canyon?

- Sorry, Dad. I'm doing an open mic night

at Mike's House of Mics. - [sighs]

Luna!

My number one--

- Sorry, but I've got a gig

at the Burnt Bean.

But it's nice to know I'm your number one girl.

- [sighs] - [playing guitar lick]

- Did you just play me out?

Yeah.

Luna's got a gig,

Lily's spending the weekend with Pop Pop,

and Lola's got a pageant.

I mean, am I the only one

who cares about Charity Week anymore?

- Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

The kids are getting older.

Their lives are getting busier.

- Yeah, I know. It just feels like

all those family traditions are just falling away.

Movie Night,

Dance Battle Night, Costume Night.

You know, our costume box is buried

in the back of our garage.

I had to fight a raccoon just to get this on.

[sighs] And don't get me started on "Charades."

Everybody knows that's my favorite.

- You do love "Charades." - Yeah.

Hon, why do the kids have to grow up?

- Aww, slugger.

Well, you still have half a dozen or so

available for your needs. - Hm.

- And when they're all grown up,

I get you all to myself.

- Mm. - Muah.

[both laugh]

- It's Charity Week!

Let's get ready to give

and be humble-la-la-la-la-ble!

- That's what I was going for. What do you got?

- Okay, so what if I told you in Royal Woods

there was the saddest guy in the whole world?

- I'm listening.

- He's super down on his luck. - I like it.

- And he needs your help. - Sold!

To the boy in the orange sweatshirt.

Who is it?

- How ya doin', Louds?

- Nope.

- Yep. - Flip!

- "Flip was known as many things

in the land of Royal Woods."

A con man, a merchant of expired goods..."

- That's a wax apple.

- "And a buffoon."

- Flip likes 'em firm.

- I'm good.

- Uhh--

Uh--uh--Lincoln told us that, uh--

that you needed some help.

- Oh. A small favor.

- Small.

- I need to pretend I'm married to your wife

and that I sired all your children.

[dramatic music]

- We can explain.

- Everyone in Royal Woods knows me

as the devilishly handsome man behind the counter

at Flip's Food & Fuel.

- He's gorgeous.

- Who they don't know is my less handsome,

more successful brother,

Walter Phillipini.

- Wait, you don't own Flip's?

- I was born to run Flip's.

- Nobody's better. - Unfortunately,

I ran it straight into the ground.

- Nobody's perfect.

- I had to borrow money from my brother,

but I couldn't tell him the reason why,

or he'd bulldoze Flip's into a parking lot.

- Very sad.

- So I wrote some letters and told him

the reason I needed the money

was because of my beautiful wife and kids,

AKA you guys.

- Wait, why are there only five kids in that photo?

- We have children.

- Yeah, kids seems irresponsible,

even for old Flip.

So I rounded it down to five.

- Took it down to five.

- Please, don't pop out any more

before he arrives.

- That's not how it works.

Right, honey?

That's not how it works.

- Long story short, my brother's on his way here

and he wants to have dinner with the pretend family

he's been supporting all these years.

And if finds out the whole thing's a sham,

well, then it's goodbye, Flip's.

The place I love more than anything in the world

will be gone forever.

[somber music]

- You weren't kiddin'.

This really is sad.

Nice find, Linc!

What do you say, Mom, huh?

I'm pretending that he's my husband

and the father of my children?

- Yeah.

- [sighs]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

It's just one dinner?

- One dinner. - One dinner.

- Okay, I'm in.

- Whoo! Yes! - Yes! [laughs]

- I'm gonna go get ready.

- Well, looks like Charity Week

has officially begun!

- I'm gonna have to borrow some fancy dinner duds.

I'm a relaxed.

[upbeat music]

- "Unfortunately, Flip didn't know

his fake family as well as he thought he did."

- [whistling]

All right, my brother's gonna be here soon,

so we all gotta get our seating assignments.

Lisa, you're gonna sit here.

- I'm Leni. - Wha--I thought you were

the scientist. - Umm, no.

- Okay, um, Luan,

now, you're gonna sit here

and bring that hilarious dummy of yours with you.

- Hiss.

- She's Lucy. You're the dummy.

- Don't talk to your father that way, Leni.

- That's Lisa.

- And this is a disaster.

- I thought you were the fashion girl.

- This has grown tiresome.

- Look, I don't have any time for this.

You're the fashion girl, you're the scientist,

you're the comedian, and you're the pageant queen,

and you are my doting, faithful wife.

Now, go! Get into character!

- Ah! This is so much fun. What character am I?

I could be the crazy uncle, the wacky neighbor--

I have a very wide range.

- The character you're gonna play

is the guy who's not involved.

There can only be one dad, and it's me.

- [sighs]

Ah! Ah! Gah!

But I don't wanna miss the start of Charity Week!

- Charity Week can't start until you vamoose.

- Yeah, well, I just wanna contribute.

I'll do anything!

- I already let you make dinner.

- Ohh.

[struggling efforts] Stop!

- Help me out here, kid.

- Lincoln! Lincoln, no!

♪ ♪

- Do you want that emerald or not?

- "So the young boy had to choose

between his father and the girl that he loved."

- What did you do?

- I'm sorry, Dad.

- Lincoln Albert Loud, don't you dare!

I gotta-- [laughs] Whoo!

[thudding]

Oh! Please! Oh! Ohh! [crashing]

[groans] Why am I so ticklish?

- I'm proud of ya, son.

[doorbell dings]

Hello, Walter.

- Hello, Phillip.

♪ ♪

- Welcome to my humble home.

This is my son, Lincoln.

- Ah, yes, the young gentleman with the plan.

I heard so much about you in Phillip's letters.

Your teeth look stupendous.

The money I sent for those braces was well spent.

- Well, life is like a mirror.

Smile, and it smiles back at you.

- Oh, kids.

- Very profound.

- That's my boy.

Let me introduce you to the rest of my brood.

[dramatic chord]

We've got Luan.

- Ah, yes, the comedian of the family.

Tell Uncle Walter a joke.

♪ ♪

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Death. - Death who?

All of us, Walter. All of us.

- Oh, that's rich!

[laughter]

[laughter stops]

- You remember Lisa, the family scientist.

- Ah, yes, what's your latest groundbreaking experiment?

- Science.

Robots.

Beakers!

- Are items she's using in the experiment.

- Which is very groundbreaking.

- And, of course, there's Lola,

my elegant, classy pageant queen.

[farting loudly]

Shrimp makes me gassy.

- Moving on.

- Yes, this is Leni.

She's the one that needed

a private tutor for every class.

- Yep. I really struggle academically.

I'm all about fashion.

- And, of course,

last but not least, my beautiful wife, Conchita.

- Rita. - Rita.

- Enough with the small talk.

Uncle Walter came here for dinner.

So, as the old saying goes,

let's start so we can finish.

- After you.

[upbeat music]

[all chattering]

- Hey!

You're not a part of this family.

- Nice to see you, too, little bro.

- No, seriously. What are you doing here?

[all speaking]

- You know what, it doesn't matter.

Everyone in the basement. - No.

- What? Are you joking? - Stop.

[all complaining]

- I'm starving.

- I bet you can't catch this ball before it bounces twice.

- The heck I can't!

[ball bounces]

Caught it!

Hey!

- It's Charity Week.

You won't be down there for long,

and Dad's totally on board.

- I am not on board.

[sighs] Charity Week is a sacred tradition,

where the Louds put aside their own needs

to help those less fortunate.

And if I'm not allowed to be involved,

then what's the ding dang point?

- Sounds like the act of charity

would be staying down here so we can help out Flip.

- Ohh, don't tell me how charity works, young lady.

I invented charity.

[gasps]

I am so sorry.

I just can't believe Flip is up there

with all my favorite people.

You know what I mean.

- Who's ready for dinner?

I hope you're hungry.

- That food smells so good!

- Yeah, well, I made that food.

[sniffs]

I even made my famous lava cake.

And now, here I am, stuck in the basement

while Flip is up there, the star of Charity Week.

- Okay, everybody. Enjoy my homemade feast.

- Everything looks delicious.

- Oh, easy as pie.

Or should I say, lava cake,

which I also made myself.

- "So the dinner had begun."

- Dibs on the potatoes! Dibs!

- "All they had to do was fool Flip's brother

and Lincoln would get the emerald."

- It's working.

- Well, it was working,

but all fairy tales have complications.

Which is, trolls.

And this guy.

- This is so sad. - Tragic.

- He's really bad at this. - What are you doing?

- I'm trying to make the world a better place,

now give me a boost!

- Get him down. - Come on!

- Get back here! - Dad, come on!

- No, don't pull!

No. No, no, no, no, no!

Come on!

Uh--Mom hides candy bars behind the washer!

- Get out of my way! - Get--move, move, move.

- [laughs] Yeah!

[laughs]

I'll be back.

[upbeat music]

Okay, here we go.

[chittering] Ahh!

[screams]

Ahh! Ahh! Get him off!

- Thanks for the money you sent for Luan's comedy classes.

She has been voted class clown three years running.

- No.

- What can I say?

I live to laugh.

Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha.

[all laughing]

- Not to mention, the wife's painting

has really taken off ever since

she had those extra thumbs removed.

Show him your hands, honey.

- Uh--

- Look at that. [laughs]

- Almost like they were never there. [chuckles]

- Then it was money well spent.

- Hear! Hear!

- Wow! What a fun dinner.

I can't believe it's time to go.

- But I'm not done eating.

- There you go.

- Well, this has been a wonderful dinner,

and it's certainly wonderful to finally meet you all.

- Ohh. To Uncle Walter! [all chattering]

- Great to meet you, too.

Here's your cane, your hat,

your coat, and your scarf.

- I don't have a scarf.

- Well, then, you need it more than we do.

After all, it is Charity Week.

- [with accent] Did somebody say Charity Week?

- Good gravy, he went to the costume box.

- Phillip, who is this man?

♪ ♪

- Oh, no!

- You said it, Lily.

[suspenseful music]

- Allow myself to introduce myself.

My name is Kristoff

Bolschwarzenegger German Shepard Von Trapp.

But you can call me Kristoff Bol.

- What are you doing?

- [whispering] Don't worry, I got this.

- Got what?

- Phillip, what is going on?

I don't recall you mentioning this gentleman.

- Mm, well, um--

Uh, Crystal Ball is, uh--

- Our handyman!

- We have a handyman?

- I'm paying for a handyman?

- Well, I let him snake the toilets and whatnot

to keep him on his feet.

- He's a wizard with a plunger. I can vouch for that.

- But I do not need the money.

In my country, I am star of silver screen.

And a brain surgeon.

- Phillip, I find it hard to believe

that this escaped your letters.

- He's a new hire.

Crisco Oil is a good egg.

That's why I'm giving him the rest of the day off.

- Yeah, why don't you head on home, Kristoff Bol?

- Oh, good idea, son.

- Ah! [chuckles]

Oh, butmeinfriend,

I am home.

I live in the basement, remember?

- I'm last to know everything.

- Right, well,

enjoy some well-earned R&R in the basement.

- [laughs]

Oh, strudel sticks.

When there is so much heavenly company upstairs,

why would anyone want to languish

in the darkness of the basement?

- What is going on up there?

Shouldn't Walter be gone by now?

- We've been down here forever.

I'm starving.

- I can smell the food through this vent.

- I didn't eat anything today

so I'd play angry in my soccer game.

Now I'm just double angry!

- You're no angry. You're hangry.

[laughs] Get it?

♪ ♪

Why are you looking at him like that?

♪ ♪

- I think she's gonna eat him.

♪ ♪

- Yeah, she's definitely gonna eat him.

[quirky music]

- This is amazing lava cake.

- Thank you. - Danke.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- They're having the lava cake.

- Hey! What are you eating?

- Luan's fourth grade macaroni art.

- Hey, I won first prize for that!

- [hisses]

- Stop! No!

- Luan, I-- - Luna's got a chocolate bunny!

- It's mine! I found it!

- Ahh! - [screams]

[clattering]

- You know, that was the best meal

I've had in a long time.

And it certainly has been a wonderful visit.

And, you know...

I don't say it often enough...

but it's good to see you, Phillip.

But-- [shoes squeak]

[phone buzzes]

Before I go,

I really do need to use your bathroom.

- It's broken!

My mom clogged it.

She does it all the time.

- Lincoln!

I do.

- Plenty of bathrooms on the way to the airport.

- Yeah. - Well, then,

I bid you adieu.

And--and I really wanna thank you again

for your hospitality.

You more than lived up to your Charity Week.

- Thank you for coming to my humble home.

- Uh, our humble home.

- It's everyone's humble home.

Can I get the door for you?

- It--it was our pleasure having you.

- It was my pleasure to have you.

- Well, you know, everyone chipped in.

Anyway, you're a wonderful man, meinWalter.

Life is so fleeting. It's a shame you have to leave.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

- You know what?

[dramatic music]

Maybe I don't have to go.

I have no plans for tomorrow! [laughs]

[all chattering nervously] - Ahh.

Wunderbar. - Great.

♪ ♪

- He's staying another day?

- We're gonna starve down here.

- Do you think they forgot about us?

- Sounds like we're on our own.

[heroic music]

[grunts]

♪ ♪

I say we pick a leader.

- Uh-oh.

- The truth is, I've spent my life

dedicated to nothing but business and industry.

I own many houses, but I often yearn for a home.

[sighs]

It's settled.

I'm staying another day.

- [laughs nervously]

[chattering nervously]

[dramatic music]

- [stomach gurgling]

I--I'm afraid I ate too much lava cake.

Kristoff Bol.

[whistles] That's you.

- Oh! Yah. - Kristoff Bol.

I need you to fix that toilet, chop, chop.

- Yah.Danke.

- Bitte.

- Gesundheit.

[phone buzzes]

- Charlie, what time does your bus leave tomorrow?

- That's why I've been calling, Lincoln.

The plans changed. I'm leaving tonight.

[melancholy music]

♪ ♪

- I can't believe you're leaving tonight.

I'm gonna get there before you go.

- Okay, Lincoln. Hurry.

- Don't worry, I'll be there.

I promise.

"So Walter was staying,

"and Princess Charlie was leaving.

"And unless young Lincoln could get

"the Everlasting Emerald and give it to her

before she left, she would forget him forever."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

♪ ♪