01x09 - Heart and Soul

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Come on.

It's picture time.

[upbeat music]

- In the Loud House, the Really Loud House!

- Three, two, one. Line 'er up!

Yee-haw!

[groans] Found it.

- Okay, so Liam flew feet into that haybale.

- The whole school was talking about it.

They chanted his name at recess.

Oh, Chef Pat comped his milk yesterday.

- She comped his milk?

- Chocolate.

- Well, the whole school is gonna be talking about us

when we b*at his record.

We're gonna have to set up some sort of catapult system

so that I can get launched out this window.

- I don't like it.

I love it.

Should we do a dry run with Tanya?

- Let's go! Time for school!

Hurry up! [banging]

It's a weekday, people.

Downstairs in four minutes!

Not coming up here again. - Mom, I'm exhausted.

- I'm coming!

- To be continued.

- Morning duty, huh? Whew.

That's rough. My turn next week.

I am already dreading it.

- They're moving like snails up there.

Did you get them to bed on time last night?

- Oh, you bet your bippy I did.

I take night duty very seriously.

- Will Edwin give up his immortality for true love?

And what will his overbearing, bloodthirsty family

have to say about it?

Find out on the next "Vampires of Melancholia."

[cackles]

- Okay, uh, time for bed.

- One more, please. - One more.

Come on. - What? No can do.

It's a school night.

[angelic music]

- I, too, am batting my eyes.

- Guys, I can't let you stay up late.

- Just one more?

- [sighs] Okay, one more.

all: Yay!

- [whispering] But don't tell your mother.

- You didn't do that thing where you try to be popular,

did you? - [scoffs]

Please.

[coffee pouring]

- So did Edwin give up his immortality for Griselda?

- No, he left her at the altar--

or so I was told.

- Did you at least have them go through their stuff

for the donation box?

- Oh, we can't forget to put stuff in that donation box.

- Why do we have so many blankets?

- I'm just saying that when you keep them up late at night,

then I'm the one who has to deal with it in the morning.

- We should have gone to bed when Dad asked us.

- I tried, but, you know, they're very persuasive.

- He's no match for my cuteness.

Fine. I mean our cuteness.

- The honorable thing is to go in there

and admit it was our fault.

- But if we let this play out,

Mom's gonna insist that Dad makes the lunches.

- And we all know what happens when Dad makes the lunches.

- We get lots of sweet, savory baked goods.

both: Bingo. - Well, in my defense,

they are so cute.

You know, they get that from your side of the family.

Boop. [laughs] - Okay.

You can make the lunches then, Mr. Popular.

- [gasps] both: Yes!

- I hope he puts in strawberry shortcake.

- ♪ Eyes closed ♪

♪ Everybody knows you play me for a fool ♪

♪ But the truth shows ♪

♪ Yeah, I can see you with my eyes closed ♪

[soft guitar music]

[machinery whirring]

Thanks.

- Okay, all right, all right. Powerful stuff, powerful stuff.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

you have seen her on ClikClok with over million followers.

She got lost on her way to Detroit.

And now she's here in Royal Woods

to use our bathroom.

Give it up for Kiki Carlyle!

[cheers and applause]

- Hi, everybody.

Are you guys ready?

all: Yeah!

- ♪ This is my song I dance to ♪

♪ Everybody dance to my song ♪

- Whoo!

- ♪ These are the lyrics that I wrote ♪

♪ So you can dance to my song ♪

♪ Sooo ♪

♪ Dance with your hands, dance with your hands, dance ♪

- ♪ Dance, dance ♪

- ♪ Dance with your hands, dance with your hands, dance ♪

♪ Dance, dance, dance with your hands ♪

♪ Dance with your hands, dance ♪

- ♪ Dance, dance ♪

- ♪ Dance with your hands, dance with your hands ♪

♪ Dance ♪ - ♪ Dance, dance ♪

[triumphant music]

♪ ♪

[clicks] - [grunts]

- Why is she wearing a life jacket?

- In case of a water landing, Clyde.

We don't know how far she's gonna go.

- Okay, test run one.

[thuds]

- All right.

I'm gonna have to duck a little.

- Test run successful.

- I just got a call from the school.

Not one but all four of your movie buddies

fell asleep in class today.

- Well, I got a call that all they had

were sweets in their lunches.

- You packed their lunches.

- Yes. Yes, I did.

- [sighs]

- I'm just so tired from last night.

And they never revealed whether Edwin chooses Griselda.

If they don't wrap that up in the next two seasons,

I am out-- unless they bring Stefan back.

Then I am way in.

[sighs] I'm always left alone, just like Griselda.

Hon, come on.

It's not like you never let the kids stay up.

- This seems to be escalating.

- It's our fault.

- I didn't hear you complaining at lunch today.

- The strawberry shortcake was delicious.

But the aftertaste of guilt and remorse is quite bitter.

- Come on, guys. - And you have never,

ever, ever let them stay up late?

- Actually, I have not.

both: Interesting. - Yeah.

- Mom and Dad's disagreements always go in stages.

- Stage one, someone will mess up, usually Dad.

- Here's how it's gonna unfold.

Stage two, Mom will call her sister and vent.

- : a.m., that vampire show.

No! He was watching it with them.

- Stage three, Dad will clean out the fridge

and mutter to himself.

- Why didn't you put the kids to bed, honey?

Oh, I don't know, honey.

Maybe 'cause they've got me

wrapped around their little finger.

That's why. Ugh.

- Stage four, Dad will see Mom doing something cute,

like when she blows her bangs out of her face

while she writes an article for the paper.

Then he'll make up an excuse to go for a drive.

- Welp, we're outta pickles.

- And finally, stage five,

Dad will bring home Mom's favorite treat

from Cannoli Pete's.

- Mom will taste it and do the thing

where she talks with food in her mouth.

- Oh, gosh, this is so good.

- Then she'll smile and pat the couch.

- [sighs] - Mm.

- [laughs] - And just like that,

all is well in the Loud house.

- You know what? I'm gonna clean out the fridge.

- Well, I'm going out to the yard to call my sister.

- Stage two.

- Right on schedule.

- Hi. I'm Luna Loud, and this is a song

for anyone who's ever had their heart broken.

It's called "Eyes Closed," and it goes like this.

♪ Eyes closed ♪

♪ Everybody knows you play me for a fool ♪

♪ But the truth shows ♪

[soft guitar music]

♪ After the show, when the curtains close ♪

♪ I know what you're up to with my eyes closed ♪

♪ Eyes closed, eyes closed ♪

♪ I can see you with my ♪

- Whoa! - Aah!

- [screaming]

[grunts]

- Dude.

- feet. - Hmm.

[lighthearted music]

All right, we've got work to do.

- I'm gonna throw him out the window myself.

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

- Welp, we're outta pickles.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

both: Stage four.

- Oh, hey, guys.

What are you doing?

- Making you the proudest mom in Royal Woods.

- Aw. - We're gonna slingshot Lincoln

out the window.

- You're not doing that.

- Dad already said we could.

- Did he? - He said, "Don't tell Mom."

- Did he? - Oh, yeah.

He said you'd get all mad or something.

- Did he?

[tense music]

- He was right.

- Todd, there you are.

I've been looking for you.

- Name.

- Lisa Loud.

I designed and created you.

- You're not on the list.

- Okay, Todd.

Don't make me turn you into a blender.

- Oh, hey, little sis, I borrowed Todd

to keep Lincoln and Clyde out of here.

I'm putting one of my songs on ClikClok

because apparently if you want anyone to listen to your music,

you gotta go viral.

- I would never partake in something

as pedestrian as ClikClok, but I'd be remiss

if I didn't tell you that if you wanna go viral,

you're missing a few key elements.

- Like what?

- ClikClok is an easily decipherable algorithm

based on the principles of what the audience wants to see,

i.e. felines, trendy clothes, and people falling down,

which, let's admit it, is pretty funny.

- Do not forget adorable babies.

- Thank you, Todd.

Simply put, incorporate these elements of the zeitgeist,

and your video will, as they say, "blow up."

- Boom.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[plate rattles]

- Okay, let's go over this one more time.

- Hey, Luna? - No, no, no.

You guys aren't allowed.

- Mom won't let us do our jump.

- Yeah, we're bored.

- Just go out in the yard.

This video is gonna be seen by millions of people.

The algorithm loves babies, cats, and trendy clothes,

not immature, sweaty boys.

- Hey.

We are not sweaty. - Yard.

All right, we're burning daylight, people.

Todd, you start on me for the first verse.

Then pan over to Tanya.

Make sure you get the trendy clothes.

Wait, where's the trendy hat?

Give me the trendy hat.

- Okay.

- And where's Cliff? - [meows]

- Cliff, come here, sweetie. - [snarls]

Ow! - Ow.

- Okay. Forget about Cliff.

But, Lily, you're gonna have to close your eyes this time.

The song is called "Eyes Closed."

- Got it.

- You say you got it, Lily, but do you got it?

All right, people, let's get it right this time.

- Let's go again. Take .

- This day is really going downhill.

- It's a sad day when Liam is more famous than us.

- Wait a minute, Clyde.

Why would we wanna be middle-school famous

when we could be ClikClok famous?

[car pulling in]

[car door opens]

- Aha.

[bright music]

[keys jingling]

- Stage five, ladies.

- He's got the cannoli.

- Just like we told ya.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [gasps] - [gasps]

- [gasps] - Gasp.

- They're out of pickles.

- What stage is this?

- Is that cannoli on your face?

- Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

I couldn't find my Number One Dad napkins.

Delicious.

[door slams]

- ♪ Eyes closed ♪

♪ Everybody knows you played me for a fool ♪

♪ But your cover got blown ♪

♪ So after the show, when the curtains close ♪

♪ I'll know what you're up to ♪

♪ With my eyes closed ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Eyes closed ♪

♪ ♪

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Aah!

- And posted.

That was perfect.

[both grunt]

- [straining] We're gonna be famous.

- Awesome.

- Look at all these likes!

I'm gonna check out the comments.

- Maybe you shouldn't.

- "OMG, watch till the end."

What happens at the end?

- Don't look.

[soft music]

- You get to be fun.

My point is, I don't wanna always have

to be the bad cop,

while you get to be Mr. Popular.

- Uh, you're popular too.

Oh, hey, hey, look, hey.

Where is it?

Give me a second.

Ah, aha!

Look at this.

"I heart Mow."

This is a nice mug, you know?

And anytime you're feeling down,

you just pull it out and see how much your kids love you.

[cup shatters]

Oh, cheap mug.

- I'm gonna go call my sister.

- Ugh, so tense back here.

- Oh, do you want me to rub your neck?

- Oh, that'd be great, hon.

- Well, I'd like you to rub mine too.

- I do rub your neck.

- But I always have to ask you first!

[door slams]

- At least we'll get two Christmases.

- It's time for stage six.

- What's stage six?

- The four of us come up with a plan to fix this.

- What's up, Liam?

You may be middle-school famous,

but Clyde and I are blowing up.

[mimic expl*si*n sound]

[notification chimes]

We just got more hits than "This is My Song

[Dance With Your Hands"].

Oh, hey, Luna.

We can explain.

- Yeah, we really didn't plan any of that.

It just kind of happened.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

What's that, Springs?

Dinnertime?

I better go feed Springs.

- You know what, dude?

I spent the whole day trying to make a video

so people would listen to my song.

And all I asked was for you to back off a little.

And you couldn't do it.

[sad music]

- Luna, wait!

Luna, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to ruin anything.

It's just that I had this perfect plan

to b*at Liam's record.

And I couldn't help myself.

- Yeah, Lincoln, you always have a plan.

You've been doing that stuff since you were a little kid.

[cacophonous piano music]

- [sighs] Luna, you've gotta teach me a song.

Liam played his fiddle at show-and-tell,

and I've got a plan to blow him out of the water.

- Not now, Lincoln.

- Please, please, please.

Please, please, please, please, please?

- Dude. [laughs] Okay, fine.

Okay, so you play the higher parts.

They go like this.

[repeated notes]

Okay? - Yeah.

- All right, and I'll play the low parts.

They go like this. [playing "Heart and Soul"]

You ready? - Yeah.

- All right, let's do it. - Let's do this.

[both playing "Heart and Soul"]

♪ ♪

Ooh, so close. Come on. You got this.

- You've always been the same.

- Wait a minute.

I thought you loved playing that song with me.

We got so good at it.

♪ ♪

- [laughs]

[both laugh]

- Good job, Lincoln. - Thanks, Luna.

This is so much fun.

- That was when we were little kids, Lincoln.

I'm a serious musician now.

You just don't get it.

- I'm sorry, Luna.

Anyways, thanks for teaching me that song when I was little.

Playing it with you was always so much fun.

- [laughs]

Fun.

[electricity crackling]

- What's going on?

- I'm just doing a weekly séance.

Oh, spirits of the forgotten realm,

enter this room and take whatever mortals you must.

Rip their souls from their chest.

- Okay. - And fling them

into your divine darkness. - Okay.

[eerie music]

[mischievous music]

♪ ♪

- Did you hear they're running a marathon

of "Operation Dessert Storm"?

- [sighs] Well, the ding-dang cable company

made the Food Network a premium channel,

so I had to cancel.

- Now playing on channel ,,

"Koala Kitchen."

- You might wanna check again.

[light music]

♪ ♪

- [clears throat]

♪ ♪

- [moans]

- Hm.

[sighs]

Mm. - Mm.

Mm.

♪ ♪

both: Mm.

I'm sorry. - You should be.

- [laughs]

I think we're out of pickles.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[sentimental guitar music]

♪ ♪

- [thickly] Oh, my god. It's so good.

Mm.

- Ah. [laughs]

[sighs]

♪ ♪

- Okay, - Four.

- Totally my turn. - Four. Perfect.

All right. - Can you help me?

- Yes. - Are you ready, Lily?

- Yeah.

- You play the high parts like this.

And I'll play the low parts.

- You got room for one more?

- Yes! - [laughs]

- You're right, Linc. Music's supposed to be fun.

Thanks for reminding me.

See, Lily, the whole key to the song is the rhythm.

Both people have to be perfectly in sync.

Let's show her, Linc.

You take the high parts.

[both playing "Heart and Soul"]

♪ ♪

Come on, Lily. Try.

[laughs] Good job, Lily.

- ♪ Heart and soul ♪

♪ I fell in love with you, lost control ♪

- ♪ Just like a fool would do gladly ♪

♪ Because you held me tight ♪

♪ And stole a kiss in the night ♪

all: ♪ Heart and soul ♪

♪ I begged to be adored, lost control ♪

♪ And tumbled overboard gladly ♪

♪ Because you held me tight ♪

- One more time!