05x02 - Stress Test!

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: This is the
Evergreen forest.

Quiet, peaceful, serene.

That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.

Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!

♪♪

Yeeeehaaaa!

Yikes!

Yaaaah...
[bam!]

[laughs]
[smash!]

Yeaaaah!

Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.

Broo: [panting]

♪♪

Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...

Cyril Sneer!

[bleep blarp bloop]

And his life would be simple
except for...

the Raccoons!!

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪♪

Narrator: A remote clearing in
the Evergreen forest.

A perfect picture of natural,
untouched beauty.

But for some, the swamp land
that lies just beyond

is a part of the picture that
needs a little touching up.

Midas: Let her go, Seymour.

Ah, that hides the swamp nicely.

Ahh, our first victim.

Move it, Seymour.
You know the routine.

Just give me five minutes.

Mr. Sneer, oh super to meet you.

What do you think
of the property?

Terrific or what?

You know this morning I had to
hit myself on the head and ask,

why am I selling this fabulous
forest for so little?

Ah, but now I know.
I really like you!

Cyril: Cut the boloney,
Midas! I just ate.

Pigs! I want this land
measured from top to bottom.

Pigs: Right away, boss.

Midas: Mr. Sneer,
that isn't necessary.

I have a complete survey of
the land and a bill of sale

ready for your signature.

Cyril: Really? How convenient.

Midas: Well, then
let's do this deal.

Cyril: Maybe we will,
maybe we won't.

When it comes to
spending my money,

I'm a careful man.

I've only made three
mistakes in my entire life.

Midas: Really?

Uh, what were they?

Pig 1: Oops!

Pig 2: Oh! Au!

Cyril: That answer
your question?

If you bumbling bacon bits are
finished your performance,

get back to work!

[car honking]

Midas: Oh, who could this be?

Another buyer perhaps?

Cyril: Eh..hold your horses
there, Midas. I was here first.

Midas: I appreciate
that Mr. Sneer,

but I have other business
ventures to pursue.

Time waits for
no tycoon, you know.

Opportunity is
honking at my door.

Cyril: This land is the perfect
spot for my new warehouse, ha.

Hey Midas, you seem
like a reasonable guy.

Let's do this deal.

Midas: You made the right
decision, Mr. Sneer.

Ah! Just look at this land..

why it's as pretty
as a picture!!

Cyril: Oooh! Ooo! My stomach!

Pigs: Boss!

Cyril: Ahahh! Get me
into the car, boys..

Midas: But Mr. Sneer. The deal?

You haven't signed yet!

Pig1: We've got to
get him to the hospital!

Cyril: The hospital?

No! Oh no!

Midas: But, Mr. Sneer?!

Cedric: Pop? What happened?!

Are you all right?

Cyril: Nothing
to worry about son.

Oooh!

Dr. Canard: Now hold
your horses, Mr. Sneer,

you're not going any place.

Cedric: What's wrong with
my Pop, doctor Canard?

Dr. Canard: Well, I'm not sure.

I want to run some
tests and hopefully,

in a couple of days, he'll be
just fine and back in operation.

Cyril: An operation? I'm
not having any operation.

Ohhhhh! Oooh-ooh!

Dr. Canard: Relax Mr. Sneer,
no one said anything

about an operation.

Now you leave that in until the
nurse comes to take it out.

Cedric: Pop, I really
think you should stay,

and let the hospital find out
what's wrong with you.

The Pigs can take care
of your business deal.

Cyril: B-b-b-b..

Cedric: Don't worry
about a thing, Pop,

I'll come and visit every day.

See you later, Pop!

Dr. Canard: I'll be back
to check on you,

and if you need anything,
just push that button

and the nurse will come.

♪ [harmonica music]

Cyril: What are you, the
entertainment around here?

Danny: Listen.
Take it from an expert..

You're never going to fool
nurse Peck with that old trick.

Cyril: An expert, huh?

Well just watch me kid, cause I
don't intend to

stick around here and listen

to your entire repertoire.

Nurse Peck: Well, aren't
we the impatient patient.

Cyril: Temperature's fine, I
guess, I can get out of here.

Nurse Peck: You're not
going anywhere, young man.

Why, you're as cold as...

that glass of ice water

on your night table.

Cyril: I can't stay here!
This is a hospital!

Nurse Peck: My, my. For
someone who is so cold,

we are hot under the
collar, aren't we?

Cyril: Hey, I paid
for a private room!

What's the big deal?

Danny: No big deal.

This happens all
the time around here.

Nurse Peck: Things
are a wee bit crowded,

but I'm sure, you two will be
best friends in no time.

Cyril: Yeah. I'm sure.

Bert: Wow. Ralph it's here!

It finally came!

Ralph: Ahh. What's
finally here, Bert?

Bert: I ordered this months ago.

I thought, it was
never going to come.

A Silver Silhouette
remote bomber.

And with this remote
control, I can make it do

loops, dives, barrel rolls,

why, it can do
practically anything!

Ralph: Can it make
a pizza crust?

Bert: Hey, hey, funny, Ralph.

Come on, let's give
it a test flight.

[buzzing, humming]

Listen to that engine purr.

Bert Raccoon, flying ace!

The bomber has its orders.

It has clearance for take off on
its way to another date

with destiny in the clouds.

Hey. It's not working!

Take off! Take off!
[loud crash]

Ralph: Looks like the bomber
had a change in orders, Bert.

Bert: Ralph, I've
been ripped off.

Pig 2: Ah, this is the
life, eh boys? Heh heh.

Pig 3: Yeah. With the
boss out of the way,

we can finally relax
and be ourselves.

Pig 1: Yeah, just a bunch
of madcap millionaires!

Hey, watch this!

A perfect swine dive.
[phone ringing]

Hello..oh, ah hi, boss..

Oh yes, we're hard at
work here in the office.

Heh, heh. Ahh. Well..

We've pooled our
resources and ahh,

are keeping things afloat.

The land deal?

Oh well, of course,
we're taking care of it.

Hold on a minute, boss.

Pig 1: Here, the boss wants you
to take care of this, pronto!

Pig 2: But I'm busy!

Pig 1: Delegate!
Pig 2: Oh oh oh oh!

Pig 1: It's as
good as done, boss.

Read you the stock prices?

Oh, sure.

Pig 3: One size fits all.

Pig 2: Here take care of this!

Pig 3: Hey, thanks.

[splash!]

Pig 1: Water? Heh, heh..oh no,
that wasn't water uhm..

We're just, uh diving
into all the work here!

Pig 1: Whoops!
[splash]

Cyril: Hello? Hello?

What are those underhanded
ham hocks up to?

Nurse Peck: What is
all this yelling for?

This is a hospital,
not the stock exchange!

Now Dr. Canard said
you're well enough to go..

Cyril: Home? Ha!

Nurse Peck: Oh, Mr. Sneer, you
do brighten the place up

with your humor. No,
for your tests, of course.

Cyril: Wait.
Couldn't I just take

a written test
on this one? Hehe.

Nurse Peck: No, this is more
like a screen test. [chuckles]

Now you've got me doing it.

Now relax Mr. Sneer,
this is the last one.

Cyril: What's that
for target practice?

Danny: Don't you know anything?

It's an X-ray machine.

It takes pictures
of your insides.

Nurse Peck: Now,
Danny, you run along.

Mr. Sneer is almost finished.

Danny: Yeah sure,
I'm going, I'm going.

Nurse Peck: Hold still now.
[buzzing sound]

That's it Mr. Sneer,
your tests are over.

Now the doctor has prescribed a
little something

to help with the pains
you've been having.

Mr. Sneer?

Mr. Sneer?

Bert: Thank you anyway,
operator. Good bye.

Ralph: Hi, Bert. Still grounded?

Bert: I can't even
get my money back.

I tried to call the
company that sells it,

but their phone's
been disconnected.

Melissa: Aw,
that's too bad, Bert.

Bert: Yeah, and I bet,
I'm not the only one

that got suckered
into buying it!

Oh, it looked so good in the
ad on the back of this comic.

Melissa: Hmmm?
Money cheerfully refunded,

if not completely satisfied.

Ralph: Hey, I know a guy who
works for the company

that publishes this comic.

I could give him a call,
and see if he can come up

with some information for you?

Bert: That'd be great, Ralph!

Those guys will be sorry they
ever sold Bert Raccoon

a bunch of junk!

Cyril: I'm packing my briefcase
and I'm out of here!

Nurse Peck! Heh, heh.

Nurse Peck: You're not..hiding
from me, are you Mr. Sneer?

Cyril: Hiding? No!

Just trying to stay
out of your way.

I know how busy you are. Ooh-oo.

Nurse Peck: Now get back
into bed! you're a sick man!

I'm nearly finished here.

Now, Mr. Sneer,
this should help.

Danny: I get three
needles a day.

I don't even think about it.

I just think about,
you know, good stuff.

Nurse Peck: Now there's a good
idea. Try that, Mr. Sneer.

Cyril: Well, there is
money, and gold, and stocks.

Bonds are nice too and,
corporate takeovers.

Nurse Peck: Mr. Sneer,
if you're quite finished,

I think it's time
we all got some rest.

Cyril: Ha! Nothing to it.

Danny: I told you I'm an expert
on this hospital stuff.

Cyril: Well, Mr. Expert, try
turning that harmonica around

and it'll sound a lot better.

♪ [harmonica sound]

Danny: Oh yeah!

Pig 1: Okay all you
madcap millionaires,

it's party time!

♪ When darkness falls

♪♪

♪ Leaving shadows in the night

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ Wipe that fear from
your eyes ♪

♪♪

♪ A desperate love

♪♪

♪ Keeps on driving you wrong

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ You're not alone

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ When the cold wind blows

♪♪

♪ Turn your collar to the cold

♪♪

♪ Don't be ashamed

♪ If you need someone to hold

♪♪

♪ If you're sinking
in quicksand ♪

♪♪

♪ And it's dragging you down

♪♪

♪ And you feel you're
going under ♪

♪♪

♪ We'll be around

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪

Schaeffer: Whoever
built this thing

didn't know what
they were doing.

Sorry Bert, but
I've done all I can.

Bert: Thanks for trying
anyway, Schaeffer.

Ralph: Good news, Bert!

I got the name of the
president of the company

that sells the remote bomber.

Melissa: And from everything we
could find out about this guy,

he's a real weasel!

Ralph: His name is Milton Midas.

Mr. Midas: ..Milton Midas here,
your man of a million

miraculous Midas deals!

This fabulous Midas forest has
just become available

and it's gotta go, friends!

Take a look at the
Midas workmanship

on these Midas trees.

Solid Midas wood. So run,
walk, or crawl on down here

tomorrow for the auctioning off
of these incredible Midas acres!

Just who am I to be offering you
such a dynamite Midas deal?

Well, I'm the man with
the golden touch.

Mr. Milton Midas.

Bert: Milton Midas?

Ralph: I know, isn't
television great?

Midas: The man with the gold
touch.. Mr. Milton Midas!

Pig 1: Oh no. We forgot
to close the land deal!

Pig 3: Madcap millionaires!

The party's not over!

Pig 2: Oh, the party's
over, alright!

Pig 1: Never mind our lives.

Pig 3: Oh, golly gosh gee whiz.

Have I missed something?

Nurse Peck: I'm a
bit worried about him.

How is he doing doctor?

Doctor Canard: Well, I've gone
through his test results

and he's going to
need an operation.

Cyril: An operation!

♪♪

Danny: Mr. Sneer,
what are you doing?

Cyril: I'm checking out.
Danny: Why?

Cyril: Because they want to
operate on me, that's why.

Danny: Are you chicken?

Cyril: Listen kid,
do you have any idea

what those doctors do to you?

Danny: Oh sure, I've
had operations before.

Cyril: You have?

Danny: Yeah, and
they're not all that bad.

Well, the first time
is always a bit scary.

I guess, I wasn't
that brave, but..

Cyril: Aaahh!
Danny: [gasps]

If you're brave enough
to climb out there,

you're brave enough
to handle an operation.

Trust me!

Pig

Pig 1:

Pig 1: Oh,

Pig 1: Oh, Mr.

Pig 1: Oh, Mr. Midas?

We've come to sign the deal!

Midas: Kids, haha.

Ah, you must be history buffs,

'cause that deal
is an ancient event.

Pig 3: Our boss
gave us carte blanche

and maybe we could
throw in the pens,

sort of like a bit of a..

Midas: Kids, kids. Ha ha.

Ah, you make me smile.

I like to smile.

So I'm going to make this
easy for you to understand.

The original deal is off!

Kids, ha ha, kids.

Bert: Uh, excuse me,
Mr. Milton Midas?

Midas: What?

Bert: I bought this plane
from your company, see,

and it doesn't work.

Midas: Listen here kiddo, I've
got an image to watch here.

What you want is a
crash course in timing.

Bert: Yeah well uh, I'll be
on my way juts as soon as

I get my refund, like
it says here in your ad.

Money cheerfully refunded,
if not completely satisfied!

Midas: I said that?
Bert: That's right.

Midas: Oh, imagine that.

I must have left my
refund money at home,

but I'm sure I can fix
that plane for you.

Just a minor adjustment and it
should work like a charm.

There, that should do it!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have
an auction to get started.

Kids..

Doctor Canard: Aaah.
And how I everyone today?

All ready to face an..

Cyril: An operation?

Doctor Canard:
I was going to say

ready to face another day,
Mr. Sneer.

As far as I know, you're not
scheduled for any surgery.

I do have the news on
your tests though and uh,

you have an ulcer.
Cyril: An ulcer!

Doctor Canard: Yup. Now,
it can be caused by many things,

but uh, in your case,
it seems to be stress.

With a proper diet and a little
less tension in your life,

that ulcer shouldn't cause you
any problems at all.

You can go home.

Cyril: Home? Now? Great!

Hey Danny, isn't that great?

Danny: Yeah, sure.

Cyril: That's the kind
of news I like to hear!

Now listen, you fix
this kid up fast

and get him out of here too.

Doctor Canard: Yes,
well that would be nice.

Good bye, Mr. Sneer.

Cyril: Ciao, doc!

Dr Canard: Now, Danny, I have to
talk to you for a moment.

Midas: That's right friends,

just ten more minutes
to Midas auction time

and this Midas land
is gone gone gone!

So grab those
golden credit cards

and charge on down to Midasland!

Cyril: Midas! Why,
those idiotic oinkers!

If I lose this land, I'll
fire them.. out of a cannon!

Wait! My briefcase..

Danny: [deep sigh]

Dr Canard: I'm sorry Danny but

we've had to cancel
your operation.

Danny: But I want to go home!

Now long will I have
to wait this time?

Doctor Canard:
I don't know Danny,

it's the same old problem.

The blood bank is low again.

Nurse Peck: Are you feeling
okay, Mr. Sneer?

You're an awful shade of pink.

Cyril: Yeah, I'm all right.

Say a..what do you have to do
to give blood around here?

Nurse Peck: Ah, it's
nothing. Just a teeny needle

and bit of your time.

Cyril: Did you say...needle?

I'll, I'll lose the land!

Where do you hide this
blood bank anyway?

Midas: Now, if everyone is ready
we'll get this show on the road.

Who will start the bidding on
this premium piece of property?

Do I hear ten thousand dollars?

Excellent. Do I have 11?
Yes, I've got 11.

Do I here 12? 12? 12.
I've got 12.

Who'll make me 15? 15. Fabulous.

Now, do I hear 20? 20.
Let's hear that 20.

There's 20!

Pig 2: Ohh, what's going on?

Pig 3: Oooh,
do something, Lloyd.

Pig 1: What can I do?

Pig 2: Do what the boss
would do if he was here!

Pig 3: He'd get real mad
if he were here.

Pig 1: You're right. $2,000!

Midas: Two, thousand?

Ah hahaha. Someone
give that kid a shake.

The train left
the station and he's

still looking for his tickets.

Pig 1: I'll show him.
Two million dollars!

Midas: Two mi-mi-mi-million,
million d-d-dollars?

Bert: Humph. Let's see if
this thing really is fixed.

[plane buzzing]

Hey!

[plane buzzing]

Oh my. It's out of control.

Midas: Two m-million
dollars, once!

Pig 1: My bid certainly
made an impression

on that big sh*t, didn't it?

Pig 2: Oh, it certainly did.

And when the boss hears
about this, he'll impress us.

Pig 3: Six feet into the ground.

Midas: Two m-m-million dollars

t-t-twice.

[plane buzzing]

Aaahhhh..
[bam!]

[plane buzzing]
[splut!]

[frog croaking]

Bert: [panting]
Is everyone okay?

I hope no one got hurt!

Or, or.. or torn?

Hey, this whole
thing is a setup!

It's another Midas scam,
just like my bomber!

Pig 2: It's all swamp land!

Midas: Wait! This is
just ah, ah, em..look.

Bert: I know my
timing could be off,

but I'd like that refund now!

Midas: Refund, schmefund kid.

Here, take it and leave.

Bert: Thank you!

Nurse Peck: Oh. What are you
still doing here, Cedric?

Cedric: Just waiting for Pop.

He heard Danny
was out of surgery

and wanted to stop
by and say hello.

Nurse Peck: Ah,
two miracles in one day.

First your father gives blood,

and now he's voluntarily

listening to the lad's music.

Cyril: And that's the
way you blow a harp kid.

Danny: Hey, that's not bad!

Cyril: Yeah, well I was just
worried about the next poor soul

that has to listen
to all your squawking.

Narrator: To the
untrained ear,

the music that came from the
hospital room that night

might have sounded tuneless,

but to Cyril and Danny,
there was no sweeter sound.

For the two had formed a
friendship,

through the ultimate
gift of sharing.

Cyril: Land scam? Auction?

Sneer Industries bid
two million dollars?!

Were you meat heads
out of your minds?

Pig 1: Heh he. It was just a
bluff to expose him, boss!

Really! We knew all along

the land was worthless.

Cyril: Oh you did, did you?

Urg. Just what in tarnation
is this doing here?

Pig 1: Um. We were planning a
welcome home party for you?

[phone ringing]
Cyril: Not very likely.

Hello? No, this
isn't the butler.

The madcap millionaires?

Ask them when they're
having their next

mansion shaking party?!

Rrrr!!

Pig 1: Careful think of your
stress level, boss!

Pig 2: Oh yeah.
You don't want to end up

back in the hospital. Heh-he!

Cyril: Hospitals don't
bother me anymore,

but you clowns do.

And when I get to
the bottom of this,

that's just where you'll be!

In the hospital!!

Come back here
you pork rinds. Stop!!

Pig: Run for it, Lloyd!

Oh-oh-oh!

♪

♪ [show

♪ [show theme

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪ When darkness falls

♪♪

♪ Leaving shadows in the night

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ Wipe that fear from
your eyes ♪

♪♪

♪ The desperate love

♪♪

♪ Keeps on driving you wrong

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ You're not alone

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪