03x12 - Simon Says!

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: This is the
Evergreen forest.

Quiet, peaceful, serene.

That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.

Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!

♪♪

Yeeeehaaaa!

Yikes!

Yaaaah...
[bam!]

[laughs]
[smash!]

Yeaaaah!

Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.

Broo: [panting]

♪♪

Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...

Cyril Sneer!

[bleep blarp bloop]

And his life would be simple
except for...

the Raccoons!!

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪♪

Bert: Luke's senses were sharper
than a new suit.

The man with the wooden leg was
done for, and he knew it.

He had stolen the stole..
but thanks to Luke,

he was going to end up with a
different kind of wrap.

Wow.

What a private eye
that Luke Warm is.

Compared to him, Sherlock Holmes
couldn't solve a math problem.

Melissa: Bert.. have
you seen the binoculars?

We want to go bird watching.

Bert: Aha. The case of the
missing spy glasses.

This calls for
Bert Raccoon, private eye.

Hmm. Uh-huh.

Hmmmm. Ah-ha.

Hmmmm...

Hey. That's Cyril Sneer's limo..

I wonder what it's
doing around here?

Hmm.

A couple of fast characters
doin' some fast food work

outta their boss' fast car..

Melissa: Bert, may we have
the binoculars, please?

Bert: Eh? Oh, sure..
As soon as I find them..

Huh? Oh! Hah ha! You see,
I knew, I'd find 'em.

Another case solved!

Melissa: Thanks, Bert.

Bert: Ah it was nothing.

Listen, if I were you,
I'd keep my eyes on these..

[chuckles]

Cedric: Ready to go, Pop?

Cyril: What?! Oh yes I am.

I didn't realize you
were coming with me

to the annual
shareholders meeting.

Cedric: Shareholders meeting?

We're supposed to be going to
the ball game together.

Gee, Pop, you forgot again.

That's the third
time this month.

Cyril: Well, why don't
you go with the pigs again?

[ding-dong!]

[squeak]

Simon: Heh! You must
be Cyril's boy?

Cedric: Uh huh. I'm Cedric.

Simon: You're a Sneer,
no doubt about it.

You've got the family nose.

I should know..
I'm your uncle Simon.

Cedric: Uncle Simon?

But..Pop?

Cyril: Simon?! My brother Simon
was lost at sea years ago.

Simon: My baby brother. Cyril!!

Ah, it's good to be home.

Cedric: Uncle Simon?!

♪♪

♪♪

Simon: Heh, I clung to
an old chest for days

before I was
finally swept ashore

on a deserted island.

Uh, I was stranded
there for years.

Cyril: Anybody can
come barging in here,

claiming he's my brother.

How can I recognize someone

whom I last saw when
I was ten years old?

Simon: Nine years, ten
months and three days old,

to be exact.

Cyril: Anybody could know that.

Simon: Well, I'll be.

Remember carving
these notches, Cyril?

To measure how tall
were both getting?

Cedric: Gee,
I never even noticed..

Simon: Tell me, Cyril, do you
still have those miniature

ships grandfather built us
for Christmas?

Cedric: Sure, uncle Simon,
they're up in his bedroom.

Cyril: Harumph!

Simon: I built a ship myself
once... a real one! By hand.

Took me fifteen years.

Only way to get off that island.

Gave me plenty of time to
think of coming home again.

Cedric: Well, we're
sure glad you made it.

Gee, I've always
wanted an uncle.

Do you like baseball?

Simon: Haven't seen a game since

Dad used to take Cyril and I..

Would you like some company?

Cedric: Sure, Pop's gotta got
to a shareholders' meeting.

Simon: Shareholders' meeting?

I take it, Cyril,
that you've managed

the family fortune well, then?

Cyril: Managed it!!
Why, I've turned it into

one of the greatest
financial empires of all time.

Sneer Enterprises is big.

Bigger than your tall
tale about being my brother.

Simon: Tsk tsk! Still have that
violent temper, I see, Cyril.

Cedric: We'd better
get going, uncle Simon.

The game starts soon.

Simon: Right.
Off we go then, Cedric.

Cedric: Bye, Pop.

Simon: We'll be back for dinner.

♪♪

Cyril: My brother. Hmpf!

This guy's about as
genuine as a hen's tooth.

I know what he's after!

My money!!

I may have a poor memory,

but I'd never forget
my own brother,

and he's not my brother!

♪♪

Melissa: Oh look, Ralph,
the rare thrush woodpecker..

Ralph: Wow...and look at
what I've found, Melissa.

I've never seen anything
like it before..

[branch cracking]

Bert: Aaaaaah!!

[loud bam!]

Melissa: Oh Ralph! It's Bert.

Bert: Hi guys. Doing
a little 'Bert'
watching?

[giggles]

Schaeffer: What were you doing
up in the trees, Bert?

Bert: Looking
for clues, Schaeffer.

I have a hunch, somebody's been
stealing apples from that tree..

It's been picked clean.

Schaeffer: But that's
an elm tree, Bert.

Bert: Hun? Well.. [giggles]

Another case solved.

Bert Raccoon, the greatest
detective since Luke Warm,

does it again!

Simon: We should plan to go
sailing sometime, Cedric.

I can teach you
all there is to know..

Cedric: Oh look, uncle Simon.

My friends.

Cedric: Hey g*ng.
Meet my uncle Simon.

Bert: Huh? Uncle?

Simon: Pleased to meet you all.

Cedric has already told
me so much about you.

He certainly is lucky
to have such good friends.

Melissa: How nice.

Ralph: Gee Cedric, I didn't'
know you had an uncle.

Cedric: Neither did I.

Uncle Simon was shipwrecked
on a deserted island.

for 15 years!

He had to build a boat with his
bare hands to get back.

Bert: Hmmm.. Interesting.

Very interesting.

Cedric: We're just coming
home from the ball game.

It was great going with
someone other than the Pigs.

Simon: Well, come along, Cedric.

I have a very important matter
to discuss with your father.

Schaeffer: Nice fellow.

Ralph: Hm, not
like Cyril at all.

Melissa: And a
good uncle to Cedric.

Bert: Hmm. I don't know..

Something about that
guy rubs me the wrong way.

Ralph: Oh, Bert. You've just
been reading too many

of those detective novels.

♪♪

Simon: You know, Cyril,

as a nice as it is
to be back home,

I find myself
longing for the sea.

Cyril: I wish you were
there, too, believe me.

Simon: I spent
so many years there..

You know, I wouldn't
have had to return at all.

if you had just
answered my letters.

Cyril: Letters?

I don't remember any letters.

Cedric: You don't
remember most things, Pop.

Simon: The letters
simply repeated,

what father set
down in his will..

Cyril: [gulps]

Simon: That the family
fortune be shared equally

between the two of us.

Why with that, I could
build the boat of my dreams.

♪♪

[thud!]

[typewriter clacking]

Ralph: How about this
for a headline, g*ng?

Long lost Sneer returns
to claim family fortune.

Schaeffer: It certainly is an
unbelievable story, isn't it?

Bert: Yeah, this case is hot.

And I'm beginning to get warm,

Luke Warm, P.I.!

♪♪

Pig 1: We've hit pay dirt
fellas. Simon's old trunk.

Pig 2: Now we'll expose that
imposter for what he really is..

Pig 3: Yah.. An imposter..

And the boss will
give us that raise.

♪♪

[ding-dong!]

Pig 3: Hey, who could that be?

♪
[hoofs tapping]

[door squeaks]

Bert: Well, just the bunch
of guys I'm looking for.

The name's Warm, Luke Warm.

Pig 1: Oh yeah? Well,
whatever you're selling,

we're not buying.

Bert: I'm looking for the
dirt on your new house guest.

Get the picture?

Pig 1: No, and
we don't have time.

Bert: Look, you stooges
better start yapping',

'cause I've got some
info that could land you

in H2O at two hundred
and twelve, get it?

Pig 3: We don't know,
what you're talking about.

Have you considered English
as a first language?

Bert: All right then,
get me the head honcho.

I've the goods on
a pizza delivery scam

he might want to know about,

if you catch my drift.

Pigs: Pizza d-delivery
business.. [gulps]

Bert: All I'm looking for
is a little hard evidence..

like the kind I've
got on you, see?

Pigs: Oh no!!

Pig 2: We can't let
the boss see that.

Pig 1: W-what do you want?

Bert: Aha. What do we have here?

Pleasure doing
business with you.

Cyril: Where are
those hams hiding?

Pigs: Oh oh. The boss!!

Cyril: I've been expecting this
kind of underhanded chicanery.

In fact, I've had a little quiz
prepared just for the occasion.

It should prove exactly
who you are not!

[laughs]

Pigs: All set, Sir.

Cyril: Fasten
your seatbelt, Simon,

you're in for a bumpy ride.

Only my real brother could
answer any of these questions.

Fire away.

Pig 1: Um..uh.. What size
boots did you used to wear?

Simon: Simple. Eight.

Pig 2: Um.. He's right, Sir.

Cyril: He is? Well,
that's a stupid question.

Anyone could have
guessed that right.

Ask him another one.

Pig 2: Um..okay, er..what
color were your old boots?

Pig 3: No peaking.

Simon: Green.

Pig 1: Right again, Sir.

Cyril: What? A lucky guess.

Give him a touch one this time.

Pig 1: Ur..okay, did these
boots have any buckles?

Cyril: Is that all
you're going to ask him?!

Questions about boots?

Who cares?

Didn't you find anything
else in that trunk?

Anything at all?

Pig 1: All we got
were his boots.

Cyril: And here's three more.

Pigs: [squeal]

Bert: Simon Sneer, Diary.. Hm!

[reading] Last week, Sid
played a cruel trick on me.

Hid a spider in my bed.

He knows I hate spiders.

Got my revenge today.

I put a worm down his back.

He was terrified.

I laughed till it hurt.

Hmm..

Sounds to me like
there's an important clue

in here somewhere, Broo.

Broo: [barks]

Bert: Hey, let's do
what Luke Warm would do.

♪♪

♪ Nobody knows us when
we're coming out ♪

♪♪

♪ Nobody shows us what to do

♪♪

♪ No one can tell you

♪ what growing up

♪ is all about

♪♪

♪ No one can live your
life for you ♪

♪♪

♪ We're growing up,

♪♪

♪ Growing up

♪♪

♪ We will find our way

♪ Growing up,

♪♪

♪ Showing up

♪♪

♪ Always knew somedaaaaay

♪ That growing up,

♪♪

♪ Growing up

There's a price to pay

Cedric: Oh hi, Bert.

Bert: Uhh..oh.. hi, Cedric.

[laughs] Watcha been up to?

Cedric: Uncle Simon
and I have been doing

all sorts of things.

He's going to make
me a sailor, Bert.

He's such a great guy.

Bert: But, gee, Cedric,
what if by some chance,

he isn't your uncle after all?

There's something
suspicious about him..

Coming here and spending
so much time with you,

just out of the blue.

Cedric: Why is it so suspicious,

that he'd want to
spend time with me?

Why can't you just accept,

that uncle Simon likes me

and wants to spend time with me?

Bert: Well. Maybe you're
just not getting the full
picture.

Picture! That's it!

I just know that
there's something here

that I've overlooked.

All I need is a closer look.

Hey, Melissaaaaaa!!

Cedric: Pop?

Cyril: What is it, Cedric?

Cedric: A letter for you.

Cyril: What's this?

Legal notepaper?

S. Moleman, lawyer..

Simon Sneer.

Hm! Proof positive
he's brother..

Court order..

Due tomorrow..

I don't believe this..

I have to turn over
half my fortune tomorrow?!

Without as much as a fight?

Cedric: Gee, Pop,
it's not all your money.

Cyril: Not all mine?
Who's is it then?

Cedric: Well.. uncle Simon's.

Cyril: What's he need it for?

So he can take you
away with him.. sailing?

♪♪

Melissa: Here it is, Bert.

I've enlarged the photograph.

Bert: Ah, great, Melissa!

Now, unless I've
missed my guess...

Aha!! Look, Melissa.

There's somebody gardening!

See in the background?

Melissa: So?

Bert: If we can
find out who he is,

he could help us
identify Simon!

And prevent Cedric from getting
hurt before it's too late!

♪♪

♪♪

Ralph: Bingo, Bert.

Here's the information
you were looking for.

The groundskeeper for Sneer
estates retired ten years ago,

and is presently living
alone in the back hills.

His name is Fern.

Bert: Come on, Broo!

We've got to find
Fern right away.

♪♪

Hi!

Say, your name wouldn't
happen to be Fern, would it?

Fern: [laughs]

You got it in one, sonny.

Bert: Do you
remember Simon Sneer?

I mean, could you recognize
him after all these years?

Fern: Simon Sneer?!

Heh..down at the Sneer estates?

If there's one thing I
never forget, it's a face.

Bert: Alright. Let's go, Fern.

I need your help.

Cyril: How can
this be happening?

I worked hard for
all of this. It's mine!

And in just a few hours
I'll be giving it away

like glasses at a gas station.

Ralph: Mr. Sneer..
Simon: Call me Simon.

Ralph: Simon, do you
find too hard to believe

that in a few short moments
you'll be splitting up

the biggest empire in the
history of the Evergreen forest?

Mr. Moleman: My client and I

have incontestable evidence

of his relationship
to Cyril Sneer.

There's nothing
unbelievable about it.

Cyril: This is the
worst day of my life.

Remind me never to
have a brother again.

Cedric, I hope this
won't be too hard on you.

Cedric: Not at all, Pop.

I'm not losing something,

I'm gaining...an uncle.

Time to go in, Pop.

[click!]

Hi, uncle Simon.

Cyril: Don't call him that.

Mr. Moleman: Mr, Sneer.
Sign here, please.

Cyril: I can't believe
I'm doing this.

Bert: Not so fast, everybody!

All: Huh?

Simon: What's going on here?

What's the meaning
of this intrusion?

Bert: Bert Raccoon,

ace detective to the rescue.

Ralph/Melissa: Oh no.

Cedric: Bert, please!
We've all had enough of this.

Bert: Hear me out, Cedric.

I'm about to cr*ck
this case wide open.

I think my guest will
answer a lot of questions.

Okay, you see anybody familiar?

Fern: Oh my gosh! Yes!

Bert: Huh? You do?

Fern: [chuckles] Simon!

It's been years.

How are you?

Bert: Oh Fern! That's not Simon!

Fern: What?

Bert: Have you lost your mind?

Fern: Lost my line? When it's
twenty pound test line, boy,

you never lose it.

Mr. Moleman: Is there a point
to any of this, Mr. Bert?

Simon: We're in the
midst of a very important

business transaction here.

Bert: Hold it.

You might believe, you
thought of everything,

but there's one small
bug in your plan, Simon.

This one.

Simon: It appears
to be a spider.

Bert: Huh?

Simon: I overcame my childish
fear of them years ago.

Let's get this
business done with.

Cedric: Leave uncle
Simon alone, Bert.

You're just fishing for
clues, that aren't there.

Fern: What's that?
Fishing with shoes?

Forget it!
[chuckles]

Use some of these.

Fern: These are the best.
Simon: Worms!!!

Keep 'em away from me!
Keep 'em away from me!

Aahh!!

Bert: He's afraid of worms..

Afraid of worms!

Hey! You must be.. Sid Leech?

Cedric: Sid! Who's Sid?

Bert: I have here
some hard evidence,

Simon's old diary.

Listen!

[reading]
Sid played a cruel trick on me.

Hid a spider in my bed.

I got revenge today.

Put a worm down his back.

He was terrified. Ha!

Cyril: Simon's diary?

Where did that come from?

Pigs: Beats us, Sir.

Bert: I put it to
you, Mr. Leech,

that as a boyhood friend
of Cyril's brother,

you would know everything
there was to know

about the Sneer family.

Simon: Preposterous!

Bert: So it's easy for
you to pose as Simon.

Simon: Ha! Sheer fabrication.

Cyril: Sid. Ha. Of course.

You weasel.

You used to
always
steal my candy.

How could I possibly forget you?

Simon: But..but..

Cedric: You mean,
you're not my uncle?

Why would you do this to me?

Mr. Moleman:
Mr. Simon, or Leech,

or whatever your name is,

under the circumstances,

I can no longer
offer you my services.

Here is my fee..

Payable immediately.

Simon: Undone.. by a worm.

[click]

♪

Cyril: Cedric..I..er.. I know,

I haven't been paying much
attention to you lately.

Cedric: That's alright, Pop.

I know how much you
hate paying for anything.

[laughs]
Cyril: Heh heh..

but if you'd care to join me,

I'd love to take you
to the ball game.

Cedric: No Pigs?
Cyril: No Pigs.

♪♪

Ralph: Your detective
work was nothing short of

remarkable, Bert.

Bert: [chuckles] Naturally.

Schaeffer: One thing still
puzzles me though, Bert.

What first made you suspicious?

Bert: Well..
it was his handshake.

He claimed to have
built a boat by hand,

but he had soft hands.

That kind of work would
give you plenty of calluses.

Melissa: And that's how you
deduced he was an imposter?

Bert: Yep..an old childhood
friend of Simon's.

In fact, he and Simon
went to school together.

Ralph: Oh, high school?

Bert: Elementary, my dear Ralph.

Elementary!

[laughs]

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪ When darkness falls

♪♪

♪ Leaving shadows in the night

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ Wipe that fear from
your eyes ♪

♪♪

♪ The desperate love

♪♪

♪ Keeps on driving you wrong

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ You're not alone

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪