03x03 - The Chips Are Down!

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: This is the
Evergreen forest.

Quiet, peaceful, serene.

That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.

Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!

♪♪

Yeeeehaaaa!

Yikes!

Yaaaah...
[bam!]

[laughs]
[smash!]

Yeaaaah!

Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.

Broo: [panting]

♪♪

Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...

Cyril Sneer!

[bleep blarp bloop]

And his life would be simple
except for...

the Raccoons!!

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪♪

Cyril: No, no, not
computer chips, Knox.

Potato chips!

It's a guaranteed market.

Everybody likes
potato chips!

Knox: Oh, that's
all very well, Sir.

But the bottom line is sales.

How well are these chips
selling, Sneer?

Sneer: They're selling
like hot potatoes. [laughs]

Mr Knox: In that case,
I am interested

in buying your factory.

I'll drop by on Tuesday at noon

to close the deal.

Of course, I want to see
those sales figures.

Sneer: Great! See you then!

The Pig 1: But, boss,
sales figures for

Sneer's snacks are way down.

The Pig 2: Knox won't
buy the company,

if he sees those figures.

Sneer: He won't, because
you're going to get them up.

My chips have no nutrient value.
Lots of additives.

And I've started a whole new
line of my favourite flavours.

They should be best sellers.

The Pig 1: Uh, some of the
flavours aren't all that...

[laughs]
popular, boss.

Sneer: Nonsense!
This one for instance.

Try it. Turnip with
sardine flavour.

Ha. It's great!

The Pigs: Ugh!

Ack!
Sneer: See, what I mean!

Great stuff!!

But I'm still losing a fortune.

I've got to unload this company.

Get those sales figures up!

Up! Up!

The Pig 1: How about a contest?
With a grand prize giveaway?

Sneer: Giveaway?!
Never use that word around me!

The Pig 3:
Uh, sorry, boss.

But we have to have
some sort of prize.

The Pig: Um.. how about a bike?

Every kid loves a bike.

Sales are sure to go up.

Sneer: Hmm, a contest?

Yes! A contest!

And to make sure chip
sales keep going up,

we'll make it a contest

no one can win. Get it?

Sneer/The Pigs: [laughing]

♪♪

Bert: Ah! Nothing like
an ice cold bottle

of peanut butter soda

after a hot bike ride,
huh Ralph?

Ralph: Hi, Mr. Willow.

Bert: Ya, Hi, Mr. Willow!

Mr. Willow: Howdy, boys.

Ralph: One bottle
of lemonade

and a peanut
butter soda, please.

Bert: Wow! A blue phantom!

Chewy chips, huh?

The silent snack.

Grand prize giveaway?

That's for me!!

[reading] Put the
puzzle pieces together,

complete the picture
of the blue phantom,

and win, wiiin, wiiiin!

Woooow! A blue phantom.
[laughs]

Ehm, I think I'll have
chips instead, Ralph.

Ralph: Bert, how can you eat
chips when you're thirsty?

Bert: I want to win the prize!

Uh, here ya go,
Mr. Willow.

Mr. Willow:
Thanks, Bert.

Bert: [chewing]

One piece down,
nine to go. [giggles]

Uh, better
get another bag.

Ralph: Bert, why
are you buying these?

You only get five
chips in every bag.

And if Cyril is
running this contest,

just what do you figure
your chances are

of actually winning?

Bert: The same chances as
everybody else, Ralph.

If you don't play,
you can't win!

Here.

Ralph: Blech!
What is this flavour?

Bert: Uh, fried egg
and broccoli.

Ralph: Blech! They
don't even crunch, Bert.

Bert: Yeah, you're right,
but what do you want?

Good taste or a prize?!

I'll take another
bag, Mr. Willow.

Ralph: Oh, come on, Bert.
You've had two bags.

Bert: Yeah, yeah.
You're right, Ralph.

See ya, Mr. Willow!
Mr. Willow: Come again!

♪♪

Pig 1: We've got one
of these displays

in every store, everywhere!

Pig 2: We've got radio
and tv spots,

every hour on the hour.

Pig 3: Sales are
definitely up. See?

Cyril: That's not good enough!

I want billboards!

I want ads on
the sides of buses!

I want junk mail
on every doorstep!

Get those sale figures
up by Tuesday!

I want to unload
those chips...on Knox!

Pigs: Yes, Sir!

[hoofs tapping]

Bert: I want both of you
to know that this

is my favourite thing..

Ironing.. on a
sunny afternoon.

Yes, I don't want to go
fishing or bike riding.

Oh no, just let me iron.

Ralph: It's gotta
be done, Bert.

[distant humming]
Melissa/Ralph: Huh?!

[airplane humming]

Bert: Huh? [reading]
Eat Sneer's chewy chips

and win the blue phantom?

The blue phantom! Oh!

Ralph: Bert...

Bert!! Your shirt!

Bert: Wh-what?!

Ralph: Bert!

Bert: Well, I guess that's it.

I've had it for today.

I gotta get some...fresh air.

Yeah! I'm going for a ride.

Melissa: Well, it is a nice day.

Ralph and I will come with you.

Bert: No..no.
You don't have to.

[bicycle bell ringing]

Uh, suddenly,
I feel kinda hungry.

I think I need a snack.

Ralph: Well, we could head back

and I'll make you a great salad!

Bert: Uh-oh-uh, no!

I was thinking of something

a bit more...exotic.

Uh-oh-uh, how about
a bag of chips?

Melissa: You call
chips exotic, Bert?

Bert: Yeah, if it's sour
cream and liver flavour.

Say Ralph, you got fifty cents?

Thanks. See you at the store.

Ralph: Blech! Ugh..

He must really want
to win that prize.

I hope it's worth it.

Melissa: It couldn't be.

Sour cream and liver. Yuck!

[machine humming]

Pig 1: Sales are way up, boss.

Cyril: Yeah? And how much is all
this advertising costing me?

Pig 2: Well, you can't
look at it that way, boss.

Cyril: I always
look at it that way!

Pig 1: But boss,
the contest is working.

The sales figures
will be sky high

by the time Knox sees them.

Cyril: As long as
nobody wins the prize!

Pig 3: They won't win.

They'll just keep
buying and buying,

hoping to find the last
piece of the picture

of the blue phantom.

Pig 1: And there's
only one piece

that can complete the puzzle.

Pig 2: And we've got it

right here, boss.

Cyril: [laughs]
Brilliant!

You, pigs, are finally
learning something from me!

Lock that piece in the vault!

[laughs]

♪♪

Bert: I just need one more piece

but it's not here, Broo.

It's not fair!

[crunching]

Yuck! Ralph's right.
They don't crunch.

Ech!

Good night, Broo.

♪♪

[panting]

Where's my prize?

What happened?

Cyril: You didn't buy enough!

There's one piece missing.

You didn't buy enough!

There's one piece missing.

Buy! Buy! Buy!

[evil laughter]

Bert: Oh-oh!

[gasping]

That.. that was horrible!

Ooh! I gotta win.

I gotta buy more!

Aha. Money!!

[smash!]

Oh no! Only 35 cents!

But I know I'm gonna win.

I know that winning
piece is gonna be

in the very next bag I buy!

I just gotta get
some money somehow!

♪♪

[birds chirping]

Melissa: I'm
worried about Bert.

He's obsessed
with potato chips,

and winning that bike.

Schaeffer: It can't be
as bad as all that, Melissa.

[slow creaking steps]

♪ [slow sad music]

♪♪

[slow crunching]

Bert: [sad giggle]

Schaeffer:
Bert, are you ok?

Bert: Umm,..sure. Why?

Schaeffer: Would you
like some toast, Bert?

Bert: Neah. I'm not hungry.

Melissa: Bert, we were thinking
of going on a picnic today.

Do you want to come?

Bert: Nah.
Thanks, Melissa,

but.. I've got things to do.

Important things!

Look at this,
my bronzed baby booties.

My Captain California
skateboard.

My complete collection
of baseball cards.

My first guitar..

Aaah!

This should be
worth a few bucks.

Cedric: Hi, Bert.
What are you doing?

Bert: Oh, hi, Cedric.

A yard sale is what I'm doing.

Cedric: You can't
sell this, Bert.

It's all your good stuff!

Bert: Nah. It' s just junk.

I've outgrown it all.

Look at this
baseball card, Cedric.

Mickey Mantelpiece.
A collector's item!

Yo-you wanna buy it?

Cedric: Gee, Bert, I, uh,
don't really think..

Bert: No? Well...

how about this baseball glove?

I only used it to play catch.

It's a good deal.
Uh..two bucks. Okay?

Cedric: Okay,
if you're sure, Bert.

Bert: I'm sure, I'm sure!!

You drive a hard
bargain, Cedric!

Listen, sell the rest of
this stuff for me, okay?

I.. uh.. gotta go..uh..

somewhere.

Cedric: But..
but where are you..?

But, but..uh..

See ya, Bert.

Ralph: Hi, Cedric!
What are you doing

with all of Bert's stuff?

Cedric: Uh, he asked me to
sell it, then he rode off!

Melissa: Towards
Mr. Willow's store, Cedric?

Cedric: I guess.
He had two dollars.

Ralph: Oh no! He's
gone to buy more chips!

Bert's fixation with
winning that contest

is getting out of hand.

Schaeffer: Hm, what
are we going to do?

♪♪

Pig 1: You were supposed
to put that in the vault!

Pig 3: Yeah, I know, but I,

um, forgot the combination.

Was it 4-12-4
or the other way around?

Pig 2: Well,
never mind that now.

We don't have time!

Just put it someplace safe.

Pig 1: And don't
let the boss know.

Now get to work.

♪ [upbeat music]

♪♪

♪ Where is this
conversation going? ♪

♪♪

♪ Don't like the game
we're playing at all ♪

♪♪

♪ I've got my cards out
on the table ♪

♪♪

♪ You're holding back for
something more ♪

♪♪

♪ There's nothing more

♪♪

♪ Restless in the night

♪♪

♪ Burning like a light

♪♪

♪ Desperate in the night

♪ For something more

♪♪

♪ Restless in the night

♪♪

♪ Burning like a light

♪♪

♪ Desperate in the night






Pig: The last piece!
I've lost it!

♪♪

Stooooop that bag!

♪♪

Pig 1: We'd better get that
winning piece back, pronto!

Pig 2: Yeah. Before the boss

makes snack food out of us!

♪♪

♪ [gentle music]

Cedric: Any luck
finding the missing

piece of the puzzle, Bert?

Bert: Nah, I didn't..

Hey, who told you?

Cedric: Melissa and Ralph
are a bit worried about

the way you're letting
this contest get to you.

Bert: It isn't
getting to me, Cedric!

And I wish they'd
mind their own business!

Hey, you sold all my stuff!

[chuckles] Good!

How much did you make, Cedric?

Five bucks!

Quit kidding around, Cedric.

Where's the rest of the money?

Cedric: That's it, Bert.
Bert: Five bucks?

You sold all my good stuff

for five measly bucks?!

[sobs] I trusted you, Cedric.

How could you sell
my flugelhorn,

my comic books, my woodchuck
berry guitar pick,

my guitar..

All for $5?

Cedric: But Bert..

Bert: Thanks, Cedric.
Thanks a lot.

You're some friend.

Well, I guess this is my

last chance at the blue phantom,

aah..

every guy's dream.

Cedric: But Bert,
your chances of finding

the last piece are astronomical!

Bert: That's the difference
between you and me, Cedric.

Huh! I'm willing
to take a chance!

My destiny awaits!

Cedric: Oh, hi g*ng.

He wasn't happy, but he
took the five dollars anyway.

This is serious!

[hoofs tapping]

♪♪

[hoofs tapping]

♪♪

[cash register clicking]

[hoofs tapping]

♪♪

[hoofs tapping]

Pig 1: That's the last delivery.

Pig 2: [out of breath]
It's gotta be in there!

Pig 3: I hope so.
I can't go any further.

Mr. Willow: Bert, surely
you're not buying more chips?

Bert: Yeah I am Mr. Willow,
and please,

don't you lecture me too.

I know what I'm doing!

My last chance.
And no money left!

Ralph! Melissa!

I-I'm so glad
you're here.

Hey, ya got 50 cents?

Melissa: Bert, you're
letting this contest

take over your life!

Ralph: Look, what's
happening to you.

Bert: Ralphie,
there's one bag left!

If the winning piece
isn't there, I'll stop.

I promise ya.

Melissa. Please?

You-you'll think differently,
when I'm the winner

of the blue phantom,

the most fabulous
prize there is.

Please!!

A quarter each. Please? Please?!

Ralph: Okay, Bert. But that bag

is the last one, you promise?

Bert: Yeah yeah yeah yeah!

Pig 2: Hold it!
Pig 3: That's our bag!

Bert: Huh?
[hoofs tapping]

Oh no, you don't!

Pig 1: Get him, boys!

Bert/Pigs: [shouting/commotion]

Ralph: Bert, stop it!

Bert/Pigs: [shouting/commotion]

Mr. Willow: Stop it right now,
before somebody gets hurt!

Bert: Uuh!
Pig 2: We got it!

We got it!

Melissa: Hey! Come back here
with our bike!

♪♪

Pigs: Whoaa!

♪♪

Yeow!

♪♪

Bert: Gimme back that bag!

♪♪

Pigs: Woah!

♪ [triumphant music]

Bert: Hahaha! I win!

[laughs]

I win! I win! It's all mine!

I win I win I win!! Haha!

Melissa/Ralph: [sigh]
Bert: Yaaaahoooo!

Hey! Aren't you happy for me?

I won! I won.

But..I-I won..

I..won.

Melissa: I expected,
Bert back before now.

Ralph: He's probably out riding

on his new blue
phantom, Melissa.

I imagine, he won't
be back for awhile.

[bike horn honking]

Bert: Hi, guys.

Um, listen, there's
something i'd like to say.

I sold everything I had,

wasted my time and money.

But what's worse..

I insulted my friends

and I ignored their good advice.

Winning that way,
just isn't worth the price.

But.. anyway,
I got a little something

for you, Ralph and Melissa.

♪♪

Melissa: Oh, Bert!
It's beautiful!

But how could you afford it?

Bert: Ahh, I sold
the Blue Phantom.

I paid Mr. Willow for
the damage to his store too,

and well, I got you this.

Ralph: Oh, thanks, Bert.

And we've got a little
something for you too!

Bert: Hey, my stuff!

It's all here.

M-my snowshoes,

my pogo stick.

Oh, my wind-up teeth.

My guitar!

Especially my guitar!

Schaeffer: We couldn't
let you throw away

all the things you love, Bert.

Bert: Gee thanks, guys.

But, if I'd never gotten
any of this stuff back,

I'd still have you.

Oh, hey, guess what?

I still got 50 cents left.

Enough to buy a bag of chips.

Everyone: Bert!!
Bert: Just kidding! [laughs]

Just kidding, guys.
[giggles]

♪♪

Cyril: Alright.
Give me the bad news!

How much did the
ad campaign cost me?

I can take it.

Cedric: Okay, Pop.

Four hundred and
seventy three thousand,

two hundred and
ninety two dollars

and thirty three cents.

Cyril: I can't take it!

Knox backs out of the sale,

and I'm stuck with a warehouse
full of potato chips!

Those pigs had better
come up with a way

to get rid of those chips,

or I'll turn them into chops!

[hoofs tapping]
About time! What's for dinner?

Pig 1: Tuna and
potato chip casserole.

Pig 2: Scallops, cinnamon
and lima bean potato chips.

Pig 3: And immitation
bacon potato chip

and marshmallow pie.

Cyril: Ooooww.

I feel sick!

Owwwwww.

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪ When darkness falls

♪♪

♪ Leaving shadows in the night

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ Wipe that fear from
your eyes ♪

♪♪

♪ The desperate love

♪♪

♪ Keeps on driving you wrong

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ You're not alone

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪