01x05 - Now You See Him... Now You Don't

[bunniefuu]

[ theme music playing ]

[ knocks on door ]

Yes, who is it?

dr. Carl haskell.

- What do you want?
- please, I must speak to you.

Shut the door
please.

You are maxwell smart,
secret agent 86?

Perhaps.

You're dr. Carl haskell
the physicist,
aren't you?

Yes.i thought
I'd be frank
with you.

I need
your help.

As I recall,
dr. Haskell,

You were working
on a top-secret
project

- For our government
and suddenly--
- yes, suddenly I disappeared.

They say you defected
to the enemy.

I was taken prisoner,
kidnapped

- By-- by kaos.
- Kaos?

Yes, of course,
the international
organization of evil.

Well, I've dealt
with them before.

- They let you go?
- No, I escaped,

But not before
they forced me
to turn over to them

The results
of my most secret
experiment...

- Yes, go on, doctor.
- I invented a g*n

Whose ray can turn
a man invisible.

Kaos now has it
in their possession.

Do you realize
the implications?

Yes of course,

But I find it very
difficult to believe.

Would you believe
that I have the plans
and designs of that g*n

Here with me,
in this briefcase?

You can turn them over
to your government,

But meantime
I must be protected.

Yes, well, dr. Haskell,
now that you are here

I'm sure that you have
nothing to worry about.

Man's voice:
stand still, gentlemen.
if either of you moves

- the doctor will die.
- who said that?

- i did.
- it's kaos.

[ Trembling ]
they found me!

- Now listen,
whoever you are--
- man #2: don't move, smart.

there are two of us here.
if you try anything

i will sh**t you
and my associate will
take care of the doctor.

- Man #1: that's right.
- oh!

You're breaking my arm!

come on, doctor.
you're coming back
with us.

- Man #2: bring
the briefcase, haskell.
- [ Grunting ]

open the door.

Man #1: right.
before we leave you,

a little something
to remember us by,
mr. Smart.

Man #2:
let me give you a message
for your government.

you can have the plans
for the invisibility ray

for $10 million.

if you don't want it,
there are other nations
who will.

Haskell:
stop them!

[ Coughing ]

[ theme music playing ]

...then the g*n went off,
I got hit on the face

By a puff of smoke,
and I came to


Max, I don't mean
to suggest that you
are not telling the truth,

But isn't it just conceivable
that this whole affair

- Could have been a bad dream?
- Absolutely not, chief.

I tell you, I saw
two invisible men.

Uh, that is,
I didn't see
two invisible men.

What I mean
to say is

I saw two men
who were not
in my apartment

Who were there.

Max, think what you're
asking me to believe.

It's science fiction.
It's a fantasy.

Yes, but this isn't.

"Our representative
will be at your apartment
tonight.

If the money is not ready
we will be glad to sell
the secret

To your country's enemies."
Signed--

I can't make out
the signature.

It's invisible.

All right, max.
It's inconceivable,

But in this rapidly
changing world
who knows?

Have the boys from the lab
go to smart's apartment

And tell agent 99
to meet me there.

What are we going
to do, chief?

You'd better write down
these instructions.

- We've got to be precise.
- Right, chief.

First of all, plan "a"--

If they do show up
without the ray g*n--

Hold on a second, chief,
you got a piece of paper?

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

If they show up
at your apartment
without the ray g*n

- you've got to force them--
- just a minute, chief,

Do you have a pencil?

- I think so.
- Thank you.

If they show up
at your apartment
without the ray g*n

You've got to force them
to take you to their hideout

And find a way
to confiscate the w*apon.
You got that?

"Plan 'a'."

I have a feeling
this is going to take
too long.

"I have a feeling..."

Come on, max.

Come on, max.

Now if they show up
with the ray g*n

We put plan "b"
into effect.

"...take too long."

Never mind that.

Just listen.
If they have
the ray g*n

You strike a match
at that window.

When you strike that match
it will be a signal for us
to move in for the capture.

What if they try
to take a shot of me?

If they should do that

You'll be protected
by doing this.

[ Clicks ]

The boys from our lab
installed it earlier today.

Applying pressure
to the edge of this desk

Will lower an invisible wall
that nothing can penetrate.

One question,
chief--

If the wall
is invisible,

- Then how do you know
if it's up or down?
- [ Thud ]

That's one way.

That's fantastic.

- You can't even
tell it's there.
- [ Thud ]

How do you
raise it?

By leaning
on the desk again.

Now if they should try
to k*ll you

This invisible wall
will serve to prevent
your harm...

Sorry about that,
chief.

...at which time
they will undoubtedly
return to their hideout

- To report the incident.
- And that's when I follow
them, right?

- Wrong.
- Wrong.

In that case
from across the court

And she will follow them.
I don't think they'd be
suspicious of a woman.

But what if their hideout
is in the y.m.c.a.?

Then she'll call you.

I'm not a member.

Max, do you have
something for a headache?

You know, chief,
you want to go and
have a check-up.

You've been getting
these headaches
often lately.

Only on occasions, max.

Well, you've had one
every time I've been
with you.

Those are
the occasions.

- Ah, ah.
- What's the matter?

- Don't do that, chief.
- Why not?

Well, you see
I happen to have
a few protective devices

Of my own.
This is one of them.

Now I'll show you
how it works.

Here, you hold the glass.
Hold it out there.

Now watch.

- Very ingenious, max.
- Oh, that's nothing, chief.

Wait till you get
a load of this one.

Now watch what happens
when I turn this lamp on

Without using
the safety switch.

Anyone rifling the drawers
is gonna end up with
quite a stomachache.

- Anything else?
- Well, if you liked that

You'll get a big kick
out of this, chief.

I've got a special mantrap
operated from this couch.

- Mantrap?
- Yes.

- You see that net
up there?
- Yeah.

Well, you merely
press this button here--

No no, max, thank you.
I've seen enough.

Where do you get
the ideas for all
these devices?

I've got this funny
little decorator, you see.

- What is that?
- Oh, now that really is
sensational, chief.

Stand aside
and I'll show you
how it works.

Lend me your hat.

Okay now,
when I drop
this hat,

You pull the knob.
You ready?

- Ready.
- Okay, one,
two, three, go.

[ Whoosh ]

Okay, you can turn it off
now, chief.

- What?
- Turn it off.

Well, how do you like it?

It's amazing.
What is it?
Some kind of a fan?

Yes, it is some
kind of a fan.

If somebody stands there
and threatens me
with a g*n

I merely pull out the knob,
and the g*n is sucked up
through the chimney.

It took me months
to make it perfect.

- Where is my hat, max?
- Almost perfect.

- Where's my hat?
- Well, I would say

It's about 14th street
and avenue "n"...

- What?
- ...according
to the wind velocity

- And the density
of the hat.
- Smart!

[ knocking on door ]

That must be 99,
chief.

- Hello, 86.
- Hello, 99.

- Good evening, chief.
- Hello, 99.


The plan and your duties.

- I'm counting on you.
- Good, chief.

Now, 86, remember,

If they have the ray g*n,
a match struck
in that window

Will bring us running.
If they don't have
the ray g*n

And if you can't convince
them to take you with them

To their hideout,


If they do take you
with them, 99 will follow.

Have you got that?

- Good luck, max.
- Thank you, chief.

Oh!

Sorry about
that, chief.

- Uh, 99?
- Yes, 86?

There are certain
secret devices

That have been installed
in this apartment

Which I shall now
demonstrate for you.

[ Thud ]

- Max.
- This is one of them.

You mean to tell me
that you came here
without the invisible ray g*n

And you expect me
to believe that such
a silly g*n exist?

Well, gentlemen,
I'm afraid you're going
to have to show me.

- You see, I'm from minnesota.
- You mean missouri.

Missouri.
Don't tell me
where I'm from.

The kaos agents
have just entered
max's apartment, chief.

It looks to me like
they didn't even bring
the ray g*n with them.

Now max
is stalling.

He's trying to get
as much information
as he can.

Gentlemen, I'm afraid
that your g*ns
are useless.

You see,
there's an invisible wall
between us.

Go ahead, sh**t.
The b*ll*ts will merely
bounce off.

You'll simply
be wasting your amm*nit*on.

Now I don't care
to discuss it
any further.

[ knocks ]

Unless of course
we discuss it
at your place.

The kaos agents
are taking max to their
hideout, chief.

I'm gonna hang up now
and follow them.

I'll check in later.
Oh, don't worry,
I'll be careful.

[ Screams ]

Welcome, mr. Smart.

So good of you
to come.

My name is ehrlich.

I'd like you to meet
some of my associates.

Colonel von krueger.

- wie geht's?
- danke.

And dr. E.k. Gambini.

piacere,
signor smart.

[ italian accent ]
welcome to our humble
hideout.

Buongiorno.

Now what's all
this tommyrot
about invisibility?

There's nobody
there.

On the contrary,
they are very much there.

just invisible.
[ giggles ]

Please, mr. Smart,
sit down.

Is there anybody
there?

Sophie, offer our guest
a cigarette.

Sophie?

Woman's voice:
cigarette, mr. Smart?

Yes.thank you.

if there's anything
else you want, just ask.

perhaps signor smart
would like some wine.

A splendid suggestion.

I'll chose it myself.
Excuse me.

Now that we are alone
I want to give you

A last chance
to give yourselves up.

There's still time for you
to take your place
in society

As normal, decent,
invisible men

And women.

[ Clicks ]
excellent!
Excellent!

Your wire-pulling
is precise.

And your voices
are superb.
Keep it up!

The lighting
is perfect.

The wires can hardly
be seen even by me.

[ Clicks ]

Krueger and gambini,
you'll never get away
with this mad scheme.

Sophie:
would you like some
hors d'oeuvres, mr. Smart?

Yes, sophie,
as a matter of fact
I would.

Now listen, sophie,
if you'll turn over
the ring onto me

I'll see that you
get off lightly.
How about it?

here are your
hors d'oeuvres,
mr. Smart.

Well, the least
you could do is wear
a strong perfume, sophie.

did you say something,
mr. Smart?

Here we are.

We'll have some wine
and then settle
all the business.

Sophie,
some glasses,
please.

Watch out!

Man's voice:
watch out!

- Who came in?
- Uh...

Aha.
Very clever,
mr. Ehrlich,

But not quite clever enough.
You had me fooled
for a while,

But now I'm wise
to you.

There is no sophie
and there is no gambini.

- There isn't?
- no,

Because colonel krueger
over there

Is a ventriloquist.

Come come,
mr. Smart.

Tell me where
is the money?

There'll be no money,
mr. Ehrlich,

Not until
I'm firmly convinced.

So far I haven't received
one shred of evidence

That a ray g*n exists
that can make people
invisible.

Gambini:
what about us,
signor smart?

Yes, well,
you could have been
born invisible.

Ehrlich!
Show him
the ray g*n.

- But...
- do as I say!

All right.

there it is,
mr. Smart.

Aha.
How does it work?

Very simply.
This dial governs
the intensity of the ray,

This dial governs
the duration
of the invisibility,

Let's say five minutes.
Then one turns that dial
and it's on.

- Simple, isn't it?
- Yes, I suppose so,

As far as ray g*ns go.
Why don't you try it
on me, ehrlich?

Then maybe
I might believe you.

Oh no, mr. Smart.
We are not as foolish
as that.

Oh, how foolish
are you?

If I turn the ray on you--
presto-- you disappear,

We lose
a valuable prisoner.

- Sophie, what are you doing?
- What?oh!

Argh!

[ Beeping ]

Aha.
A low trick, ehrlich,
but it worked.

Now I'm as invisible
as the rest of you.

Now I have
the upper hand.

But I can see
my upper hand.

And I can see
my lower hand.

Why, I can see
all of me.

Ehrlich, the ray g*n
was a phony and so are you.

Well...

Gambini:
of course you can see
yourself, signor smart.

We can all see
ourselves,

But nobody else
can see us.

That's right.
Only you can see
yourself,

mr. Smart,
wherever you are.

Gambini:
don't let him
escape.

Sophie's:
don't leave me,
mr. Smart.

we have so much
to talk about together.

No, leave me alone.

What is she doing
here, you fool?

- She got away.
- Don't worry, 99,
it's me, max, max.

I'm here to protect you.
You are perfectly safe.

Even though
you can't see me,
I'll protect you.

What are you talking about?
I can see you.

Yes, of course.
You can see me,
but I can't see myself.

No, wait a minute.
I can see myself,
but you can't--

Myself--
i--

Wait right here.

How does that go
again, ehrlich?

- I can see myself--
- enough.

You had to let
her escape.
Out out!

All right,
mr. Smart.

Now you realize
this whole thing
is a hoax--

That we have
no invisibility
ray g*n,

That there is
no gambini,

- No krueger--
- of course!

Sophie is
the ventriloquist.

I was the ventriloquist,
mr. Smart.

Obviously, they've been
deceiving you, max.

Yes, but fortunately
I found out just in time.

Why, they've been
using wires

And a loudspeaker
system.

- Exactly, mr. Smart.
- You have?

- What about haskell?
- He's our associate.

Oh.
But my apartment.

How did you arrange
my apartment?

Just this briefcase,
mr. Smart,

With built-in
stereo speakers,

With a prerecorded
tapes of the voices

Of my invisible
companions.

Man's voice: i'll sh**t you and
my associate will take care
of the doctor.

- Man #2: that's right.
- but the g*n,

How did you manage
the g*n?

Watch.
You look closely,
mr. Smart.

you can see the wires
that attach the g*n

To a control
mechanism

which I operate.

But I can see
those wires perfectly.

Now you can see them,
but late at night when
the lights are low

and you are open
to suggestion

because you are tired,
very tired--

Enough!
All right, mr. Smart,

Tell us
where is the money.

Well, ehrlich,
you leave me no choice.

I suppose we'll have
to take you to my apartment.

Control is
scheduled to call me there
at exactly 9:00 p.m.

Now if they are
assured that 99 and I
are perfectly safe,

Then and only then

Will they reveal where
the money is planted.

Let's go, mr. Smart.
Let's go.

All right, smart,
that phone had better
start ringing.

It's two minutes
until 9:00.

Oh, is it that late?
No wonder I'm so hungry.

Say, I've got a great idea.
There is a little
chinese restaurant

- About three
blocks from here.
- Look around, haskell.

- I'm going to give
the signal now.
- What are you whispering about?

Oh, I was just telling 99
that I was going to have
a cigarette.

Anybody
got a light?

[ Clicking ]

Anybody
got some flint?

Haskell,
what time is it?

One and a half
minutes to 9:00.

Keep looking
at your watch.

I want to know exactly
when to k*ll mr. Smart.

Max, while we're waiting,
why don't we all have
a little drink?

No, I'm not thirsty, 99.

Oh, max...

Yes, that might be
a good idea.

Mr. Ehrlich,
how about a little
scotch?

I think perhaps
I will.

There you are.

How about
a little soda?

Oh yes.
Or perhaps not.

Hey.

I think you're going
to like that.

It's a real
pepper-upper.

One minute to go.

Does he have
to keep giving the time?

Time is running out,
mr. Smart.

Max, maybe mr. Ehrlich
could use a little
more light.

Huh?

It seems a little dark
over here by the desk.
Ahem.

Yes.
The desk.

- What are you doing?
- I was just going to

Make the room
a little more cheerful.

Just don't try
anything, smart.

Haskell:


There goes
big ben again.

[ Whispering ]
press the button.
The button of the thing--

- Oh!
- The button.

Mr. Ehrlich,
how about a refill?

Yes, I think
I will.

All right,
mr. Smart,

That net
was meant
for me.

- What net?
- That net.

A clumsy trap
that didn't work.

Funny you should
put it that way.

Smart,
your time is up.

Now wait a minute,
ehrlich.

Haskell over here
is the timekeeper.

Haskell,
what time is it?

- 9:00.
- Okay, my time is up.

Now wait a minute,
gentlemen.you win.

I lied about
the phone call.

The money has been here
all the time.

- Where?
- Well, I'll take you
to it.

- It's in the chimney.
- I'll get it myself.

I don't think
he trusts me, haskell.

Just in case
you have any more
of your clumsy tricks.

A fireplace
is an excellent
place to hide weapons.

Here,
keep him
covered.

Sit down,
smart.

- [ Whooshes ]
- [ screaming ]

- Good work, 86!
- Thank you, 99.

Well, we've captured
ehrlich and haskell,
we've saved the government

$10 Million,
and we've beaten
kaos again.

That's right, 99,
but there's one thing
that really makes me happy.

- What's that, 86?
- I think ehrlich's hat
will just fit the chief.

Well, that just about
wraps it up, 99.

Haskell and ehrlich
are on their way
to prison,

The chief likes
ehrlich's hat,

And once again
the forces of virtue

Have triumphed
over the forces
of rottenness.

Max, what would you
have done if the chimney
fan hadn't worked?

Ah, I still had one ace
up my sleeve, 99.

- You see this chair
over here?
- Uh-huh.

Well, inside this chair
is a device

Which when activated
releases a highly potent
sleeping gas.

That's marvelous.
How does it work?

Well, it's really
quite simple, 99.

You merely take
both hands

And press them down
on the arms of the chair.

Then you take both
feet and press them
on the floor,

While pushing
back against
this cushion,

At the same time
releasing a switch
behind this table.

Then the gas comes out
of the ventilating system.

Here, I'll show you.
[ Clicks ]

See?
There it is.

Oh.
Oh, max.

- Oh.
- I think...

We can make it
to the door.

I think we can
make it to the floor.

[ theme music playing ]