02x13 - Sticky Notes

[bunniefuu]

Laura?

Yeah?

Do you have any
of those sticky notes?

You know, those yellow things
that I rely so heavily on?

Uh, no.

You know, those little things.

That I have nicknamed
"My reason for living"?

I don't think
there are any left.

I ordered a case of them
two weeks ago,

and I know I can't go
through a case in two weeks,

as much as I love 'em.

You sure there's nothing
out there?

What about legal pads?

Uh, no.

Really, we're down to nothing.

Well, just bring a box of
pens and we'll call it quits.

Would you do that for me?

What is with you?

I just need... all my
supplies are dwindling here.

You know?

Do you want me
to order some more?

'Cause if you do, just say it.

Well, order them, or if
you wanna swing by your place.

And bring them back,
no questions asked,

you could do
that also, you know?

What are you saying?

I'm not saying anything.

I'm just saying whatever's
more convenient for you.

You could order them or...

Are you accusing me
of stealing office supplies?

No, no, no, in fact, I was
suggesting sometimes I myself.

Will pack up stuff in
a hurry, you know,

and bring things home that
really belong in the office,

and I'm sure that you do
the same, you know.

Or not.

Dad, what a surprise.

Ben.

You're home early, huh?

Well, you know, I left
my clipboard in the kitchen.

Hey, what's the chance you
run up and grab it for me?

Not a good idea, dad.

I'm meeting someone here
in about five minutes,

and I don't wanna miss them.

I didn't realize that
you had a meeting.

I can't miss them, so you'll
have to grab that yourself.

Who are you meeting?

I'm meeting a lady friend.

Someone I know?

No, no, not really.

Well, don't t*rture me, Ben.

Who is the lucky gal...
Tell me, please.

It's the new tenant
from downstairs.

You remember
we saw her moving in?

Last week?

You remember, we almost helped.

Right, with the very large...
Can't help but notice...

Didn't really notice, dad.

I don't...

Well, she is a stunning
young lady, Ben.

I have to say that for you.

You work fast, good for you.

Yeah, you gotta seize
the moment, you know.

Well, that's the truth.

If you wanna be a man,
you gotta take a stand.

Tell me about it...
How'd you meet her?

Technically, this is gonna
be our first real meeting.

In a few minutes.

What do you mean?

So I should really sort of be
alone here, gather my thoughts,

go over my notes, limber up.

Probably you should excuse
yourself and head off to work.

You have a job.

Wasn't that her?

Oh, great, thanks a lot, dad.

So that must have been
a little disappointing,

the first meeting.

Well, actually, I thought
it sorta went well.

I mean, I guess you didn't
really clash on any issues.

Maybe it was better that
I didn't talk right off.

Can't hurt.

Although I think you sort of
cramped my style a little bit.

You were kinda all over me.

You're gonna have
to let this thing evolve.

You were coming up too
close on me.

You're gonna have to let this
thing run its own course, Ben.

You can't sort of force
the issue, you know?

You're a healthy young man.

You know, there's always still
when she comes home from work.

I'll be here.

What, you mean
you're gonna come back?

No, I'm gonna wait here.

Ben, you seem to have her
schedule down pretty tight.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I've been just
keeping tabs on her.

Over the course of the last
week, since she's moved in...

Just looking out
for her interests?

Well, not as much her interests,

but when she leaves, when
she comes back, what she does,

her likes, her dislikes, what
kind of food she orders.

They're gonna lock you up, Ben.

What?

They're gonna lock you up
in a cell for life.

Come on, dad.

You gotta back off.

You gotta give her some space.

What a racket.

This is a racket,
this is a racket.

This is a racket.

You are capitalizing on...

You know what this business
is all about?

Capitalizing on
people's problems.

"Oh boy, let's hope he's
got some new problems!"

You said it.

Yeah.

"I can hear cash."

"Problems from heaven," that
should be the shrink's song.

Not pennies... problems.

And he should change
his name to Dr. Cash.

Oh, that's funny.

I saw something
today that bothered me.

Maybe you can help me with it.

I don't mind people who
park in the handicapped space.

There's always gonna be
people who do that.

They shouldn't do
that, we know that.

You can make a mistake,
maybe you don't see it.

But here's what bothers me:

Handicapped people park
in a regular spot.

I saw it.

It bothered me.

Did you say anything?

No, no, I just can't confront.

I have trouble.

Why is it that my voice
goes up sometimes?

Can you help me with that?

It gets very high, and I
don't know what that means.

Well, I think...
Are your pants tight?

Let me check.

Just let 'em out a notch.

Sit back, let 'em out a notch.

They are tight.

Let me just...
There we go.

That's a lot better there.

Take a deep breath.

There you go.

How does my ass look?

I'm going... actually,
honest to god,

I'm going for a colon exam.

Have you had this
procedure before?

No, I haven't.

Can I recommend something?

Yeah.

Have it done professionally.

You know, that is
not a bad idea,

because I was
a little hesitant at first.


sounds like an odd time.

That's all I'm saying.

So how's it been going?

I'm making progress.

Actually, yesterday,
when I was jogging...

When she was
jogging, I bumped her.

You wanna wash or dry, Ben?

We can do that
while we're talking.

You wanna wash or dry?

You do both.

Ben!

Dry, dry.

Please don't try and nail
me down right now, dad.

I mean, I need...

Come on.

I'll dry.

Okay, so the other day
you're jogging.

Yeah, and I bumped into her.

I mean, I just really
bumped into her.

She fell over, and she said,
"watch where you're going."

That's a good sign,
because she's concerned.

Oh, you think she was giving
you some advice?

Yeah, I didn't
say anything back.

I couldn't think of anything.

Yeah.

And I didn't help her up,
she got up on her own.

Well, you don't wanna
get involved with a woman

who's gonna depend on you
for every little thing.

Am I right?

I think that's true.

I mean, you gotta give
'em their independence.

If you do knock her
down again, though, Ben...

I think you win.

I don't know how the game goes,
but I think two knockdowns.

Three.

Oh, is it three?
I'm sorry.

Laura!

Laura, you should
be a little happier.

You know, I don't know...
What's your problem?

You have a slight swelling
of the attitudinal glands.

Could you please take a seat
until I call your name?

Oh, right!

Like I'm gonna
take orders from you?

I don't think so.

You have a major problem here,
and you need a makeover, honey.

And that's why
you're crabbing out.

I'm gonna fix you up.

Look at this bustier,
look at me.

Oh... don't you
love this look?

Well, you know,
Laura is Laura, you know.

I keep seeing this look on
her face, like she's so bored.

And she's so cute, you know.

She's just tired of everything.

And so why does
she even get out of bed?

I'm not sure, really,
you know, she's...

I don't wanna talk about her.

I wanna talk about you.

I was just trying
to help you with her.

I know that, I appreciate that.

I think your feelings about her
are much stronger than mine.

But my feelings about everything
are stronger than yours, doctor.

Let's face it.

Yes, you're constantly wavering.

Why can't you be definite?

You're always like, "Well,
maybe that's okay, Judy."

You're a sensitive
and caring nurturer!

Thanks.

I feel that a lot of your anger
is totally misdirected.

Really... where
should it go?

Well, that's what
we have to find out.

We have to explore a little bit.

We have to send out a probe.

But I didn't even think
I was angry.

I'm angry?

I think so, Judy.

I think you have a lot of anger.

I thought that was
called personality.

Excuse me.

Hello, that's why I wasn't
allowed in a sorority.

I don't know.

You know, it's like I always
had to take care of my brothers.

When I was a kid, you know.

And I had to baby-sit
my younger brother, Bosco.

All my brothers are named Bosco.

And the oldest
one is Bosco-Dan,

and then my brother,
Bosco-Bill...

One day, he
b*rned down the house.

And I said, "Bosco-bill,
why did you burn the house?"

And he goes,
"It was laughing at me."

I said, "Hello, it was
laughing with you."

Sure.

I don't know.

It seems to me like it can't
really have a happy ending.

You know what I mean?

Really?

I mean, what's the best
thing that'll happen.

Is she'll have him arrested.

That's the best?

Oh, come on.

It sounds pretty harmless
to me, really.

It's sort of, you know, cute.

It's cute if they were in school.

And he was admiring
her from a distance,

but when you're 24,
and you're admiring somebody.

With very high-powered
binoculars,

from a distance,
it's just different.

Well, he's shy.

It's just technologically
different.

Excuse me?

It's just technologically
different.

I think you're
being a little critical.

Well, you know, he's
always had a hard time.

Approaching women that
he's been attracted to.

But I don't feel like...
I think, if anything,

he's putting a distance
between him and this woman.

He's making her into sort of
an object of desire.

Objet desir.

Yeah.

That's French.

Is she French?

Uh, no.

You know, I don't like...

I was once with this woman,
and she talked in bed

to the point where I had to say,

"Hang up the phone and pay
a little attention to me."

That hurt.

But otherwise I think
I'm good in bed.

I never fall out.

I have guardrails,
I have a hospital bed.

You're drawn to older women?

I have found many, many
interesting things.

From older women.

I learn from older women.

Did you know that
social security checks.

Come on Wednesday?

I never knew that.

And you can always tell
how old a woman is.

By what they yell
when they're, you know...

This woman yelled,
"I like Ike."

And you go, "Oh my god,
oh my god, how old are you?"

But the last time I had sex,
it went fine, you know.

Who won?

I guess it was a draw, in a way,

because we ended up
having an argument.

Over who was the most
disappointed, and I took off.

Now, Gary, is it important
when you make love.

That you and your
partner finish together?

And by partner you mean
the other person?

Yeah, I'm talking
about the other person.

Right, 'cause sometimes
there's another person.

But is that an issue for you,
Gary, the simultaneous...

Well, I think
it's more important.

To really start together
than end together.

That's always been my feeling.

As long as you start at
the same time...

There's nothing more
embarrassing than.

Starting ahead of
your partner, as you call it.

I don't know,
it's difficult to be...

It's not a monogamous world,

but I'm so frightened
of disease,

it's to the point where
I won't have sex with someone.

Unless they say,
you know, "Okay."

Good for you.

Yeah, well, you gotta
draw the line somewhere.

This quality that you're
describing to me.

Is not a bad thing.

This sense of loyalty.

I mean, I think I've always
been loyal in any relationship.

Even when I go out
with my mother,

I don't look at other moms.

I don't think, "Hey, what does

her macaroni
and cheese taste like?"

When I'm out with a woman,
I am with that woman.

Even with my pets.

With my dog, I, you know...

I go to a friend's house
and play with their dog.

My biggest fear in life
is that I would come home.

With dog hair all over me,

and my dog would say,
"Where the hell have you been?"

And I say, "Hey, all I did
was throw him the ball.

I swear!"

Okay, you got kicked out
of catholic school.

Tell me again what exactly
happened with you and the nun.

I gave her a shaving
mug for father's day.

Big mistake, big mistake.

She would always penalize me.

She sent me to geography.

I hated geography...
Don't you, didn't you?

Didn't you hate geography class?

I had a hard time with that.

You know why?

Because it's just like history,

except without people
and dates, okay?

It's redundant.

Okay, so anyway,
she sends me to geography.

We had this really senile
teacher, Mrs. Handbag.

She's... "Judy,
you don't scare me.

I got a little girl at
home just like you."

I said, "Please, come on...

My dad couldn't have been
that drunk."

You gotta know
how to talk to people.

That's what I'm learning.

You know, doctor, you gotta
know how to make friends.

Am I wrong?

No, you're absolutely right.

But what I've learned is:
Friends are just enemies.

Who don't have the guts
to k*ll you.

I'm learning this.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Maybe I should
just confront her.

Is that crazy?

Stanley, just say,
"I know what you're up to.

And it's gotta stop?"

I have a feeling that
she would be relieved.

If she just came clean,

and then we could
sort of get on with...

I don't understand...
What is the big deal?

She has some of this
stuff at home?

The big deal is that I spend
about $200 every third month.

On office supplies,
and essentially...

I got an order two weeks ago,
and everything is gone.

It's not like she's stealing.

Well, the stuff leaves,
you know.

It leaves with her.

Yeah, but that's not stealing.

Well, what is it then, Stan?

You have it at home.

You work in an office,
you have some at home.

Everybody does.

You're saying that's stealing?

I don't know why you're
defending her.

'Cause it's not stealing!

Julie, am I crazy?

Don't you think that she
needs to come clean at least?

You know, I'm not...

It's upsetting to me, hearing
you guys talk about this,

because this happened
to me once.

But I was on
the other end of it.

I knew you were a crook.

When I first met you...
"Slippery fingers Julie."

Come on, seriously.

Once I was working in this place
and they accused me of stealing,

and it was awful, because
it didn't seem like...

There was nothing that
I could say to convince them.

Once you get this into your
mind, that she's done this...

And I don't know if she's
done it or not...

It's like it won't
matter what she says.

Burden of proof.

Well, I haven't accused
her of anything.

Well, it sounds
like you're pretty...

You know, she's the only one
that has access to the office.

Besides me and
the cleaning service.

That's it.

You have a cleaning service?

Yes, I've been using
"Finders keepers."

I just wish she'd...

You look so defeated, you know.

I wish she'd just
been more diplomatic,

let me down more gently.

What exactly did she say?

She said, "Hey, fat, fatty."

I guess she didn't
understand you, Ben.

She misconstrued the stalking.

Yeah.

You'd think you could take it
in a good light, but you can't.

Well, she never really saw
you in a good light.

It's just so hard to meet
women nowadays, you know?

In this day and age?

Well, you might have
to leave the building.

Yeah, you'd think.

You know?

Yeah, you know,
like, your left hand...

Just think of that as
all your enemies.

And you keep pressing
really hard, and, you know,

it's like, "Hey, pigs!"

And the right hand are people
that you kind of love.

Oh, wait, I goofed
it up, doctor!

Oh, wait.

I can see...

Hey!

Let's do this...
Let's put this away.

And we'll do it a little later.

Judy, can you...

That's good, excellent.

Let me ask you some more
about your family,

while we're on the subject.

Can I do that?

First of all,
is your dad still alive?

My father passed away.

A long time ago?

You know, this is when I feel
that you do not listen to me.

Do you remember
about five years ago

I was sobbing uncontrollably,
session after session,

for, I believe, six months?

Do you remember that?

That is because my father d*ed.

And it upset me.

Oh my god, you don't even
remember that my father d*ed.

I'm sorry.

That's something that...
That's my fault.

But tell me about your father.

My father was a wonderful man
who used to mow the lawn.

We lived in a
residential community.

Just had a regular little ranch
house on a little backyard,

maybe 10 square feet of grass,

but my dad had one of those
lawn mowers you'd just sit on.

You know, and it was


but he had one of
those lawn mowers,

and every Saturday
he'd come in and go,

"It's harvest season, son!"

My dad used to get carried away.

You miss him, don't you?

I don't think it matters to you.

You didn't remember
that he passed away.

It's coming back now.

And it's the issue
of just talking faster.

I have to be honest with you.

I... as long as
I've been coming here...

You have really helped me,
don't get me wrong.

I guess I would
just ask you to talk...

I think we could get
more accomplished.

In a shorter period of
time if you talked faster.

You want me to pick up the pace?

That would be great.

I can do that, I don't
think that's the problem.

I think that I, um...

I think it's those gaps there.

It's not that I'm
struggling to speak.

I'm making a careful response,

and I'm trying...
I'm trying to...

Trying to find out what it
is that you're saying to me.

It just seems to have
stretched the therapy out.

To something that is costing
me a lot of money now.

I'm not trying to
prolong your treatment.

I'm just trying to
give you... help.

I'm just saying, in this time
we've already been talking...

Whoops, you know
what the music means.

Well, you know, I...

Whoop!