02x50 - School District 9
Posted: 02/29/24 13:14
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Kiiiids! I have a surprise for you.
Anyone wanna guess what it is?
- We're getting a nuclear submarine?!
- What?! No, Izzy, we are not getting--
- It's all-you-can-eat cheese day? (Chomp) Mmm.
- Where'd you get that?
- The robots have turned against humanity?!
Prepare yourselves! All: (Scream)
- (Whistles) You're all wrong.
It's Career Day.
All: (Groan)
- This is the Vocationator .
It uses advanced interrogation techniques
to determine your value as a human being.
Doesn't that sound fun?
It'll tell you what you'll be when you grow up.
All: Wow! Neat. Whoa! Cool. - I'm gonna be a moose.
- Harold, you're up first.
(Door whirs)
- You are on a plane. What time is it?
- How would I know what time it--mmf!
- How many pickles fit inside a bear?
- Ahhhahaha! There are too many unknown factors
in that questi--OW!
- You find marmalade in your pants.
Are sunglasses mandatory?
- (Spritz) - What does that even mean?
- (Poke) - Aiiieeee!
- (Whirs) - This actually feels nice.
- (Zapping) - Ahhh! YEEOOWWW!
(Ding) (Door whirs open)
- I think my pancreas is broken.
- Oh, stop making up words!
C'mon now, everybody gets a turn.
(Ding) (Door whirs open)
- Oof! - (All groaning)
- The pain is worth it, kids.
The Vocationator has determined your future careers!
Leshawna, you're gonna be a Rocket Scientist.
Izzy... Army General.
- Wow, Izzy that is so amaz--
- Mouth closed, eyes front, maggot!
- Harold, wow, interpretive dancer.
- Cody... - I'm gonna be a moose, right?
- Nope, according to this machine,
you're going to be President.
- On no. This glue is permanent.
(Shrugs) Moose president it is.
- Duncan... whoa!
You're going to be a brain surgeon!
- WHAT?! How?!
- (Laughing)
I switched career cards with Courtney.
I cannot wait to see her reaction.
- Courtney, you're going to be a parking lot attendant.
- (Stifled giggle)
- Ooohhhh...
that's... so won... der... ffff...
(Shrill scream, rumbling)
(Glass shatters, sofa thuds)
(Panicked heavy breathing) Are you sure?
I mean, there's nothing wrong with that job,
but ARE YOU SURE?!
The Vocationator is never wrong!
- What'd the machine say about my future, Chef?
- Weird, it says you're going to be..."nothing".
- Nothing? What does that mean?
- Well, not everyone's meant to be "something".
Think of it like a movie:
The lead character is on a plane hunting snakes when--
- You can't bring snakes on a plane.
It's against the rules.
- You can fly with a dog,
as long as it fits in your purse.
- That's why my mom has a big purse
and I have this dog costume.
We're going to Florida! (Cute bark)
- My point, Owen,
is movies always have a star,
and then some nobodies doing nothing in the background.
- So I'll be a nobody doing nothing?
- Yeah. Isn't that something?
- It sure is!
- Okay, kids, go practice your future careers.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- I thought doing nothing would be exciting.
(Surprised) It's not.
- Well, if you don't want to be nothing when you grow up,
I guess you should try to be something.
What're you good at? - Ummm...
- Too bad there's no such thing as a professional farter.
(Laughs)
- Remember when he farted for half a day straight
and made spring come early?
- I melted three pairs of pants.
- Or that time you tooted the national anthem
of every European country?
- And weird, 'cause I'd never heard those anthems before.
- Stop! Farting is not a career, people.
- The parking lot attendant is right.
- Farting has no real value in life.
- Aww.
- Everyone! Come outside! Quick!
(Spaceship engine roars)
(Small ship whooshes)
- Chef? Is that a spaceship?
- How should I know? I'm just a teacher!
Leshawna, you're the future rocket scientist,
what is it?!
- It's a spaceship.
All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Ship whooshes)
(Energy hums)
(Alien music)
- Humans! I am Nostrildamus,
leader of the Sniffilids.
We are a superior species who travel the cosmos
deciding which life forms are useful to the universe
and which are useless.
Both: Smell the truth!
- That sounds ominous.
- What if we don't meet your standards?
- We will baste your entire planet for hours
in the moist secretions of our snoticles,
like so.
(Snorts, horks)
(Panicked cream) (Splats)
All: (Gasp)
- But it's only for hours, right?
- Yes.
And then we will feed your species to our hamsters!
- Aww! Hamsters are adorable.
- Our hamsters look like this!
- Ahhh! All: (Scream)
Courtney: AHEM!
Sky Parking is not free, mister!
$ covers you until : p.m.,
and you have to leave your keys.
- Ugh... fine.
Total rip-off.
Now, miniature humans,
prove your species is worth saving.
- We're just kids! - Not my problem.
- As luck would have it,
a supercomputer just told us exactly why we are useful.
(Coughs) Brain surgeon!
- You? Really?
Name the four lobes of the human brain.
- Pfft. North, South, Easter, and-- (splat)
- Now, the rest of you, prove your worth.
♪♪♪
(Splats)
- My niece actually went to college for interpretive dance.
It's awful.
- I hope they don't ask me to go next.
I can't impress them with nothing.
I'll get snotted for sure.
- I better go finish building that space ship
or I'm toast too.
- Don't look at me, I just hand out parking tickets for money.
- Stand down civilians, I got this!
Come in Echo Charlie Monkeyface.
Weneed a bravo --er full drop on my mark. Over!
- Um, who is this?
- A little girl who's gonna be a General one day,
THAT'S WHO! Now DO IT, MAGGOT!
- Yes Ma'am. Right away, Ma'am!
(Rotors beat, t*nk engines roar)
- This is your "army"?
Interesting.
- I think the word you're looking for is IMPRESSIVE.
Army General for the win.
BOOM! What-Whaaat?
- Hardly. Shall we snork?
(Snorts, horks)
(Splats)
- Oh. Okay. I'm also pretty good at cat sounds.
Meeeeooooow--(Splats)
- (Winces)
- Hey! If you're gonna take up parking spots
with goo-covered kids,
you're gonna have to pay for-- (Splats)
- I should've done that right away
instead of paying for parking. Meh, hindsight.
♪♪♪
Large-boned human child, you're up next.
Show us what you've got!
- I-I-I've got nothing.
- Pitiful.
(Snorts, horks)
(Huge scared fart)
All: (Coughing)
(Explodes, splats)
- PHILTRUM!
- What was that?
- Sorry, I fart when I'm nervous.
- Your bottom fog is pure poison!
Can all humans do this?
- Sure. Everybody farts,
but I'm probably the best at it.
- (Gasps) Quickly, back to the mothership!
We shall marinade the entire planet
from a safe distance!
(Ship whooshes)
- My spaceship is ready for--
Aww! I was just about to save the world
by showing those aliens my awesome skills.
- They're going to snot the whole planet, Leshawna!
I have a plan to stop them but I'll need your help
and your spaceship. Come on!
(Munches, ship whirs)
(Chomping and chewing)
Leshawna: My scanners indicate a ventilation shaft
that leads to an energy source at the center of their ship...
but it won't be easy getting to it.
- I'll get there. I have to! It's our only hope!
(Another toot slips out) Oops!
I think I'm ready to blow!
- Stop farting in my spaceship!
Save it for the aliens!
(Small ship whooshes)
(Snot g*ns whir and splat)
(Ship whooshes)
- The vent should be straight ahead of you!
Those giant nostrils lead directly
to the heart of the ship.
- I see them!
- Make 'em pay, Owen.
Make 'em pay!
(Doors open)
(Big farts)
(Farts whoosh)
Owen: Snort fart, Sniffilids!
WOOOO HOOO!
(Spaceship explodes)
(Ding)
(Snot splashes)
- What's going on? What happened?
- Owen and his farts saved the world!
(Ship whooshes)
- Woohooo!
- (All cheer) Alright!
- I felt it... my butt dealt it...
and they smelt it.
- I always knew that kid was gonna do great things.
- (Cute doggy roar)
- Beep boop.
- It's bucks to park here. - Aw, man.
- Where's my wallet? - Here's a dime.
- (Farts) - (Coughing)
- I guess I wasn't empty.
- (Coughs) You're the most disgusting planet saver ever.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- Kiiiids! I have a surprise for you.
Anyone wanna guess what it is?
- We're getting a nuclear submarine?!
- What?! No, Izzy, we are not getting--
- It's all-you-can-eat cheese day? (Chomp) Mmm.
- Where'd you get that?
- The robots have turned against humanity?!
Prepare yourselves! All: (Scream)
- (Whistles) You're all wrong.
It's Career Day.
All: (Groan)
- This is the Vocationator .
It uses advanced interrogation techniques
to determine your value as a human being.
Doesn't that sound fun?
It'll tell you what you'll be when you grow up.
All: Wow! Neat. Whoa! Cool. - I'm gonna be a moose.
- Harold, you're up first.
(Door whirs)
- You are on a plane. What time is it?
- How would I know what time it--mmf!
- How many pickles fit inside a bear?
- Ahhhahaha! There are too many unknown factors
in that questi--OW!
- You find marmalade in your pants.
Are sunglasses mandatory?
- (Spritz) - What does that even mean?
- (Poke) - Aiiieeee!
- (Whirs) - This actually feels nice.
- (Zapping) - Ahhh! YEEOOWWW!
(Ding) (Door whirs open)
- I think my pancreas is broken.
- Oh, stop making up words!
C'mon now, everybody gets a turn.
(Ding) (Door whirs open)
- Oof! - (All groaning)
- The pain is worth it, kids.
The Vocationator has determined your future careers!
Leshawna, you're gonna be a Rocket Scientist.
Izzy... Army General.
- Wow, Izzy that is so amaz--
- Mouth closed, eyes front, maggot!
- Harold, wow, interpretive dancer.
- Cody... - I'm gonna be a moose, right?
- Nope, according to this machine,
you're going to be President.
- On no. This glue is permanent.
(Shrugs) Moose president it is.
- Duncan... whoa!
You're going to be a brain surgeon!
- WHAT?! How?!
- (Laughing)
I switched career cards with Courtney.
I cannot wait to see her reaction.
- Courtney, you're going to be a parking lot attendant.
- (Stifled giggle)
- Ooohhhh...
that's... so won... der... ffff...
(Shrill scream, rumbling)
(Glass shatters, sofa thuds)
(Panicked heavy breathing) Are you sure?
I mean, there's nothing wrong with that job,
but ARE YOU SURE?!
The Vocationator is never wrong!
- What'd the machine say about my future, Chef?
- Weird, it says you're going to be..."nothing".
- Nothing? What does that mean?
- Well, not everyone's meant to be "something".
Think of it like a movie:
The lead character is on a plane hunting snakes when--
- You can't bring snakes on a plane.
It's against the rules.
- You can fly with a dog,
as long as it fits in your purse.
- That's why my mom has a big purse
and I have this dog costume.
We're going to Florida! (Cute bark)
- My point, Owen,
is movies always have a star,
and then some nobodies doing nothing in the background.
- So I'll be a nobody doing nothing?
- Yeah. Isn't that something?
- It sure is!
- Okay, kids, go practice your future careers.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
- I thought doing nothing would be exciting.
(Surprised) It's not.
- Well, if you don't want to be nothing when you grow up,
I guess you should try to be something.
What're you good at? - Ummm...
- Too bad there's no such thing as a professional farter.
(Laughs)
- Remember when he farted for half a day straight
and made spring come early?
- I melted three pairs of pants.
- Or that time you tooted the national anthem
of every European country?
- And weird, 'cause I'd never heard those anthems before.
- Stop! Farting is not a career, people.
- The parking lot attendant is right.
- Farting has no real value in life.
- Aww.
- Everyone! Come outside! Quick!
(Spaceship engine roars)
(Small ship whooshes)
- Chef? Is that a spaceship?
- How should I know? I'm just a teacher!
Leshawna, you're the future rocket scientist,
what is it?!
- It's a spaceship.
All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Ship whooshes)
(Energy hums)
(Alien music)
- Humans! I am Nostrildamus,
leader of the Sniffilids.
We are a superior species who travel the cosmos
deciding which life forms are useful to the universe
and which are useless.
Both: Smell the truth!
- That sounds ominous.
- What if we don't meet your standards?
- We will baste your entire planet for hours
in the moist secretions of our snoticles,
like so.
(Snorts, horks)
(Panicked cream) (Splats)
All: (Gasp)
- But it's only for hours, right?
- Yes.
And then we will feed your species to our hamsters!
- Aww! Hamsters are adorable.
- Our hamsters look like this!
- Ahhh! All: (Scream)
Courtney: AHEM!
Sky Parking is not free, mister!
$ covers you until : p.m.,
and you have to leave your keys.
- Ugh... fine.
Total rip-off.
Now, miniature humans,
prove your species is worth saving.
- We're just kids! - Not my problem.
- As luck would have it,
a supercomputer just told us exactly why we are useful.
(Coughs) Brain surgeon!
- You? Really?
Name the four lobes of the human brain.
- Pfft. North, South, Easter, and-- (splat)
- Now, the rest of you, prove your worth.
♪♪♪
(Splats)
- My niece actually went to college for interpretive dance.
It's awful.
- I hope they don't ask me to go next.
I can't impress them with nothing.
I'll get snotted for sure.
- I better go finish building that space ship
or I'm toast too.
- Don't look at me, I just hand out parking tickets for money.
- Stand down civilians, I got this!
Come in Echo Charlie Monkeyface.
Weneed a bravo --er full drop on my mark. Over!
- Um, who is this?
- A little girl who's gonna be a General one day,
THAT'S WHO! Now DO IT, MAGGOT!
- Yes Ma'am. Right away, Ma'am!
(Rotors beat, t*nk engines roar)
- This is your "army"?
Interesting.
- I think the word you're looking for is IMPRESSIVE.
Army General for the win.
BOOM! What-Whaaat?
- Hardly. Shall we snork?
(Snorts, horks)
(Splats)
- Oh. Okay. I'm also pretty good at cat sounds.
Meeeeooooow--(Splats)
- (Winces)
- Hey! If you're gonna take up parking spots
with goo-covered kids,
you're gonna have to pay for-- (Splats)
- I should've done that right away
instead of paying for parking. Meh, hindsight.
♪♪♪
Large-boned human child, you're up next.
Show us what you've got!
- I-I-I've got nothing.
- Pitiful.
(Snorts, horks)
(Huge scared fart)
All: (Coughing)
(Explodes, splats)
- PHILTRUM!
- What was that?
- Sorry, I fart when I'm nervous.
- Your bottom fog is pure poison!
Can all humans do this?
- Sure. Everybody farts,
but I'm probably the best at it.
- (Gasps) Quickly, back to the mothership!
We shall marinade the entire planet
from a safe distance!
(Ship whooshes)
- My spaceship is ready for--
Aww! I was just about to save the world
by showing those aliens my awesome skills.
- They're going to snot the whole planet, Leshawna!
I have a plan to stop them but I'll need your help
and your spaceship. Come on!
(Munches, ship whirs)
(Chomping and chewing)
Leshawna: My scanners indicate a ventilation shaft
that leads to an energy source at the center of their ship...
but it won't be easy getting to it.
- I'll get there. I have to! It's our only hope!
(Another toot slips out) Oops!
I think I'm ready to blow!
- Stop farting in my spaceship!
Save it for the aliens!
(Small ship whooshes)
(Snot g*ns whir and splat)
(Ship whooshes)
- The vent should be straight ahead of you!
Those giant nostrils lead directly
to the heart of the ship.
- I see them!
- Make 'em pay, Owen.
Make 'em pay!
(Doors open)
(Big farts)
(Farts whoosh)
Owen: Snort fart, Sniffilids!
WOOOO HOOO!
(Spaceship explodes)
(Ding)
(Snot splashes)
- What's going on? What happened?
- Owen and his farts saved the world!
(Ship whooshes)
- Woohooo!
- (All cheer) Alright!
- I felt it... my butt dealt it...
and they smelt it.
- I always knew that kid was gonna do great things.
- (Cute doggy roar)
- Beep boop.
- It's bucks to park here. - Aw, man.
- Where's my wallet? - Here's a dime.
- (Farts) - (Coughing)
- I guess I wasn't empty.
- (Coughs) You're the most disgusting planet saver ever.
♪♪♪
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♪♪♪
♪♪♪