02x06 - Exercising the Demons

[bunniefuu]

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Chef: Now that I got a steady job

there's no reason I can't splurge

on some hot new wheels.

Okay, sweet rides, show me what you've got!

(Computer chimes) What's this now?

Some kinda pop-up. Hmm.

Not supposed to click those but...

I'd better click it just in case.

Male narrator: Leading scientists recently completed

a study to determine the single biggest threat to humankind.

And the results may surprise you.

- Hmph. No computerized ad's gonna surprise ol' Chef--

Male narrator: Guess what makes this successful-looking graduate

turn into... this!

It's sittinggggg!

- Ahhhh! The results did surprise me!

Tell me more, pop-up!

- First, my little Rudiger was addicted to his screen...

then he was leaning...

and before we knew it, he was...

he was...

sitting down! (Sobbing)

Narrator: Call flex execs! We guarantee to get your kids

up off their butts in one session

or double your money back.

- Huh-ha! If anything,

I need help getting these kids to sit still.

Just listen to 'em out in the play yard

being all active.

They're probably playing with the new utility ball

I just bought-- huh?

What in the jelly sandwich?

- First, my little Rudiger was addicted to his screen...

- (Bonk) Ow. (Bonk) Ow. (Bonk) Ow.

Emotional mother: Then, he was leaning!

- Boom. Gotcha. (Happy sigh)

Nothin' like a good lean to help take out some zombies.

Emotional mother: And before we knew it, he was...

sitting down!

(Ball deflates making a fart sound)

- That was mostly the utility ball...

- Yeah, I don't think so.

- But how can this be?!

I just heard everyone laughing and playing.

- Shh! I'm listening to my playground app!

(Beeping, happy laughter)

- But why, Cody? Why?!

- My mom said it would trick my brain

into thinking I had friends!

- You are a sad, strange little man, Cody Anderson.

Oh, I'm sure it's just a phase.

All these kids need is a little pep talk

to get them active again!

(Blows whistle)

- (Yawns) Is it time to switch games?

- No, it's time you guys did something active!

You know, get up and move your bodies?!

- Sounds lame.

I just got the all-time high score in zombie hot rod.

Now that's time well spent!

- (Gasps)

It's worse than I thought!

Hello, flex execs? I need an expert in child fitness!

It's an emergency! How soon can you get here--?

(Gasps)

(Engine roars)

♪♪♪

(w*r cry)

- That's gonna hurt in the trade-in value.

- Listen up! Name's Abigail pain,

but everybody calls me 'Abs'.

- Why do they call you that?

- Whoa! She's bumpy...

- Wanna know why I blew up my plane, my van, my bike,

and my parachute?

'Cuz once you start getting fit! There's no going back!

- What?

- Okay! Tablets! Bin!

(All crying and whining)

- Now!

- (Sobbing)

- Trust me, kids, this is gonna hurt me

a lot more than it's gonna hurt you.

Wait, I meant less.

It's gonna hurt me way less than you.

Well, have fun! (Lock clicks)

- Okay, kids... who's ready for... pain!

(Sobbing)

- What you're about to witness is a classic battle of wills.

And when it's kid vs. Grown-up,

my money's on the kid.

- Alright truth b*mb! This isn't gonna be easy.

- Um, quick question.

Why are we doing it then?

I've always been sort of a "path of least resistance"

kinda guy myself-- - Think fast!

- Ow!

- The idea is to catch the ball.

Paaaaaaathetic.

As I was saying!

I'm gonna work you kids hard!

You'll hurt in places you didn't know you had!

You're gonna wanna quit

and you'll cry for your mommies!

You may even scream.

But don't worry -

that's just the sound of weakness leaving your body.

(All gasp) - (Bawling)

Uhhh-oops!

Did the angry biker intro

instead of the happy toddler one. Hang on.

Okay, that's better. - Awwww...

- Let's do thiiiiiiis!

All: (Scream)

Most people think you need fancy equipment to stay fit.

But all it really takes is the will to succeed!

And a giant tire!

(Grunting and struggling)

- Come on, Noah! Get in the game!

- Nah, looks like you guys have this situation under control.

- Maybe I didn't make myself clear!

You will get in the game and--

Hey! Why aren't we moving?

- (Pants) Actually, Abs,

we're already at the top.

- No excuses! Now pooooooshhhhhh!

- You heard her. Let's push.

- (Screaming)

(Crash) (Frames crackle)

- This place is getting dangerous

since I confiscated those tablets.

Why are they so hooked on these anyway?

I had an arcade boy when I was a little guy.

Can't be that much different--

ooooooooooh! Zombie hot rod?

Sweet cotton candy look at those graphics!

Maybe just one quick game...

and I'm dead. (Sighs)

Okay. I need to focus.

There, that's better.

- Alright! Who's up for some bennnnnnch?!?

- Lame.

- I think our resident smarty pants is gonna be up first.

So, how much you want on the bar, Hercules?

Five pounds? Ten pounds?

- Pfft. What is this, amateur hour?

C'mon! Let's load it up!

All: (Gasp)

- Oh, this will not end well.

- Are you sure about this?

- Ah, yeah. Piece of cake!

- Just show me how to do it. Do I go under here?

Here? Stand here? No wait, like this?

- Gettt offa there! I'll show you how it's done.

One! Two! Three!

(Grunting)

(Farts) Wow. That's a lot of weight.

- I thought you said you were fit.

I mean you have an pack.

This should be easy for someone like you.

- Right! I can do this!

Huuuuuuuurgh!

Oof!

(Ridiculous long fall scream) - They always fall for it.

- Wow. Still going.

(Game sounds)

- Agh! Got me again! This game's tough!

Maybe if I just try leaning a little.

Abs: Hey! Fun right? (Sarcastic laugh)

Someone's having some fun with ol' Abs?!?

Well, game on, little man.

Because I've got a money back guarantee in play here

and guess what?

I already spent that money on a sweet frozen yogurt maker.

- (Unimpressed) Uh-huh. - So I'm not going anywhere.

And no one is getting their tablets back until I say so.

- Oh great. - Boo!

- (Groans) Checkmate.

- So whaddya say we work together and do a few drills?

That way, I can get back to cage fighting komodo dragons.

(Reluctant groan) Yes. - Okay.

- Finnnnne.

- Well, okay then.

Let's get actiiiiive!!!!

All: (Grunting)

(Heavy panting)

(Effort grunts)

(Grunting)

(Roars)

(Terror screaming)

- You're doin' great, kids!

And remember when you scream,

that's just the sound of weakness leaving the body!

(Grunting)

- Whoa! Oof!

- (Cheering) Yeah! Woo-hoo!

- Meh.

Abs: Con-gratulations, kids!

That's the end of the flex execs boot camp.

So? How's everybody feel?

- Honestly, I don't get it.

We busted our butts but I don't feel any different!

So what was the point of--

- Think fast! - Whoa.

- Only one thing left to do.

- Chef! We did it!

We were active and now we're--

Oh noo!

- EW! (Grossed-out sounds)

- Oh, hey kids. I'm just sittin' down...

takin' down zombies... eatin' whipped cream.

(Eating sounds)

Oh, good times. Nom-nom.

- This is spray cheese.

- It is? Ahhh!

I can't tell the difference anymore!

(Scream crying)

- C'mon, Chef. Get up.

We wanna show you what Abs taught us!

- I can't! Look away! I'm hideous!

- Chef even your voice is lazy!

- Well then, guys,

Chef is now a pathetic lump on a log.

Looks we've got a job to do.

Let's pick him up and get him moving!

(Pathetic whimper) - Pick me up?

But... I'm too heavy...

and too slippery from the cheeeeese...

- We'll see about that.

(Blows whistle)

♪♪♪

- Okay, enough showin' off.

(Clap) Hup hup!

- (Gasp) my tablet! N-n-no! No! Nooooooo!

- Ugh. Paaaaaaathetic.

Chef: (Screaming) - Sorry chef,

but this is hurting us a lot more than it's hurting you.

(Bear growls, Chef screams)

- Don't worry, Chef!

That's just fear leaving your body through your face!

- Close enough. - Nooooooooo!