03x04 - Art Class/Lost and Found

[bunniefuu]

In a middle school full of bullies,

Insane teachers, and gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me-- and my best friends

Try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

♪ Coming up, looking out ♪

♪ I'll survive it, no doubt ♪

♪ Never fear, bring it on ♪

♪ Break it down, what's in my way? ♪

♪ And i...i'm finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

"Ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.

Abstract art is that

Which does not represent the natural world,

But instead captures its intrinsic qualities

By imitation of the external, ja?

Ja! Ha ha.

Just dip your brushes and be brilliant!

Art--it's been around since the cavemen.

So if you have art class, check out these tips.

Artists get messy, so always go smock.

If painting or sculpting are not your thing...

Ask your teacher

About expressing yourself in other ways.

You will try photography.

It's art...

And it hurts me less.

Ned: and since parents and grandparents

Love homemade gifts...

It's a key bowl for my grandma.

Make art class your own private gift factory.

Hey, what do you think of my "abstract art"?

Who knows what it is, but who cares?

That's a naked lady.

What? No, it's not. It's a bunch of squiggly lines.

Look at the naked lady!

Oh!

This is an abomination!

I'm sorry. I was just trying to make abstract art.

I'll get rid of it.

What? No, no, ned.

Your painting is quite exceptional.

It's just the art funds, they are kaput,

And now we are $, short,

And tomorrow they will cancel the art class!

Oh, I volunteer my time here for the art,

And it's still not enough!

I know. We'll just borrow the money.

Ok. Who's got grand? Hmm?

Speak up.

[Bell rings]

Ok. Plan "b." You, me, and the naked lady,

We're going to save the art program, ja?

Ok, you go!

[Laughing]

[Ahem]

[Whistling]

Ned, I heard about your "painting,"

And I cannot have the students exposed

To your kind of art.

I'm not an artist.

This is obviously a reaction

To me canceling art classes.

It's not a reaction.

Listen, I respect your vision,

But I want her put away.

It's squiggly lines.

Just do it.

[Sighs]

Smile!

Tomorrow's the last art class.

Smile.

You loved art class that much?

No, but I use art class to make all my christmas presents.

How am I going to make key bowls in days?

You can't.

[Whistling]

Or can i?

Got to go.

It's time. We go!

I offer to you at this emergency once-in-a-lifetime art auction

"Orange naked lady."

[Gasps]

We shall start the bidding at $,.

Who's the artist? Is he famous?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...ned!

Oh, so close.

Well, not really. Who are we kidding, right?

If only you were famous.

I said I wanted this put away.

Now, if the kids see it,

Then they'll tell their parents

Then their parents will get upset,

And then you and I and her

Will be on the : news.

You sadden me, alistair.

You were once such a great supporter of the arts.

We can have an art show of everyone's projects

And try and raise some money.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Fine, but she stays in your locker.

Here's my project.

I think it turned out really nice.

Oh, yes.

Very cute.

Yes, a little bit too nice.

Look at this! No child is this happy!

Ay!

I want real students doing real things!

Ha ha ha. Snap, snap. Go.

That's real.

Real gross, but real.

So, if we help you with this cheesin' art project,

You'll get us into eighth-grade parties?

But I got to warn you, there's a lot

Of hot eighth-grade girls at these parties

Who love sixth-graders.

Let's make some key bowls!

Wait. I made you guys some smocks

And some protective headgear.

[Whistling]

Psst.

I need the painting for the art show.

No. I just want to get rid of it.

It's got me mocked, slapped, and in trouble.

That is what art does.

Artists must suffer for the art.

That's why they call it pain...ting.

It's gone!

Gone? Like beyond the mainstream?

[Laughter]

There's nothing to see here, people.

[Students groan]

I've got to get this out of here

Before the whole world see is.

Are you the artist?

Why orange?

Why not a naked dude?

Yeah! Yeah!

Artist or menace?

That's what people are asking

As a local middle-schooler draws "orange naked lady."

A principal under fire reacts.

This is not the kind of expression

We need here at polk, and when I see

A painting like this by a student,

It makes me glad that art is no longer

A part of our curriculum.

Artists and supporters of the arts are up in arms

About the reaction and the budget cuts.

We're up in arms!

When asked about his controversial painting,

Artist ned bigby reacted, "it's not a naked lady.

"I'm not an artist. It's just a bunch of squiggly lines.

Please don't put this on the news!"

Ha ha ha!

Oh!

Loudspeaker: ned bigby, please see principal wright

In the main office. Ned bigby to the main office.

What are you doing?

We're tired of making key bowls.

I want to be a dentist.

I guess it's true what they told me about sixth-graders.

What did they tell you?

They said you weren't cool or smart enough

To make key bowls in days while I eat pie,

But I said you were.

I said you guys rock,

But I guess I was wrong.

We'll show them. You eat that pie,

And let's start making key bowls!

[Cheering]

Ha ha ha!

[Music playing]

Now, this is art--

Life exploited. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Mosley, how could you?

That was a private moment!

And that in no way proves that I'm in the sewing club.

Yes, it does.

Listen, I forgot to mention

That sometimes true art can anger people.

Run!

No emotion. Too much emotion.

Mmm, just threw up a little.

Ah...

Depressing work of art that says, "I'm depressed."

I don't know what art is,

And now I'm in trouble for it.

So be in trouble.

Listen, ned, I know you don't care about the art, but you should.

Shame! All great things in this world are art--

The great pyramids, the great wall of china,

The great video graphics on the games

With the "doo doo," you know.

You think I'm a great artist?

Oh...no. No, not at all. You got lucky.

But you must understand that inside us all

Is an artist who must never be ashamed to express it

And must never be afraid of critics.

[Mosley screams]

Unless they're chasing you.

But what if principal wright thinks I stuffed

My painting in the trophy case, which I didn't?

Then you just face him, and you speak the truth.

Because that is what artists do.

You turned sixth-graders into a bowl-making factory?

Yep, and there's only more bowls to go.

But they're sixth-grade boys.

They enjoy cartoon v*olence

And scratching and breaking stuff.

Not if you know how to control them.

I mean, look at this workmanship.

Oh!

That made a cool noise.

Ok. Easy. We can glue that piece, too.

Key bowl fight! Key bowl fight!

[Crashing]

Aah!

It's safer over here.

Ned, I've been looking for you.

I know, and I didn't put the painting in the trophy case.

But art moves people, and I'm glad I made it.

Me, too. That's why I put it in the trophy case.

Wait. You put it there? Why?

How about I tell you about it at the art show?

Ladies and gentlemen... [Clapping]

I give to you "orange naked lady" again!

I'll give you $, for it right now,

Providing it goes to the school's art program

So that artists like this may continue

To express themselves freely.

Ha ha ha...

Let's just say

That I thought the art show could use some publicity

And you could use some fame.

Ned: so, principal wright proved to be

A bit of an artist himself,

And his masterpiece-- preserving art class.

Cookie went back to his factory of one

And realized it's not a gift from your heart

Unless you make it yourself.

And moze decided to photograph fruit instead of people

Because fruit doesn't get angry.

And I learned that art is more important than you think.

It's all around us, and without it,

Life and school would be pretty boring.

I call it "red naked lady."

It's a fire truck.

No, it's not.

Yeah, it is. Look. There's the siren.

And there's the ladder.

Ah!

I told you it was a naked lady.

No. It's just the worst fire truck

I've ever seen.

It's not in there. It's been years.

Puppy bear is not coming back.

I will find him.

My mp player! I have to find it!

It's not in here!

Ok, where was the last place you saw it?

On my desk in... Science class!

Are these super-cool, awesome signed carmelo anthony sneakers?

Am I dreaming?

No, ned, you are not dreaming.

Bigby...

I was wondering who lost those amazing

And sure to be worth big bucks collectors item sneakers.

They are yours, aren't they?

Yep, they're mine.

They're not his.

Nice try, bigby.

All of these items stay in the lost and found

Until friday, which is today,

Until p.m., Which is in hours from now.

Only at that time will any unclaimed items

Become available to vultures like you.

Ooh! Dibs on the sunglasses!

The best way to keep your stuff out of the lost and found

Is prevention.

So put your name on everything, except your underwear,

Because if you lose those,

You don't want anyone to know they're yours.

Another more extreme method is electronic sensors.

They beep and tell you where the lost item is.

[Beeping]

Xavier gave me this friendship bracelet,

And now I can't get it off.

[Beeping]

There you are, handsome cleaning man.

So much easier to find you now

With beeping friendship bracelet.

Right, because it beeps and--

Hands off, cook. I found it,

And finders keepers, losers weepers...

Emphasis on "loser." Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Can you show me how to use it?

Lose something?

I'm the lost and found helper.

If you're looking for sneakers... They're not here.

I lost my briefcase.

Briefcase. Ha ha ha. Ah ha ha...

Oh...

Those are not your sneakers,

And they're probably very special to someone.

I know what it's like to lose something very special.

Here comes the puppy bear story.

It was sixth grade.

I should have outgrown puppy bear,

But I still brought him to school with me.

You loved him. You lost him.

It was an ugly stuffed dog... Bear...thing.

He was special, and I'm not going to let

What happened to me happen to the owner of those sneakers.

[Siren]

Attention. Has anybody lost these sneakers?

[Grunting]

You! I have no time for you today.

It's titanium alloy.

Only way to get off is with key,

Which is hidden somewhere on my person.

Oh, a key on your person. That makes sense!

Oh!

Tackling me will not stop me

From finding the owner of these sneakers.

[Banging]

Loomer stole my mp player.

So I'm stealing it back,

Before he figures out how to use it.

It's a matter of life or death.

How is it a matter of life or death?

I kind of recorded a song on it.

But your hip-hop songs aren't that bad.

It's not a hip-hop song.

Tell me it wasn't cowboy cookie.

You realize that if the school hears that tune,

I can't be your friend anymore?

I understand.

You know, she's just projecting

Her hurt feelings for puppy bear

On the carmelo anthonys.

You find puppy bear,

You get to keep the sneaks.

Right!

That's loomer's locker.

[Tires screech]

Looks too new.

Observe. With the help of this rope,

Some petroleum jelly,

And a soon to be departed bus,

I'll have this friendship bracelet off

In , ...!

Aah!

Why won't you open?!

I said this was mine!

I just don't know how to use it.

I do.

No! I'll die!

[Music playing]

Oh. What do you know?

I guess it's not my player.

Hey, I just realized you tried to steal my player

That I found!

Oh! Oh!

Can I help you?

It's puppy bear!

Now you can forget about the sneakers.

This is not my puppy bear.

You bought this on line and power-sanded its face.

I did not. This so is puppy bear.

"Hi, moze.

"I missed you.

And let ned have the sneakers."

Now you mock me and puppy bear?

You are never getting those sneakers.

Are you a dog or a bear?

I'm going to help you, cook,

Because i, too, lost an mp player once,

And it can be devastating,

And if anyone hears that song,

You might actually die of embarrassment.

Attention. We have a lost mp player.

If anyone finds--

You didn't push the p.a. Button.

[Bang]

Attention. We have a lost mp player.

If anyone finds it, return it to the lost and found.

Are these your sneakers?

Look...

I'm sorry I tried to fool you.

I know you loved that stuffed dog...bear...thing,

And we can't let a pair of lost sneakers

Ruin our friendship.

Well, we have been friends forever.

And personally, I think

Our friendship could survive anything.

Yeah, you're right.

It could survive anything.

Good.

You!

Ha! Now all I've got to do

Is keep you locked in here until :,

And you can't stop me

From getting those sneakers.

But you're here, too,

So you won't be able to claim the sneakers!

Come on, ned. That's not your best plan.

No! No!

Carmelo!

Uh...uh! Uh!

You know, I never knew you were this stupid.

Aah!

We're trapped!

We're never going to get out of this box!

Ned: it's a secret lair.

With neon.

And there's cookie's mp player.

And puppy bear!

Oh, how I've missed you! Oh!

Oh, how I wish you hadn't seen that.

Oh, how I wish we could get out of here

So I can get those sneakers.

Uh!

Hey! You found my secret lair.

And we found this.

And this.

My music player! I'm saved!

These are mine!

I found this ugly little fellow abandoned years ago.

That's because that's when I lost him.

That's my puppy bear.

Fine. But the mp player really is mine.

I lost it last week, but then I found it

This morning on a desk in science class.

That's where I lost mine!

No. It's mine.

It's mine! Mine!

Oh!

Well, there's only one way to know whose it really is.

♪ Cowboy cookie, the ladies really love him... ♪

What do you know? It really is cook's.

[Laughter]

Cookie, quick! In the lair!

[Bell rings]

It's :!

Yes! They're mine! They're finally mine!

Fine, and I have to admit,

Your obsession with those things

Did help me find puppy bear.

I love you.

Carmelo anthony sneakers!

Autographed carmelos?

I've been looking everywhere for them.

Ouch. Snap.

But technically the shoes are bigby's now,

Since you didn't claim them by :.

It's a rule.

Oh, I'm sad.

Ned, do the right thing.

Sorry, seth. Finders keepers.

That's not what I meant.

Here. They're yours.

Yes! Whoo!

I know you really wanted those sneakers, bigby,

And I'm proud of you.

So take whatever's left...

Even the shades.

What am I going to do with the shades,

A mustache, a cafeteria uniform, and a wig.

So, how long do you guys think I need to stay in disguise?

Together: cowboy cookie, yippee, yippee, yeehaw!

[Laughing]

Moze and ned: ... Weeks tops.

Xavier gave me this friendship bracelet,

And now I can't get it off, but I did.

Ha ha ha!

Victory!

Oh!

See? Told you it was an aked--naked lady.

Nothing--oh!

Don't apologize.

Now we've got to do it again.