01x14 - Tiger Fail

[bunniefuu]

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Kids: (Wild laughter)

(Glass shatters, water burbles)

(Thud)

(Metal clanking)

(Smash)

(Suction cups pop)

- Wooooohooohoo! - What's that?!

Little Duncan didn't mean to tape Cody to the wall, but--

- Chef! Beth got stuck in the toilet again!

And I think she died.

- (Beth screams) - Hold on, Beth!

Chef is coming!

(Exasperated) Ugh. Every time it rains

I run out of things to do with the kids.

They get cabin fever and run wild,

and I get nothing done.

It's been raining for straight days.

If you kids give me peace for minutes,

I'll make your favorite lunch.

(Plop, sizzles)

- Watch this, dudes. Okay...

- Yay!

- What? Whoa. - Who's hungry?

(Screams) Oof...

Sloppy Joe's! Mmm....

Extra sloppy. Niiiiice.

- That's it! Everybody outside... now!

(Rain patters heavily)

(Lightning strikes)

(Sigh) Fine. We'll stay inside,

but you have to be quiet.

Chef has some important business to attend to.

(Page flaps) (Relaxed exhale)

Peace and quiet.

Cody: Chef!

- (Startled) Gaah!

- I can't find my socks.

- Uh, Cody...

Chef needs a little pri-va-cy...

I'll help you in a minute, okay?

- Are you going number one or number two?

- You kids shouldn't be--

Izzy: Hey Chef! We're out of popcorn,

and I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!

- Izzy! Get down from there right now!

- People eat horses?!

- No, Cody... not usually. Tell him, Izzy!

- No, they don't eat horses!

They turn them into glue.

- (Starts bawling) - No no no!

No no no! Don't cry!

- Whoa! Somebody forgot to flush in here!

Chef! Chef!

Somebody didn't flush!

- This is my to do list.

Know how many things I've checked off it this week?

None.

(Boinging) (Kids cheering)

(Boxes crash)

(Menacing) That's it.

They're giving me no choice.

- Woohoo! Yeah! (Laughing)

- Ice creeeeeeeeam!

Better. Now, if you are quiet for the next hour,

I will get you all ice cream.

All: Yeah!

- I want strawberry! - Heavenly hash.

- Vanilla! - Mint chip!

- Green ice cream? Gross!

- Oh! Oh! Cookie dough!

- Ooh! I love noodles with butter!

- That's not a flavour.

- Don't tell me what I can and can't love!

(Airhorn sounds)

- Hold up. I have one coupon

for one jumbo party tub of ice cream.

So you'll have to agree on one flavour.

- Meow.

All: Chocolate!

- Okay. I guess we're getting chocolate.

- Wait! We didn't ask Gwen.

- (Hushed) No, no, no. Never ask Gwen!

You know she doesn't like normal kid stuff.

♪♪♪

(POP!)

- (Chef cries)

- I'm asking her anyway - it's only fair.

Gwen, what flavour would you like?

- Tiger tail.

(Lightning strikes)

- (Horror scream)

- I guess it's not settled.

- See what you've done?!

- Please. Anything but tiger tail!

- What's tiger tail?

- Roar! I'm a tiger.

I bet you're wondering where my tail is.

Well kids, I took it off

and made it into delicious ice cream.

It's two great flavours combined into one.

Mm-mm orange, and black.

Kids love the unsettling taste of the business end

of a large jungle cat.

Come get your tiger tail ice cream today!

- It's made from real tigers?!

- They couldn't call it tiger tail if it wasn't.

- Gross.

- We are going to get chocolate!

I'll handle this.

I took a class in hostage negotiation.

(Through bullhorn) Gwen, it's Courtney.

If we can't agree on one flavour

no one gets ice cream.

I know you don't want that to happen.

Work with us here.

- (Sigh) Okay.

(All cheer)

- As long as it's tiger tail.

(All groan)

- Ugh. Why do you have to be so difficult?

- I won't pretend to like something

just because every other kid does.

It's not just chocolate ice cream.

I don't like sing-alongs, glitter, stickers,

laughter or sunshine.

- Sunshine? Who hates sunshine?

- I don't get invited to too many play-dates.

- Aw! You can come to my house!

What do you like to play?

- I like to find dead bugs and hold funerals for them.

(Bell tolls, crow caws)

- Oh... kay. We can try that.

- Don't worry, guys, we'll use my negotiation skills.

Change your mind,

or we're going to crack this egg chair in half

(Airhorn sounds) - Stop!

Gwen's vote is just as important as everyone else's...

even if her choice of ice cream is totally gross.

(All chanting) Choc-o-late! Choc-o-late!

- Hey! Here's how we're gonna settle this:

we'll play... "the quiet game".

Whoever goes the longest without making a sound wins.

The winner picks the flavour.

- Ha! This'll be easy.

It's all of us against her.

(Lightning strikes)

- Okay, team chocolate, let's focus.

All we need to do to win is...

- Game starts now! - ...make Gwen talk!

- You're out! - What?! Ohhh!

- The longer this game goes on,

the more time I'll have to get my chores done!

Time to file some incident reports!

- We got this.

You're all good at not talking, right? So just be--

- Gwen's really good at not talking.

- Gwen's the one we're trying to beat.

And now you're out.

- I am?! - You sure are!

- Oh darn! This game is hard.

- Listen. All we have to do is get Gwen to make a noise.

Go make funny faces until she laughs!

♪♪♪

(Making funny sounds)

(Ticking like a clock)

♪♪♪

- (Laughs)

Sorry, sorry, I can't help it.

Look at Harold's funny face! (Laughs)

- (Laughs) Yeah, dude. It's so funny.

- I'm not making a funny face!

- Funny face or not,

you three are out, out, and out.

- Everyone on team chocolate, stop talking!

Hey... where's Gwen?

(Light approaching steps)

(Bats screech) - (Screams)

(Thud) Owww...

- Duncan's out!

And I am on to do some meal prep!

(Symbols crash)

- Oh no! I broke Gwen with my music!

- She got you good, Beth. (Giggles)

High five!

Don't tell anyone,

but I'm kinda rooting for Gwen!

(Giggles)

- I'm rooting for Gwen to take this to the end of the day -

I haven't had this much free time

since the flu of the never ending winter!

- (Hushed) This snicker goblin is a noise trap.

You hand it to Gwen. She touches it.

It giggles. Game over.

♪♪♪

- (Gasps)

I won? I won! What did I win?

Chef: Not the quiet game. You're out.

- Well... I...pshhh, whatever.

I'm keeping this crown!

- There. Lunches for a week.

I should have thought of the quiet game years ago!

(Crayon rasps)

♪♪♪

- Ahhh!

Get it off! Ahhhh!

What did you get?

Aaaaah! You got the same thing as me!

(Screams) These are terrible presents! Ah ha ha...

- Noah, it's all up to you now.

- I'm out. - What?!

- There's no beating Gwen at the silent game.

I'd rather stop caring.

- You were our last hope... Chef?

- With Owen and Noah out,

looks like the ice cream flavour we're eating

is gonna be tiger tail!

(Toilet flushes)

Harold: It's Cody! He's not out yet!

- Dude I totally forgot he went here!

- Owww. Ow ow!

Leshawna: And he taped his mouth shut!

- (Gasps) Yes!

With Cody taking this game into overtime...

I might finish my list!

(Chokes back a tear) Sorry, I'm just so happy.

All: Go, Cody, go!

- Go Gwen! You can do it!

What? Someone has to root for the underdog!

(Clock ticks)

- If I don't get ice cream soon I'm gonna faint.

- Relax, buddy. They're the only two left.

How long could it take?

♪♪♪

(Beeping)

(Flatline beeps) - (Fading moan)

(Airhorn sounds) - Cody's out!

- Yes! I won!

- Here's your tiger tail ice cream!

And I finally finished my PhD in education,

wrote two novels,

and I built my dream boat by hand.

It's amazing what you can get done

when the kids are occupied!

Yeah! Woo!

- Well, what do you know!

It's not that bad!

But then again I lost most of my taste buds..

Bridgette: So Gwen...

was it worth the wait?

- You know what?

Chocolate is actually better.

Courtney: We hung around years for nothing?!

Ugh.