02x07 - Phresh Start

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Run the Burbs". Aired: January 5, 2022 – present.*
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A suburban stay-at-home dad of two children whose wife Camille is an entrepreneur.
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02x07 - Phresh Start

Post by bunniefuu »

Well, if it isn't the

handsomest man on the block.

Oh! Are you looking into a mirror?

What?

Mirror, mirror.

Oooh, are these the book donations,

for your new little library?

Yeah. It's been hit or miss.


- Doors '95?


- Come on.

Seriously? Who used

this operating system?

What's this?

"Rock my Ridge: A titillating

tale of love, lust, and loss."

Erotic fan fiction about

Rockridge. Written by S.S.

Sebastian.

Oh, Andrew. You gotta check this.

That's outrageous!

This obviously belongs

in the adult section.


- In the back.


- Right.


- Just like the video store!


- Yeah!

Oh, wait.

Actually, I forgot I came for a favour.

I have a prospective client

stopping into the office today.

Oooh, "prospective"!

Yeah. Her business could be huge for me.

I need her to believe I

have big clients already.


- That's where you come in.


- You need a pretend client?


- Yeah, like, a big one.


- I got you.


- Okay, I got just the thing.


- All right.


- I need to get my stuff


- Thanks, buddy!

What's my character's motivation?

What am I doing? What am I doing?

"Hudhud the hippogriff."

It's been a long time

since you've dropped in.


- Everything's going

okay with Andrew? What?!

If you need me to handle anything

Everything is okay, Dad.

It's just, uh

Okay, well, when Candy's

kid, Francis, came to visit,

it made me realize I want to stay

more connected to the

memories I have here.

Like that popsicle stick bridge.

You remember that?

I don't know why you waited

to tell us about your project

until the night before

it's due, Camille.


- I forgot.


- Oh, "I forgot."

You never forget about

your TV shows, do you?

Shh, focus! This has to be

the best bridge in the class.

There are valuable

lessons to be learned.

I know. Load distribution is about

Everyone will finally

learn that I am better

than Jennifer S.'s mom.

It will be a cold day in

hell before I forget the look


- on Jennifer S.'s mom's face.


- She was pissed!

Point is,

I am going to make an effort

to visit home more often.

On that very interesting note,

I actually have something to tell you.

No grade nine or ten has ever won

the T
-shirt design competition.

So our ideas need to be

fresh, they need to be funny.

They need to be


- Iconic.


- Iconic. Exactly.

Just like these goggles, which

neither of you noticed, by the way.

Don't worry, we noticed.

I want our ideas to be meaningful.

Gen Z's gonna change the world.

I read a post about

an article once, saying

we're the most tenacious

generation since Ancient Rome.

Well, first there were the aqueducts,

now there's TikTok. Humans

just get better and better.

What about environmental

destruction? We know about that.

Or racism in the education system?

Diminishing 2SLGBTQIA+ rights.

Housing inaccessibility.

I'll never be able to

afford an apartment.

Last week my mom's neighbour sold

her garden shed for 1.2 million!


- My hand hurts!


- The wage gap is growing. The rich get richer.

And Alex L. hasn't DM'd me

back in frickin' 24 hours!

Ow, my hand still hurts!

Are we all gonna die before any

of us make it to second base?

And that's how I'd map out the, uh

the operational

task flow for Anchorline.

I also made an Excel plan to account for

the international branch differences.

Great. Yeah, well,


- I'd love to see that.


- Oh. Oh, yeah!

It's right here. It's

still just a plan so far.


- Yeah.


- I haven't had time

to put it in Excel, you know.

Yeah. Okay


- Yeah, okay.


- Knock, knock!

Hudson!

I was just on a jet
-setting tour

of my ethical diamond

mines up in the Canadas

and thought I'd pop in

to visit my most favourite

and competent accountant. You.

The name is Jock Vonderpham.

CEO of Fancy Diamonds

Corps. You are ?

Uh, Jane. Anchorline Health.

Ah, Jane, a pleasure.

Here is my card.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

Um, did you have, like, a quick

question to ask before you

Ah, no, you are like family!

I come in, we visit

We talk a little bit, it's fun!

Yeah, why don't I give you two a moment.

Um, where's your washroom?

Oh!

It's, uh, right over there.

And it's the most

beautiful loo in the land!

Oh, okay.

Hah!

What in the junior high

improv team was that?

What accent are you doing? It

changed like, seven, 11 times!


- You can't tell?!


- No!

No, I can't tell! This

was a horrible idea.

You told me to go big.

I meant, like, a company

with 500 franchises,


- not Asian Peaky Blinders!


- Oh, damn.

That's my bad. That's a

classic miscommunication.

Shh, shh, she's coming!

Hi, Jane!

Da
-da
-da
-da
-da.

Yeah, so, there's no

water in your toilet.

Oh! Uh, it's broken again?

You can just go and use

the one at Bubble Bae.

Yeah, I'm just gonna go.


- Uh


- Okay.

Jane, hear me out!

Hudson is the kind of man

that will be there

for you no matter what.

If he doesn't know something,

he'll work to figure it out.

What happened to your accent?

Hey, hey, hey!

TikTok star here. Lil Sippy.

Here to see my guy, Huddy on the money.

I forgot about this part.

'Sup?

You see, in the cosmos,

time has no meaning.

And you know, I am, of course,

just a human being, after all.

So I am also

Okay, Dad, you've beaten

so far around the bush now

you're doing laps.


- I am


- Knock, knock, knock!

Ramesh? I brought cookies

for the open house tomorrow!


- The what?


- Oh, honey, an open house

is when prospective buyers

come into the home

No, I know what an open house is.

Seriously, Dad?! All

this, after I just told you

how I recently decided to

start cherishing this house!


- Camille.


- And with Orelei?!

She promised to get me over asking!

That's because she sets

asking prices low on purpose

to start bidding wars!

She's pitting people against

each other. Pushing them out.

She's decimating our community, Dad.

Grow up.

You know what? I'm leaving.

Camille, could you take a couple

of those boxes on your way out?

No!

They cut the funding for art class.

Now we only have three paints.


- Red, blue, and beige.


- Maybe one day,

UV rays will be so intense

we won't have school anymore.

I miss the old me from three hours ago.

When I hadn't yet realized how

horribly screwed the world is.

What are we gonna do to fix everything?

These cheese whiffs don't

taste as good as they used to.

Honestly, Jane is right.

If I want to attract bigger clients,

I have to step my business way up.

You know, this office is a

fancy diamond in the rough.


- You think?


- Yeah.

Just start by taking down

that creepy tax poster,

organize those random stacks

of loose paper, fix your toilet,

get lighting that

actually flatters the face.

What's wrong with my lighting?

Oh, Hudson.

Hire me to help you!

Sometimes I think about hiring someone,

just not a friend. It's a policy.

Come on, Hudson! You

need help organizing,

organizing is my passion.

You need an employee. I'm unemployed.

You like the top half of

Bubble Tea, I like the bottom.


- I like both parts.


- It's a perfect fit.

All right. Fine.

We'll do a trial run

tomorrow. One
-day trial.

You won't regret it. Ah! I'm so excited.

I'll grab us a Bubble Tea to celebrate!

Wait, did you say "a" Bubble Tea?

Wait! I like both parts!

What are you doing?

I just got us some more

water for water cooler talk.

All right. Hey!

I stayed up late last

night coming up with some

co
-worker nicknames. So

far, I came up with

Okay, I have some rainy

day folders in there

that need some organizing.

Maybe you can organize them?

Ah, work now play later. I respect that.

All right, let's see what we got.

Oh!

Yeah, I've been meaning to get to these.

Uh, this isn't rainy day folders.

This is like, a rainy day closet!

Uh, dawg?

Let's get to work.

Mom!

Hey, what are you doing?

Who's Leslie and why is there

a heart around their name?

Where did all these boxes come from?


- Nana Ji dropped them off.


- I can't believe him!

Did you really need to keep all this?

Participation ribbons?

Old chapstick?

Or this vase?

I will take that.

I'm going to see your Nana Ji, okay?

Can you put all these

boxes in the basement?

Uh

This is just another part of the vase.

Hudson, check this out!

Whoa!

Good job, Andrew. Well done.

While you're up, I've

got a video to show you,

you're gonna love it.


- Uh, no time for videos.


- Oh.

But it's an unlikely

animal friendship video!

You love those!

You know what?

I've got to go buy a new printer.

So, feel free to tidy

up a bit while I'm gone.

Okay.

Wow.

A quick buck on the flippers' market.

We could paint these cabinets.

Oh, those cabinets?

Used to hit my head on them

all the time growing up.

Ugh. Yeah.

And, uh, you have kids?


- Yeah.


- Well, I got two words for you:

Don't even try to let them do

a wood floor skating routine

or else they'll fall

and smash their mouth in.

That was way more than two words.

And over there? Yeah.

Really steep steps.

I sprained my ankle on the

day of my high school prom.

Never had sex, and then

when I did, I got pregnant.

Tell us more! These

anecdotes are charming!

The

Well this house is haunted!

By the ghost of my dead mom.

I'd pay top dollar

for a house so connected

to the spirit world.

Whoa! Ow!

Ow!

Leo! What happened?

I was trying to carry

Mom's stuff down here.

I would've helped you, you know.

Oh no! Mom's weird bridge!

What? A popsicle bridge? Who cares.

Mom is kinda attached

to all of her stuff

from the years before her mom d*ed.

The mother bond. We're

officially doomed.

No. I don't think we are.

Penny, get the cheese

whiffs. Steve, the glue.

Leo, elevate your ankle. We've got this.

What about this

godforsaken T
-shirt design?

Don't worry.

I've got an idea for that, too.

So, I was sneaking my

crush in through the window,

and my mom got up for a midnight snack.

Very in uh, unsecure insecure?

Whatever, the windows

in here, they suck.

I'm really surprised we haven't

had an onslaught of break
-ins.


- But what about your crush?


- Okay, yeah,

so we were sneaking in, and my

mom gets up, and she's like

What do we do?


- She's sabotaging the whole open house.


- It's Dad!

It's Dad from the future!

I've seen this before.

For whatever freaky reason,

some people have a hard time letting go

of their childhood home. It's

never about the home, though.

They can't let go of something else.

And smacked it against the window!


- I see.


- And she's like,

"I don't believe you, I don't

believe you!" And I'm like,

"Mom, no, seriously, it's me!"

Camille! Thank you so much for sharing!

But save it for therapy.

Who wants to put in an offer?

Amazing.

Tah
-dah!

Are those the sounds of appreciation?

Why wouldn't you ask me before

rearranging my entire office?

Why are you not happy?

I re
-organized, I redecorated,

I even ordered you a new toilet.

You needed a better space

and this space is way better.

The space was organized in a

way that made sense to my brain.

Now I don't know where anything is.

And where are my posters?

They were given to me

by my first boss. And

Wait. Where did my papers go?

Oh, you mean those

envelopes and napkins?

Well, consider yourself freed from junk.


- You threw out my papers?!


- Well, they didn't spark joy!

Not everything about

taxes sparks joy, Andrew!

I had important notes on those papers!

Oh, damn. Are napkins really the best

You're fired. This is exactly

why I don't hire friends.

Man, I knew this wouldn't work.

I didn't tell you I was

moving because I was afraid

you would react exactly as you did.

Parents of adults

have the responsibility

to stay in their house and

store their adult child's

childhood stuff forever.

You don't even visit

that often. Camille,

what is actually going on?

Do you remember the way

Mom used to say "bagel?"


- Bawgel.


- Bah
-gel.

Bah
-gel.

It's the details like that

that I'm finding harder

and harder to remember.

And when I'm back here,

it's like going back in time.

You know, surrounded by the memories.

I feel so close to her,

and I've been taking that for granted.

This place is like a time capsule.

That's what Barb said.

She feels close to mom?

Kind of.

Too close.

It's actually getting in the way of

Well, you know.

Ew.

But there are ways

to move forward without moving on.

Honouring the past in the present.

Like you did today with your stories.

Yeah, it did feel nice

to share those stories.

And people enjoyed hearing them.

So much so that it added $52,000

to the market value of my house.

I expect a cut.

Tonight, why don't we find

a way to honour this house,

and the memory that she's left us.


- Ah.


- I was thinking a movie night.

Let the movie night begin.

Ow! Hey!

Somehow I'm not surprised

to find you in there.

I threw out a bunch of

Hudson's stuff and he fired me

from this job and maybe

even our friendship,

and he's been weirdly serious all day.

He wouldn't even look at an

unlikely animal friendship video.

Do you think it has

something to do with Lisa?

How dare you say her name!

They owned the business together,

and he only just signed

the divorce papers.

Whoa.


- Damn.


- Catch!

Okay

Do you have any spare gloves, Cathy?

I lost all my paperwork and

maybe also my friendship,

'cause I accidentally fired

Andrew, and he's acting

over
-the
-top weird today,

but then again, so have I.

So I just need these gloves to get in

Hudson! I'm sorry I was weird, man!

Well, I'm sorry I was weird, too!

You're both weird.

Look, I just realized that I

was probably stepping on some

"she who must not be

named" nerves today.

I'm sorry.

I'm coming in there, man!

There's there's an entrance there.

Working together is part of

why Lisa and I didn't work out.

You know, you're my best friend,

and I just didn't want to lose you too.

But then I fired you and

now we're in a dumpster.

No, I shouldn't have gone

all "trading spaces" on you.

But I'm gonna make things up.

I'll even re
-hang your creepy tax poster

once I get the mayonnaise off it.

No, man, I like your poster way more.

Oh, thank God. I think

that one is haunted.

And I love working with you, man.

You're really good at this stuff.

So, if you're willing,

I'd like to offer you a

permanent position here.

You know, just until you

can find something else.

Aww!

I gotta call Camille! And my mom!

Thank you. You won't regret this.

You won't regret this again.

Show me that animal video, man!

Okay, yes!

Oh, oh!

Oh, it's an orca and a squirrel!

She's home!

What? This is nowhere near finished!

Lia? Kheo?


- And she's coming!


- Leo!

I mean, Khia! Leo!

Hey, kids. You doing crafts?


- Yep!


- Nope!

Okay


- Mom, I can explain!


- I didn't mean to drop it!

This was way harder than I remembered!

Mercury's in retrograde,

it was inevitable!

Accidents happen.

We're sorry.

We can rebuild it together?

That'd be nice. Come on.

Oh, did you finish your T
-shirt design?

Actually, I came up with an

idea inspired by Leo's wipe
-out.

So glad I could be an inspiration.

"The work is yours to do,

but never yours alone."

I love that.


- Yeah, it's awesome, Khia.


- Thanks.

Totally worth our trip to

the pits of existential hell.

Pass me the cheese

whiffs, this bridge party's

about to be poppin'!

Mom, can we circle back to

this "Leslie" lover of yours?

Uh, yeah.

But first, let me tell you

the story about this bridge.

So, I was in the fifth grade, and my mom

had an ongoing rivalry

with Jennifer S.'s mom

"Barbacula was tied to

Mesh
-Ram, a professor of magic,

but yearned for the lowly

fish t*nk artisan nearby

Barbacula!"

"Sebarshian!

Only you know the secrets

of my vampire ways!"

And only you know I'm a werewolf!"

"Catch a ride with Hudhud

the hippogriff and meet me

at the cul
-de
-sac by moonlight.

I'm going to rock your ridge!"

Sebastian's a literary genius.
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