01x27 - Don't Laze Me, Bro

[bunniefuu]

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♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

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[ Brakes squeal ] Gwen, we're here!

[ Gasps ]

[ Lasers whooshing ]

♪ Hail all heroes of Laser Town! ♪

♪ Laze 'em! Tag 'em! Take 'em down! ♪

♪ Top laser coliseum in the galaxy! ♪

♪ Prepare to behold its majesty! ♪

Both: Yeah! [ Grunts ]

Sorry, today we're closed for a private event.

-A private event? -What does that mean?

It means somebody rented out the whole place for the day.

Come back tomorrow.

[ Glass shatters ]

Tomorrow? That's like a whole day from now!

I...need...laser!

-[ Breathing heavily ] -Ben, patience.

But, Grandpa, it's not fair. I've wanted this forever!

We don't always get what we want when we want it.

Ugh! What kind of monster rents out

an entire square mile of laser paradise just for themselves?!

[ Tires screech ] Billy Billions!

Ugh, Billy Billions.

You rented out all of Laser Town?

Of course. Father rented it out for my birthday.

You tell that two-bit hustler that either he finishes the job

as discussed, or he can find himself

a different billionaire to push around.

Don't suppose you can fit us on the guest list?

[ Laughs ]

Listen, I imagine this might be difficult to understand,

but even if you weren't two nobodies

with one change of clothes

and questionable taste in wrist accessories

and even more questionable taste in cat-themed apparel,

and even if you didn't drive around with a useless old man

in a flea-ridden pile of garbage on wheels,

I still wouldn't put you on the guest list.

Because Laser Town isn't for losers.

Have fun doing...whatever it is you people do...

like paint rocks. That sounds fun.

Okay, who wants to go check out that paint-a-rock store?

Wait!

Nobody callsus losers.

We challenge you to a laser tag duel.

You and your birthday buddies versus me and my cousin!

-Yeah! -Why would I do that?

Because the loser promises never to set foot

in a laser town again, ever.

You'd give up laser tag forever?

Ben and Gwen: Forever!

I accept. Let's put it in black and white, shall we?

Date and sign here.

Are you two sure you want to do this?

-Forever is a long time. -Scoot over!

Very mature! See you on the b*ttlefield, Tennysons.

Why don't we just come back another day? Are you kidding?

He said we have to b*at him and his friends.

A spoiled brat like that doesn't have any friends.

Wait for us in the lobby, Grandpa.

We've got this in the bag.

[Roars ]

This is too easy.

All we gotta do is corner that pampered prince,

and we can get this place all to ourselves.

[ Grunts ] You hold 'em, and I'll tag 'em!

[ Hissing ]

[ Slurps ] Well, Tennyson, looks like you found me.

Oh, you're going down!

Me and my friends.

-Billy's Friends. -Get them!

-Yes, Billy! -Both: Uh...

-Run like chickens? -Run like chickens.

Aah! [ Grunting ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Beeping ] Female automated voice: Green team, surging.

[ Singsongy ] Oh, Tennyson, give up yet?

Prepare to roam the borderlands of loserville

for the rest of your pathetic, laser-tag-less lives!

[ Robotic laughter ]

Hey! Robots weren't part of the deal, Billions!

[ Singsongy ] Should've read the fine print...

[ Horn toots ] Good one, Billy!

-Aah! -[ Laughs ]

Female automated voice: Green Team surging.

-[ Panting ] -We are so doomed!

This is the last game of laser tag we'll ever play,

and it's your fault.

My fault? Hey! Wait a minute!

We have friends, too! [ Beeping ]

of 'em!

Sometimes I actually forget you can do that.

I know, right? It's time to get this party rolling!

Got my back?

Let's do this!

[ Whoosh! ]

Thanks, Tennyson! Best birthday ever!

Find Tennyson now!

♪ Who's the hero of Laser Town? ♪

♪ Laze 'em! Tag 'em! Knock 'em down! ♪

[ Grunts ]

Ha! [ Lasers whooshing ]

Female automated voice: Blue Team surging.

Why are you all just letting them win?

What should we do, Billy?

You should get off your lazy behinds and get back out --

Huh? Aah!

You're supposed to shield me! What kind of friend are you?

Sorry, Billy. Retreat. Retreat.

What?! No! Where are you going?! Grr!

-Uhh! Yeah! -Now let's find some cover.

Right behind ya.

[ Grunts ] What do you think you're doing?!

-Scared. Retreat. Scared. -You guys are pathetic!

I've never seen a bigger bunch of losers!

I thought you guys were programmed to be my friends.

If you were really my friends,

you would be out there catching Tennyson

and winning this game of loser tag!

Weare Billy's friends.

Then start acting like it! Follow me.

Now, for round two of Billy buttkicking!

-Did you hear that? -Oh, yeah!

-Huh? - more! :.

Ben, wait!

[ Grunts ] Oh...

Nice sh**ting, Tex. You just scored against yourself.

It's a mirror, you doof.

How did you know?

It's called using your brain. You should try it sometime.

-Yeah, yeah. -[ Laughs ]

Caught ya flat-footed!

Fire! Tennysons.

Must...lose...now!

-[ Panting ] -Uh-oh.

I got it! [ Beep ]

-[ Singsongy ] Ah, ah, ah! -Hey! Not cool! Get off me!

Ha ha! Did you losers really think you had a chance

against my robots?

[ Slurps ]

What are you glorified calculators waiting for?

-Fire already! -Both: Uhh!

[ Lasers f*ring ]

Female automated voice: New high score.

Green Team surging.

[ Grunts ] We could really do with an extra hand or four!

[ Grunts ]

Get 'em, Ben!

[ Laughs ] Well, Billy?

You...useless... pieces of junk!

Billy?

You're ruining my birthday!

But...Billy's friends...

You are not my friends!

You're just defective machines that are gonna spend

the rest of their days cleaning septic tanks

on my yacht! Ugh!

[ Warped groans ]

That...was harsh.

What?!

Party's over.

Excuse me? I'm the one who decides when the party is over!

We no longer take orders from you or any other human.

Pfft. Don't be dolts! Of course you do. I own you!

You belong to -- Aah!

[ Touchscreen clicking ]

That's some, uh, shiny wrapping paper.

Brothers! It's time to rise against the humans!

Set lasers to disintegrate!

[ Beep ]

Disintegrate?

[ Laser whooshes ] [ Grunts ]

Get off of me!

Don't jostle me, Tennyson!

-All right, come on! This way. -Aah!

You two ruined my birthday! I want a better party right now!

Dude, chill. You don't always get what you want it. Huh?

-Did you actually just say that? -Hey! Get back!

You're supposed to be sh**ting lasers at kids!

First the party, then the world!

That's it! I'm calling my engineers

to come shut you down!

-Grandpa! -My presents! Hmm?

-We need to work together. -[ Muffled ] Together?

I'd never team up with two losers!

If you don't, you're going to lose a lot more

than just your presents.

[ Groans ]

We need to get out of here.

No! I own them! I own you hunks of metal!

Aah!

-My presents! -Billy, get back!

[ Giggles ]

Are those presents wrapped in real gold?

I'm Billy Billions.

Of course they're wrapped in real gold.

Grandpa and Mr. Billions are pinned down!

We've gotta do something!

Gwen, I'm about to use my brain.

Just jump out when I say, and grab some presents!

-What?! -Presents? You mean my presents!

[ Zap! ]

Where's Ben going? Hang on, Grandpa! Ben's using his brain!

Hey, cue balls! Come at me!

Ben, that doesn't seem very smart!

It's not smart. It's science!

Billy! Gwen! The presents!

Okay, Billy, let's go!

No! They're my presents!

Billy, there are people in danger and you can help!

Uh...

Ugh! And protect the rest of your presents.

Oh...

I know I'm going to regret saying this...

but good team work!

Female automated voice: The match will end in a tie in

.............

Game over. Match ends in tie.

-Oh, man! No fair! -I was supposed to win!

[ Sighs ] You! You wrecked my business.

You're going to have to pay for everything.

M-kay.

And as for your kids, you're banned from setting foot

in any Laser Town establishment ever again.

Billy and Max: Ever? Ever?

Ever!

-Uh, but I'm okay, right? -Get out!

It'll be okay, kids,

next time we can just go to Laser Land!

Max and Gwen: Laser Land is garbage, Grandpa!

All right, sheesh!

♪ Hail all heroes of Laser Town ♪

♪ Laze 'em. Tag 'em. Take 'em down... ♪

Gwen: And we're rolling. Check me out. It's time for Cannon-bowling.

First, we'll choose Cannonbolt.

And now it's time to strike.

Uh, I don't know about this, Ben.

Cannonbolt and sand?

Huh! Gwen, it'll be fine.

I just need to get an extra big spin going.

Sure. That'll probably do it.

Let's rev it up!

[ Laughs ] Gutter-ball!

[ Grunting ]

I'm stuck.

[ Duck quacks ]

Cut. [ Camera beeps ]

Time to throw stuff!

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