I'm very happy to be on film,
and a m*therf*cking
live audience.
I'm really nervous, 'cause l
ain't had no cocaine all day.
Love cocaine.
I don't know what I'm going to
talk about, but I have a list.
No, it's exciting.
I'm very excited and stuff,
I'm glad y'all didn't move,
a lot of y'all.
But I imagine a lot of y'all
will be leaving during my shit,
but that's cool, too.
'cause that shit'll
be in the film.
And, I'd like to...
I hope I'm funny and shit,
you know, 'cause, you know,
just to be a n*gg*r
standing up here and just be
sayin' nothing...
ain't shit.
But, I hope my shit is funny.
And I like to.
I always wanted to do that, man.
No, white dudes used to do that
in gym class after they
take a shower.
They come out of the shower
and be going,
"Hi, d*ck. Can you do that?"
"No, but I will tomorrow,
m*therf*cker."
You gotta process and shit,
you know.
Be Puerto Rican.
You can be Puerto Rican
with a process in the Midwest.
Puerto Ricans was famous.
Not like in New York.
No, 'cause they got a lot
of Puerto Ricans in New York,
but in the Midwest they don't
have many Puerto Ricans.
They have, like three,
in the whole Midwest.
I was one of 'em.
I was jivin'.
But I had my shit
together, man.
[Spanish-like gibberish]
Got some p*ssy too.
Only thing that gave me up
when I was coming,
"Oh, shit!"
"That's not Puerto Rican."
I always wanted to be something.
I never wanted to be white.
Hope not out of line.
No, I always wanted to be
something different, you know,
than a n*gg*r, 'cause n*gg*r*s
have it so rough.
I tried to be, you know,
a black cat with neat hair.
I thought that was the problem,
the hair.
I said, if my hair was straight,
then whitey'd dig me.
So I got a process.
Wrong.
I lived in a neighborhood
with a lot of whorehouses.
Ah, not many
candy stores or banks.
Liquors stores and whorehouses.
You know,
n*gg*r*s love to drink.
They say.
No I went through, like,
white neighborhoods,
you have banks and shit.
You have to go four miles
to get some liquor.
n*gg*r*s can get liquor,
just walk outta the house,
"Oh, this a liquor store.
Eh, OK."
And I remember tricks used to
come through our neighborhood,
that's where I first met
white people.
They come down through
our neighborhood
to help the economy.
Nice white dudes, though.
'cause I could have been
a bigot.
You know what I mean?
I could have been prejudice.
I, I could have been prejudice.
I could've been, man,
but I met nice white men,
"Hello, little boy.
Is your mother home?
I'd like a blowjob."
I wonder what would happen
if n*gg*r*s go through
white neighborhoods
and doin' that.
"Hey, man, is your mama home?
Tell the bitch we wanna f*ck."
"Ah, I'll see.
She says you have
to come back after lunch."
I got get my belt.
I gotta be cool
when you be on film.
n*gga gotta have
belt in loop.
Above suspicion.
Is my make-up looking OK?
I think it's very exciting.
I don't know about you all
but I like being on film.
I always wanted to be
in the movies myself.
Like Johnny Mack Brown.
Y'all don't remember
Johnny Mack Brown?
You ever saw Lasch LaRue?
Dude was cool for a f*gg*t.
Fuzzy Cool Jones
was his main man.
It was exciting.
I saw them at a state fair
in Springfield, lllinois,
that's why they...
Why you lookin'
at my d*ck, man?
Oh, you're not... ah you're
certainly not looking that long.
I mean its not true what they
say about colored guys.
People believe that.
"You colored guys really have
big ones, don't you?"
"Yea, wanna see, it's..."
I'd expose myself but too many
white ladies in the audience.
They'd be goin',
"l thought colored guys were
built better than that."
I always wanted to get some
'cause I like watchin'
the tricks getting' p*ssy,
right.
I use to peek through,
like, the keyhole.
You can't peek through
a keyhole, right,
'cause your head
keep hittin' the door.
Ya have to look over
the transom and shit, right.
And the tricks would
be f*ckin', right.
They be "Oh, oh, gosh,
golly ma'am, it's really good,
it's really good."
And the whores be going,
"Ah-h, shit baby.
Ah-h, god damn that.
Ah-h, shit.
Yea, honey, ain't no white man
ever f*ck me like you, baby.
Ah, g*dd*mn."
It was weird.
I remember white dudes used
to come down,
"Do you have any girls here
that cover you with ice cream?"
"And little boys
that lick it off?"
He was the mayor.
I lived in what you call,
the ghetto,
as Elvis Presley
"ln the ghetto.
I may look white but wait
till tonight, I'm a n*gg*r."
But I grew up, ah,
I learned about white folks.
'Cause I use to eat
with a white friend of mine,
Dickey Lemon,
had a white friend.
White folks eat quiet.
I learned that.
No, they do.
"Pass the potatoes, darling."
"Thank you, dear."
"My, that smells scrumptious."
"Here you go, young fellow.
And how are you doing
in those grades, Dickey?
Well, you must keep your marks
up, you know. By gummy."
"Are we having sexual
intercourse this evening,
darling?
I was hoping I could insert
my penis into your vag*na.
Well I can't?
What the heck."
n*gg*r*s made noise
when they ate.
My daddy, man, he pitched
a bitch,
"Say bitch, where the food?
Well g*dd*mn, I'm-a come on.
Shit.
What, you wash your hands, boy?
Yea, the n*gg*r's
hands wash, mamma.
Shit.
We're ready t'eat.
Damn.
I'll git.
All you motherfuck.
g*dd*mn.
g*dd*mn.
Shit, ya pass shit n*gg*r
go for yourself.
m*therf*cker.
Motherfuckin' shit."
My daddy suckin'
a bowl and shit,
[sucking sounds]
"Oh, g*dd*mn,
n*gg*r you better get that meat
outta there, m*therf*cker.
Look-it, look-it, there's
some meat in there, n*gg*r.
Shit.
Look down in there, boy.
Look-it there.
Mother. Shit.
You can throw shit away, n*gg*r,
shit, better eat
with your white friends."
It was exciting.
HA-HA-HA.
It was, though.
It was exciting.
I'm glad I'm black, 'cause,
I'd hate to be white,
'cause y'all got
to go to the moon.
Ain't no n*gg*r*s going
to the moon, you know that.
First of all, ain't no n*gg*r*s
qualified, so y'all tell us.
So we ain't go to be
worried about that.
n*gg*r*s was hip, they'd help
y'all get to the moon.
"Hey, man, let's organize and
help them white m*therf*ckers
get to the moon
so they'll leave us alone..."
But I don't hate white folks.
No-siree-bob.
One of my great-great
grandparents was white.
I'm sure of it.
'Cause I know I didn't look like
this when I came from Africa.
You know what I mean?
I'm afraid you do.
But I like white women.
That's my only...
I have a white women disease.
I could be a revolutionary.
But I like white women
with big titties.
You know, 'cause they have
titties that have skin
when you rip their clothes off,
"Bitch!"
rip.
You know,
and their titties pop out.
[sound effect]
And they come so loud.
[moaning] That's great.
"A colored man,
what have I done?"
And you can do your black shit,
"This is for the Congo."
Then, ah. f*ckin' was always
the thing, you remember that?
You could never get no p*ssy
in the 50's,
'cause all the girls had
the disease call "the virgin."
"I'm a virgin!"
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAAA!
It was hard
to get some p*ssy, man.
You had to be scheming,
'specially.
Like you could easily
get some p*ssy,
Iike some dudes could get p*ssy,
right, "Bitch."
"Ooh-ooh-ohh."
I try that, get an ass whippin'.
"I ain't no bitch,
m*therf*cker."
[smacking noise]
But you try to get p*ssy,
you know, like you even
fall in love with a bitch
to get some p*ssy.
"I love you darling,
yes I do.
Why, you remind me
of the sunset.
You remind me of the ocean waves
that fall across the seashells
on the shore.
I want to touch your body,
just like that, dear."
And then they give you
a little p*ssy,
but a little.
But you can't come in them.
Right, they always say that.
"Don't come in me."
"Oh, no-siree-bob I never come.
It's not my thing.
It's not how I get my kicks.
Coming's not my trip.
Almost coming,
that's how I fill...
Or b*tches always be saying shit
like, you know,
"Don't come yet."
That's the lowdown
when they do that.
"Don't come yet."
"No, no! I'm not coming yet.
No, I'll hold on!
Oh, God, yea!
O-o-o-h-h."
It's great coming.
I know, like,
some folks don't come,
white folks don't come.
That's why they f*ck quiet.
as I was saying two hours ago.
Man, they do, they be [quietly]
"Mmm, mmmm, mmm I'm coming."
n*gg*r*s make noise
when they f*ck.
"Ah, shit, baby.
I g*dd*mn...
don't move it now...
ah, shit,...
you m*therf*cker, you."
And then you come and fart.
Blame it on your old lady.
"That you, baby?"
"Did you fart, mother?"
"Aw, shit, you farted, bitch.
You know you farted,
m*therf*cker.
Girl, you better get operation.
Bet you done
tore somethin' loose. Shit."
"You know I don't fart,
I poot."
'Cause the girls,
they always poot,
they never fart, right,
they go, Poot "scuse me."
They always ease 'em out,
them stinkin' m*therf*ckers,
they ease out.
Like you be in the car,
somethin, you can't say nothin,
you be...
"Oh, no nothing dear,
it's, just God,
ah, get me to the hospital,
please, I'm..."
My grandmother could fart,
but she'd fart
early in the morning,
right about five o'clock,
and sit on the toilet and never,
ever shit,
but made a loud noise.
You know what I mean?
You know, like sit on a toilet
and never shit,
just make a [farting], you
know, like a boat coming in.
[foghorn]
"Eh, must be four o'clock."
Getting filmed is a drag,
you know.
No, because, I'm nervous.
I don't want to be nervous
'cause I'm... ain't lyin'.
People shit.
People will not admit they shit.
"No sir, I never had a bowel
movement ever in my life."
Right, yes, people like Nixon,
"I've never had
a bowel movement.
And I think it's communistic
to assume that American's
move their bowels."
Ya know Nixon don't come, right,
you know, if he does,
he apologizes.
Let me make this
perfectly clear...
And his old lady, man,
he can't come in her
'cause she ain't
got no p*ssy left.
That many facelifts she had.
p*ssy all up in her ear.
And Trisha Nixon can't
give her p*ssy away.
Even the Secret Service man,
"Ah, no, I gotta watch the car."
"No, no, I understand."
"Ever heard of Massengill."
Massengill's a douche powder.
Maybe white girls don't douche,
but I remember that was
a big thing in whorehouses,
ya know.
"Bitch, you better get some
douche powder."
You know, that was the thing.
All the whore's sound like
Flip Wilson,
"Better get some douche powd."
That was my, I was
the errand boy
for all the whores
in the neighborhood.
You know, I used to run and get
Ktex and all that shit,
before Tampax came along.
I remember the white,
burlesque girls
always use Tampax
and the n*gg*r*s used Ktex.
'Cause we bleed a lot
because we're so real.
I said "we" like
I'm one of the b*tches.
Can we edit this?
No, never f*ck a f*gg*t.
No, I like to say this
on film because,
to all the American
male persons,
never f*ck a f*gg*t
'cause they will lie.
They always say,
"I won't tell."
They lie.
They can't wait
till you finish f*ckin' `em.
"Well guess who was here, honey?
Girl, look it, here.
Well the n*gg*r got more bitch
in 'em than me."
Don't ever give a f*gg*t head.
'Cause you really be
lowdown, then, right.
You all act like you ain't never
suckin' a d*ck or somethin'.
Y'all be like, "No-siree-bob,
we've never, ever
touched a penis in our lives.
We're real men."
I sucked a d*ck.
You can get a habit
from suckin' d*ck.
You can be a d*ck junkie.
You can only do it
maybe three times.
You do it more than that,
you get a habit, you be,
"I gotta have a d*ck.
Now, please, [inaudible] unless
I have a cock in my mouth."
I used to give head
to dudes who'd always say,
"Don't come into my mouth."
"Our father, who art in heaven."
No, but, no buts about it,
f*ck it.
But it's exciting, man,
being black,
because being white ain't
very exciting,
'cause the best you can do
when you white is go to heaven.
You know what I mean?
But n*gg*r*s, n*gg*r*s can't
go no place.
That's what's so exciting
about being a n*gg*r.
You know what I mean, might f*ck
around and luck up on heaven.
Negroes can't go to heaven.
They can get a promise
to heaven.
I was a n*gro for 23 years.
I gave that shit up.
No room for advancement.
I was, too, man,
and I had my shit down pat.
I had a lot of fun
being a n*gro.
Got to f*ck a lot white girls.
That was the most important
part, f*ckin' white girls.
[comment offstage] Huh?
[gibberish]
It's my nose.
You never ate a booger?
No, some people
don't eat boogers, man.
Boogers are hip.
I like my boogers.
I do.
I like boogers, I like boogers
and I like the way I fart.
I have great smelling farts.
People can't dig it, but,
I like the way I shit.
I shit cool, don't smell bad
or nothin'.
I don't care what anyone says.
I'm religious.
That's right,
I used to go
to white Protestant church.
Used to scare the shit
out of me, right.
'Cause they had
that strange music.
[vocal sounds]
You expect Dracula to jump out
on you any second, right.
If he did I'd a
held the cross up.
'Cause he's allergic to bullshit
[audience groan].
Drac didn't have no n*gg*r*s
in his day.
He just had pretty b*tches,
And it was hard for a bitch
to turn Dracula down
'cause he promises somethin'
that any bitch in the world
could not refuse.
"How would you like to be
beautiful forever. Bla Bla."
"f*ck me, Bite me, m*therf*cker,
anywhere, I don't care."
For a bitch
to be pretty forever.
"You never will change"
"Oh, yea, where you
gonna bite me. Here?"
But no n*gg*r*s, 'cause
n*gg*r*s'd k*ll Dracula.
And as soon as them
m*therf*ckers goin' to sleep,
I'm going take this
motherfuckin' toothpick
and s*ab the n*gg*r
in the chest.
Don't be f*ckin' with me.
That's why you never saw a movie
where Dracula be walkin'
down the street
with a n*gg*r, right?
Like say him and a brother
be walkin',
Ah, hey bro, what's happenin'?"
"You got it. Bla Bla."
"Yea, a, you know, what's
your story mornin' glory?"
"There's nothing to it.
Bla Bla-la."
"Look man, where you goin'?
Which way, you know what I mean?
'Cause I don't need
to be walkin' which you, man.
You know what I'm sayin',
I ain't for dat shit.
You know what I mean,
I ain't for no 'blah-la-la-la',
you know what I mean.
I ain't in 'ta that.
I ain't nothin,
ain't no f*gg*t in me."
"But I'm not a f*gg*t.
I vant to suck your blood.
Blah."
"Yea, you want
to suck my 'blah-a-a-a'.
I know what you want to suck
m*therf*cker,
but I don't play that.
You dig?
Now get your hand off me
you m*therf*cker!
You don't be touchin' me!
Ya understand?
'Cause I kick your ass, baby."
"If you hit me, I will fly
away. Blah."
"Well, m*therf*cker, you gonna
to have to go somewhere.
Now get, get up off me!
Sissy mother.
You see that dude,
that m*therf*cker
I was talking to...
bit me where?
Say, man, the f*ck you doin'
biting me on the neck?"
Drac had the heavy shit.
He'd bite you.
He'd bite little b*tches, too,
little girls, too.
[gulping sound]
"Anything you say Dracula."
I think my naval
wants to say something.
Now lets pretend like
the lights are out
and there ain't no cameras
and none of that shit, you dig?
Then I can get down.
I have to tell that to myself,
then, 'cause you all
don't give a f*ck
one way or the other,
"So what if there's no camera.
You're just not funny, Dickey."
Thank you, Mom.
You fool around?
Ah, so, uh... any requests?
If this mirror,
well I looking in this mirror.
I wish I was nude.
Hey, does your d*ck
really look bigger on camera?
I always wanted to smoke shit,
'cause Clifford smoked shit,
made cool sounds,
a friend of mine,
[inhale sound effect].
"This some jammin' shit.
Where'd you
get this shit at, man?
This is outta site.
You want some Rich?
Here you go.
[inhale sound effect].
Yea, it sound cool, bro,
but you gotta light it first."
I was always f*ckin' up, man.
I never got my shit together.
But I tried.
I did, man.
I always wanted to be cool
'cause you could get p*ssy
if you was cool.
Right, 'cause the girls
give you p*ssy.
Nobody like p*ssy nowadays, huh?
But in the old days,
when you liked p*ssy,
but you couldn't get it...
does anyone remember
liking p*ssy?
That was the thing,
that was like status, man,
if you could get some p*ssy.
And dudes always be like,
"Man I had two b*tches
the other night,
The b*tches was freakin' off.
The other bitch licked
the other bitch's shoe heel.
That's right, you know, you dig?
Ha-ha-a-a!
I told her, I said, look here,
I'm gonna put a chair
in the bitch's cli-tor-is.
I want you to suck the,
little bitch."
[laughing]
Had some beautiful stories, man.
I always had fun being black.
I guess y'all never know.
But that's the price ya pay
for being white.
'Cause it's hard being white,
it ain't easy.
You have to be
a certain kinda dude.
Can you imagine, like,
white dude,
Like a dude like you,
you go to your job tomorrow,
if you walked
into your job and go
"How'd feel Fred?"
"f*ck you!"
"I beg your pardon, Fred?
Why don't you just take
the day off.
You must be
overexerting yourself."
You know, they think
you're crazy.
n*gg*r*s is in trouble.
"Well, that's the way
they talk all the time.
Just discharge him."
n*gg*r*s got to talk that way
when you all don't understand
"Please get off my back."
Y'all don't understand that,
"What does he mean by
'on my back?"'
Got to articulate it.
"Your standing on the man's
sleeno splataurus
along with the elevation
of the dual process
within the limitations
of the foot as it processes."
n*gg*s ain't gonna wait
that long for y'all to get up.
'Cause they got black
m*therf*ckers, now.
They be black [inaudible].
Black [inaudible].
I remember when black
wasn't beautiful.
Black man come
to our neighborhood,
"Black is beautiful,
Africa's your home,
beware the black man,
be proud to be black."
And my parents go,
"That n*gg*r crazy."
"Better get your ass away
from here with that shit.
Don't start no trouble
'round here."
"When you want me to move
ask me to move.
I'm Allwell.
That's right,
Allwell Jones B.T. Johnson.
Ya, understand?
You don't be No n*gg*r,
you ain't gonna hit me
with nothin', Mr. Officer.
I don't take no ass whoopin',
and don't know nothin'
about unconscience.
You got ta k*ll me.
You remember last summer
when them 15 police come
got that crazy n*gg*r,
eight or nine of 'em
got f*cked up?
That's me!
You hit me,
I'm gonna bite your d*ck.
I'm gonna die with some nuts
in my hand, man.
Now, what you gonna do?"
Alright, well, we'll be back.
Hangin' out was
the groovy, right?
If you could hang out, ya know.
I always like to hang out
with wino's and shit
'cause wino's always new Jesus.
Like I said, I was religious?
'Cause in the Midwest, right,
the hillbillies own God.
[southern drawl]
"Hello, out there
friends and neighbors.
Has God touched you today?
Have you been touched
by Jesus Christ?
Jesus Christ,
the Savior of us all.
The very same Jesus who touched
the rock and turned it to stone.
He will be in town
June 13th, 14th, and 15th.
Coupons will be accepted
at the door."
Hope I'm not out of line.
I hate to see folks leave
when I be talkin'.
I hope y'all get r*ped
by black folks with clap.
And nothing worse
than the black clap.
I had the clap once.
I thought I was cool, man,
'cause the dudes knew
I was getting' some.
"Richie got the clap!
Outta site! My man! Yea-a-a-."
I thought that was cool.
The clap.
Nothin' like the clap.
[singing] "There is nothing
like the cla-a-a-p."
Moving right along.
No, but Oral Roberts is
the hippest religious person
I know.
Ya ever seen his show?
The Oral Roberts show?
Never seen Oral Robert?
He be healin' m*therf*ckers?
They be goin',
"I'm goin' see Oral Roberts."
And he straighten them out,
and they be goin',
"It was really wonderful."
I can see him
in his dressing room,
[knocking]
"Five minutes, Mr. Roberts."
[inhaling sound]
Thank you. I'll be right out.
"How's the house Freddie?"
"Ah, 's OK, ah, couple real
cripples up front.
Wanna move 'em back?"
"Ah, no, we're working
on cataracts tonight, it's..."
Wino's are religious, though.
'Cause they puke.
You can't be no more religious
than that, to vomit.
"What do you think of life?"
[vomiting]
Wino's and fighters.
I never could fight,
and never could be a good wino.
'Cause fightin' was serious.
Ya know, n*gg*r*s could fight.
I never could fight, man.
But I had a cool run.
In case the girls
see me runnin'.
"Look, Richard's runnin'."
"Yes, but he's cool."
'Cause, dudes,
I remember the cool dudes,
when the cool dudes fight
the big dudes,
they always fought cool, right?
"Ah, what you mean, man.
Huh? No wait, hold it.
No wait a minute.
Oh, get up.
No, what you mean?
What, you gonna
jump on who n*gg*r, Huh?
Ya jump on whom?
When?
Well, you ain't
jumpin' on nobody.
I'm the one in charge.
Want to jump on me,
m*therf*cker?
[struggle]
Get. Mmmm. Mother. Yea. Ahh.
Now do somethin'.
Come on, Fred, yea,
m*therf*cker, yea. Frankie!"
This shit be getting' down,
boy, they be dukin'.
It was beautiful.
I never could do it, though.
I always wanted
to sit on the porch
and just look at p*ssy.
Or hang with the winos 'cause
they knew Jesus personally.
If you die, you could
go to Heaven from a wino.
"Man, I know Jesus.
Shit, live over there
in the project.
n*gg*r ain't shit.
I new the boy's mama.
That's right, man.
Girl with big titties?
Pretty black girl, man.
Had personality
all over her face.
Well, that's right.
I knew her.
I'm the one responsible
for that girl.
She wasn't no virgin, neither.
'Cause I knew a couple n*gg*r*s
eased up there and got some.
Shit, be tellin' me.
I 'member when her son,
Jesus, was born
'cause her husband Joe
damn near k*lled 'er.
'Cause she told him
God made a baby.
He beat her with a pool stick.
Said 'Bitch, you gonna tell me
who the daddy of this baby is.'
Damn near broke
that bitch's neck.
She fessed up.
Found out it was Jimmy Walker.
That's right.
I knew Jesus when he was
nothin', man.
Little boy.
I remember when he got k*lled.
I'm the one tried to save
the boy's life.
People talk about it was,
what, Easter.
Motherfuck that...
it was June 10, 1935.
I said, 'Boy, don't you go down
to the railroad track
f*ckin' with them Jews
without no money.'
That's right.
n*gg*r went down there,
they k*lled his ass.
Talkin' 'bout he rose
from the grave,
shit he wouldn't get up
in the mornin'.
Shit, I been around.
I ain't no fool,
I studies peoples.
I know what peoples
comin' from.
Shit, I'm a peopleologist.
That's right.
People don't know
what I been doing, man.
I'm one of the first
colored's man in the FBl.
That's right, J. Edgar Hoover
'pointed me personally, girl.
Wanted somebody on the railroad
to watch the Mexicans.
That's right.
Cause couldn't nobody
on the bureau
at that particular time
speak Mexican talk.
Then they hired me.
I can understand Mexican 'cause
I hear 'em takin',
I say 'what you say,
m*therf*cker?'
They tell me.
Damn.
Whew.
Whoo.
Let's see you birds sing that!
Tweet, tweet my ass.
Ya gotta get down.
See the people gotta understand
this community..
Say fool!
You better slow that car down!
g*dd*mn, you don't come
drive down through here
Iike you crazy!
This a neighborhood, man,
this ain't no
residential district!
Shit, you coulda
kept that sign anything.
That 'ol bitch.
You see, that, girl?
What you lookin' fer, a match?
Well, go for youself.
See, I'm gonna
tell you somethin'.
See, that fool
that just drove, there.
That don't mean nothin' to me.
I lives around here.
I'm in charge of this district.
I directs traffic every day.
I handles these peoples.
Listen, this..Iook, watch.
Say ice cream boy!
No, we don't want no ice cream.
Can you turn
that g*dd*mn noise off?
Well, don't nobody want to hear
that tink-a-ling shit
this time a mornin'.
Yea, I get some of them Pampers
on your ass n*gg*r,
you don't turn it off.
Well, jump out that car,
you bad m*therf*cker.
Yea, I know how get your ass
back in there, n*gg*r.
Shit, I don't take no shit.
I was in World w*r I, boy,
I'm a vetran.
That's right,
I was in France.
I was at the battle
at Chateau-Brion.
You don't f*ck with me.
I ain't no fool.
I got mustard gas wounds
all over my body.
Mess with me.
Shit, I understand.
I'm pure.
My great-great-great-great
grandmother was
African princess.
That's right, I ain't got no
white blood in me.
I'm pure.
Name was Cleo.
Cleo Johnson.
Shit.
I been aro.
Tryin' laugh at me.
You gotta call, h*nky.
Is that a camera?
What that m*therf*cker
over there doin'
with a camera, man?
You can't film this.
Can't get arrested
for drinkin' nothin'.
See, peoples got to understand
what's going on with the world.
When I was young,
I used to pimp.
I been around.
Shit, Mae West was my whore.
That's right,
little short-legged bitch.
That's right.
Bitch gave me plenty money.
Me and Jack Johnson.
I used to box,
I boxed Jack Johnson, boy.
I boxed that n*gg*r 17 rounds.
June 5th, 1905.
We fought for 17 rounds, boy,
I'd-a won if it don't snow.
n*gg*r saw that white,
damn near kilt me.
[punching sound].
See that boy over there
in the street?
See that boy?
Used to be a genius.
Boy used to book the numbers,
didn't need paper or pencil.
Now the n*gg*r can't remember
his shoe lace.
Get off the street, boy!
Look at the n*gg*r.
Move, m*therf*cker!
'Fore you get run over, boy,
get outta the way!
Willie!
Move outta the street, man.
What's happenin!'
What's happ. What's happenin'!
What's happenin'!
[jibberish]
What's happenin'!
Shit.
I see you 'ol m*therf*cker.
I'm mean motherfuck these calls.
I'm directin' this shit.
Oh-h.
Say, man, I feel bad enough
to drink some milk.
Ya got anything?"
"Yea, boy, I got somethin'.
I got some advice for your ass.
You better lay off that
narcotic, n*gg*r,
that made you null and void.
That's right.
You'd better try to go to work
and get a job,
be somebody respectable.
f*ckin' around out here
on the streets like a fool.
You could help the community.
You better get it together."
[sing-song gibberish].
"What's happenin'!
Shi... m*therf*cker!
I used to work m*therf*cker!
I worked for five years
in a row when I was
in the joint.
Pressin' license plates.
Kiss my ass. truck.
Where the f*ck a n*gg*r gonna
get a job out here
in the street pressin'
license plates, man.
Ya, understand,
ya m*therf*cker?
[crying]
The m*therf*cker!
Kiss my motherfuckin' ass,
n*gg*r!
k*ll me, m*therf*cker!
I... I went down
to the unemployment bureau,
baby, you dig, that's right.
I went in there,
put on my white voice,
walked in the office,
talking 'bout,
'Good afternoon,
I'm applying for a job,
I'm wondering,
can you help me.'
Freaked the bitch out.
Ah-h-h.
All be talking 'bout,
'Oooh, what you been doin'
to your voice?'.
Everything, m*therf*cker.
Myyyy.
Bitch starting askin' me
who invented Palm Beach,
all that motherfuckin' shit.
I said 'Hey,
I gotta get through this shit
to get a job!?'
Motherfuckin' job.
Shit, I'd rather be
hi-i-i-i-g-h."
"We're all gonna
get high today, boy.
Can you get high offa
some of this, n*gg*r?
Try some-a that."
"What you tremblin'.
No, you can't have
none of this now.
You gonna tremble, n*gg*r,
now what's wrong with you?"
"I'm sick m*therf*cker.
I'm sick, man.
I ain't had no shit, man, in
m*therf*cker.
the n*gg*r told me I gotta have
some money to get some dope?
I did sixty days for that
n*gg*r.
Ya understand?
The m*therf*cker saw me
in the street, man.
I was sick in the street...
and needed just
a little bit a dope.
Ya, know, just sh**t me up.
I be cool 'cause he the n*gg*r
who turned me on, man,
told me it was cocaine, baby!.
Say 'it ain't gonna
f*ck with you',
'little cocaine'.
It be cool.
You dig.
And my line, man.
You know, that m*therf*cker
shot me up with some big boy.
And then I got...
My momma called me a dog.
My momma, mother dear,
called me a dog.
That's right,
the bitch called me a dog.
My daddy told me
he don't want to see me
inna vacinity.
Just 'cause l
stole his television.
Shit.
And, I'm sick, man,
I need some help.
I need somebody to walk with me
and talk with me
till two o'clock
tomorrow afternoon
when I can get some shit.
I'll be alright,
I can handle this white world,
then, baby.
Ha-ha.
I get a little shit in my veins,
I can take all the shit.
Ya know what I mean?
I can take it now.
'Cause my mind think
the shit out
I want to think about.
But if you hang out with me
and lie to me
you 'ol wise thinkin'
m*therf*cker.
you ain't do that for me."
"I'm gonna do it wit you, boy.
I'm gonna walk with ya.
'Cause I believe
you got potential.
You could be somebody with a
little opportunity like I had
back in 1905.
I went down to Mexico City
'cause that's the only place
a n*gg*r could go enjoy hisself
without prejudice.
I went down there,
spent my money.
I was in Mexico City,
right across from
the Garcia Hotel.
Poncho come out
an' recognize me, man.
Poncho, said, 'hey, baby!'
'Poncho, m*therf*cker.'
And we hugged and kissed
and shit, and now,
keep walkin', walk with me, man,
I'm gonna tell you 'bout it.
Me and Ponch,
we worked down here,
was just...
[applause]
Black people have
a lot to overcome
and it ain't just the mountain.
Martin Luther King, said, "l
have been to the mountaintop..."
I've been
to the mountaintop too,
and I looked over the top, and
what did I see?
more white folks...
with g*ns.
This ain't as funny as we
thought it was gonna be.
Motherfuck show biz.
Richard Pryor - Live and Smokin' (1971)
Moderator: Maskath3