At midnight Brent turns .
Typical.
That's when I'll set the fireworks off,
which will be in minutes.
So you mean
No, your clock is wrong.
Do you mean
No, minutes from now.
Well, and seconds from now it'll be exactly midnight
according to the U.S. Naval Observatory's Master Atomic Clock.
So everybody synchronize your watches...
[beeping]
Now. Now?
No, not now. Then. When?
Just then when it was now.
Did you get that?
I stopped listening two nows ago.
♪ You can tell me that your dog ran away ♪
♪ Then tell me that it took three days ♪
♪ I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say ♪
♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪
♪ Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong ♪
♪ And that's why you can stay so long ♪
♪ Where there's not a lot goin' on ♪♪
So does it feel weird being ?
I don't know. I'm not yet.
Yeah, but you're like, you know, and hours [beeping]
and minutes old. I mean isn't that weird?
Weird that you can't add? A little.
I can add.
There's seconds, uh, in a minute. Yeah?
And, uh, there's hours in a...
you're old is all I'm sayin'.
I thought we were goin' to The Ruby?
Nope. We're gonna go pick up that bottle of scotch
I've been savin' for my birthday.
Oh, right, scotch.
What scotch?
You know, the -year-old scotch for my th birthday?
Well, -year-old scotch that I bought years ago,
so mathematically very similar.
Right, of course, the, uh, special -year-old scotch.
Hey, when did you get the--
hey, watch out for that dog!
[tires screeching]
What dog?
[cell phone ringing]
Hello?
We have a situation.
There's a small shipment of consumer grade expl*sives
set to go off in a densely populated area.
Brent's fireworks across the street?
A major fire hazard. We need a field team on it right away.
Don't call the field hockey team, again.
But they signed permission slips.
And not the football team.
They got their own helmets. No.
Fine. If you won't back me, I'll find someone else who will.
[ringing] Hello.
We have a problem. We need to set up a perimeter.
Who is this?
Isn't this the coach of the baseball team?
No. You have the wrong number. This is Shirley Douglas's residence.
Oh, really?
Yes, I should know. She's my mother.
You still live with your mother? How old are ya?
I'm hanging up now. [beep]
[dial tone]
Kiefer, who was that?
[yelling] Dammit, Mom, I told you to knock before you come in!
You know everyone has to sign this card for Brent.
We're all a little busy here.
It's cute. There's a frog and a duck on the front
and ya open it and the frog says, "Hoppy birthday"
and the duck says, "Many quacky re--"
You know what? I said too much.
It sounds pretty racy.
I'll sign it later.
I've got fireworks to set off.
Come sign this card.
Not now. I've got to talk to Lacey.
Just sign it. It'll take five seconds.
Fine.
Um... hmm.
[mumbling]
[beeping]
Here, you go first.
Okay.
I'll have the meatloaf.
Hey, I'm in a bind. Give me all your -year-old scotch.
I don't have any. I've got some old cooking sherry I use to capture flies.
How old is it? It's got flies.
Look, I'm desperate.
Brent's expecting to open a -year-old scotch at midnight
and he might be disappointed.
Hey, look what I found up in Brent's room,
-year-old scotch! This stuff's primo!
Jungle Juuuice!
He's probably gonna blame me for that.
Does Brent know about this?
If Brent knew, he wouldn't be out lookin' for a fake dog, now, would he?
Are you on jungle juice now?
I wish.
[expl*si*n in distance] Hey, have the fireworks started?
No. But Wanda's on fire.
[coughing] Whoo!
Nice work, Sparky.
Just testing fuse length. I got a good idea what's too short now.
You don't know what you're doin'. Say hello to Dr. Boom.,
I used to be King of the Fireworks in the neighbourhood.
Now, hold still, son.
Oscar, what are you doing?
Gettin' Brent's kite.
It's hard to believe he's already .
It's hard to believe he made it to .
[beeping]
Wow.
That is a great looking cake.
Chocolate double chocolate with chocolate icing.
I've been serving it to Brent for years.
You fed Brent cake when he was one?
That's how we got Oh.
How did your slab cake turn out?
It's okay, I guess.
You know, the pumps don't look that great
and Brent isn't quite to scale with the car,
but I was in a rush.
Are you entering a contest or something?
Oh, pppfft, this is just a backup cake.
Did you notice Brent is holding a little comic?
What the hell are those?
Are you gonna k*ll a roadrunner?
I sold these when I owned Corner Gas.
Good old Chinese know-how.
This one's called a Flaming Monkey.
I think your monkey's dead.
Wait for it.
Wait for it. Nice work, Oppenheimer.
But I think I'll stick with mine.
They're just a bit damp.
But you can always count on the good old Sky Cricket.
It's a doozy.
Wait for it.
You're not waiting for anything.
Good timing, Davis.
You take care of Oscar while I prep for the real show.
You're not lighting anything either.
I'm shuttin' these fireworks down.
Wait for it.
[beeping]
How do you get your microwave to work?
You have to press Oh.
Hey, have you seen Hank?
Yeah, he was just in here looking for scotch.
I should tell you, he drank yours.
No, he only thinks he did.
But I outsmarted Hank,
which isn't that hard, I admit.
But the point is, I know Hank too well and I always have.
So I bought two bottles of scotch.
[glass shattering]
So I bought three bottles of scotch and I pretended
to hide one in a place where I knew Hank would find it.
Then I hid the real one in a safe place.
Why didn't you just fill an old bottle with ice tea
and save yourself the money?
Where were you years ago?
Anyway, now I get to watch Hank squirm all night
while I wait to drink that succulent scotch.
I can't imagine a better birthday present to myself.
Really? Not a car or a rare edition of some comic book or--
Oh, you mean like Issue of The Incredible Hulk?
First appearance of Wolverine as w*apon X?
Yes, that is exactly the one I was thinking of.
No permit, no fireworks.
Now, if you can gently carry them and very carefully
place them in the trunk of the police car
while I stand way over here, that'd be great.
Are you scared of fireworks? [Oscar scoffs]
No. More like you are.
♪ Davis is a-scared. Davis is a-scared. ♪
I am not a-scared.
Uh-oh, don't bring them too close.
You might a-scare the a-scardy cat!
Never mind him.
Fireworks are perfectly safe in the right hands.
[expl*si*n]
That just proves my point.
Wow, those are kinda cool.
Set one off by your other ear.
[yells] What?
Are the fireworks starting?
No. That was a test. Midnight, people.
Does nobody follow the U.S. Observatory Naval Atomic Clock?
[yelling] A doctor, I think. He stole a pair of my socks.
You guys looking at the cake?
I just had some old pieces of gingerbread kickin' around,
so I slapped it together.
KAREN: Now that I've got you both here,
why don't you sign the card?
I thought we agreed that I was going to bake the main cake
and you were gonna bake a side cake.
I did bake a side cake.
Anywhere on the card would be great.
How am I supposed to present this to Brent
when your cake is screaming "Look at me"?
Actually, my cake screams "Happy Birthday."
MALE VOICE: Happy Birthday!
Where'd you get that?
Oh, don't worry about the candle.
It's not important that it talks.
I am talking too.
What's important is that your cake was made with love.
Don't give me that love crap.
Where'd you get a talking candle?
Talking cop, over here.
You totally knee-capped me.
Oh, come on, look. The gas bell doesn't even work.
[gas bell dings] Oh.
You're making it very hard for me to like you right now.
[beeping]
Hey, I need a bottle of -year-old scotch.
I have three bottles of one-year-old scotch.
Do you have one bottle of...
-year-old scotch?
No. But I got bottles of -year-old scotch.
Is that cheaper? I was just kidding.
I thought we were adding stuff up to .
Just give me a bottle of whatever ya got.
What's goin' on? I've been lookin' all over for ya.
[clears throat] Yeah, I'm just, uh, you know,
catchin' a quick drink before the big party.
But you don't have a drink.
Hey, um, let me ask ya somethin'.
Uh, how much, uh, would you need to drink in order to pass out
and forget about everything you were about to do?
Here's the scotch.
Thanks. But we have -year-old scotch back at my place.
Yeah. Why would you think we need scotch?
Because you asked me to get it?
You know what? I don't like your attitude, Phil.
Come on, Brent, let's go get some cake.
Nope. We're gonna go to my place and get some scotch.
This is exciting. Are you excited about the scotch? Yeah.
Take that, God of Darkness!
It's like a nighttime rainbow. Oooo, a nighttime rainbow.
Actually, the chemistry is quite complicated.
The blue happened because of copper salts,
yellow, your sodium salts.
And the many hues of red are derived from strontium.
A nighttime rainbow.
Sure. We'll stick with that.
Davis, your phone is ringing.
Would you clam up! I almost got him on board.
One cream, two sugars.
Is it midnight already?
Oh, you gotta try this. It's called a Screamin' Tree Frog.
Speaking of frogs, check out this card.
Happy's spelled wrong.
It's a joke.
Oh, I get it.
The frog can't spell.
Just sign it.
Can't it wait? Fireworks, midnight.
No, it can't. Birthday card, midnight.
Fine.
I could use some light.
Comin' up.
Tree Frog away! [expl*si*n]
Will you quit that. You're burning all of them.
Ooo, see that, strontium.
Ah, fine. Here, Oscar, sign this.
No thanks. I went at the house.
[beeping]
Wow. Good job.
See? You're not the only one who can decorate.
Of course. That looks exactly like...
whatever it is you're trying to draw.
It's Brent.
Oh.
Hey, guys. Just need some matches.
Wow.
Who made this?
Guilty. It's mine. Do you like it?
Not my cuppa tea, really. A little over the top.
That's what I thought.
This one I like. Nice, simple cake with a picture of a tree on it.
It's Brent.
Oh. Well, at least there's fireworks. See ya.
[beeping]
Uh, you know, I've been thinkin'.
Um, scotch is more of an old man's drink.
You should stay away from that image
with your th comin' up.
Maybe you should drink milk.
Nope. I've been waitin' years for that crisp oaky taste
of a perfectly aged single malt.
Hey, wait.
There's somethin' I need to tell ya.
What is it, Friend for Life?
I drank your scotch at a house party years ago.
You did what?
I-I know, I screwed up. I'm sorry.
Yeah? Well, before you go gettin' all teary eyed on me,
have a look at this.
Okay, now, it's around here somewhere.
What's around here somewhere?
Okay, where's my scotch? It's almost midnight!
Okay, that one's broken.
That one has no hands. I've been meanin' to fix that.
Okay, that's a lamp. But it works.
See, it's almost midnight.
Mom, have-have you seen a bottle of scotch in the basement?
Oh, that. I threw it out. It was over years old.
It's supposed to be old!
It was bad. I tried it. It tasted like old wood.
It's supposed to taste like old wood.
Oscar, check this out.
I'm gonna light a firework with another firework.
Will you quit that. You're gonna blow us all up.
♪ Wanda is a-scared. Wanda is a-scared. ♪
♪ Walter has a beard. Walter has a beard. ♪
D'oh! Listen up, Pyro and Deaf Nuts.
People are expecting me to set off fireworks
tonight at midnight and that's just what I'm gonna--
Will you knock it off!
Are the fireworks startin'?
Well, it's not midnight yet.
Wanda's usually pretty serious about this stuff.
People are going to think that I'm not serious about this stuff.
Where are the rest of the fireworks?
I lit them, remember?
Flaming Monkeys, Screamin' Tree Frog, Space Kitten.
You lit them all!
Dammit!
Oscar, we need your fireworks!
I can hear ya. Ya don't have to yell.
Go dry out your fireworks!
I said I can hear ya.
Yelling at you makes me feel better!
Lordy, lordy, look who's .
Happy B-day, Congrats. Anything.
Something smells weird.
What are you doing?
I'm bakin' fireworks.
Do you want to sauté some gasoline while you're at it?
[timer dings] Oh, they're done now anyway.
Yeah.
Look, I'm sorry about gettin' ya outta bed, Wes,
but this is an emergency.
I thought ya d*ed or moved to Winnipeg.
No. I've always been here.
You guys just didn't seem too interested in calling me.
A -year-old bottle of scotch, Wes, or I stop calling again.
Here. I had this on special order for Doc Russell.
But under the circumstances-- We'll take it.
That'll be $.
We won't take it.
Ring it up. I got it.
How are you gonna pay for it?
Take my truck.
Okay.
And where's the other $ gonna come from?
Keep your truck. I'll get it.
Whew. Geez, you took long enough to step in there.
Hey, that's a good idea, a real cake and a joke cake.
You hear that? He thinks yours is a joke cake.
Oh, no, Emma. I think he was referring to yours.
Oh, yeah? We'll let Brent decide which one's a joke.
I guess we will.
Because this is for Brent, after all.
Yeah, for Brent.
[beeping] All right, it's seconds to midnight.
Let's start a countdown.
, , --
You have to start at .
, --
Now we're past . Now we have to start at--holy crap!
, , --
ALL: , , , ...
Blast off!
[beeping continues throughout]
Wait for it.
Where are the fireworks?
Looks like Lacey's cake isn't the only disappointing thing about tonight.
Maybe you shoulda broiled them.,
Don't you have any newer ones?
I used to have!
Hey, Davis, can I borrow your g*n for a sec?
There she blows, courtesy of Dr. Boom!
[fireworks exploding]
Well, I think this deserves a toast.
To Brent, good guy, good friend.
Yeah. You know, if it weren't for you, Brent,
uh, I probably wouldn't be here right now.
I didn't know Brent saved your life.
No, I just mean I-I'd be at home sleepin'.
Congratulations, buddy. Turning ain't so bad.
I turned recently.
That was like five years ago. I thought it was six.
Ooo, look, fireworks.
Here's to you, son. And I don't say this enough.
But you're a good kid.
In fact, I'm seein' more of myself in you everyday.
Had to add that last part.
And you're a pretty good boss too.
Well, maybe not a good boss.
But you're always there to...
well, you're often there.
And you like cartoons.
That's all I got.
If I'd known everybody was gonna be making speeches,
I would have said more than the good guy, good friend thing.
I want to say thanks for all your guidance
and advice over the years.
Wait, who are we toasting, again?
Brent.
Oh. Good guy, good friend.
Brent,
as you're blowing out the candles on your birthday cakes,
remember, try mine first.
Unbelievable.
To Brent.
ALL: To Brent.
[coughing and gagging]
Oh, man, that's kinda nasty. It tastes like old wood.
I told ya.
I'll get some root beer for mix.
Yeah, I'm-I'm gonna get the bucket.
I'll stick with this nasty tasting scotch.
Jungle Juuuuuice!
[Tragically Hip playing Fireworks ]
♪ Fireworks exploding in the distance ♪
♪ Temporary towers soar... ♪
Wow, that's a funny card, sort of.
Thanks, Karen.
Hey, but where are you guys's cards?
I think Karen speaks for all of us.
No, I don't. Just me.
O-kay. Well, let's get at the cakes.
Okay, Brent. Here's my cake.
Hey, cool. Look, it's you on there.
And this is from me.
Ooo-ooo-hoo-hoo-hoo. That's nice too.
It's got the-the-the... hobo in a tornado.
Try them.
Okay, that's just gross.
No. That's delicious.
At least half of it is.
♪ I don't know the same things you don't know ♪
♪ I don't know I just don't know ♪
♪ It's a great big place ♪
♪ full of nothin' but space ♪
♪ and it's my happy place ♪
♪ I don't know Yes you do ♪
♪ You just won't admit it ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ I just don't know ♪♪