04x09 - The Mayor's Committee from Deer Lick Falls

[bunniefuu]

That's $5,000.

Well, are you our man?

Do you guys really think
I'd cater a k*lling?

Think about what may happen
if you go through with it.

Rockford already reported us
to the police.

Somebody ought to
throw a net over
the bunch of you.

We got friends
in high places,

and they know how to handle
a bedroom birddog like you.

We don't have any brakes.
Hang on.

ROCKFORD
ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
This is Jim Rockford.

At the tone, leave your name
and message.

I'll get back to you.

WOMAN: So you've put
your machine on
at night, huh?

Just 'cause
I call you at 3:00 a.m.?

You know how bad
my insomnia is.

Thanks a lot, Jim.

Well, nothing wrong
with this beauty.

Yeah.

Great ride. And, you could
pour tea back there.

At $10,000 each,
I don't see how
we can get hurt.

Not when the new ones
go for $90,000.

Well, the water t*nk capacity
is 1,000 gallons,

two-stage pump,
at 100 PSI,



More than 20 years old.

Well, that's not gonna
bother us if the engines
were overhauled right.

Yeah. The work was done
by factory mechanics.

The Mayor's Committee
has agreed.

Well, you did a real job
on the homework.

You know, when we wired in
our offer two days ago
from Deer Lick Falls,

we never dreamed
we'd be high bid.

Thought we were
buying a pig in a poke.

Yeah? You know,
Art here's got strong
feelings about California.

How do you
trust anyone in a state
where half the people

hide their eyes
behind sunglasses?

Now, Jim, if you'll just
give me your bill,

I'll write you a check.

And we'll get on with
the main order of business,

which is painting
this town. Right?

Oh, how about
these massage parlors.

You know a hot one, Jim?

Oh, yeah.
The YWCA has
a great masseuse.

There you are.

Hey, reasonable.

Very reasonable.

Oh, by the way, Jim,
I wanted to ask you,

is it very hard to find
somebody once you've
lost their address?

Well, that depends.

Helps if you know
what they do for a living.

It's my niece.
Would-be actress.

Last we heard
she was on unemployment.

I got a profit-sharing check
I wanna mail to her.

She used to work for me
as a bookkeeper.

Well, struggling actresses,
they change their addresses

about as fast as
they change their names.

It may take awhile.

Only got a few days.

Wanna get back home.

We'd kind of like to
check out the sights,

if you know what I mean.

You see,

I'm about the only family
she has now that my sister
is dead,

and I'd just hate to go
back to Deer Lick Falls

without knowing
whether she's all right.

Well, what's her name?

Lauren Ingeborg.

That's I-N-G-E-B-O-R-G.

Well, I'll check it out.

I'll be in touch with you.

Good man.

You take care now, huh?
ROCKFORD: Yeah.

Mr. Rockford,
I'm not sure we have
an attractive bookkeeper

with theatrical experience.

Well, she doesn't have to
have that much experience.

What we need is
a honey-tongued XL who can
modulate the Ten-Code

and some ratchet jaw.

XL? Ratchet jaw?

Unmarried. CB lingo.

She'll have to learn
the difference between
a pregnant roller skate

and a County mounty
in a plain white wrapper.

For what purpose?

Well, I'm exhibiting
some new transceivers
at a convention.

We do skits.
She'll demonstrate.

Oh, and keep the books, too.
I see.

All right.

I'll put this
through processing and notify
you in about two weeks.

Miss Orneck...

Miss Orneck, the convention
is next week.

Now I'm sure if you put
the pedal to the metal

of that computer of yours
over there it'll spit out
a few names,

and I don't wanna go to
an unemployment agency

when I can save the state
the trouble of writing
another check.

I'll have some names
and addresses for you
in a few minutes.

Look at this!

My feet are the same size
as Bob Hope's.

Come on, Knute.
We wanna get some lunch.

Hey! We could go
to the Brown Derby.

I'm tired of
all this business.
I want to see Hollywood!

We can't talk
at the Brown Derby.

Nothing to talk about.

Art, come on.
I wanna talk to you.

All right, Art.
Just what is it
you object to?

The whole thing.

When we first found out
last week,

it was easy
in the heat of the moment
to talk about doing this.

Because it was just talk.

But now we're actually here.

And I've changed my mind,
which is my right.

But like Ev says,
Rockford is qualified.

Yes. And the money will
certainly interest him.

He's desperate enough for it,
investigating fire trucks.

He lives in a trailer.

This is insanity.
This is wrong.

Art, you are out-voted.

Now either you will make this
as smooth as possible for us,

or I, for one,
am not likely to forget it.

Me neither.

Listen to me.

Hey! Look at
that Rolls-Royce.

Hey.

Do you know who
was in that Rolls? Huh?

Ginger Rogers!
I'm sure of it.

Oh, excuse me.

All right.
Roll it right on in,
my friend, and stand back.

We got thirsty people here
in dire need.

Hey, Jim!
Buddy, come on in.

I'll pour you some bourbon
and ditch water.

Hi, guys.

WOMAN: Hey, come on over
and join the party.

Help yourself, now, folks.
Help yourself, you hear?

You guys get over
your fire truck ride?

Hey, Jim, Jim,
how about those
ladies, huh?

That one there actually works
in a massage parlor.

Guess where
we met her, huh?

The Brown Derby?

What'd I tell you?
He has the eyes of a hawk.

Yeah.
Find yourself
a seat, buddy.

I can only stay a minute.
I'm off to see some shows.

Neighborhood playhouses.

Your niece is in one.

I found this
at her last known address.

Her current stage name
is Inga Lauren.

Hardly know her with all
that makeup and hairdo.

But, yeah,
that's Lauren, all right.

Yeah. Well,
I wanted to make sure.

There's about 15 theaters
in this town.

With my luck,
she'll be in the 15th.

Hey, Jim, I'd like to talk
to you for a second, huh?

Sure.

Over here.

That's $5,000
in your hand.

Yeah.
That's what I thought.

My hand size is
a perfect $5,000.

I thought you said something
about a profit-sharing check
for your niece.

Oh, that's not for Lauren.
That's for you.

It's what they call
"front money," I think.

You get $15,000 afterwards.

After what?

After Lauren's accident.

And, it has to look
like an accident.

Are you...

Are you hiring me
to waste Lauren Ingeborg?

Your niece?

Not necessarily you.

Anybody. Any way
you plan to arrange it.

You're kidding.
Aren't you?

Look, if you know
what she had put us through,
and our families,

you wouldn't think twice.

I already have.

Well, are you our man?

Don't tell me $20,000
isn't enough.

Do you guys really think
I'd cater a k*lling?

Well, we thought you might
have some contacts,
know somebody.

Who'd slaughter a girl
for you?

Hey, you're so far off base,

somebody ought to
throw a net over
the bunch of you.

Now listen, Rockford...

No, you listen!

Not only am I not your man,

but I'm going down to
the Police Department
and pull your plug.

To the police?
With your prison record?

That's right,
we know all about you.

Now you may think that
Deer Lick is right next door
to East Tree Stump,

but we're only 15 miles
from the capital.

And we are not field hands.

Yeah.

We got friends
in high places,

and they know how to handle
a bedroom birddog like you.

Yeah. Well, you can handle me
any way you want, pal,

but you can believe me,

I'll handle you from my end.

No deal, pal.

Happy now?

That's it.
We better wait
till morning.

Tomorrow morning
will be too late.

Sergeant Becker,
Police Department.

I know it's late
and I'm sorry to bother you,

but Mr. Rockford here
has made a complaint.

Yeah. Right.
I'm Ev Benson.

Come on in. We can
straighten this matter up
right here and now.

Guess who had the gall
to call the police, huh?

It's a rather
serious complaint.

We were coming to you
in the morning, Sergeant,
with a complaint of our own.

Well, let's deal
with Mr. Rockford's
complaint first.

I understood that
there were four of you.

Mr. Deitweiler
isn't feeling well.
He has a heart condition.

Aggravated by him.

He shouldn't have taken
the turndown so personally.

Mr. Rockford claims
that you offered him
$20,000 in cash

to k*ll your niece.

My niece?
I asked him
to k*ll my niece?

Do you believe this?

Listen, if the police
department can't do
anything about that man,

the State of Michigan will.
I promise you.

That's right.

He tried to stick us
with a $5,000 bill
for two days' work.

Investigating fire trucks,
mind you,

and then
threatened to blackmail us
when we refused to pay.

Come on, get off it,
will you, pal?

You'll get your chance, Jim.

Did you put
$5,000 in his hands,
Mr. Benson?

Yes. Yes, we did.
I am ashamed to say.

He had us scared.

He said he could come up
with some photos of us
in a massage parlor.

We started to pay him
and then decided
we'd regret it, huh?

Anything you'd like to add?

Some canned laughter.

If a man of that caliber
is allowed to bring such
outrageous accusations

against us through
your police department,

then I believe we will
use other channels.

That's right.

You're scaring me
to death.

Well, good night,
gentlemen.

Dennis.

Let's go, Jim.

Good night, gentlemen?

If Lieutenant Chapman
finds out

I've been rousting tourists
from Michigan,

I hope they remember
to tell him I was polite.

Like you said, at least
they're on notice now that
the police are on notice.

Could change
their homicide plans.

Weird. They look
kind of straight.

Must be something else
you can do, Dennis.

I told you. I'm gonna
run 'em through R and I.

You'd better start worrying
what they're gonna do.

I don't think they're
very happy with you, Jimbo.

What can they do?

We can revoke
your investigator's license.

Official complaint
of attempted blackmail
andlor extortion

from the Attorney General's
office in Michigan.

Your file.

I've never had the occasion
to examine one
this size before,

and I've been with
the Bureau of Consumer Affairs
for 19 years.

You seem to have some sort
of magnetic field that
attracts controversy.

Your license, please.

My license?
You want it now?

Now.

They've just brought charges.

You're suspended,
Mr. Rockford.

I'm forwarding this complaint
to the AG.

There will be an
administrative hearing
within three days,

at which time
a final determination
will be made.

Mr. Rankin,

are you interested
in hearing my account
of the events?

No.

If I had been
bureau chief

when you first applied
for your license,

with your prison record,
there wouldn't be
a license to revoke.

That's all until the hearing.

w*apon of suspect.
Cristophilos case.

Dennis, I'm looking
into the muzzle of
a double-barreled bureaucrat.

I don't see
how they could prosecute

on the basis
of a few accusations.

They can't, but it's enough
to burn my license.

Rankin wants to see me
working in the car wash.

I'll be at the hearing.
You won't be there alone.

That's nice to know,
Dennis.

But I would like to have
Lauren Ingeborg there, too,

to explain why
these four chuckleheads are
trying to put her under.

Aren't you just
a bit curious of what
they're up to right now?

I know what they're up to.

They're out making depositions
at the administrative
procedures office.

Their stats came in
from Washington.

"Everett Alton Benson.
Distinguished Flying Cross,
World w*r II.

"City councilman,
candidate for mayor,


"well-heeled manufacturer
of aluminum screen doors
and windows.

"Noah J. Deitweiler,
president of Farm Co-op,
Director FFA,

"church elder.

"Arthur E. Kelso, CPA,
Chamber of Commerce,
Chairman of Endowment Fund,

"University of Michigan..."

Knute Jacobs owns
a poultry farm.

They all have a black belt
in respectability.

Did you tell Lieutenant
Chapman these four
civic saints

are offering $20,000?

That's twice the going rate
for hired K*llers.

Yeah. He said he can't
justify putting four
businessmen tourists

under surveillance.

With these stats
it's like staking out
the Vatican.

Yeah. Lieutenant Chapman
doesn't stay up late
admiring me.

After this is all over,
he's gonna put Rankin
on his Christmas card list.

You know, Rankin's just
about to drop the pellet
on my license.

What're you gonna do?

Try to find Lauren Ingeborg
before they k*ll her.

DEITWEILER:
Did you find out anything?

BENSON:
Yeah, I found out plenty.

I met this guy who's
gonna fix everything up
for us.

Well, who was that fellow
that you were talking to?

He's a professional gambler
I met in Las Vegas.

He knows a man there
who's experienced.

I love the way you guys
are talking about this.

Like you're ordering
room service.

We are all getting
a little tired of your
negative attitude, Art.

Think about what may happen
if you go through with it.

Rockford already reported us
to the police.

Rockford is through
with the game.

He's hit the showers.

Now, I'm gonna put an ad
in the show business paper.

You know, the one
that the actors read.

What kind of ad?

Oh, something simple, like,

"Lauren Ingeborg.
I have your profit-sharing
check,

"signed Uncle Ev,"
with a phone number.

I hope she doesn't see it.

Hey.

Hey, downstairs,
in the corner is Ray Milland.

And he's having lunch
with Jane Fonda.

Excuse me.
Do you know Lauren Ingeborg?

Oh, sure do.
She's right over there.

Oh, thank you.

Miss Ingeborg?

Yes?

My name's Jim Rockford.

I'm late for a rehearsal.
Could this wait, please?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I guess it could wait,

but I think we ought to
talk about it right now.

Do you have an uncle
named Everett Benson?

Yes, I do. Why?

He's in town.
He's trying to locate you.

I'm a private investigator.

He hired you
to try to find me?

Well, he and Mr. Kelso
and two other men.

Noah Deitweiler
and Knute Jacobs.

Miss Ingeborg,
can you think of any reason

why they might
wanna harm you?

I don't really know
how to tell you this,

but they tried to hire me
to k*ll you.

What?

Yeah, $5,000 down,

$15,000 after
I've arranged some
sort of fatal accident.

Those men have no reason
to wanna have me k*lled.

Well, I'd like to think
that's true,
but somehow I don't.

I mean,
to look at them,

they just don't seem to be
the kind of men who casually
go around hiring assassins.

They're not. Now lookit,
I appreciate your concern

and I'm grateful
for all the trouble you
went to try to find me,

but I can handle it
from here. Okay?

You think it's wise
after what I just told you?

Lauren? You're holding
everybody up!

Just a second, David.
I'm coming.

Look, Mr. Rockford,
if my uncle has
a beef with me,

then it's a family affair.

Now I can deal with that
simply by discussing
the problem with him.

You see, my Uncle Ev
has a very short fuse,

and he usually gets excited
about nothing at all.

Actually, I'm used to
his eccentric behavior.

Oh, hey, could you tell me
where my uncle is staying?

Under the circumstances,
that's the last thing I'd do.

Well, that's
your prerogative.

Excuse me,
I'm late for rehearsal.

Hello?

Uncle Ev?

Oh, Lauren!

Hey, how'd you know
where to find me?

Oh, you saw the ad, huh?

It's kind of hard to miss.

I also saw your friend,
a Mr. Rockford.

Friend? Biggest mistake
I ever made was
hiring that man.

You see, Knute and I and Noah
and Art were appointed to
Mayor Berger's committee

to buy some fire engines
out here,

and Rockford worked for us
for awhile.

Well, he said some
pretty strange things,
Uncle Ev.

Like what?

Well, he said

that you wanted to k*ll me.

Is that what
that crumb said?

I hired him to find you.

You know, Aunt Ella's
been worried sick about
not hearing from you.

Look, honey, you know me
and this big mouth of mine.

Well, I had some drinks
with the fellow

and just to sort of
fill him in on you,
you know,

and, well, the more I talked,
the madder I got,

thinking about what you
had put Ella through.

Well, the next thing I know,
Rockford says that
for $20,000

Ella won't have any more
aggravation from you.

He'll k*ll you.

Well, I threw him the hell
out of here

and called the Attorney
General's office back home.

Now he didn't
mention that, I'll bet.

No, he didn't.

Honey, you don't know
how great it is just
hearing your voice again.

We've missed you,
and drop Ella a line.

I will.

Oh, and honey,
what do you want me to do

with your profit-sharing
check?

You want me
to mail it to you, or...

Well, I don't suppose
you'd be free for dinner.

Tonight?

Well, the boys are talking
about maybe taking
a plane back home tomorrow

and I hate to leave
without seeing you.

Okay, how about if
I pick you up in front
of your hotel about 7:00.

Oh, fine. Fine, honey.
I'll be waiting.

All right.
Bye, bye-bye, Uncle Ev.

This may be
our only opportunity.

You don't mean us?

What're you two
talking about?

The Rockford plan
came up mud.

We're gonna have to do it.

Have you any idea
what it's like to actually
k*ll a human being?

You know how many missions
I flew over Germany?

I'm not talking
about dropping a b*mb
from 11,000 feet.

I'm talking about k*lling
face to face.

First time I had to do it I...

I threw up in my helmet
for a week.

And it didn't get
much better.

They fight!
They cling to life!

It's bloody, messy,
ugly work!

I'm not sure
I'm up to actually...

You think I am?

She's my niece.

And, Art, you wanna talk
about throwing up?

Then talk about
the federal penitentiary.

Filthy, crawling with lice
and psychopaths, perverts.

There is no statute
of limitations on tax fraud.

She'll have us
under this cloud
for the rest of our lives.

Art...

Okay,

we're gonna do it ourselves,
and we're gonna do it tonight.

LAUREN:
It was a nice evening,
Uncle Ev.

Thanks for dinner.

You know, we could get
a $10 ticket for this.

We're not
in Deer Lick Falls.

Hey, you know,
I've got an idea.
Why don't we go to the...

Are you all right?

He wants me dead!

How long does it take
to read a police report,
anyway?

Quite awhile,
if you're Lieutenant Chapman.

Oh, yeah.

Sometimes he'll read
a report twice
if it's complicated.

Actually, tonight
his attention span's
pretty good.

How much of my story is
on that tax dodge report?

Well, I only mentioned
that you contacted the
Internal Revenue in Michigan

a couple of months ago with
the intention of reporting
some undeclared income

and that your uncle
found out last week.

Judy Turner probably
screamed every nasty thing
she could think of

when she got fired,
including my call
to the IRS.

How much income do you
estimate they wrote off
on that phony research farm?

Three-quarters of
a million dollars
that I know of.

Which means
that your reward would
come to about $75,000,

and that their jail term
would be about 15 years.

I'm not after any reward.
I just wanna get on
with my life.

Oh, thanks for
following me all night.

Especially after I was
so snotty at the theater.

Well, Uncle Ev at least
picked up the tab for dinner.

Dennis...

Very thorough report
you have here.

Thank you,
Lieutenant.

There's quite a bit more,
but I figured when
we fill out the full...

No, no, no, no, no, no.
You have it all here.

Four reputable businessmen
come to LA to buy
some fire trucks

and hire a Pl
to knock off a niece,

who after being warned
has dinner with her uncle,

who in turn gives her
an $1,800 check.

I knew it. A root canal.

After which, Uncle Ev,
a 32nd-degree Mason
from Deer Lick Falls,

steers said niece in front
of a speeding vehicle driven

by a deadly Scoutmaster
who owns a wheat farm.

He did!

All of this takes place
on a boulevard known
for fast and heavy traffic.

That ought to get
an 80 on your laugh meter,
Lieutenant,

but it should tell you
that these mild-mannered
respectable businessmen

are scared enough
to try anything.

I'm sorry, Miss Ingeborg,

but unless I have
more substantiation

and other witnesses,
I don't have the authority
to act.

I could arrange
for a squad car

to swing past your house
a couple of times a day.

I knew you would understand,
Lieutenant.

We better be moving,
Lauren.

Dennis, I'd like to talk
to you for a minute.

Your eggs is ready, sonny.

LAUREN:
Boy, this is really great.

Back in Michigan
we hardly ever have
Mexican dinner for breakfast.

Hey, you better go
easy on dad's salsa.

We use it
to k*ll weeds, too.

Well, now that's
very subtle, Rocky.

Well, you gotta look
past tomorrow, don't you?

He's circled some
job opportunities.

Look, you may not be
a private investigator
anymore.

Then what're you gonna do
for groceries, huh?

Look here.

There's a plant that needs
a security supervisor.

A sewage disposal plant?

Well, don't knock it.
Look at the money.

Three and a half a week!

And that ain't the only job.

There's another one here.

There's an insurance company
that needs an investigator.

Dad, I don't need a job
just yet.

That hearing is tomorrow.
You're liable to be
out on the street.

Well, not if I can help it.

Besides, there's one thing
you keep forgetting, Dad.

I like what I'm doing.

Hey, come on,
you better move it along.

Those offices open at 9:00.

What offices?

Well, once we get
your statement on record

the Mayor's Committee's
gonna have to back off.

The Internal Revenue?

Well, I don't wanna
rush you,

but with government offices
you have to get in by 9:00
just to get out by 5:00.

Look, Noah, let me
get you a doctor.

Oh, no.
There's no telling

what kind of quack we'll get
here in California.

I'm feeling better.

And as soon as
I'm strong enough,

I'm gonna get on a plane
back to Deer Lick Falls.

You guys really are
a comedy delight.

Now look, Art,
there is no need
to start jumping on us.

Why not?

You seem to be
the one pile-driving
this junket.

Look,
I think we ought
to clear out.

Sergeant Becker's liable
to knock on the door anytime

with some pretty
harsh questions.

Blow into town
like a trainload of
US country prime beef.

Ev is intent on m*rder.

Noah is gobbling heart pills,

and Knute is trying to get
Ginger Rogers' autograph.

And all of you idiots
are sort of trying
to knock off Lauren

in-between rub-downs
at the Roman Palace.

We are doing
the best we can.

From the beginning,
I tried to ice this thing.

But you had to do it.

Made an attempt on
her life last night...

Now that changes everything.

We just can't pack up
our extra suit and get
on the next jet.

So, now you wanna
k*ll her?

I don't want to.
I never wanted to.

But now we have to.

Her only protection now
is to go to the IRS.

If she can prove
our tax liability,

then she sets up a motive

and we all go
into a trick bag.

I don't know.
I'm getting confused.

It all seemed
so easy before,
but after last night,

I don't know. I didn't think
it would feel that way.

I didn't think I'd fail.

So, I think that...

I think that Noah is right.

I think we ought to
get out of town.

Maybe if I wrote her
a letter.

That's right.
Put it on paper.

Something the DA
can enter as evidence.

It's funny
what we've learned
about attempted m*rder.

Failure seems to
up the ante.

We're in.

I don't wanna hear
any more about it.

Look, Lauren's probably
already talked to the police,

don't you think, Ev?

So far,
they got nothing.

You took the car back
to the garage before
it was missed,

you used borrowed plates,
which is the only smart thing
you've done so far.

So we gamble that the cops
are standing on a dime.

We've got to arrange her
accident before the IRS
can process her statement,

and that usually
takes some time.

I'm gonna do it.

When I left France,
I promised myself

that I'd never take
another human life.

And now over
a lousy bunch of tax credits.

I really wanna get back
to Deer Lick Falls, Art.

I'm worried about my heart.

Okay, Noah.

But everybody else stays.

Yeah. And we're all
in this together.

And the first guy
who fouls up

is gonna get shoved
under the wheels
of our new fire truck.

I'm not about to see
this out in prison.

I'm gonna make
you guys stand up.

We're going to k*ll her

and we're going to do it
in the next 24 hours

or less.

LAUREN: A secretary
in my uncle's office

told me that there
was a 10% reward

for any information
on unreported income.

I had gotten in an argument
with my uncle

and I was feeling spiteful,
so I called the IRS.

But you didn't follow through
on that initial call
to our Michigan office?

Well, I thought the only thing
that the Internal Revenue
would do

was make my uncle
pay his back taxes.

When I learned that
he could go to prison
for 10 or 15 years,

I dropped the whole thing
and then came out here.

Uh-huh.

Just what is your interest
in this complaint?

Well, I'm
a private investigator.

The four men
Miss Ingeborg mentioned
hired me to find her.

May I see your license?

Well, I'm afraid I don't
have it right now.

The same four men
are trying to get
my license revoked.

I see. So this is
in the nature of
a counter-complaint.

No.

No, Miss Ingeborg merely
wants you to take
her full statement.

We will.

Shouldn't be
more than a few weeks
till we verify it.

Mr. Romney,
we have explained they tried
to k*ll her last night.

She needs protection.

With her full statement
on the record,
she'll have that protection.

I understand that.

Now you must understand
that last year


were paid over $20 million
in recovered revenue
by the IRS.

Secretaries, bookkeepers,
ex-wives,

usually someone with
some sort of grudge to settle.

How much of that was paid
to the next of kin?

We try to apprise everyone
of the risk involved

before they accuse someone
of tax evasion.

Threats usually follow
and attempts are made.

You've been a great comfort,
Mr. Romney.

All you're gonna need
is your overnight case
and a few essentials.

Right, right.
I wanna get out of here,
believe me.

First break I get,
and my understudy
gets to go on.

I gotta to hide out.

Oh, there'll be other plays.

It took me four months
to get this one.

Are you ready?
And nervous.

Yeah. Me, too.

If you like Japanese food,

there's
a little place down here
that serves great sashimi.

Sounds good.

You know, if I were you,
I wouldn't take
this hill so fast.

It's because we don't
have any brakes.

No brakes?

No brakes.

Okay, hang on.

Oh!

Well, what do you say
let's forget the sashimi

and call it a day, huh?

How much detail do
I have to go into, anyway?

All of it.

Make sure
all four of them
are implicated.

The chemicals arranged
by Kelso,

the phony fertilizer
provided by Jacobs,

how they inflated
the cost of things
they actually did buy.

What'd you find, Dad?

Well, it's more like
what I didn't find.

You know, you didn't have
a drop of brake fluid
in that car.

The hoses were just
dangling loose.

Cut?

Well, it was like the clamps
have been unscrewed

and left to work loose
once you started moving.

LAUREN:
So, we can't even prove
that it was deliberate?

No, no, no.
That's our proof.

Once you get all
that down on paper,
you're safe.

Oh, I know a lot of folks
think it's okay to cheat
on your income tax,

but what kind of an uncle
would wanna see his niece

k*lled in a wreck
like you almost had?

That's a different kind
of a critter than
a tax dodger.

Well, for all they know,
they did k*ll her.

You stick with that.

I'll be back in awhile.

I wish you'd slow
down a little.

Dad, tomorrow my license
goes in the shredder.

But even worse,

she goes at the top of
the endangered species list.

ANGEL: Why me?

Because you like to
collect pictures of
dead presidents.

Like Ulysses S. Grant.

Fifty?
Uh-huh.

There's only one
in there.

Uh, listen, Jimmy, I...

I got a poker game
with the guys
in the linotype room.

Set it up.

It's like sh**ting
ducks in a barrel.

Oh, come on, Angel.

Those are the kinds of guys
that throw nickels around
like manhole covers.

It's gonna take you
half the night just to get


Angel, this is $50
for 15 minutes work.

That would be a more
efficient use of my time,
wouldn't it?

Now you're gonna have
to wear a suit and a tie.

Oh, come on, man.
Ties hurt.

Okay, $5 more,
and that's it!

Well, there's
nothing in this paper.

If you didn't see them crash,
how do you know they did?

I saw an ambulance
about five minutes later.

You could have
followed them!

Why don't you listen
when you're spoken to?

I told you, I tried.

I got onto a street
that put me on a freeway
to Santa Monica.

It was an hour
before I got back.

Hello, is this the theater

where Inga Lauren
is appearing in...

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.

What?

She's in the hospital.

Not expected to live.

Well, I guess
that's that, huh?

I suggest
we get packing, huh, Ev?

Dear God. Knute's right.

We better check out, Ev.

Is Everett
Alton Benson here?

Yes. That's me.

William Milliken,
the Coroner's Office.

This'll only take
a minute or two.

I know how difficult
it must be for you...

Did you say
the Coroner's Office?

The hospital didn't
call you?

Lauren is dead?

I'm sorry.

They had several
other calls to make,
other fatalities.

We knew she had
an accident.

Was anyone else
k*lled or hurt?

Oh, no, no.
She was alone.

Malibu Canyon,
as you may know,
is a dangerous road.

As a matter of fact,
her car went off
at nearly the...

Her car?

Yes, a '65 Mustang.

How did you know
I was in Los Angeles?

Your name and number
were in her purse...

Along with an unusual
amount of pills.

A sergeant from homicide
may give you a call.

It's SOP whenever
dr*gs are involved.

What do you need from us?

Arrangements
for the deceased.

Whenever next of kin
from out-of-state
are present...

Yeah. Well,
I'll take care of all that.

Lauren will be buried
in Deer Lick Falls, Michigan.

I'm the only relative.

Well, fine.

Then all we need is
your address for the final
death certificate,

and we'll mail it
to you in a few days.

Will you arrange to have
her body shipped to
the Kenwood Mortuary?

Fine. Fine.
Very good.

And I'm, again, sorry
that the hospital didn't
prepare you for this.

Yeah. Well,
that's all right,
Mr. Milliken.

I understand.

And thank you.
Thank you.

Oh, my pleasure.

I mean, it's the simplest case
that I've handled today.

Thank you. Good-bye.

How'd she get in her car?

Lauren never
fooled around with dr*gs.

She had too many
allergic reactions
to medication.

Whatever happened,
I still suggest that we get
the hell out of here.

It's over.

Isn't it?

Hello?

I was sorry to hear about
your niece, Benson.

I know how close
you two were.

Well, you certainly got
the news fast, Rockford.

Well, everybody knows
how bad the traffic is
out there.

Especially at rush hour
on that Canyon Road.

Hey, would you
tell Kelso

that he owes me a couple
of pints of brake fluid.

How'd she wind up
in her car?

Hey, it beats me.

But before the accident,

she managed
to write down
the full particulars

on that little
research farm of yours.

And you have them.

All the fascinating details,
including the 20,000 feet

of irrigation pipe
that never went
in the ground.

What're your terms?

Well, as soon as
I hear the good news
about my license

that you've withdrawn
the complaint,

I'll tell you where you can
pick up Lauren's statement.

All right.

We should have it
together by 3:00.

The cash should be in
non-sequential serial numbers.

Cash?
Cash?

Yeah, well,

you know,
incidental expenses.

It came to
just a few pennies shy
of $100,000.

Okay, I'll meet you three
blocks from the bank at
the La Canada shopping mall,

just after the bank closes,

on the benches
near the fountains.

Hello?

You can't get away
with this, Rockford.

The delivery will
be fine today.

It just doesn't stop.
It gets worse and worse.

Like I told you would
happen from day one.

That was nothing
but blackmail, sonny.

Well, do you think
these guys are really
gonna believe

that I'd go to this much
trouble just to get
my license back?

Well, no,
I guess not, but...

I gotta play it
greedy, Dad.

I'm the only thing
standing between them
and the slammer.

Yeah, but aren't you
pouring gasoline
all over yourself?

I mean, do they have
any alternative
to k*lling you?

None that I can think of.

Dear God, Art.

I thought you told Ev

you were gonna get
a deer r*fle.

Why don't you tell him
I didn't?

Will you forget
about that, Art?

There's no way
we can use it.

We're meeting him
at a shopping center.

Knute got a call at the bank.
Noah is in coronary care.

He keeled over when
he was making out
the bank draft.

We have no money
for Rockford.

How you be, brother?

Oh, fine, thank you.

Don't thank me.
Thank Him.

You wanna hand
that over, Knute,

so I can do a little
quick accounting, huh?

This...
This is the original?

Yeah.

You'll just have to take
my word for it,
there are no copies.

What's in the bag, Knute?

This is the money.

Wait till Ev
looks over the list...

All right.
Where's Kelso?

Dennis, he's on the balcony!

Dennis!
All units go!

WOMAN: Up there!
Look out!

Police! Freeze!
Drop it!

Drop it!

You wanna excuse me
while I go call Lauren?

Who?

Lauren, your niece.

Appearing live on stage
every night, Uncle Ev.

Hey, man, you don't
have to take this slop
from these pigs!

Get away from me.

These imperialist lackeys,
man, don't let them
shove you around.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, come on, read
this dude his Miranda.

Yea, verily I say unto you,
brother, button it.

LAUREN: Here we are.

You don't owe me
$1,800.

You didn't hire me.

You have to take it
'cause it's endorsed to you.

And if there should be
some money left over...

Eighteen C's?
Is that what the IRS
paid you

for informing
on your relatives?

I just love the way
you put things, Angel.

It's her
profit-sharing check.

We figure her 10%
of whatever the IRS collects
on the research farm

will come closer
to $75,000.

Seventy-five G's?

Mmm-hmm.

Hey, I know this reporter
down at the paper,

claims he ain't paid
no income tax on his
freelance work in five years.

Brags about it.
And my brother-in-law, Aaron,

he takes this big, fat
deduction on his sauna room,

claims that it's
some kind of prescription
medical device.

You're a great friend
to have, Angel.

Jimmy, I'm talking about
civic duty here.

I mean, these tax felons make
the guys like you and me

and your poor old dad here,
got to cough up.

Hey, I ain't poor.
I ain't old, neither!

Let me ask you
a question.

When you go down
to the IRS, you go
down in person?

Hey... Hey, when it comes
to civic duty, Angel,

what's a little
inconvenience?

Really. Really.
That's true.

Listen, you know there's
probably more guys fudging
on the income tax

than we know about.

Guys that get
paid in cash.

Guys like you.

Angel.

Hey, I'm giving you
a for instance.

What, am I
gonna tell on you,
old buddy-buddy?

No, it's these big scoff-laws
that get my goat.

Yeah, like your
brother-in-law, Aaron.

Yeah.

I am starved.
Anybody for pizza?

Oh, sounds fantastic.
Yes.

Yes, sir.

You won't need a coat.
It's just across the street.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
I gotta call my sister

and tell her
I'm not coming for dinner.

Yeah. That ought to help your
brother-in-law's appetite.