04x06 - Requiem for a Funny Box

[bunniefuu]

MAN ON TV: The man who taught
America to laugh,

Kenny Bell.

This time I'm gonna put
a permanent fix
on that creep.

Lee Russo is that dangerous?

Lee hired a man to break
the drummer's fingers.

They got my funny box.

How do you expect
to get it back?

You get it back

by delivering $10,000 cash
up on Mulholland at midnight.

Mr. Bell, did you hire
Mr. Rockford?

Do you mind
if I call my attorney?

Kenny, this is my neck
we're talking about!

Looks like
both of them.
Let's get it over with.

ROCKFORD
ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
This is Jim Rockford.

At the tone, leave your name
and message.

I'll get back to you.

WOMAN: Mr. Rockford,
Sue Ellen.

Our class is having
that crazy scavenger hunt
I told you about.

If you're wondering
what happened
to your trailer door,

it's gonna win me first prize!

RUSSO: It's wonderful
to be with you tonight.

It's wonderful
to be anywhere tonight
except back stage.

I mean, my ex-wife
just showed up.

You remember her, don't you?
The dragon-lady.

Boy, she's really something.

She used to say to me,

"I gave up
everything for you.
Everything."

I finally forgot
what everything was.

Food stamps,
welfare, the tenement.

Listen,
I gave that lady everything.

A house, fur coats, jewelry.

Still, she wasn't satisfied.
I mean, she kept hounding me.
She said

every month she wanted
to go on a vacation.

So I sent her to Paris,
sent her to Rome,
Villa Veneto, Spain.

All the great places.

Finally, she comes
to me and she says,

"I want to go
someplace different,

"someplace
I've never been before."

So I took her to the kitchen.

Good timing, huh, babe?
Huh?

Oh, I was just laughing
at this cartoon.

Look, why don't you
do something constructive

and make Lee
a drink, huh?

Okay.

Make it mild.

Where was I?

"I took her to the kitchen."

So I took her
to the kitchen.

TECHNICIAN:
Hey, Maury, check to see
if Mr. Bell is ready.

Boy, look at this,
sonny, huh?

Can you b*at this?
I tried.

You know I don't like
these things.

I don't know why
you wouldn't let me bail out.
You could've brought L.J.

Well, Kenny Bell, he don't
personally know L.J.

Besides, these are
mighty special passes.

And don't forget
that dinner invite.

Kenny Bell must be
quite a fella.

I told you, Dad,
I turned that down.

I wouldn't work as
Kenny Bell's trouble sh**t

if he threw in
the entire chorus line
at the Tahoe Lodge.

Now, what are you
getting sore about it?

I'm not sore.
Yes, you're sore.

Okay, I'm sore.
Just forget it, huh?

I tell you,
if a big man like Kenny Bell

was trying to hire me
for a job,
I would jump at the chance.

Dad, just...

MALE ANNOUNCER:
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,

to the Second Annual
Galaxy of Stars Variety Show,

coming to you live
from the Palisades Theatre
in Hollywood, California.

Now, Lee, you want to watch
your old side-kick?

Sure, why not.

Guy's still doing
his old circus barker routine.

His gags are so old,
even Berle
wouldn't steal them.

You're all heart,
I must say.

MAN ON TV:
And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the man who taught
America to laugh.

Please welcome Mr. Kenny Bell.

Thank you.
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

It's so good to see you.

I was backstage with Max.

That's my wife, dragon-lady.

You know, she's marvelous.

She's yelling at me backstage,

"Look what I gave up for you.

"Look what I gave up for you!"

I said, "Terrific.

"Welfare, food stamps,
and a tenement. "

This woman,
she has everything,
I'll tell you.

You know,
every month she goes
someplace different...

Stop him!
How?

He's on live. Right now.

It's the last time, Al.

This time, I'm gonna put
a permanent fix
on that creep.

"I want to go
someplace different,

"someplace
I've never been before. "

So I took her
to the kitchen.

Six months ago
she lost a credit card.

You know,
I didn't report it
to the police.

The thief spent
less than she did.

You know, actually though,
she's remarkable.

The other night
I'm sound asleep,

and all of a sudden
I hear "wham-bam!"

She's hitting me
with a stick.

I said,
"What are you doing?"

She says, "Look at this."
And she shows me
a piece of paper.

On the piece of paper
it's written "Mary B.

"BE8-1535."

"Telephone number!
Cheating on me!"

I said, "Sweetheart, relax.
I'm not cheating on you.

"Mary B's a horse,

"BE is Belmont,


"the 1535 is what it paid."

She says, "Oh, I'm sorry."
She kisses me
and I go back to sleep.

An hour later,
"wham-bam, crash!"
She's hitting me again.

I said,
"Now what's the matter?"

She says, "Don't look now,
but your horse just called. "

Anyway, I know
what I'm going to have written
on my tombstone.

It's going to say, "Pardon me
for not getting up. "

Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.

ANNOUNCER:
Let's have a big hand
for Mr. Kenny Bell!

Now would you
welcome please,

direct from an engagement
at the Palladium
in London, England,

Mr. Alan Maxford.

TECHNICIAN:
Up on one, camera one.

How did it look, okay?
Hey.

Hey, I'm talking to you!

Oh, hi, Lee.
How you doing?

It's the last time,
Kenny.

From now on,
you're my number-one project.
You're through!

I'm gonna run you
out of this business

if it takes every dime
I've got in the world.

What are you
talking about?

Listen, I want to know
how you got your hands
on my material.

Your material?
Are you kidding?

You've seen me unwrap
that material in front
of 40 million people.

From now on, that's original
classic Kenny Bell.

Hold it down guys.

Get out of here!

Just cool off.

I'm trying to be
nice to this guy.

See what he did to me?
He almost took a poke at me.

You're going round the bend.
You ought to go see a doctor.

You're dead!
Yeah?

Now, hold on.
Who the hell are you?

My name is Jim Rockford.
Why don't you go someplace
and just cool down.

All right, Mr. Russo?

Sure.

Sure.

Great.

Thanks, Rocks.

Nerve of that guy.

When you break up
a partnership,
you go all the way.

I don't know
what's the matter with him.

I don't understand it,
sonny.

Them fellas always
seemed so close,

like in that picture
where he had the chicken
laid the golden egg.

I don't understand.
Yeah, well, let's go, Rock.

Come in.

Hey, Kenny, I thought
we'd just shove off.

Oh, hey, Rocks.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to leave you out there,

but I was upset.
Come on in.

Come in, come in, come in.

That's a mighty funny routine
you do, Mr. Bell.

Hey, don't tell me,
Rocks Senior, right?

This is my father, Joseph.

Maxine and Kenny Bell.

Hi, Jim.
Hello, Mr. Rockford.

Hey, listen, honey,
I know you're busy,

but would you toss those
in the little bags? Wrap them.

Yes. Thank you.

Sorry you had to get
in the middle of that thing
with Lee.

Boy.

Well, enough of that.
Let's wrap up here
and go to dinner,

because
I figure I can still talk you
into that job, Jim.

Hey, Jim did a nice piece
of work for me three years ago

and I'd like
to repay the favor.

But Jim's a hard guy to hire.

Not hard, Kenny. Impossible.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

Hello?

Hey, hi, Don!
How are you?

Thank you.
Yeah, it's all new
original material.

It's the old
Kenny Bell concept.

Yeah?

Thank you.

Terrific. Okay.

Yeah, right away.

Hey, Max,
I've got to split.
Yeah?

It's Don Davis
from the Morris office.

They want to sign me
to an exclusive representation
on all fields.

Just on the basis
of my new act.

That's wonderful, Kenny!

And afterward,
they're waiting
out front for me,

we're going up
to a party at Hef's.

But, Kenny, we promised...

Oh! I know I promised,

but look, I've been
looking to change agents
for a year now

and, well,
it's William Morris' office,
and business is business.

What can you do?
It's okay, Kenny.

Hey, hey, Max,

why don't you take
the two Rocks
down to the Pond.

Oh, hey, Kenny, listen...

That's mighty nice
of you, Mr. Bell.

KENNY: There you go, see?

Hurry up, Max.
We've got customers waiting.

Isn't she a treasure?

I should've had her
buried years ago.

I got to put that
in the act!

By the way,
everything's on me, honey.

Try the lobster
à la Kenny Bell.
It's terrific.

And, Rocks,
I'll call you tomorrow.

Take care.

My, this is really
a fancy restaurant.

I guess you come here
all the time, though.

Oh, no.
This is my first time.

You mean there's a restaurant
that has a lobster
à la Kenny Bell

and you ain't never been here?

Well, Kenny comes here
mostly just to talk business.

Jim, I wish you'd
accept Kenny's offer.

Well, I'd like to freelance,

so I'm...
He's thinking it over.

Do you really think
that Lee Russo is
that dangerous?

Yes. One time
at the Club Lido,
back in the early '60s,

Lee got very angry
at a drummer
for doing rim sh*ts

after Kenny's funny lines.

So he went up to the drummer
and he told him to punch up
his lines up, too,

and when the drummer
didn't...

Yes, well, I guess
that is ancient history.

No, no, no.
Go on, please.

MAX: Well, Lee hired a man

to break
the drummer's fingers.

They always seemed
so close in all them movies
they made.

MAX: No. They were never
very close.

And now it seems
to be getting worse

and, for the life of me,
I can't understand why.

They've been split up
over five years.

That doesn't sound
like much of a partnership.

It wasn't.
WAITER: Good evening.

Are you ready to order?
Yes, sir.

I'm going to have the lobster
à la Kenny Bell.

The what, sir?

The way you do it
for Kenny Bell.

Oh, you mean
the lobster Newberg, sir.

I mean
the lobster Kenny Bell.

I'm sorry, but that's what
Mr. Bell has,

the lobster Newberg.
I'll have that, too.

Make it three, please.

He told me to ask
for lobster Kenny Bell.

Sir, we have
a Milton Berle sandwich
and a Hope salad, sir,

but no Lobster à la anything
but Newberg.

Lee, wait.

You're so mad,
you're gonna do
something you'll regret.

Now, can't it wait?
No, it can't!

I better go try
and find Kenny.

He's okay.
He's with his agent friend.

Yes, but Lee is very angry,

and with what
you told me before, I...

Maxine, would you like me
to see what Lee is up to,

just to be on the safe side?

Would you?

Rocky, would...

If I don't get back,
see that Mrs. Bell gets home
all right, will you?

Yeah.
What about the lobster?

Doggie bag.

It'll be a great
late night snack.

It's not that bad.

It's worse.

After you called

I went over and pulled this
out of your room.

A bug.

So that's how
he stole my act.

Two-bit bum.

You understand
what this means, Lee?

You remember
what we talked about
after your writers left?

Okay, okay.
So Kenny bugged my room.

He was your partner
and spent 20 years
loathing you.

What's he gonna do
with the information?
Nothing.

Kenny's all mouth
and no guts.

He had guts enough
to go on national television
and do your act.

Yeah, but he can't
afford to admit he stole.
Look, he can't say anything.

I can't take the chance.

Meaning?

Look, Lee,

you know how it is with me.

I can't afford visibility.

If it got out,

there's too much at stake.

Paul, I don't like
to be this way, believe me,

but I got a very rich payroll
to meet every week
and I'm gonna meet it.

Look, will you stop worrying?

About you or Kenny Bell?

Come on, Paul.
You know you don't have to
worry about me.

Kenny is a nebbish.

All you got to do is
lean on him a little bit.

He's not
going to say anything.

I mean, nothing terminal,
you understand.

Just a Band-Aid.
That's all you'll need.

We take care
of everything tonight.

Set it up for midnight.

I tell you, for the time
we spent out there,

we sure should've
caught something.

Two little
eight year-old kids
with a couple of fish

about like that...
KENNY: Hey, Rocks!

Hey, Rocks,
where've you been?

I've been looking
all over for you.

Man, I don't believe it.
I never thought you'd show
your face around here.

They got my funny box.
They got what?

Look, you don't have
no charge account
at that Pond.

And you don't have
no lobster named
after you neither.

I'm sorry about that, Joe.
Honest I am.

He's sorry!

They wouldn't let me
out of the joint

till I left
my social security check.

Max called me up
and told me all about it.

It was $59.65,
wasn't it?
Yeah.

I should have sent you
over to see Emilio.

They've got
new waiters in there.

Yeah, they don't know
what they're doing.

Here, look.
Well, thanks.

Hey, listen,
I'm in a rush.

They've got me
on a 5:30 flight out.

Just slow down,
will you, Kenny?

How can I slow down?

They got my funny box.

They came into my home
last night and they stole it.

What is a funny box?

It's a catalogue of jokes.
It's priceless.

Did you file
a police report?

How can I do that?
In my business you got to
pretend it's up here.

I've been denying
that I've had a funny box
for years.

I just can't come out
and say, "Hey, sure,

"I kept all of my
priceless material on file."

If you didn't file a report,
how do you expect
to get it back, Kenny?

You get it back

by delivering $10,000 cash
up on Mulholland at midnight.

Midnight at Mulholland?

Oh, no.
I can't do that. No.

No, you see, I just sent
my trench coat,

my snap-brim hat
out to be cleaned.

Oh, come on Rocks,
would you cut it out?

I don't know
who it was on the phone,

but it's somebody
fronting for Lee.

You don't think
Lee Russo is trying
to shake you down?

Are you kidding?

He's been trying
to sandbag my career
for years.

Ever since we broke up.

You saw him last night.

I was sensational,
and he went bananas.

Well,
what does Lee Russo need with
ten grand? He tips that much.

You must know what he makes
for a concert
at the Bowl, huh?

Yeah, I guess you're right.
Yeah.

Yeah, it wasn't Lee.

If he had my material,
he wouldn't sell it
back to me, would he?

Probably tear it up
and throw it down the toilet.

Okay, I don't know
who got it,

but you're going to
get it back for me.

You get it back yourself.

But I told you, Jim,
I'm on a 5:30 flight
to Vegas.

I got to be there.

You remember Don Davis?

You heard me speak to him
in the dressing room
last night.

Dan Rickles has come down
with Vegas throat.

They want me to fill in
for him at the main room
at the Sahara tonight.

I don't do
midnight pay-offs.

I thought you did
this kind of a thing
for your living.

You were wrong.

Kenny, Max asked me
to keep tabs on Lee. I did it.

I spent a lot of time
and trouble

tailing him to some house
in the Valley.

He met with Silvan, president
of the Lucas Cheese Company.

It was a very strange house.

It was drab and unlived in.
Now what's the tie-in?

How should I know?
All I know is that Rickles
came down with laryngitis

and they want me
to fill in for him.

Kenny, will you
stop trying to snow me?

You're not going to play
the main room at the Sahara
or any place else.

Says who?
Past history.

Oh, yeah?
Call the Morris office.

Ask for Don Davis.
Go ahead.

You heard me speak
to him last night.

He loves me
and he wants to buy
my new act.

Hey, look... Okay, Jim,

let's level.

I need this break.

I need you to get
back my funny box.

Now, what's it
going to take to buy
your cooperation, huh?

Two grand.

You got to be kidding.

A lot
of messenger services
have an hourly rate.

Hey, look, I can't trust this
to a messenger service.

Look at this, pal. Huh?

Now you think I'm kidding?

Okay.

You got your two grand.

All right? When I get finished
with this Vegas stand,

this is going to be
small potatoes.

OFFICER: Hold it right there!

Drop the briefcase.

This afternoon,
Mr. Bell engaged me

to deliver a sum of money
to Mulholland Drive.

In return for which
I was to receive a funny box

belonging to Mr. Bell
and stolen from his home.

And you just happened
to find Lee Russo
spread all over his car?

That's right, Diehl.
You want to make my statement
for me or should I continue?

Lieutenant Diehl
to you, Rockford.

Oh, how could I forget?
I tell you.

You've been
stalled at lieutenant
for what, 12 years?

Lieutenant,
can we expedite this?

Opportunity in this case
seems to have reared
its ugly head,

but a m*rder one case
that's less than ludicrous

requires a motive
and a w*apon.

Which you don't have,
which means you have nothing.

Go on, go on.
You were telling me
about a funny box.

You were supposed to receive
some kind of funny box?

Yeah. It's a joke catalogue,

a tool
professional comedians use.

In all my years on the force,

I think that might be
my favorite alibi.

Lieutenant, that young couple
up on Mulholland

that filed
that g*nsh*t complaint,
they'd like to go home.

So, let 'em.

Lieutenant, Mr. Kenny Bell
will substantiate
my client's claim.

If you will stop
fumfering around
and contact him in Las Vegas.

We've been trying,
Miss Davenport.

But until we can contact him,

we still have one major
international celebrity

dead as a plank
with Rockford found

right at the scene
with a briefcase
containing ten grand.

We also have reports
from Russo's people

that Rockford
and the victim

came very close
to blows the other night.

A minor altercation
of which Mr. Rockford

was not even the target.

Excuse me, Lieutenant.

I got through
to the casino.

Rickles opened in
the main room
in perfect health tonight.

The management also
told me that Kenny Bell

has not been
a headliner in Vegas

since he drove
his golf cart into Lake Mead.

Let me make a call.

You had your call.

I'll charge it
to my home phone, all right?

If Kenny Bell's
where I think he is,

you're gonna have to
nail me on a m*rder
one rap yet.

... and a secure niche
as one of America's
most popular entertainers

of the last 20 years.

Once again, Lee Russo,
dead at the age of 52.

We'll be back with
more news and weather
after this commercial break.

Hey, Max. Max, the phone!

Kenny...

I told you, I don't want
to talk to anybody.

Can't you do one
simple thing for me?

I don't know
why you're upset.

He didn't cry for you

when he poisoned
those people over
at Metro against me.

Now, answer it, will you?

Hello?

Yeah, this is Jim.
Where is he, Maxine?

You mean Kenny?

I don't know, Jim.

You heard about Lee?

Yes.
They're trying to
stick me with it, Maxine.

I found the body
while handling
Kenny's problem.

I need backup.

Hold it.

I think I just heard
somebody come in.

They're holding Jim
at the police station, Kenny.

I just can't lie
for you anymore. Here.

That was no lady.
That was my wife.

Hey, hey, Jimbo! How are you?

Hear you got
a little problem.

Anything Kenny can do?

Kenny can start by explaining
Don Rickles' miraculous cure.

What can I say, Lieutenant?
Don went on anyway.

The man's a trouper.
He's lying.

Mr. Bell, did you hire
Mr. Rockford

to make a ransom exchange

for a funny box
belonging to you?
Excuse me?

Said you have
a catalogue of jokes.

A tool used
by professional comics.

KENNY: Well, to begin with,
I never had one,

so there would be no reason
to hire Jim to... What was it?

Ransom it did you say?

Kenny, this is my neck
we're talking about!

KENNY: Hey, Rocks, I know.

Can I get you
some bail money,
some legal fees?

Anything I can do?

You're stating for the record,
there's no permanent
joke file?

Look, Lieutenant,
I'm not that kind
of a performer.

Spontaneity, natural flow,
that's what I go for.

I've got it all here
and it's all here.

You've no doubt
seen my work.

He's denying this funny box

because it's some kind
of a disgrace
to admit he needs one.

As far as hiring Jimmy
is concerned,

well, this is
very painful for me,
Lieutenant.

Could we speak privately?

Hey, come on, Kenny,
don't go now.

You've got the house
with you.
Okay.

There was some talk
of me hiring Jimmy.

In fact,
he came to me and told me
he was down on his luck.

He asked if he could
be my personal...

Keep your seat, Rockford.

KENNY: I said, "Hey, Rocks,

"you know I've already got
a personal manager."

He said to me,
"Hey, Kenny, anything,

"anything I can do,
gofer,

"schlep, anything."

There was some talk
about me hiring him,

but only in
the most general sense.

In fact, I bought him
a meal at the Pond.

Well, that's
the thanks you get, huh?

Hey, it's like Frank says,

"Every comet has its tail."

You can't possibly believe
this swill he's dishing out.

Hey, listen, Lieutenant,

I've come down here
to cooperate.

I don't have to
be insulted, too.

Especially now at this time
of personal grief.

Okay, Kenny. Okay, fine.

This rap won't stick.

And when I'm out,
I'm personally going to add

a few rim sh*ts
to your routine.

Davis, take Mr. Rockford
down to the print desk,

although I'm sure
he knows the way.

Sad.

What happened?
I saw them
take Jim downstairs.

Oh, really? Oh, well,
it got kind of
complicated legally and...

But you did tell them
that Jim was working for you?

That he's innocent?

Oh...

It's not right.

Kenny, you did
tell them that, didn't you?

What?
That Jim is innocent.

Then you better
go back in there
and explain it to them.

Oh, no, no...

I'm thinking about Lee.

About the reporters.

I mean, if someone
doesn't speak for Lee...

I mean,
I should speak for Lee.

I mean, I've been
his partner for 20 years,
you know what I mean?

You hated him.
You cursed him.

You tried to tear him down.

You wished
terrible diseases on him.
Shh.

Come on. There were
some good times,
weren't there?

Kenny, there are
millions of people
to speak for Lee.

Johnny, Frank,

all those people
at the Friars.

Oh, yeah, but...
It's Jim who needs
speaking for now.

Yeah, well...

You're exploiting
Lee's death.

How can you say
a thing like that?

He was my partner.

Hey, Max.

Jim, please.

Stay away from Kenny.

Diehl would like
nothing better than
for you to mix it up.

You'll do something
you'll regret.

I never do things I regret.

I'm serious.

Where have you been?
Home.

After they put me
in a holding cell

you just went home?

I do have a home, you know.
I live there.

Come on, Jim.
I've got to get to court.

If you want to get your car
at the impound lot...
No, no, no.

What do you know about
the Lucas Cheese Products
in Garden Grove?

Never heard of them.

What about Paul Silvan?

What do you need,
another set of problems to go
with your free hand?

Why? What's Silvan's story?

I don't think the guy
has ever had
a parking violation.

His old man is August Silvan.

The first one in the bushes
when the police hit
the Appalachian Conference.

The mob?

What's Paul Silvan's
connection with Lee Russo?

I didn't think there was one.

Paul Silvan is ex-Brooklyn,

Lee Russo was pure Hollywood.

Well, they both loved
to hang out together
in the Valley,

at least that's where
they were the other night.

I better find
the famous Mr. Bell

before he hides
in some bushes.

You know, this is beginning
to make some sense.

Well, not to me,
it doesn't.

Morning, sir.

Motor vehicle inspection.
May I see your license
and registration, please?

Officer, I have
some important business
to attend to

and time is crucial.

May I see your license
and registration, please?

I just had a small check,

the car was just serviced


Is this your current address?

Yes, yes.

Look, is there any way
I might come down
to the station later?

I'm really in a hurry.

Would you
sound your horn, please?

Hey, Jim, I don't know why
you're being so hostile.

I mean, you are out.
I knew you would be.

You're right,
I told them everything.

I'm out, but I'm still
the best thing they've got!

Now, they can make my life
pretty miserable, Kenny.

Yeah, well, don't worry,
they're gonna find
the real k*ller.

This is the best
police force in the nation.

Somehow
I don't feel reassured.

Now, I want
some original material, Kenny.

Do you own a .32 p*stol?

As a matter of fact, I do.
How'd you know that?

Because Lee Russo
was k*lled with a .32.

That's the only reason
I'm enjoying this
little field trip

from county jail.
I own a .38.

Hey, you're not
trying to say
that I k*lled Lee?

Would I give you
credit for so much guts?

I want to see
your g*n.

All right. It's here.

It's right here.

It's gone.

I guess I didn't realize it
when the funny box was stolen.
But it's not there.

It was probably
taken the same night.

You see
how it's going, Kenny?

Oh, wow.

Oh, my God,
I didn't think.

You mean
they tried to set me up
for Lee's m*rder?

No, I don't think so.

No, they'd have
left the g*n there
at the scene for evidence.

No, I think
they wanted to k*ll you.
Double homicide.

I mean, you and Lee,
you got into a beef

one of the famous hatreds
of the western world
and all that,

then you sh*t each other.
Anybody would buy it.

Who'd want to m*rder me?
You name it, Kenny.

You have
universal appeal.

But I think you know
the particular reason.

Now I want to know it.

I haven't the faintest idea.

Remember I told you
that I followed Lee Russo
to a house in the Valley?

Yeah.
Well, I found this.

What's that?
You know what it is.
It's a bug.

Lee Russo claimed
you stole his act.

Is that how you did it?

Come on,
don't insult me on top
of everything else.

I told you that was my act.

It was my original concept.

I think they found out
you bugged Lee.

And that you'd
heard something else.
Something they didn't like.

That's why
they wanted you dead.

You got any ideas?

Okay.

Okay.

Lee... Lee was, well...

Go, Kenny.

All right.
Lee was all mobbed up.

Paul Silvan,
he was syndicate.

I already know that.

Don't you get it, see?

Pail Silvan,
he backed Lee all the way.

Hell, that's the only reason
he made it.

They came to me, too.
The mob.

They wanted to back me.

San Lorca from Detroit,
he wanted to back me

with PR, record deals,
motion picture contracts,
the works.

I couldn't do that.

Hey, Rocks, I'm a mensch.

I'm no puppet
for some salad oil czar.

That's the secret
they'd be worried about?

Sure.

Paul Silvan,
he's low profile.

Being tied up publicly
with a saloon singer like Lee,

well, then he had
limelight problems, right?

Maybe.
What do you mean, maybe?

There's no question
about it.
Okay.

If you say so.

So why do I get the feeling
you're lying, huh?

You know, I only got
a little m*rder rap to sweat,

but you, it's like I say,

I think
they want you embalmed.

Hi, Jim.

Where have you been?

Here, give me those.
What's the matter?

We've got to get packing.
We've got to get out of here.

We'll go to your mother's.
Go ahead.

Get in the room.
Start packing,
will you, honey?

I got to call
the heat off me.

I got a phone call to make.

Oh, Miss Thompson?
Yes?

I'm Cliff Braddock,
police department.

How'd you find me?

Your apartment manager told me
that you came by the theater

to pick up a few things
you'd left.

I've already made
a complete statement.

Just a few more questions
if you don't mind.

Look, I want to cooperate
but Mr. Paul's waiting
to do my hair,

and I have to go to Giorgio's
and hope they've got
something in black.

The funeral's this afternoon.

Oh, it's not for me,
I mean, what do I care
how I look.

But I was Lee's lady
and he'd want to be
proud of me.

I'm sure he was.

What did you want to know?

Well, you'd dated Lee Russo
for quite a while, I believe.

Over two years. Steady.

Then you know Paul Silvan.

Like I know Lee.
They were real close.

Almost like brothers.

The Three Musketeers,
that's what I used to call us.

We were always together.

That cut into
your privacy little,
didn't it?

You said you were Lee's lady.

That's what it always
boils down to, isn't it?

You see a good looking guy
and some fox,
it's got to be sex.

And it wasn't?

It was love and respect
and good times.

These questions
are pretty personal.

m*rder is just about
as personal as you can get.

Look, it bugged me at first
that he didn't try
like everybody else.

But then I understood why.

You know how tired
a guy like Lee gets

with women
throwing themselves
at him all the time?

But me, he took everywhere.

Even if he and Paul
were just going out shopping,
he'd take me.

Did he take you
to Paul's house in the Valley?

Paul doesn't
live in the Valley.
He lives in Bel Air.

We never went there.

Oh, and you went
everywhere together?

All the time.

Except when he and Paul
had to talk business.

Did they talk business often?

Yeah. Pretty often.

Why? What are you getting at?

Lori, did it ever
occur to you

that Lee Russo
might be h*m*?

Hello, Pop.

Heard you wanted to see me.

How's Arlene and the kids?

Fine.

And you?

The new medication helping
with the dizziness?

You're concerned
about me, huh?

Of course I'm concerned.

I was just thinking
about your Grandpa Nick.

When I was a kid
he used to tell stories

about certain men
in the old country.

Men who loved other men.

Oh, they were
funny stories.

Oh, what your Grandpa Nick
and his friends

used to do to those men,
I tell you.

We laughed,

because these people
were not in our family.

Our family was made up
of real men.

What's on your mind, Pop?

Today

I got a call from some scum
named Kenny Bell.

He wants me
to hear this tape.

It's a copy he says.

What I heard on this tape

sounds like you.

Sounds like my son

and this entertainer,
Lee Russo.

I know it can't be my son.

Well, what do you think
we should do about it?

I tell you what I think
you should do.

You should deny it.

Dad...
You deny it to me,

and we'll never
discuss it again ever.

Deny it!

No.

I'm not going to lie
to you anymore.

Why? Why would you
do this?

It's a sin. It's vile.
It's perverted.

Our heritage says
that it's shameful.

All that has
a certain piquancy to it

considering how
we earn our living,
don't you think?

No, I don't think!

Because I don't understand
what them big
fancy words mean.

I'm just a man
who worked hard every day,

a man who succeeded,

a man who would never
shame the business

that put bread in his mouth.

And more than that,
I'm a man.

So am I.
Oh, please, huh!

Don't make me throw up.

Now, this jukebox idol,
this Lee Russo,

he was the first?
No.

I've had lovers
since I was a teenager.

Lovers?

He calls them lovers.

Why didn't you ever
talk to me about this?

I tried.
No, you never did!

Yes, I did!

Once when I was young

and couldn't sleep
because so much
was happening in my mind

and I was mixed up
in my feelings, I woke you up

and we tried to talk
in the kitchen.

Remember?
We didn't talk about that.

We talked about
something else.
I don't remember what.

We talked about men!

And how I was
attracted to them.

Or at least I tried
to talk about it.

But you went off
on a tangent

and twisted my words
around to make it
mean something else.

You were a child.

Young boys, 13, 14 years old,

sometimes they get confused.

It's a stage.

I was 17 years old, Pop.

Seventeen.

I'm still your son.

And I love you.

As you like.

I'll see that no disgrace
comes to you.

I've already
taken care of Lee.

Which didn't
solve the problem.

We were going to
deal with Kenny Bell,
but he didn't show up.

He's the only one
who knows.

He and a detective they hired.

I'll see that
they're both taken care of,

and I'll destroy the tape.

Hey, Paul, Paul.
Just one more thing.

This filth

never happen again, huh?

Paulie?

Come on, Max.
I'll get the car.

Okay, where you going,
Kenny, huh?

Don Rickles catch
Vegas throat again?

Very funny.

No...

Maxine's mother,
we just got a call,
she's very ill.

Kenny, that's a lie.

Thanks, Maxine.

Kenny, you'll be free
to go anywhere you want

as soon as you've had
a chat with Lieutenant Diehl.

About what?

Well, you can start
by telling him how you stole

Lee's act for
the Galaxy of Stars Show.

How you bugged his room.

Hey, we got a plane
to catch.
Kenny.

Okay.

Okay, so I bugged
Lee's room.

I wanted to hear
what kind of material
he had.

Hey, I knew
he was gay for years.

But he had the best writers
in the business.

It wasn't fair.

Kenny, you didn't know
Paul Silvan was gay.

You're going to have to go
to the police with me.

It's your only way
out of this mess.

Hey, hey, Rocks,
I'm sorry but it's not
in the cards, man.

Kenny, if you don't go
with Jim right now,

I might not be here
when you get back.

Stop fooling around.
Where would you go
without me?

If you think you can
blackmail people
like the Silvan family

into letting you live,
you forget it.

Hey, Max.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I'll go. I'm going.

Okay, Kenny,
get in the car.

Be here when I get back.

Looks like
both of them.
Good.

Let's get it over with.

Uh-oh.

There's a police station
on Hayvenhurst.

Nah, it's too far.

Oh, ah-ha, there!

Let's go.

Hi, fellas.

Yes.

Mr. Silvan,
you wanted me to call you
when it was taken care of.

Well, sir, this is
very difficult for me,

but, you see, Paul didn't...

You mean it wasn't
taken care of?
Yes, sir.

This Rockford got
Kenny Bell to the cops.

Mr. Silvan, I know
this is none of my business,

but what's this all about?

Do it.

Don't mean Paul,
do you, sir?

Just do as I say.

Hey, Rocks,
I really appreciate
everything you've done,

and I'm gonna pay you
for every day
you were on the job.

Hey, hey, it's no problem.

It'll work out.

Say listen, how's Maxine?

Oh, a little touchy,

but she'll come around.

Truth of the matter is
that she left me.

Oh.

I never thought
she'd do that.

Hi, Joe,
what do you know?
What do I know?

I'll tell you,
that check you gave me

bounced like
there was no gravity
in the air.

The check bounced?

Boy, that business manager
of mine.

Listen, you see, I have
these different accounts.

He never puts the money
where I tell him to, you know.

Listen, I'll call Dale
on the phone

and I'll get this whole thing
straightened out
if it's the last thing I do.

Don't bother, Kenny.
You don't owe
either one of us a thing.

What are you saying?
You never seen
a check bounce that quick.

It's okay, Rocky.
Just tear it up.

Kenny's already paid us.
I have?

$2,000 worth.

$2,000?

You're not talking
about the money you brought up
to Mulholland?

Yeah, that's right.
The police will be
releasing it to me in 90 days,

and I keep two grand
for our deal,

and I promised Maxine
the other eight.

Might make her
a little hard to find.

You can't do that.
That's my money
for the funny box.

You didn't come down
with the funny box, did you?

What funny box?

You're on record as saying
there is no funny box,

and you never hired me.

It's all here and here.

Remember?