04x04 - Piano Movers

[bunniefuu]

[David Pomeranz performing
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]

♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪

♪ Like you need
some kinda change ♪

♪ No matter
what the odds are this time ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna
stand in my way ♪

♪ This flame in my heart ♪

♪ Like a long lost friend ♪

♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

♪ Standing tall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ Rise and fall ♪

♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

♪ Through the rain and thunder ♪

♪ The wind and haze ♪

♪ I'm bound for better days ♪

♪ It's my life and my dream ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop me now ♪

[instrumental music]

Electric bill.

Gas bill.

Phone bill.

Balki, there's no stamp on this.

Balki, Larry, something
wonderful has happened.

This is the greatest
day of my life.

Ms. Lydia, what‐what is it?

Chuck Panama called and
he's coming to my party tonight.

Get out of the city!

The Chuck Panama?

The one they named
the canal after?

No, Balki,
you're thinking of Chuck Suez.

Chuck Panama happens
to be one of the hottest

record producers
in America today.

I've dreamed of being
a singer all my life.

I've even had people tell me
I'm a young Barbara Streisand.

If I get a chance
to sing for Chuck

my Grammy
is just around the corner.

Oh, I would love
to meet your grammy!

Is she coming to the party?

No, no. No, no, no!

She, uh, hates parties.

But you could do me
an incy‐teensy favor.

I can't get a piano delivered
to my apartment tonight

so I thought since you guys
are coming to the party

you could pick it up
on your way.

Perfect. We were going to ask
you if we could bring anything.

We'd love to,
but I have a back problem.

If I don't get a chance
to sing for Chuck Panama

my life will be meaningless.

I know what you mean.

The only thing worse
than a meaningless life

is a bad back.

Oh, Ms. Lydia,
I promise you get your piano.

Cousin, don't worry,
I'll do all the work.

I always do all the work.

Terrific! Terrific!

Now, here is the receipt
for the piano.

Try to be a little bit early

I want to do a sound check.

Thanks!

Now, why did you do that?

I want to go to a party
and have fun.

I don't wanna work up
a sweat moving a piano.

Now, cousin,
that is where Balki

has his thinking cap
pulled way down over his ears.

We're not going
to bust our buttocks

we're going to rent
one of those trucks

with the little
elevator on the back.

Your back will be no problem

your underarms
will stay nice and dry..

...and because you have helped a
friend you'll feel good inside.

What you say?

Alright, alright.

I'll move the piano.
But I won't feel good inside.

‐ Yeah. Yes, you will.
‐ No, I won't.

‐ Yes, you will.
‐ No, I won't.

‐ Yes, you will.
‐ No, I won't.

I already have
a little pain right here.

[instrumental music]

Okay, bring it on in.

Bring it on in. A little more,
a little more, a little more.

Ho, ho, ho. Ho!

Okay, straight over here!

'Straight over here.
Keep it comin', keep it comin'.'

'Keep it coming.'

Alright, swing it on in.
Swing it on in.

Swing it on in.

Bring it in, bring it in.

Little more,
little more, little more.

Ho!

You thought
this was gonna be hard

but it's gonna be just as easy
as pushing goats up a hill.

Looks like
one of the goats doesn't fit.

Okay, smarty pants!

I just do this, turn it
around like this and voila!

Question?

How are we going to get this
up to Ms. Lydia's apartment?

Answer. We don't.

Balki, we gave it
our best shot, it didn't work.

Guess the world
will just have to get along

with one Barbara Streisand.

Cousin, there must be a way!

‐ Uh‐uh!
‐ Yes!

No, Balki, Balki.
Hold on, hold on.

Think about
what you're thinking.

Two men are going to carry
a piano upstairs?

Uh‐uh! No way!

And no.

Cousin, we made a promise.

Oh, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no!

I didn't promise anybody
anything. You promised.

You know, you're right.

I promised.
You didn't promise.

Okay, um..

So, you go,
go upstairs to the party

and I'll just take care of it.

And‐and, cousin..

...don't worry about me

because I'm in
a good place about it.

[grunting]

One.

Wait a minute.

Who moves a piano like that?

Someone who's alone.

Alright, I'll help you.

‐ Oh, thank you, cousin.
‐ Uh!

Now..

What we need first is a plan.

Cousin, nobody enjoys
one of your plans

more than I do..

But I was just thinking maybe
we could just pick it up and go.

‐ Oh, just pick it up and go?
‐ Just pick it up and go.

Oh, that's what you want to do,
Balki, just pick it up and go?

Just pick it up and go.

Oh, Balki, Balki, Balki.

Do you know the most common way
people hurt themselves?

Running with sharp sticks
in their hands?

No.

Trying to cut their
toenails with a bolt cutter?

No!

Sleeping out in the open
and letting little bugs crawl

in their ears
and make nests and then..

...they start to buzz and buzz

until you think
you're gonna go crazy

but you just take a little
Q‐Tip and get in there..

No, no, no,
Balki, Balki, Balki.

The most common way
people hurt themselves

is by lifting
heavy objects incorrectly.

‐ Really?
‐ Yes, they do.

Now, the secret
to lifting a piano

is to let your legs
do all the work.

It's all in the legs.

All in the legs.

All in the legs.

‐ All in the legs.
‐ All in the legs.

‐ All in the legs.
‐ All in the legs.

‐ All in the legs.
‐ All in the legs.

(both)
All in the legs.

‐ I like this.
‐ I thought you would.

Now...on the count of three..

...we will lift..

Other side,
other side, other side.

On the count of three
we will lift the piano up

one step and set it down.

What we are trying to do
is establish a rhythm.

Hey, I got rhythm!

I got music.

I got my pal.
Who could ask for anything more?

[laughs]

Ready?

Yes.

All in the legs.

One, two, three. Lift!

[grunting]

One, two, three. Lift!

[instrumental music]

One, two, three. Lift!

One, two, three.
Lift!

What floor is Lydia on?

One, two, three. Lift!

She's on ten.

One, two, three..

Ten!

Somebody broke the rhythm.

[instrumental music]

(Larry)
'One, two, three. Lift!'

'One, two, three. Lift!'

Why do I let you talk me
into helping other people?

Why do I listen?
I could have said no.

I did say no!

Good news, cousin.

We only have
...seven floors to go.

One, two, three. Lift!

One, two, three. Lift!

'One, two, three. Lift!'

Cousin.

One, two, three. Lift!

[whispers]
Cousin.

Balki..

...why aren't we moving?

We are not moving...because
the piano is on my foot.

Ooh!

Well, lift it off your foot.

That was my first instinct..

...but you see, the wheel
is caught on the carpet.

Alright, alright.

You hang on to the piano.

I'll come up to your end
and lift it off your foot.

That would be nice.

Alright, have you got it?

More than you know.

[grunting]

[screaming]

Sorry.

Alright, on the count of three
lift the piano and don't let go.

Ready? One, two, three.

[glass shatters]

I said lift and don't let go.

Oh, don't let go!

Don't let go.

‐ So then don't..
‐ Don't.

Would have been
the operative word..

‐ Yes!
‐ In that phrase!

Yes!

Pull! Pull!

What does it
look like I'm doing?

Milking a goat?

[panting]

Okay, here's the plan.

We move the piano up to Lydia's

and then you move back to Mypos.

I'm glad you're in a joking
mood, you big kidder you!

Now, let's tackle these ivories.

[instrumental music]

(Larry)
'One.'

Two.

Three.

Lift.

[grunting]

One, two, three.

Balki.

[grunting]

No!

We're here!

‐ We made it.
‐ We, we're here.

We made it!

And you thought
it was gonna be hard.

I can't believe it.

We brought a piano up ten floors
and I didn't hurt my back!

My back is fine!

Okay, Balki, open the door.

Open the door.

That door can't be locked.

[sobbing]
No, no, no, no!

[sobbing]

Cousin..

...don't do that.

It's gonna be okay.
You know why?

We just, we just
gonna go downstairs

and we just take the elevator up

and I bet you can open it
from the other side.

Okay.

‐ Okay?
‐ Okay.

Okay. Okay.

It's just I'm missing
the whole party.

I know.

And I'm all sweaty.

I know.

And I got a blister.

And your pants are ripped.

My pants are ripped?

Yeah, I was going to tell you
earlier but then I thought..

...he might lose his mind.

My pants are ripped?

I love these pants.

These are my good pants!

These pants make me look taller!

Guess I should have waited.

I hate that stupid piano!

I hate it.
I hate it. I hate it!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Oh. Oh!

My back!
I hurt my back.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Oh!

Are you finished?

‐ Yes!
‐ Okay.

Would you like me
to help you downstairs?

Yes, please.

[instrumental music]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Uh!

Don't worry, cousin.

You hurt yourself
doing something good

for somebody else.

God will smile on you.

That's what I did this for?
A smile?

Now, cousin,
if there's one thing

that this simple Mypiot knows

that is, that if you do
something good for other people

good things are bound
to happen to you.

[clanging]

What was that?

Could be anything.

[clanging]

Or it could be the piano
rolling down the stairs.

[clanging]

It appears to be following us.

Cousin, did Steven King ever
write anything about the piano?

There's got to be
a logical explanation.

Pianos don't follow people.

Maybe the floors are uneven.

[clanging]

Or maybe it's alive!

[screaming]

Faster! Faster!

Perhaps you'd like to get off
and wait for the next Mypiot.

[clanging]

What are you doing?

You forgot your jacket.

Forget the jacket.

[screaming]

[glass shatters]

[clanging]

Well!

I had no idea
a piano had so many parts.

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

Oh, you take my breath away,
you wild man you!

So, um, Chuck,
do you like my singing?

(Chuck)
'Why don't we discuss it
tomorrow night at my hotel?'

Ooh! Ooh!

Until then..

Ciao, baby.

Ciao!

Ms. Lydia.

Oh, Balki! Larry!
I didn't see you at the party.

Did I invite you to the party?

Lydia, we were
moving your piano.

Oh, that. Funny thing.

I didn't need
that piano after all.

I used a background tape.
It had a full orchestra.

It just supported my voice
so much better than

that dinky little piano.

Did you hear that, Balki?

She didn't need the piano.

Well, that's, that's
fortunate, Ms. Lydia

because the piano
now bears a striking resemblance

to a pile of Lincoln Logs.

Oh, who cares
about that silly old piano?

Chuck likes me!

He really likes me!

And you wanna know
why he really likes me?

Because..

♪ People ♪

♪ People who need people ♪

♪ Are the luckiest
people in the world ♪

♪ With one person ♪

♪ One very special person.. ♪

Cousin, isn't it wonderful
the way things worked out?

Wonderful?
What is so wonderful?

We k*lled ourselves taking a
piano up ten floors for nothing!

Well, now that's true, but..

...the point is that
you helped me to do this

even though it was against
your better judgment.

And that makes this evening
worth it for you?

Well, yes it does.

Because, cousin,
if you were willing

to help me to do this
then I know that even if

the world falls in on me
I can ask for your help.

Well, Balki,
you're probably right.

But just don't ask
for the next few days, okay?

There's plenty of time, cousin.

We, we won't have to help
Harriette move

into our building
until next week.

[theme music]