02x13 - Since I Lost My Baby

[bunniefuu]

* Sometimes the world
looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you
just get a feeling

* Like you need
some kind of change

* No matter what
the odds are this time

* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way

* This flame in my heart

* Like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street
a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna stop me now
* Nothing's gonna stop me

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna stop me now

* Nothing's gonna stop me now *

* It's a beautiful day
in the neighborhood

* Beautiful day in
the neighborhood

* Won't you be mine

* Could you be mine

* Won't you be my neighbor *

Can you say, "Good morning?"

No.

(BANGING ON DOOR)

Someone's in the office.

(MOUTHING)

(MOUTHING)

(MOUTHING)

(BANGING)

(YAWNS)

It's Mr. Twinkacetti.

(MR. TWINKACETTI BARKS)

Why did you do that?

We thought you were a prowler.

Nice outfit, Mr. Twinkacetti.

I have pajamas
that look like that.

These are my pajamas.

I spent the night here.

My wife threw me out
just because I forgot

our wedding anniversary.

Well, you should be ashamed.

You should be neutered.

She threw you out?

That's pretty severe for
missing one wedding anniversary.

Well, actually, we've
been married 16 years

and I've forgotten 16 of them.

Well, nobody's perfect.

Edwina, my love.

Drop dead, Donald.

Hello, boys.

BOTH: Hi, Mrs. Twinkacetti.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you, Balki.

You're one up on him.

I thought you'd be
needing a few things.

Oh, that's very
thoughtful of you, dear.

Can't we let
bygones be bygones?

Not this time, Donald.

You have taken me for
granted once too often.

It's over.

I want a divorce.

Uh, just for forgetting
one wedding anniversary

sixteen times?

It's not the anniversaries.

And it's not the gambling

and the wild nights
out with the boys.

But it's more
than that too.

The romance is gone.

The magic is gone.

You're gone.

Goodbye, Donald.

Oh, by the way...

I'm keeping the luggage.

Divorce?

I can't believe it.

We've had our
little spats before

but she never used the D word.

Come on, Balki, let's
give the man some privacy.

You must be in such pain.

I'm too numb
to feel any pain.

I've lost my wife,
the only woman I ever loved.

Excuse me. I'll be in my office
looking for a reason to live.

No, Mr. Twinkacetti,
you shouldn't be alone.

Cousin, he needs
to be with friends.

Yeah, good idea.

Go see some friends.

I can't do that.
All my friends know me.

Well, we know you
and we're still your friends.

We are?
And... And you can
stay with us.

He can?

I don't know what to say.

Why don't...
Why don't you wait here?

Balki, could I have
a word with you?

Are you crazy?

Cousin, Mr. Twinkacetti
is in pain.

Well, how is making
my life a living hell

going to change that?

Well, somebody has got to let
him know that he's not alone

that he's not a totally
worthless human being.

You mean, somebody's
gotta lie to him.

but I draw the line at having
the man sleep under my roof.

Well, then, you tell him
he can't stay.

All right, I will.

Mr. Twinkacetti?

Yes.

Uh, about that invitation--

Oh, say no more.

I... I don't blame you.

I'm... Dirt.

(SOBBING)

(SNIFFLING)

All right, you can
stay with us until--

Oh, you guys
are the greatest.

Having Twinkacetti
as a house guest

is like Tokyo inviting
Godzilla for dinner.

Well, how are we going
to get poor Mr. Twinkacetti

and poor Mrs. Twinkacetti
back together?

We are not.

Balki, rule of thumb.
Never butt in.

It's not up to us
to save their marriage.

Just stay out of it.
Yeah.

I... I see
a marriage in trouble

and I have to do
something to help.

Well, just leave me out of it.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Hi, boys. How's it going?

I brought the beer.

Come on in.

You look like you
found a reason to live.

Oh, yeah, I thought about it.

Women. Who needs 'em?
(SCOFFS)

Especially since I got
great guy pals like you.

How about a brewski?

Oh, no, thank you.

I got a Pepski.

You see, he's fine.

Just leave them alone,
and they'll work things out.

Cousin, no. He's hiding his
true feelings deep down inside.

The man is shallow.

There is no
deep down inside.

Cousin, no.

He's got something
inside him

and it's going to-to
fester and-and swell

and burst like
a tick on a sheepdog.

Well, then, get
him off our couch.

Mr. Twinkacetti.

(CLICKS)

Would you like
to share the pain

that is going on
deep down inside?

Nah!

What do you say we zip
around the old cable dial

until we hit some nudity?

Deep. Deep.

Now, you know
what I think?

you know that if you
don't have Mrs. Twinkacetti

you...you got nothing.

Oh, sure, you'll make
a life for yourself.

But in the end

you'd be a wretched,
filthy little man,

wandering the streets with
newspapers under your shirt

and plastic bags
on your feet,

wishing in your heart

that you...you had not
lost your true love forever.

Forever?

(SOBBING) The D word.

Cousin, this man is deep.

We've got to
help his marriage.

There, there,
Mr. Twinkacetti.

We're there for you.

You mean it?

Is the king cross-eyed?

(SOBBING)

Blow.

(BLOWS NOSE)

Guys, I wanna thank you
for taking me in like this.

I have to get Edwina back.

And even though it may
take months, I can wait.

Months?

I'm gonna go to bed now
and cry myself to sleep!

Uh, Mr. Twinkacetti.

(DOORS SLAMS SHUT)

Uh, Mr. Twinkacetti,
that's my room.

Mr. Twinkacetti?

(MR. TWINKACETTI CRYING)

There's tissues by the bed.

Balki, we have to
save this marriage.

Well, of course, we do.
Don't be ridiculous.

Mrs. Twinkacetti,
he's not the same man.

Well, yes,
he's still short.

Tell her he's changing.

I can't tell her that.
That would be lying.

No, it's not. He's in
the bedroom changing.

Mrs. Twinkacetti,
believe me when I tell you

he's changing.

You will? Yes,
I'll tell him.

Yeah, bye.

Balki, she's agreed
to talk to him.

Oh, that's wonderful.
There's one catch.

She'll only give
him five minutes.

Not if he can prove to her
that he's trying to change.

Balki, take a reality pill.

Mr. Twinkacetti is
not going to change.

The best we can
hope for is that

he can romance her
for five minutes.

That way, he'll get
a foot in the door

and out of our apartment.

Appleton, I read your diary.

You're a sick man.

Mr. Twinkacetti,
that was personal.

Hey, we're roomies.
We have no secrets.

You never let me
read your diary.

Why don't you tell
Mr. Twinkacetti the good news?

Mr. Twinkacetti,

your wife has agreed to
talk to you for five minutes.

Five minutes? What can
I do in five minutes?

Well, I guess flying
her to Paris is out.

You've got to prove to her
that you're going to change.

Forget that.

And you can start
by being romantic.

Now, we've gotta
find the right spot.

Well, we used to go
to this restaurant.

Oh, Tony's Mambo Room.

"Tony's Mambo Room?"

"Our ribs stick to your ribs."
That Tony's Mambo Room?

I don't think
that's going to work.

What are you talkin' about?
Tony's is a romantic place.

You eat with your fingers.

No, no, that's not romantic.

That's disgusting.

That's cruel, Appleton.
Okay.

Cousin Larry's right.

We've seen you with
Mrs. Twinkacetti.

It's not pretty.

What am I gonna do? I don't
have a romantic bone in my body.

Oh, you must
have had once.

She fell in love with you.

Sure, that was
13 years ago!

BOTH: Sixteen.

See, I'm hopeless.

All right, look, look.

Let's make-believe that
this is Tony's Mambo Room.

Balki you are seeing
me for the first time

since I kicked you out.

This is how you have to act

if you want to get
your wife back.

Edwina, you look
lovely this evening.

That dress brings out your eyes.

I'm gonna throw up.

Sit down, Turnip.

Donald, the Mambo Room.

How sweet of
you to remember.

How could I
forget, my pet?

It seems like
only yesterday.

You're as beautiful
as you were then.

No, I'm wrong.

You are. You are.
I am? I am?

You, well,
of course, you are.

Don't be ridiculous.

Donald, I forgot how
romantic you could be.

How could I ever
have kicked you out?
(GASPS) Take me.

I don't think so.

I know--
No, I'm trying to...

Do you get the general idea?

I can't do this.

Let's face it,
we'll be roomies for life.

All right, all right,
let's not panic.

Look, we can do this.

We put a man on the moon.

We will go with you
to the restaurant

and get you through this thing.

Oh, you guys are the greatest.

Well, we just wanna see you

and Mrs. Twinkacetti
back together again

in your own home.

Did we really put
a man on the moon?

Yes, we did.

And get off my dress.

Now, remember,
compliment her clothes

talk about her hair.

Make her think
she's the most

No, Mr. Twinkacetti,
you've got to tell her

the ways you are
going to change.

Like what?

to remember your anniversary.

And you don't have to go
out so much with the boys.

Look, you'll have
years to change.

Right now you've
only got five minutes.

Talk about her eyes.

No, uh, Mr. Twinkacetti,
you've got to

stop thinking
about yourself

and start thinking
about Mrs. Twinkacetti.

You should beg her forgiveness.

You should throw
yourself down at her feet.

You should press your
face up against her arches

and tell her she can
step on your neck

because you have not been
the man you should have been.

What about her eyes?

Tell her that
her eyes remind you

of moonlit pools
on a summer night.

She'll melt like butter.

All right, moonlit pools
on a warm summer night.

Here she is.
All right.

Good evening, Donald.

Hello, sugarplum,
won't you have a seat?

You know, sweetheart--
You've got five minutes. Go.

Uh, my, don't you look
lovely this evening.

You know, your eyes--

Hold the bull, Donald.

Give me one good reason
why I should take you back.

You want a reason?

Don't you wanna
hear about your eyes?

No.

How am I doing on the time?

I knew this wouldn't work.

I'm trying to change.
Really, I am.

Uh, why do you think
I chose this restaurant?

I don't know.

Why did you choose
this restaurant?

Because I consider
the Mambo Room our place.

But why? We've never
been here before.

Oh, sure we have,
sweetness. Years ago.

You don't remember, do you?

I may not remember
wedding anniversaries

but I do remember
the romantic stuff.

We sat right in
that booth over there

and we necked all night.

I even slipped the accordion
player 50 cents to play

That's Why the Lady's a Tramp.

(SNAPS FINGERS)

Maybe that's because
the lady was a tramp.

I've never been in this
restaurant in my life!

You know, ahem, come to think
of it, uh, neither have I.

Excuse me.
Nature calls.

It's over.

That was quick.

I got the right restaurant,
but the wrong woman.

I used to bring dates here
before we were married.

Hello, Mrs. Twinkacetti.

What brings you to Tony's?

Not the ribs.

You know, darling,
just now in the john

I was thinking
about how your eyes

remind me of, uh,
moonlit pools on
a warm summer night.

Stuff it, Donald!

How could you bring me to
a place where you cheated on me?

(GASPS)
I never cheated on you
while we were married.

I cheated on you
while we were engaged.

Can't we talk?

You talk to my lawyer.

I still have two minutes.

Uh...

Well, we're sorry
it didn't work out.

Thanks a lot, guys.

You did your best.

And I want you to know
I really appreciate it.

I'm going for a walk.

You don't have
to wait up for me.

I made a key.

I'm worried about
Mr. Twinkacetti.

He don't come home last night.

He could be
wandering the streets

a broken,
lonely little man.

Now, at least I get
to sleep in my own bed.

"Our friend?"

Balki, the man tried
to have you deported

for giving the correct
change to a blind man.

Well, I never said
he was a saint.

Balki, you are the nicest
person I ever met.

And I hope I never
get to be like you.

Cousin, don't worry.
You won't.

(THUDDING)

Mr. Twinkacetti?

What are you bozos
doin' here so early?

Mr. Twinkacetti,
you're all right.

Oh...

Mrs. Twinkacetti.
Hi, boys.

Are you naked
under that coat?

(MR. TWINKACETTI GRUNTS)

You're together?

Yeah.

After I left
the restaurant

about, you know,
being romantic and all

and, uh,

then I remembered
what I did

when I was trying to get
Edwina to fall in love with me.

This crazy guy showed
up under my window

with a big bag of egg rolls
and his saxophone.

Egg rolls and saxophone.

Why didn't we think of that?

Then we came back here.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) You see,
when we were teenagers

we used to steal
precious moments

in the back of
my father's store

so Donald thought
this would be

a perfect place to
settle our differences.
(CHUCKLES)

You big bag of romance.

Why don't you boys
take the day off?

Are you kidding?

(STUTTERS)
Who'd run the store?

Well, maybe today the store
doesn't have to open.

Woof!
Mmm!

Edwina.

Oh, thank you for all you did.

I know there's a side of
Donald that you never see

and I hadn't seen it
in a long time either

but last night made me realize

the Donald
I fell in love with
is still there.

After 16 years of marriage,

I'm not gonna give up on him.

(DOOR SHUTS)

Well, you said it
don't help when you butt in.

Okay, I was wrong,
you were right.

I guess sometimes the only
way to help out is to butt in.

(SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYING)

You hear that?

Imagine what
hate sounds like.

Well, you know
what they say.

Even bad sax is better
than no sax at all.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)