01x13 - Missed Connections

[bunniefuu]

[ELINALISE] It reeks of sweat and pheromones.

How simply marvelous!

Don't you think, Talhand?

No, but your shamelessness

is so brazen it's almost refreshing.

[ROXY] Elinalise, we're not here for you

to find a man, remember?

Yeah, yeah, Paul's family, I got it.

But we have time for a little fun.

[sighs] And what, pray tell, does she expect us to do

if she winds up pregnant by the time we leave town?

Look at that!

It seems you're fairly popular with

the younger ones in your own right, Roxy!

Not in that way.

And even if I was, I don't have the time

to waste on romance right now.

[ROXY] Uh, hey.

[ALL laughing]

[ROXY] Would you please knock it off?

[ROXY] It just occurred to me that I've never asked.

You were both members of

the Fangs of the Black Wolf, right?

What were Paul and Zenith like back then?

Paul was scum.

Walking garbage.

[ROXY] Really?

[ELINALISE] If it's all the same to you,

I'd rather not discuss the man.

[ROXY] And yet, you're both out here

helping me look for him.

Sounds like you care far more than you let on.

Still. What in the world could he have done

for a reaction like that?

[ROXY] Dead End.

There's not a soul alive on this continent

that doesn't know that devil's name.

He's especially dangerous, even for a Superd.

And as the name implies, it's said that

none who cross his path have ever lived to tell the tale.

You already lost me. I thought that was a party name.

Can you keep up with the discussion for

more than seconds at a time?

Dead End is a real person!

And it seems a party of adventurers

has been using that name ever since the mana disaster.

So that's who we've been hearing about all day.

But I don't think it's a coincidence.

Well, I know which one I'd like to question.

Give me that tall, fair spearman who wears a permanent scowl.

I could take him to bed and get plenty out of him.

Same priorities as ever.

I at least learned their party dynamics.

"Mad Dog Eris" is a red-haired swordsman

with a furious blade and temper.

"Guard Dog Ruijerd" loves children

and never turns a blind eye to evil.

And their leader, "Kennel Master Rudyjerd,"

is a tiny little mage who's perpetually up to no good.

Their reputation as a whole isn't great,

but they say the Guard Dog's all right.

Now that's interesting.

Superd are usually melee fighters, not mages.

And they don't have red hair, much less a sense of justice.

In any case, I think we should take care

to give them a fairly wide berth.

If even one of them is the real Dead End,

getting too involved with them would be su1c1de.

[TALHAND] Aye. We don't need to draw attention from riffraff

like that when we're tryin' to help folks.

[ROXY] Speaking of which, we need to

touch base on the main mission.

Did you pick up on any leads or rumors

about the Fittoa displacement survivors?

[TALHAND] Not a one.

[ELINALISE] Total wash on anything useful.

It's been a year since they teleported.

I wonder if we're just too late to save them.

Although, we are talking about the Greyrats, here,

so they should be okay!

Zenith, yes.

Lilia, Aisha, and Rudeus, though.

I'm not so sure.

Zenith can handle stuff like this in her sleep.

She may have long since retired, but she was an S-ranked cleric.

And Rudeus stands out, so he should be easy to find,

provided he's alive.

So I guess we should focus our efforts on Lilia and Aisha.

Sounds like a plan.

I'll set out in the morning to search for intel.

As will I.

[ROXY] I appreciate that very much. Thank you.

--[BOY B] Yeah! --[BOY A] Over here!

[BOY A] Come on, hurry up!

[ROXY] It's been six years since I left Buena Village.

I wonder how much Rudy has grown.

[clanking]

[gasps]

[ROXY] A red-headed swordsman and a tall, bald spearman.

I wonder if they're from "Dead End."

And if they are, where the tiny Kennel Master might be.

[ROXY] They're both so strong.

Don't tell me they really are Superd.

[ROXY] Th-Those eyes.

[ROXY] They wouldn't att*ck me just for

watching them train, would they?

[ELINALISE moans] Yes! Don't stop, you hairy stinky beasts!

Put a baby in me!

[ELINALISE moaning]

[ELINALISE] Why, Roxy, when did you get back?

You're welcome to join us, if you like.

[moans]

[ELINALISE] Who said stop, you idiot?

[ELINALISE moaning]

[gasps]

Hey! Wait!

[ROXY] Icicle Break! Icicle Break! Icicle Break!

[ELINALISE] Calm down, would you?

Those repairs were steep.

We'll have to watch our spending for a while.

I wish we at least had some intel to show for it.

I hope you realize it's your fault we don't.

I was admirably performing my duties

and simply happened to receive an enticing invitation.

Well, you still didn't have to.

You know what I mean? There were five of them!

You'll understand one day, sweetheart.

It's not every day that a strong,

beautiful adventurer like me gets to melt helplessly

into the arms of thugs like them.

Ugh, just thinking about it

is almost enough to get me pregnant.

[ROXY] I don't need to know that.

[ELINALISE] Oh, you'll lighten up after you've had your first.

I can help you find him! Why not join me next time--

That's never going to happen.

[TALHAND sighs]

I know how I'll find him:

in the dark depths of a dangerous labyrinth.

When all hope seems lost, he'll come to my rescue.

A tall and slender young man with boyish charm.

We'll combine our strength to fight our way out,

and that's when our love will bud and blossom,

and then, by the time we manage to escape...

[ELINALISE chuckles] Goodness, you're such a child.

Ahem! Forget I said anything!

Let's just focus on getting to the next town!

[ELINALISE] Yes, ma'am.

[RUDEUS] Gallus' terms were as follows:

He would smuggle Ruijerd to Zant Port

if we agreed to liberate some "stolen goods"

for him upon arrival.

He's kind of a sketchy guy, but I didn't have many options.

[RUDEUS] If I know dating sims, and I think I do,

a sea voyage is the perfect place for a major event!

An octopus, squid, sea serpent, pirates?

Maybe a ghost ship?

Something like that will sink us and set us adrift.

Then the love interest and I wash up

on a desert island and start a new life together.

At first, she won't be able to stand me,

but as the days draw on, her heart will soften,

and soon she'll fall for me.

And once that happens, well, you know what happens next.

[RUDEUS] Our eyes meet.

[RUDEUS] Our passion kindles.

Our hearts pound! Our sweat flies!

The surf roars!

I make a cup of coffee.

And we live happily ever after.

[BOTH laughing]

[RUDEUS] Unfortunately, reality is cruel.

[ERIS retches]

Rudeus. Am I gonna die? You can be honest.

[RUDEUS] If you die of seasickness,

I will make fun of you.

Sorry, I'll be back in a sec. I gotta go hit the head.

[ERIS] 'Kay, good luck.

[RUDEUS sighs]

You smell funny now.

[ERIS] I'm so glad we made it.

I'm never gonna get on a boat again.

You say that, but we'll have to take one

from here to the Central Continent eventually,

so get ready.

[ERIS] No. Will you cast Healing on me the whole way again?

[RUDEUS] If you want, but I might hafta

do somethin' naughty to you.

[ERIS groans] Please don't tease me like that.

[RUDEUS] I am not teasing! I'm controlling myself!

[RUDEUS] Hey, it's all I can do to keep myself in check.

[ERIS] Well, that's fine, I guess.

You can touch me a little bit next time

if you really want to.

[RUDEUS] Yeah, no, sorry, "a little" isn't gonna cut it.

Let's just wait until you're ready to get real messed up.

Anyway.

It's about time to go pick up Ruijerd.

Are you good to hold down the fort?

[ERIS] Yup. You got it.

[RUDEUS] Don't give me a chance to cave, Eris.

Let me keep my promise!

[RUDEUS yells]

[SMUGGLER A] He wouldn't quit wailin', so I

wound up having to off the bastard.

[SMUGGLER B laughs] Pay up, chump!

[SMUGGLER C] Go easy on me next time, man.

[RUDEUS] What an elaborate hideout.

I guess that's career criminals for you.

[RUDEUS] That dog is huge.

[SMUGGLER D] What're you starin' at?

Sorry, forgot my manners.

[PRISONER A cries]

[SMUGGLER E] Enough already, you annoying little sh*t.

--[thud] --[PRISONER A groans]

[PRISONER A crying]

[SMUGGLER E] Ugh, dammit.

[thudding]

[SMUGGLER F] Here you go.

[RUDEUS] You did great, Ruijerd. Thanks for being so patient.

[RUIJERD] Rudeus, listen close.

[RUIJERD] There are c*ptive children here.

Five of them.

There were six, but they k*lled one for crying too loudly.

Are they the "goods" we're liberating?

Who else do they have chained up?

[RUIJERD] It's just them.

I haven't sensed any other prisoners.

I assume we'll save them immediately?

Of course.

But all these guards are gonna pose a problem.

What do we do?

[RUIJERD] We k*ll them.

[RUDEUS] All of them?

[RUIJERD] They b*at and m*rder children.

[SMUGGLER F] What're you two yappin' about?

Take yer freak and roll out already.

[RUDEUS] Come on, think.

I'd prefer to settle this peacefully.

But with security like this,

there's no way we'll avoid a fight.

Problem is, he can't k*ll anyone,

he has the Superd's reputation to rebuild.

So I have to do it.

And really, what's stopping me?

They k*lled someone first!

Yeah, an eye for an eye.

[RUIJERD] Rudeus.

[gasps]

[RUIJERD] Relax. You don't have to get your hands dirty.

[gasps] No, we're in this together.

[RUIJERD] Those hands are for protecting Eris.

Let me handle this. Okay?

I'm so sorry.

[SMUGGLER F] Whoa. Hey, now.

Ha! Look at that.

Don't know why, but I didn't expect you to be a real Superd.

[RUDEUS] It's okay, I'm here to help.

[MINITONA growls]

[MINITONA growls]

Whoa, hey, please don't get upset,

I'm trying to get you out of here--

See, I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm gonna save you.

[ALL gasp]

Huh? Everything okay?

[ALL gasp]

It's just me. Don't worry. It's over.

Nice timing, I just finished healing their injuries.

[RUDEUS] Although, I can't help the one who d*ed.

[MINITONA growls]

[RUIJERD] I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

These kids are all beast people, right?

[RUIJERD] Yes. Those fiends must have kidnapped them

from the surrounding tribes.

Disgraceful.

[ALL gasp]

[RUDEUS] "Meow"? She meowed!

Not like Eris's fake-ass imitation,

a real, genuine "meow"!

[RUDEUS] Will you get them back to town

while I look for the dog?

Naturally. Tread carefully, and we'll see you there.

[RUDEUS] Sounds good.

[whimpers]

There you are.

[RUDEUS] Let's get you outta here, huh?

That felt good. Barrier magic?

[RUDEUS] Guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Huh.

[RUDEUS] Okay. That was easy.

Huh?

[RUDEUS laughs] Oh, stop, puppy!

I have a wife and a husband and a family--

Oh, what?

[RUDEUS] He's so frickin' fluffy!

[RUDEUS squeals] Oh, this is the best day of my life!

[gasps] Careful, boy!

[roars]

[RUDEUS] Huh? Oh, no. That's not good.

What did he do to me?

[RUDEUS] I can't move!

[RUDEUS] No, I was born with a lewd expression on my face!

There's a difference! Let me defend myself!

[RUDEUS] Excuse you!

[barks]

[RUDEUS] Nope! Wait! Hold it, hang on a second!

I'm innocent, I tell you! Innocent!